Latest / Very Fine Friends / Bonus IMPROV - This Is Like the Third Time I've Been Found This Month

Transcript

Bonus IMPROV - This Is Like the Third Time I've Been Found This Month · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  Welcome to Very Fine Friends, bonus improv.
• 0:25
  That just sounded like it was just me singing, which it was,
• 0:30
  but the listener was not privy to the information
• 0:34
  that Francis was mouthing along with me.
• 0:36
  So it felt like we were doing that together,
• 0:38
  and I just realized that no, it was just me and the...
• 0:40
  It was very pleasant to the ear.
• 0:42
  Thank you.
• 0:45
  Joe, can we get another suggestion?
• 0:49
  Your suggestion is motherless.
• 0:53
  that always makes me think of three amigos i i say always as if the word motherless comes up a lot
• 1:00
  but it's uh you sons of a motherless goat i've actually never seen that oh i love it it's so
• 1:06
  good i'll have to watch it sometime it's one of the movies of my childhood i just watched a lot
• 1:12
  it's very funny makes me think of another movie called oh a bumblebee no that's not it um it's
• 1:20
  called a simple twist of fate with steve martin yeah and that little girl was motherless
• 1:25
  was that was um was that a take on ethan from is that the book that was that was like an adaptation
• 1:34
  like a modern adaptation of a book oh my god i'm learning i think it's ethan from oh um yeah i'm
• 1:46
  to check that out.
• 1:47
  It's probably a movie that they wouldn't make.
• 1:49
  It was like he just got a little kid.
• 1:51
  It was just mine now.
• 1:53
  This grown man gets a little kid.
• 1:54
  Little girl.
• 1:55
  Yeah.
• 1:57
  Yeah, it's interesting.
• 2:01
  Little girl, I'm your mother now.
• 2:06
  I don't have much more to say about motherless.
• 2:08
  No, either.
• 2:09
  Don't worry, I'm inspired.
• 2:11
  Good.
• 2:12
  And now, improv.
• 2:16
  Elizabeth come downstairs Coming Happy birthday my love Thank you
• 2:26
  You are going to be so pleased.
• 2:29
  Oh, good.
• 2:29
  I just found this child at the mall.
• 2:32
  Happy birthday, baby.
• 2:34
  What? No.
• 2:35
  Yes. You always wanted to be a mother?
• 2:36
  No, honey, I wanted us to have...
• 2:41
  We did!
• 2:42
  What's your name, dear?
• 2:43
  Stephanie
• 2:45
  Stephanie was at the mall motherless
• 2:48
  I
• 2:49
  I okay honey
• 2:51
  we can't we can't keep a random child
• 2:54
  it's okay I don't mind
• 2:57
  see
• 2:58
  she doesn't mind
• 2:59
  but
• 3:01
  but no this is this is not this doesn't seem right
• 3:04
  someone will become surely someone's looking for
• 3:06
  Stephanie no you can't just find
• 3:08
  a child yes you can
• 3:09
  you can yeah
• 3:12
  Totally
• 3:14
  No
• 3:15
  I read a book on this
• 3:16
  This is like the third time I've been found this month
• 3:19
  See?
• 3:20
  We're your forever home
• 3:21
  Oh, well, honey
• 3:23
  A little aside?
• 3:25
  Yeah
• 3:25
  Oh my god
• 3:26
  She looks just like your mother
• 3:28
  Oh, don't
• 3:28
  Ew, that's not helping
• 3:29
  Let's not commit to forever
• 3:32
  Just yet with Stephanie
• 3:33
  Oh, did I use the F word?
• 3:35
  Yeah, you did
• 3:35
  You said forever home
• 3:36
  I'm so excited
• 3:37
  I know
• 3:38
  Let's just see how it goes
• 3:40
  Also, I hate the name Stephanie
• 3:42
  We could change that.
• 3:43
  Oh, I guess it's true.
• 3:44
  We have that power now.
• 3:44
  Yeah, it's up to you.
• 3:45
  It's your birthday.
• 3:45
  You pick the name.
• 3:46
  Okay.
• 3:47
  All right.
• 3:48
  Hey, you.
• 3:50
  Hey, I hope you guys don't mind.
• 3:51
  While you were having your little sidebar over there,
• 3:53
  I kind of rearranged the furniture.
• 3:56
  Just since this is going to be my forever home.
• 3:58
  Okay.
• 4:00
  All right.
• 4:00
  We kind of had, we had everything where we wanted it.
• 4:03
  I'm not going to, your name's not Stephanie anymore.
• 4:08
  Oh.
• 4:08
  It's Crystal with a K.
• 4:10
  Oh, good choice.
• 4:11
  All right, Crystal.
• 4:13
  I can make that work.
• 4:15
  Crystal, I don't...
• 4:17
  Oh, my God.
• 4:18
  You put the couch facing the north wall?
• 4:22
  Crystal, you idiot.
• 4:23
  Don't you know feng shui?
• 4:25
  Oh, my God, Jinx.
• 4:26
  No, no, I don't need the two of you.
• 4:28
  I don't need the two of you teaming up.
• 4:30
  Elizabeth.
• 4:31
  Hey, can we have a quick sidebar without Elizabeth real quick?
• 4:35
  Yeah, of course.
• 4:36
  Be right back.
• 4:37
  I sorry about her I don know Yeah I was going to ask How locked in are you on this whole marriage thing I don think I ever used forever with her Oh that good
• 4:47
  Yeah.
• 4:47
  I mean, she's great.
• 4:48
  She's good.
• 4:48
  I'm happy, but things can always be better.
• 4:51
  And like, we had that really in sync moment just now where we both said,
• 4:55
  Function.
• 4:55
  Function.
• 4:56
  We did it again.
• 4:58
  Wow.
• 4:58
  Okay.
• 4:59
  Well, we'll just see how.
• 5:00
  I feel like this was meant to be.
• 5:02
  Well, that's why.
• 5:02
  Hey, girl's getting bored.
• 5:04
  Oh, gosh.
• 5:05
  We've got to go back.
• 5:06
  Sorry, buzzkill.
• 5:08
  Hey, you.
• 5:10
  Hey.
• 5:11
  Chris-Stephanie and I were just talking.
• 5:13
  No, no.
• 5:15
  Chris-Stephanie is not her name.
• 5:18
  It's Crystal.
• 5:19
  Oh, right.
• 5:20
  I forgot.
• 5:22
  We were thinking, you know how change is good?
• 5:29
  Real good.
• 5:30
  I don't know.
• 5:31
  I've always feared change.
• 5:33
  It's not
• 5:34
  It's not a
• 5:36
  I don't know
• 5:36
  No, I don't like change
• 5:38
  Well, I neglected to mention she's 21 years old
• 5:43
  I was thinking
• 5:45
  Chris Stephanie and I
• 5:47
  Go on that vacation
• 5:49
  You stay home and work
• 5:51
  Because you said you were behind
• 5:52
  Yeah
• 5:52
  So behind
• 5:54
  Wait, wait
• 5:55
  You brought a 21 year old home?
• 6:00
  And told me that
• 6:01
  This would be my child?
• 6:04
  He found me drinking alone at the Hooters at the mall.
• 6:07
  Yeah, we're in our 50s.
• 6:08
  It's now or never, babe.
• 6:11
  Okay, this just turned into a very different thing.
• 6:16
  Are you just telling me you're leaving me for a 21-year-old?
• 6:19
  She knows feng shui.
• 6:21
  I could learn feng shui.
• 6:23
  You know it or you don't.
• 6:25
  How many times did he use the word forever with you?
• 6:28
  I don't think I ever heard of
• 6:31
  Hold on, let me put the wedding tape in
• 6:33
  For some time
• 6:35
  A lot of time
• 6:37
  But maybe not all time
• 6:39
  There it is
• 6:40
  God, I must have just been so happy
• 6:43
  We were in the throes of love, you were 21
• 6:45
  It was a great time
• 6:46
  Oh god, I looked good
• 6:48
  You look great
• 6:49
  Not like me
• 6:51
  Shut up, Crystal
• 6:52
  Hey, it's Chris Stephanie
• 6:54
  No, I don't know
• 6:57
  You know what it Blanche now I have that power it Blanche now I did make her your mother Oh my God All right
• 7:07
  Let's just settle this the old-fashioned way.
• 7:10
  Yeah, by me running away with my mother's husband.
• 7:13
  No, this is no, no, no.
• 7:14
  This is my birthday.
• 7:17
  This is a terrible birthday gift.
• 7:19
  What have you done?
• 7:21
  Well, I tried to be good.
• 7:23
  I even brought you a cake.
• 7:24
  Unfortunately, all they had left was the one you were allergic to,
• 7:27
  but I'm going to eat it.
• 7:30
  It sounds like you're doing a lot of things with my gifts.
• 7:35
  Well, why don't you guys try having a sidebar?
• 7:38
  Maybe fix the bond.
• 7:39
  Blanche, get over here.
• 7:40
  Okay, all right.
• 7:42
  Blanche?
• 7:42
  Yeah.
• 7:43
  What is going on?
• 7:44
  Are you even attracted to my husband?
• 7:46
  Look, Elizabeth.
• 7:47
  He's not an attractive man.
• 7:49
  Look, Elizabeth, I'm going to level with you.
• 7:51
  I'm a pick-me girl.
• 7:52
  I don't even want him
• 7:54
  specifically I just want
• 7:56
  the feeling of having beaten you
• 7:58
  for a man's approval
• 8:00
  I
• 8:01
  you just want to beat me for a man's
• 8:04
  I want to beat you
• 8:06
  Elizabeth you bitch
• 8:08
  no I
• 8:09
  this is weird
• 8:11
  I think maybe
• 8:14
  we're supposed to travel together
• 8:16
  oh my god are we pick
• 8:18
  us girls?
• 8:19
  I'm getting hungry for cake
• 8:22
  Oh, wait.
• 8:23
  Oh, God.
• 8:24
  All right.
• 8:25
  Hey.
• 8:27
  Get over here, young one.
• 8:29
  What's this?
• 8:30
  What's going on?
• 8:32
  Hey, buddy.
• 8:33
  We're going to go.
• 8:36
  Yeah.
• 8:36
  What?
• 8:37
  You enjoy the cake.
• 8:38
  No.
• 8:39
  We're going to go travel together.
• 8:41
  Yeah.
• 8:42
  We've decided neither one of us is attracted to you.
• 8:45
  No.
• 8:45
  What?
• 8:46
  We're going to go see if we can get other men to pick us.
• 8:48
  Yeah.
• 8:49
  It should be real easy with the whole older generation, younger generation tag team we got going on.
• 8:55
  Yeah, it's a real heartbreaker situation.
• 8:57
  Yeah.
• 8:58
  But your birthday present was you both showing me your boobs.
• 9:06
  See you.
• 9:19
  you