Latest / The Rosanne Callens Podcast / E28: Hate Small Talk? You can become more magnetic!
Transcript
- Rosanne Callens: The fastest way to kill a professional connection is walking into a room hoping that someone, anyone will give you an opportunity. Hi friends, Rosanne Callens here with Electric Leadership. Grab your coffee or go outside and take a walk and let's talk about the art of authentic networking. Almost every week I hear the same exact insecurity. Rosanne I dread networking. I just don't have that natural extroverted charisma. They picture a super outgoing person working a conference floor, handing out business cards, and forcing small talk with strangers. But whether you're looking at your next career pivot, you're trying to build visibility inside your current company, or stepping out as a recent college graduate, the traditional playbook feels exhausting. And so many people are doing it the wrong way. Many people feel like an imposter because they feel that they were taught that networking means giving that pitch, right? you're pitching yourself and what you bring. But the secret to powerful networking is removing that pitch entirely. You are not there to ask for a job, you are there to be. Fascinated by other human beings. in my previous podcasts, I've said readers are leaders. And if you want to master communication without feeling fake, you have got to look at the science of how to do it. One of my favorite behavioral researchers is Vanessa Van Edwards. I first heard her on Lewis Howe's podcasts, and watching her behavioral breakdowns on YouTube is truly addictive. She has built her entire reputation on books like Captivate and Cue's, and she just released a brand new book called Conversation, which is exactly the topic of this podcast. How to connect with anyone without feeling fake or rehearsed. Everyone, I can't stress this enough that when you feel that you that it's fake or that you're too introverted to do this successfully, I want you to lean into learning about it so that you can do it better because communication is a skill. Vanessa openly admits, which is why my introverts love her, that she is a recovering awkward person. Social interactions made her anxious. And so she treated human connection like a scientist. She analyzed thousands of hours of TED Talks, political debates, and corporate pitches to decode what makes someone magnetic. And everyone, her core finding changes how you or anyone is going to walk into a room. People don't connect with performance, people connect to warmth and competence. When you make a conversation about the other person, their brain is lighting up with dopamine. And the easiest way for you to become charismatic is simply being intensely curious. All of my clients listening will resonate with this because I tell them all the time, I want you to be intensely curious. Or sometimes I say adorably curious. Most people open conversations with just dead-end corporate jargon, or they say, So, what do you do? That question immediately triggers people's autopilot. It forces the other person to cite an elevator pitch, or they just decide how much energy they want to put into that. In the book Captivate, Vanessa suggests replacing that autopilot with what she calls sparks. And I love that because of my electric leadership, right? So instead of asking what someone does, I want you to try asking. Hey, what are you working on right now that has you genuinely excited? Or ask, what was the highlight of your week? And this is a pro tip for the parents listening out there. This is great to ask your kids. So many times we say, How was your day at school? And the kids are like, we did nothing, or what did you do at school? Nothing. How about you say, What was the highlight of school today? You could use this anywhere. These questions are inviting people's personal passion, right? Suddenly you're not talking to someone that's a job title. You're connecting with a living, breathing human being, right? And another profound takeaway from Vanessa's book is the power of open body language, keeping your hands visible, angle your torso toward the speaker and hold genuine eye contact. Now, just that nonverbal presence signals psychological safety to the person that they have your undivided focus. This is a big reason why. I never wear watches. This is a side note here. the reason why I don't wear watches is because I love to know what time it is. I just love it. And I don't wear watches because if I'm talking to someone or someone's talking to me, I inevitably will just glance at my watch and people will start saying, like, do you have to go? Or, you know, it just completely stops the conversation. So I try as much as I can to not wear my watch in social situations. Because these are the things that we want to give people our undivided focus. So this mindset is going to work across every stage of your career. If you're looking for new opportunities in the market, I want you to reach out to people whose work you admire and ask them about their journey. Never ever, ever, ever ask for a job on an exploratory call. People love sharing their wisdom. And when an opportunity opens up, You'll be on top of mind. If you're networking inside of your current role, inside your current company, invite leaders from adjacent departments for coffee. Ask them about their biggest operational challenge. If you're a new college graduate or you happen to know any college graduates or soon-to-be college graduates entering the workforce, stop worrying that you lack 20 years of experience. Your superpower at that stage is youthful curiosity. Reach out to senior executives, tell them you admire their career path, and ask them for 15 minutes of advice. High performers love mentoring someone who is eager to learn. When you walk into a room with curiosity, your voltage stays high. You never have to hustle or fake charisma. You simply show up, listen deeply, and build authentic goodwill. This could be done when you're standing at line for registration, waiting for a coffee, walking into a crowded room. I want you to skip the yes and no small talk. Ask open-ended questions that gently force the other person into sharing a real thought, When you just ask someone a yes or no question, the conversation ends. So if you're standing in line together, you could say, what brought you into the room today? Or look at the table and ask, what looks best to you on this menu? what what are you ordering? what's your favorite thing here? If you're stepping up to someone holding a drink, ask, how did you get connected with this group? Or if I'm going to be headed to a networking event at a brewery, I'm gonna encourage everyone to ask someone what what's your favorite type of beer for someone like me? I'm very curious. I'd love to know what people's different types are because I'm not a a beer drinker. when you give someone permission to talk about what they find interesting, you instantly stand out. And my friends, that's what I want for you. I want you to stand out. Everyone here has magic in them. So here's your one action step this week. I want you to practice one open-ended question. Pick one moment when you're standing next to a stranger. whether that's in the coffee line, waiting for an elevator, or at your next industry meeting. And I want you to smile and make eye contact and ask, hey, what brought you here today? Or what project is keeping you excited right now? Or the the one question I just recently said where I said, what's been the most interesting conversation you've had so far today? And I want you to listen completely without interrupting. Notice how quickly the conversation opens up when you remove the pressure to pitch. And my friends, if you want to dive deeper into the science of human behavior, I can't stress enough to pick up any of Vanessa Van Edwards' books. She always has such amazing tips. And if you're ready to stop feeling invisible and be build real magnetic executive presence across your team, come and work with me directly. Head over to rosannecallens.com and fill out an inquiry form and let's talk. And remember, everyone, in electric leadership, your voltage is your value. And everyone has the magic to network. Everyone can be an amazing magnetic networker. And I know you can do it. Until next week, my friends. Bye-bye.