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Sober Talk SA - Vanessa · Sober Talk SA

• 0:00
  Welcome to Sober Talk. I'm Dennis and I'm an alcoholic.
• 0:04
  Soap to dear thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous.
• 0:08
  If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcohol, please
• 0:11
  call Alcoholics Anonymous on 1300 double 22222.
• 0:17
  I'll visit their website. At.
• 0:21
  A.org dot AU I'll just run through the preamble of
• 0:26
  Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
• 0:29
  fellowship of people who share the experience, strengthen hope
• 0:33
  with each other that they may solve their common problems, and
• 0:37
  help with us to recover from alcoholism.
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  The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop
• 0:43
  drinking and no dues of fees. Fair membership.
• 0:46
  We are self supporting through our own contributions.
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  He is not allied with any sect in immersion politics
• 0:54
  organization or institution, does not wish to engage in any
• 0:58
  controversy, neither endorses or oppose any causes.
• 1:03
  Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other Alcoholics
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  are chiefs of Brady we. Have a speakers meeting tonight
• 1:10
  and Vanessa has agreed to be our speaker tonight and she's
• 1:13
  celebrating 34 years of recovery.
• 1:19
  There is a Karzai around and also Jeff is celebrating 24
• 1:23
  years of Rick Bow tart. So India, everyone's filling the
• 1:29
  Karzai would be great. Over to you, Vanessa.
• 1:31
  Oh. OK, yeah, my name's Vanessa.
• 1:34
  I'm a colleague addict and thank you for inviting me to share my
• 1:40
  experience and I'm quite humbled.
• 1:47
  I don't believe that I've, you know, been been coming to a a
• 1:54
  for this long and stayed sober. And yes, it's, it's, it's beyond
• 2:04
  words really. Like I'm, I'm so overwhelmed,
• 2:10
  you know, that this one day at a time, one day, that that's what
• 2:15
  I was taught at the beginning. One day go one day.
• 2:18
  I thought it would never add up, you know, and, and the days have
• 2:23
  added up and my life has changed so much since I came to our
• 2:29
  colleagues anonymous and I got sober in 91 and there are no
• 2:35
  mobile phones and Facebook or anything like that back then.
• 2:39
  And it was all one alcoholic talking to another, you know,
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  where we, we have the similarities of, of, of talking
• 2:54
  with each other and the similarities they call the herd
• 3:00
  instinct. And they should talk about that
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  a lot when I first got sober about how we gather.
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  And that's how we're safe because we move together, we
• 3:12
  stay together, we look after each other's interests.
• 3:15
  And, and when I was taking to meetings, that was the first
• 3:20
  time I felt safe. I remember sitting at a, a, at
• 3:24
  an AA meeting, I felt safe. And, and I felt that there was
• 3:32
  some sort of stillness in the room that I felt and the
• 3:36
  calmness that I've never felt before.
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  And, and I thought there, there's something about about
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  this place. There's something here which I
• 3:48
  can't see and I can't explain, but I can feel there is
• 3:54
  something greater here than me. And, and so when I first I came
• 4:02
  from Perth and I got done for DUI there and I came here and my
• 4:07
  husband came from here and I was newly married with twins and I
• 4:12
  got picked up for DUI again here and, and they said to me, if we
• 4:20
  catch you drinking and driving again, we will take your
• 4:23
  children. And so that really did it.
• 4:27
  And, and my husband was really annoyed and said, you better do
• 4:33
  something about this, you know, and, and I didn't know what to
• 4:37
  do. And they said we're going to
• 4:38
  send a woman to take you to an, a, a meeting.
• 4:42
  And so that's what they did. I'd already been to an, a, a
• 4:46
  meeting in Perth, you know, and I drank straight after that
• 4:49
  anyway, the detox centre. And so anyway, they sent this
• 4:53
  woman to pick me up and she took me to a meeting in the city and,
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  and she said to me, listen to this man.
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  And this man got up and he, he was pacing across the floor and
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  he started pointing, are you an alcoholic?
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  And it was like it was pointed right at me and, and I shrunk.
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  And then he said, are you honest?
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  And then I shrunk more. And then he said, do you believe
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  in God? And then I virtually fell off
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  the chair and, and, and actually straighten them.
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  And I thought, what a scary man. I have to make sure I don't talk
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  to him after the meeting. And anyway, at the end of the
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  meeting, the room was really crowded with people and filled
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  with smoke. And the next thing I could see
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  the room parting. And this man was walking.
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  He was walking straight at me, you know, And he walked up to me
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  and he put his hand out and said, hello, my name's Bluey
• 5:53
  Nolan. And I can feel your fear.
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  And as soon as he said that, I dropped his hand and I said to
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  him, how do you know that? And he said it's because I'm an
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  alcoholic just like you. Do you have a big book?
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  Do you have a 24 hour day book? I said no.
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  He said, if you give me your address, I will bring these
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  books to you tomorrow morning at 9:00 AM and the next day at 9:00
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  AM, I'm sitting there shaking and shivering.
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  And at 9:00 and the doorbell goes and he's he's at the
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  doorbell with the books in his hand and he sits down and he
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  says to me, do you get lonely? And, and I just instantly
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  started crying. And I never used to cry or try
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  not to cry And, and I just started crying overwhelmingly.
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  I just couldn't stop crying and I said to him, mum just come
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  over from Perth, I'm really married, I have twins and I got
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  done for DUI and and I can't stop drinking and I can't be a
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  mother, I can't be a decent human being.
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  And he said to me I will help you.
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  You will become the observer, you will come and help me open
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  the meeting in North Adelaide and and you will I will teach
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  you how to set up the room and in the meeting and you are not
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  the main event anymore. And then I started crying more
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  and and then he said to me, do you know the Serenity Prayer?
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  And I've never heard of it. So he he recited the prayer and
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  I would say it after him and he held my hand.
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  It was shaking and, and he would say the serenity prayer.
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  I learned the serenity prayer, saying it over and over and over
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  with him constantly, constantly saying it.
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  And I knew the prayer and repeatedly we would say it and,
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  and my hands would stop shaking. And I noticed that it felt like
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  there was somebody else in the room, you know, when, when we,
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  when we used to pray all the time.
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  You should teach me how to pray all the time.
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  You should say, learn to pray. Learn to pray, you know, and,
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  and you'll find that peace and that peace and that
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  understanding that goes beyond all understanding.
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  And, and I was searching for that.
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  My soul was searching for that all my life.
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  You know, I needed a place to rest because I'd been running
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  all the time for years I've been running.
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  I was lost. I was lost.
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  I felt lost. And so when I used to sit and
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  pray with him, it felt felt like it felt peaceful and it felt
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  quiet and it felt like like there was a purpose in my life.
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  And so he used to say to me, every time you feel scared and
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  you feel like running, every time you feel like drinking, you
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  say the Serenity prayer and God will give you the courage and
• 9:18
  the strength to stay sober for the day.
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  And that's, that's what I used to do.
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  I used to pray all the time constantly.
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  And he used to take you to meetings all around Adelaide
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  and, and introduced me to people, to members that have
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  been sober a long times. And he introduced me to Snowy.
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  And I used to like sitting next to him because he was really
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  calm. And, and I felt, I felt that I
• 9:51
  needed to be calm because I used to get so angry and so upset
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  that the first thing I would think about is having I've got
• 9:59
  to have a drink, you know, So, so I used to sitting next to
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  snowy a real lot at meetings and all that.
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  And, and I used to pray for this calmness to flow into me so I
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  could, I could stay sober because I knew being angry is
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  just going to get me drunk again, You know, I needed to be
• 10:20
  calm. And, and so they used to take me
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  to meetings everywhere. And I used to wish that I was
• 10:29
  just a year sober, like I would be happy with that.
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  I used to say, you know, anyway, so we kept going to meetings.
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  And then one day I was at a meeting and this lady came up to
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  me. She's going, oh, the lesser
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  she's going, how do you feel? You've been coming here for a
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  year now? And I said, have I?
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  And she said, yes, how do you feel?
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  I go, oh, really good. Oh, thank you very much.
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  And, and I ran out the door and I thought, I don't believe it,
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  you know, like always wanted to be a year sober.
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  And so I decided that I don't need to go to IA meetings
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  anymore. And so I went home and closed,
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  closed the big book, closed the 24 hour date book, stop praying,
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  stop going to meetings. And within a short period of
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  time, I used to go sit at these other people's houses and they
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  used to be drinking and using drugs and you know, all this
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  Yahoo and carrying on going on all the time, music blaring all
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  the time. And, and I'd be sitting with all
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  these people. And I thought, oh, well, at
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  least I'm not drinking. But further down the track, like
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  I started to hear things and, and I started to become really
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  forgetful. I couldn't remember things at
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  all. And, and as time went on, these
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  voices in my head just got louder and louder and louder.
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  And then my hands started shaking again really badly.
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  And, and I used to get really, really scared.
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  And so I thought I remember them talking about this at AA
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  meetings. Like when you go insane, this
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  happens, you know, and people wind up at Hillcrest Hospital
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  and, and, and I go, oh, I hope that's not happening to me.
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  So, so I ring up Hillcrest Hospital and I tell the nurse,
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  oh, you know, like my heart's going 1000 mph and it's racing
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  and I'm really scared and my hands are shaking.
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  And she says to me, you're having a nervous breakdown.
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  You need to come in here straight away or we can come and
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  pick you up. I said, Oh no, no, I'll I'll
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  come down there. So it just so happened that day
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  we're having lunch with my Italian in laws and all that.
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  And you know, and I put the phone down and I started
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  screaming hysterically. I was running around the table
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  going I don't believe it, I've gone insane.
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  I don't believe it. And then my Italian
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  father-in-law walks in and he's going Mamma Mia, Mamma Mia, why
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  you scream? And I said I've gone insane, you
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  have to take me to the hospital. And he said, I tell you that
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  when I first meet you, why you no listen, you they Under Armour
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  date you. So he took me to Hillcrest
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  Hospital and and then I I sat, they gave me all these thing
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  pills to swallow. And then I sat in this chair and
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  I stared at the walls for three days.
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  And then the doctor says to me, we suggest that you go to an A a
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  meeting here and talk to your people.
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  And, and I thought, oh, to have to go to a meeting and he said
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  it would be best. It's no good you're sitting and
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  staring at the wall. So anyway, this lady come and
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  takes me to the meeting and and then this lady at the meeting,
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  you know, she says to me, oh, I could help you.
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  And I said, you can't help me. No one can help me.
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  And she says, you've gone away. God hasn't gone away.
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  And then when I went back to my room, I was sitting there and I
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  was thinking, what did she mean? I've gone away and, and I fell
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  asleep. And then I had these profound
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  dreams about my childhood. And when I woke up, I had this
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  compulsion to write. I had to write.
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  And, and then I got this big writing pad and the pen and the
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  a, a book, the Bible, these medical books.
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  And I started writing and the pen just flowed continuously.
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  I just wrote continuously. Like I can't write about that,
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  but I did. And just continuously page after
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  page after page, I just wrote and wrote and wrote about my
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  childhood. And then I got tired and I went
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  to sleep and then I would wake up and and I would write again
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  and and this went on for days. And then the nurse comes to me
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  and she says, what are you writing?
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  And I said, I'm writing about my childhood.
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  And she says, how do you remember that?
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  You couldn't remember your name when you first came in here?
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  I said, I don't know, but I have to keep writing.
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  And so so she went and I kept writing and then the doctor came
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  up to me and he said you can pack all this up and go home.
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  And I thought, great, I better pack it up real quick before he
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  changes his mind. And so I did.
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  And then I went home. And when I went home, I walked
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  straight out to the backyard and I looked up into the sun and it
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  was, the light was so strong, like it was blinding me.
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  And I could feel the intensity of the sun on my head was
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  really, really strong. And, and, and it was like I saw
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  all these colours in the sky that I've never seen before.
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  And the grass below it felt like it was moving, like it was
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  alive. And I had this feeling of
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  newness that my life was going to change.
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  And I just had a real lot of energy.
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  I could feel so much energy coming out of me, you know, and,
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  and I felt, I just felt that all is going to be well.
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  I had this profound feeling that my life was going to change and
• 17:02
  things were going to get better and and then sure.
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  And my conscience was saying to me, you must go back to AA
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  meetings. That is the only way you will be
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  safe. And that voice kept repeating
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  itself all the time. And further that day I went to
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  the shop and I ran into this girl from AA and, and she said
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  to me, oh, take you to an, a, a meeting.
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  There's one just up the road. And so she took me to the Marian
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  meeting. And I was sitting at the Marian
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  meeting and there was a man cheering about being in
• 17:46
  Hillcrest Hospital and how he used to talk to imaginary people
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  and characters and things, you know, and, and how he'd been
• 17:55
  sober for years because he came to a A and, and it was
• 17:59
  incredible. And after the meeting, I was
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  talking to him and I told him that I'd just come out of
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  Hillcrest Hospital and, and he said to me that I should come to
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  a A meetings more and I should do service work.
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  And then sure, the next time I went to the meeting there, it
• 18:18
  just so happened that the secretary picked up a drink and
• 18:22
  they said, Oh, you can be the secretary of Vanessa, you know,
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  like, you know, come and help us out.
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  And so I thought, oh, I'll help you out for a couple of weeks,
• 18:31
  you know, since I'm not working, I'll help you out.
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  And so I was the lunchtime secretary and I and then I quite
• 18:41
  liked being the lunchtime secretary and, and me and
• 18:44
  getting used to all the members there and all that.
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  And then I thought, this is doing me more good than than
• 18:51
  opening the meeting. You know, I felt so much better
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  doing, you know, being the secretary of the lunchtime
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  meeting. And so I wound up staying there
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  for 3 1/2 years. I said lunchtime secretary.
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  And then and then after that, I had to move house to Bedford
• 19:10
  Park. And by this stage, me and my
• 19:14
  husband weren't getting along really well.
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  You know, we were living in separate houses and, and anyway,
• 19:22
  so I went to the Bedford Park meeting and, and this guy there
• 19:26
  said, oh, I said, oh, I'll help you out because I live really
• 19:30
  close by. And he said to me, actually, I
• 19:32
  need to go to Melbourne for two weeks.
• 19:34
  You can open the meeting while I'm away.
• 19:36
  I said, OK, so I opened the Bedford Park meeting and this
• 19:41
  other girl that is just new came over from Port Lincoln and, and
• 19:46
  she helped me and we started, we started the Bedford Park Group
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  and, and the guy that gave it to me, I didn't see him again for
• 19:55
  two years later. He walked in the door and he
• 19:58
  said, oh, Vanessa, it's good. They just do it.
• 20:00
  Yeah, I'll go. Oh yeah, we've got a, we've got
• 20:03
  a group going now and everything.
• 20:05
  I go, yeah, it's good. You know, I say.
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  Anyway, I wound up staying at the Bedford Park Group for like
• 20:09
  14 years. That was really productive.
• 20:13
  Bedford Park, you know, we did lots of service work there.
• 20:17
  And I stopped smoking there as well.
• 20:19
  I and I also did this interferon treatment there to get rid of
• 20:24
  the Hep C And before I did the treatment, I started praying a
• 20:29
  real lot, like about weeks before I started the treatment.
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  And then when I the treatment was for seven months.
• 20:37
  And when I started the treatment, within two months,
• 20:42
  the virus had gone and they said to me, oh, you're a miracle, you
• 20:46
  know, you're a miracle. We'll, we'll like to put you
• 20:48
  down here, you know, as, as one of our best clients and all
• 20:53
  that. And, but I still had to complete
• 20:56
  the treatment for seven months. And I lost a lot of weight and
• 20:59
  my hair fell out and things like that.
• 21:00
  But after that, I felt like I had so much energy again, you
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  know, it was incredible. So a lot of lot of service work
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  and all that happened at Bedford Park and then the virus happened
• 21:15
  and then I had to move house and I moved down South Down Morphett
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  Vale and there was no midday meetings there.
• 21:24
  And I thought why don't they have a meeting here?
• 21:25
  What is the matter with these people, you know?
• 21:27
  And they said to me don't complain, you want a meeting, go
• 21:30
  open it and go find 1. And so, so this day I got up
• 21:35
  really early, I put a suit on and I went and knocked on the
• 21:38
  door after Salvation Army. And I said to them, I'm a member
• 21:42
  of our colleagues anonymous and I would like to open a midday
• 21:45
  meeting here. And the lady looked at me and
• 21:48
  she said that would help the community.
• 21:51
  When would you like to start this meeting?
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  And I couldn't believe it. She just gave me the keys, you
• 21:58
  know, and, and so I opened the Keep it Simple meeting and wrote
• 22:03
  out the format and all that. And anyway, that meeting is
• 22:06
  still going now. And then I moved house again and
• 22:09
  then I moved over north again for the first time.
• 22:13
  And then I opened a the emotional proprietary group
• 22:18
  meeting. So I'm opening that now.
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  And, and that's interesting as well.
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  And we'll get a lot more people coming there now.
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  So Alcoholics Anonymous has been instrumental in my life, you
• 22:35
  know, it's played a big role and it's kept me sober and, and most
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  of all, I've met the most interesting and helpful people
• 22:45
  that have helped me stay sober. It's been a journey, a really,
• 22:55
  really inspiring journey. Alcoholics Anonymous, you know,
• 22:59
  and my life, my life is completely different now,
• 23:05
  completely different. I've been so inspired by coming
• 23:09
  here and, and doing service work and going to meetings.
• 23:15
  I, I've always been the lover of going to a, a meetings because I
• 23:19
  feel that it's a special place with special people and, and God
• 23:26
  lives here. I've always felt that about a a
• 23:31
  meetings special, special. And it's it's blessed.
• 23:36
  I feel blessed. I feel totally blessed to to
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  have experienced a sober life. I couldn't possibly ask for
• 23:46
  anything more. And actually, when I look back
• 23:49
  on on all the years and all that like it, it was when I'm end up
• 23:55
  at Hillcrest Hospital and had all those, you know, I was
• 23:59
  losing my memory and I had those profound dreams about my
• 24:04
  childhood and I still remember those dreams today.
• 24:08
  You know, it's incredible. And ever since I had that
• 24:12
  experience, I've never been the same again.
• 24:15
  You know, my, my whole life, everything, everything about me
• 24:19
  has changed completely, completely.
• 24:22
  And so that was a complete transformation.
• 24:28
  What happened there at Hillcrest, Hillcrest Hospital,
• 24:31
  you know, and, and Alcoholics Anonymous is, is that special
• 24:39
  place, you know, of people that have recovered from a hopeless
• 24:42
  state of mind and body. And I truly believe that.
• 24:47
  And I believe the in the sunshine, not the spirit.
• 24:51
  I believe that I have been given this special little place where
• 24:55
  I can sit in the sun, you know, and and appreciate life to the
• 24:59
  fullest. So, yeah, thank you.
• 25:06
  Well, thank you. A A has more than two million
• 25:10
  recovering Alcoholics throughout the world.
• 25:13
  In Australia there are about 18,000 members.
• 25:18
  They're made in over 2000 local meetings spread around the
• 25:22
  country. Meetings range in size from a
• 25:25
  handful in some areas to hundreds or more in larger
• 25:30
  communities. And once again, if anyone you
• 25:33
  know is struggling with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics
• 25:37
  Announcing 1300 Double 22222 or visit their website on aa.org
• 25:45
  dot AU.