Latest / Casually Crashing Out / This Might Be TMI...
Transcript
- Taylor Hannah E1: Welcome, welcome, my unhinged baddies. I'm Taylor Coker and you're listening to Casually Crashing Out. Because what fun is completely losing your shit without an audience? I cannot tell you how hot it is I feel like I cannot escape the heat, guys. I remember last year it was this hot, and this was about the time I made my husband go to tractor supply and buy an above ground pool. And I'm telling you, we're we're it's it's about that. It's about to it is too hot. It is, can we just all agree it's too friggity fraggity hot? there's n I walk around my home and I I don't even like taking my trash out because I sweat. I know all my friends in Florida are like, shut the fuck up, Taylor. listen, there ain't no hot like a Florida hot. And I don't care what anyone says. I lived there for 27 a long years and there is no hot like a Florida hot. There is no humidity like a Florida humidity. I do not care what you say. That heat, that thick, dense, humid heat, you could chew on it, it is insane. My hair, if I used to try to do my hair in Florida, I remember my hair's curly naturally. I try to be relevant. You know, back when I was a teenager, curly wasn't cool. People wanted straight hair. I've embraced my curls now, but back in the day, no, I was a frizzy, fro haired freak. We always joke about this video when I was a kid. And I mean, obviously I was made to be a star because it's me and my sisters, and we're all just, you know, dancing around in our Halloween costumes. And, my sisters are just so cute and dainty. They're just like, You know, my little sister, she's like a cat. And then the other one, she's like a you know, Jasmine. know, i it was adorable. They're all so cute. And then in comes this mammoth of a child with mind you, my my mom had just given me an at-home haircut. And again, I had curly hair, curly, frizzy, fro hair. And she cut it to what she thought was my shoulders, but it ended up like obviously shrinking to my chin because I had curly hair. So it just looked like I was wearing this helmet on my head and I just swoop in in my devil costume, just ready. I'm just and you know, I'm so just I'm I'm it just looks like I'm made for the camera, really. And I just my family jokes about it all the time. It's yeah, I'm there there I go, going off topic. But they do that just shows you my f the family dynamic that the my family dynamic. but yeah, I've had frizzy, fro hair my whole life and I have learned to love it. Curly hair, girls, don't touch your hair. Don't touch it, don't touch it, don't touch it. I wish someone would have told me long ago to stop touching it, to stop straightening it, to stop bleaching it, because it's taken me a long time to try to get it beautiful again, but don't touch it. Curly hair is beautiful hair. don't listen to all those mean little kids that tell you otherwise. Kids are mean, okay? And Speaking of mean kids, I am just want to say, and I wanna say it. I am so sick of bullying. I don't care what form I've had my personal run-in with bullying recently. And it really took me back to a time that I was not comfortable with, know, back in elementary school when I used to get teased. And I just want to say, like, is bullying is not cool. We can all agree, correct? Who the f is bullying people now? why are why are we doing that? Who is doing that? is bullying people? Who is making people feel less than to make themselves feel better? is doing that? I need to know because whoever it is, got a life. You're a hoe. You're a hoe and your mom's a hoe. Your mom's a hoe. All right. Let's see. What else? What else can we talk about? We went to how was everyone's fourth of July, by the way? mean, come on. I'm sure it was hot. I know it was hot. We don't need to reiterate, but me and Jason, and Jalen, we all went to his mom's and we hung out with his sister and her family and we brought Zoe. It was a lot of fun. They went tubing, the girlies went shopping, we went to a winery. all very hot, hot things, but it was so hot. But we had a great we went. this part of the episode is we are we are we are here and we are we are fully present. We are happy. Wonderful. So happy. you really appreciate when you get to do stuff like that with family. And it may seem crazy in the moment, know. You may s things are, you know, you have so many different personalities you know, in one area that don't see each other very often. So it's just three different family units, you know, trying to blend don't see each other very often and aren't, you know, they don't live with each other's quirks. And so yeah, it can be challenging, obviously, but You leave and then you think, wow, that was a really fun time. I'm glad we got to do that. And we went out to a great, I don't if anyone ever goes out to a place in North Georgia, Blue Ridge, there is a steakhouse there called Grace Prime. It is incredible. Incredible. Some of the best food I've ever had. We've been twice now. I will say that we have a specific server that we are in love with. His name is Sean. If you ever go in there, ask for Sean. He is the best. He's the best, best, best, best. Anyways, I've just wanted to give a shout out to Sean. He'll never hear this podcast, but on the off chance he does, Sean, you're the best. Going camping this weekend, or maybe a night ride with the hubby? It's about that time, guys. Either way, Mudslip Mafia's got you covered. Taylor Coker: No matter your size, your vibe, or what you ride, there's literally something for everybody. And honestly, it's more than just a brand. It's a whole community of people who just get that mud bogger lifestyle. Taylor Hannah E1: Thank you to all who have rejoined us this week for another episode of your new favorite podcast, Casually Crashing Out with myself I, Taylor Coker, and always a rotating special guest. this week I wanted to do something a little bit different. I know last week me and my friend Hannah, I love her so much. Shout out Hannah. I know last week and Hannah, we talked a lot about relationships and being married, a lot of, know, stuff, stuff that people that are married go through. And I wanted to let my audience know that I'm thinking about everybody. Okay. I understand not all of you are married. I understand that we all have our different crash outs. And so I wanted to bring a different dynamic to the table. That being said Taylor Coker: She's hot, she's spicy, and she's on a thousand milligram gummy as we speak. My beautiful bestie. Heather. You're so beautiful. Thank you. Yourself Tanner. You're gorge. I love you. I love you. Let me tell you guys something. Heather has lived quite a life, So I knew when I was starting this podcast, you were definitely gonna be we we were gonna we were gonna work some magic together. You could write a book with all the stories that you tell me about your dating life. My dating life. It's kinda scary, but I remember when I first met you, one of the things that I loved the most about you is we were sitting at a table and you started talking about your dogs and your mean ass Chihuahua Java. Yeah, you know, I I can't And he's like This dog will never die. He's still Yeah, he's your he's and you said he's your spirit animal. He is. He's the one that I locked into. He loves me. I think he probably still hates you even a little bit. Yes, because I hate him. They're just they have a B a trauma bond. That's what they call those. A trauma bond. That's a good mom kept on flicking his balls when he was little. So I think that has a lot to do with the hate in But that's another story for another day. this is Heather. Okay. So, Heather, before we begin each episode, it's kind of important. It's like a thing we do on this. We do a mental health check. mental health awareness through humor and community. That's what we're doing here. so On a when to ten, what where where are you at right now? how you feel right now. Yeah, like how are you feeling right now? One to ten. That's me and Hannah both. Really? Well, I had a day off and yeah, you're like it was my day off too, but I'm gonna go home to a clean house, so it's a seven. Yeah, you're right. You're right. God, can you imagine having a day where it's like a nine? Yeah, really? You're yeah. God man, yeah. I wish I could have a nine soon. I bet it's coming. It's right around the corner. When are going? So Taylor Hannah E1: I hate to already leave all my listeners disappointed, but I had recorded a Crash Out of the Week segment and right before I dropped this episode, I accidentally deleted the whole thing. So I mean I'm human guys. I'm sorry. I make a lot of mistakes. But yes, I deleted the whole segment. good news is I always take things like that as a sign from The Lord Above, instead, what I'm gonna do for you guys is a few weeks ago, I made a song on one of Jason's little apps, and it was a song about a crash out of the week that I had had. and it it's pretty funny. So I'm gonna go ahead and play that for you guys right here instead for this week's segment of Crash Out of the Week. So here we go. Taylor Coker: Heather, we're gonna do play a game with you. The game is gonna be called casual or crash out. And how it works is I'm going to say a scenario in reference to dating. And you are going to say casual, casual being like no biggie, crash out being like what the fuck? Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm going to start casual or crash out. He's shorter than you. Crash out. I'm pretty short. unless it's a little person and then you know how turned on I am by people. What about a jockey midget? little like Heather, put that on your dating profile. Is a jockey midget too much to ask for? there's any midget jockeys out there that want naked the pictures of Heather with no clothes on, or at least topless, join my Patreon. I'm just kidding. Hey, you never know. I could wear it. I'm just kidding. I could see him at work. Yeah, he makes they what if this coming week we had like twenty midget jockeys come in and they're like, We're here to see Heather? We actually are gonna have micro wrestling at the casino. I'm so excited for that. I cannot wait. Okay. so okay, casual or crash out. and and this next one may or may not be something that you already had happen you. Where's a Dolly Parton shirt on the first date? I tried with that man. I did. I tried. You did. So I mean I went to dinner with Yeah, you gave him a you gave him an honest shot. His nipples was just sticking out like an inch long in this Dolly Parton tight t shirt. Dolly Parton's eyes were laser beaming her, is what she's trying to say. But okay, let's back this up. The reason I did go on a date with him, because he gave me a $300 tip with his room number on the $100 bill. Did you go to the room? Absolutely not. But you went on a date because you felt like you should at least give him a chance. Heather, that is very nice. But that that date sucks. You're like, but I wish I never went. Let's just clarify. After okay, we went to a restaurant and then we went to the movies and before the movies, of course me, I'm popping a gummy. And he looked over and he was a nurse and he's like, I want some of that. I said, No, you don't. No no you don't. I would be like, This is not anything that you need, sir. So I said, dude, okay. I said just take a corner. He took like half of it. I would imagine the date probably didn't go very well from that point forward. I don't even know. If he found his way to back to his room. I just dropped him off the front door. Him and Dolly could go on up. Yeah. Every time we talk about him, I'm like, you're Dolly Parton prince. now I'm gonna say you're Dolly Parton nipple prince. I've never seen him again after that. never again? No. he wasn't like us. Well no, what's that one guy? Charlie? Was it Charlie? Charlie was his name, big dick Charlie. Okay, next one on the list doesn't tip. no. Crash out. That's first of all, I have gotten into full-blown arguments with my husband in a Mexican restaurant parking lot. For accidentally undertipping, okay? is the biggest turnoff. Big Dick Charlie would have been the perfect guy. that's the one that wouldn't tip. And that's why I left him because I didn't even remember Big Dick Charlie didn't tip. And I and I might just leave the name Charlie in. Can I leave Charlie in? Okay, Big Dick Charlie. Anyways. Charlie will never hear this podcast. But if but if you do, Charlie, you've got a big dick. Apparently. It it was amazing. And a small wallet. Okay. He was the first no, he made really good money. He had good money. He just didn't want to spend it. That's always the way it goes. Now he did tip me. He tip me a dollar a beer, which that's reasonable. I I'm okay with a dollar of beer, you know. I don't do much. But you said you went out and he didn't But we went to a Mexican restaurant and he didn't tip at all. I asked her to ring me up a Pepsi and she knew what I was doing. She said that's okay. I said no, ring me up a Pepsi now. Did he hear you say that? Yes. And then she brought back the receipt. I gave her a twenty five dollar tip, which was generous, but I was embarrassed. So Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. I I feel like service industry folks are just a different level of kind. I I mean I know that people think we're so mean, but I go out and I'm the most forgiving when it when I go to Absolute Heather, do you remember that time we went to Waffle House and the girl that was serving us was most definitely on so many pills. She's not at the Waffle House though, but She didn't know where she was. Heather. worked at J. She was we we went there after work one night. It was my god. And and mind you, we just shouldn't have gone, really. I mean, there were so many signs that we shouldn't have gone. We walked in there, it was a horrible night. We were with two of our coworkers and they they left. There was like drunk customers that we were serving at the that. from where we had left work, they were there and they're like, hey, come sit with us. And we're like, absolutely fucking not. You do not want to sit with your drunk ass. Yeah. We just wanted a coffee and a waffle. I just wanted a fucking waffle. Yeah. All Heather wanted was a waffle. I mean she talked about no, you talked about your she wanted a protein bowl. She talked about this protein bowl from the moment she got to work. was craving it. And so that's the only reason I stayed because she's like, I I just need to get that protein bowl. Like I've been thinking about it all night. I'm like, okay, I'll stay with you, you know? I protein bowl. So our waitress, Just complete blasted. Like, I mean, I don't know what is going on in there, but everything we're saying to her is just She was gone. Yeah, she there was nothing inside. by the way, it took her like 20 minutes to come get our drink orders and then another 20 minutes to bring us br actually bring me my drink. Heather was sitting right next to me and she didn't bring her a drink. I wasn't even there as like she ignored it. I mean Heather was sitting right next to me. The lady had to reach over Heather to give me my drink and not give Heather her drink. She took my order. So, long story short, she brought out her food. And I'm just sitting here looking at her. And she looked at the cook and said, I'm going on break. And they both walked out. And I didn't get nothing. Nothing. Not a waffle. Not a crumb. I gave you my waffle. Yes, you did give me your waffle. Yeah. Because I got my whole ass breakfast. And Heather sat there. for another five minutes and I'm like, There's no way she forgot you again. There's no way she just didn't put your food in. Like, there's no way. We're like, Did you get her bowl? And she's like, What? What'd you have? And I forgot. I said after she finished she can have my wobble. This is what happened. She still got her to go order. I got everything. That girl And Heather was the one, because I was like, we should this place sucks. Heather was the one that was like, no, they're having a rough night. Like, it's fine. I was so understanding. Yeah. It it kinda got to me though, when it got to my ticket, I'm like, I'm not paying for nothing. I'm not paying for my Mr. Pib. Took me thirty minutes to get my Pib. That's the first time and only time I have never tipped. I I I'm sure there's times I haven't tipped. And and I it take it would take a lot for me to do that, honestly. Like not getting your food. Yeah, you're like like ignoring me the whole time, acting like I didn't exist is a reason to not give you a tip. The whole dining experience I would not leave them a tip. I thought something was wrong with me. Yeah, she didn't even acknowledge you. Speaking of smothered and covered, okay, moving on. His mattress is on the floor. I feel like this is another one that might have actually been a story you told me. I could do that. I could do that. You could? I there's okay, I can make f I make fun of a lot of things. I have my limits on that because they can't help it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. They can, but they can't. That's very non judgmental of you. And I think that shows a lot about your character, which is really, really nice because I'm not nice. That's just I'm kind, but I'm not naive. there you go. There's a lot of different living situations. I guess a better way to put it is like, why is there mattress on the floor? You know, are you is your mattress on the floor because you're like a piece of shit? Or are you on the floor because you're like taking care of your grandma or living with your grandma and like Or Yeah, you don't know. And it depends on what other part of the house looks like though. You're right. you're so right. But I'm like, if his whole kitchen table's on the floor, we're judging immediately. I'm Big wooden spool. He invites her over for dinner. It's like a Fisher price. And sometimes I'm okay with that too. Heather's like, that's cute. You actually tried. see when I see red flags, it's a carnival. I'm like game on. Yeah, you are. you're like, I don't immediately walk away. I just play I play the game a little bit. I just see where it takes me, just a little bit. me. That's why I love you. Yeah. You're so funny. Eeny meeny teeny weeny. Casual or Crash Out I had this a couple of times. was about to say every female can relate. I don't want to say female. Every being can relate. See, you know what sucks? It's always the best guys that are the worst kissers and have the smallest penises. No, it sucks. I don't want to sound shallow, but kissing's a big part of a relationship. kissing is sloppy. I think a bigger deal than how big your penis is. I think so. No. What do they say? You gotta you gotta check the tire pressure before you buy the car or something. That's not right. You gotta kick the bunker bumper. You can't teach someone how to kiss. No. Who hasn't told you that you need to fix this by now? Well see, like my recent guy, okay, he was he was married for thirteen years. And when I say this guy could not have sex, left in the middle. Like I was on top and I got up got off and said, I cannot do this. That's And I was thinking, did you have sex with your wife like this for thirteen years? God bless her. If this is what she she should have left you the first six months. And how on the hell do you have two kids from having sex? Yes. my God, so true. It was so bad. But he was he was good looking. Yeah. I still see him every now and then. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Yeah, no sex though. No. Yeah. And then his best friend came in and asked me why it didn't work out. And I'm like, he's a great guy. Mm-hmm. Perfect. I mean, r just retired from EMT. He's not a bad looking guy. Still in his forties now. Yeah, he's not a bad looking guy. But I told his best friend I said he can't have sex. He sucks in bed and he says, I've heard that. no. Can you imagine being known as someone who sucked in the bedroom? well, okay, first of all, teeny weenies need a whole episode. We can't really go on about teeny weenies for much longer. that's not my story, okay? I can't be with a teeny weeny for life. picture. He sent me a picture and he lied. And that that fucking He lied? Like it wasn't his actual penis. Yeah, I was gonna say, was it a stock photo, Chat GBT? It had to have a zoom. Because he sent it to Chat GBT and was like, make my make my penis look veinier, larger, bluer, and ready. When he pulled it out, I'm like, there's no way. I was so disappointed. Like I was like, Heather's like, if I was ever gonna try anal, it was gonna be right there, right then. That was the first time I did try anal. Yeah, yeah. The very few times I don't do that. But she's like only small wieners. I'm married, but I'm sorry, Nope, not that's not happening. I think I could count on on one hand how many times that happened to me. Yeah. Because if you're gonna be with someone with any girth to their guild. Exactly. my butthole only stretches so So you don't do nothing with the back door. You're like No, I'm not I'm not. to me I'm not that's not my thing. I've literally listen, guys, I've literally said if I could on the amount of times I've said wrong hole. How many times I've said wrong hole. Don't Whoops. No, no, not whoops. Yeah. We've been together long enough, you know what right what hole is the right hole, okay? But I love my husband. I love him. Get yourself a hype man of a husband. That's all I have to say. If you get a husband. He Heather, you you don't ever want to get married again? I've never been married. Well, I was married for two weeks, but that don't count. Why doesn't it count? Why doesn't it count? Because it was just two weeks. That doesn't matter. How long were you with the person? Two weeks before we got married. So four weeks. Or my count. And he was missing a finger. And get this. Okay, so I'm I'm gonna say names. So his last name was Perry. And my first name's Mary. So my name is Mary Perry. That shit just automatically divorced right there, you know. But I was in first grade, There was this guy named David Taylor. I remember I was like in first grade, guys, you know, and everyone used to make fun of this kid. And I mean, I'm an empath. I obviously felt bad for this kid, you know, because I don't want anyone to make fun of anybody, But they would like just because my name was Taylor and his last name was Taylor, they would always say, if you guys ever got married, your name would be Taylor Taylor. And I'm like, We're not gonna get married. I didn't even know him. Like, I feel so bad now. I mean, that what a horrible way to torment a child. Because I was an empath, I felt so bad for him. So they were making me feel bad for myself and for him all in one insult. Kids are so mean. They are. Yeah, they're the meanest. That's why I'm glad I'm working in a place where no kids are allowed. I don't like kids anymore. The I mean, we have adults that act like children. But even then, but even then it's still better than actual children, Because you what? If you take them out in the parking lot and whip their ass, it's not child abuse. You're right. You can just say what you want. Exactly. You're right. I'm gonna tell you right now, everyone needs a Heather because you know, as much as I love where I work, sometimes the bar will get a little bit rowdy, Every bar needs a a bartender, which conveniently enough, she's the littlest one, remember that old guy that yelled at me about a fuzzy navel? Do you remember? And he couldn't hear. Yeah. no one could hear. The music was so loud. But it was just funny because when we finally heard him, the music had cut for like point two seconds. So he heard fuzzy. So we heard fuzzy navel. And then and I mean he was screamed at so violently. Yeah. And I'm like, And the music goes back up, And then I ran him his drink and I said, Fuzzy. you and he's like okay good drink yeah the music's so loud he had already cursed at us five times by that point he was very upset about waiting for his fuzzy navel And you also eat with your eyes before your mouth. Yeah. So when you see it looks so good. If long and but now that we've set it all out and people see it, they order it. Yes, cause Chris, when she'll be machines, mm-hmm. We have after that. Yeah. Always come But let's get back. Yeah, I was gonna say we're literally back on I saw you get mad at a woman once at work and told her Me? Yes. And you were so okay, you were so mad, but you was so polite. I know. That's how I do it. You're like, Don't come to me next time. I advise you to go to another bartender. Yeah, I said next time you need a drink. you can go over there to one of them because obviously like we're not vibing. And she couldn't say nothing because you wasn't rude. I We should us Okay. A gigantic weenie. See, that was big dick Charlie. And that was, I think you said it would it was, if he was a good tipper, it would have been it would have been perfect. Yeah. But it took his four tries for him to put it all the way in. That's how big he was. I don't think that would be my thing. I'm telling you, there's such a thing as being too big. Am I right? Yes. There's such thing. And I think that that's like fun, maybe. But can you imagine the damage it would do ultimately in the long run? Your insides would be like hollowed out, bro. It would be like you'd have like bruised pelvic bones and stuff. I mean when girls are like, my my boyfriend has a huge neck. I'm like, Well, you're that means you're a loosey goosey. And it means that your lips are long. It means you have long lips, a loosey goose, and you probab you probably need to go to the doctor. Because I don't think that's normal. Okay? That's what I want to say. But like I'm more of a normal schmormal kind of girl, you know. Have you ever had the sex with a guy that's like really weird? I went out on a blind date and this guy proceeds to tell me he had he has demons attached to him. His house is not haunted. He told you this date date one. Yes, date one. At Applebee's. and we had a drink or two and we was loosening up, getting to know each other. He's thinking it's the right time to tell you that he has attached to demons. Well I something came up about ghosts and he's told me I I was s and he's like, you know, I got a lot of ghosts in my house and I'm like, my gosh, you know, that's so cool. That's so cool. Later on in the conversation, I guess he was getting You opened up a can of worms there and he was telling me He was feeling he was getting the feelers out. You said that's so cool. I'd have been like, That's fucking creepy. No. So it's at any house he lived at. So in the back of my mind I'm like, I gotta have sex with this guy Why? Because I mean he's possessed. It has to be good sex, right? In my mind, that's what I He's like it she's like at my fucked up brain. So so he's like, follow me home. Yeah. I'm like, okay, cool. So he walked me out to my truck and it was parked under a tree. And there was a big ass spider on top of my truck, and this mofo pushed me to run. That should have been a s like a signal to go home with him. But I did. You still went home with him? I thought the story ended there. So and this this remark Well, she said no I had to. I was sticking it out. When you say mattress on the floor, he didn't have a mattress on the floor, but he did have a couch mattress, like the couch folded out into a bed. Yeah. I don't know. You can come in. You're big when you're doing that. It's yeah, I'm like when you pop out in the window. Yeah, we're talking about we're talking about goats. Yeah, we're just talking, honey. You just stand there. We're just talking. Okay, so I thought I thought that was the last one. but there's not. I actually have more. I have I have two more. No, I have four more. Okay. Okay. in his room. We're we're going at it. But I noticed on the TV he had the exorcist going while we're having sex. my God. He was like I don't know if it was like coincidence or if it just came on or But this guy, it was the worst thing. Like no foreplay. It was straight in the hole. straight to the business Were you already s were you already ready? I I was a little bit ready. Yeah. Yeah. I've been raw dogging it. But anyway. Yeah, we don't raw dog around here. No raw dogging around here. it was it was bad. I didn't go back. I didn't go back. And I see him a lot. you see him a lot, you said I see him a lot still. You're like, and we're really good friends still in No, we're not good friends. nipple piercings. absolutely. Really? Yeah. Absolutely. You are a nipple piercing girl? Okay. would funny story. I wouldn't do my own. Big Titty Robnip. Someone with their nipples pierced. When I was when I was writing this, I I was like, Jason, didn't you have your nipples pierced? I don't know why I assumed that. He was like, No, I was too I heard that hurt. He said he's he said, I had everything else pierced though. Everything. And I was like, Ew. So you would have your penis pierced, but not your nip. He said he didn't have his penis pierced, but the way he said it, I don't know. I would like to, I would beg to differ, but I think he saw my reaction and Honey, can you imagine Bob bad news Bobby Brown with the morning? I'm gonna cut it out, honey. But can you imagine? Lord. You couldn't imagine. Did you say I was an asshole? Jacobs ladder. He pulled back a little bit. I don't know. But he it he said that he was too afraid for his nipples. He said he h heard that hurts. That probably does hurt very bad. I would imagine. had some nipple rings? Could you imagine Rob? God. currently in prison. Currently in prison though. No. She's like, maybe fresh out of prison. Fresh out, yes. No, there is I I feel like I knew you'd have a story about something to do with prison. Now when I met him, he only had a week more to go. So I'm like, Okay, that's cool. It's only a That that don't count. So I did meet him when he got out. I picked him up. so that don't count though. my God, you should be on that show Prison Wives. The what's that show? Prison wise? no it's not the business. Ninety day fiance or sixty days. No lock love after lock up. You should be on that show. But I don't know what Yeah. But you did go pick him up? I did go pick him up. That was very good sex. Yeah, he's probably ready. He was probably he was ready. Wound up, like a roundup toy. yes. Okay, last one. on life support and or dead. Yeah, it depends on how much she's worth, I guess. I love that she's that one was the one like, Well, it depends. It depends. Every other one she was like, Nope, yes, nope, yes. How good is the insurance? Yeah. What are we talking? Would I be the beneficiary? Taylor Hannah E1: Alrighty guys, it's time for y'all's favorite segment, people who owe me an apology. for this week. we're switching things up. Welcome to people who I owe an apology. Let's meet this week's contestants. Contestant number one, the sweet little old lady at McDonald's who accidentally got the full wrath over a forgotten McCrispy sandwich. We were getting lunch. and I was in a horrible mood, I really did not need to be in that McDonald's. But They had already forgotten like our sauces. And of course, me, I was just making such a big deal out of everything. Again, I literally should have been chained up in the car. But we got to the car and I just opened the bag. And my husband, you could see the fear in his eyes. I mean, I just They forgot my sandwich. And I snatched the bag out of his hand and ran inside. And I was like, excuse me. You know, and this woman who has clearly no idea what's going on, she's off in the corner, probably cleaning the toilets. Who knows? I don't know. But she comes over, she's like, Yes, ma'am. And was like, You guys forgot my Mick Crispy? But she grabbed my McCrispie for me, And I snatched it out of her hand because I'm a horrible person. And she even said, I'm so sorry, ma'am. Have a great day. As I walked out and I just I ignored her. And if you know me, I never do that. But I was just, guys, I was already furious over a completely different situation. And unfortunately, she just caught the emotional ricochet of it. Not my finest moment. but I mean, do I handle stress in the healthiest way? Obviously not. Hence the podcast. It's either this or therapy. Contestant number two, the teenage lifeguard at my mother-in-law's pool. All right, guys, so picture this. There's seven of us. We have towels, we have sunscreen, we have pool bags, we have a cooler. I mean, we were ready. Okay. We were on a mission. We were waiting for the rain to stop. Sun had just came out. There was this little girl This was a a teenager, guys. She was just trying to do her job. and we're all you know, lined up at the gate and she tells us that she can't open the pool because of the lightning. Now, I just wanna say again, this girl's just trying to do her job and and poor thing does not realize who we have with us. my mother-in-law, if you ever think you're gonna tell my mother-in-law what she can and can't do, respectfully, she's gonna hit you with a big old F you. she walked up to that little girl, guns ablazing. She hit that little girl with. I am a resident. And I called the office and these pools are open. Were they open? I don't know. Did she call the office? I don't know. But that poor little girl opened that gate faster than I've ever seen anyone do anything. And I swear she spent the rest of the afternoon avoiding eye contact with our entire family. And every time I walked by, her just, are you guys having a good time? I was like, Of course we are. I'm so sorry You you're not gonna challenge Judge Judy. She wins always. And finally, contestant number three. this apology is long overdue. and I think it's just about time that I just go ahead and do it. This apology is owed to myself. The last few months I I feel like I've been putting my own peace of mind and my happiness at the bottom of my priority list. And I have realized that you only get one life. One. nobody wakes nobody wakes up in your body. No one lives no one else is gonna have to live with your decisions. No one's gonna carry your anxiety or protect your peace. That is your job. Of course, the people that you love Of course, that's not what I'm saying. They absolutely do. But if you are constantly running on empty, trying to keep everyone else happy and okay. Eventually you're gonna run out of gas and nobody wins. Sometimes the pol So the point of this, I guess, is sometimes the apology you need isn't from somebody else. Sometimes it's the one that you owe And I think it's about time that I accepted it. And I accept my apology, and we are on to bigger and better things. I'm gonna let you guys pick the winner on that Taylor Coker: if someone were to Heather, if someone were to ask you idea of a crash out first date that you've had what's your unfortunate hot take? I don't remember this guy's name. But I met him on it was a dating app. But anyways, we met out in the movies parking lot because we just want to go to the movies and we had like, you know, forty five minutes. So I'm like, get in my car and talk to me. Since I haven't seen him, I was trying to play safe. And like thirty minutes into the conversation he asked me if I could watch him masturbate. Just That is a very cra like I'd be crashing out. What'd you say, by the way? I'm like, well, I don't wanna watch you. But I didn't wanna like take down the vibe. So I'm like, here's a nap. I didn't want to ruin the date. So I was like, Well you can do it, but I'm gonna be over here. I'm trying to still think positive. Heather. too you can't I told him I was wanna wait outside until he gets done. Mm-hmm. That's nice of you. You're a classy lady. I was Maybe he was like, you know, really nervous and that's how he got his nerves out. I don't know, on any given day, if you asked me my idea of a crash out date, first date, for me, at the time. I met this guy and he was one of those guys, you know when you talk to guys on dating websites and they can be they're they're like pervy and weird, but some guys are like actually cool and like nice and they don't say anything that's like inappropriate. You it's like a dime a dozen now. But he was really cool and we ended up hanging out and I I wanted to hang out kind of in a very casual setting. So we ended up we went to a bar because, I don't know if romantic vibes are there yet. We just like were shooting the shit kind of. the second we walked in, there were like a popular whiskey at the time was in there and they were serving shots like like shooter girls. they were just giving them out And I cannot tell you how many of those shooters I took, but it was enough to the point where I blacked out. shit. I ended up in my car in the parking lot to him. like, hey buddy, are you okay? And I'm like, I am so sorry. I'm like half out of my car, like puking. He actually took me to his no, it was me. It was the worst. But you know what's really funny? So he took me back to his house. Did not try to do anything with me. we ended up becoming friends after this. We actually ended up becoming roommates after this. But funny enough, This whole thing happened and then we ended up like We didn't talk for a little bit and then we tried to have a date again. were like, let's like try this one more time. And I did it again. I literally did the same thing. wasn't off fireball. I'm pretty sure it was off like tequila. I think I was in the bar and I had too much tequila. But after I had just spent like, I'm not I don't normally do that. I literally did it again. And he was like, Listen, like you're a cool girl, but I think you got a lot of shit. I think you got a lot of shit you got going on. No. We ended up being roommates because, you know, we were friends. we realized we were cool friends. Yes, absolutely. I don't even know as a married woman, I don't know what you even do on a first date anymore. I don't know, like do you go out, do you go to bars? Is getting drunk on first dates cool anymore? Is that even a thing? You're not supposed to, but I do. Yeah, I was gonna say, I feel like that's never goes out of style, but I just know that that's always how my first dates went But I but maybe that's the problem, Yes. Maybe that was my problem. Where do you find them at? I mean I mean, yeah, no, I couldn't tell you. Again, I'm married. You cannot find people I'm so thankful that in this day and age, that I'm with somebody because I couldn't imagine. I hear the horror stories from everybody else and it's bad. So I'm sorry for you. Nibbles? Yes. I mean, maybe Do you ever check their zodiac signs before you? No. Is that a thing? You don't? Maybe that's another thing you need to change. Start asking their zodiac signs. What's your zodiac sign? I don't care about mine. What Leo. I knew that. It's Leo. I knew that. Heather is so a Leo. You are so a Leo. Is that a good thing? it's you are a s you are a hundred percent a Leo. You're very loyal. Yes, I am. Yeah, and I think Leos are like they say they usually say like even tempered, but I'm a Gemini, a Geminis are get along well with Leos because you're a fire sign and I'm an air sign. So we actually get along. okay, if you had to give someone younger dating ad if you had to give your younger self dating advice, what would you tell yourself? If you had to give your younger self advice? Know your self worth. Absolutely. That's great. Because in my younger days I settled Yeah. And I don't settle no more. when I became single and was paying my own bills doing all my own shit, I was scared. And I think anyone else would be. But once you know you could do it. Yeah. Once you start doing it, you're it's just what you do. You're like this is me. Yeah, you can be selective. You're a bad mamma jamma bitch. And you can say, you know what, I don't want you. Yeah, I don't need you. Exactly. I can want you, but I don't need you. And my life's better without you. Absolutely. If I had to give my younger self advice I would honestly probably tell myself to stop wearing animal print leggings and ballerina flats together because I looked like In your chicken legs. Because I feel like it was not doing me any favors. I looked like Mermaid Man from SpongeBob. I think that would be a cute look. No. I still rock it at the house. No. I look at pictures of myself. I look at old Facebook posts of of what I write and I'm like, I hate myself. Why? I'll be like flash. Delete anyone wants to comment on my life. Take a number. Take a backseat. I'm like, what the fuck? Why wasn't I writing in a journal? You just have to I needed someone needed to comment and be like, go buy a journal, bitch. You just have a we all have moments on there, you know. I've been time you do that, Heather, I'm gonna message you and say, Buy a journal, bitch. And and you're gonna know. You're gonna just know like I Just put down Dear Diary. Yeah. like, cause care. I delete people like that though. I'm like, I do not get too shit. I but I love you guys. I fucking hate people. But I mean there's certain And I think it's what happens when you it's cause we work in the service industry. When you work in the service industry, you start really hating people. I could stay home at least five days a week and not go nowhere. Yeah, I I agree. I I'm a homebody for sure. It's my happy place. okay, so this is the section of the podcast. It's called Why Am I Like This? listeners already know, but how it goes is we just pretty much say something it doesn't even have to be recently. Just something that were, you know, why quirky, funny, crazy, chaotic, whatever you want it to be. It's really up to your discretion. Why am I like this? so the other night as I was watching people pass by and I was really bored. And this is gonna embarrass me, but like couples, I picture them in my head having sex. Heather. When you look at two people and you think they made a child, you never think of like what position they were in when they made that child. I do. I wonder how that I'm like, I bet you that child was a back. Dor Taylor Hannah E1: Alrighty Spiral Squad, we've reached the end yet again. But before we say goodbye, how about a little pause for perspective, shall we? And And since the theme for this week's episode was clearly crash out dating, I figured this would be a good time to talk about a long awaited breakup with my job. Being in the service industry is not easy. I know people like to paint it like it is. It is not easy. as I'm getting older, my social fuse, my fuse of being able to be out and perform in public is growing shorter and shorter. I'm not good with breaking up with anything I don't like change. I don't like leaving things behind. I don't like feeling like I failed at something, like I gave up on something I waited way too long. There was a lot of resentment built up if you know something needs to change, if you know that you are not happy in your life and you know something is toxic for you. Stop wasting any more of your precious time left on earth doing something that you completely despise. Why are you doing that to yourself? You don't know how much time you have left here. Why waste it? Why waste it? I understand everyone's situation is different. I'm just speaking from my own experience and growth, I'm a hundred percent happier this is why I started this podcast. I I wanted an outlet. I needed something to do to pass the time. I needed something to look forward to, something that I could build, something that I could brand, something that I could be proud of. And I thought doing that would would help me with my job circumstance. I thought maybe it would finding an outlet would help it to where the job was more tolerable, but it in fact did the exact opposite and made it to where Now that I was doing something that I absolutely loved and was very passionate about, it made that thing that I hated so much worse if that makes any sense, it just made it so much worse. So yeah, I tried my best. and that's all that matters. It's all that matters. Sometimes you gotta let go and let God. And I'd say that just about wraps up episode two of Casually Crashing Out. join us next week for an all-new episode with all new stories featuring an all new co-host. Who you ask? you'll just have to wait and see, but I promise you guys you're not gonna want to miss this one.