Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Run Their First One-on-One
Transcript
- Lucas: You've just been promoted. You have a team of seven. And tomorrow morning you have your first one-on-one with each of them. What do you actually talk about? Luna: That's the moment where a lot of new managers freeze. They've been on the other side of the table, but now they're the one setting the agenda. Lucas: Right. And the instinct is to fill the time with status updates — what's on your plate, what's blocking you, what's the deadline. But if you do that, you're basically running a mini stand-up, not a one-on-one. Luna: So what's the difference? I think a lot of listeners might not see the distinction. Lucas: A stand-up is about the work. A one-on-one is about the person doing the work. Your job in that thirty minutes is to understand what's on their mind — not just what's on their task list. There's a Gallup study from a few years back that found teams where managers hold regular, structured one-on-ones see engagement scores about twelve percent higher than teams where managers skip them or treat them as status checks. Luna: Twelve percent is significant. And that's not just a happiness metric — engagement correlates with retention, productivity, all of it. Lucas: Exactly. So let's talk about what a structured first one-on-one actually looks like. I'll use a real example — a friend of mine, Sarah, got promoted to engineering team lead at a mid-size SaaS company. She inherited a team of seven, some of whom were peers a month earlier. Her first one-on-ones set the tone for everything that followed. Luna: That's the peer to manager transition, which is its own challenge. But the structure she used — can you walk us through it? Lucas: Sure. She sent a calendar invite with a one-sentence agenda: 'I'd love to hear about what's working for you, what's not, and how I can best support you.' That's it. No bullet-pointed list of status items. She also attached a short document with three questions she wanted them to think about beforehand. Luna: What were the three questions? Lucas: Number one: 'What's one thing you'd like me to know about your work that I might not see from the outside?' Number two: 'What's something you'd like to learn or try in the next quarter?' Number three: 'How do you prefer to receive feedback — in the moment, in writing, or scheduled?' Luna: I love that last one. Most new managers assume everyone wants feedback the same way they do. But some people need time to process before they can hear it. Lucas: Right. And that question signals that you're thinking about how to work with them, not just what you need from them. Sarah told me that in about half the meetings, the answer was 'in the moment, but privately.' Which is a useful data point if you're trying to build trust quickly. Luna: So the structure is: send the agenda ahead, give them reflection time, and then during the meeting, let them drive. But what about the power dynamic? The direct report might be nervous too. Lucas: Absolutely. And that's why Sarah's opening line in each meeting was simple: 'This is your time. We can talk about anything — work, career, blockers, even just how you're doing. I'm here to listen.' She also shared a bit about her own transition — admitted she was figuring things out too. That disarms the tension. Luna: Did she take notes during the meeting? I've seen some managers type the whole time and it feels like an interview. Lucas: She took notes on paper, not a laptop. And she told them she was jotting down things to follow up on. That's another signal — you care enough to remember. After each meeting, she sent a brief recap email with two or three action items she committed to. Not 'here's what you need to do,' but 'here's what I'll do based on our conversation.' Luna: That's a great practice. It closes the loop and shows you were listening. So what's the biggest mistake new managers make in that first one-on-one? Lucas: Talking too much. They feel the need to prove they're in charge, so they fill the silence with their own priorities, their own vision, their own feedback. But the first one-on-one is not the place for a big strategic monologue. Your job is to learn, not to lecture. Luna: I've seen that too. There's this pressure to establish authority, but authority actually comes from showing that you care about their success, not from being the loudest voice in the room. Lucas: Exactly. Sarah had a rule for herself: speak no more than thirty percent of the time. She called it the 'three-bullet rule.' She'd jot down three things she wanted to communicate — say, her availability, her philosophy on mistakes, and a small personal preference about how she works — and then she'd say them in under two minutes. The rest was questions and listening. Luna: That's a useful heuristic. But what about the direct report who doesn't open up? You ask the three questions and they give one-word answers. Lucas: That happens, especially if the person is shy or if they're still sizing you up. Sarah's approach was to have a few backup prompts. For example, 'Tell me about a project you're excited about right now' or 'What's something you wish your previous manager had done differently?' The second one is a bit bold, but if you have rapport, it can unlock a lot. Luna: I'd be careful with that one. It can sound like you're fishing for complaints. Lucas: Fair point. You'd need to frame it positively — 'I want to make sure I'm not repeating mistakes you've seen before. Is there anything you'd like me to avoid?' That's less accusatory. Sarah actually used a version of that and got some honest feedback about micromanagement from a previous boss. Luna: Good reframe. So after the first one-on-one, what's the follow-up cadence? Should it be weekly, biweekly? Lucas: For new hires or people in a new role, weekly for the first month is smart. For established team members, every two weeks is standard. But consistency matters more than frequency. If you schedule biweekly and then cancel half of them, you're sending a message that they're not a priority. Luna: And if you do cancel, you should reschedule immediately. I've seen managers let weeks slide and then wonder why engagement drops. Lucas: Right. Sarah committed to never cancelling a one-on-one except for a genuine emergency, and even then she'd reschedule within two days. That consistency built trust fast. By the end of her first quarter, her team had the highest engagement scores in the engineering org. Luna: That's a great outcome. But let's be real — not every first one-on-one goes well. What do you do if it feels awkward or you don't connect? Lucas: Give it time. The first one is always a bit awkward because you're establishing a new relationship. The key is to be genuine and not force it. If you're nervous, you can even say, 'This is a new role for me, and I'm still learning how to be a good manager. I appreciate your patience.' Vulnerability can be disarming. Luna: It can also backfire if you overdo it. You don't want them to feel like they have to manage you. Lucas: True. It's a balance. One or two sentences of honesty about your learning curve, then pivot back to them. 'But enough about me — I really want to hear about your goals for this quarter.' Luna: That's solid. So to sum up your advice for a new manager's first one-on-one: send a clear agenda with reflection questions, let the direct report drive most of the conversation, take notes on paper, follow up with commitments, and speak no more than thirty percent of the time. Lucas: That's the framework. And one more thing — don't forget to ask at the end: 'Is there anything else you'd like to discuss that we haven't covered?' That open-ended question often surfaces the real issue they've been hesitating to bring up. Luna: I've used that. It's amazing what comes out in the last two minutes of a meeting. Lucas: Alright, quick honest thing — a handful of listeners chip in monthly through Buy Me a Coffee dot com slash fexingo, and that's literally what funds making this many episodes. No ads, no sponsors — just listeners who find value and want to keep it going. Luna: Yeah, if this show has helped you navigate a career transition or a tough management moment, that's exactly why we do it. And the support from the community makes it sustainable. Lucas: Right. So if you've ever thought about contributing, that's where to go. Buy Me a Coffee dot com slash fexingo. And now back to the one-on-one — let's talk about what to do in the second meeting, because the first one is just the beginning. Luna: Yes, the follow-up is where you build on that foundation. What's your advice for the second one-on-one? Lucas: The second one should start with a check-in on the action items from the first. Did you follow through on what you promised? That builds credibility. Then you can shift to a slightly deeper question, like 'What's one skill you'd like to develop in the next six months?' Start connecting their personal growth to the team's goals. Luna: And by the third or fourth meeting, you should have enough context to start giving more targeted feedback and coaching. But the first one is all about listening and trust. Lucas: Exactly. Get that right, and everything else becomes easier.