Latest / LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships / #66: Failure to Launch and the Overprotective Parent

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#66: Failure to Launch and the Overprotective Parent · LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever said to yourself, I love my child so much there isn't anything I wouldn't do for them?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Of course you have.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're listening to this podcast because that's exactly who you are.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: But have you ever quietly wondered, did I love them so much that I tried to protect them from getting hurt?
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Did I do too much?
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Did I step in too quickly?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Solve too often?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Rescue when I should have waited?
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: These are not easy questions to ask yourself, but they are important.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: What I'm describing has a name.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's called helicopter parenting.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Now get this.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Researchers define it as developmentally inappropriate over involvement.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's a mouthful.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: It can include solving problems they are capable of solving, intervening in academic, work or personal issues, making decisions for them, or preventing discomfort because it's too hard for you to watch them struggle.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Notice that last part?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Too hard for you.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's the truth.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of overparenting isn't really about the child.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's about the parent's own anxiety, their own need to fix, to comfort, to feel useful.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's completely human, but it does come at a cost.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: When we step in, before our kids have the chance to figure things out, even struggle, we unintentionally affect their resilience, their problem solving abilities, their hardiness, and their self-confidence.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: We limited their growth because we believed we were helping them.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now, before you go off and have a mini guilt trip, I want to tell you that every loving parent has done this at some point in their life.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: The difference is this.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: As some kids get older, they start pushing back.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: They stop wanting your help.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: They might even stop telling you things because it's in their nature to solve things on their own.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: While other kids are not like that.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: They accept your help and over time they become dependent on you to manage their life and fix their problems until you can't.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're going to look at what the research says about helicopter parenting and whether overprotecting our children from discomfort may be linked to young adults who today are struggling to launch.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And please, do me a favor, I do not want you to feel blame or shame for anything you're about to hear.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is about education, inspiration, healing, and change.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody handed you a manual for parenting an adult child before this stage.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you cannot be held responsible for what you did not know.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: But now, now you are capable.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can help them through this period.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is launch.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've ever wondered whether your parenting style contributed to your adult child's dependency, and more importantly, what you can do about it, this episode is for you.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And before you anticipate the worst, let me say this clearly.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: The research shows a correlation, but not a direct cause.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about what the research actually says, and I'll keep it brief.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Studies on overprotective or helicopter parenting have consistently shown a strong link to young adults who are more dependent, less motivated, struggle to solve problems, feel more anxious or depressed, report lower self-confidence, and are unsure about who they are or what direction to take in life.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now that last one, identity, is worth pausing on because it doesn't get talked about enough.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: One of the core developmental tasks of young adulthood is asking these questions.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Who am I?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: What do I believe in?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: What am I capable of?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And you answer those questions by doing things, by trying and sometimes failing, by navigating conflict on your own, by making decisions and living with the outcome.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Every time a parent steps in and removes that experience, that young person misses the opportunity to discover themselves.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Over time, they don't just lack skills like resilience, they lack a sense of self.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: They genuinely don't know who they are because they've never had to find out.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's what the research shows, but what it doesn't support is the idea that overprotective parenting alone causes a failure to launch situation.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost always a combination of factors, such as anxiety disorders, ADHD, clinical depression, learning differences or disabilities, trauma, temperament, economic pressures, social isolation, addiction, and the changing landscape of adulthood.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: So if your adult child is stuck, unmotivated, anxious, avoiding responsibilities, still entirely dependent with no plans for the future, it's not because of just one thing.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: But since you are their parent, you do have influence, not control.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: There are many things you can't control, like the economy or their personality.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: But what you can control is how you respond.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Here are a few simple changes you can begin today.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Redefine what adulthood looks like in your home.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Adulthood means responsibility, contribution, active participation in the household.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: It means carrying their weight and not simply receiving your support.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Start expecting more.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: They're adults, they're capable.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: If you've let things slide for too long, that ends now.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Stop enabling, stop rescuing.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now this is not about punishment, it's about preparation.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because adulthood is practiced where they live.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: So you see, this episode was never about blame.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's about change.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can't rewrite the past, but you can parent differently starting now.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is an opportunity for you to understand your adult child, to strengthen your relationship, and help them to discover themselves, not sit around waiting.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: No, that ship has sailed.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's time for you to step into your role as their guide.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't know how, you can learn.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is Launch.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed this little mini rant, remember to hit the subscribe button so you never miss another.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And please share it with someone who might need to hear it.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And as always, thank you for listening.