Latest / Tribe and Tribulations With Julia Makowsky / No Filter Needed: Honest Conversations About Beauty, Aging, and Authenticity

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No Filter Needed: Honest Conversations About Beauty, Aging, and Authenticity · Tribe and Tribulations With Julia Makowsky

0:03
Welcome back to Tribe and Tribulations.
0:06
I am Julia Makowski and I am so lucky to get to host this podcast with these wonderful
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women today.
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Today we're talking about beauty.
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Now, I know it sounds a little superficial or something that I probably wouldn't tackle,
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But actually beauty is extremely important to females, whether it's internal or external.
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I think that we don't talk about it enough because we are afraid of being judged as being vain or not – or caring too much about what people think.
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So I decided that we are going to ask the questions that I know you both probably get
0:55
asked all the time, but now you will have one place to get all your answers.
1:01
I'm joined today with Leah Begun, who is a RN and now an NP who specializes in beauty
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and injectables and all things gorgeous.
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She runs her own makeup brand and beauty brand, Ebb.
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I'm also joined remotely by Miss Elise Tabin, who is a beauty editor for the last 16 years.
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She has written countless articles.
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She knows all the ins and outs of every beauty product you can think of, and we're so lucky
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to have you here.
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Welcome, guys.
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Thanks for having me.
1:48
Okay.
1:50
I'm going to start with an easy question, if that's okay with both of you.
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When we're talking about beauty, what is something you think of first?
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I mean, I'll just jump in here.
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The first thing I think about is confidence.
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So for me, beauty
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equals confidence, but it's probably not the way that you're thinking.
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It's more when someone is
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confident, they are beautiful.
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So that word can be translated into, does that mean pretty?
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Does
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that mean nice hair, nice lips?
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It's everything.
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It's beautiful on the inside and the outside,
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as corny as that sounds.
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That's what I think about.
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What about you, Elise?
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I agree.
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I definitely think there's internal and external beauty.
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And when somebody, and of course, there's obviously the appearance aspect of it, but when somebody radiates happiness and truly loves themselves and positive self-esteem, that comes across as a beautiful person, regardless of what their appearance might look like.
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Right.
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I think about how a lot of people are so insecure and they can be the hottest person in the room, but they don't come across as the hottest.
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They end up coming across as cold.
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Yes.
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A hundred percent.
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And I think that it shows that really beauty resonates from the inside out.
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Yeah.
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Great.
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Okay.
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When you think of beauty standards today, Elise, what is, I would say, like the gold
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standard of beauty?
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I think it really depends on what somebody's, you know, who you're asking and
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what somebody's value system is.
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For somebody, it might be having perfect skin and not a wrinkle
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or a dark spot on their face.
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For somebody else, it might be just feeling comfortable in their skin
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and feeling good about who they are, loving their body type.
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I think as we evolve as women, the way we look at what beauty is now
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versus how I viewed it 20 years ago is completely different.
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It used to be, I think for me, so much more superficial.
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But as I've grown personally and emotionally,
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I feel like I look at it so differently now and it's more this holistic, all-encompassing picture
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as opposed to just what somebody's face looks like.
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I also think health and wellness plays a
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huge role in this.
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I know you talk about this all the time on your Instagram and your TikToks,
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which I love watching because you focus on all the things.
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And as somebody like me who doesn't
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wear makeup.
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I'm not going to lie to you.
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Like today I'm wearing a little something,
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something, but like I'm a moisturizer girl and a little lip gloss if I'm like feeling
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like feisty.
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Like that's it.
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And as I'm getting into my like mid to late 30s,
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I am finding that, oh, I might need a cream or two, but I don't even know where to start.
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I just, I really have no idea.
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There's so many products on the market.
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There's so many people
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in your ear yelling at you going, okay, you need a retinol and you need this thing and you need a –
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where do I start?
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What's the first product as somebody who is new to all of this?
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Like,
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what's my first product?
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What's mandatory, necessary so that I can still look 35 in 10 years?
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So that question, I want to say I get probably 10 times a week.
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And the thing is, when someone comes in and says, like, this is so overwhelming, it's
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a certain type of patient that I know.
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We just got to start with the basics.
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Because if I start going into this serum, that serum, all of that, they're like, whoa,
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whoa, whoa, that's enough.
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And at the end of the day, simple is the best.
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So every single person is different where they need to start.
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But I do feel that Instagram and TikTok has gotten extremely overwhelming for people that
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are not in the skincare space and that are just like, wait, I just want to look good.
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And that's where a good provider can come in and not sell them the sun, moon, and the
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stars and just be like, start with this cream.
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Come back in three months and then we'll talk.
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Not start with four, five different things because A, we won't know what's working.
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B, let's just go slow because it is extremely overwhelming.
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Even for someone in the skincare space, I ask myself at night, am I doing enough?
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So I definitely think starting slow is number one.
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And you are not alone in that feeling.
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It is definitely all over the internet.
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Okay.
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So Elise, you are the product queen.
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Okay.
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I see all, if you had to pick.
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I have a lot.
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I have a lot.
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If you had to pick your top three most important products.
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Okay.
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that a woman who is maturing a little bit wants to put in their, you know, routine,
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what would you pick?
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So I always tell everybody, same thing.
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Start with the basics.
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Cleanser, moisturizer, sunscreen.
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Those three products you need to have in your routine.
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You can dial them up based off of what your skin type is, what your skin needs,
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what issues you're dealing with at any given time.
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But beyond that, if you want to start in with one active ingredient, I say retinol.
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I think that that is the, it is not, I think it is the gold standard for anti-aging and
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it does so much for your skin.
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So it's going to help with the skin tone.
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It's going to help with the texture.
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It's going to help with collagen production.
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It's going to give it like that really plump, natural look that everybody's chasing without
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having to go to filler.
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and I think that that is also such a tricky thing to figure out because you have over-the-counter,
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you have medical grade, you have prescriptions, different concentrations, there's all these
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different names.
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Do I use a retinol?
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Do I use a tretinoin?
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It's very, very confusing.
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So again,
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you want to start with something basic.
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Definitely reach out to a dermatologist, an esthetician,
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a skincare expert, somebody who can guide you because the last thing you want to do is just
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start piling on something that you saw an influencer post about and then you have a
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really bad experience with it and you're swearing off altogether because a lot of these ingredients
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that you see people promote, retinol, vitamin C, peptides, there's a gamut of them.
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They do work, but you need to know how to use them in your routine and what else to
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pair them with.
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Otherwise, it is like just a recipe for disaster for your skin.
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And I think mentally you're like, what am I doing?
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How do I make this work?
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I don't understand.
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This girl has this type of skin.
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You know, you, the thing also with a lot
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of this skincare that I think people get confused with is when you see somebody on Instagram or
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TikTok and yes, there's filters and there's lighting and there's all these little nuances
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that people aren't necessarily honest about what they're using.
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Um, you know, sometimes you're
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seeing things and somebody has been using a vitamin C, let's say for example, or a retinol
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for maybe 10 years.
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They're not just starting on it today.
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So you have to give your skin time to adjust.
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You have to use the right protocols, the right dosage,
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and know if you're starting on a retinol, for example,
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you can't go straight into it using this seven days a week
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and expect your skin to be like
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the most amazing it's ever looked.
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There's a buildup to it
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and there's different percentages.
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And so that's why it's really important
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that you're getting the right guidance,
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you're using the right products,
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and you have somebody who can help lead you in your skincare journey to get the results that you
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want.
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I think that that's like really exactly what I want to hear kind of, because I have to tell you
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as somebody who doesn't use products, like I'm like, I use soap and water.
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Like don't judge me.
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Don't judge me.
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I just like, I'm not, I've, thank God, listen, I have had cystic acne.
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I've gone to
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every dermatologist.
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I've had injections.
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I've done all this stuff.
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And as I've aged, I was like,
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I think less is more.
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I think like I am tired of putting things on or in my face.
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And it's so funny because I'm on a Botox program, okay?
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I'll be honest.
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But I haven't gotten it in
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like a year and I'm paying for it because look, guys, look, you could see my wrinkles and movement
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because I'm just tired of like putting things there.
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And I want to look good and feel good without having to do too much.
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I will say, like full transparency, Leah did do filler on me this year
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because I was literally skeletal.
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Like I looked hollow.
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And I realized I couldn't look at myself in the mirror.
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And that's kind of the next conversation is that, listen, we see a lot of women on Ozempic, tons, women and men, honestly.
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And people are looking a little scary.
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They're looking like really scary.
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And in order to correct, I don't want people to overcorrect.
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But at the same time, what do you do about that?
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So this is basically my MO.
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I scream it from the rooftops.
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When you are on a GLP-1, you have to understand that you're losing fat, you're losing muscle,
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and your body's just not going to skip your face because that's not what bodies do.
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And facial fat is a wonderful thing, but it does go when you lose weight.
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So I think GLP-1s are a medical miracle, and I think they're amazing.
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but I also think not everything is perfect and this is one of the cons.
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But lucky for everyone, there are injectors, there are things to do.
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Number one, like Elise said, is skincare.
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We must be taking care of that topically and that's where you go to a provider and get
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yourself a proper regimen.
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And number two, when filler is warranted, it needs to be done appropriately in the correct
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spots so that the most minimal amount can be used for the most maximal result.
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So that's basically
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what I tell people.
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And with Julia, we really didn't use a lot.
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We just strategically placed it
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in the areas that she needed filling.
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Her temples were really hollow from losing a lot of weight,
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and she looks amazing.
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But we, you know, we did what we had to do.
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And for some patients,
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Sculptra is better than filler.
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So it's really, and Sculptra is a biostimulator.
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It's not a filler,
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and it fills the face also, but not every patient is a candidate for that.
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Again, when you sit in
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the seat and you have a proper consultation, there are options and that's the beauty of 2026.
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We have
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options, but the ozempic face is a real thing.
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It's not a myth.
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Okay.
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So knowing that actually
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makes me feel like a little validated because we see a lot of people doing a lot of extreme
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things now to get certain type of beauty and certain type of like weight range and all of
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this stuff.
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And when does the beauty standard start being a little too extreme?
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Like how do we
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sort of decide like, oh no, that's enough weight we've lost or that is too many products or how do
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you decide that this is not okay anymore?
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At what point do we go enough is enough?
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I think we're unfortunately kind of there.
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You know, if you see in social media, you see
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celebrities, you see people just constantly chasing, chasing, chasing.
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It's like, it's just
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an era of overconsumption just across the board, I think.
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But I think it really comes down to,
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on an individual basis what can you maintain what's realistic what is your budget and your
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lifestyle allow if you become a slave to chasing every single wrinkle on your face and you are
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sitting in your injectors chair every you know 90 days on the dot like get this one this one this
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one you're going down such a bad path because that's just not healthy um i agree with leila
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like small tweaks can make a huge difference, but you need to do it when you need to do it,
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not because it's 60 days past or, you know, this one, my friend just did this.
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Therefore,
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I need to do that.
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You need to do what works for you, not what everybody else is doing.
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And I think
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when you start doing what everyone else is doing, that's where you end up in that overfilled,
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for example, look where we're trying to get away from that, where everyone was just so over done
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with the huge cheeks and the huge lips and the threads up to here.
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And, you know, so sometimes you see all these trends and you're like,
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in theory, it might be nice to be able to do all of it.
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But in reality, it's just not realistic.
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Yeah, I have that conversation also a lot.
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And that's really why sometimes I tell my patients,
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I don't think I'm the injector for you.
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And I've discharged patients saying, I don't know if this is working anymore.
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because that is not how I see beauty.
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I don't think a filter,
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if you come to me with a filtered photo as an inspo,
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I need to start from scratch with our conversation
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because already I can see we're not on the same wavelength.
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For me, beauty is a little bit of smile lines.
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I don't take away my crow's feet and I'm an injector.
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I like them.
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I think it gives me a look.
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So that's how I approach my job.
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So if someone comes in saying,
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I need my lips to be the size of a house, we're not going to have a proper relationship because
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that's just not how I view things.
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And I'm not judging at all.
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I think that is if that's how
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you feel, that's how you feel.
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However, that's not how I practice.
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And I love introducing things
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slowly.
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I literally you could take like a survey of my patients.
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They come in and they're like,
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I want first time patients.
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I want to do this, this and this.
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I'm like, no, we're doing one
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thing today.
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You will go home.
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You will let it settle.
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And you will come back and call me and
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we can discuss further things.
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We're not doing three things.
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When you are having consultations
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or doing stuff for online consumption, do you feel like people are coming in based on trends
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they see on social media and going like, look, we had the Kylie Jenner lips years ago, right?
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Now it's clean girl aesthetic and wanting to, the more natural look, are we achieving that more natural look or are we just following a trend?
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I don't know if Elise wants to answer this one.
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Elise, you want to take this one?
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I'll answer this.
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I think we're trying to get back to like a more natural look.
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And it's okay if we're still using fillers and toxins and lasers to achieve that.
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there's definitely been a pullback from this overdone appearance.
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And I think as more
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treatments come into the market, you know, now you have regenerative treatments, you have the
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biostimulators that are more popular than ever.
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PRP, PRF, PDGF, exosomes, there's so many, you
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know, fat.
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You just listed a lot of letters and I don't even know what one of them means.
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I'm not
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gonna lie like to our viewers i have no clue either if you want to explain them you may but i
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it's more natural options and more natural options okay i'm like i things that are more natural
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that are not like hyaluronic acid gel based prp and prf use your own blood for example
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so there's things that are more natural in theory and they come with you know still downtime and
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recovery periods and all of that.
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But when you're using your own blood versus a synthetic agent to
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try and correct the signs of aging, you also have less risk for potential side effects and problems,
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which, you know, with all these treatments, no matter what you're doing, that's always
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something you need to be aware of.
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But I think people are starting to pull back from this
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fake plastic overdone look where you look at them and you see a picture of them from five years ago,
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And then you see a picture of them, you know, recently and you're like, this isn't even
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the same person.
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How'd you get here?
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So yeah, definitely.
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I think we're starting to lean more towards natural.
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There's more options to do it.
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And there's still a lot of the same tools in the toolbox, but they're just being used
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differently today.
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Yeah, correct.
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Meaning it's not technically more natural.
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It's just looking more natural.
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I think we just got better.
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I think we just got better at our jobs.
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When something new comes out, it's like, let's just try this, this, and this.
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and then you get those celebrities looking like Maleficent.
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Yeah, it's called Maleficent face.
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But then an injector is like, wait, that doesn't seem right,
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and then switches the whole game, and now we just got better.
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So that's like with any kind of research,
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if you even look at cancer research or any kind of disease research,
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we get better with time.
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Aesthetics is no different.
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It's medicine, and it's getting better with time.
19:40
So all three of us are Jewish but part of different communities.
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And one of the things that's interesting, being in a more closed community, we see trends happening a little later is what I see.
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Like what's acceptable, what's not acceptable, what's standard.
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And I'm finding now that what once was so taboo, okay?
20:10
You see every religious influencer now.
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They're going and getting injectables and they're posting it online and they're talking about that.
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Whereas before, if you even thought about it out loud, like it was like, how dare you?
20:25
Yeah.
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Do you see the trend in each of your communities changing?
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I definitely see a change.
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However, I wish it was not faster.
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I just wish that it was not judged in general.
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I used to the way I used to word my job used to be like skincare and beauty and I would just be
20:50
like um and now I'm like I do injectables I do Botox I do filler I do sculpture and I do skincare
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and I say it point blank because I don't think there's anything to shy away from and I slowly
21:02
but surely feel everyone's coming around but I definitely feel we're a good five to ten years
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behind in terms of comfort.
21:12
What about in your community?
21:15
I think so I'm down in South Florida
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and Boca Raton.
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And that's like the land of Botox and plastic surgery.
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So I feel like down here,
21:24
especially in the Jewish community, it has been prevalent for years since its inception.
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And now it's more of the trickle down effects where it's not just, you know, your grandma
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getting a facelift or doing Botox.
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It's girls as young, and I have a 17 year old daughter and she
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told me the other day that friends of hers are getting lip filler now.
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And so it's really this
21:48
trickle down effect of like my mom, my grandmother did it.
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My mom does it.
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Now I'm starting to do it.
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And I'm seeing girls that are way, I think in my opinion, way too young.
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I don't think at 20 years
22:02
old, you need to be injecting.
22:04
Um, you still have collagen, you still have natural plumpness,
22:07
you still have fat, you don't have wrinkles, unless you're doing it for a medical reason.
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But there's definitely been a wider acceptance of everybody doing it.
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And it's almost like,
22:23
if you don't, people look at you and say, oh, she really needs to go get some Botox.
22:27
That's how open it is where I see it.
22:31
So it's – to me as a therapist, it's very jarring, that comment, because, I mean, we see kids in Sephora now, like, doing full skincare routines and you're seven years old.
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Like, I'm sorry.
22:47
We are all trying to look like you.
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Why are you trying to look like us?
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And I think that that's a systemic problem where I know the beauty industry is an industry.
22:58
People don't realize that a lot of times companies are pushing products on younger kids.
23:05
They're advertising to younger people as we go.
23:10
40-year-olds are having facelifts and doing these things.
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And there's nothing wrong with that.
23:16
Listen, in the Jewish world, growing up, a lot of people I knew got nose jobs.
23:22
And by the way, I am into it.
23:24
Like if something makes you feel better, good.
23:28
I'm glad if there's a teenager whose parents feel or they feel and their doctor feels this would help their self-esteem and will make them feel better.
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And I am all for this.
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But I'm more concerned about the young, young children who are growing up in a world where at six and seven years old, they need a full 10-step skincare routine.
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Are we ruining our children's idea of beauty?
24:01
I think this is where parenting comes into play because we can't control the world.
24:05
We can only control our own home.
24:08
And as a parent with two younger girls, I've had a conversation with them.
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And when we do go into Sephora, it's limited to the lip gloss section because lip glosses are so cool.
24:20
Remember Lip Smacker?
24:21
That's my millennial in me.
24:23
I love Lip Smacker.
24:24
I think makeup is great for young girls.
24:26
It's such a fun way to express yourself.
24:29
Anything with any long word like hyaluronic acid, I told them you are not allowed to look at.
24:34
So they read the ingredients and they're like, that's a long word.
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We're putting it down.
24:38
Like, you have to be a parent.
24:40
We can't control the beauty industry.
24:42
I can't call up Sephora and be like, do not let any child in under the age of blah, blah.
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But, you know, for me, my parenting has a role in this.
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I think there's that aspect in every aspect of life where the parents do need to step in and be parents and be like, that's not okay.
25:00
The problem is when the parents are also insecure and don't feel confident in their parenting and don't feel confident in themselves, a lot of times that takes over.
25:13
And they're like, okay, but everyone else in their class has this.
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And you do feel bad for your kids.
25:19
I'm not going to lie to you.
25:20
It's really hard to say no to children when they're begging you, mom, everyone has the
25:29
X, Y, and Z product.
25:31
We all do, right?
25:32
And my daughter has basically said, she's like, thank God, mom, you didn't let me put
25:37
all that stuff.
25:38
It would have clogged my pores.
25:39
It would have done all this.
25:40
And we're at the stage now.
25:41
She's like entering her teenage years.
25:45
She has to take care of her skin and preserve that youthful look as long as possible.
25:50
And by stripping all of that off, all of that layer, not that I would ask you what you think
25:56
teens should actually be using and like kids should be using, because we want to, we're
26:03
trying to emulate them, not the other way around.
26:05
At least what do you suggest for the girls that are young that want to be included?
26:13
I think it's an important conversation for parents to have with their kids.
26:19
when the whole Sephora tween drunk elephant scandal started.
26:23
My daughter was maybe 13, 14 years old.
26:27
She's 17 now.
26:28
So we had those conversations.
26:31
And because her skin is super dry, she's eczematic,
26:35
I had to tell her a lot of these ingredients you cannot use
26:38
because all we're going to be doing is just going back to the dermatologist.
26:42
So let's cut that out.
26:43
It's not even worth going there.
26:46
and she was pretty compliant with what I was saying to her but I had to explain to her what
26:54
she could use and what was safe to use and there were times when she would say well I saw you know
27:00
Alex Earl posting about this and I want to use that because she does or skincare by Hyram and
27:05
I'm like first of all they're in their 20s you know they've got a good 10 years on you you have
27:11
different skin your skin is not the same as every single person's skin that you're seeing on social
27:16
media.
27:16
So no, let's start with a basic cleanser.
27:20
And yes, you're dry.
27:21
So we can do a basic
27:22
moisturizer.
27:23
I think we were using CeraVe or Cetaphil at the time.
27:25
And I told her when you're
27:27
out in the sun, you're going to the pool, you're going to the beach, sunscreen.
27:31
And that was kind
27:32
of it.
27:33
As she got a little bit older.
27:34
And as you know, she started having some of the hormonal
27:37
changes like breakouts here and there.
27:39
I would say to her, okay, it's time to introduce a salicylic
27:42
acid when we need it.
27:44
But other than that, you don't need the 10 steps because it's not going
27:48
to do anything for you.
27:50
I'd rather you, when your skin needs some help or it needs something,
27:55
to guide you in the right way and figure out what products you need down the road.
28:00
And now that
28:01
she's a junior in high school, the conversations aren't so much about the skincare.
28:07
It's,
28:08
hey can you do my makeup for me because I can't get my eyeliner to look good and I have to show
28:14
her and teach her and explain to her you don't need to pile on like seven layers of black eyeliner
28:21
under your eyes it's not a good look but let's try a light brown 2016 called yeah it wants to
28:28
leave that behind it wants their eyeliner back but we know we don't want to go there and so it's
28:33
just kind of teaching them in a way I think that's easy for them to digest that doesn't seem like
28:39
you're coming at it from an attack mode but rather like don't you want to like you said don't you
28:45
want to look good don't you want to be the one to start the trend don't you want to say oh my god
28:51
your your skin looks so great what are you using oh it's really nothing you know or I'm just using
28:56
sunscreen that's the conversations I've had with her and you know trying to teach her
29:03
be your own person go with what works for you and it's really funny because when it comes to her
29:08
nails she does the same green color it's some dnd color that she loves and she will not stray from
29:16
it and she's like i don't care what somebody else has to say i like this green i wear this dark green
29:21
on my nails and on my toes for the past two years and i'm like good for you that's something that's
29:26
individual to you that you like that makes you feel good you don't have to have the long fake
29:31
nails with the French manicure and the art and all that.
29:33
Like, this is what is good for you.
29:35
You do,
29:36
you do you.
29:37
I love that.
29:37
I actually love that because it also shows she has like a sense of
29:41
self and is, you know, like, but at 17, you grow into that a little more.
29:49
It could go either way,
29:50
obviously.
29:51
But no, I see it even as we get older, there are a lot of people who don't feel confident
30:00
in themselves.
30:01
And there is a lot of chasing beauty in a way that's unhealthy.
30:08
And I'm also
30:11
kind of wondering, are we setting beauty standards in the religious community very differently than
30:19
in the secular world?
30:21
Because in our world, at least in the modern orthodox and more to the
30:28
right world, getting married in the matchmaking universe really is how we do things.
30:34
And
30:37
the first question, whether we admit it or not, is what does she look like?
30:42
Send me a picture,
30:43
full body, the whole thing.
30:46
And do you think that we are putting a lot of pressure on women
30:55
to carry themselves in a certain way
30:57
and to look a certain way?
31:00
I think this might not be a popular opinion.
31:03
I think that pressure has been there
31:05
since the beginning of time.
31:07
I don't think this is a new thing.
31:09
I think women have constantly been under pressure
31:12
and will always be under pressure.
31:15
We are an amazing, I mean, I sound like,
31:21
it's good, but we are an amazing group.
31:24
Thank you.
31:56
our gender is we can do everything right we are so cool which is why we're under this microscope
32:03
that oh you're a ceo of a company you also must look like a barbie doll oh you're a mom of four
32:09
kids you also must be at the gym every morning it's like if you can do that you can do everything
32:15
and that pressure is always going to be there but i think as a woman in this world we have to
32:22
see the pressure, notice it, and then just do what works for our home, for our mental health.
32:29
If I can have four kids and go to nurse practitioner school and graduate and still
32:33
be a good wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, that works for me.
32:38
If I cannot go to the gym
32:40
because I'm screaming at my kids, something is off here.
32:44
If I'm screaming at them, I'm not going
32:46
to make it to Pilates because you didn't make your lunch fast enough.
32:49
Something is wrong.
32:50
so that's where I think that pressure that you were talking about comes in and when it comes to
32:56
beauty in the religious community I do think it's always going to be there but it is up to the to us
33:02
to stand up for ourselves if I was a single girl and the first question somebody asked me was what
33:07
do you look like like as a matchmaker and you didn't ask me what am I looking for or what is
33:12
my personality like or what that's already a red flag so I would say I would probably say something
33:18
like, hey, so I'm a 21-year-old energetic girl, blah, blah, blah.
33:23
Like I would try and avoid what they just asked without being judgmental to try and
33:28
change the trajectory.
33:30
At least you find that in the more secular world, like in the swipe up culture or the
33:36
left, right.
33:39
It's been a long time since I dated and we didn't have apps when I was in the world.
33:44
And do you feel like we are leading with our physical rather than our emotional and spiritual
33:51
side?
33:53
I think so.
33:55
I completely agree with everything that Layla said.
33:58
Like, you kind of took all the words out of my mouth.
34:01
Sorry.
34:02
No, it's great because we're aligned with the same thought.
34:04
We're aligned.
34:05
We're aligned.
34:06
It's always been there.
34:08
The pressure has always been there.
34:09
Appearance has always been there.
34:10
I mean, you look at history and the history of beauty and how it's just evolved, but it's
34:15
always been there.
34:16
Women have had standards of what they had to look like back in 1700s in order to get
34:22
married.
34:22
And it's no different in 2026.
34:25
It's just the definitions of what does she look like they've changed.
34:30
Instead of, you know, maybe being a certain weight and having certain features, now it's,
34:38
well, are her breasts real?
34:40
or they fake.
34:40
I want somebody who has real ones or fake or whatever somebody's, you know,
34:44
preference is.
34:45
But I think that that has always been there.
34:48
And I think that, I mean, I'm,
34:50
I'm divorced and remarried.
34:52
So this is my second marriage.
34:54
And when I got remarried,
34:56
my husband's so handsome and I love him to death, but I was like, I'm not thinking about just the
35:01
physical appearance.
35:03
I'm thinking about how am I going to make a life happen with somebody where
35:08
I'm going to be fulfilled and happy because I wasn't the first time around.
35:11
And I don't want to repeat those mistakes.
35:12
So when I started dating, this was, gosh, 15 years ago, I wasn't looking at it so much
35:21
as what does he look like?
35:22
I mean, there has to be some level of attraction.
35:25
But for me, it was more about filling that need of finding somebody who was going to
35:33
be my best friend and true love.
35:35
And I feel that unfortunately, especially where I am, there's a lot, a lot, a lot of
35:41
DeForest days out there and they're looking at what does he look like?
35:46
What is his bank account like?
35:48
Uh-huh.
35:48
Vice versa.
35:50
Rather than I want to be with somebody who really genuinely makes me happy and that I
35:53
can build a life with.
35:54
Because if you're 50 years old and you're trying to start over, unfortunately, and I'm
36:01
just telling it like it is, a lot of people are thinking about the financial aspect and the
36:07
physical aspect versus the emotional and the mental aspect, which I think should be the opposite,
36:12
especially when you consider what you've come out of and how that has shaped you and framed you as
36:17
a person.
36:19
Well, it tends to lead.
36:20
That's my take on it.
36:21
It tends to lead to more divorce,
36:24
if I'm telling you the truth because when you are leading with money and looks, that can fade.
36:35
Oh, yeah.
36:35
Don't disappear.
36:36
Right.
36:37
But also you would hope people would mature, but we know that there's always somebody
36:42
younger and hotter coming up right behind you.
36:45
So you have to find your person or your people
36:50
in order to connect.
36:52
And that's friendship.
36:53
That's romantic relationships.
36:55
Any type of those things.
36:56
If you're only surrounding yourself with people who are obsessed with the way they look and
37:02
finances, you are going to live a very empty life.
37:04
Oh, yeah.
37:05
A very empty life.
37:06
And that kind of brings me to this idea where, you know, women are constantly judging themselves.
37:20
And unfortunately, we think that everyone is judging us also, right?
37:26
Where I'm too skinny, I'm too fat, I'm too this, I'm too that.
37:29
And for the most part, most people are not looking at somebody else and judging them,
37:35
but we are judging ourselves so harshly.
37:39
And I really feel like we don't focus enough on building ourselves up from the inside out.
37:55
I think there's been more focus on that in recent years within like the religious world and like we are trying our best to do that.
38:07
There was like in the secular world, the body positivity movement.
38:10
And listen, I was 250 pounds a few years ago and I honestly – I got to tell you the truth.
38:17
I was more confident at 250 pounds than I am now at – I don't even want to say my weight now.
38:22
Like I am so much more uncomfortable in my own skin because there's less – people are looking at me more.
38:32
And I really feel like even though I'm healthier than I ever have been, not because of my weight, but because I've got my medications in check.
38:42
I mentally am on the right path.
38:45
I am in my late 30s.
38:46
I know who I am, what I want.
38:50
But there's still the voice in the back of my head going, are they looking at me and
38:55
judging me based on how I look or what I'm doing?
38:59
And I think that people need to admit that we are all so insecure and hard on ourselves.
39:07
And the more women are open with that part of this dynamic, I truly believe that they
39:16
will be in a better place and will come off as so much hotter.
39:21
Like the goal is to look and feel amazing for the rest of our lives.
39:26
And I really do think that that starts with the inner work.
39:29
So what's – even though we are focused on the external on this podcast today, what is
39:36
one thing that you think is so hot in a woman from the inside?
39:45
well like you said before just i think when i see someone unapologetically loving themselves
39:54
i am immediately attracted to that person in a way that i can't explain like i was on a passover
40:02
program and there was an older woman there was a concert one night and there was an older woman
40:08
who got up and went in a corner and was dancing alone.
40:13
I'd love that, but I wish she was dancing in the front.
40:15
She was, well, it was like the way it was set up,
40:17
that was the only space to dance.
40:19
And she was going at it, like hands flailing.
40:22
And one of my kids said to me like,
40:24
oh my God, like look at her, she's being so weird.
40:28
And I was like, weird?
40:30
She's loving the music.
40:32
She is internalizing it and taking this opportunity.
40:35
She's not asking people to dance with her.
40:37
She's not making a scene.
40:38
She's literally just living her best life.
40:40
Do I have that confidence?
40:41
A hundred percent.
40:41
No, I cannot stand in a corner and dance myself, but watching it was so beautiful.
40:47
So talking about the word beautiful and I, and I explained that to my kids.
40:51
And after that, like I did see one of my daughters shift in her mindset.
40:55
She, she heard me, she heard me and it was like a good feeling.
40:59
So I thought that was super attractive.
41:01
What about you, Elise?
41:04
Oh gosh.
41:07
I think when I see a woman who is able to speak her mind freely, but from a place of not being negative, not being selfish, not being rash or harmful, but able to actually tell somebody or herself the honest truth.
41:35
I think that is like the one thing that is just unbelievable because so many of us, like you said, we're all insecure.
41:42
We're thinking everyone's judging us.
41:45
But to be able to say how you feel and act on it and be like, I don't really care.
41:51
This is me.
41:53
Take it or leave it.
41:55
Like that to me is the biggest confidence booster.
42:00
I'm not 100% there yet.
42:02
I feel like I've definitely grown a lot only from personal experiences and having to put
42:06
your foot down and say, uh-uh, no, no more.
42:09
And when you're able to do that, you're able to carry yourself in a different way.
42:13
You feel better about yourself.
42:15
And when you look in the mirror, rather than scrutinizing every little thing about your
42:20
face and your body, you're like, it's okay.
42:23
I'm 47.
42:24
I have some cellulite.
42:25
It's life.
42:26
Next, move on.
42:27
A hundred percent.
42:29
A hundred percent.
42:30
And I, you know, because I have, we all have daughters here.
42:34
Yeah.
42:36
And even sons.
42:37
Like there's this like.
42:38
Oh, yeah.
42:38
It goes into the boys.
42:39
Listen, there's standards of like muscle mass and all of these things that like you want.
42:44
Yeah.
42:44
As they want as well.
42:45
So I also think that we have to emulate what we want our kids to feel like.
42:52
We are, oh, I want her to look in the mirror and go, yes.
42:56
And I think that I've been really trying to do that, especially online, is even if I'm having a bad day and I don't feel like my best self, I am going to push through it.
43:05
And, okay, maybe there's a little fake it till you make it, but I am so much more aligned with who I want to be now than I ever was.
43:14
Yeah.
43:14
Because emotionally I'm there.
43:17
And I find that to be like, oh, yeah, I'm beautiful.
43:21
Not because I'm skinnier or not because I have things done to my face.
43:26
I'm beautiful because I feel confident in who I know I should be.
43:32
I want to just like end with a quick, you know, hot takes.
43:37
I want you guys to say like yes, no.
43:40
Go for it.
43:40
Give me your fast opinions, okay?
43:45
Most overrated beauty trend, Elise?
43:49
I hate the at home – I'm trying to think.
43:54
The LED masks.
43:55
The red light therapy?
43:56
No, no, no, no, no, no.
43:57
The at-home microneedling pens.
43:59
Oh, my God.
44:00
Oh, my God, please.
44:01
Oh, that's so scary.
44:01
Like, do not buy one from Amazon and microneedle yourself.
44:04
Or T-Mule.
44:06
Oh, yeah, T-Mule.
44:07
I just had this conversation yesterday that I was microneedling someone.
44:11
Terrible, terrible idea, guys.
44:12
Terrible, terrible.
44:13
At home, do not microneedle yourself.
44:15
Dangerous.
44:16
What's one thing people should stop doing to their face?
44:21
Oh, my goodness.
44:22
Panning.
44:23
Please don't come at me, guys.
44:24
I'm wearing cream self-tanner.
44:27
Please stop tanning.
44:28
And I have really good friends that may block me from that.
44:32
But it's one of the worst things because you come to me, we do your beautiful skin care,
44:37
and then you go to Florida and you bake.
44:40
Bake.
44:40
I know, but I'm so guilty of it because I really love the sun.
44:43
You could do a little bit with SPF, a little bit.
44:46
But like coming back to me with peeling red splotchy skin, I just, I know it feels so beautiful.
44:53
I'm literally a product of it
44:55
it's my drug it's literally my drug
44:58
oh okay but that's what I would say
45:00
one thing that's actually worth the money
45:02
Elise
45:04
um good skin care
45:06
okay I know it can be expensive
45:07
but it does
45:09
mine is Botox
45:11
yeah I agree on that
45:11
Botox is forever like diamonds are forever
45:14
Botox is forever
45:16
okay the most natural looking
45:19
work that you can get done
45:22
every person is different
45:23
because if one girl comes in asking for a tiny bit of lip filler and she has no upper lip,
45:29
you wouldn't even know she had lip filler.
45:31
But then another girl with massive lips asking me
45:33
for lip filler is going to look like a duck.
45:35
So literally every single person is different.
45:37
Okay.
45:38
Biggest beauty myth, Elise.
45:41
That's a good one.
45:42
That sunscreen is bad for you.
45:44
I mean, can we just put this one to bed once and for all?
45:47
it is not bad for you.
45:51
It's the best thing since sliced bread and retinol.
45:55
I wear it even if I'm not leaving the house.
45:57
Like everyone in my family knows that I am
46:00
a sunscreen fanatic every single day of my life without fail.
46:06
themes okay is there a difference between self-care and working on oneself in the beauty world
46:19
oh that's interesting um you could just say yes or no you don't have to go into it i'm trying to
46:26
think if it's a yes or no honestly i really think they're intertwined because doing beauty work is
46:31
self-care mentally and physically.
46:36
I have a hard time with self-care, I'm not going to lie to you,
46:38
because I don't think self-care is going to get your manicure.
46:43
I think self-care is inner work
46:45
and taking time to fix your head kind of thing.
46:50
Yeah.
46:51
Take that moment.
46:52
But I will say this,
46:54
that manicure could be self-care if you're taking that time during those moments of quiet or
47:02
you're working on yourself.
47:05
So I have like a mixed emotion on that one.
47:08
Well, manicures are like an errand at this point because they're so crazy in the salons,
47:12
like maybe a massage.
47:14
But manicures are –
47:14
Oh, so I don't do any of that because I just don't have the patience to sit still.
47:18
I know.
47:18
I told you soap and water for my face.
47:20
But that wouldn't be your self-care.
47:22
No.
47:22
Right.
47:22
That would be an errand.
47:23
A walk would be a self-care for me.
47:25
I love it more than anything being outside.
47:27
We all have different definitions of what self-care really is.
47:29
Exactly.
47:29
Okay, guys.
47:32
I really appreciate your time.
47:34
I hope everybody enjoyed this episode and really
47:39
learned something new, but also can look a little inward and realize that beauty really is
47:47
from within.
47:48
We say it.
47:49
I know it sounds cringy.
47:50
I know it's like so classic, but if you are ugly
47:55
on the inside, no amount of filler, Botox or skincare is going to fix that.
48:00
So have a good day.