Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 388. Finding peace in tough decisions & how to move forward with confidence - Head Noise

Transcript

388. Finding peace in tough decisions & how to move forward with confidence - Head Noise · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:12
Speaker 1: Hello, everyone, I'm Alexis Fernandez.
0:14
Speaker 2: This is Do your Fucking Mind, and welcome to today's episode,
0:18
Speaker 2: which is all about life advice.
0:22
Speaker 1: I'm going to answer your questions.
0:24
Speaker 2: They are it's a whole range of different questions, but
0:27
Speaker 2: a lot of them are kind of they're really like
0:30
Speaker 2: life crisis kind of moments where it's like, if I
0:33
Speaker 2: make this decision, then it means me shutting the door
0:36
Speaker 2: to all these other things, but if I do this
0:38
Speaker 2: other thing, that it means I can't have this opportunity.
0:41
Speaker 2: So it's really like these existential kind of questions. So
0:44
Speaker 2: I think, even if I'm not addressing your exact scenario,
0:48
Speaker 2: I hope that some of the advice that I can
0:50
Speaker 2: give with these questions can help you come up with
0:53
Speaker 2: a decision for whatever conundrum you currently have going on
0:56
Speaker 2: in your life. Because one thing that I'm probably going
0:58
Speaker 2: to reiterate a lot in this podcast episode is that
1:03
Speaker 2: you I believe that you can have it all, but
1:06
Speaker 2: I don't think you can have it all at the
1:08
Speaker 2: same time. And I think that if we can come
1:11
Speaker 2: to terms with that concept, then it becomes a lot
1:15
Speaker 2: easier to navigate through different seasons of your life not
1:19
Speaker 2: thinking that everything has to happen at the same time,
1:21
Speaker 2: not thinking that everything has to be available for you
1:24
Speaker 2: at the same time. Okay, there's going to be certain
1:26
Speaker 2: seasons where something's really popping off and something's not. And
1:29
Speaker 2: I also want you to look at your life as
1:31
Speaker 2: kind of like a plate with different kind of section,
1:35
Speaker 2: or like a pizza almost with different slices, and each
1:37
Speaker 2: slice represents a different area of your life. One's going
1:40
Speaker 2: to be career, one's relationships, one's health, mental and physical,
1:44
Speaker 2: one is you know, hobby is one's you know, your
1:47
Speaker 2: spiritual wellness. There's all these different facets on that pizza,
1:53
Speaker 2: but the slices are rarely ever going to.
1:55
Speaker 1: Be even evenly sized.
1:57
Speaker 2: Okay, there's going to be times where you have to
1:59
Speaker 2: pour in so much much into one area of your
2:01
Speaker 2: life and other areas of your life are going to
2:02
Speaker 2: suffer a little bit. But the reason you're pouring so
2:05
Speaker 2: much in is because it's an investment. And then there's
2:07
Speaker 2: going to be times where you are, you know, feeling
2:10
Speaker 2: like a little bit balanced, and then that balance gets
2:12
Speaker 2: thrown off again. And I want you to realize that
2:14
Speaker 2: that is life, and that is life for most people. Okay,
2:18
Speaker 2: there are some people that probably feel balanced all the time,
2:20
Speaker 2: but I would go so far as to say that
2:22
Speaker 2: that's pretty fucking rare. So when you look at people
2:25
Speaker 2: that seem to have it all together, I can guarantee
2:28
Speaker 2: you if not right now, there's been many times in
2:31
Speaker 2: their life where they've had to sacrifice something in order
2:34
Speaker 2: to gain later on in life. And you know, these
2:36
Speaker 2: difficult moments will come, but they're also going.
2:39
Speaker 1: To go as well. All right, So let's just get
2:42
Speaker 1: straight into it.
2:42
Speaker 2: There's a bunch of I'll start with some shorter ones first.
2:46
Speaker 2: There's one really funny one that I thought i'd just
2:48
Speaker 2: answer because it's just brilliant, and then we'll go into
2:51
Speaker 2: the other ones.
2:52
Speaker 1: So the first one is why a teenage is so feral?
2:57
Speaker 2: Like high school kids are nasty, af and so unhinged loll,
3:03
Speaker 2: But once everyone is out of high school, they just
3:05
Speaker 2: snap out of it.
3:06
Speaker 1: So I'm not sure if this is a parent writing this.
3:09
Speaker 2: Or if this is someone who is just out of
3:11
Speaker 2: high school experiencing this writing this, but I'm going to
3:14
Speaker 2: give you a way to look at it as to
3:17
Speaker 2: why teenagers are so feral quote unquote feral and why
3:20
Speaker 2: people snap out of it when they're out of high school.
3:23
Speaker 2: When you are in high school, especially as a teenager,
3:27
Speaker 2: it's kind of like a pressure cookut situation. Not only
3:31
Speaker 2: are you in an environment where you have to go
3:33
Speaker 2: every single day with a select population of people that
3:36
Speaker 2: you have to hang around with every single day, so
3:38
Speaker 2: there's not that much freedom around who it is that
3:40
Speaker 2: you're hanging out with.
3:41
Speaker 1: It's kind of if you don't really have a choice.
3:43
Speaker 2: You are also going through a massive transitional phase as
3:46
Speaker 2: far as your brain circuitry is concerned. When you look
3:50
Speaker 2: at how teenagers deal with conflict or turmoil, or family
3:54
Speaker 2: is breaking up, or anything that represents uncertainty in their lives,
3:58
Speaker 2: they are going to deal with it probably in a
4:00
Speaker 2: much harder, harsher way than an adult whose brain is
4:05
Speaker 2: fully fully, fully developed. And the reason for that is
4:07
Speaker 2: that we go through another massive phase of neuronal or
4:12
Speaker 2: synaptic like expansion and growth where there's all these signupses,
4:16
Speaker 2: but then also another big phase of.
4:18
Speaker 1: Pruning as well.
4:20
Speaker 2: And I've spoken about neural pruning, and that is basically
4:23
Speaker 2: where your brain kind of does a bit of a
4:24
Speaker 2: sweep and decides, okay, these sections of the brain are
4:27
Speaker 2: not being used we're gonna get rid of them, so
4:29
Speaker 2: we can you know, be a bit more like we
4:30
Speaker 2: can free up a bit of the energy in the
4:32
Speaker 2: brain to put the energy to where it's actually needed. Now,
4:35
Speaker 2: you're always going to go through pruning your entire life.
4:38
Speaker 2: Your brain is pruning and growing constantly. But you get
4:40
Speaker 2: these two massive waves, one in teenage wood and one
4:42
Speaker 2: when you're younger. So, because there's so many changes going
4:45
Speaker 2: on in the brain plus all this like you're evolving,
4:50
Speaker 2: you're getting like your hormonal change is also kicking in.
4:52
Speaker 2: You have to understand that someone's emotional maturity level is
4:57
Speaker 2: just not going to be the same as an adult
4:59
Speaker 2: versus when they're a teenage.
5:00
Speaker 1: It's just not you know.
5:01
Speaker 2: Also, teenagers, you know, they need way more sleep than adults.
5:05
Speaker 2: They need you know, more processing time for things.
5:07
Speaker 1: They're going to be much bigger risk takers.
5:09
Speaker 2: That's also ingrained in human beings to be a risks
5:13
Speaker 2: taker when you're young, especially as a teenager, and that's
5:16
Speaker 2: kind of that's a survival for the species kind of thing.
5:22
Speaker 2: The reason we are primed in general, not everyone, but
5:25
Speaker 2: in general to take more risks when we're younger is
5:28
Speaker 2: because we are healthy we're fit, we've got less to lose,
5:31
Speaker 2: we don't have major responsibilities. So this is the time
5:34
Speaker 2: where people are going to be maybe more of a
5:36
Speaker 2: dare devil on their skateboard, or they're going to physically
5:39
Speaker 2: do more daring things.
5:40
Speaker 1: They're going to just jump off a cliff. They're going
5:41
Speaker 1: to do all these crazy things.
5:44
Speaker 2: They're going to you know, oh, I'm just going to
5:46
Speaker 2: get up and go and move to another country.
5:48
Speaker 1: Fact, I don't really care.
5:48
Speaker 2: They're not like, they're primed to not actually think about
5:51
Speaker 2: the consequences of their actions. And that is on purpose,
5:54
Speaker 2: because if you look at it from like a primitive thing,
5:56
Speaker 2: it's to spread the population far and white.
5:59
Speaker 1: It's to get you exploring.
6:00
Speaker 2: It's to get you going out there, so you're not
6:02
Speaker 2: in this central hub and the entire population is just
6:04
Speaker 2: in one section. Okay, so we're primed to do that.
6:07
Speaker 2: So again, you've got this, you know, spontaneity. You've got
6:10
Speaker 2: this crazy brain changes, You've got the hormonal changes. You've
6:13
Speaker 2: got the fact that your brain's not fully developed. Your
6:15
Speaker 2: prefrontal cortex is not fully developed. You can't see around
6:17
Speaker 2: corners the way an adult does. So you can imagine
6:19
Speaker 2: how that impacts someone's behavior socially, and on top of that,
6:22
Speaker 2: you're in.
6:22
Speaker 1: A pressure cooker of high school. The reason I think
6:26
Speaker 1: that people snap out of it out of high.
6:28
Speaker 2: School relatively quickly is because you get thrust into way
6:33
Speaker 2: more of a real world's scenario where there are much
6:35
Speaker 2: more significant consequences to your actions outside of high school
6:39
Speaker 2: versus inside of high school. Someone can go from being
6:42
Speaker 2: like the queen Bee in high school where they get
6:45
Speaker 2: everything they want and everyone respects them for basically just
6:48
Speaker 2: being hot, to then being out in the real world
6:51
Speaker 2: and realizing that that treatment's not the same.
6:53
Speaker 1: It's not the same.
6:54
Speaker 2: People don't really care about that kind of stuff, and
6:57
Speaker 2: you kind of need to be a certain way in
6:58
Speaker 2: order to get a certain kind of response from the
7:01
Speaker 2: general public. So people start to realize, this isn't working
7:04
Speaker 2: for me anymore. I need to change it up so
7:06
Speaker 2: I can still get what I need to get from
7:09
Speaker 2: the people around me. Okay, and for most people, or
7:11
Speaker 2: for a lot of people, some people are stuck in
7:13
Speaker 2: their ways forever and they never learned and their heyday
7:15
Speaker 2: was their high school days. But in general, for a
7:17
Speaker 2: lot of people, they are able to be like, oh,
7:19
Speaker 2: this is not working going to divert They're nicer, they're
7:21
Speaker 2: probably more patient, they probably have more time for people.
7:24
Speaker 2: They have to make friends, so it means that they
7:27
Speaker 2: have to actually put in the effort with other people
7:30
Speaker 2: when maybe they didn't. So this feral nature starts to
7:34
Speaker 2: fade off pretty quickly for some individuals because they start
7:38
Speaker 2: to realize it's not the same in the real world.
7:41
Speaker 2: In high school, I've kind of served things on a platter,
7:43
Speaker 2: whether I like it or not, as far as like
7:45
Speaker 2: people I'm hanging out with in friendship groups. For some people,
7:47
Speaker 2: that's awful. For some people, it works really well for them,
7:49
Speaker 2: and therefore their behaviors are you know, a consequence of that.
7:53
Speaker 1: So that is my theory. Okay, I don't know if
7:56
Speaker 1: you could can't.
7:57
Speaker 2: That's my I don't know if a theory is the
7:59
Speaker 2: right word, but that's my belief around why teenagers are
8:02
Speaker 2: so far along, why I can switch relatively quickly when
8:04
Speaker 2: they get out of high school. Like when I was
8:06
Speaker 2: in high school, there were people that you know, were
8:10
Speaker 2: legitimate bullies to people in a different group, and then
8:13
Speaker 2: a few years later, those same people together, the bully
8:17
Speaker 2: and the person that they would normally not hardcore bully,
8:19
Speaker 2: but like teas or whatever, would be doing the same
8:22
Speaker 2: degree and they would be friends. They would be actually
8:25
Speaker 2: hanging out because they're kind of like, Wow, I realized
8:27
Speaker 2: that I couldn't carry on like a fucking pork chop
8:30
Speaker 2: in the real world, bullying people for no good reason.
8:33
Speaker 2: I had to snap out of it. I had to apologize.
8:35
Speaker 2: I had to actually make friends in the real world.
8:37
Speaker 2: Because they were realizing that the person that they used
8:39
Speaker 2: to bully had no issues making friends in the real
8:41
Speaker 2: world because they had had it tough, and so they
8:44
Speaker 2: learned how to kind of, you know, be more resilient
8:46
Speaker 2: when it comes to that kind of shit. And then
8:49
Speaker 2: they go to UNI, they get into the real world,
8:51
Speaker 2: the person who's normally being bullied has no problems making friends,
8:54
Speaker 2: and the person that was bullying is like, I need
8:56
Speaker 2: to fucking change my tune, you know. So then they
8:59
Speaker 2: were you know, remart for their building, apologize, and then
9:01
Speaker 2: they're actually making friends with people that they probably normally
9:03
Speaker 2: wouldn't had been wouldn't have been friends with in high school. Okay,
9:07
Speaker 2: let's go into the next question. The next one is love, love,
9:11
Speaker 2: love love your podcasts.
9:13
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. So my question is.
9:15
Speaker 2: Regarding the absolute blues when I get home from a trip.
9:18
Speaker 2: I love traveling, It's my passion, but every single time,
9:22
Speaker 2: without a doubt, I feel like shit.
9:24
Speaker 1: When I get back home.
9:25
Speaker 2: When I travel, I feel alive and happier than ever,
9:28
Speaker 2: and when I get back, I'm struggling to find happiness
9:30
Speaker 2: in the things I otherwise love.
9:32
Speaker 1: Do you have any tips or tricks to deal with this?
9:34
Speaker 2: So I recently did a podcast interview where I spoke
9:38
Speaker 2: about something similar along those lines that I used to
9:42
Speaker 2: go through when I would travel and when you travel,
9:45
Speaker 2: or for me at least when I travel, not only
9:47
Speaker 2: is it it's fun, it's you know, it's an adventure,
9:50
Speaker 2: it's exciting, but it's also extremely eye opening. And you
9:54
Speaker 2: go from you know, living your everyday life the same way,
9:57
Speaker 2: even if it's a great life, but you're living this
9:59
Speaker 2: every day life to this crazy learning experience. You're seeing
10:03
Speaker 2: other people live how they live.
10:05
Speaker 1: It's an eye opener.
10:05
Speaker 2: Basically, you know, you become exposed to all these things
10:11
Speaker 2: that you're normally not exposed to.
10:12
Speaker 1: It's this like worldly view, if you want to call it.
10:16
Speaker 2: And for me, every time I would travel, it just
10:19
Speaker 2: expands my mind like crazy. And I was saying in
10:23
Speaker 2: this podcast, the actual reason why I ended up like
10:28
Speaker 2: putting my head down and signing up for my master's
10:31
Speaker 2: degree was because I was I had to wait for
10:33
Speaker 2: like seven hours in an airport in Panama on my
10:37
Speaker 2: way home to Australia after this big trip through Central America,
10:40
Speaker 2: and I was like, I feel like I've just had
10:44
Speaker 2: this crazy life experience. I don't want to go back
10:46
Speaker 2: to my norm. I liked my norm, but I felt
10:49
Speaker 2: like I'd almost be taking a step backwards because I've
10:51
Speaker 2: just had these all these experiences so much fun. So
10:54
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, what can I do to expand
10:55
Speaker 2: what can I do? And there I am at this
10:57
Speaker 2: airport in Panama basically google degrees in neuroscience or like
11:01
Speaker 2: further education in neuroscience, and then I found the degree
11:04
Speaker 2: and that's the one that I ultimately applied for. So
11:08
Speaker 2: what I'm saying to you is I feel like that's
11:10
Speaker 2: quite not for everyone. I think for a lot of people,
11:13
Speaker 2: that is quite a common experience to kind of feel
11:16
Speaker 2: like I've just had this crazy new view of the world,
11:19
Speaker 2: new experience and now I'm going back home to my normality?
11:22
Speaker 1: How do you get around it? Okay?
11:24
Speaker 2: So for me, most times that I come back, I think, Okay,
11:28
Speaker 2: what am I going to change about what I'm doing?
11:31
Speaker 2: Can I add something new? Can I bring something that
11:34
Speaker 2: I've learned from travel and put it into my current life?
11:37
Speaker 1: Do I need to shake things up? It's also an
11:39
Speaker 1: opportunity to.
11:40
Speaker 2: Do a quick little inventory of like why do I
11:43
Speaker 2: feel this way? Is there something about my life that
11:46
Speaker 2: I am not really happy about? Because one thing that
11:49
Speaker 2: I realized I was traveling once not that long ago
11:52
Speaker 2: with some friends, and I remember saying to Tyrone, I'm like, wow,
11:55
Speaker 2: I feel really lucky because I'm at the point in
11:57
Speaker 2: my life where even though I'm really sad that this
11:59
Speaker 2: holiday's over, I can't wait to get back to my
12:01
Speaker 2: normal life.
12:01
Speaker 1: I never used to feel that way. I used to
12:03
Speaker 1: dread coming home.
12:04
Speaker 2: Not that I always loved my life, but I was
12:07
Speaker 2: not satisfied with my life. There were things that I
12:10
Speaker 2: wasn't really happy with. My career wasn't where I wanted
12:13
Speaker 2: it to be, so coming home represented it's like, oh,
12:16
Speaker 2: coming back to this kind of dissatisfaction, Whereas now I'm
12:20
Speaker 2: able to come home still feel nostalgic about the holidays,
12:23
Speaker 2: but be pumped to get back into it. And one
12:25
Speaker 2: of the friends that we were traveling with was like,
12:27
Speaker 2: can't relate. I am dreading going back home. Like I
12:30
Speaker 2: just don't want to go back home. I feel like
12:31
Speaker 2: there's a lull in my career. I like what I do,
12:34
Speaker 2: but I just feel like I'm stagnated in my life
12:37
Speaker 2: right now. So coming home represents me facing the stagnation.
12:42
Speaker 2: So I guess what you might be experiencing is this
12:44
Speaker 2: kind of stagnation. So my advice to you is what
12:48
Speaker 2: can you do right now to change things up? And
12:50
Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be major things in your career,
12:52
Speaker 2: but what can you do that's going to represent change
12:55
Speaker 2: so you can be excited about coming home. Is it
12:58
Speaker 2: something new that you can begin. Is it a different
13:00
Speaker 2: routine that you can set into place. Is it a
13:02
Speaker 2: new challenge that you can begin so you can get
13:04
Speaker 2: excited about.
13:05
Speaker 1: The personal growth that you're going to go through.
13:07
Speaker 2: Is it I want to start, you know, like learning
13:09
Speaker 2: this thing on the side, or is it maybe this
13:12
Speaker 2: is a wake up call for me to actually make
13:13
Speaker 2: that change in my career. Okay, maybe I do finally
13:16
Speaker 2: need to quit that job that I've been banging on
13:18
Speaker 2: about quitting, but I just haven't found anything, you know,
13:21
Speaker 2: different enough that I want to do. Okay, But in
13:24
Speaker 2: a nutshell, I feel like this represents that there's something
13:27
Speaker 2: in your life that you are not satisfied with, and
13:30
Speaker 2: it gives you an opportunity to do something about it.
13:34
Speaker 2: Instead of thinking how do I avoid this feeling, I
13:37
Speaker 2: want you to ask yourself, why is this feeling coming up?
13:41
Speaker 1: Okay?
13:41
Speaker 2: Because sometimes we just get into this pattern of feeling
13:44
Speaker 2: a certain way, a certain negative way, and then we think, Okay,
13:46
Speaker 2: I'm not being grateful or maybe I'm not looking at it,
13:48
Speaker 2: which is fine, but sometimes these feelings are there for
13:51
Speaker 2: a reason, and they're there because you're not satisfied or
13:54
Speaker 2: you know, you know you're not satisfied, but you brush
13:56
Speaker 2: it under the rug.
13:56
Speaker 1: But then you have this great trip and now you're like,
13:58
Speaker 1: now I'm really not satisfied.
14:00
Speaker 2: So hopefully that helped answer that question. All right, Next question, Hi,
14:08
Speaker 2: alexis I've been listening to your podcast for years and
14:10
Speaker 2: it's truly changed my life.
14:12
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for everything you do.
14:13
Speaker 2: Lately, I've been reflecting on some of your episodes and
14:16
Speaker 2: I realized that while I love your advice, there are
14:18
Speaker 2: times that I find it hard to relate. You often
14:20
Speaker 2: talk about going to the people you trust for you live,
14:23
Speaker 2: your cousin, or your family, but hearing that always makes
14:26
Speaker 2: me feel sad. I don't have anyone I can turn
14:28
Speaker 2: to when things go wrong. I'm not close with my family,
14:31
Speaker 2: and I don't have friends I can talk to about
14:33
Speaker 2: serious issues.
14:34
Speaker 1: I think this is why I've always had a boyfriend.
14:36
Speaker 2: But now I've been single for over a year, which
14:38
Speaker 2: is a big milestone for me, and I'm proud of that. Still,
14:41
Speaker 2: it's been tough because I feel I don't have anyone
14:44
Speaker 2: to confide in when life gets hard. Recently, I had
14:47
Speaker 2: an issue with my roommate, who I thought was a
14:49
Speaker 2: good friend. We worked together and used to talk about everything,
14:53
Speaker 2: but it turns out that she thrives on drama and
14:54
Speaker 2: gossip and she shared things I told her in confidence.
14:57
Speaker 2: Now I'm caught up in a situation I never wanted
14:59
Speaker 2: to be part of, and it's been really upsetting. Now
15:02
Speaker 2: now that I listen to your podcast, I don't give
15:03
Speaker 2: her any juice that she wants, but it's left me
15:05
Speaker 2: feeling even more isolated. That I can't talk about these
15:08
Speaker 2: things to anyone. For context, I moved to a new
15:11
Speaker 2: country almost every year because I travel a lot, which
15:14
Speaker 2: makes it hard to build long term friendships. I love
15:17
Speaker 2: my lifestyle. It's exciting, but it's also been really lonely lately.
15:20
Speaker 2: What would you do if you were in my position?
15:22
Speaker 2: I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank you for everything
15:25
Speaker 2: that you do. I love your podcast. Okay, so I'm
15:28
Speaker 2: going to tackle a couple of little things that you
15:30
Speaker 2: spoke about in there, and then try and speak about
15:31
Speaker 2: general advice. Firstly, i'd like to know what happened when
15:36
Speaker 2: you had this conflict with your housemate because you guys
15:39
Speaker 2: obviously with your roommate, because you guys were very close.
15:41
Speaker 2: You said I thought was a good friend. When conflicts
15:45
Speaker 2: like that happen, I mean, I'm all for you got
15:47
Speaker 2: to teach people how to treat you. You've got to,
15:48
Speaker 2: you know, But you also have to think is this
15:52
Speaker 2: worth attempting to salvage because is this something that you said,
15:57
Speaker 2: you know, what you spoke about me that's just not
16:01
Speaker 2: on where just you know, I'm not going to give
16:03
Speaker 2: you anything. I'm not going to be that close. Or
16:05
Speaker 2: is this something that you said. Were you aware that
16:08
Speaker 2: this would really hurt me? What were you thinking when
16:10
Speaker 2: you said that, is this something that you would even
16:13
Speaker 2: be willing to repair as a friend? And then I
16:15
Speaker 2: can think about if I'm able to repair this as
16:17
Speaker 2: a friend, Like, was there any moment where you thought
16:20
Speaker 2: they were having an absent minded moment they are a
16:24
Speaker 2: good friend, it's worth trying to repair, or did you
16:28
Speaker 2: think nuh, this is their character. I know that they're
16:31
Speaker 2: going to be like this regardless that me forgiving them
16:35
Speaker 2: and saying I don't want the friendship to be like this.
16:37
Speaker 2: I'd like us to work on it. That they wouldn't
16:39
Speaker 2: be receptive of that. So I've just kind of shifted
16:41
Speaker 2: the importance of the friendship and brought it down.
16:43
Speaker 1: How is it for you?
16:44
Speaker 2: Because I think, especially as adults, where making friendship is hard,
16:48
Speaker 2: I think whenever possible, it is worth attempting to repair,
16:53
Speaker 2: even if the other person is in the wrong. But
16:55
Speaker 2: it's more in the situation of saying number one, is
16:58
Speaker 2: this something you would like to repair?
17:02
Speaker 1: First?
17:03
Speaker 2: Because if they're like, oh, well, whatever, whatever you want,
17:06
Speaker 2: then that's a no, and then absolutely you retreat. But
17:10
Speaker 2: if this is something where someone's like, oh my god, well,
17:12
Speaker 2: I'm so glad you said that.
17:12
Speaker 1: I was mortified to talk to you. I feel so guilty.
17:14
Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, and I really want to repair.
17:16
Speaker 2: Then I think that there's potential to repair it. There
17:20
Speaker 2: have been times where I've had issues with my friends
17:22
Speaker 2: and I've been really pissed off, and I've raised it
17:24
Speaker 2: and we've spoken about it, and it's strengthened the friendship.
17:27
Speaker 2: So I think that number one before I go into
17:30
Speaker 2: other parts of what you said, have you I know
17:33
Speaker 2: you willing to want to repair this. Another thing I
17:35
Speaker 2: also don't think you should do if someone shows no
17:38
Speaker 2: indication of wanting to fix something. You also shouldn't be
17:41
Speaker 2: giving second chances when they're not showing that they're remorseful
17:44
Speaker 2: or that they would change.
17:45
Speaker 1: So that's another thing I want to say. So that's
17:47
Speaker 1: number one.
17:48
Speaker 2: Number two, you say that you move to a new
17:51
Speaker 2: country almost every year because you travel a lot, So
17:56
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's work or later, if that's
17:57
Speaker 2: like personal whatever. One that it's just guaranteed, guaranteed whether
18:03
Speaker 2: you like it or not, is that it is very hard,
18:08
Speaker 2: very hard to set down roots in friendships in any
18:13
Speaker 2: relationships when you are bouncing around the world. That's just
18:16
Speaker 2: a fact. You know, it sucks, but it is a fact.
18:20
Speaker 2: And for a lot of people as well. People like consistency,
18:25
Speaker 2: and more than anything, people like consistency in friendships. So
18:31
Speaker 2: it's a lot easier to make a short term friend
18:33
Speaker 2: if you're also in a short term situation. So what
18:36
Speaker 2: I mean by that, if I'm traveling and I meet
18:39
Speaker 2: someone who's traveling, we can probably hit it off amazingly
18:42
Speaker 2: because we're on the same path, we're kind of in
18:44
Speaker 2: that same zone. We hit it off because we're both
18:47
Speaker 2: like that. But for me to just be traveling and
18:50
Speaker 2: meet a local and set some roots, it's going to
18:53
Speaker 2: be hard. Not because the person doesn't want to be
18:55
Speaker 2: friends with me, but a lot of people when they're
18:58
Speaker 2: forging a friendship, they offer and look at it as like,
19:01
Speaker 2: I want this to be a stable constant in my
19:03
Speaker 2: life as well. And if you're someone who's like nor
19:05
Speaker 2: here nor they're moving around, bouncing around, they kind of
19:07
Speaker 2: be like, oh, yeah, you're a bit of a free soul.
19:10
Speaker 1: Whatever. Yeah, we hang around.
19:11
Speaker 2: But they might even find it difficult to open up
19:13
Speaker 2: and you know, delve deep. If they're like, oh, but
19:16
Speaker 2: you're moving to this country and in that country and whatever,
19:18
Speaker 2: there's no like stability in our friendship. Okay, that's why
19:21
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people say that, like Australians
19:23
Speaker 2: are really cliquy and it's really hard to make like
19:26
Speaker 2: deep friendships and whatever, and that is true, I think,
19:30
Speaker 2: But I think it's not exclusive to Australians. I think
19:33
Speaker 2: there's a lot of places in the world where people
19:36
Speaker 2: feel like it's difficult to make friends with people traveling
19:38
Speaker 2: because your lives are just in completely different parts. And
19:40
Speaker 2: while you can get along really well, how deep is
19:43
Speaker 2: that actual friendship? Because to for me, a friend, like
19:49
Speaker 2: a real friend, is not made overnight.
19:52
Speaker 1: It takes months.
19:53
Speaker 2: It takes just like falling in love, where you can't
19:56
Speaker 2: actually call them, you can't call it love until you've
19:59
Speaker 2: understo their character and who they really are. I think
20:01
Speaker 2: the same goes for friendships. You can, you know, really.
20:04
Speaker 1: Get to know them, have a good time, whatever.
20:06
Speaker 2: But for someone to be someone that I can confide
20:08
Speaker 2: in that I can call them an hour of need,
20:10
Speaker 2: I need to have known them for a substantial amount
20:12
Speaker 2: of time. And if I'm moving every year, the likelihood
20:15
Speaker 2: of me being able to forge that kind of friendship.
20:18
Speaker 2: It's there, but it's a lot slimmer. Okay, So I
20:21
Speaker 2: think one thing that you do need to say, This
20:23
Speaker 2: is what I meant at the start of the podcast episode.
20:25
Speaker 2: You can't have it all at the same time. So
20:29
Speaker 2: this ability to easily make adult friendships when you're bouncing
20:34
Speaker 2: around the world is just going to be reduced significantly,
20:37
Speaker 2: and that.
20:37
Speaker 1: Is a fact. Now, can you still make friends.
20:41
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I made one like a very close friend of
20:43
Speaker 2: mine who to this day is very close to me.
20:45
Speaker 2: I've made friends with when I was living in Paris,
20:47
Speaker 2: So yes, you can. But you also have to ask yourself,
20:51
Speaker 2: is my lifestyle allowing to make these kinds of friendships?
20:54
Speaker 2: And you know how am I navigating making these friendships?
20:57
Speaker 2: And how much am I putting myself out.
20:59
Speaker 1: There to make these friendships?
21:01
Speaker 2: Because you said, I've always had a boyfriend, so you're
21:03
Speaker 2: obviously putting yourself out there enough to find a romantic partner.
21:07
Speaker 2: So you don't have you don't have an issue doing that,
21:09
Speaker 2: which is really good. So you do have it in
21:12
Speaker 2: you to put yourself out to meet people romantically. So
21:15
Speaker 2: you got to ask yourself what am I doing so
21:17
Speaker 2: I can put myself out there to meet people from
21:20
Speaker 2: a friendship perspective as well.
21:21
Speaker 1: Okay, the other thing.
21:24
Speaker 2: Is how good are you at nurturing friendships from your
21:28
Speaker 2: past that actually meant something to you? Because another thing
21:31
Speaker 2: that's really common is that, and I'm also one of
21:34
Speaker 2: these people, is that when you're not physically there, you.
21:38
Speaker 1: Just taper off that friendship.
21:40
Speaker 2: You know, you like, the interaction with that person is
21:43
Speaker 2: just not as intense, And it's got nothing to do
21:45
Speaker 2: with not caring for that person. It's just that you,
21:47
Speaker 2: you know, you just so occupied wherever you are at.
21:49
Speaker 2: Like one of my my friend Carli, love her to pieces,
21:52
Speaker 2: love her to pieces. She lives in La. I used
21:54
Speaker 2: to live with her in La. She comes to Australia
21:56
Speaker 2: probably once a year. When she's in Australia, she stays
21:59
Speaker 2: with me. It's twenty for seven all the time together.
22:01
Speaker 2: We have a fucking ball. It's the best, right.
22:03
Speaker 1: But when she's in the States, we speak rarely, rarely
22:08
Speaker 1: because we're both the same like that.
22:10
Speaker 2: We're both absolutely hopeless when it comes to this long
22:13
Speaker 2: distance communication. But not everyone appreciates that. It's easy for
22:18
Speaker 2: us because it's mutual. We're just duds when it comes
22:20
Speaker 2: to long this whole long distance stuff. However, are you
22:24
Speaker 2: in a situation where for you it's not important, but
22:26
Speaker 2: maybe you've had friends in the past is like, oh,
22:28
Speaker 2: well you're fucking left, and then you never put it
22:30
Speaker 2: in an effort with the friendship again, is there something
22:32
Speaker 2: that you can do to really put in the effort
22:34
Speaker 2: with your friendships from your past.
22:36
Speaker 1: I don't know.
22:36
Speaker 2: Maybe you don't have good enough friendships in the past
22:38
Speaker 2: that you'd like to salvage. But that's another thing to
22:40
Speaker 2: think about. When you are an adult, friendships have to
22:43
Speaker 2: be intentional. It's not like when we were younger, friendships
22:48
Speaker 2: were by default. As an adult, friendships are intentional. You
22:52
Speaker 2: have to put yourself out there to make friendships. It
22:54
Speaker 2: is going to be so fucking different to make friends
22:57
Speaker 2: as an adult than it is when you were young.
23:01
Speaker 2: Another thing that I would say to you is if
23:03
Speaker 2: you're thinking, well, I'm just going to be traveling for
23:05
Speaker 2: the next couple of years and then I'm going to
23:08
Speaker 2: set my roots down, I can guarantee you whenever you
23:11
Speaker 2: do choose to set your roots down, it is going
23:13
Speaker 2: to be a whole lot easier to create that friendship
23:15
Speaker 2: circle and to create those deep connections and deep relationships. Okay,
23:19
Speaker 2: I was having a conversation with one of my good
23:20
Speaker 2: friends recently and she was really thinking about moving back
23:23
Speaker 2: to London. She's lived in London, loved it, came back
23:26
Speaker 2: now she's single again, wants to go back to London.
23:28
Speaker 2: But she said, the real reason why I'm hesitating and
23:31
Speaker 2: arming and ring is because finally, finally I've set some
23:35
Speaker 2: roots down in Australia again, and I've spent all this
23:39
Speaker 2: time nurturing these relationships which now mean the world to me.
23:42
Speaker 2: And I don't want it to be the only reason
23:43
Speaker 2: why I don't go to London, but my friendships are
23:45
Speaker 2: everything to me now, and I just know that all
23:48
Speaker 2: this effort into putting my roots down to just up
23:50
Speaker 2: and leave and it's just not going to be the
23:52
Speaker 2: same when I'm gone. I know that for a fact,
23:54
Speaker 2: no matter how much we speak on the phone. And
23:55
Speaker 2: it's true, Like she's right, So that's like all almost
24:00
Speaker 2: a good enough reason for her to just not move.
24:02
Speaker 2: And I get it, because if you're if you finally
24:05
Speaker 2: set your roots down, you've created these solid friendships, it
24:08
Speaker 2: means everything to you. It took effort it took time,
24:10
Speaker 2: it took work. Now she's achieved it. She's like, this
24:13
Speaker 2: is now one of the things I've valued the most
24:15
Speaker 2: of my life. So as much as I'd love to
24:16
Speaker 2: do this trip, I just don't think I'm going to
24:18
Speaker 2: do it.
24:18
Speaker 1: And not even a trip.
24:18
Speaker 2: As much as i'd love to move again, I just
24:20
Speaker 2: don't think I want to do it.
24:22
Speaker 1: So basically, in.
24:24
Speaker 2: A nutshell, what I'm trying to say to you is
24:27
Speaker 2: you can't necessarily have it all at the same time.
24:30
Speaker 2: But it doesn't mean that that's not they're available for you. Okay,
24:33
Speaker 2: it's going to be harder for you because you're not
24:36
Speaker 2: staying in one place long enough. But where is it
24:40
Speaker 2: that you can lean into friendships maybe from your past
24:43
Speaker 2: or maybe currently where it's going to require you driving
24:46
Speaker 2: that thing and you putting in the effort. Because if
24:49
Speaker 2: I meet someone who's swanned into Australia and we get
24:53
Speaker 2: along really well, but they're like, oh, but I'm leaving soon,
24:55
Speaker 2: I'm probably going to categorize them as like a good
24:57
Speaker 2: time's friend.
24:58
Speaker 1: But if they're constantly.
24:59
Speaker 2: Putting in the effort to hang out with me, I'm like, wow,
25:01
Speaker 2: this might be deeper than that.
25:02
Speaker 1: And then I might lean into it.
25:03
Speaker 2: So maybe you need to be putting more effort into
25:07
Speaker 2: these friendships than they are with you because you're the
25:10
Speaker 2: one that's going to be leaving, so it's kind of
25:13
Speaker 2: on you to determine how close this friendship is going
25:15
Speaker 2: to be.
25:15
Speaker 1: Hopefully that helped, But.
25:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, it friendships are fucking It's a complicated thing.
25:21
Speaker 1: I think we all know that.
25:25
Speaker 3: Sense, all right.
25:45
Speaker 2: Next question, Hi Alexis and Shania. I love when people
25:50
Speaker 2: or everyone knows Shania. Now, I just wanted to say
25:52
Speaker 2: thank you for Thank you to you both for producing
25:55
Speaker 2: such a beautiful and impactful podcast and for putting it
25:57
Speaker 2: out to the world for beans like me to feast on.
26:00
Speaker 1: Thank you. Bit of a long one. Sorry.
26:02
Speaker 2: So I work for New South Wales Health and I
26:04
Speaker 2: currently live in Sydney with my parents. I finished my
26:06
Speaker 2: bachelor's degree last year and have spent the first year
26:08
Speaker 2: of my new career working in Sydney. As part of
26:11
Speaker 2: my job, I get allocated to work in a different
26:14
Speaker 2: area after my first year, and I don't have a
26:17
Speaker 2: say in where I'll be moved to. I just found
26:19
Speaker 2: out that I, unfortunately have been allocated to a very regional,
26:22
Speaker 2: small town seven hours west of Sydney.
26:25
Speaker 1: That is far. That's fucking far to say, I'm completely terrified.
26:29
Speaker 2: As an understatement, I don't know anyone in the town
26:32
Speaker 2: and there's no one going along with me, so I'll
26:34
Speaker 2: be making the move on my own. I'm twenty four
26:36
Speaker 2: years old and i still live at home. Although I'm
26:38
Speaker 2: keen to move out of home this year, moving to
26:40
Speaker 2: a small regional town was not on my twenty twenty
26:43
Speaker 2: five bingo card. Luckily, I only have to persevere for
26:47
Speaker 2: a little under a year before I can come back.
26:49
Speaker 1: That's good.
26:50
Speaker 2: I know this is entirely out of my control, and
26:52
Speaker 2: I honestly am trying to embrace this new change. But
26:54
Speaker 2: I'm having trouble coming to terms with that and accepting
26:56
Speaker 2: the reality. The visions and goals I had for twenty
26:58
Speaker 2: twenty five aren't as a chief now due to where
27:01
Speaker 2: I'll be living, and I'm struggling to come.
27:02
Speaker 1: To terms with that.
27:03
Speaker 2: I know it's on this short term, but I think
27:06
Speaker 2: the fact that I'm turning twenty five this year makes
27:08
Speaker 2: everything more daunting. I'm chronically single, and this year I
27:10
Speaker 2: really wanted to focus on having fun dating new people
27:13
Speaker 2: as well as just having fun with my girlfriends. But
27:16
Speaker 2: it's harder to do these things now I think. I
27:18
Speaker 2: feel my time in my twenties is running out quickly
27:20
Speaker 2: and I want to make the most of it. But
27:21
Speaker 2: how do I make the most of my twenties when
27:22
Speaker 2: I live and work in rural New South Wales. I
27:24
Speaker 2: wanted twenty twenty five to be filled with beach walks, swims,
27:29
Speaker 2: going for cocktail and going to cocktail hour and wine
27:32
Speaker 2: bar with friends and just having fun, but now I
27:34
Speaker 2: feel like I can't do any of that. Also, I'm
27:36
Speaker 2: completely not the type of person to care about societal timelines,
27:39
Speaker 2: and I've never ever believed that people should be settling
27:42
Speaker 2: down by any certain age. I'm all about living how
27:45
Speaker 2: I want to leave, in alignment with my own values.
27:47
Speaker 2: But a small part of my mind keeps gnawing away
27:49
Speaker 2: at me, telling me that time is running out to
27:51
Speaker 2: meet someone, fall in love and get married, And now
27:53
Speaker 2: that I'm moving to a very small, regional town, I
27:55
Speaker 2: feel like I have to write off the rest of
27:57
Speaker 2: the year and accept that I'm not going to meet anyone.
28:00
Speaker 2: Do you have any guidance or advice at all on
28:02
Speaker 2: how to cope when your life is upheaved and goes
28:05
Speaker 2: into a completely different direction to what you had planned
28:07
Speaker 2: on your podcast. Will be getting me through this challenging year.
28:10
Speaker 2: So from the bottom of my heart, thank you lots
28:12
Speaker 2: of love. Great question, but I am going to say
28:15
Speaker 2: to you, firstly, you will get through this better than
28:20
Speaker 2: you think you will. And the reason for that is
28:22
Speaker 2: you're saying that this completely threw you off, and it's
28:26
Speaker 2: this upheaval and whatever. You knew that you were going
28:29
Speaker 2: to be sent somewhere for one year after working one
28:34
Speaker 2: year in Sydney, Okay, you said, part off?
28:37
Speaker 1: Where is it? You said, as part of.
28:42
Speaker 2: My job, I get allocated to work in a different
28:44
Speaker 2: area after my first year. So you knew Okay, yes,
28:48
Speaker 2: you wanted somewhere that was a little bit better, but
28:50
Speaker 2: hanging out with your friends with Cockton and Out, you
28:52
Speaker 2: knew this wasn't going to happen. You signed up for
28:55
Speaker 2: it because you know you're capable. I know it's daunting
28:58
Speaker 2: right now because you're thinking of all the worst things
29:00
Speaker 2: and you're not able to look at the good right now.
29:02
Speaker 2: But you walked into this as a willing individual, which
29:07
Speaker 2: is great and I'm applauding you for that because I actually, really,
29:10
Speaker 2: I really look up to people that do that and
29:13
Speaker 2: do those regional years. It's like a huge show of
29:16
Speaker 2: character and it's fucking character building as well, and it
29:19
Speaker 2: will teach you many amazing life lessons that you will
29:22
Speaker 2: carry with you for the rest of your life. But
29:24
Speaker 2: what I'm saying is that I think you're a bit
29:26
Speaker 2: shocked at where they've sent you, but it's not as
29:30
Speaker 2: much of an upheaval as.
29:32
Speaker 1: You know, like this was something that you signed up for.
29:34
Speaker 2: Basically Number two, you obviously love what you do and
29:39
Speaker 2: value your job because at no part are you thinking
29:41
Speaker 2: I'm not going to do this, Okay, You're like, this
29:45
Speaker 2: is the career I want.
29:47
Speaker 1: I have to do it.
29:48
Speaker 2: I just hate the fact that I have to do it, okay,
29:49
Speaker 2: which is great, Which is where we want you. Because
29:52
Speaker 2: if you're in a position where you're like, it's the
29:54
Speaker 2: exact career that I want, I've worked for it up there.
29:57
Speaker 2: I can tell you right now, being in that position
30:01
Speaker 2: where you are you have to sacrifice in order to
30:05
Speaker 2: gain something that matters to you, is a great position
30:08
Speaker 2: to be in.
30:08
Speaker 1: Okay. Think about all the.
30:12
Speaker 2: Different careers that people go through where they have to
30:15
Speaker 2: make crazy sacrifice in order for gain.
30:20
Speaker 1: They're like, okay, loot.
30:21
Speaker 2: Look at a med student, right they might not have
30:24
Speaker 2: to necessarily move cities, maybe not, but think about the
30:27
Speaker 2: time that they have to allocate to studying, where their
30:31
Speaker 2: social life goes out the window, where so much goes
30:33
Speaker 2: out the window, and they've got to give it their all.
30:35
Speaker 2: But they're willing to do it because it equals the
30:38
Speaker 2: life that they want. Hard work for the life that
30:42
Speaker 2: you want is always worth it, always worth it. So
30:46
Speaker 2: I think what you need to do is you need
30:48
Speaker 2: to change your tune because you've got two options right now.
30:51
Speaker 1: Go they're depressed, or go they're happy.
30:53
Speaker 2: But you're going obviously, because at no point in this
30:55
Speaker 2: letter did you say I'm not going to go.
30:57
Speaker 1: I don't even know. I want this career this night. No,
30:59
Speaker 1: no point. You want this career, which is fucking epic.
31:03
Speaker 1: So I want you to give.
31:04
Speaker 2: Yourself a little bit more credit here. You are young
31:07
Speaker 2: as fuck twenty five, and I also don't think people
31:11
Speaker 2: should be going by timelines. But if we are going
31:13
Speaker 2: by timelines, you are a fetus in the scheme of life. Okay,
31:17
Speaker 2: this is the time to do your trip in a
31:21
Speaker 2: regional town and if you don't want to, like I
31:25
Speaker 2: don't want to date in the regional town, or I
31:26
Speaker 2: don't think I will meet anyone in the regional town,
31:28
Speaker 2: you can write this year off as this is not
31:31
Speaker 2: going to be a social year and it's not going
31:33
Speaker 2: to be a year where I am going to be
31:35
Speaker 2: meeting people.
31:37
Speaker 1: It's just under a year that you're going.
31:39
Speaker 2: So instead, what I would do is think what can
31:44
Speaker 2: I do to rebrand myself for this one year where
31:48
Speaker 2: I can come back as the exact version of myself
31:52
Speaker 2: that I want to be. I'm going to go and
31:54
Speaker 2: use this time to yes, work there, but work on
31:57
Speaker 2: aspects of myself. This is my opportunity to dive so
32:01
Speaker 2: fucking deep in my self, my development. What I want,
32:05
Speaker 2: things that I can learn, things that I can grow on,
32:07
Speaker 2: things that It's not the year that I would have liked.
32:09
Speaker 1: But I knew this was coming. I wasn't unaware.
32:11
Speaker 2: I'm not being ambushed here, So don't tell yourself you're
32:15
Speaker 2: being ambushed, because you're gonna make this a whole lot
32:17
Speaker 2: harder if you start believing that you were throwing a
32:19
Speaker 2: curveball that you didn't see coming. You saw this coming,
32:21
Speaker 2: just maybe not seven hours out west, which sucks, but
32:24
Speaker 2: this is the reality.
32:26
Speaker 1: Another thing is I can.
32:28
Speaker 2: Guarantee you you don't want to cruise in the same well,
32:31
Speaker 2: maybe you do. Look, I don't want to speak for
32:33
Speaker 2: everyone because that's probably unfair, but a lot of people,
32:37
Speaker 2: myself included, you don't want to cruise the entire your
32:40
Speaker 2: entire life in the same city, in the same place.
32:42
Speaker 1: And this because you're gonna look back and be like,
32:46
Speaker 1: why didn't I fucking do that regional year? Why didn't
32:49
Speaker 1: I fucking like that?
32:50
Speaker 2: Shit is like line in the sand moments in my
32:54
Speaker 2: life where I had experiences I never thought I would have.
32:58
Speaker 1: I had like, I met people I never thought i'd meet.
33:01
Speaker 2: I you know, I built myself up, I learned. So
33:06
Speaker 2: you're going to learn more about yourself in this year
33:09
Speaker 2: than you would if you had stayed guaranteed. Okay, I
33:12
Speaker 2: want you to turn this around. I'm not going to
33:14
Speaker 2: give you the pep talk to be like, I know
33:16
Speaker 2: it's horrible. It's not it's it's not horrible, It's not horrible.
33:20
Speaker 2: Is it hard yes?
33:22
Speaker 1: Is it? Do you need to be resilient? Yes? Absolutely?
33:26
Speaker 1: Is it going to test you? Yes?
33:29
Speaker 2: But is it going are you going to reap benefits
33:31
Speaker 2: from it massively. If there weren't benefits, you wouldn't be
33:34
Speaker 2: doing it. You're going to get the career that you want.
33:36
Speaker 2: Part of this is doing that one year. You're gonna
33:38
Speaker 2: come back and you're going to be able to be
33:39
Speaker 2: placed where you want because you did that year away.
33:41
Speaker 1: Okay, You're also going to learn.
33:44
Speaker 2: So much about the career itself because you're working in
33:47
Speaker 2: a completely different environment. Your skill set is going to
33:49
Speaker 2: go up exponentially. You're going to have the opportunity to
33:53
Speaker 2: work on things in the meantime that you probably would
33:56
Speaker 2: be too distracted when.
33:57
Speaker 1: You're at home.
33:58
Speaker 2: Okay, get to live outside of home in a rural town.
34:03
Speaker 2: There's it sounds hectic, but there's a lot of good.
34:06
Speaker 2: I want you to turn how you look at this around, because,
34:09
Speaker 2: like I said at the start of my advice segment,
34:12
Speaker 2: you're either going to go they're depressed, or you're gonna
34:14
Speaker 2: go there with a fucking open heart and open eyes
34:16
Speaker 2: and be like, what can I milk out of this
34:18
Speaker 2: life experience? There are people I've got friends that they're
34:22
Speaker 2: so the tea, their teachers.
34:23
Speaker 1: One of my good friends who's a teacher.
34:25
Speaker 2: And she got sent to work in this remote, remote
34:31
Speaker 2: town in far north Queensland. Remote right. She was like,
34:37
Speaker 2: can you fucking believe this? I'm going for a year?
34:41
Speaker 2: I don't know, Like I can't just to even come
34:43
Speaker 2: back to Brisbane when we were living at the time.
34:46
Speaker 2: It was like multiple flights and crazy long buses.
34:50
Speaker 1: It was like fucking hectic. She ended up staying for
34:54
Speaker 1: three years.
34:55
Speaker 2: She voluntarily extended it because she was like, I never
34:59
Speaker 2: thought I would have this kind of experience and I'm
35:01
Speaker 2: never going to really come back, So why not extended
35:03
Speaker 2: in Milbourne in her twenties?
35:05
Speaker 1: Mind you.
35:05
Speaker 2: So, what I'm trying to say is you don't know
35:08
Speaker 2: what is in store for you, But if you go
35:10
Speaker 2: in angry and annoyed and thinking that it's all over
35:13
Speaker 2: for you, you're going to really limit the doors that
35:16
Speaker 2: are open for you because you're shutting them off with
35:18
Speaker 2: your like bias and what you're focusing on. Okay, the
35:22
Speaker 2: cocktails will always be there, the beach swims, everything's always
35:27
Speaker 2: going to be there, and when you return to Sydney
35:30
Speaker 2: you will be so much richer for it.
35:33
Speaker 1: Okay, So turn it around. You are capable.
35:38
Speaker 2: You're way more capable than you're giving yourself credit right now,
35:41
Speaker 2: don't talk yourself down. Don't fucking just I'm telling you
35:44
Speaker 2: right now, you need to hype yourself up. You need
35:47
Speaker 2: to say we're going and hard. This is going to
35:49
Speaker 2: be a once in a lifetime experience. I can talk
35:51
Speaker 2: to my fucking friends and family about this when I'm
35:54
Speaker 2: in my fifties and sixties.
35:55
Speaker 1: There's going to be funny things that happen.
35:56
Speaker 2: There's going to be great moments that happen that teach
35:59
Speaker 2: me about my life and about myself. So as hard
36:02
Speaker 2: as it is, I'm actually excited for you. So I'm pumped,
36:05
Speaker 2: and I actually would love for you to write to me,
36:08
Speaker 2: maybe like a few months in or halfway through, and
36:10
Speaker 2: I'd love to update the listeners on your journey because
36:14
Speaker 2: it's going to be great.
36:15
Speaker 1: Okay, hard, yes, but life changing also.
36:19
Speaker 2: Yes.
36:20
Speaker 1: Guys.
36:20
Speaker 2: That is all for today. Thank you so much for listening.
36:23
Speaker 2: Thank you for sending in your emails. If you do
36:26
Speaker 2: want to send in your emails, just email info at
36:29
Speaker 2: dyfmpod dot com. If you want to send in a
36:31
Speaker 2: voice message, then you can send your voice message into
36:36
Speaker 2: There's like a little section in the menu of my
36:38
Speaker 2: website so www dot dfmpod dot com and you can
36:41
Speaker 2: submit your voicemail question. Guys, thank you so much, love
36:45
Speaker 2: you so much, and I will see you back here
36:48
Speaker 2: next episode. As always, remember be kind to yourself, becunt
36:51
Speaker 2: to your brain, don't text shit from anyone, and especially
36:54
Speaker 2: don't text sh it from yourself.
36:55
Speaker 1: Don't ca