Latest / Dear Chelsea / Minisode: Gold-Star Gay with Chelsea + Catherine

Transcript

Minisode: Gold-Star Gay with Chelsea + Catherine · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay for the high and mighty to our people. We
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: are rocket and rolling. These are the shows we have
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: coming up. Chicago April tenth. I start Chicago, then I
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: have Indianapolis on the eleventh, and then Louisville, Kentucky on
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: April twelfth. April sixteenth is Albuquerque. April seventeenth is Mesa, Arizona.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: April twenty third is Kansas City, Missouri. April twenty fourth
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: is Saint Louis, Missouri. April twenty fifth is Minneapolis. April
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: thirtieth Nashville. May first, Charlotte, North Carolina. May second is Durham,
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: North Carolina. May sixth in Los Angeles at the Sabon
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Theater for Netflix as a joke. April fifteenth, I will
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: be in Saratoga. April sixteenth, Monterey, April seventeenth, Modesto. I
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: will be in port Chester on June fourth. June fifth,
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  Speaker 1: I will be in Boston, Massachusetts. June twelfth, I will
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: be in Portland, Oregon. And June thirteenth, I will be
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: in Seattle, Washington. June twenty seventh is going to be Hyennas, Massachusetts.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: August sixth is red Bank, New Jersey. August seven I'm
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: coming home to Montclair, New Jersey, August fifteenth, is Calgary, Alberta, Canada,
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  Speaker 1: September eighteenth, Santa Barbara September nineteenth, San Diego September twenty fifth.
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  Speaker 1: I will be at the Beacon in New York City
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  Speaker 1: September twenty sixth. I will be in Philadelphia September twenty seventh,
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  Speaker 1: New Haven, Connecticut. October second, Atlanta, Georgia, October third, Baltimore, Maryland,
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  Speaker 1: October fourth, Saginaw, Michigan, October ninth, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, October tenth, Toronto, Canada,
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  Speaker 1: October sixteenth. I'm coming to Boise, Idaho, October seventeenth, Spokane, Washington,
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  Speaker 1: November seventh. I will be in San Francisco and November thirteenth,
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  Speaker 1: Salt Lake City November twentieth, Austin November twenty first, Houston, Texas,
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  Speaker 1: November twenty second, Irving, Texas. December fifth. I am adding
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: a second show in Denver for those of you who
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: are going to get tickets to the first one. And
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: on December sixth, I will be coming to Vancouver, Canada. Okay,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: those are all my dates for the Hi Mighty Door.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Go to Chelsea Handler dot com for tickets. Hi Catherine,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Hi Chelsea.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: You know what have you seen this thing online of
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: people only hiring women?
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Now? I love it.
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  Speaker 2: I had to tell you about this because I've been
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: seeing sort of a movement online of like, why would
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: I hire a man when I can just hire a
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  Speaker 2: woman to do this, whether it's like, you know, odd
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  Speaker 2: jobs around the house, or like going to a female dentist.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I thought of that.
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  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my gosh, why have I been going
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: to a male dentist? So I'm switching immediately. But there's
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: even these There's like a couple of little companies that
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: are like rent a butch where they can hire a
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: woman to come and like install your shelves or whatever. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: there's another one called Not a Man's.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Solutions in the Dallas Fort Worth area. So I don't know,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: that's just been coming across my I love that because obviously,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: why not just try to avoid being sexually assultant? Also,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: while you're at it, also, I had six doctors appointments,
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: so I was in LA for twenty four hours. So
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  Speaker 1: I did all of my annuals, and four out of
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  Speaker 1: six of my doctors are women. My dentist is a woman.
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  Speaker 1: My guynecologist is a woman. My dermatologist is a woman.
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  Speaker 1: The only man that I went to that is the
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  Speaker 1: only man that I saw is my internist. He's a man. Great.
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  Speaker 2: You know what, Sometimes sometimes a man has got to
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  Speaker 2: slip in there, but.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Well sometimes they do have to slip in there. But yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I love that. First of all, if you have, if
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  Speaker 1: you're a woman, you want a female doctor, I mean,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: that's just makes some more sense you just do. So
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  Speaker 1: sorry guys. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And also, like we're voting with our dollars whenever we
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: spend a dollar, so like, let's spend it with women.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I love it. Voting with our dollars. Voting with our dollars.
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  Speaker 2: They say, like when you are spending a dollar wherever
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  Speaker 2: you're spending it, that dollar is a vote for something.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: So whether you're spending an Amazon or you're spending it
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  Speaker 2: like shopping small for Christmas or whatever, you're voting with
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  Speaker 2: your dollars of what you want to see more of.
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  Speaker 1: So voting for women. Yeah, I'd like to see less
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: of Amazon, that's for sure. Same.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, So I have it update right now from Alyssa,
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: who called in on our Madeleine Petch episode. She was
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  Speaker 2: the out who her boyfriend didn't want the dog in
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: the bedroom.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Okay, so she says, dequerdo or no day record.
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  Speaker 2: Dequerdo yes okay, Hi ladies, I wanted to update you
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: about the situation. When the episode came out, I played
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  Speaker 2: it for my boyfriend. I don't think he realized how
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: much of an asshole he was being about the dog
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: free time until he heard others talk about it too.
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  Speaker 2: We talked about it more, and since then, I've simply
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: left the door to our bedroom open for my dog
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  Speaker 2: to come in and out as he pleases. Some nights
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: he sleeps with us, and other nights he chooses to
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: stay on the couch. On top of that, I got
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: a new job a couple of weeks ago and am
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: able to work from home Mondays and Fridays, which gives
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: me much more one on one time with my dog
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  Speaker 2: than I had before. I think I was missing that,
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: and I'm beyond happy to have more time at home
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  Speaker 2: with him during the week. PS tell Chelsea to keep
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: posting the Doug content. He's such a light during these
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: dark times. Much love, Alissa.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Speaking of light during dark times, Doug is getting lighter
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: in Whistler because of the time. Color. Yeah, in color,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: his coat is getting lighter and lighter. And I was like,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: why does he have light brown streaks on him? And
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: I asked my doggie, my person up there who takes
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  Speaker 1: care of him. Yes, and she was like, oh, when
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: these types of dogs aren't exposed to the sun, they're
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: like their bodies, their their coats get lighter. And when
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: they're exposed to the sun, their coats get darker. And
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, yeah. And I don't know if it's
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: just chow Chows or all dogs, but it was definitely
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: chow Chow's. So I'm gonna have to follow up the bay,
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: but it was true. So his hair is like, he's
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: got tints of red and blonde. I'm like, come on, buddy,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: let's get back to basics. I got you because you
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: were black. I need you to stay black.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Well, listen, I can't blame my boy for wanting eyelights.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Okay.
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  Speaker 2: Well, our collor today is Kristen and she is a
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: lesbian in love with a bisexual girl. So she says,
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  Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty two year old gay woman
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  Speaker 2: and came out at twenty three. Since then, I've unfortunately
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: found myself in relationships with people who weren't good for me.
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  Speaker 2: Because of this, I sometimes struggle with insecurities even now
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: that I'm finally in a healthy, loving relationship. I'm dating
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  Speaker 2: an amazing woman. She's twenty seven, has a great career,
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: and we truly have fun together. We communicate well, we
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: laugh a lot, and I love her deeply. For the
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: first time, I can see myself wanting marriage because of
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: my past, I catch myself worrying that I'll somehow sabotage
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: the relationship with my fears. Here's where my insecurities creep in.
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  Speaker 2: My girlfriend is bisexual, which I fully accept, but I've
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: been cheated on in the past by a by partner.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: She cheated with a man.
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  Speaker 2: I sometimes spiral into thinking I'll never be able to
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  Speaker 2: offer what a man could, and it makes me worry
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  Speaker 2: she'll eventually leave in our relationship. She also kept the
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: door open with another woman before choosing me, which made
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: me question whether I was really her first choice. She
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  Speaker 2: also tells me she finds me most attractive when I'm confident,
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: and honestly, I get that because I feel the same
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  Speaker 2: way about women. Confidence is hot and I want to
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  Speaker 2: show up as a confident, badass woman that I know
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  Speaker 2: I am, But when my insecurities creep in, I feel
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  Speaker 2: her attraction fade, and then I spiral even more.
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  Speaker 1: I know I'm a catch.
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  Speaker 2: I have a solid career, I have a PhD and
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  Speaker 2: actively work on equality and Arkansas all places. But sometimes
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  Speaker 2: my fear of being left blindsides me, and I can't
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  Speaker 2: tell if it's my trauma making me feel this way,
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  Speaker 2: or if my gut is trying to warn me. I
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  Speaker 2: want to marry this woman. I want to trust her
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  Speaker 2: fully and stop doubting myself. But how do I know
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  Speaker 2: if these are just my insecurities and trauma talking, or
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  Speaker 2: if they're red flags I'm ignoring best.
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  Speaker 1: Kristin Hi, Kristian, Hi, Hi, those are insecurities and you
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  Speaker 1: as a woman. This is the most important lesson we
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  Speaker 1: can learn, is that that negative talk in our brains.
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  Speaker 1: It's a narrative that every single person has, and it's
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  Speaker 1: up to you if you're going to decide to listen
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  Speaker 1: to that narrative, if you're going to decide to listen
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: to the little voice in your head, which is your
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: ego telling you, oh, maybe this isn't going to work out.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe you're not good enough. Maybe that person isn't she
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  Speaker 1: is going to cheat on you. If if there's nothing
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  Speaker 1: you can do to control anybody else's behavior, the only
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  Speaker 1: person's behavior that you're in control love is your own.
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  Speaker 1: So you have to reshape the things, the thoughts that
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  Speaker 1: you react to. You know, as a woman, what is
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: in your gut. You know, if a situation doesn't feel
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: right right, you've had that feeling, you know that. And
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  Speaker 1: then there's the differentiation between the thoughts in your head
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  Speaker 1: that just kind of like you're lying in bed at
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: night and you're like, oh, maybe I'm not this or
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: maybe they don't like me, or you know, whatever your
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: negative thought patterns are. That is not your intuition, that's
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: just your negative narrative. And in order to change that,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: you kind of have to flip the script. You have
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: to always be like, those are thoughts, those are that's
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: not a reality. She's with you. Take things at face value.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: Even if she was going to cheat on you, even
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: if the worst of the worst was going to happen,
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: there's nothing that your thoughts are going to do to
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: control that behavior of hers. So you have to trust
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: in your relationship and with this person that you feel
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: this passionately about. You have to trust you. You have
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: to be like, I'm making a solid decision. She's given
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: me evidence that she wants to be with me. She
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: was honest about being with someone else and then choosing
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: you to be with That's not a negative, that's a positive.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: That's being transparent because she was right. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: And I think one of the things too, that comes
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: with of being insecure, particularly for the gay community. I
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: feel like as a gay woman that's openly like a lesbian,
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: we from like coming out at like thirty, you are
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: taught that there is no healthy relationship for us, you know,
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: like being in the South, which is why I do
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: so much advocacy work with it. I think that a
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: lot of people skip that part when it comes to
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: why do we have insecurities? Because I think all women
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: have insecurities, it's just the nature of it. But I
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: think when you look into the gay community as a
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: gay woman, it's all of these things that we've been taught, well,
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: it's not going to work out because you're gay and
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: all these things coming from the South, you know, not
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: even I didn't even wasn't able to come out until
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: twenty three so whenever something negative happens to go, oh,
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: it's because of this, and that's like, you know, like
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: stopping channeling that negative self talk. And I think for
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: the gay community, it's really there because we're just taught
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: it's gonna fail. And I think when you look at
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: our relationship and things are working, if this was in
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: a normal like if I was dating man and I
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: was you know, straight, it would be a totally different
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: world to me. I think where you'd be like, oh,
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: they they're with me. You don't have as many securities
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: because we're tad. Oh that's gonna work out, you know,
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: like you can get married, which they're trying to take
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: away from upside of rapid pace.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: So I think those are.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: Things that just aren't that lean into it. And surprisingly
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: she's now moved to New York. We're still together. She
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: got a dream job and fashion in New York. Honestly,
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: distant who knew is much easier for me, even with insecurities,
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: because it's like such a thing like I think you
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: get time to like not think about that all the time,
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: and like work, I feel like you being I love
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: long distance, not in a bad way, like I love
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: being with someone at the same time and having them here.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: But distance is nice because I'm able to filter through
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: my thoughts and like work and do my own thing,
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: but then not be focused on because she's here, of like,
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: oh she could leave, you know for some reason. Distance
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: for me is like, oh, I can really buy you
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: this person. Trust is really there. You have to lean
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: on it, so there's no other way. But I think
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: the a lot of my insecurities come from that idea.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Narrative that you've been told which is not which is
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: a story, Like there's thoughts and then there's facts and reality.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Like your thoughts are not reality, They're just thoughts. You
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: could always be like, oh my god, am I gonna
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: have it? Like am I gonna do well tonight? Or
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: am I gonna do well at my job? Like if
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: I go on, well, Actually, I don't have these thoughts
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: because I've had this conversation with myself. I mean, I'm
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: not immune to them, but I work very hard at
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: being able to delineate the thoughts in your head from
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: the actions on the ground. You know, what's real is
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: not what you're thinking. That we all have insecurities around
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: so many things, and you've been fed a story and
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: you're choosing to continue to eat that story instead of
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: putting it aside and being like, no, actually, I'm going
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: on to the next meal of my life, which is reality.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: You're in a situation, you're in love, and if something
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: happens in that relationship to change the dynamic that you
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: find out about, then that's the time to be like, Okay,
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: well this is this is face value, this is real.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: This isn't your imagination getting the better of you. So
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: I think it's just an it's a practice and you
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: have to really employ it, but you you don't have
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: time for this old story, like that's not helping you. Yeah.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I told Catherine I think I had said that,
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: Like I work where my whole job is just identifying problems, right,
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: like having PHG. You're just built to identify problems and
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: then the problem has to be fixed. And if there's
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: no problem, then I have no job and it's useless, right,
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: So I think to take that out of my work life,
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: and then it merges so much in a personal life.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: I think, like your work identity, you don't realize it
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: because my brain's built to fix things and I don't
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: want to fix a person. You know I'm trying to
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: fix myself if anyone in this, and it's just one
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: of those things that makes it hard with so many
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: things going through.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: But you're exactly right. It's like, how do I shut
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: that off.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: When I'm done at five and not bring it into
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: this relationship to be like, there's a problem, I need
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: to fix it.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: I mean, you should have this conversation with yourself out
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: loud daily, Like you leave work and you're like, Okay,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: I'm leaving my problem solving and problem creating and troubleshooting.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Talking yourself out loud is a powerful tool. Like leave work,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: You're like, okay, I'm done with work. I'm done with troubleshooting.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: Now I get to get into my personal life and
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: my real life. That's my work life and this is
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: my real life. And I know exactly what you mean
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: about bleeding personal life into professional life. My life is
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: all kind of one big basket. But I do make
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: sure that I have positive conversations with myself, constantly remind
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: myself that I'm incredible, that I'm brave, that I help people,
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: and that you know, so you have to do that
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: for yourself too. And it doesn't you don't have to
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: do it forever. You just kind of have to flip
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: the channel, you know what I mean, the channel from
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: the negative talk and the negative narrative that's been implanted
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: in your brain from other people. That's not real. That's
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: a story, and you're done with that story. You know,
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: you can believe that story or you can move on
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: with your life in a positive way. So I would
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: start with saying talking to yourself in a really loving
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: way every day, even when you get up, like yeah,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: wake up and be like I'm a fucking badass, I'm
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: in a happy relationship, i have a great job. I'm
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: going to go and kick ass today. And when you
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: leave work, you're like, that's over. That part of my
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: day is over, and now I'm going into my personal
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: life and remind and write the things down. When you
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: do have these thoughts, write it down. And this doesn't
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: have to be a permanent habit either. It's just kind
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: of a transition into a more positive state of mind
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: and like a little bit more I don't want to
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: say self esteem, but like self assuredness within your relationship,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: because listen, nobody wants to be with somebody who's insecure
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: about being with them. It's not a turn on. Yeah,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: nobody likes that. You know that. You don't like that, Yeah,
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: I don't like that. It's it's a nick. So you
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: have to like when you have those moments, you have
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: to sit with yourself and say what is this? Is
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: this real or is this a story I'm telling myself?
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: And I think it's a It is a really common
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: question that people who are dating someone who's bisexual, whether
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: you're a man or a woman dating someone whose bisexuals, like,
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: oh am I going to be enough for them?
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: And I would argue that you're more than yeah, than
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: a man you can buy at the store, and we
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: all know that.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: Actually don't yet, So I'm like, it's not me, but
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: I always wonder, you know, you're like, oh gosh, I
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: don't want to be that. I can't compare, and I don't.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm not even in that.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not competing with that.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: Like if that's like it also new.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: What you're saying is just it's so like vast and
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: that's like me dating someone and being like, what if
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: he meets a brunette? Right Exactly, it's silly. It's because
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: he's dated brunettes before, you know what I mean, Like,
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: it doesn't it doesn't matter. You have to show up
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: to your relationship and give, like give what you've got
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: to give, and that's gonna be enough. And if it's
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: not enough, then you're gonna move on to do something else.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Even if the relationship were to blow up, you're gonna
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: survive that too. Like I'm here to tell you everyone
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: survives all of this stuff, you know, Like we always
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: think it's the end of the world and we were
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: so worried. I've been in that position when I've been
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: in relationships where I've been like, she get a cheat
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: on me, I have to call them. You know, this
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: is you know, a very toxic relationship obviously, but it's like, yeah,
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: because when you think like that and you act like that,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: it's almost like you could kind of create that situations.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: Like a self fulfilling prophecy.
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And it's so annoying. And I feel like I
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: do a good job about not blowing up phones or
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: like doing anything crazy. It's just one of those things
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: where I'm like, what's happened? This has never happened to
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: me before in my entire life. Either that most of
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: the time, I'm like, oh, whatever, fuck it, like you know,
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: but for the first time, I'm like, oh, I really
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: like somebody, is this ever gonna happen again?
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: And I'm like they get along with my family this.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: And ever, you know, because being in the South, like
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: finally someone that is gay that you can actually go
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: and hang out with them and it's cool and it's
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: fun and you get to not hide or like have
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: to be like, oh, we're just friends, which is such bullshit.
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: And it's I'm in this moment where I'm like, oh,
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: my gosh, I actually care. And I've never felt like insecure,
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: like nervous or worried about different things because most of
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: the time I'm like, oh, I'm just gonna like kick
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: us in my job. I've got stuff to do, like,
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: and it's like where is my confidence? And then I
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: hear the people make comments, and then you look at
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: stuff and you're like, am I crazy?
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: Or is this like as good?
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: What do you mean?
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: You hear other people make comments.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: Like when we'll go like we've hung out with a
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: couple of her friends and they'll mention her being bisexual
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: or be like pick your like we'll say something about
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: like men or bring it up, and then I feel
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: like I get a little bit true because I'm like,
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: oh my gosh, is that something that she still wants?
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, wait, what that? And it's not her
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: making the comment, so I'm like, why am I making
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: as in my head she's literally not even doing it.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: And then after as just like I'd like that's just stupid,
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: Like why do we worry about it?
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: Because she has other shit to do too, you know.
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: So I think kind of dealing with stuff with like
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: this here and everything everything has me a birthday looking
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: at what's going on in the world. I'm like, this
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: is too good to be true in these times, which
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: is terrible.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: But that's just when those feelings come up. I think
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: it's really important in that moment if you can, Like obviously,
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: if you're out with her friends and they say something
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: like that, you're not gonna go get at your journal
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: out but yes, yeah, I'm so sorry, But but I
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: think it's important to clock those moments, especially when you're
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: alone and your mind starts to go. Even if you're
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: lying down and going to sleep and your mind is spinning,
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: it's important to just like get up, write it down,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: go this is how I'm feeling. This is what triggered it,
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: what happened. Maybe it's nothing, Maybe it's just you and
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: your you know, going through your thoughts at the end
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: of the day. But like identifying the times when you
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: start to feel that way and what what triggers it.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: Like for that example, it's perfect, that girl saying that
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: triggered you. But then you get into your real self
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: and you and you know, wait, this has nothing to
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: do with me. You didn't say it, They said it,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: you know, like it's not real. Again, it's part of
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: a conversation. But I think if you write those things
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: down and you recognize the pattern, it's easier to shift
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: and pivot the pattern, and it's easier to remind yourself
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: you're safe. You're in a great relationship and a loving relationship,
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: you have a job. Like, everything's okay. There's nothing for
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: you to feel that way about. I mean, everything's that okay.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: The world's about to fucking end. But in your personal life,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: everything is okay, right, Yeah, things are stable, Things are stable,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, I mean I have to do that
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: all the time. I'm like, you're safe. I have this
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: gratitude journal on my phone and I'm like, you are safe.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Like I get so wrapped up in the news and
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: everything that's happening, and I have to remind myself, Okay,
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: you know you're safe, you're happy, you have people who
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: love you, you're protected, you know, like all of the
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: things to remind yourself that, like, there is no point
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: in losing your shit over something. It just takes time
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: away from happiness and joyfulness.
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: Right now and this climate, well everything is just like
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: I want to be intentional about it, you know, And
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: it's likely if I'm wasting my attention on something, it
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: better be like marching in the street, you know what
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: I mean. Like, I don't want to waste it on
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: something that's not real.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: And it's also just differentiating the things that you can
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: have control over and the things that you can't. I
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: went to bed last night and I read this synopsis
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: about AI that was so dark and so scary, and
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: I was like, I obviously shouldn't read that before I
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: go to bed, but I shouldn't do half the things
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: I do before I go to bed. And I was like, Okay,
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: I can either choose to be freaked out about what
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: could potentially happen that I have absolutely no control over
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: or I can just be present and be loving and
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: be kind and enjoy myself while before AI kills us all,
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, let's focus on the
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: moment that you're in and remember to focus on the
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: moment you're in, and when you get out of that moment,
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: because you're not present, you know what I mean, and
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: your thoughts are racing, and so you have to try
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: to get back into the present moment. And if it's
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: happening at night when you're sleeping, literally write down what
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: you feel white like if something triggered it, and then
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: think about the things that do make you feel good,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: you know, focus your attention and intention on the things
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: that are good in your life and all of the
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: things that you can control.
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: And then by the way, that just makes you a
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: more attractive person all the way around. Do you know
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: what I mean?
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: No, for sure, I don't know. It's just been a
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: weird time. It's a fine time right now, you know,
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: I mean, I hate today. It's just a weird time
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: to just kind of be I understand through stuff and
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: everything feels like a problem and it's you know, there
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: are so many good things that feel good about and
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: be happy.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: But I mean, like you said so many positive things already.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: You said you have a long distance relationship that's even
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: better than you expected. Like that's a victory that you're
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: having a good reaction to it. That's a sign of maturity,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: a sign of independence, you know. Like, that's that's good
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: that you feel that way. You're in a loving relationship
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: with someone you're in love with that you want to
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: spend the rest of your life with. That's a good thing.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: You have all these good things in your life, Like
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: fucking focus on them for sure.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you so much for calling in, and thanks
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: for calling in. Yeah, thanks you, guys, Kristen, see you guys. Okay,
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: all right, Chelsea, We're gonna wrap up with a quickie
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: that I feel like only you can answer. So doctor
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Amy says, dear Chelsea. I'm endlessly impressed with your ability
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: to bring awareness and humor to the issues which continue
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: to oppress and annoy women, particularly men, and open toad shoes.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: I find feet in general pretty revolting, and I think
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: that people should wear clothsed toed shoes at all times,
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: with rare exceptions. This view is not only for esthetics.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: But for safety. I'm a veterinarian with a small goat farm,
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: so nowhere in my world would exposed toes be a
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: good idea. As a female veterinarian, I'm often in situations
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: where I'm treated with less respect than my male counterparts.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: It's not uncommon to enter an exam room and have
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: a client wearing flip flops sitting down with their terrified
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: dog hiding between their legs under the chair. This is
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: a particular type of male client who will just sit
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: there completely unhelpful, while I'm on my hands and knees
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: trying to coax their dog out of their cratch, and
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: can currently gagging at the sight of their nasty exposed feet.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: I'm also at a point in my career where I'm
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: often working with young veterinarians eighty five or eighty percent
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: of whom are female. I try to lead by example
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: on how to handle microaggressions and gender disparities. Regarding the
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: fit situation. I have always just sucked it up, but
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: I don't want that for the younger generations. Do you
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: think there's anything I can do differently? Sincerely, Doctor Amy.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Doctor Amy. Put a sign outside your office that
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: says footwear required, full footwear required, no open toed shoes.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: And while I understand a lot of people go to
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: the vet in an emergency situation, like that's okay, you're
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: putting the message out there. You're putting the message out there.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: They're still going to get serviced. But we've crossed full
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: foot coverage. There's nothing wrong with putting that on a
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: sign or we appreciate full foot coverage. We appreciate full
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: So it's more of a suggest for safety. Yeah, for safety.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: And I think with the you know, when you have
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: to coax the dog up, that is something like you
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: let the owner do. Just ask them straight up, like hey,
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: can you get your dog to come over here so
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: we can lift them up on the table or whatever,
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: But make that the owner's responsibility to get the dog
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: out from where they are. And I mean, I think
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: ninety nine percent of people will comply. They're just like
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: not thinking straight to like move their dog for you.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: So I would just say like, yeah, can you bring
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: your dog out and then we can get them on
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: the table. But yeah, I think we agree with doctor Amy.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: I think closed toad shoes, especially on men, is is ideal.
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: I had I was at a ski lodge, like a
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Helly ski lodge a couple of weeks ago, and there
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: was a couple there that I was like, really, we
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: were hanging out with it, and they were really cute
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: and we had a good time with them. But the
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: man did wear flip flops at a ski lodge and
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: I had to look away, and I was like, all right,
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: this guy's going to get a pass because, like you know,
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: is you're having a good time, I worry. I we're
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: having a good time. And I liked him. I didn't
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: want to brade him, but you know, I try to
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: pick and choose my moments, but it was like, we're
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: at a Helli ski lodge the time you want to
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: break out your flip flops.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there is always there is like a weird thing
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: where it doesn't matter how cold it is outside, even
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: in the Midwest or Northeast, like there will be a
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: white man in shorts and flip flops, Like somewhere there
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: will be it doesn't matter if it's twenty below.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: I who ever came up with flip flops needs to
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: get sued, and I should be the one. I believe
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: in it. I believe in it.
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: I think you should.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, Well, that's all for this week. All right, bye, guys,
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: see you next week.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: If you want advice from Chelsea, right into Dear Chelsea
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: of iHeartMedia. Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: and find Catherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Catherine Law.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: Find full video episodes and many pisodes now on Netflix,
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: and get tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahanler dot
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: com