Latest / Rising Above The Mud / S1:E6 | The Lotus 3-2-1 Sunset Routine: A Step-by-Step Evening Exit Strategy for Busy Minds

Transcript

S1:E6 | The Lotus 3-2-1 Sunset Routine: A Step-by-Step Evening Exit Strategy for Busy Minds · Rising Above The Mud

0:14
Wellness isn't just about what you produce while you're awake,
0:18
it's fundamentally dictated by how you recover while you sleep.
0:23
True high performance is a rhythm.
0:26
It's not a constant Sprint. Welcome back to the show,
0:30
everyone. If you're listening to this
0:33
right now, chances are you've fallen into the trap of
0:37
measuring your worth by the length of your To Do List.
0:42
We live in a culture that glorifies the grind, that treats
0:46
burnout like a badge of honor and looks at sleep as a luxury
0:51
for the week. But today, we're flipping that
0:54
script entirely. We're going to talk about why
0:58
your ability to conquer the day is completely dependent on your
1:02
willingness to surrender to the night.
1:06
To understand this, I want you to picture a Lotus flower.
1:10
In many cultures, the Lotus is a symbol of purity, resilience,
1:15
and beauty. It grows in Muddy Waters, yet
1:19
emerges pristine. But there is a biological wonder
1:23
to the Lotus that we often overlook as the sunsets.
1:27
The Lotus doesn't just stay open, braving the elements, it
1:32
closes its petals up tight. It recedes beneath the water's
1:36
surface. Now, if you didn't know any
1:38
better, you might look at that closed flower and think it's
1:42
failing. You might think it's weak or
1:45
unproductive or hiding. But that retreat is a biological
1:51
necessity, just like it is for us.
1:54
By closing up at night, the Lotus protects its core from the
1:58
drop in temperature and potential predators.
2:02
It metabolizes nutrients. It consolidated its energy.
2:07
It undergoes A profound internal restoration.
2:12
The Lotus doesn't recede out of weakness.
2:15
It recedes so it can survive. It closes at night precisely so
2:21
it has the strength to bloom again the next morning.
2:25
You and I are no different from the Lotus, yet we expect
2:29
ourselves to stay in a state of perpetual bloom.
2:33
We pull late nights, we stare at blue screens until midnight, and
2:38
then we wonder why our petals are wilting by 2:00 PM the next
2:42
day. If you want to achieve elite
2:45
levels of output, health and mental clarity, you have to
2:50
master the art of the clothes. So how do we build a life that
2:55
honors this rhythm? That is exactly what we're
2:59
breaking down over the next 30 minutes.
3:03
First, we're going to dive deep into the hidden anatomy of a
3:06
good night's sleep. We'll look at what actually
3:09
happens to your body when you drift off, and why hours spent
3:13
in bed don't always equal quality recovery.
3:19
Then we'll look at the chemistry of stress We're going to expose
3:23
the silent tug of war happening inside your brain between
3:27
staying wired and getting tired, and how our modern devices pull
3:33
the strings. After that, I'm going to share a
3:37
double case study from my own practice, this time real world
3:41
coaching breakthroughs with an ER manager and a high achieving
3:45
high schooler, both of whom had to re engineer their
3:48
relationship with the night. And finally, we'll wrap up with
3:54
something you can use tonight, a practical step by step evening
3:58
exit strategy designed to help you shut down your mind, protect
4:03
your core, and prepare for your next bloom.
4:07
It's time to stop sprinting and start flowing.
4:11
Let's dive in. Now that we've established why
4:21
we need to learn to close up and recharge, let's talk about what
4:25
actually happens when we shut things down for the night.
4:29
If you've ever looked up how to sleep better, you've probably
4:32
run into the same old generic advice.
4:36
Make your room pitch black. Keep the thermostat low.
4:40
Put your phone away. Look, that stuff is fine.
4:44
It's basic maintenance, but it treats sleep like a light switch
4:48
you just flip off at night. True high performance requires
4:53
you to look past the basic checklist and understand that
4:56
sleep is a beautifully designed rhythm.
5:00
It isn't just a big block of blank empty time.
5:05
Your mind and body are actually moving through predictable 90
5:09
minute waves all night long, doing heavy duty restoration
5:13
work while you dripped off. Every night you cycle through
5:17
these waves, and two specific stages during those 90 minutes
5:23
are your absolute best weapons against burnout.
5:26
The 1st is deep sleep. This is your body's physical
5:30
reset button. Think of your brain as a packed
5:34
high stress work day, like a busy corporate office.
5:39
People are rushing around, papers are flying, coffee cups
5:43
are piling up, and by 5:00 PM the place is a total mess in the
5:50
brain. Your cells are creating actual
5:53
physical waste and mental clutter just from the sheer
5:57
effort of thinking and working. When you're awake, you don't
6:01
have the time or energy to clean it up.
6:04
But when you fall into deep sleep, your brain turns on its
6:09
nightly cleaning crew. Your brain cells literally make
6:13
space so a wave of protective fluid can rush through the
6:17
tissue. Acting like a high pressure
6:19
dishwasher. It scrubs away the toxic debris
6:23
and mental fog from the day. If you want to wake up feeling
6:28
sharp and clear, you need that nightly rinse.
6:33
But the night isn't done. After deep sleep, you transition
6:37
into REM sleep, which is when you dream.
6:42
If deep sleep is a physical rinse for your body, REM sleep
6:47
is an overnight therapy session for your emotions.
6:51
During R.E.M., your brain actually fires up and goes to
6:55
work. It takes all of the stressful,
6:58
messy events of your day, strips away the painful emotional
7:02
sting, and files them away neatly into your memory bank.
7:07
It's the place where your brain connects the dots and solves
7:11
problems, which is why you often wake up knowing exactly what to
7:15
do about a situation that felt impossible the night before.
7:20
REM sleep is what keeps you emotionally steady and
7:24
creatively alive. But here's where we completely
7:29
sabotage our own rhythm. So many high achievers tell me
7:35
but I'm in bed for 8 hours, why do I still feel completely
7:39
exhausted? Because time in bed doesn't
7:44
equate to actual recovery. When you introduce alcohol, high
7:49
stress, or late night screen time into the mix, you
7:53
completely shatter those 90 minute waves.
7:57
Alcohol, for instance, might knock you out, but it
8:00
aggressively locks you out of your dreaming sleep.
8:04
Stress and anxiety cut off your deep sleep, so you might log 8
8:10
hours on your smartwatch, but your internal cleaning crew
8:14
never showed up and you skipped your emotional therapy session.
8:18
You didn't actually sleep, you were just knocked out and you
8:22
wake up feeling heavy, reactive, and brittle.
8:29
So why do we keep doing this to ourselves?
8:32
Why do we constantly ruin our own rest?
8:36
It usually comes down to something called revenge.
8:39
Bedtime procrastination. Think about your day.
8:44
You wake up early. You answer to your boss, your
8:48
clients, your kids, your schedule.
8:51
Every single hour belongs to someone else's agenda.
8:55
By the time 10:00 PM rolls around, you're completely
8:58
drained. Instead of turning out the
9:01
lights, you sit on the couch, You scroll social media, you
9:06
watch TV shows you don't really care about, or you shop online.
9:10
Why? Because late at night is the
9:13
only time you feel in control of your own life.
9:17
It's your little act of revenge against a day that stole your
9:20
freedom. You stay up late because you
9:24
desperately want to claim a few hours just for yourself, and
9:29
it's a completely normal human reaction.
9:32
But here's the truth. The person you're taking revenge
9:36
on isn't your boss, your job, or your responsibilities.
9:41
The person you end up punishing is the version of you that has
9:45
to wake up tomorrow. You're stealing your own ability
9:49
to bloom. To understand how we get trapped
10:02
in this cycle, we have to take a look at a silent, invisible
10:05
battle happening inside your body every single day.
10:09
I call it the circadian tug of war, and the two main players
10:14
are cortisol and melatonin. Think of these two as the
10:19
ultimate opposing forces on your internal clock.
10:24
Cortisol is your gas pedal. It's your alertness and stress
10:28
hormone. In a perfect world, your body
10:31
releases a massive wave of cortisol right when you wake up
10:35
in the morning to get you moving.
10:37
It keeps you sharp, focused, and ready to tackle your day.
10:42
Throughout the day, that wave naturally starts to recede.
10:46
By the time the sun goes down, cortisol should be at its
10:50
absolute lowest and handing the baton to its partner, melatonin.
10:56
Melatonin is your biological brake pedal.
11:00
It's the hormone of rest and darkness.
11:03
It doesn't actually knock you out, but it does act like a
11:07
quiet evening announcer, whispering to your entire system
11:12
that it's time to slow down, dim the lights, and start the deep
11:17
sleep pathways we talked about earlier.
11:22
When you're healthy and balanced, this 24 hour curve is
11:27
a beautiful dance. One goes up and the other goes
11:31
down. But for most high achievers, we
11:35
don't live in a perfect world. We live in a world that keeps
11:39
our feet glued to the gas pedal, creating what I like to call the
11:43
wired but tired trap. You know exactly what that feels
11:48
like. It's 10:00 PM.
11:50
You're physically exhausted. Your eyes are heavy, your body
11:54
feels like lead. But the second your head hits
11:57
the pillow, your brain is spinning at 1,000,000 miles an
12:01
hour. You're exhausted, but you can't
12:04
shut off. Why does this happen?
12:07
Because you've accidentally kept your cortisol levels
12:10
artificially high right when they should be hitting rock
12:14
bottom. When you sit in your bed working
12:17
late, staring at blue enriched LED screens or looping through
12:22
stressful thoughts about tomorrow's To Do List, your
12:25
brain gets completely confused. It doesn't see a modern
12:30
professional trying to get ahead.
12:33
It sees something completely different.
12:36
And this brings us to a massive biological illusion.
12:42
Your primitive brain, the part of your biology that hasn't
12:45
changed in thousands of years, does not understand what a
12:50
smartphone is. It doesn't know what an e-mail
12:54
or a Slack message means to your ancient biology.
12:59
A 10:00 PM Slack message from your boss or a messy spreadsheet
13:04
triggers the exact same stress response as a predator tracking
13:10
you outside a Cape. When you feel that spike of
13:13
panic or urgency late at night, your brain registers it as
13:17
actual physical danger. It thinks we are being hunted
13:23
and we are not safe. And biologically speaking, the
13:28
absolute last thing you want to do when a predator is outside
13:32
your cave is to fall into a deep, heavy sleep.
13:37
So your brain pumps out more cortisol to keep you hyper alert
13:40
and alive. And because cortisol is winning
13:44
the tug of war, it completely blocks the release of melatonin.
13:49
Your brain literally cannot initiate the pathways to deep
13:53
sleep because it's too busy trying to keep you safe from a
13:57
perceived threat. You aren't broken and you don't
14:01
just suck at sleeping. Your body is doing exactly what
14:06
it's designed to do, keeping you awake in a state of danger.
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The problem is, the danger is just a notification on a screen.
14:26
Before we jump into today's case study, I want to take 30 seconds
14:31
to thank someone from our community.
14:33
I read every review you send in. This week's review comes from C
14:38
Finn. They shared Melissa has an
14:42
incredible way of blending evidence based insights with
14:46
personal stories that makes me feel like she's speaking
14:49
directly to my soul. I've listened to the same
14:53
episode 3 times and each time it hit me differently and gave me
14:57
something new to reflect on. Her words stay with me long
15:01
after an episode ends. Every week I find myself waiting
15:06
for Thursday at 6:00 AM ready for the next one.
15:09
She's that good. Stephen, thank you for sharing
15:14
that with us. Your words mean so much and I
15:17
really appreciate you. Do you want to shout out on the
15:20
show? Go to Apple Podcasts or Spotify,
15:24
leave a five star rating and tell us which Daily Tool is
15:27
helping your mind right now. I read every note.
15:32
Now let's head back to the studio and look at today's
15:34
client case study. Now that we understand the
15:39
science of this internal tug of war, I want to show you what
15:43
this actually looks like in real life.
15:46
We aren't just talking about abstract concepts here.
15:49
This effects people at completely different stages of
15:52
life. Today I want to take you inside
15:56
2 very different case studies from my practice to show just
16:01
how sneaky this burnout loop can be and exactly how we broke it.
16:06
So let's start with Julian. Julian is an emergency
16:10
department nurse manager. As you can imagine, his days are
16:15
an absolute whirlwind. He's dealing with back-to-back
16:19
operational demands, patient safety metrics, and constant
16:24
staffing shortages. By the time 10:00 PM rolled
16:27
around, he was so drained he could literally crash into the
16:31
bed from pure exhaustion. But here was Julian's nightmare.
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Without fail, every night he would wake up at 2:00 or 3:00 AM
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with his mind racing at 1,000,000 miles an hour, and the
16:45
very first thing he did, he'd grab his phone.
16:49
He'd check the hospital's internal dashboard, answer
16:52
urgent emails and review shift schedules.
16:57
When Julian came to me, he thought he just had some sort of
17:00
sleep disorder. But when we looked at his
17:04
behavior, things became more clear.
17:07
Julian's brain had accidentally associated his mattress with a
17:12
high stakes emergency room. Because he stayed wired to his
17:17
phone right up until lights out, his fight or flight nervous
17:20
system stayed on high alert. That 3:00 AM waking wasn't an
17:25
accident, it was a panic driven cortisol spike.
17:30
His primitive brain was treating hospital logistics like an
17:34
active medical emergency in the middle of the night.
17:38
To fix this, we used a few core concepts from cognitive
17:42
behavioral therapy for insomnia and we built 3 strict rules.
17:49
First, we built a physical wall between the hospital and home.
17:54
Julian instituted a non negotiable rule.
17:58
His work phone stayed charging in the kitchen, completely out
18:02
of the bedroom. Due to his job responsibilities,
18:06
he needed to be accessible for extreme emergencies, so we
18:10
decided the ringer would remain on full volume to ensure he
18:13
would still be able to hear a critical call.
18:16
If it came through, he would then answer the call in the
18:20
kitchen, no exceptions. Second, we used a tool called
18:25
stimulus control. I told Julian if you're awake in
18:30
bed for more than 20 minutes, you have to physically get out
18:34
of bed. He had to go sit in a dimly lit
18:37
living room and read a fiction book until his eyelids felt
18:41
heavy. This broke the neurological link
18:44
between his bed and his work stress.
18:47
The bed is only for sleep, not for administrative panic.
18:52
Finally, we created the Clinical Handover journal.
18:57
Before leaving the hospital or shutting down his desk at 6:00
19:00
PM, Julian wrote a formal shift handoff note to himself.
19:06
He wrote down every pending crisis and tomorrow's To Do
19:10
List, externalizing it so his brain didn't feel the need to
19:14
carry it overnight. Within just a few weeks, Julian
19:18
stopped waking up in the middle of the night.
19:21
He gave his brain permission to stand down.
19:26
But burnout doesn't just hit high-powered corporate or
19:29
medical executives. It hits our kids too.
19:33
Let's talk about Kenley. Kenley is a 17 year old high
19:37
school junior. She's an absolute rock star,
19:40
taking multiple AP classes, playing competitive soccer, and
19:45
of course, trying to maintain a vibrant social life.
19:49
But her parents noticed a scary shift.
19:52
Kenley was becoming increasingly irritable, and her grade started
19:56
slipping. Even though she went to her room
19:59
at 10:00 PM, she couldn't actually fall asleep until 1:30
20:03
AM. Kenley was trapped in two
20:06
distinct behavioral quicksand pockets.
20:09
Academically, she was using her bed as a study desk and
20:13
rewriting history notes under bright bedroom lights.
20:17
Socially, she was suffering from intense FOMO.
20:21
Fear of missing out. Once the lights went out, she'd
20:25
hide under the covers, scrolling TikTok and replying to group
20:28
chats. That bright blue enriched LED
20:33
light from her phone was completely wiping out her
20:36
natural melatonin surge, which biologically speaking, already
20:41
happens later in teenagers than it does in adults.
20:45
We had to design a family centric strategy to help Kenley
20:49
reclaim her sleep without making her feel isolated.
20:54
Step one was the bedroom sanctuary rule.
20:57
Kenley agreed to stop doing homework on her bed.
21:01
She shifted her study space entirely to the dining room
21:04
table, re establishing the bed as a place reserved strictly for
21:09
rest. Step 2 was the 9:30 PM tech
21:14
curfew. To lower the social friction of
21:18
missing out, Kenley and her parents created a household
21:21
phone garage in the hallway at 9:30 PM.
21:26
Everyone, parents included, park their devices for the night.
21:31
If everyone is offline, there's no FOMO.
21:35
Finally, we built a wind down bridge.
21:38
Kenley replaced her late night scrolling with audiobooks or
21:42
guided mindfulness tracks played through an old school screenless
21:47
MP3 player. The results were life changing
21:51
for her. Within a single month, the time
21:55
it took Kenley to fall asleep dropped from three hours to just
21:58
20 minutes. Her irritability banished, her
22:02
focus returned and she had the emotional resilience to tackle
22:07
her busy days again. Whether you're an emergency
22:21
department manager like Julian or a high achieving student like
22:26
Kenley, the lesson is exactly the same.
22:30
Your environment and your evening behaviors dictate your
22:35
biological response. So how do we convince our
22:38
primitive brains that The Cave is safe?
22:42
How do we signal that it's OK to finally drop the cortisol and
22:47
let the melatonin take over? How do you take all of this
22:51
insight and turn it into a bulletproof routine?
22:54
Tonight, to help you master the art of the clothes and protect
22:58
your rhythm, I want to introduce you to a highly structured
23:02
countdown system. I call it the 321 Sunset
23:08
Routine. This isn't just another random
23:12
checklist of sleep tips. This is a behavioral system
23:16
designed to naturally cue your brain to drop cortisol, trigger
23:21
melatonin production, and build a psychological buffer zone
23:26
between the chaos of your day and the peace of your night.
23:31
Let's break down how it works. Starting three hours before your
23:35
head hits the pillow, 3 hours before bed is all about
23:41
metabolic rest. This is your cut off time for
23:45
heavy meals and for those of age, alcohol.
23:49
I know it's tempting to grab a late dinner after a grueling
23:53
work day or pour a glass of wine to take the edge off, but
23:57
biologically you're throwing a wrench into your system.
24:02
For your brain to transition into deep, slow wave sleep, your
24:07
core body temperature has to drop by two to three degrees.
24:12
When you eat a heavy meal right before bed, your body has to
24:16
divert massive amounts of energy and blood flow to your stomach
24:20
to digest that food. Digestion is an active process
24:24
that actually raises your core body temperature.
24:29
So while you may fall asleep, your body is internally
24:32
overheating, which directly conflicts with the natural
24:36
temperature drop off required for deep sleep.
24:40
The result? You miss out on that deep
24:43
physical cleaning cycle we talked about.
24:46
Put the kitchen to sleep. 3 hours before you go to sleep. 2
24:51
hours before bed is all about cognitive rest.
24:56
This is when you shut down work laptops, close out the emails,
25:01
and stop all the high stress brain activity.
25:05
No more checking project boards, no more drafting.
25:08
One last response. Your brain is not an app you can
25:13
force quit. It is an engine that needs time
25:18
to cool down. If you're actively solving high
25:21
stakes problems right up until 10:00 PM, your brain stays in a
25:26
state of hyper vigilance. Two hours before bed, you need
25:31
to transition from solving problems to processing the day.
25:36
This is the perfect window to use Julian's trick.
25:40
Write out your shift hand off. Note to yourself.
25:43
Dump your tasks, anxieties, and tomorrow's schedule onto a piece
25:48
of paper so your brain doesn't feel obligated to keep looping
25:52
through them all night. Signal to your mind that the
25:56
work day is officially done. One hour before bed is all about
26:04
sensory and circadian rest. This is the final stretch, and
26:09
it's the most critical. One hour before bed, the
26:14
overhead lights go off and screens get parked in their
26:17
charging stations outside of the bedroom.
26:21
Remember, your primitive brain relies entirely on environmental
26:26
cues to know what time it is. If you have bright LED lights
26:31
shining directly into your eyes from your ceiling or your
26:34
smartphone, your brain genuinely believes it's 12:00 PM on a
26:39
sunny day. To fix this, you need to mimic a
26:44
natural sunset. Switch off the harsh overhead
26:48
lights and turn on warm, low level lighting.
26:51
Think floor lamps, candlelight or amber bulbs.
26:56
Keep the light physically low to the ground, which signals to
27:00
your pineal gland that the sun has gone down.
27:04
Spend this last hour doing analog activities.
27:08
Read a fiction book, do some light stretching, listen to
27:12
music or talk with your partner. When you remove the sensory
27:16
overload and dim your environment, you give your body
27:20
the green light to flood your system with melatonin, smoothly
27:24
launching you into those deep 90 minute sleep waves.
27:29
Please take a moment to download the Episode Companion Worksheet
27:32
to help you work through these steps.
27:34
You can find the link in the episode summary or at
27:38
www.lotus-anddashlight-coaching.com. Navigate over to the Rising
27:50
Above the Mud podcast page and you'll see the link listed under
27:54
Season 1, Episode 6. If there is one primary truth I
28:10
want you to carry away from our conversation today, it's this.
28:15
Your capacity to impact the world tomorrow depends entirely
28:20
on your willingness to withdraw from it tonight.
28:25
In a world that constantly demands that you be on, choosing
28:29
to disconnect can feel like a radical act.
28:33
You might feel a pang of guilt when you put the phone away or
28:37
shut down the laptop early. But remember, our friend the
28:41
Lotus flower, closing your pedals is not a sign of
28:44
weakness, it isn't a waste of time, and it isn't an
28:50
intermission from your life. It is an active, strategic
28:55
choice for long term growth. It is the very thing that
29:01
secures your next breakthrough. When we trick ourselves into
29:06
believing that our personal value is only tied to our
29:09
endless output, we fall right into the trap of hustle culture.
29:14
I'm reminded of a profound quote by author Heather Archer from
29:19
her fantastic book The Grind Culture Detox.
29:23
She writes it disrupts grind culture spinning wheels.
29:28
There is power in the slowdown. When you rest, you self reflect.
29:33
And when you self reflect, you begin to question, which in turn
29:38
disrupts the culture of grinding.
29:41
Let that sink in as you wind down.
29:43
Tonight, you don't have to earn your rest.
29:47
It is a fundamental need. Try the 321 routine tonight.
29:53
Give your body the metabolic, cognitive and sensory rest it
29:58
deserves. Take care of your night and
30:01
tomorrow will take care of itself.
30:05
Next week, we're diving straight into another pillar of high
30:09
performance health. In Season 1, Episode 7, we're
30:14
going to talk about fueling the engine under pressure.
30:18
We'll break down exactly how to maintain clean energy, sharp
30:23
focus, and gut health. When your schedule is absolutely
30:27
redlined and you're living out of suitcases or back-to-back
30:30
meetings, you won't want to miss it.
30:34
Thank you so much for listening. If this episode helped you
30:38
rethink your relationship with REST, share it with a friend who
30:41
needs to hear it and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or
30:45
Spotify. Until then, give yourself
30:49
permission to close your pedals tonight.
30:51
Remember, no mud, no Lotus. Keep rising and I'll see you
30:57
next week.