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Curiosity Is a Compass · Many Things with Steph Libby

Welcome back to Many Things.
I am Steph, I'm multi-passionate, and I'm building my dream life one step at a time, and this is the podcast where I talk about all of it.
I consider myself to be a really curious person.
A lifelong learner is how I often describe myself.
I love I love a good deep dive, I love a good rabbit hole.
I love an eight-part limited series.
I love hearing two sides of an issue.
I love a museum, a science center, a tourist center.
I love a good mystery.
I love a good conspiracy theory, like the ones that are somewhat based in reality and not the random QAnon disinformation kind of stuff.
I think a lot of multi-passionate people are innately curious people.
It's our superpower.
We want to know everything: history, arts, politics, culture, entertainment, crime, anything.
I think most people have lost their sense of curiosity, and that's particularly sad to me.
Curiosity and education, to me, is at the center of the human experience, and I think curiosity and education are the key to solving a lot of the world's problems.
Because if we were all just a little more curious and valued experiences outside of our own and were willing to learn and adopt practices or philosophies, or at the very least, just have a little more appreciation and understanding of the world and learn from past mistakes instead of bullheadedly repeating them, I think the world would be a lot better off.
In my experience, curious people often tend to be empathetic.
They tend to be good listeners.
They're often diplomatic.
They wanna understand other people's experiences.
They tend to be open-minded.
I can get so wrapped up in my own life and my own endeavors and dreams that I sometimes feel like I lose sight of my curiosity.
Growing up, I thought all people were curious in the same way I am.
I thought it was just human nature, and I suppose to some extent it is, but to a larger extent, I find that people are just not very curious.
Um, I was watching Succession a few weeks ago, and there's this character, cannot remember her name now, but she, um, dates Roman, one of the, the, um, Roy siblings.
And He asks her, you know, "You never ask about work, you never ask about anything about me," and she responds by saying, "I guess I'm just pathologically uncurious."
And I feel like that's how a lot of people kind of go through life, just, like, not curious at all.
Um, I'm perplexed by that.
Like, I don't understand it.
I don't get it.
That seems like such a boring existence to me, and maybe it's because most of my life I've been surrounded by, you know, equally curious people, people like my dad, who is always learning about local history, and my friends who question authority and always seem to be picking up a new hobby or skill or starting a new business venture.
I can't even imagine how boring it must be to not be curious about this big world, this stupefying universe that we live in.
Growing up, people used to say, "Curiosity killed the cat," and it was supposed to deter us, um, as kids from being nosy and asking too many questions, and I just never bought into that.
Anyone who said that to me, I instantly kind of withdrew from.
Even as a kid, it just didn't sit right with me, and I was a really obedient kid, but...
And so I wasn't, like, defiant, but I was precocious.
I was curious.
I was inquisitive.
I liked to explore.
I liked to learn new things.
Um, I liked to be exposed to a lot of different things and decide for myself if it was the right thing for me.
Um, when I was younger, my mom used to get really frustrated with me because I was always starting different sports or trying different things, and nothing ever felt quite right.
Like, I tried to join an art club, and it, like, wasn't for me.
I didn't really like just spending all my time drawing.
Um, we had, like, an afterschool program where you would, like, kind of rotate around, and I enjoyed the rotation of it even when I didn't, like, necessarily like the thing I was rotated into.
But they had all these different things, uh, all these different kind of, like, afterschool activities you could do and, you know, one time they were like...
It was, like, a coding class, and then they'd rotate you into an art club, and then they'd rotate you into, you know, like, a science club or whatever.
It was just, like, every few weeks you'd kind of move and do different activities with different focuses.
Um, and I liked that, and I could never really stick with, with anything.
Um, the only thing I ever really stuck with and committed to was writing.
Um, we would You know, there were times where I would try different sports, and I would get into it a few weeks, and I'd just go like, "No, this is, like, not for me.
I'm not having a good time."
And I guess there's a part of me...
Maybe it would've been better if my parents had just, like, f- let me, like forced me to stay doing some of those things that I didn't like instead of, like, quitting.
But I also felt like it was a waste of time to just continue to do something you didn't enjoy, that, like, life is too short for that, and childhood is too short for that.
And, um, why keep playing basketball when, like, I'm miserable, my team's miserable because I suck? Like, what am...
I don't know.
There's, was just a part of me, like, as a kid I was just like, I get the whole, like, don't be a quitter thing, but there's also, I don't quit the things that I really enjoy.
I don't know.
It seemed stupid to me as a kid to just, like, keep enduring for the sake of enduring.
I don't know.
But now I look back as an adult and go maybe, maybe it would've been good if I was force myself to endure things I didn't like very much just to, like, finish stuff and get to the other side.
But that's for another episode.
Um- But the point is that, that I would always try different things, and I always thought that was a good thing.
I liked that I was open-minded and open to trying new things and seeing if it was a good fit.
A lot of the people around me, though, seemed to constantly wanna, like force me to stay and force me to feel content with, with things that like I thought that it was good that it was curiosity, but it always seemed to me like it was a bad thing to want to keep exploring, and playing, and figuring out, and trying different things.
It was, it was almost like at a certain point you needed to know what it was that you wanted to do.
It was strange to me, like, as a high school, you know, senior that you had to basically, like, declare a major at some of these places and figure out exactly what you wanted to do with your life.
It's like I'm 17, 18, like, I just learned how to drive.
Like, how am I, like, supposed to be figuring out my entire life? I'm just gonna be getting to a point where I have, like, any freedom of choice rather than living under my parents' thumb and under teachers' thumbs and really actually have choice.
And it just seemed like you were immediately not supposed to be curious.
You just needed to, like, make a decision, and I...
It was just, like, so weird to me.
I mean, I knew I wanted to write.
I loved writing, but I didn't, I didn't necessarily know what that meant or what direction that was gonna take me and, and all of that.
But I don't know.
I've just always been really curious, and I've always wondered if part of my curiosity comes from, like, not being religious.
I don't believe in a creator.
I believe in science and chaos and the randomness of existence.
And life has been tough lately, and things have felt very out of control, and so I've been thinking about the randomness of life in the you know? Um, and there's something oddly comforting to me thinking about how all life in the universe was created by a random combination of atoms and gases and elements.
In times like this, I think a lot of people find religion because it provides a sense of, a sense of security and calm, and you get to live with this idea of a greater master plan so that, you know, oh, there's, like, a method to the madness.
There's, like, an end, an end game to this nonsense, you know? It just gives a lot of comfort.
And that's fine for some people, and they always could be right, and I could be wrong, or I could be right, and they could be wrong.
Or maybe we're both wrong.
Who knows? But my point is, I think it's really interesting that a situation that would normally push people to seek order and pushes me more toward chaos and disorder, um, it's just...
It, I guess it just makes me feel less alone.
It reminds me that everything is random and nothing is necessarily personal.
It's a random happenstance.
It can be a very depressing thought.
I get that.
Um, but I guess in some ways I also find it to be really freeing.
I don't really have control over much of anything in my life.
I can try as hard as I can, and life can still pummel me with hard times.
It sounds awful, like I know, um, but on the flip side of that I think that It means that, like, maybe I don't have to have as much control over everything, that, like, there's still that thing of, like, everything's gonna happen for a reason, even if there's not, like, a greater plan to it, like a creator master plan.
I do think that, like, we experience stuff in life that is chaotic and random, and we are meant to learn from it and grow from it and take those learnings to the next thing that we experience in life.
I don't...
But I don't think there's anybody, like, pulling the strings and saying, like, "Stephanie needs to experience this thing right now for this thing later on."
I don't think there's any plan like that.
I just think that, um, you know, stuff happens, and you can only control what you can control, and you have to sort of let go of the rest.
And, and maybe that is, like, the great human experien- experiment, is just, like, learning about control and learning about how fragile human life is and how uh, random life is, and that life is chaos, and that you just gotta, like, dodge the bullets as they come, you know? And I don't know, for some reason, I find that...
Maybe it's, like, this inner goth girl or something inside of me, like, trying to get out, but it's just, I- there's something about that that I find peaceful and comforting in the same way that other people find comfort in religion.
I think knowing that hard times are just hard times feels, I don't know, universal, I guess, to me.
Um, it doesn't make me special.
It doesn't make someone else more special because they're having good times.
It's just the cards that we were dealt, and there's not a fairness, of course, but, like, there is fairness in how unfair and random everything is.
And I don't know if it...
I just...
There's something there that I, I cling to.
Um, but it always comes back to curiosity.
I want to understand this chaotic world I live in, which seems like an oxymoron.
Like, how can you ever understand anything that's random? But while cosmically and at a very high level, life is chaos, on an individual level, like I was saying a minute ago, like, there are things we can control and influence.
You just can't control or influence everything.
Um, it reminds me of when my partner was going through rehab, and one of the things that I really struggled with, and still do, but, um, the things I really struggle with are codependency and control.
And I've had to come to terms with, um, the fact that I can't control him, and I can't control his drinking.
I couldn't force him to stop when I wanted him to stop.
He had to figure it out for himself, and I'm so grateful every single day that he did, that he's sober for over a year, and I never, ever thought that would happen.
I really didn't.
I really thought I was going to lose another person in my life to addiction.
But what helped me through all of that, and still helps me with it, is curiosity.
I stopped focusing so much on my feelings about his drinking and tried to get curious about his feelings about his drinking, to better understand his struggles, to listen to what he needed.
Not to make it all about him, but I feel like I...
There was a long period of time where I was just so angry that I didn't listen.
I didn't listen to what he was going through.
I didn't...
I wasn't there to lend an ear.
Um, I was just there judging.
And, um- And thinking about my feelings and, um I don't know.
I, I read a lot about addiction, and I attended different groups.
I learned about different support techniques and methods alternative to Al-Anon and AA.
Curiosity got me through it.
I...
Curiosity helped me make peace.
It ushered in forgiveness when I thought all hope of, all hope of forgiveness was lost.
Um, it also, like, led me to read about other people's stories, um, who struggle with addiction, and it led me to the stories of people who were in situations like myself, and it helped me understand the psychology of drinking and the physiology of drinking and the long-term effects and the short-term effects.
And it helped really color a lot of the things that I was dealing with, and I think I didn't want to admit that so many of the problems that we were having were related to his drinking.
I think, like, on some level I knew that.
Um, but I also think I didn't want to admit that, like, not every problem that we had related to his drinking.
Um, it was easy to kind of like blame this, you know, eh, ever-present monster, um- than it was to, like, take accountability for certain things because, I mean, honestly, for a while I was probably really angry and felt like, "Why should I have to take accountability for anything when I've been dealt such a fucking rough hand?" Um, but I really leaned into curiosity.
I really wanted...
I'm a cerebral person, so a lot of, you know, if you haven't, you know, I'm, I like to ruminate, I like to think, I like to understand, um I like to, like, peel back all the different layers of a problem.
Um, I like to get into the, into the mud and into the depths of something.
And so curiosity ultimately helped me soften my judgment and make peace with the past.
It, it didn't solve all of our problems, and some days are still really, really tough, but curiosity helped.
I know other couples who struggle with addiction issues, and what I've seen is that when there's not curiosity there, when there's not an interest in understanding, it makes recovery a lot harder.
Um, I think sometimes whether you're talking about addiction or politics or history, people can confuse curiosity with some sort of rubber stamp, um, that if I'm trying to understand a position, then I'm giving credence to that position.
But it's all an investigation to me, right? Like, I'm, I'm a true crime junkie, and the one thing they always talk about with investigations is that you have to avoid bias.
You have to follow the evidence with an open mind, and that's curiosity, curiosity to me.
Like, before I can decide who is right or wrong, I have to understand the facts.
There, there's also something from, I think...
I wanna say it was Thomas Paine, but I, I could be getting that wrong, and I'm probably gonna do an awful job paraphrasing as I always do.
But he essentially said, like, to win a debate, you have to understand your opponent's position almost better than they do.
Otherwise, how can you build up a competent argument? You have to listen.
You have to absorb what they're saying, and, like, that is my Roman Empire.
I think about that all the time, and it's been a guiding principle for me for nearly every facet of my life.
To understand the world and its people, you have to get curious.
There are so many things I'll never get to experience in this life.
There are 100 countries I'll never visit.
There are natural wonders that I will never get to see.
There are places and people that I'll never even have the chance to know and learn about.
There are hundreds of thousands of books that I'll never get to read.
And all of that's so sad, and it motivates me to learn about what I can while I can.
What I worry about the most, though, um, is how much independent and critical thinking is seen as a dangerous thing to so many institutions, especially politics right now, and how we're seeing so much curiosity get dismantled.
And, I mean, it's hard to stay curious when you are struggling to put food on the table for your family, you know? Like, it feels like such a privilege and a luxury to be curious in times like this.
Um- There's another part of this that is a little less universal and a bit more specific to me, which is that one of my company, you know, my day job company's core values is curiosity.
And so I spend a lot of my day trying to nudge people to be more curiosity, to be more curious, um, to take an interest in someone else, to learn something new.
That's a big part of my job lately, and that part I really do love.
It really speaks to the teacher in me and the nurturer in me.
I love seeing someone learn something new or discover a new capability.
I love to see people overcoming a fear or overcoming fear of embarrassment and come out on the other side feeling capable and positive.
But even, even there I see some hypocrisy, which makes my job harder.
Um, for instance, they'll ask for suggestions and then give lectures about how people's suggestions are off base or unrealistic, and that in turn makes people turn away from curiosity and turn away from participation.
And then leaders will complain that people aren't participating or providing suggestions.
They're just asking people to be curious while not being curious themselves.
I see that happening a lot.
Um, I don't know.
I guess as corny as it is, I believe knowledge is power.
I believe curiosity begets knowledge, and I think a lot of people are afraid of when the majority gets curious and starts educating themselves and starts asking questions and demanding answers.
Um, curiosity is so powerful, and, and I don't know that many of us realize how powerful it actually is.
So something I was asking myself a lot this week with curiosity in mind, um, with curious being my word of the week, which I didn't really introduce at the top of the show, but if you haven't guessed by now, that is my word of the week.
Um, so how do we foster more curiosity in our lives? I don't know.
I guess first is, um, switching up your algorithm.
Curiosity is going to wane the more we see the same things over and over again.
It becomes mind-numbing instead of curious.
Over the past couple of years, I found myself rewatching The Office or Sex and the City for the millionth time.
And so instead of trying to pick something new, so instead I'm trying to pick something, um, new, like sometimes something random, and I'll give it a go.
I've been trying to do the same thing with podcasts.
That seems really small and insignificant, but it's more about breaking out of autopilot, I guess, and, and shaking myself awake a bit.
I've rediscovered my love for old movies and different voices and It, it just feels kind of sad just to do the same thing day in, day out over and over again.
So if the smallest thing I can do is like l- uh, you know, look up something different on social and kind of fall down a different rabbit hole for a little while or whatever, I think that that's really helpful.
Um, you could also like switch up your platform.
Uh, last week I said that I've been spending a lot less time on Instagram and spending more time over on Substack.
Um- Uh, and of course, like I have a Substack, so that's partially why, but I just find it more refreshing.
Like last Sunday I spent, I don't know, I think maybe two to three hours with my coffee reading essays about motherhood, living in Dubai, growing up below the poverty line, and also like reading a lot of essays about less serious things like, um, you know, fall outfits and, um, reviews of like Taylor Swift albums.
You know, like, uh, so I don't know.
I just think that there's just like a lot of good stuff going on over on Substack, and I think it's just nice to like break away from the, you know, the monotony that I felt like I was falling into on Instagram.
It was just, it did feel like truly rotting my brain.
Um- You know, I think just, like, stepping out of your norm is always helpful, and that, I guess that's, like, what these last couple of things have just all kind of boiled down to, is just stepping out of your norm, and that is so hard for me.
I am a creature of habit.
I live in a really busy tourist area, and sometimes that makes me a hermit, and I know that's only going to get worse with winter coming.
So what I'm trying to do now is put together a list of places I wanna go, mostly day trips, things that I can do in the winter, but also things that I can do, like, next summer, and I've broken the list up into three categories: free, low cost, and higher cost.
That way I have options for whatever I can afford to, um, to spend at the moment 'cause I know sometimes I don't always just, like, have money to do things.
Or I wake up on a Saturday wanting to do something and then insisting to myself that, like, "Well, that's gonna cost money that I don't maybe have, have to spend."
But there are free things I can do, um, and some of them are also, like...
I'm trying to think of things that I can do here that aren't even, like, me leaving my house that would still, like, be shaking up my norm.
Um, so, uh, I don't know, like, working out at home or using my treadmill or, um, finishing up the paint by numbers that I started last year and all that kind of stuff.
So I'm also trying to find things like that to kind of shake up my day a little bit.
Um, so in, in that same mindset, like, trying a new hobby, um, and trying a new hobby doesn't have to be expensive.
That's, like, another lie I tell myself.
Like, you can thrift things you need to get started.
You can look at Marketplace.
You can buy it used, and then once you know it feels like a real thing that you wanna stick to, then you can, like, invest in that hobby, you know? I also forget that you can find craft clubs or craft stores that offer classes.
There are several here in New Hampshire which can be more cost-effective to, like, try out a hobby and see how you like it, um, rather than just, like, buying all the shit to do it.
Um, I know a trap I've fallen into is getting excited about a new hobby, going out and buying all the stuff to get started, then, like, realizing almost right away that it's, like, not for me, and then that stops me from, you know, buying, uh, from, like, wanting to try another hobby in the future because then I just feel really guilty that I've wasted all this money on something that, like...
And also the guilt of starting something and not finishing it.
So, um, like, I've done that with, like, jewelry making and, um, uh, puzzles and, uh, all sorts of different stuff, like different...
Like, I did a, I think once I bought, like, a bunch of stuff to do, like, scrapbooking, and it's just, like, I, this is not me.
Um- But, uh, there are some workarounds for sure to, like, alleviate some of that guilt and to also, uh, reduce, like, the amount that I'm spending on new hobbies.
Like, hobbies don't have to be expensive.
Um, but I think there's also, like, another really interesting point here, which is often, like, a fear of failure, um, or the guilt associated with curiosity because something that seems interesting on the surface might not actually be it for you, and that's okay.
It doesn't mean that there's some defect in me.
It doesn't mean that I'm a failure or that I suck.
Um, you know, like, I...
For instance, like, I'm just, like, not a crafter.
I don't enjoy it.
I'm bad at it.
I really admire people who can do it, but it's, like, not for me.
I used to feel like there was something wrong with me, um, that I found knitting and sewing boring, especially since so many people in my family find it really fun.
But it's just not for me, and I've just finally accepted that.
Um- Asking questions is a great and easy way to foster more curiosity.
Like, go back to being a toddler and just keep asking why.
This is something we do, why? This brings me joy, why? Like, why is one of the most powerful questions, and it can take you to some really, really unexpected places.
Overall, I just think curiosity Um, is really essential, and I think curious people find a lot of wonder in really mundane things, and I am in awe of the universe constantly.
We're the people who love watching how it's made.
Like, I watched how bolts get made once, and you know what? It was fascinating.
This thing that we take for granted lives an entire life before it gets to me.
There's someone whose entire livelihood depends on making us these bolts, you know? Like, it's, it's fascinating.
The world is such a complicated place, and we just stroll through life so consumed with ourselves and our little bubbles that it's really hard for us to look at the bigger picture and just go, "Wow, my life is filled with wonder."
Um, and just, like, as a quick side note as I'm, like, saying all this out loud, like, I guess my new medication is working out pretty well because I'm...
It's been a long time since I've felt this chipper and positive.
But, um You know, like, my dad is really into genealogy, and I used to brush it off and think it was so boring.
Um, like the lineage and, like, the dates are boring to me.
Um, but then my great aunt was telling me a story about how my great-great-great-grandmother had a house that was on the US-Canada border, and they joke how if you stood on one side of the house, you were Canadian, if you stood on the other, you were American.
Um, I learned that I think my great-grandmother was, like, born in that house.
I also learned that, um, so I guess she grew up in western New Hampshire, um, eventually without running water and barely any electricity.
Like, that part of my history I found really interesting.
I was already in awe of my great gram, but I-- but it really put into perspective how much this house that I live in now must have meant to her.
Like, I, you know, I, I-- the house I live in now is the house that, um, she bought in the '40s, and I mean, I know that this house was her pride and joy, but to go from not having running water to buying a new build house in the '40s with your husband, who I understand was maybe also an alcohol- She was an alcoholic, but he was, sounds like he was an alcoholic.
Um, and then him dying while you were still pretty young, never remarrying, and then you being able, as a widower, to maintain your house on your own for decades when banks and the government still didn't see women as autonomous beings is really awe-inspiring.
Like, it really does put into perspective some of the things I whine about every day, and a lot of that perspective comes from being curious.
So, um, I don't know.
I guess that's my rant on curiosity.
I'm curious how you're fostering curiosity in your life.
What are some of the things you're doing right now that are sparking your curiosity? Um, my word of the week next week, uh, is a big one and, and might end up being a two-parter.
We'll see.
But it's money, um, and I've been getting really curious about money lately.
And so it's gonna be something that's...
It's been something that's been really on my mind, and I've been going down quite a few rabbit holes around money and finance and budgeting.
So we'll get into some of that next episode.
Um, a couple small things in my, um, recommendation corner this week.
In the spirit of curiosity, I wanna share, um, some, a bit, a few random recs, but things that, like, help pique my curiosity.
Um, I'm gonna just plug Subst- uh, plug Substack again.
Um, uh I forget, like, how much there is going on on Substack and how varied the voices are and the different things.
Like, there's a new, there's a, there's a, a Substack for everybody out there.
And I...
There are some celebrities who have Substacks that are, like, showing a different part of themselves.
Like Pam Anderson is, like, doodling on Mondays.
And, um And y- I found out Margaret Atwood has a Substack where she is, you know, writing about politics all the time and all this stuff.
And, um, I don't know, it just...
there's, like, so much going on, and then there's, you know, lots of personal essays and funny people, and I don't know.
I just, I'm really loving it over there, and there's so many clever, witty things that people are saying, and so many relatable stories that are being shared.
Um, and there's so many different experiences that are so outside of my bubble that I'm reading about that I don't know that I would have, like, this kind of immediate access to.
So, um, I don't know.
That's, that's been...
I've been reading a lot of really cool things over there.
And then, um, anything Louis Theroux.
So I love Louis Theroux.
He's a documentarian.
Um, I love him so much.
I love his approach to documentaries and interviews.
He is really fearless and asks the questions, you know, I'm thinking, but would never probably dare to ask.
Um, most people know his big hits like Manosphere that came out on Netflix either earlier this year or late last year, and his one on Scientology is obviously very popular.
Um, but a lot of people, especially Americans, don't know that he did a lot of, um, documentaries, like for BBC, that you can find on YouTube.
I think most of them are an hour.
Some of them might be longer.
Um, I watched one a few re- uh, weeks ago on, um, Johannesburg and private security rings, which is essentially very mob-like.
And I don't know, it just, um, it was really, really...
uh, it was just really eye-opening.
Um, and in that same vein, I think all documentaries are just so interesting.
I- I've always been really curious how people can find, like, these very small, specific stories, but make them feel so big and powerful and relatable.
Um, la- uh, like, uh, l- over the summer, I was watching the documentary, like, l- the seri-series about bees, like, uh, I think it was called The Secret Life of Bees.
That was really interesting, and I don't know.
There's just, like...
I love a nature documentary on, like, a Sunday morning with some coffee.
Um, I just think documentaries are really powerful, and I guess they go hand-in-hand with, like, the Subs- the Substack recommendation.
But, um, that's piquing a lot of curiosity.
I'm also, um...
A couple years ago, um, or maybe it was last year for Christmas, I don't know, I can't really remember, but, um, my boyfriend's parents bought me a book, um, about Betty Hill from the Betty and Barney Hill, um, abduction story.
And it's one of the...
I can't, I can't remember what the name of it is or who wrote it, but I remember it being, um...
It's one of, like, the really, uh, popular, I think more reputable books about Betty Hill, and so I really wanna dive into that as well.
Um, but I'm just curious about her and her life and her life after this abduction and all of that, and I think this book gets into it.
Um, obviously know about Betty Hill because I'm in the town where they were to have been abducted.
Um, so anyway, I'm, um...
That's also been piquing my curiosity.
I wanna read more about that.
Um, so yeah.
Um, I don't know.
So those are my recommendations for this week.
Um, next week we're gonna start talking about money.
Um, yeah, and like, if you like this podcast, like, uh, head over to Substack.
I have a Substack called Many Things with Steph.
Um, yeah, check it out.
I'm, I'm posting over there.
Um, I add some, uh, posts that are kind of extra ruminations on the topic of my word of the week.
I'm also starting to post other random things.
Um, and you can also listen to the podcast over there as well.
So check me out on Substack.
Um, free right now.
I don't have any paid tiers or anything, so everything's free.
Um, I would love the support, so hop over there and subscribe.
Um, all right, well, that's it for me this week.
See you next week.
Bye.