Latest / Don Talk - Conversations with Mike Turner / Survival Mode is Destroying Men and Most Don't Even Know They're In It
Transcript
- Michael Turner: Welcome back everybody to another episode of Dime Talk. We're excited to have special guest, Paul Paget, on here with us. and we always like you always start off first we're gonna ask, you know, what you sipping on? Me, myself, I got my tea, my stress away tea from Herbal Renaissance. That's what I'm drinking on tonight. So, Paul, what you what you sipping on tonight? Paul Padgett: I'm gonna call mine my stress away cavernet. Michael Turner: There you go. Paul Padgett: Yeah. Shit much, darling. Michael Turner: The wrong what you got. Dar'Ron Anderson: I'm my stretch away water for right now, man. I should something told me to bring it, but I'm okay. I'll be good. Michael Turner: Hey, if you gotta take a break and run away and grab something, we understand. Paul Padgett: Yeah, if you gotta go hit that Jameson bottle, bring it on. Yeah, yeah. Dar'Ron Anderson: Okay, you know, that's only you only had to tell me that once. Paul Padgett: Get out of here. Michael Turner: Yeah. Paul Padgett: We'll go ahead and start this flamethrower right now. Michael Turner: All right. So Paul, how's it going? Like when we truly ask this question, we wanna know how you're doing, not just that I'm good type talk. Paul Padgett: You know what I don't do? I'm just good. I am a I'm stratospherically quantum amazing. It is just, I just turned 60 yesterday. thank you. Michael Turner: happy birthday, let's go. Nice. Paul Padgett: And life couldn't be any better. It is Michael Turner: Yeah. Paul Padgett: just, you know what? Yeah, as men, we're all a bunch of jacked up cats anyway, but I'm reaching that stage where it's kind of the Obi Wan Kenobi moment where things Michael Turner: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: are balanced and the little young Jedi's are showing up now that don't know how to turn on their lightsabers and you know, it's I'm on the other side of the fence now. So it's good. Thanks for asking. How Michael Turner: That's awesome, man. Paul Padgett: are you? Michael Turner: You know what? I I'm not I'm good. I'm good. I will say that. But like I'll be honest, I'm I'm in a frustrating point right now. Like I am in between jobs. so it's been frustrating trying to like, you know, you have that feeling like who wants me? You know? but at the same time, I'm not stressed because, you know, at the To be quite honest and clear, I'm collecting unemployment and it's paying for the all my necessities. So I'm in a spot where I can truly concentrate on me and find what my real next move is. But it's just frustrating going through this process, if that makes sense. Paul Padgett: It does. You know what? I'm gonna r throw out an extended ill thing here. Maybe we ought to plan to talk independently outside of this. I might have something that might fit for you, I'd like to talk to you about. Michael Turner: Let's talk about it. We could talk about it a afterward. After you finish your partying, 'cause I know you're going into day two of Paul Padgett: Well yeah, let's do it. why don't we why don't you get with Michael about putting something on the schedule tomorrow the next day? Michael Turner: Yeah. Paul Padgett: But I might have a big leaf to be able to extend out. Michael Turner: Right. Paul Padgett: I'm alwa you know, I know that God brings things for a certain reason and this might be the season and the reason. Michael Turner: All right, I'm with it. I'm with it. That sounds good. All right, Duron, Paul Padgett: Bam. Michael Turner: how you doing? How you doing today? Dar'Ron Anderson: Man, the real and I always I always ask this question do you want the socially acceptable Michael Turner: The the real answer. Dar'Ron Anderson: answer or do you want the real answer? Michael Turner: The real answer. Paul Padgett: The real one. Dar'Ron Anderson: The real one is I feel a bit all over the place, man. My so my wife, she does real estate on the side. So she just informed me that she had a a showing at the same time I had this, the recording, Michael Turner: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Dar'Ron Anderson: right? So I had the I got three kids in the background, busy doing, you know, things. I hear, you know, as a dad, you start hearing things like, why is it so quiet? It's not supposed to be quiet, right? Michael Turner: Yeah. Right. Paul Padgett: Yeah. Dar'Ron Anderson: Although we want quiet, but it's not supposed to be quiet, right? There's something going on. So those are thoughts I have in my head. But other than that, man, I'm feeling good. I started my new diet. So I'm I'm I'm really feeling like as far as my my physical, my my body is I'm feeling great. As far as my mental, I'm catching up. Michael Turner: All getting there, we all going through so healthy this conversation too will help us get better at whatever we're going through, to get out of that mode. So the the topic of today is you know, we always say I'm good, but when survivor mode becomes a man's identity, that's kind of what we're gonna talk about. So the core question, and we're not gonna answer right this second, but the core question that we wanna end up answering by the end of this conversation is what happens when a man get so good at surviving that he no longer realizes he is he isn't actually living. That's the core of what we want to to Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm, right. Michael Turner: answer. But let's start off with, you know, Paul, like I want to start with with just talking with you about you jumping in. So we started this podcast because we know there's a lot of men that are listening to this that are recognized what we're going through. So you wake up, you go to work. You handle your responsibilities. People depend on you. The bills get paid. You take care of your family. And if someone asks you how you're doing, you say, I'm good. but you're tired, you're irritated, Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah. Michael Turner: you don't really enjoy anything anymore. You're just moving from responsibility to responsibility. So the question that we're going to kick this off is, is that what survival mode can look like in a man who appears to have his life together? Paul Padgett: You know, it's a very interesting subject because I can say this is I've raised Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: two children. I've gone through two horrible marriages that absorbed 29 years of my life. There were times, don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna beat the other side to death. We all have our crap we bring to the table. And Dar'Ron Anderson: Absolutely. Paul Padgett: you know, the inner child stuff that we don't know that are covered by layers after layers, and then you know, we're the cavemen, we're supposed to be out clubbing dinosaurs every day. And and bringing it. And it's a tough space because yeah, I think more than ever, and unfortunately, phones and all of this new stuff that's taken us away from reality. Where you know, I remember the days we were talking with some of my uncles that are in their 70s and 80s, how nice it was to, you know, grandmother's say, Hey, so-and-so called a couple of days ago. They said give them a call when you get a chance. You call seven days later, they're happy as hell to hear from you. If you miss somebody calling them back in two minutes of them texting you, like, what took you so long, man? And all of a sudden, this anxiety hits that we've got to respond like this when that is just a behavior that's been layered on top of our being. And so men end up waking up with this anxiety that you've got to. Show up and deliver this, take care of everything, take care of everybody, and then somehow satisfy your wife, satisfy your kids, satisfy your boss, or if you're running your own company, even worse. That's a whole nother layer to talk about. That's the second segment. but I think these things, you know, we discover that we wake up in anxiety. Which creates the multitude of layers of making us feel like we're always reaching up to touch bottom. We're never achieving what we never what we need to achieve, excuse me. and then it's the wonderment. You know, here's the bigger thing is we live in a society now of uncertainty and fear that is now layered at so many different levels, it's hard to recognize it. That's why when I designed the blueprints to success 70 point assessment. Is that it grades you that way you don't need to sit with a psychologist, you don't need to burn Dar'Ron Anderson: Okay. Paul Padgett: up any more money. Go take it. It's psychologically built on a level that is based on living through it. Not, I didn't go to you know get a master's degree and all of a sudden I need to pay my BMW new payment. And I need to have 20 patients. I'm gonna charge you this much. I'm gonna sit there and nod my head while you spew out all the crap in your life. But you'd go home. maybe feeling a little lighter that you got off your chest, but there's still no direction of how to get through it and fix it and navigate it daily. And so I have literally since I was 18 years old, I have written down every single thing of every day of my life. And in turn, the same with my business that I've had for 40 plus years. And so all the zigs, the zags, the humps, the hills, you name it, I figured out How to blueprint out, how to balance it out. And and it was based on doing it. It wasn't based on talking about it, it wasn't based on something I saw. It wasn't a Tony Robbins lock-in for seven days. I spent ten thousand on, even though I've done that. That's how how I well I love Tony. I actually Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah, I like Tony Rabbit, yeah. Paul Padgett: work with Tony on several of his big projects and Grant Cardone, Les Brown I work with, which I love. Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Paul Padgett: So I've got some great cats around me, the old school guys, Zig Ziggler, you know, Maxwell. I've been around all of it. And so, and all of those help build me. So I won't knock it, but it's not a one size fits all. You know, you go into this auditorium and you got two or three thousand people, or whatever arbitrary arbitrary number you've got, and they've got this great program they've worked on. It's Dar'Ron Anderson: That's the one. Paul Padgett: gonna elevate your life. You're gonna go out and kill the world, man. I got it. And women and men aren't built the same. It can't be the same program. And what you're going through, Michael, and what you're going through, Daron, are and what I'm going through can be completely different. It can't be the same program. It's not going to identify to the three people the same. And so the assessment, that assessment grades you. And then it hits my desk. And then at that, if you're open to a call, we're gonna go through how you got there, what got you there, and we're gonna individually put a program together with my 12-week program that keeps you on track. That it does one thing: it peels back those layers and builds a framework, a daily reset framework that gets you. Where you want to go. And we need to find out where that is. Cause here's the thing: a lot of people don't know where they want to go, they have no idea. They've gotten caught Michael Turner: That's true. I think we Paul Padgett: in the hamster wheel running back and forth, circle to circle to circle Dar'Ron Anderson: Right. Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: to circle. And as I say, a job stands for just over broke. You know, but it's jacked up. Sorry, people out there that got jobs, but you already know from pandemic that they can shut it off like that. And then all of Dar'Ron Anderson: Absolutely. Paul Padgett: a sudden. You're real, and here you are, the father, the husband, the everything in between you're supposed to be providing. And you have no way out at that point. You hope to God you saved enough money to carry yourself, but then the uncertainty of not knowing how long this is gonna last. And then you see it just bleeding, and then anxiety, uncertainty starts just taking over. Then fear because we don't show it as men, because our ego, we're all tough and strong. yeah, yeah, yeah. Bull crap. You know, when a man, I'll tell you what happens when a man decides, you know, get a little femininity, call it my inner lesbian, I don't know, you know, that you start kind of identifying more from like what your your wife needs or your girlfriend needs, and get out of the caveman mentality to have a little bit of, you know, compassion and care is a a Interesting dichotomy of how that functions for us as men. Because how we think we're taking care of things is going to work, bringing in money, making sure there's food on the table, everybody's moving through life. Every you know, we're we're gonna protect them, but then we're not protecting ourselves. And then you wonder how you look back and you go, man, things are not working out well. And then you got to kind of choke it up and hide it, you know, because. Michael Turner: Yeah, Paul, you said something earlier and that's and it it was it's literally begs the question because your process and I know Daron has a a similar process, so both of you I I want you to answer this. As you're going through your survival mode, like and you said something like, We're not doing what we need to do to achieve, right? Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Michael Turner: How does one know what they need to achieve when they're stuck in that mode of Like just taking care of everybody else, going to work, paying the bills and handling business, surviving, how do you know what you need to achieve? Paul Padgett: You don't on your own. You know, here's how I define that. That is a great question. Thanks for actually bringing that up because I think this is more important out of all of it. You can have all the frameworks, but if that key central area is not addressed, none of it works. So that wonderment of knowing. So I always say this. If you ever played sports, plus we go to school, we're told to, you know, go to class. We look forward, we don't talk, we don't interrupt, we behave, we do our homework. Then we're graded from A to dumb, you know. We're told that Dar'Ron Anderson: Right, right. Paul Padgett: we're a dummy or we're gonna make it in life. And yeah, and they embarrass you in front of everybody in it, you know. They're handing out your test scores and you've got an F sitting there, and all of a sudden you're the idiot with the Dunce hat on. But I always say one thing. If we played sports, we know what it's like to have a coach that excels us to the next level for even from like, let's say. Yeah, I always say this: you come out of high school or college, you might as well be playing T-ball. So you're coming into Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah. Paul Padgett: life, and all of a sudden you're putting the ball on there to swing at this thing that's sitting there, and hopefully you're gonna hit it. Some of them slap the T and go, oops, I need to pick the ball back up. And then you graduate to the next year and you find that you want to be a pitcher or this or that, and you're starting to get some identity. Few years goes by, but it's all based on your coach telling you, throw it this way, catch it this way, run this way, do all this. Same with girls, dance, whatever, cheerleading, you name it. And then we get out in the cold, cruel world, and nobody's telling us to do that anymore. And the sad part is that we went to school, nobody told us how to do the dance when we got done with all of that crap. You know? And now it's this one again, uncertainty, and then fear. Fear starts kicking in because we're not we're hoping we're guessing our way through. Then we get stuck in these motivational seminars. I gotta do something about this. I'm Dar'Ron Anderson: Right. Paul Padgett: not figuring out. And you are thinking about a coach because you go think that a three-day lock-in is gonna fix everything. And the the percent of people that actually accomplish those is so bad. It's insane. It's a low number. But I always say this, I I'm not a coach. I'm a transformational specialist that looks at your life, finds what's not working. I want to know who you were as a kid. What'd you dream about? What were the things that were the core before you were turned into a baby robot? Before you were turned into the slave. You know, we all go into slave mode because our parents were taught to do that. Go through these processes, go through these motions, and then all of a sudden we wake up, we're unhappy, we don't know what we're supposed to do. We're we took on a job because we squawked out a couple kids that were now buying pampers and infomil and trying to make it all work out. but nobody's guiding us. We're guiding ourselves and we don't know how to do it because we were never trained to do it. So that's why the assessment I put that in place. Instead of just telling you, hey, you're all messed up, you know, you know, let's work through a couple things. I'm gonna charge you this amount of money. You'll go through this little boilerplate deal I put together for everybody. Wrong. It's a dangerous arena and we get trapped in it and then we go through all these processes and we're still there. And then we're even more Dar'Ron Anderson: Right. Paul Padgett: frustrated. Then we're even more broke. So it's vicious, isn't it? Michael Turner: anything to add on your end to that, Duran? Dar'Ron Anderson: Now I I my approach is is is different, right? You know, I I I love Paul's approach. Is it's you you you know, you you analyze it, you make sure that, you know, you know what's going on before you even start to do anything. Cause some people like to jump into it, right? as far as life GPA, I created an assessment tool. It's called Life GPA, but this is I use it more for therapy purposes, right? usually sometimes when you go into therapy, you don't Some you know you wanna talk to somebody, but you don't know how to start or what to say, right? But you know you need a professional at the time. So I developed the live GPA in order to help individuals who may not know how to approach therapy, right? May they may not know that they're having challenges in the family. They may think that the family is okay, but then after they take this assessment, they realize, wait a minute, I didn't I never looked at it that way. Like one thing you said that was interesting. Michael Turner: What was what was mine? Mine's was two point six. What did I have? A two point six on on my life GPA? I got work to do, Paul. Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah, I think it was the 2.6, right? I don't I don't share scores, but if you want to, yeah. But and and and Paul, I developed this and just a little background, I developed this assessment. my wife it was inspired by my wife. She always asked me every time she does something, you know, let's say she does something for my birthday and she because she knows I'm tough on gifts, right? What would you give that? What what grade would you give that? You know, or what grade would you give me for that? You know, things like that. I thought it was insane, but That's who she is, and I'm I'm a meeter where she is. and I developed the life GPA, you know, providing, you know, people with their own life GPA, 2.0, 3.0. I'm not gonna share my GPA because it's embarrassing, right? but like I said, so when you come into therapy, then we'll talk about those results. That's a good place to start. We can start where you want to, but this kind of helps people. it helps those who do not know exactly where to begin. So that's what that's for. Where yours is much different. I was actually reading it online, man. This it's amazing. I'm like, ooh, I might I'm I might need to go see Paul myself. You know, I was just kinda reading it. Michael Turner: Yeah. Paul Padgett: Well, it's actually pretty similar. Your GPA actually that's genius. I I'll have to say, I didn't mean to cut you off. That GPA deal, that's classic. 'cause we're rated like that through school. Yeah. Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. And my wife, she she she loves it. So I mean, I've I've given it to a few people, well, more than a few people. I you know, I encourage it's something fun to take, right? It's based on other research articles that I got all the questions from other research articles that took seven areas of our lives, right? And the financial, the mental, the physical, the spiritual. The social, the other two. I can't read things on the top my head, but it's been a while. Michael Turner: Yeah. Dar'Ron Anderson: But go ahead and check it out. My life GPA, you know, you can check check it out, it's on my page. And it takes those and it asks you maybe seven different questions out of those in each particular category. I didn't want it to be too long because sometimes people just don't have the, especially with the internet and all that going on, they don't have the mental capacity to take a 20-minute test, right? Or a 20-minute survey type things. They'll probably quit it right in the middle of it. And you take that and you come and we we talk about it, or you can take that to your own therapist and talk to them about it. Paul Padgett: Yeah. Michael Turner: So that that begs that begs the question, is like as we are going through this, how do like are there any signs that we recognize the difference between being responsible and just merely surviving? Like how do you recognize how does one recognize what phase or mode they're in? Paul Padgett: Well, I think in that like my assessment, mine's a seventy point and I I agree with Iran on it. You can't have long ones because our attention spans are screwed up now. And so mine's very quick, it grades it on its own. It is kinda like a GPA, it's very similar. And it kind Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: of breaks down those facets because it forces you to have to evaluate your space and then My program's 12 weeks after that. It's not just the assessment. I don't want you just to Dar'Ron Anderson: In the Paul Padgett: assess that you're jacked up or you're not jacked up. It's about what what areas are are needing assistance and what are your Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah. Paul Padgett: what are your strong traits, what are your middle and your lowers? And so then it's a four-layer method. The front end, because I do it in a 12-week program and I do it in baby chunks. So it's you can attain that information, use it through the week, and then you've Felt like you've grown, you've done something. So I reveal. So it's exposing the patterns, the beliefs, the pressures, and the decisions currently producing those results. And then you rebuild, you replace survival-based rules with values, standards, and an identity you deliberately choose. And then you execute. You convert insight into scheduled, measurable action through weekly and daily systems. And then bam, they come to the last four weeks. And it's reinforcement. You use reflection, coaching, evidence, that's key, and repetition until the new behavior becomes your normal. And so all we're doing is kind of a you know, we peeled back the layers. You've identified, yep, I've got some things I need to get done and fix that I didn't ask for in life. It just attached itself because life does it. And now Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: you're developing, well, it's just like like I said with baseball. Let's say you show up and you throw the baseball and you actually throw it over the backstop and miss the guy completely. You just need to get a reassessment of how you threw the ball and where your target is actually where you need to aim it and start practicing to throw it. And that's what that four layer approach is, is you get to the point where you throw it into the mitt, might you say, for lack of better terminology. Michael Turner: So I guess so I guess the question is that like that's a good starting point and you'll learn it as you get through those points. So I'm gonna ask you this question, Paul, and then me and Duran have to tell ourselves or answer the question, What mode are we in? So what like w yeah, like when you say survival mode, Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm. this is fine. Michael Turner: let's talk about what exactly does that look like. 'Cause I don't think any of us really understand. Like, I'm probably there, but I don't know what characteristics and traits yield me to say, Yes, I'm in survival mode. Paul Padgett: Great question. Dar'Ron Anderson: Because now is now it's normal, right? Michael Turner: Yeah, right. Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah. Paul Padgett: So here's a couple. Do you wake up already feeling behind or mentally overloaded? And then urgent demands regularly control my schedule? Does that happen? do you avoid important decisions because they feel emotionally heavy? Do you overthink simple choices and second guess yourself? do you say yes when I need to say no? does your confidence depend heavily on outside approval? Does distraction of work, food spending, or substances or isolation to escape pressure dominate? do you struggle to rest without guilt? you know, I can go down the list. do you start Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah in the name. Paul Padgett: goals but lose momentum when motivation drops? does self-talk become so harsh that that pressure starts to wipe you out? and so those. Michael Turner: Hey, Paul, stop, stop right there because you're making me feel bad. But because Paul Padgett: Yeah. Michael Turner: I I am 100% in survival mode. Like there's there's with just what you listed right there, I am 100% in survival mode. Paul Padgett: And it some Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah. Paul Padgett: yeah. Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah, I Michael Turner: What you say, Durai? Dar'Ron Anderson: I don't know. It's kinda tight, right? Because I wake up and I'm I just love the fact that I don't have to wake up to an alarm. Right. you know, when we were growing up, Mike, you know, God woke us up this morning, started us on our way. Well, no, the alarm woke me up. You know, it's just t you know, Michael Turner: Mm-hmm. Dar'Ron Anderson: type thing. So now I'm at that point to where, you know, I wake up when I want to, you know. If I don't have any work to do as far as like actual like therapy work, then I can kinda get my you know, do my other things, you know, with Daddy's Green Book, you know, all that type things. So I don't know if I'm in survival mode. I think I'm in a mode after that. What's what's that mode after that? If I wish I had your list right here, I can kinda I don't I don't I don't know, man, 'cause I'm kinda chill right now. Michael Turner: Yeah, Paul, send p Dar'Ron Anderson: is it? Paul Padgett: I'll tell you what, I'll send you the whole thing as 20 things to ask yourself. And you can post that for everybody to go through. Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah, yeah, that'd be great. Michael Turner: Yeah, let's do that. Dar'Ron Anderson: Hey Paul, is it possible to kinda go in and out, like, of molds? Okay. Okay. Paul Padgett: yeah. Cause you can have that moment where you're like, man, I'm on top of the world. What a great day. And then all of a sudden in the morning you wake up going, man, this is crap. Man. Dar'Ron Anderson: And how does that stuff happen when when nothing really changed? Like Paul Padgett: That's crazy, isn't it? Yeah, because Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: nothing did you're thinking, man, my I went to bed great, man. We made love. We had our life. We did amazing. Dar'Ron Anderson: Right. Michael Turner: Yeah. Paul Padgett: I feel like crap, man. I feel like I just want to pull the covers over my head. I don't want to talk to anybody, turn my phone off. Yeah. Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: And I'll tell you what, you know, I can only talk from experience. And even as motivated as I am, it really, you know what I'll have to say about that? Sometimes days just are that, you know. But Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah, yes. Paul Padgett: sometimes I I consider that to be some of those are very motivating because they really I think help you to the next day. I always say one thing: the sour has to be there for us to know when sweet arrives, you know, and sometimes a little baby spoon of sour, you wake up the next day after a very sweet day and go. It is good. It's not bad, you know? Little sour's Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: not bad. It helps you recognize what is sweet. Michael Turner: I t I could definitely see like you jumping in and out of it. Like if you wake up great and nothing you haven't Dar'Ron Anderson: I'm some ice cream. Michael Turner: reached and and experienced nothing yet or interactions with people, but you go to work and Dar'Ron Anderson: Okay. Michael Turner: everything that you've been doing at work you've been told is wrong. So now you're like you said, one of the characteristics or things was your value is affected by what other people think. So now Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Michael Turner: you think you're not good enough because everybody at work told you that you're doing everything wrong. And then it just snowballs from that like how do you is there a way to stop that as soon as you get into that space or Paul Padgett: Yeah, you have to that's a learned behavior. Dar'Ron Anderson: What do you do? Michael Turner: Yeah. Paul Padgett: it has to be worked through because, you know, other people's opinions actually don't matter, but we make it matter. and then depending on where you're at mentally that day, it can really tilt you over the edge. and I I and I, you know, I we all have to work on it. There's no fluidity that you get over that because some people just bring it out in you and you want to slap them. You know? And you're Michael Turner: Yeah. Paul Padgett: like, man, leave me alone. Can you go back to the water jug and the donuts over there and get out of the Dar'Ron Anderson: Right. Paul Padgett: way? so I think we all weave in out of that because you know what I look at is that so many people and I I try to be as conscious of the fact that somebody might be having a way worse day than me, you know. And I wanna try to in a world that's pretty upside down right now and full of uncertainty. And I'm gonna use that word a lot. Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: It makes you do things that you don't know you're doing to other people. And you can say things a lot of people aren't really good at being able to filter how damaging one word could be to somebody else's life, you know? And I think Dar'Ron Anderson: Yes, yes, yes. Paul Padgett: that's probably some of the bigger things. So I have to and I wasn't very good at this when I was younger. and so as I've gotten older and writing these programs and working around the world, helping so many people in multiple languages, because we're all the same. It doesn't matter what our our nationality is, what color we are, we are all the same. Period. We're emotional beings. We let things attach to us, we emotionally respond without thinking. One of the things that I teach and train in my programs is. How to actually think before you speak, you know? And that's an advanced element. That's beyond the 12 weeks because you got to get those layers back, peeled back, and then start identifying where they're at, and then start installing the new behaviors little by little, not enough to tax them so bad that they want to quit because they already have enough load to add any more and tilt them over the edge. That's when they quit. And they're right back to where they were. And so I do things in small digestible chunks through a period of time because behavioral changes, as you both know, take time because I always look at it's like the moments when I it you know, I had at a moment in my life I had my skinny guy clothes and my fat guy clothes, Michael Turner: Yeah. Paul Padgett: you know, when my waist was two inches more than what it was. So I could switch in between now because there were moments and I didn't realize that that was in bad relationships. Where I was eating more or drinking more, and then all of a sudden my body's going out of whack and I'm unhappy. Those were signs. And I can now look back, is that the moments where I was very unhappy, I was gaining weight. because I was eating comfort food, I was drinking more, I was putting more sugar because that made me feel good. And so I didn't capture those behaviors when I was younger. But now that I've gotten older. And I'm more fluid in that. Is it a perfect science? No, I call it an 80-20 rule. 80%, I eat very healthy. I put wonderful things in my body. I want to live long. And then the 20%, man, on Sunday, I'm gonna order the pizza, man. You know, I might have a couple IPAs that are double hops, you know. I'm Michael Turner: Yeah. Yeah. yeah. Dar'Ron Anderson: Okay. Paul Padgett: gonna kill it because I wanna live a little bit. I don't wanna have to have it so disciplined all the time that I feel like I'm having to stand on my Every decision that no, if I do that, man, I'm gonna end up in the fat guy clothes. You know what I did? I donated all the fat guy clothes after my divorce 10 years ago. Fat boy clothes went out the door. I wasn't gonna punish myself like that any longer because it is a punishment. because we start looking at ourselves negatively, we're not looking at ourselves happy anymore. And then that's the other part in a man's life because. We're the strong, we've got to provide, we do this. And then you're looking at yourself, going, Damn, man, I am a wreck. You know? And then you don't want to let anybody know, but they already know. You know, you think you're hiding it, but they already know that your belly's overhanging because they see the three extra holes you punched in your flipping belt. You know. that's Michael Turner: crazy. Durant, what would you say if you saw, like let's say hypothetically speaking, based off of what Paul just said, if knowing those characteristics and traits, if you met 20 people in a week, how many of those people will you think are in survival mode? Dar'Ron Anderson: Nineteen point five? No Man, Michael Turner: Yeah. Paul Padgett: Mailed that. And the point five, that was a midget, no. Dar'Ron Anderson: a and and and I mean Paul Padgett: Ha ha. Dar'Ron Anderson: The good thing about it is they're in survival, they're in survival mode in the right place. Right. You it's okay to be, I mean, well, no one wants to really be in that survival mode, but sometimes you have to, right? well, there are days, it shouldn't be weeks or years that you should be in survival mode. You know, maybe you have something that you forgot to do that day, right? This is something quick, but something that lasts day after day after day after day after day. That's gonna hit you physically. And I think that's what happened to Paul, right? Physic, he was in survival mode going through like his divorce that he went through. Not only that, just looking at himself like, you know, after a divorce, I've never been divorced, but you know, I'll speak of I don't name names, you know, but after a divorce, you look at yourself like, wait a minute. It's almost like all the years you were married, you never really looked in the mirror. But as soon as you need to go get somebody else, Then you start really looking at yourself. Paul Padgett: Whew. And you tear yourself down, man. yeah. Dar'Ron Anderson: And you tear yourself down. You you tear yourself down. And, you know, like I said, that I mean, it shows physically, it shows, you know, when you're trying to speak to somebody because that subject is always coming up. Right? You ever spoke to somebody and it's almost like again, again, to the to that point where you don't even know that you're doing it. Paul Padgett: True. You're right. Michael Turner: So that so that yields the next question. If we all see all these people that are in this survival mode, like I'm pretty sure there's quite a few of them that are successful. So like can you be a highly successful individual and be in and be in or stay in survival mode? Paul Padgett: Absolutely, because I've been you go ahead, Iran, you can answer that. Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah, I yeah. I think that's how most of us really function, right? Michael Turner: Yeah. Dar'Ron Anderson: I mean and we all we we're assuming that it's only adults in survival mode, right? I have a daughter, man, and she's in you know honors classes, you know. I have a son, you know, he plays sports also in honors classes, you know, they gotta get up at five o'clock, you know. I th I've seen it. And it can really take a toll if you don't Address it. You know, especially with kids, because you think, they got it all together. They got this. They got it. Everything is is okay. Just like an adult. they have it all together. No, we just know how to fake the phone. Until it starts to bleed out. Until you start randomly, you know, crying in front of somebody. Or until you start just, you know, cussing somebody out, you know, just for stepping on your shoe. Paul Padgett: Accurate. You know one thing, I I've worked around a lot of professionals, very high end. I've been very fortunate. I'm a United Nations ambassador. So I've been around some of the top leaders in the world with some of the top pressures on them for nations that they're providing. And they're so jacked up, as we obviously see in our own governments. Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: but bottom line is is that I don't know if anybody's not in survival mode. There's layers and depths. And so, Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: and you know, I most people haven't even stopped. Think about this, is that when the pandemic hit, all these little kids that were one, two, three, three and a half, four years old, all they saw was our eyes. There was no expression anymore. You're not Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: in school. You're celebrating grandma's birthday and she's standing out on the curb and you're waving at her because she had an Uber, go pick her, pick her up and drop her back off at home. Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: man, we don't even know the depth of the damage we have caused because of some of these situations. And so they go into survival mode. They're not they don't know how to interact with kids because they missed a couple, two and a half years of very important moments of that connectivity. Dar'Ron Anderson: Absolutely. Paul Padgett: my gosh. I I'm I'm scared for what that actual fallout can be when they become adults because we all go back to our inner child. Most of our stuff Dar'Ron Anderson: Absolutely. Paul Padgett: is that. And so my books. Hey, I wanted to share something that I thought was really cool, guys, because squirrelsville.com, everybody needs to go to because my educational programs, when I was chief of marine operations for National Geographic, I I was part of the children's development educational programs. So one of the great things that happened, my three books, which have all gone number one, number one bestsellers, is that they all came out and showed up on my birthday yesterday and hardback copy, baby. Yes. These are the little Michael Turner: Nice. Congrats on that. Dar'Ron Anderson: Nice. Paul Padgett: kid training modules that also train the young parent. it is Michael Turner: Yeah. Paul Padgett: written from a neurolinguistic programming level, where it's interactive. It's you know, the parents learning from the kid, the kids learning from the parent. All these old school values that have been stripped away. And it's got learning guides. I've got it into the schools now. We've got educational programs in English, math, science. mind mapping, get them off the phone. I just started the Squirrelsville Music Academy because music's been stripped out of schools. And so now we're teaching kids music from harmonica to shakers, whatever. You want to beat on? Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah. Paul Padgett: Let's make some music. Let's go tribal. You know? You don't even have to learn how to play a guitar. We'll beat on the wall, man. And so Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Right, right. Michael Turner: Ha ha Paul Padgett: everything just arrived in my what I call my Dr. Seuss moment. We're all hard back. And so I work from two aspects. I think the core of the little soldiers that are gonna get out there that we need to make sure we're providing as elders the solid information for them to be the greatest they've got the chance to be in a very, very turmoiled world. And then we've got blueprints to success for all of us that have didn't have squirrels real to get us through the front end, have some great values, but it gets buried and lost. in what we have to navigate to take care of our families, go through school, be told how to act, how to talk, how to speak, how to do all this. We're told no all the time. So we become this negative element that it starts just eating us alive. Or we I've got so many people right now that I deal with in my patients that have lost their jobs or on borderline Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah. Paul Padgett: of it and they don't know what to do because you don't get to talk to anybody anymore to get a job. You're literally graded by AI turning in. Dar'Ron Anderson: AI, yeah. Paul Padgett: It is so bad. There's no I Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah. Paul Padgett: remember back in the day, I could go up to the manager and go, man, I'm really I've got a new engine. I got to put my car, I want to work really hard. You know, I've I just need this opportunity. AI doesn't care. You know, and Dar'Ron Anderson: If you don't say the right words then they they just yeah. Paul Padgett: Dude, it's so bad. And so that again, here we go to uncertainty, fear, survival mode. And so that's one of the things we're doing now and putting up scholarships for kids. And so we've got a big scholarship program now that we're working through Squirrelsville because a lot of parents don't have the ability to push kids through school. And we want to eliminate as many kids getting school loans. federal assistance that buries your life, your in financial debt so bad by the time you get out in the world. and to try to relieve some of that pressure. Will we beat it? No, but we're gonna have some that are gonna have a better chance at going through this process to have a more balanced life. And so that's why I've done most of all of this for free. all of my children's books. I don't take a dime off of. We put all of it back into education. We're in 17 countries now. And we're now starting to get such a broad reach of this, you know, geopolitical nightmare that's unfolding in all of our lives. Just think about this. This is a great statistic statistic for survival mode. Is that when this war kicked off February 28th at three o'clock in the morning? Imagine because the statistic right now for everybody listening when this goes out is that 90% of homes right now in the United States are $500 to $1,500 a month away from filing bankruptcy. And then you add gas prices at a dollar more and the jacked up prices on groceries. How are some of these people actually making it right now? I I'm stunned. You know, if that's the c I know that I'm spending almost 900 more a month on gas, you know. And in that statistic for those other people, they've got to be in absolute panic, terrified mode. You know? Crazy. Dar'Ron Anderson: Don't count childcare. Michael Turner: We see that. It is crazy. Paul Padgett: God, add that. my God. Yeah, you're on the other side. My kids are grown. so you're Dar'Ron Anderson: no, I got I got I have one more to get through, then woo. Then we get then we get a race. Paul Padgett: Dude. All right. Michael Turner: So we'll so we'll I know it's we're getting close to our time, so we'll end this off with a two part question. All right. I want both of y'all, I wanna hear from both of y'all. Is achievement the cover or the umbrella that hides men in in survival mode? And what are or do we know what the long term effects of our health are in staying in survival mode? Paul Padgett: Duran, why don't you take off on this one? Then I'll follow up. Dar'Ron Anderson: Okay. Yeah, I I definitely now actually I was writing it down as you as you were saying it. You said is achievement the umbrella or a Michael Turner: that that hides us from admitting or knowing that we're in survival mode. Dar'Ron Anderson: I don't know. Michael Turner: 'Cause as long as we're achieving, as long as I'm doing great things. Dar'Ron Anderson: I don't. I mean, I mean if you if you're just asking me, because that's a good question. I never really thought about that question, right? We all have our different reasons why we achieve, why we want to achieve certain things, right? so if you're asking me personally, because I've never heard that question before, so that's why it kinda called me from the left. I'm not a person who's not afraid to say I don't know. I don't, you know, as far as myself, achievement is A necessity. For me, it's a necessity, it's not a choice. All right, because I have a family, I have responsibilities, so I have no other cho I do have a choice, and that's gonna lose my family. Right. that's my answer. This straight to the point. Paul Padgett: That's actually really good. Dar'Ron Anderson: but the it was a two part question. Michael Turner: Yeah, so do do we know what long term health effects are for staying in survival mode? Dar'Ron Anderson: Hmm, yeah, man. I mean you can go there's too much to list anything physical. Like like that that Paul Padgett: That Dar'Ron Anderson: that survival mode, it turns into so many things. It turns into anxiety, which turns into, you know, could turn into like depression, which turns into, you know, a a common cold, which turns into You know, something going on with your kidneys with turn. I mean, you can go go, you can go down that rabbit hole, right? Michael Turner: Domino effect. Yeah. Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah, it's it's a domino effect. so yes, staying in that survival mode could could lead to that. But some people in survival mode, they they thrive in it. And you know, and it's okay for them because now it's a natural thing. The challenge is trying to get out. And I'll I'll pass that to Paul. Paul Padgett: Yeah, that's actually really good answer, man. 'Cause that'll leave a big giant question mark stamped on your head because I it's so broad. So Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: ask me the first part of the Michael. Michael Turner: Yeah, does is un is achievement the umbrella that hides us behind survival mode. Yeah. Paul Padgett: He sure the hell does. I'm around a bunch of men, we all are, that they high resonate, but they don't share that that breaking point, that element. It's always that tough, you know, moving through. It's the warrior in us, it's the gladiator in us. it's that you don't want to show weakness, you don't want your kids to see it. You definitely don't want your wife to see it because she's gonna beat you to death over it. Yeah, that starts a whole nother layer. That's a whole nother that's a whole nother podcast within itself. But Dar'Ron Anderson: Right. Michael Turner: Yeah. Ha ha ha. Paul Padgett: yeah I got through some comedy in here. That's that's painful comedy, is what I call it, because it's got realism Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah, right, right. Paul Padgett: in it. But the bottom line to that is is that I do I counsel a lot of guys that are at multi-million dollar level, highly successful with their companies. Up to billion dollar level. I've got several billionaires that I cancel that have these, you would think have the most perfect life. And all of them state it's not the money. That money has they're fortunate that their companies did what they did, but they're still messed up. And it's an interesting space that it's not money that fixes it. It's a this balance to feel like you're being you always say, I'm not a human in the human race, I'm a human being. And to be able to tear it back a little bit to find out what is your being? Cause it gets so overshadowed and layered with so much as we have to go out and take the punishment of the world of what we gotta deliver to our families to make them feel happy, secure, and safe. And so, Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: and that's a whole nother we ought to do a whole podcast on that alone. I'll dig into that. I've got a lot of information on that. So what was the second layered question? Michael Turner: the long term health effects of staying in survival mode. Paul Padgett: Okay, so I'm gonna defer to Duron's answers on that. It's killing men. Dar'Ron Anderson: Mm-hmm. Paul Padgett: literally. you've got coronary stuff because most people don't realize that they've got high blood pressure because the anxiety and the pressure that's you've just Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah. Paul Padgett: beating them to death. And men inherently do not want to go to the doctor because, for one thing, deep down, they don't want to hear the news that they're probably gonna hear because they are jacked up, they're keeping it repressed. keeping it bottled up and they know that if they go to the doctor, they're gonna have to tell their wife, maybe their girlfriend, and all of a sudden now whole that's a whole nother hell it breaks loose. Or yeah, Dar'Ron Anderson: Or or both. Michael Turner: Right. Paul Padgett: they even worse. Yeah. Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah. Paul Padgett: Exactly. Well said. Thank you. but they that's a whole nother topic. So I have a thing and I want to talk to that about me and we'll do this on the next one. It's called life screening. And so I help a lot of men. It's not going to a doctor. Life screening is unbelievable. In 10 minutes, they can check everything of your body, everything that's going on without an invasive doctor visit. it's remarkable what technology is doing right now. And I do want to have that talk, definitely even for you all. that we help Dar'Ron Anderson: Yeah, absolutely. Paul Padgett: all men move into this space. Where is it? so. It's life screening. So I have to say one thing. And I talk from experience because I don't talk about doing something without doing it myself. And so it literally goes in, shows your coronary health, and they hook up these little gadgets to your body, and it reads the whole thing. It is insane. And I'll, you know what? I'll load some of this so you can share it. But it goes in to show you I've Yo, abdominal, aortic, aneurysm illustrations and where your normal artery should be to your abnormal, and it breaks these results down in this red, yellow, green. And I have to say one thing at 60, and I did this about five weeks before I turned 60, all normal. But here's the thing: I do it every six months because here's the one thing that most men don't do. They wait till it's too late, then you don't have a ability Dar'Ron Anderson: Right. Paul Padgett: to reverse. And I wanted to do one thing with all the people that I teach train around the world is that you know what? If you're gonna take your car in that you love your raptor or you love whatever you bought and you're gonna get the oil change, you're gonna meet all the warranty stuff. Why wouldn't you meet the warranty on what your body needs? You know? Dar'Ron Anderson: Absolutely. Paul Padgett: And it it really blows my mind that you'll go burn 800 bucks getting your car fixed. And keep that baby ready to roll down the road. But the only thing that's in keeping it rolling down the road is you're felt healthy enough to drive the damn thing, you know? Michael Turner: Exactly. Paul Padgett: And so I want I will share this. I I look forward to not only I want to have you guys on my podcast, we're gonna do a long one. We we're gonna have to roll this baby two hours out, with some extensions on the back end. Yeah. Michael Turner: I know. We're gonna listen. We've only got through two segments out of five. So we're definitely gonna go into part two. We truly Paul Padgett: No. Yes. Michael Turner: appreciate everybody listening to this one. Stay tuned because part two is gonna come right after we we drop this one. So thanks everybody for listening and we'll catch you next week. Paul Padgett: Thank you everybody.