Latest / The Raising Emotionally Intelligent Humans Podcast / My Baby’s Growing: The Big Feelings of Sending Your Baby to Kindergarten (Special Episode)
Transcript
- Heidi Lindeman: Hello and welcome to the Raising Emotionally Intelligent Humans podcast. I'm Heidi Lindemann, your host, a single mom by choice, a therapist who'll never have feelings, and a mama who's about to have a kindergartner. I just wanted to come on here today and share a little bit about my experience with my daughter turning five and her being on the horizon of starting kindergarten in August. Right now I'm recording this, it's the end of May. And then I want to share with you a little offering that I'm creating because I honestly need a more of a village. I need to be able to sit with other moms who are also going through this shift of having a kid. My baby became a toddler. My toddler became a preschooler. And my preschooler is now about to be a kindergartner, which just feels really big. And I know I'm not alone. Something I have noticed. I've been invited to many kindergarten meetings, not many, at least a couple, ⁓ parent meetings where they like from her school, they tell all about the how to help her with school, how to prep her, what she needs, what kind of material she needs. ⁓ she only has a 20-minute lunch, so practice this summer with making sure she can eat lunch in 20 minutes so she's not starving. ⁓ no d tell her how a drop off happens, that it I don't get to go inside anymore with her, that I drop her off outside and she stands at the in a column at a line, ⁓ in the playground and she goes in with her teachers. You know, just like prepping her for what her experience in kindergarten is gonna be like. And I'm so grateful that these meetings are here so that I have that type of support, that I have support for thinking through the things that she may be needing and how to best prepare ourselves for this shift and this transition. Most of it though feels logistical. There's a little bit of emotional stuff at least for her, with like, is your kid feeling anxious or things like that, but not much. And there is Not that I can remember any real conversations about how are you really doing as a parent, as a mom. What are you feeling as your baby, your preschooler is growing and becoming a kindergarten? What are you feeling in the transition of this, in the weight of this, in the hugeness of this? Because it is big, it is a big shift. It's sending my little my kid who is like the big fish in the little school right now to be the little fish in a big school where there's a lot more that she's gonna experience. And there's parts of me that are afraid about that and that are sad about that and that are excited about that and that are proud of her and in awe of her. So I wrote a poem and I want to read it to you. Mm-hmm. It's about my kiddo becoming, ⁓ a kindergartner, a five year old. My baby is five years old. She seems so big. Her smile radiates when she spells a word. Standing tall, eyes beaming, uplifted soul as she hands me a heart she drew. She cut out and she wrote her name on. You're gonna love it, Mom. Her caring heart making me art that brings tears to my eyes. Tears of gratitude, tears of overflowing love. Tears because somehow this five-year-old child knows the deepest things that lights up my soul. She's magic, I tell you. Her magic has bursted into this world in a gentle wisdom look since she was a baby. She grasps the souls of strangers. Stirring them, bringing delight and love to them. She doesn't even have to try. She's merely herself. My heart swells. I feel in awe of her. I feel blessed to be her mom. Grateful. She's my baby. But here we are a full five years later. My body feels solid, grounded, present. I'm more me than I ever was before. Grateful for the love she's brought into my life. Yet there's a part of me terrified, shaking in my chest, worry rising up, tears being held back, yet wanting to burst forth. Tears that would scream, I don't want her to go, not to the big school, not where children have been shot and killed. Another part laments. Why, ⁓ why do I have to hold this worry? Why ⁓ why have they not fixed this problem? Why ⁓ why do they keep letting people loose with guns? Who act out their anger, their pain on innocent little children. Another part boils in anger. I hate this. I hate they haven't truly taken a stand. So many moms have been screaming, whispering. Taking action, daring to speak for years at least thirty or so. How the fuck is gun violence not resolved by now? I sink in despair. I don't want her to get hurt. I don't want her to die. I would be devastated. My life ruined if my baby ends up like those who have been killed. A part with hopelessness sits deep down. There doesn't appear to be anything grand I can do to change the world. Even though I do support those who have been fighting for safety. Safety feels fleeting, untrue. Always something that could happen to her. I dream about keeping her home safe, contained, teaching her myself, exploring the world together, me by her side. But that remains a dream. The worldly life calls for me to make money, make enough so we can so we can have a safe home. Food to eat, clothes to wear, joy to be felt. I create the safest place I can here at home. She has to venture out. She will go to kindergarten. I pray she will be kept safe, will grow and learn, will be in curiosity and become more of who she is. I pray, I send protection her way, using whatever magic and energy I have to keep her safe. Sending a child, my baby, to kindergarten is filled with chaotic feelings, a whole gamut of feelings, from excitement to fear to terror, to despair, to hopelessness, to action, to gratitude, to amazement in awe, awe of hope. Who she is. Awe of what she will become, awe of who I am, awe of who I have become, awe of who I will become. What I need most is connection, connection with other moms, connection with those on a similar path, connection to all my feelings and parts, connection to my child. Because it is in connection that life exists. So that's just a poem that I wrote about some of my experience and feelings with my kiddo going to kindergarten or getting ready to. And I have an offering for you, mama. For you who also is preparing for your kid to go to kindergarten. Or for you, mama, who just completed kindergarten and your kiddo is now gonna go to first grade. If you are feeling these types of feelings, this offering is for you. On july thirty first, two thousand and twenty-six. I'm gonna hold a sacred group. It's called we're growing, Mom. And this is a space where we come together as moms to honor and nourish our own parts. We're gonna gather in a circle. We're gonna touch into how we really truly feel. I'm gonna hold you in safety, in sacredness, and I'm gonna honor any way you feel. All parts are You'll get to journal a little bit if that's your jam. And then we create art. Art that needs no skill. I promise you, you really don't need any skill for this art. You gotta put your emotions onto a page onto a page, onto a canvas. And then you're gonna take that canvas home with you. And then if you choose, you can put a picture of your child. Maybe your baby and then your kindergartner, maybe just your kindergartner, because your emotions, your feelings are encompassing all of them too. All of your child, that is. They're the backdrop. Whether you honor them or notice them or not, your feelings are there. They're present and your kids know them. They are a backdrop to your entire life. And I want you to honor them. And I want to help transform and to move them and to alchemize anything that is happening so that this kindergarten transition you can feel more empowered and grounded, more connected to yourself. Bonus if you also create more of a mom village, because you will have that opportunity to connect with other moms in this group and moving forward. I have to wrap up because I have to go get my children soon. So the next steps, go to the show notes. There's a link in there that takes you to the to a website where you can read more about it, and you can register right there. And everything will be taken care of you, taken care of for you in this three hour time from nine to to noon on Friday, july thirty first. And I really hope to see you there, Mama. I really want to hold space for you. So go read more. If you have questions, feel free to reach out to me and then register. And if you know of other moms who have kindergartners or moms who just had kindergartners graduate this past summer, send this to them too. They're welcome too. This will be in person in Longmont, Colorado, so I guess you're gonna need to be close to Longmont, Colorado. You can fly in if you'd like to. But it will be hosted in Longmont. Thank you for listening. Whether you register or not, I hope that my reflection on my kiddo going to kindergarten helps you too. That you can feel into your own feelings to notice what parts of you are stirring around and maybe spend some time with them. If you can't come to the ritual or the gathering yourself, create some of your own art. Draw out your feelings. Write them out. Let them come out. Because it does matter. It helps you be a better mama when you're not holding your feelings inside to yourself. Alright, well you know what to do. Go to the show notes, click on the link, read more about it, register, and I will see you then and come back to listen to more episodes.