Latest / onefjef / Who Invented Candy Canes?

Transcript

Who Invented Candy Canes? · onefjef

• 0:00
  Bubby, when? What's your favourite thing about Christmas?
• 0:06
  Oh my goodness, that's interesting. What's your least favourite thing about Christmas?
• 0:14
  Sounds like Bubby’s got some friends!
• 0:23
  This is episode 29 of onefjef.
• 0:27
  29 is a prime number that tends to show up when neat systems start to strain.
• 0:32
  February only reaches 29 when the calendar needs correcting,
• 0:36
  and the lunar month lands at about 29 and a half days, which is why early time keeping was never clean.
• 0:42
  It sits just beyond 28.
• 0:44
  A number long-treated as complete, giving 29 the feel of spillover rather than closure.
• 0:50
  The extra beat after a cycle should be done.
• 0:52
  Hello my friends, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, so forth.
• 0:58
  I hope you're all thriving, as always.
• 1:02
  I'm digging into my archive this week and playing a Christmas radio show that I recorded 19 years ago when I was in film school in Savannah, Georgia.
• 1:13
  It's the first appearance of a character who I now call Feffrey but who in this radio show goes by Nigel.
• 1:22
  This episode is definitely a departure from my normal content, but it's Christmas, and this radio show has a bit of a cult status among some of my friends.
• 1:34
  So it feels appropriate to share it with the world now that I have a place to share it.
• 1:40
  And speaking of Christmas, if you've been enjoying this podcast over the last seven months, please consider giving me the gift of a small donation by way of my Patreon page.
• 1:51
  As little as $5 a month and you get access to a bunch of extra content, and you'll help support the show, which I gift you for free every week.
• 2:00
  Simply go to patreon.com/onefjef and sign up.
• 2:04
  And thank you as always to my current Patreon subscribers. I really do appreciate the support.
• 2:10
  Just as a disclaimer, what you're about to hear was recorded 19 years ago, and I'm playing a character.
• 2:17
  So any opinions and beliefs expressed by that character are not mine. They're Feffrey's.
• 2:24
  There's also quite a bit of offensive language in there, so this one might not be for the kids, or my mom. Consider yourself warned.
• 2:32
  And there's also music in the original radio show, which I've had to cut on here so that Spotify doesn't get mad at me.
• 2:39
  This is going to be a divisive episode, and I'm okay with that.
• 2:45
  Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here.
• 2:49
  Here's Candy Canes. Recorded on December 8, 2006.
• 2:57
  Ding dong is Christmas! Hello everyone, it's me again, Simbaland.
• 3:09
  And I'm here with you on the radio to tell you about Christmas stories.
• 3:17
  All right, one story is two years ago on Christmas, my brother died.
• 3:23
  Bling, bling, bling, long. Oh! Oh, it's silly. It's silly it is. Seriously though.
• 3:35
  Ladies and gentlemen, Christmas is a magical time of year.
• 3:40
  One time on Christmas, I got a sandwich from my uncle.
• 3:48
  Oh, he was at a delicious cheese sandwich with mayonnaise and cheddar cheese.
• 3:54
  Oh, blind me. It was fucking delicious.
• 4:00
  Oh, another time on Christmas. I got a cheese.
• 4:09
  Oh, just a moment. I got a candy cane. Oh, it looks candy canes.
• 4:21
  Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, that's the candy cane noise.
• 4:26
  Every time you hear that noise, you'd think of candy canes.
• 4:31
  Candy canes! Candy canes! Candy canes were invented.
• 4:43
  Oh, a pint. A mint. I don't know.
• 4:49
  Okay, it's Christmas song.
• 4:55
  Nope, nope, nope. It's not the best. Nope. Nope. It's not the candy canes song.
• 5:04
  Nope. Nope. There it is. Candy canes. Candy canes. Candy canes.
• 5:13
  I think, alright. So, as I was saying last two years ago on Christmas, my brother died.
• 5:25
  Dingling, dong dong dong. His name was Dibi. Dibi and I wanted to die.
• 5:35
  Oh, I forget. He took the candy cane. Oh, dingling, ding dong. Candy canes.
• 5:44
  This is falling to pieces. I had, um, got to think.
• 5:52
  Alright. You know another thing I would like about Christmas.
• 5:58
  Is gummy. Gummy sweets. And uh.
• 6:06
  Oh, weather. Weather. Okay. In the weather tonight it'll be.
• 6:10
  Since the sleigh is going to be difficult to...
• 6:15
  Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, it's going to be chilly.
• 6:20
  Okay. Chili.
• 6:25
  Alright. Now it's time for segment on the show.
• 6:31
  I like to call trivia game time with candy.
• 6:36
  Not candy cane, just candy. Alright.
• 6:39
  We're going to give Dean a call to see what he knows the answer to the trivia question.
• 6:47
  Can you hear it ringing, dingling? Here he is.
• 6:52
  Ringy dingy. Let's see if he's out. Ringy ding ding dong.
• 6:58
  Ringy ding ding dong. Ringy dong. Ringy ding ding dong.
• 7:04
  Ringy ding ding dong. Ringy ding dong.
• 7:09
  He's not answering his phone. He needs an asking the question about Christmas.
• 7:16
  Nope. No answer.
• 7:20
  No candy cane for pain. Oh, shit.
• 7:29
  Maybe. Welcome to Verizon. No.
• 7:32
  Blimey. Alright. Let's try somebody else.
• 7:37
  Okay. Let's try Colleen. Let's see if Colleen will answer.
• 7:43
  Here we go. Oh, it sounds busy. Let's try it again.
• 7:49
  Jesus, take your other video. Here we go.
• 7:54
  Ringy ding ding dong. Ringy ding ding dong. Ringy ding ding dong. Ringy ding ding do.
• 8:03
  Hello Colleen. Yes. I want a little radio show and I have a question about Christmas.
• 8:16
  Colleen. What would you answer the question about Christmas? You're on the air.
• 8:23
  What about the radio show and Christmas? You have to answer the question about Christmas.
• 8:28
  Okay. Are you ready?
• 8:32
  Yeah. Alright. Who invented the candy cane?
• 8:39
  30 seconds.
• 8:42
  i don't know........it's that someone.....
• 8:48
  who is that tell me
• 8:51
  is he homosexual now?
• 8:52
  i think he knows
• 8:55
  o응 , he is dead
• 8:58
  who invented the candy cane ?
• 9:02
  i just think
• 9:05
  quickly
• 9:07
  who invented the candy cane bro?
• 9:12
  no no no i'm sorry i'm sorry
• 9:16
  sorry
• 9:18
  no it wasn't
• 9:20
  no it's a bruise
• 9:22
  what?
• 9:23
  i was a bit of a bad thing
• 9:25
  it was a bruise
• 9:26
  oh alright
• 9:28
  ok i don't know
• 9:31
  what you....
• 9:33
  oh boy
• 9:35
  bruise
• 9:36
  well no i'm sorry
• 9:38
  no it's not bruising
• 9:41
  but it's very thank you for playing
• 9:44
  um we'll send you a....
• 9:46
  i was i was giving away
• 9:48
  we're giving away candy cane
• 9:50
  you want candy cane?
• 9:52
  no wait
• 9:55
  no no no no
• 9:56
  what that's the prize?
• 9:58
  i don't know
• 10:00
  do you want to choose
• 10:01
  do you want to choose sandwich?
• 10:03
  we have two sandwiches
• 10:05
  i'll send you it in the mail
• 10:07
  i don't want to
• 10:09
  bring a tree sandwich to you
• 10:11
  oh god
• 10:13
  send you a bring it
• 10:15
  the name of this bio is the candy cane
• 10:17
  you can use it because of
• 10:19
  a lot of people
• 10:21
  got rid of all the stuff
• 10:23
  and stuff
• 10:24
  so send you a bring your tree sandwich
• 10:26
  do you want to do it?
• 10:28
  do you want to do it?
• 10:29
  do you want to do it?
• 10:31
  alright that was calling
• 10:33
  answering about Bruce Simonston
• 10:35
  uh not the inventor of the candy cane
• 10:37
  alright isn't it a song?
• 10:39
  oh god
• 10:41
  oh god
• 10:43
  okay that was
• 10:49
  Elvis Prittle with
• 10:51
  you're coming
• 10:53
  center claws
• 10:55
  ding dong ding dong
• 10:57
  alright
• 10:59
  let's try
• 11:01
  we have not gotten in and
• 11:03
  stuff for a trivia game
• 11:05
  happy time
• 11:07
  so let's give another call
• 11:09
  to
• 11:11
  computer store
• 11:13
  oh i've had too many candy cane
• 11:17
  to be a winning them
• 11:19
  and even paper
• 11:21
  had to get down
• 11:23
  correct
• 11:25
  where's the computer store?
• 11:27
  alright
• 11:29
  here we go
• 11:31
  we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:33
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:35
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:37
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:39
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:41
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:43
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:45
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:47
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:49
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:51
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:53
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:55
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:57
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 11:59
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:01
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:03
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:05
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:07
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:09
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:11
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:13
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:15
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:17
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:19
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:21
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:23
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:25
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:27
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:29
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:31
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:33
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:35
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:37
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:39
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:41
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:43
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:45
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:47
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:49
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:51
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:53
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:55
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:57
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 12:59
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:01
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:03
  and we have a lot of candy cane
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  and we have a lot of candy cane
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  and we have a lot of candy cane
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  and we have a lot of candy cane
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  and we have a lot of candy cane
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  and we have a lot of candy cane
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  and we have a lot of candy cane
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  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:19
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:21
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:23
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:25
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:27
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:29
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:31
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:33
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:35
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:37
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:39
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:41
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:43
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:45
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:47
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:49
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:51
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:53
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:55
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:57
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 13:59
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 14:01
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 14:03
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 14:05
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 14:07
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 14:09
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 14:11
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 14:13
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 14:15
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 14:17
  and we have a lot of candy cane
• 14:19
  that's interesting what's your least favorite thing about Christmas?
• 14:26
  It sounds like Bubby's got some friends. Okay back to the music in a moment.
• 14:42
  Um, Bubby, why don't you like me anymore? No?
• 14:50
  Yes? No?
• 14:54
  Oh! Did you hear that last one?
• 14:59
  That was the last one. All right.
• 15:03
  Um, I don't have anything else to say.
• 15:12
  Okay, this is a Christmas song about Santa Claus. Okay, okay.
• 15:20
  There we go with the trivia time game continued.
• 15:26
  Search for the winner of the game. Let's try calling D to gain.
• 15:32
  No. Yes! Okay, here we go. See if we can get an answer to our trivia game.
• 15:43
  Here we go. Ring-a-ding-ding-ding-dong. Ring-a-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Hello, Dane! Hello, Dane! Hello, Dane! Hello, Dane! Yeah, we're having a trivia game on the radio. Would you like to answer the question?
• 16:01
  Yeah. Okay, are you ready? Yeah. Okay, who invented candy cane? Who invented candy cane?
• 16:13
  What's that candy cane? Who invented candy cane?
• 16:19
  Oh, it invented candy cane? Okay. It's candy cane.
• 16:25
  No, no, no, sorry. Would you like another guess? It's not the candy, ma'am. It's different.
• 16:35
  Okay. Would you like another guess? No. You could win a candy cane. Okay. Do you want to win a cheese sandwich?
• 16:47
  Yes. Okay. Just again. Give it to another try. Who invented candy cane?
• 16:59
  No, no. It's a fictional character. All right. He's not real. One more try. One more try. I'll give you another go.
• 17:09
  Who invented candy cane? Who is it? I'm...
• 17:19
  Five seconds. Who? No! What the hell is it? Indian, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. They keep it playing. Thank you. Good boy.
• 17:29
  Oh another loser nobody knows who invented candy cane. Oh boy this is going to be a long program I believe.
• 17:40
  Ding ding ding dong that means it's time for another song. Ding ding ding dong time for a song. Ding ding ding dong time to play a song. Ding ding ding dong.
• 17:57
  Let's try one more. Let's see if somebody else knows what a candy cane. Let's call Ryan to see what he says.
• 18:03
  Thank you. Oh Ryan. Calling Ryan. See what he says. All right.
• 18:09
  Here he comes.
• 18:15
  Here we are. Ding ding dong.
• 18:20
  Hello yes Ryan you're on radio and I have a trivia game would you like to play?
• 18:27
  Sure. Okay. Who invented are you ready?
• 18:32
  Yes. Who invented candy cane?
• 18:36
  Robin B candy.
• 18:40
  No which it's not correct.
• 18:44
  No it's not right would you like another try?
• 18:51
  Thomas B candy cane.
• 18:53
  No you're off track it's not Thomas is wrong.
• 18:58
  We're giving away candy canes would you like to win one?
• 19:04
  You'll get one more chance to win a candy cane if you can't do for inventive candy canes.
• 19:12
  Who wants it? I'm sick of it.
• 19:16
  No yes.
• 19:20
  Help. Help.
• 19:22
  No I'm sorry you lose you lose no candy cane for you.
• 19:27
  All right well it's certainly going to be a long night and here's the oh wrong one.
• 19:35
  Ding ding ding dong time for a song. This time for real.
• 19:40
  *sad music*
• 19:48
  Bring it on! Here we are again!
• 19:50
  Blu-blu-blu-blu-blu!
• 19:52
  Blu-blu-blu!
• 19:54
  It's Christmas again! It's still Christmas!
• 19:57
  And we still don't have a winner for the Trevor again!
• 20:02
  *sad music*
• 20:03
  Buh-buh!
• 20:04
  Okay!
• 20:05
  So we're going to call...
• 20:08
  Em-let's see who we should call!
• 20:11
  Quite a kitty!
• 20:13
  We will call...
• 20:15
  ...Dibby don't!
• 20:16
  This game we tried earlier, but she wouldn't have to phone!
• 20:20
  Let's see if it's here this time.
• 20:23
  See us gently know the answer to the crib is again.
• 20:27
  I hope so!
• 20:28
  Let's see if it's just the phone!
• 20:31
  Ding-a-ding-a-ding-dong!
• 20:33
  And we're moving you through the phone goalie!
• 20:37
  *sad music*
• 20:39
  Hey!
• 20:40
  Hello, Christine! I'm on the radio and I have a trivia game question for you.
• 20:45
  Are you all right?
• 20:47
  I have a trivia... oh... trivia...
• 20:50
  Hello!
• 20:52
  Hello!
• 20:53
  Hello, Christine!
• 20:54
  Would you like to play the trivia game?
• 20:57
  A trivia game?
• 20:59
  Yes, it's for the radio. I'm on the radio and I have a trivia game!
• 21:04
  Are you ready?
• 21:07
  Yeah!
• 21:08
  Who invented CandyKey?
• 21:12
  Oh...
• 21:14
  Okay, it's another one.
• 21:16
  Alright.
• 21:18
  Are you still on the phone? I don't know!
• 21:20
  No, you're going to have a guess so you just have to give up!
• 21:24
  Oh, it's been a really long day!
• 21:27
  It doesn't matter! Do you want to win?
• 21:29
  We're giving away CandyKeyes for the winner!
• 21:32
  Do you want to win a CandyKeyes or not?
• 21:36
  I don't want a CandyKeyes.
• 21:38
  We have G-Stan Witches.
• 21:41
  Okay.
• 21:42
  Okay, who invented the CandyKeyes?
• 21:46
  Um...
• 21:48
  Okay, the only thing going to mind was St. Nick.
• 21:52
  Santa Closed it, not invent CandyKeyes?
• 21:55
  No!
• 21:56
  No! Do you want another guess?
• 21:58
  No!
• 21:59
  Do you want one more guess?
• 22:02
  Give it to another try!
• 22:05
  Give it to one more try!
• 22:07
  Okay, um, we're now.
• 22:09
  No! Come on!
• 22:11
  Give it to real try!
• 22:13
  Oh, no!
• 22:14
  Do you want to win a G-Stan Witch or not?
• 22:17
  Uh, I just ate, actually.
• 22:20
  Ruining Christmas!
• 22:22
  Christine! Christine!
• 22:27
  I'm a stripper, too!
• 22:29
  Who invented CandyKeyes?
• 22:32
  I don't know!
• 22:34
  Christine!
• 22:35
  Listen! Listen to me!
• 22:37
  Christine, listen to me!
• 22:39
  Christine, what'd you say?
• 22:41
  Your speaker's on guard!
• 22:43
  Who invented CandyKeyes?
• 22:46
  I don't know!
• 22:48
  Who did it?
• 22:49
  Well then you don't win!
• 22:52
  Well, there's another loser.
• 22:54
  And here's another song!
• 22:56
  [Music]
• 23:06
  Alright!
• 23:07
  It's almost time for me to finish...
• 23:10
  Me Christmas!
• 23:12
  Ding, ding, ding, dance!
• 23:14
  I just don't care anymore, it's been...
• 23:16
  The thing is,
• 23:18
  if you do a Christmas show and it goes on too long,
• 23:20
  people will get bored!
• 23:22
  And they don't want people to get bored!
• 23:24
  What you want is people to be fun joy!
• 23:28
  For Christmas!
• 23:30
  Ding, ding, ding, dance!
• 23:33
  And nobody want a CandyKeyes!
• 23:37
  Nobody want a CandyKeyes!
• 23:40
  See, it's disappointing to me that nobody knows who invented the CandyKeyes!
• 23:47
  Who raised all of me friends?
• 23:51
  Wolves raised me friends!
• 23:55
  Did Jews raise me friends?
• 23:59
  Because if Jews raised me friends,
• 24:01
  then it makes sense that they wouldn't know who invented the CandyKeyes!
• 24:05
  Because Jews don't eat CandyKeyes!
• 24:08
  I know that for sure!
• 24:11
  Jews eat bagels and set in salmon, I think!
• 24:17
  But I don't know what they eat on Christmas!
• 24:19
  They don't think it matters what they eat on Christmas!
• 24:21
  Because they don't celebrate Christmas!
• 24:23
  Ding, ding, ding, dong!
• 24:27
  In other news,
• 24:31
  Christmas is almost here!
• 24:33
  And you know what my favourite thing about Christmas is?
• 24:37
  Is the Christmas cards!
• 24:40
  Doesn't all like better than getting a big old Christmas card!
• 24:45
  And with a picture of people who sent it in a long little note
• 24:57
  that says what the people have been doing all year!
• 25:01
  Because you know what?
• 25:03
  I don't give a shit what you do!
• 25:06
  You know what? My fucking brother died!
• 25:09
  You know, two years ago, and nobody seems to give a shit!
• 25:13
  You know, everybody seems to be like hello!
• 25:15
  Last year I went skiing!
• 25:17
  La la la!
• 25:19
  You know what I did this last year?
• 25:21
  I sat around thinking about me dead brother!
• 25:23
  How you like that?
• 25:25
  What would you think about sending a card out with a picture of me dead brother?
• 25:29
  And a big word in the back says, "Oh I did think about me dead brother!"
• 25:33
  Would you like that?
• 25:35
  I didn't think so!
• 25:37
  Alright!
• 25:39
  Well,
• 25:41
  you would Christmas story!
• 25:43
  Alright!
• 25:45
  One year on Christmas in 2004,
• 25:49
  it was Christmas morning!
• 25:51
  I woke up and I went downstairs,
• 25:53
  and I went into the kitchen,
• 25:55
  and I smelled something funny!
• 25:57
  And you know what that funny smell was?
• 25:59
  It was me brother's blood and vomit all over the floor!
• 26:03
  And I looked down,
• 26:05
  and it was a Christmas miracle!
• 26:07
  My brother had blown his brains out all over the floor!
• 26:11
  Oh! I said to myself,
• 26:13
  "Who?"
• 26:15
  And he was dead!
• 26:19
  And then we didn't open our presents!
• 26:23
  Although I got my brother a hanky chief!
• 26:29
  But I never gave it to him because he was dead!
• 26:33
  But I never gave it to him because he killed himself!
• 26:37
  Oh!
• 26:39
  Why?
• 26:41
  Didn't he ring the horn?
• 26:43
  Okay!
• 26:45
  So,
• 26:47
  to continue the story,
• 26:49
  we took my brother to the
• 26:51
  creamer's morgue,
• 26:53
  and he buried him!
• 26:55
  Alright!
• 26:57
  Merry Christmas!
• 27:01
  [Music]
• 27:09
  Oh!
• 27:11
  My day!
• 27:13
  Did you think?
• 27:15
  No more than that down stuff!
• 27:17
  We got to finish my Christmas show!
• 27:19
  And to finish my Christmas show,
• 27:21
  we got to find somebody who knows who invented candy cane!
• 27:27
  [Music]
• 27:29
  Alright! Let's call Michael in New York City!
• 27:35
  See a pinnows who invented candy cane!
• 27:39
  Or if you'll answer his ear!
• 27:41
  Because normally, he doesn't have to answer his phone!
• 27:43
  Let's see if he answers his phone!
• 27:47
  Let's make this place for Christmas miracle!
• 27:51
  Ding ding dong!
• 27:53
  [Music]
• 27:55
  Ding ding dong!
• 27:57
  Come on! That's your phone!
• 27:59
  [Music]
• 28:01
  Come on!
• 28:03
  Oh!
• 28:05
  Nope!
• 28:07
  [Music]
• 28:09
  Ding ding dong!
• 28:11
  No, I mean...
• 28:13
  [Music]
• 28:15
  No!
• 28:17
  Somebody doesn't want to win a candy cane!
• 28:19
  [Music]
• 28:21
  No! Somebody doesn't want to win a candy cane!
• 28:23
  Let's try somebody else!
• 28:25
  I'll be going to cold!
• 28:27
  Find it!
• 28:29
  Out! Let's see!
• 28:31
  [Music]
• 28:33
  Already called him!
• 28:35
  And they won't answer the phone!
• 28:37
  New!
• 28:39
  Let's see here!
• 28:41
  Nope! Nope!
• 28:43
  [Music]
• 28:45
  Let's try! Let's try Joanna!
• 28:47
  Let's see if she answers his phone!
• 28:49
  She normally doesn't have to answer his phone!
• 28:51
  Ding ding dong!
• 28:53
  This is a phone! Hello!
• 28:55
  Oh! No!
• 28:57
  [Music]
• 28:59
  Ding ding dong!
• 29:01
  [Music]
• 29:03
  [Music]
• 29:05
  [Sigh]
• 29:07
  Christ!
• 29:09
  Get in tired of this here!
• 29:11
  Just as you are!
• 29:13
  I mean, we're all getting tired of you!
• 29:15
  Open answer their phone!
• 29:17
  [Music]
• 29:19
  You have read!
• 29:21
  Now fucking hell!
• 29:23
  Alright, who are we going to try now?
• 29:25
  Let's see here!
• 29:27
  I'm running out of friends!
• 29:31
  Oh, let's try Sarah!
• 29:33
  Let's try Sarah's phone!
• 29:35
  Oh, I'll try her cellphone hit!
• 29:37
  Errrr...
• 29:39
  Oh, let's try Kirsten!
• 29:41
  [Music]
• 29:43
  Kirsten, see if she answers her phone!
• 29:45
  Alright, here we go!
• 29:47
  It's very exciting! I think we all understand the excitement going on there!
• 29:51
  Yeah! Alright, here we go!
• 29:53
  [Music]
• 29:55
  Ding ding ding dong!
• 29:57
  Alright!
• 29:59
  [Music]
• 30:01
  You can feel the tension, can't you?
• 30:03
  [Music]
• 30:05
  [Music]
• 30:07
  Oh, I'm getting bored!
• 30:09
  [Music]
• 30:11
  [Music]
• 30:15
  Christ almighty, there's nobody home!
• 30:17
  It's fucking Christmas!
• 30:19
  It's bloody Christmas and nobody's answering their fucking phone!
• 30:23
  [Music]
• 30:25
  God damn it! It's fucking Christmas and nobody finds their fucking phone!
• 30:29
  Alright, we're going Ryan!
• 30:31
  Let her yaistick!
• 30:33
  Here we go!
• 30:35
  See if he answered his fucking phone!
• 30:37
  [Music]
• 30:39
  No, nobody, a teacher, a teacher!
• 30:41
  And nobody will have to taste the phone!
• 30:43
  [Music]
• 30:47
  Bloody hell, fucking ridiculous!
• 30:51
  [Music]
• 30:53
  Hey, Jeff!
• 30:55
  Hello Ryan, it's not Jef! It's Nigel!
• 30:57
  We're calling with the Christmas, uh, Christmas trivia game!
• 30:59
  Would you like to play?
• 31:01
  Sure!
• 31:03
  Alright, are you ready?
• 31:05
  Yes!
• 31:07
  It's a Christmas trivia game!
• 31:09
  You could win something!
• 31:11
  Okay!
• 31:13
  Are you ready to play?
• 31:15
  I'm ready!
• 31:17
  Alright, who invented the candy cane?
• 31:19
  [Music]
• 31:21
  [Music]
• 31:23
  Really want to go?
• 31:25
  No, no, no! You're the second person to guess that!
• 31:27
  And it's not correct!
• 31:29
  Would you like another try?
• 31:31
  [Music]
• 31:33
  Yes!
• 31:35
  I can try!
• 31:37
  Alright, who invented the candy cane?
• 31:41
  [Music]
• 31:43
  Oh!
• 31:45
  [Music]
• 31:47
  Come on!
• 31:49
  Really want to go?
• 31:51
  No, you just...
• 31:53
  Ryan, do you want to win a candy cane?
• 31:55
  We're giving away candy canes!
• 31:57
  You're not going to win what was that attitude?
• 31:59
  [Music]
• 32:01
  No, I don't want one!
• 32:03
  sandwich. Yep. I have to get you admitted to that, too. No, you have sent a guess to
• 32:09
  Inventors to candy cane! I'll give you one more try. I'll give you one more guess. This is
• 32:19
  the last one. Are you ready? Yeah. Who invented the Candy Cane! No you-- Oh, damn
• 32:31
  it. No! Do you really think that's who invented it? Are you just being silly? I don't know who invented
• 32:38
  it. Why didn't you say so at the beginning instead of wasting our time?
• 32:44
  Blind me. There's no people. Nobody knows who invented anything. I've had it. Blind me.
• 32:57
  People are just ruining Christmas for me. And I don't particularly care for the attitude
• 33:04
  of people who would-- The show is over. All right? Nobody guessed the right answer. And I'm
• 33:11
  not good to tell you who it is either. I'm not good to tell you. Because you know, you'll
• 33:16
  have to fucking look it up and learn next year, and then you maybe get to try it. That's
• 33:20
  if-- Perhaps if my question is the same. But maybe I won't ask who invented the candy
• 33:25
  cane next year. Maybe you'll all be fucked. Maybe you'll all be a fucking shit creed with no
• 33:30
  fucking paddle. And nobody will have a fucking candy cane or a cheese God damn sandwich. And I'm
• 33:35
  gonna fucking eat them all myself. Merry fucking Christmas to all of your fuckers.
• 33:42
  And to all a good night. For the record, there is no evidence of a single known inventor
• 33:53
  of candy canes. Don't tell Feffrey. Also, I really don't like candy canes. But Feffrey
• 34:02
  does. And that's all that matters. If you have any thoughts or questions or complaints
• 34:08
  about this episode, please email me at onefjefpod@gmail.com. You can also email Feffrey at that email
• 34:16
  address. Just mention candy canes in the subject line.
• 34:21
  If you like the social media, you can follow the podcast on Instagram or Facebook @onefjefpod
• 34:27
  and on a bunch of other platforms which you can find in the show notes. It would seem
• 34:33
  somewhat bizarre to end this episode with a roomy poem. So I'll just say that I appreciate
• 34:40
  you tolerating my odd holiday diversion this week.
• 34:45
  And Feffrey does too. Isn't that right, Feffrey? Candy canes! I'll see you next week.
• 35:01
  Very good, Jeffrey!