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The Fifth Hour: On Board with Santa Benny · The Ben Maller Show

0:00
Speaker 1: Kubbooms.
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Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
0:05
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
0:09
Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
0:12
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
0:15
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to clearinghouse of
0:19
Speaker 2: hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
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Speaker 2: with Ben Maller starts right now.
0:28
Speaker 1: In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
0:34
Speaker 1: Mahler and Danny g Radio. A Happy Saturday to you.
0:37
Speaker 1: It is the twentieth day of December. We have NFL
0:40
Speaker 1: football today, two games. As you can tell, it's getting
0:44
Speaker 1: late in the year when they roll out the Saturday
0:47
Speaker 1: NFL games, and we have you covered on Benny versus
0:49
Speaker 1: the Penny. I know you have watched the Saturday special
0:53
Speaker 1: Green Bay and Chicago. That is the big game of
0:57
Speaker 1: the day, well week in a nod to the Eagles
1:01
Speaker 1: and the Washington Commanders. Clearly not that big a game
1:05
Speaker 1: because the Commanders are not only an NFL team they
1:08
Speaker 1: blow but the Bears Packers game. That's gonna be a
1:11
Speaker 1: good game. Looking forward to watching that later today, have
1:15
Speaker 1: the Big Malard party thing of a jig which will
1:19
Speaker 1: be taking place at some point today in an undisclosed location.
1:23
Speaker 1: So we have that to look forward to as we
1:26
Speaker 1: wind down twenty twenty five. And on this podcast we
1:31
Speaker 1: have the Great Equalizer and Game of Thrones, well, the
1:37
Speaker 1: Malord spin on the Game of Thrones. We have that
1:40
Speaker 1: for you to look forward to as we celebrate today.
1:44
Speaker 1: Not just your normal random Saturday. It's the dot your
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Speaker 1: Eyes Day. That's right. What the hell is dot your
1:52
Speaker 1: eyes Day? Well, it's one of those fugazy holidays every
1:56
Speaker 1: December twentieth every year, and you know the saying dot
2:01
Speaker 1: your eyes and cross your t's. Well, today is when
2:04
Speaker 1: you're supposed to dot your eyes. It's a very special day.
2:08
Speaker 1: And the history of the day, well, it goes back sometimes,
2:14
Speaker 1: I guess. I think it was eighteen forty nine there
2:17
Speaker 1: was an article written and that was the first time
2:22
Speaker 1: that expression dot your eyes and you know, cross your t's.
2:27
Speaker 1: That eighteen forty nine, how about that the earliest known
2:30
Speaker 1: evidence of that saying. And here we are all these
2:34
Speaker 1: years later, and there we are. I guess technically it
2:38
Speaker 1: goes back probably to like the three hundreds or something
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Speaker 1: like that. In eighteen forty nine, the idiom became official,
2:46
Speaker 1: became kosher, and it was used as an expression in
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Speaker 1: an article. And all these years later, here we are.
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Speaker 1: We still do it to this day. So make sure
2:56
Speaker 1: to dot your eyes. Let's get right into it. More
2:59
Speaker 1: tail from the Naked City in the Malad Militia. It
3:02
Speaker 1: was that magical day yet again. I told you on
3:06
Speaker 1: the Friday Podcast that I was planning on talking about
3:10
Speaker 1: my experience as Santa Benny on the Friday podcast, but
3:14
Speaker 1: that injustice, that crime that took place in Seattle, I
3:21
Speaker 1: had to do an emergency bonus Mallard monologue on the
3:24
Speaker 1: Seahawks Rams game. So that aside, today's the day rights.
3:29
Speaker 1: It was the magical day, the one that sneaks up
3:32
Speaker 1: on the calendar, you know, it's like a mischievous elf,
3:35
Speaker 1: if you will. And it was circled. It was on
3:38
Speaker 1: my phone, on my iPhone, I had the date. It's
3:41
Speaker 1: a yearly tradition, unlike any other That's what Jim Nantz
3:44
Speaker 1: would say. Unlike any other Hello, friends or patrons or whatever. Anyway,
3:50
Speaker 1: I much like the swallows returning the Mission San Juan
3:53
Speaker 1: Capistrano or the Turkey vultures better known locally as the Buzzards,
3:58
Speaker 1: because hey, this is America, and flapping back from their
4:04
Speaker 1: southern migration to roost and Hinckley Ridge, Ohio. Much like that,
4:10
Speaker 1: this was the day, the day that the guy you're
4:15
Speaker 1: listening to became someone else. I transitioned, if you will.
4:21
Speaker 1: We headed to the undisclosed city where my wife works,
4:25
Speaker 1: a place I will not name because mysteries deserve to
4:31
Speaker 1: be preserved, and I will preserve the mystery I will.
4:35
Speaker 1: And there I arrived, I got out of the malamobile,
4:38
Speaker 1: and I went into the metaphorical phone booth as just
4:42
Speaker 1: a normal man named Ben Mahler, overnight sports radio guy,
4:47
Speaker 1: dispenser of hot takes, cold pizza, metaphors, malarisms, all that,
4:52
Speaker 1: and then abra cadabra, woila presto poof Ta da lo,
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Speaker 1: and behold, I merged as Santa BENI from head to
5:07
Speaker 1: toe right now. Of course, it wasn't actually a phone booth,
5:11
Speaker 1: was a men's bathroom at the city yard, but nevertheless,
5:15
Speaker 1: in my head it was like a phone booth, and
5:18
Speaker 1: I was completely decked out head to toe in the
5:22
Speaker 1: iconic red Santa Claus outfit, the very same outfit that
5:27
Speaker 1: was popularized by Coca Cola, and is now that you're
5:31
Speaker 1: talking about the power of advertising, how big Coca Cola
5:35
Speaker 1: was back in the day they came up with the
5:38
Speaker 1: red Santa Claus and now it is universally accepted as
5:42
Speaker 1: historical fact. And this, I should note, is one of
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Speaker 1: my favorite events of the year, every December for many
5:50
Speaker 1: many years. I don't even know how many years it's been.
5:53
Speaker 1: This is my routine. It is sacred in its own
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Speaker 1: goofy way. And I'll explain this to you. I'm gonna
6:01
Speaker 1: cross boundaries here. I'm gonna explain this to Passover, you know,
6:05
Speaker 1: growing up celebrating Passover. Why was this night different from
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Speaker 1: all other nights? And the four questions for Santa Beni.
6:13
Speaker 1: On all other nights, we do not dress in costume.
6:17
Speaker 1: On this night, we dress from head to toe. On
6:20
Speaker 1: all other nights, we do not climb on the back
6:23
Speaker 1: of a fire truck. On this night, we sit on
6:26
Speaker 1: the back of a fire truck, right on the roof,
6:28
Speaker 1: but on the back. On all other nights, we are introverted.
6:32
Speaker 1: We try to avoid awkward conversations with strangers, and we
6:36
Speaker 1: try to avoid putting ourselves out in front of everyone.
6:39
Speaker 1: On this night we are extroverts. On all other nights
6:43
Speaker 1: we keep a relatively low profile. On this night, we
6:46
Speaker 1: are very much in the spotlight. Now. We got lucky.
6:51
Speaker 1: We did, and luck does matter in these things. The
6:54
Speaker 1: weather was cool, it was not frozen. We didn't get
6:59
Speaker 1: any rain. The fire truck did not break down, the
7:02
Speaker 1: engine work the entire night, All of these things. All
7:06
Speaker 1: of these things have happened in the past, usually when
7:09
Speaker 1: optimism was running high and we didn't really have any
7:13
Speaker 1: contingency plans. Those were running low. And what was the experience,
7:18
Speaker 1: Like I'm glad you asked, It was like being Mickey
7:22
Speaker 1: Mouse in the Main Street USA Electrical Parade. You are
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Speaker 1: not just a person anymore. You are a symbol. Kids
7:34
Speaker 1: waved and ran towards the truck like it was powered
7:36
Speaker 1: by pure magic. Parents smiled, old people smiled. Middle aged
7:42
Speaker 1: people who rarely smile without irony they smiled too. And
7:48
Speaker 1: we have people waving from cars bringing their dogs to
7:51
Speaker 1: see the show, from sidewalks, from the back of a
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Speaker 1: taco shop. There were some boys in the back waving.
7:58
Speaker 1: There were people working in a drive through weed dispensary,
8:02
Speaker 1: the smoke shop, and they seem pretty happy, and yes,
8:06
Speaker 1: that's the modern American tapestry right there. You got tacos,
8:11
Speaker 1: you got cannabis. You got a guy on the back
8:13
Speaker 1: of a fire truck in a Santa costume riding around
8:17
Speaker 1: town waving. Everyone smiles when they see old Saint maler
8:22
Speaker 1: It is involuntary. It's a it's a reflex. You don't
8:26
Speaker 1: fight it, you cannot fight it. You surrender. That's it.
8:31
Speaker 1: And we covered a lot of real estate. I was
8:33
Speaker 1: up there for four hours on the back of the
8:36
Speaker 1: fire truck. We went from the middle class neighborhoods of
8:40
Speaker 1: this town, where the cars had two hundred and seventy
8:43
Speaker 1: eight thousand miles. The dashboard looked like its own Christmas
8:47
Speaker 1: tree with all the warning lights, and then we went
8:50
Speaker 1: up to the foothills, and then we went further up
8:53
Speaker 1: where the people had Bentley's and Maybox. It's kind of
8:57
Speaker 1: lounging in the driveway like pampered house cats, and everything
9:01
Speaker 1: was perfect. It's quite the juxtaposition when you go from
9:05
Speaker 1: the working class neighborhood to the really, really wealthy. However,
9:09
Speaker 1: I did notice the same smiles, the same waves, the
9:12
Speaker 1: same wonder and that's the thing. You're that red costume.
9:18
Speaker 1: The Santa costume the great equalizer, it really is. And
9:23
Speaker 1: as I have been doing it again, I don't know
9:27
Speaker 1: how long it's been, It's been many, many years. As
9:29
Speaker 1: a season Santa, let's call it like that. As a
9:31
Speaker 1: season Santa, I have the routine down like the back
9:35
Speaker 1: of my hand. Rule number one now, rule number one,
9:40
Speaker 1: no eating or drinking before Santa Taurus. Cannot do it.
9:44
Speaker 1: Cannot do it. Why is that? I'll tell you why.
9:47
Speaker 1: Because the bathroom becomes a major endeavor, it becomes a quest.
9:54
Speaker 1: It's a saga. It's a thing that the great philosophers
9:58
Speaker 1: would have written three books about. The Santa outfit is
10:03
Speaker 1: not designed for convenience, it's not. These costumes are designed
10:08
Speaker 1: for the spectacle in mind. There's a lot of layers
10:11
Speaker 1: to it. And the hardest part of the job, however,
10:14
Speaker 1: is climbing down from the fire truck. And this is
10:19
Speaker 1: where the job turns into something that goes from a
10:23
Speaker 1: festive fun thing to evil canievil daredevil status. It's kind
10:30
Speaker 1: of like that old song Hotel California. When you put
10:33
Speaker 1: on the Santa suit and you get to the top
10:34
Speaker 1: of the fire truck, you can check out any time
10:37
Speaker 1: you like, but you can never leave once you're up there.
10:43
Speaker 1: I'm a pretty tall guy, right, pretty tall guy, still
10:47
Speaker 1: got a little weight to me. So I get up there,
10:49
Speaker 1: and you're wrapped in layer after layer after layer. You
10:52
Speaker 1: got the boots on the size of small kayaks. I've
10:55
Speaker 1: already got big feet to start, and you realize that
10:58
Speaker 1: you're fighting the g as in gravity if you will,
11:03
Speaker 1: and gravity has the greatest winning percentage of all time,
11:07
Speaker 1: it's undefeated. One little misstep and you are right into
11:13
Speaker 1: an ambulance and then to the emergency room if you're lucky,
11:18
Speaker 1: if you're lucky, or go. Getting down is an act
11:22
Speaker 1: of faith, blind faith. Now, thankfully, on this night, when
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Speaker 1: the night ended, we did not have an incident, largely
11:30
Speaker 1: because the group of firefighters that were driving the truck around.
11:34
Speaker 1: They're the real heroes here in more ways than one.
11:37
Speaker 1: They and the police officers, but the firemen. They helped
11:40
Speaker 1: my fat ass off the fire truck, and I had
11:44
Speaker 1: dignity mostly intact. There's a trust fall element to it.
11:51
Speaker 1: You expect the ground obviously unforgiving, right, and your insurance
11:58
Speaker 1: deductible is pretty high. It's pretty high, So you got
12:01
Speaker 1: that going on and then all the fair like all
12:05
Speaker 1: fairy tales, all fairy tales, and pretty much the same
12:08
Speaker 1: way the taking off the clothes, you know, the Iron
12:13
Speaker 1: Man suit, Santa's black boots turned back into a crappy
12:17
Speaker 1: shoe at midnight, just like the fairy tale, and I
12:20
Speaker 1: changed into my street clothes. I felt like Anthony Davis,
12:23
Speaker 1: and I went over to raising canes to celebrate my
12:26
Speaker 1: community service. Because nothing says goodwill towards fellow man like
12:32
Speaker 1: chicken fingers, French fries and Texas toast. That's the way
12:37
Speaker 1: to do it. That is the way to do it.
12:39
Speaker 1: And just like that, it was ov R. Just like that,
12:43
Speaker 1: it was over another chapter in The Naked City, another
12:49
Speaker 1: reminder that for just one night a year, one night
12:54
Speaker 1: a year, I don't know what it's going to be
12:55
Speaker 1: until the last minute, but one night a year, under
12:58
Speaker 1: the cover of darkness and fueled by moonlight, the overnight
13:03
Speaker 1: gas bag gets to be something else. Entirely felt a
13:09
Speaker 1: little bit like alf the Illin Opiner or ferg Dog
13:12
Speaker 1: with their avatars, and so till December twenty twenty six.
13:19
Speaker 1: Sometime in December of twenty twenty six, when the magic
13:21
Speaker 1: night happens yet again, and I will be back in
13:25
Speaker 1: the Santa costume to do it all over again, back
13:29
Speaker 1: in the Santa costume again, to spend on the back
13:32
Speaker 1: in the saddle, back in the saddle. All right, turn
13:34
Speaker 1: the page on that. I wanted to mention something that
13:38
Speaker 1: happened somewhat recently to me here. So I have learned
13:43
Speaker 1: many things. I try to learn something new every day.
13:46
Speaker 1: Normally it's a word or a phrase that I really
13:49
Speaker 1: wasn't familiar with and tried to add a little something
13:53
Speaker 1: to my lexicon. Work like the devil, I get that
13:57
Speaker 1: in there, and so I do that. And one of
14:00
Speaker 1: the things that I've learned over the years that does
14:02
Speaker 1: not relate to words, but is a word. It's the
14:06
Speaker 1: vibe you get from a word, say what yeah, let
14:10
Speaker 1: me let me explain this better. So of all the
14:13
Speaker 1: things that I've learned, the power of a phrase, which
14:18
Speaker 1: is the word but that is a body blow, body blow,
14:25
Speaker 1: body blow, body blow. It's an amazing word, the word butt.
14:30
Speaker 1: And we've discussed it a little bit on the radio show.
14:32
Speaker 1: It is a verbal landmine. It is a silk pillowcase
14:37
Speaker 1: covering a brick. It's a hug that ends with a
14:41
Speaker 1: knee to your testicles. It's the polite cough before the
14:45
Speaker 1: doctor tells you, Hey, I think we've found something interesting here.
14:49
Speaker 1: We got we gotta take a look at. Now. Recently,
14:52
Speaker 1: I attended a family function with what I lovingly call
14:59
Speaker 1: the Old Old Guard. The Old Guard. Now, this was
15:02
Speaker 1: not a gathering. This was a museum exhibit, a seventy
15:09
Speaker 1: and over event. And I'm getting older, and yet I
15:13
Speaker 1: was still the spring chicken. Okay, I'm I'm getting older,
15:18
Speaker 1: and yet these people were all much older than I was.
15:21
Speaker 1: I was the young buck. I was the reckless youth.
15:23
Speaker 1: I was sitting at the kiddie table because I actually
15:26
Speaker 1: had cartilage still left in my knee, at least a
15:28
Speaker 1: little bit. And so we had some local family. I
15:32
Speaker 1: don't have a lot of family, and I'm not really
15:34
Speaker 1: close with this group of people, but we did have
15:37
Speaker 1: some family fly in from Arizona, which I love to
15:39
Speaker 1: see some more of the Older Guard, and I know,
15:42
Speaker 1: maybe maybe ten people, And there were a lot of people.
15:48
Speaker 1: I mean maybe ten people I was familiar with at
15:50
Speaker 1: this thing. The rest of the people were just strangers
15:53
Speaker 1: drifting through the room, like background characters in a doors song.
15:58
Speaker 1: People are strange people are strange when you're a stranger.
16:03
Speaker 1: Jim Morrison would have enjoyed the setup, and so okay.
16:07
Speaker 1: There I was gas bag man without a cape a jag,
16:14
Speaker 1: just a guy by day and then an audio folk
16:19
Speaker 1: hero by night, at least in my own head, circulating
16:23
Speaker 1: around the room politely. I had my good manners. I
16:27
Speaker 1: was shaking hands, I was smiling, I was nodding. I
16:30
Speaker 1: was handing out metaphorical conversation candy canes to people that
16:35
Speaker 1: I Some I hadn't seen a long time. Some I
16:38
Speaker 1: hadn't seen a really long time. And then there were
16:40
Speaker 1: people I hadn't seen ever. And this is what you
16:44
Speaker 1: do at these events. I don't normally go to these events,
16:46
Speaker 1: but as it felt like a big deal, I needed
16:48
Speaker 1: to be there, So I went to this particular event.
16:51
Speaker 1: You keep it light, You avoid the big three, politics, religion,
16:58
Speaker 1: and anything involving who do you think is gonna win
17:02
Speaker 1: the Super Bowl? I don't need that. If I knew
17:04
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be here, I'd be in Vegas. I'd be rich.
17:07
Speaker 1: If I knew that I'd be somewhere else. Also, the
17:10
Speaker 1: advice the former boss Don Martin gave us as we
17:13
Speaker 1: must stay away from the third rail. Momiam, that's the
17:16
Speaker 1: third rail. Stay away, Okay, I'll stay away. Don no
17:19
Speaker 1: third Rael. So then I ran into one of my
17:22
Speaker 1: dear cousins, an older woman, very sharp, kind, warm hearted woman,
17:29
Speaker 1: and we were catching up. I don't see this woman
17:32
Speaker 1: very often, and so when we see each other at
17:35
Speaker 1: the rare and appropriate family event, we exchange life updates,
17:40
Speaker 1: the greatest hits. Now, eventually she asked the inevitable question,
17:46
Speaker 1: the question that you knew was coming. You knew the
17:49
Speaker 1: question was coming, the question, so how's the radio show? Okay,
17:57
Speaker 1: can you ask me again? Yes, how's the radio show?
18:01
Speaker 1: Let me meditate over that for a few minutes. No,
18:04
Speaker 1: so she asked me that, Now this is the moment.
18:07
Speaker 1: This is where we get the plot twist. This is
18:09
Speaker 1: where you originally you hear somebody to say that when
18:13
Speaker 1: they say how's the radio show, You're like, Okay, I'm
18:15
Speaker 1: gonna take it. Lean back, I'm gonna wait for the compliment,
18:18
Speaker 1: and my ego is gonna take a little small, harmless
18:21
Speaker 1: sip of the good times and all that stuff. And
18:25
Speaker 1: so she said, this is the next part. She said,
18:29
Speaker 1: I tried to listen to your show. You sounded good,
18:34
Speaker 1: and then she dropped the guillotine. But yes, so she
18:41
Speaker 1: started out by saying, I tried to listen to your show.
18:43
Speaker 1: You sounded good, and then but was sent out the
18:49
Speaker 1: most dangerous syllable in the English language. But she said,
18:53
Speaker 1: I had to turn it off because you rip women's
18:56
Speaker 1: soccer and I love women's soccer, and you took a
18:57
Speaker 1: shot at women's soccer and I didn't appreciate that. That
19:00
Speaker 1: was a dagger to the heart. She might as well
19:03
Speaker 1: have just call me blubber guts right there. What was
19:05
Speaker 1: wrong with your blubberduts? Shame on you, You know, as
19:09
Speaker 1: John Snow once famously said on Game of Thrones, a
19:13
Speaker 1: man who learned this lesson the hard way. Everything a
19:20
Speaker 1: person says before the word but is a lie. It
19:24
Speaker 1: just is, which means mathematically, I did the Matler math
19:27
Speaker 1: in my head. And not only mathematically, but spiritually and emotionally.
19:33
Speaker 1: My radio show did not sound good to this woman.
19:37
Speaker 1: My cousin was offended. She was offended. The hot take
19:42
Speaker 1: struck a nerve. The fire breathing dragon had burned down
19:48
Speaker 1: the village. Well that's not ideal, that's not what you're
19:50
Speaker 1: looking for. And so she was damaged, and she was triggered.
19:53
Speaker 1: She was emotionally confused by everything that she heard. She
19:57
Speaker 1: needed a safe space, preferably one with a padded room.
20:01
Speaker 1: No microphones, no speakers, nothing like that. And now here's
20:06
Speaker 1: the part that sticks to your ribs like a thick
20:11
Speaker 1: brisket left on the smoker a little bit too long.
20:14
Speaker 1: That monologue that she was upset about, the one where
20:18
Speaker 1: she said, I tried to listen to your show and
20:20
Speaker 1: then she delivered the butt. Yeah, that's a universal thing
20:25
Speaker 1: for a lie. But at that moment, I know's there
20:28
Speaker 1: all right? Fine, The monologue aired in twenty twenty three,
20:32
Speaker 1: almost three years ago. It's almost twenty twenty six, and
20:37
Speaker 1: so the moment is still with me. Like sticking to
20:41
Speaker 1: your ribs like a brisket, as I said, that was
20:44
Speaker 1: in the smoker too long, and it's like a sleeper
20:48
Speaker 1: cell that was activated all these years later, like a
20:50
Speaker 1: bad actor or bad tattoo missed extra point. The actual event,
20:57
Speaker 1: The actual event happened in twenty seventeen, so it was
21:01
Speaker 1: even before that. Now, the monologue she referenced was in
21:04
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, and that's when the US women's national
21:07
Speaker 1: team preparing for friendlies against Russia, scrimmaged the FC Dallas
21:14
Speaker 1: under fifteen boys academy team, bunch of teenagers, and the
21:20
Speaker 1: US women's national team lost five to two to a
21:23
Speaker 1: bunch of teenage boys. Now that, for a while was
21:27
Speaker 1: dismissed as internet legend. I remember hearing that's not true.
21:33
Speaker 1: You fell for a conspiracy theory. Remember our conversation yesterday
21:37
Speaker 1: about conspiracy theories. So anyway, okay, Well it was confirmed
21:41
Speaker 1: by Carly Lloyd. She said, Yep, it absolutely happened. This
21:44
Speaker 1: was real. It wasn't Internet folklore. It wasn't somebody posting
21:48
Speaker 1: on Reddit. It wasn't some bot account on x. This
21:53
Speaker 1: was a tune up game that went completely off the tracks,
21:58
Speaker 1: completely upjets. This is the sports equivalent of the Lakers
22:02
Speaker 1: losing to like University high School. Not because anyone hates
22:09
Speaker 1: the Lakers but we do, not because anyone hates education,
22:13
Speaker 1: although some of us do, but because reality sometimes crashes
22:16
Speaker 1: the party uninvited and double parks in the driveway, which
22:21
Speaker 1: we all love unless we don't. And here's the thing, now,
22:25
Speaker 1: I smiled, I nodded, I traded niceties with my cousin,
22:28
Speaker 1: as I said, and then I did what professionals do
22:33
Speaker 1: when they know they are outnumbered, when they know they've
22:36
Speaker 1: crossed into uncomfortable territory. I got up, I took a
22:41
Speaker 1: deep breath. I looked around the room. I did inventory
22:44
Speaker 1: of everything, what everyone was wearing. People I don't even
22:48
Speaker 1: care about this stuff, but I was doing it. That
22:50
Speaker 1: was going around, and so that was that. And you know,
22:56
Speaker 1: I did play along, as I said, with my cousin
23:00
Speaker 1: and played knics. I walked away. But the moment, at
23:04
Speaker 1: that particular moment, I was reminded, well, it was uncomfortable.
23:10
Speaker 1: It was a kind of a gently painful reminder of
23:14
Speaker 1: the nuclear torpedo. My fingers on the button, and I
23:18
Speaker 1: control this on a nightly basis. A microphone is not
23:22
Speaker 1: a toy. It is not a toy. It's the iron throne.
23:29
Speaker 1: It custs both ways. It amplifies the truth and a
23:34
Speaker 1: fence at the same time and in the same volume.
23:37
Speaker 1: And so you're not supposed to say the quiet part
23:39
Speaker 1: out about everyone knows it, everyone thinks it, but you're
23:44
Speaker 1: not supposed to say it. And sometimes on overnight radio,
23:49
Speaker 1: fueled by caffeine supplements, conviction and the delusion that honesty
23:56
Speaker 1: is always a heroic you say it anyway. You sit
24:01
Speaker 1: on the iron throne and you convince your yourself and
24:06
Speaker 1: that you're dispensing wisdom and when really you're just reminding
24:10
Speaker 1: everyone that power comes with splash, damage and all that stuff.
24:16
Speaker 1: And that's the burden, you know. I don't want to
24:19
Speaker 1: say it's too big a burden. It's not the biggest
24:21
Speaker 1: burden in the world, but it's one of the burdens
24:22
Speaker 1: of this job, the blessing and the curse, the double
24:25
Speaker 1: edged sword. That it's not like the written word. The
24:29
Speaker 1: written word, I do believe is much worse. People spaz
24:32
Speaker 1: out over the written word more than they do the
24:34
Speaker 1: audio world that we live in. Uh, it's still a
24:37
Speaker 1: problem in radio, but it's much worse in the newspapers.
24:43
Speaker 1: The newspapers are the newspapers left. But in that particular
24:46
Speaker 1: world it's much it's much worse, but still the power
24:50
Speaker 1: of the spoken word. And you're out, you're doing your thing,
24:54
Speaker 1: you're living your life right, and you know that thing
24:57
Speaker 1: bounces all over the place, the thing of a jig,
24:59
Speaker 1: and you whisper it into a microphone in la and
25:02
Speaker 1: it doesn't stay whispering. E goes, It ricochets, It finds
25:06
Speaker 1: its way into bedrooms and factories and family gatherings and
25:10
Speaker 1: folding chairs and polite conversations with people you love and
25:15
Speaker 1: some people you hate. And then the microphone is it's
25:20
Speaker 1: like a megaphone, right, It just bouncing all over the place.
25:25
Speaker 1: And every night I sit there thinking at the iron throne,
25:29
Speaker 1: the bully pulpit, I'm thinking, man, I am ruling the
25:33
Speaker 1: kingdom of the mall militia, when really I am lighting
25:35
Speaker 1: a flare and hoping it doesn't land in someone else's backyard.
25:41
Speaker 1: And sometimes it does. Sometimes it lands at Thanksgiving. Sometimes
25:45
Speaker 1: it lands, you know, years later, like the conversation we're
25:48
Speaker 1: having right now, introduced by a smile and a follow
25:52
Speaker 1: up with a bot bod. But that is the cost
25:58
Speaker 1: of saying the quiet part out loud. That is the
26:03
Speaker 1: part you said, you said the quiet part out loud.
26:06
Speaker 1: You don't get to choose, You don't you got You
26:09
Speaker 1: don't get to jews who hear's it. You only get
26:12
Speaker 1: to choose whether you say it or not. And once
26:14
Speaker 1: you do, once you say it, you don't own the
26:18
Speaker 1: words anymore. They own you, and they can come back
26:22
Speaker 1: and be used against you at any time, not in
26:26
Speaker 1: the court of not in the court of the mal
26:30
Speaker 1: Ard militia, I mean just in general, just in general.
26:34
Speaker 1: So there it is. We'll put the the baby to bed.
26:38
Speaker 1: I hope you guys have a great rest of your Saturday.
26:41
Speaker 1: Enjoy the football today. Danny g should be joining us
26:45
Speaker 1: for the mail bag. Hooray for Hollywood, Hooray for Hollywood.
26:50
Speaker 1: That should be tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day, so we
26:56
Speaker 1: look forward to that and until next time. Osta pasta
27:01
Speaker 1: lader skater Cela VI is that no, I can't say that. No,
27:07
Speaker 1: huh okay, there you go, Bye bye bye, Felicia.