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The Fifth Hour: Griddle Riddle & Fast Cash · The Ben Maller Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Cutbooms.
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  Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Wow.
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  Speaker 2: It's a clearinghouse of hot takes. Break free for something special.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
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  Speaker 3: In the air everywhere, The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Mahler and Danny g Radio. A Happy Saturday to you
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: as we are back in the remote studio for the podcast.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: It is the seventh day of March. It is early
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: in the morning. We are celebrating National Bend Day today,
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: National Ben Day today. That's a thing, not a big thing,
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: it's a thing. And yeah, so that's a day for me.
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  Speaker 3: And there's not a lot of Bens anymore in the world.
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  Speaker 3: Not even when I was a kid.
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  Speaker 1: There weren't that many.
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  Speaker 3: I saw somewhere I was reading that they said back
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: in the eighteen.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Like late eighteen hundred, eighteen eighties.
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  Speaker 3: The name Ben was one of the most popular names anywhere,
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  Speaker 3: Like the top ten popular name you named your Boyd
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: Ben top ten names and then as of a couple
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  Speaker 3: of years ago it was like almost eight hundredth It
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  Speaker 3: went from tenth to almost eight hundred.
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  Speaker 1: Now I do believe in the boomerang.
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  Speaker 3: Theory that all names will be brought back at some point, right,
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  Speaker 3: you know, through time. Obviously we're only here a short
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: amount of time, but then the names will come back.
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  Speaker 3: Like when I was a kid, there were some relatives
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  Speaker 3: that had really old sounding names, and now today those
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  Speaker 3: names have started to come back for people that weren't
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: alive and didn't have older relatives and all that. So
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: celebrate Ben day, famous bench. Do you know any famous
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: Ben I'm not famous. Benjamin Johnson the second most important
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: English playwright. How about that fifteen hundreds playwright poet wrote
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: the famous play every Man in his Humor, which was
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: popular in his day. The first Postmaster General of the US.
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: I'm thinking you've heard who that person was, Benjamin Franklin. Hello,
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: and he had control over all post offices from Massachusetts
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  Speaker 3: to Georgia, so he had that going. There's been plenty
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  Speaker 3: of other bends that have gotten things done.
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  Speaker 1: So there you go. It's a national Benday.
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  Speaker 3: So you can celebrate that appropriately on this edition of
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  Speaker 3: The Fifth Hour, the Saturday special of the Life of
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  Speaker 3: Mahlor and Danny g but he's not here. So we
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: have YouTube University and the gig Economy.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: But we're going to start with this.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: Tales from the Not So Naked City, a story of
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna I'm gonna give you my Hollywood style pitchure
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: and see if I can convince you to consume this podcast.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: So it's a story of heartbreak, betrayal, rust, and ultimately redemption.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Are you hooked? Yes?
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: No, maybe, so, maybe you're, Maybe you're I don't know,
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: but you know it anyway, whether you're hooked or not.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: So let me take you on a journey behind the
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  Speaker 3: curtain here at the Malor Mansion, a journey that many
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: of my p ones, senior generals, and the mal militia
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  Speaker 3: unlikely you you're listening to the podcast, so you're at
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: a higher level.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: So you've heard me chat over the years, right, You've
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: tourved me.
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  Speaker 3: Chat over the years about my culinary empire and everything
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: I've got going on in the back patio of the
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: Malor Mansion, talking about the crown Jewel of course, the
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  Speaker 3: pride and joy of the backyard. The Blackstone Griddle. Now,
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: if you're not familiar with the Blackstone griddle, it's every
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: middle aged guy's wet dream. It's basically a Ferrari of
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: backyard cooking. This thing is a flat top dream machine. Burgers, cheese, steaks, fajitas,
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  Speaker 3: you can make breakfast if that's your jam, pancakes, all
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  Speaker 3: kinds of delicious foods. You name it, and if it's edible,
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  Speaker 3: the Blackstone can handle it. It's essentially having a restaurant
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  Speaker 3: cooking top in your backyard. And it's able to do,
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  Speaker 3: as I said, just about everything, lunch, dinner, breakfast. It's
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  Speaker 3: the Swiss army knife of the grease based cuisine. Well
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: a catastrophe structor malle mansion, And like many disasters, it
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  Speaker 3: began a long time ago. When I say a long
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: time time, I go about a month ago. With rain
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: in southern California. Normally, when it rains in most places,
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: it's it's an inconvenience. Nobody drives good in the rain,
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: but it's rain. It comes and goes.
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  Speaker 1: You're used to it.
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  Speaker 3: When it rains in SoCal the news treats it like
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: a biblical event. I'm not exaggerating here the anchors on
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  Speaker 3: TV break in like the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
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  Speaker 3: are writing down the one oh one Freeway on a
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  Speaker 3: pontoon boat. The rain this year was different because it
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  Speaker 3: happened when we had some work being done at the house.
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  Speaker 3: Our contractor, really good dude, does great work. Forgot one
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  Speaker 3: small detail in the margins, if you will, he did
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  Speaker 3: not cover the griddle, my beloved pride.
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  Speaker 1: Enjoy the Blackstone griddle.
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  Speaker 3: And keep in mind I wasn't cooking at this time,
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  Speaker 3: and we had taken a little break from that because
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: of a little cooler as I was waiting for the
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: weather warm a little bit.
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  Speaker 1: Not that it gets cold here. Now.
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  Speaker 3: When I say rain water, I'm not talking about just
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: a couple of sprinkles, a few drops. Now, this thing
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  Speaker 3: had several inches of water, my Blackstone sitting on it
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  Speaker 3: like it was a kiddie pool outside of a redneck
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  Speaker 3: motel six. And I didn't discover the crime scene right
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  Speaker 3: away because the work was being done. I didn't want
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  Speaker 3: to bother the contractor. I was trying to be polite.
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  Speaker 3: And so the rain stopped. And then a few more
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  Speaker 3: days went by, and when I finally lifted the lid
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  Speaker 3: to cook. It looked like I would think I was
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: at the bottom of the ocean there and I was
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  Speaker 3: looking at the Titanic wreckage, except this was obviously cooking equipment.
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  Speaker 3: Several inches of standing water. There was this rust everywhere.
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  Speaker 3: It's like this reddish brown apocalypse. And my beautiful blank
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  Speaker 3: canvas where I've cooked so many meals, looked like it
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  Speaker 3: had spent about three years at the bottom of the
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  Speaker 3: Atlantic Ocean. There was corrosion, it was peeling back, there
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  Speaker 3: was devastation. Now I'm not proud to admit this, but
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: I was a little depressed. It was like, I was like,
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  Speaker 3: that sucks.
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  Speaker 1: This is not good. Now, I got to I've spent
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  Speaker 1: countless hours.
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  Speaker 3: I know, I got a lot of time off from work,
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  Speaker 3: but my time off on the weekends out they're cooking
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: on the things, summer nights, spring afternoons, heck.
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  Speaker 1: Most of the year.
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  Speaker 3: Only the weather only gets somewhat shady, like two months
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  Speaker 3: out of the year here where we live. So you
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: got the sizzle of the burgers, the cheese, steaks, dancing
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: doing the dance on the flat topic there, Fred Astaire.
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  Speaker 3: You get the popping sound of the fijidas and the
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  Speaker 3: bell pepper and the onion.
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  Speaker 1: It's like fireworks on the fourth of July.
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  Speaker 3: And now it loo like something you'd find in a
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: junk yard behind a waffle house on the end of
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  Speaker 3: a country road. And I was bummed out. I was
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  Speaker 3: bummed out, Benny. And now the easy move would have been,
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: and this is normally the move I would have made,
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  Speaker 3: throw it out and just buy another one. Just go
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  Speaker 3: down to the Walmart, buy another one. Now, Blackstone griddles,
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  Speaker 3: I believe they're around five hundred dollars give or take.
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  Speaker 3: And some maybe even you might think, well, you know,
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  Speaker 3: come on, man, you're a big time overnight sports radio
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  Speaker 3: gas bag.
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  Speaker 1: You're doing overnight talk radio.
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  Speaker 3: That's where the money is, not the daytime shows with
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  Speaker 3: Cowherd and Dan Patrick.
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  Speaker 1: No, overnight radio five hundred dollars is nothing. Oh no, no, no, no.
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  Speaker 1: Let me introduce you to something called malormath. When you
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  Speaker 1: work overnight radio, you're not making daytime radio money. Five
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  Speaker 1: hundred dollars is not monopo. That's real currency. That's like
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: losing a starting offensive lineman before the playoffs. That's not good.
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  Speaker 3: So instead of throwing in the towel, which I normally
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  Speaker 3: would have.
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  Speaker 1: Done I fully admit I normally would have done this.
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  Speaker 3: I did what every modern American does when confronted now
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  Speaker 3: with crisis.
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  Speaker 1: I went to college.
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  Speaker 3: I went to YouTube University, my preferred university. Some of
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: you elitists love Harvard or Mit. Forget about that Yale.
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: Come on Brown, what can Brown do for you?
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  Speaker 1: What are you kidding me?
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  Speaker 3: The real Ivy League is not Princeton. It's a twelve
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  Speaker 3: minute video titled how to fix a rusted blackstone griddle
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  Speaker 3: for idiots right shocking results.
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  Speaker 1: So I watched a couple of these videos and then
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  Speaker 1: I don't.
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  Speaker 3: Know, and I watched another one, and then another one,
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  Speaker 3: and the next thing you know, it was a full
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  Speaker 3: blown internet rabbit hole.
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  Speaker 1: I'm talking mental notes.
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  Speaker 3: I pulled out the notes out app on my phone
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  Speaker 3: and I'm writing down things I need to do, what
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  Speaker 3: I need to you know, how I need to approach this.
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  Speaker 3: I'm studying game film like I'm preparing a game plan
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  Speaker 3: for the Super Bowl.
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  Speaker 1: Now. Step one, you have to scrape the rust. Done.
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  Speaker 3: Step two oil, Okay, done that. Step three turn on
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  Speaker 3: the heat, turn on the fire, burn, baby burn. And
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  Speaker 3: then step four is you repeat the process over and
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  Speaker 3: over like the Energizer Bunny, over and over and over
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  Speaker 3: and over again. So I rolled up my sleeves, I
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  Speaker 3: grabbed the scraper and went to work. Let me tell
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  Speaker 3: you something, though I am not a handyman, I do
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  Speaker 3: not have the handyman gene.
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  Speaker 1: I have the gas bag Jene. Historically speaking, I have been.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: Much closer to Wrecket Ralph, who we used to work with,
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  Speaker 3: former radio guy Ralph Irvin. Much closer to Wrecket Ralph
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: than fix at Felix. If something broke at the Malor Mansion,
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: my usual move was to look at it, sighed dramatically,
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  Speaker 3: and say, well that's gone. That see you later. That's broken,
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  Speaker 3: never coming back. However, this time, this time I was
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: a man on a mission. It seemed like mission impossible,
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: Like there's no way I saw the YouTube videos from
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: YouTube University, There's no way this is gonna come back.
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  Speaker 3: So I'm scraping rust like a gold miner during the
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  Speaker 3: gold Rush in San Francisco.
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  Speaker 1: Oil all over the griddle.
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  Speaker 3: The fire burning on the on the black top, burn
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  Speaker 3: baby burn, smoke everywhere. The neighbors probably thought I was
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: running some kind of barbecue speak easy thing and more oil,
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  Speaker 3: more heat, more scraping, and this went on and on
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: and on.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: And on and on and on and on. Hours went by.
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  Speaker 3: It was not meatball surgery. It was Blackstone griddle surgery.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: And slowly, slowly, the miracle began to happen. That orangey,
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  Speaker 3: rusty thing that was peeling.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: Back started vanishing. Abra cadabra, hocus posts was disappearing. I
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: don't know when it went. I have no idea. It disappeared.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: The surface got a little darker, it became smooth, and
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: it just looked like it was supposed to look.
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: You know, when something looks right right, Even blind Scott
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  Speaker 3: knows that, or in cod Terror, any of those guys.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: So it looked like a quarterback had returned from the
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: injury tent. And eventually there was this point of demarcation
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  Speaker 3: where we crossed the rubicon.
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  Speaker 1: We landed the plane.
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  Speaker 3: Baby, the Blackstone was back, yes, and better than ever.
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  Speaker 3: Benny Blackstone had regourge it to resurrected the griddle, and
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  Speaker 3: you better believe there was a celebration. So I fired
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  Speaker 3: up that bad boy and we made the house specialty
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: Benny's Burgers, smash burgers, perfect crust, cheese melting like a
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: lava flow yum yum to my tumtum, the kind of
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: burger that makes you question every drive through decision you've
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: ever made in your life. Then came the Fahidas, then
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: the cheese steak in Paradise if you will, which I'm
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: sure if Jimmy Buffett were still alive today, would demand.
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  Speaker 1: Some kind of money.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: The griddle went from the brink of the landfill getting
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: picked up and dumped to being the NVP yet again,
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: come back Griddle of the Year. And I gotta tell you,
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: there's a deep sense of accomplishment. I'm jealous of you
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: that have this ability. There's a deep sense of accomplishment
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: when you fix something with your own two hands. And
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: this is something that would not have been possible years
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: and years ago, back when you'd have to call some
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: guy named Gary who charges two hundred dollars just to
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: look at it.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Now you got the.
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: YouTube University, a million of tutorials all lined up there
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: with those little annoying thirty second ads which you can't skip.
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: And every problem known to mankind can be solved by
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: a guy filming in his garage wearing a wife beater shirt.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: And so now I'm feeling a little dangerous for years,
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: as I pointed out, I've been wreck.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: At Ralph, but maybe, just maybe.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: I've turned the corner here because of YouTube University, and
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: I could become fixed at Felix. Handyman Benny better than
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: new Benny. Why not Jack of all trades, master of none.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: And now the backyard menu at the Maler Mansion is
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: officially open. The griddle specials will be it served up
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: all spring and all summer.
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  Speaker 1: Baby, we got this.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: And as the great philosopher who may or may not
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: have worked at Disney once saying any very dramatic voice,
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: when you wish pawn a blackstone griddle makes no difference
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: who you are, anything your tummy desires will come to you.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: It's not magic, it's not wizardry. It's something even more
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: powerful than all of that, the mather with sugar magic.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: And now who wants a burg You want a burger?
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: You want a cheese steak? Compared to you would you
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: like fajitas?
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: Okay, we got that for no problem, no problem, all right,
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: So turn the page on that as we do a
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: skip and a jump, and we.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: Move now to the other day.
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: Then just a couple of days ago, I was scrolling
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: through the internet rabbit hole. I wanted to bring this
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: up here because I had an idea. So I'm going
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: down the rabbit hole and the digital flea market where
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: half the staff or half the stuff is uh, is
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: just a waste of time, right, It was just your
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: mindless nonsense and all that stuff, and then the rest
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: of it is like, well, wait a minute, that's.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: You know, seems like a good idea.
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: So I stumbled onto a story out of China. All right,
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: So I don't know how I found. This came up
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: in my feed and some guy in Shanghai says that
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: he made twenty three thousand dollars in one month. Now,
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: how did he make twenty three thousand dollars a month?
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: But one month? Was he selling acapuco gold? What was
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: he doing?
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Was he dealing fentanyl?
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: No?
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: So he made twenty three thousand dollars in one month
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: watching cats, kiddy cats, yes, felines, five of them at
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: one point in one day.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Now, I don't know about you.
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: That sounds less like a job and more like the
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: opening of a horror movie. Shot from a drone zooming
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: in to an apartment on the thirteenth floor. And then
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: you go through the window on the drone and then
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: you look around and it's everything's disheveled, the person has bedraggled,
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: who's living there, And there's just the smell, just this
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: horrific scent and all that. The fifty five cats is
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: not just pet sitting, that's a feline convention.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: And personally, I can't join.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: The feline industrial complex even if I wanted to, and
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: the reason is a genetic pre existing condition.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: I'm allergic.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: You put me in a room with forget fifty five cats,
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: you put me in a room with three cats, and
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: I sound like foghorn, a leghorn, or a foghorn with bronchitis.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: The story, though, it created a little bit of a
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: spark that the hamster was spinning on the hamster wheel
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: there because while I can't do cats, I can't.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: I'm allergic. Dogs are a whole different animal. As you
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: know cats and dogs.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: And as a listener to this fifth Hour podcast and
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: the Overnight Radio Carnival, you know about my pride and
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: enjoy Moxie, my English pulldog, the patron saint of laziness
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: who should never eat pumpkin again. Her daily schedules essentially
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: the life of Riley. She sleeps, she snores, she sleeps,
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: she farts, she sleeps, and you just repeat it. Now.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: Occasionally she'll wake up extra to check out the food
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: items available that day that just magically appear, and maybe
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: get some water.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: The other day she yeah, you know, she was doing
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: her thing, and I was reading this story on my
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: phone and I said, you know what, this dog could
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: be management at my new startup. So let me talk
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: the bigger picture here, and I'm going to use this
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: platform that I have the fifth hour.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's a platform. Everyone wants their platform. Well, we're
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: right in the eye of the tiger here, or the
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: eye of the dog. All right, the eye of the dog.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: So let's workshop this my latest michigas and here it is.
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: So somewhere along the way the dog, the dog stopped
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: being just a pet, became a four legged child with
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: trust funds. Especially in the really wealthy neighborhoods. Dogs now
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: have organic diets. I learned my lesson on that personal
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: trainers dogs have right, the daycare centers, birthday cakes, Instagram pages.
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: Some dogs live better than minor league baseball players, right,
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: And that's where that light bulb.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Went off right, not off, it went on.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: So you've heard this, I'm sure you've heard the same.
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: I've I've heard urban legends about guys walking dogs. Dog
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: walkers making crazy money. He said, Wow, it's only twenty,
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: but well, I'm more than thirty forty to fifty dollars
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: for a premium stroll around the block. You multiply that
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: by a few dogs a day, and suddenly you're running
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: a small economy powered entirely by tennis, boss and milk bones.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: Now add one key ingredient, and I have an advantage.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: I have an ace in the hole my schedule doing
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: overnight radio, working the graveyard shift. That means when the
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: normal nine to five crowd is working the day shift,
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: stuck in meetings pretending to care about some boring PowerPoint presentation.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: I am available. I could walk your dog, I could
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: dog sit. I am available to provide what the modern
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: economy calls the canine companionship services, which sounds fancy but
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: really means just hang out with the dog.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: While its owner is at work. I'll think about it,
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: think about where this could go.
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: Right, You drop your dog off at the mallor mansion,
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: the mallard dog watching package guarantees you.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: Here's what I guarantee you. All Right, I'm gonna walk
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: your dog if you want. If your dog doesn't want
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: to walk, I want walk. But if you want me
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: to walk your dog, I'll walk your walk. I'll walk
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: your dog.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: I'll give you some couch time, little cuddles, little sunshine,
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: right bulldog roommate who snores like a diesel truck or
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: hollering James and I would get paid to do something
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: I'm already doing anyway. And this is the gig economy, right,
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: You gotta have a lot of gigs. The gig economy
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: version of finding an extra thirty dollars in year old
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: winter coat. And they're like, oh, that's kind of cool.
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: That's pretty cool. Now here's the real genius of this operation.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna upset anyone. Moxie doesn't care. You know,
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: there's some dogs that are very territorial. They're called bitches.
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: They just won't stop barking and there they just want
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: to protect their their territory.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: And that's the life's mission.
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: That's not Moxie. That's not Moxie, my pal, Moxie.
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: I'm telling you could bring another dog a heala monster,
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: a mildly confused draft, and a couple of clowns, and
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: she'd react the same way.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: She wouldn't move.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: She maybe opens up half of one eye, She foggily
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: examines what's going on, and then the eye and says
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: that's it.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: I'm done, goes back to sleep. I can't handle this.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: And occasionally she will release a loud, rumbly tumbly fart
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: that will clear the room out like a tear gas
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: grenade was tossed in there. Aside from that, outstanding coworker,
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: low maintenance, no drama, and she'd pretty much fit in
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: at any corporate board meeting. She's cut out for that.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: And as far as the economics, you got to focus
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: on the rich.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Neighborhoods, a right, rich neighbors.
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: Those neighborhoods are filled with people who love their dogs.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: It's like a kid. I get it, I love my dog. However,
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: these people feel guilty because they're not home all day.
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: And that is where we solve a problem. Making money
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: is all about solving problems. You got to find a
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: problem and a solution of the problem and you can
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: make money.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: So Mallard daytime dog concierge. We'll have to workshop that
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: more and change the name, but that would be the plan.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: And I'm not just a dog sitter. No, no, anybody
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: can be a dog sitter.
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: No, no, no, that's like nineties, two thousands, early two thousands.
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: I am a canine lifestyle facilitator. I'm helping your dog
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: live a better life.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: You see how easy that is.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: You slap a little fancy title on something, it's easy,
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: and suddenly it sounds like a Silicon Valley startup, disrupting
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: the industrial complex of the doggie. The pet care space
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: has been invaded, developing hot.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: Dot dot dot. Now the next thing you know, I've
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: got a logo of Moxie.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: I'll put her in some sunglasses and a tagline that
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: will read something along lines where dogs chill, all humans work. Now,
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: some of the packages that we would offer, the Milk
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: Bone Basic Plan one walk and a couple of belly rubs.
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: That's the basic plan. The Golden Retriever Executive Package, two walks.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: You get couch privileges near Moxie, and you also get
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: to keep track off there's any squirrels in the backyard.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: You're on surveillance for the score which dog's loft. That's
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: not work. They love that.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: Now the Bulldog Deluxe Lounge experience is only napping and
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: farting with a couple of Scooby snacks mixed in. No
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: expectations that you will have to walk, You don't have
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: to open more than half an eye.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: You just have to keep breathing. That's it. That's all. Now.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Is this going to replace my overnight radio gig? Probably not?
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: Probably not.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: Here's the thing about the gig economy, the side hustle.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: They're like Doritos. You grab a couple of.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: Chips here, a little there, and before you realize what
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: has happened, you've eaten three bags of chips, which just
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: did a little bit, a little bit here, a little
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: bit there, three bags of chips. And if the radio bosses,
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: if these guys don't loosen the purse strings anytime soon,
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: who knows, Maybe the future. I used to say I
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: would work at Costco, give sports takes on a podcast,
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: late night monologues at the Mallard Dog Club. Do that instead?
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: Do that instead a place where wealthy dog owners drop
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: off their pets while they're at work. The bulldog is
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: gonna nap their Moxie, I get my ten thousand steps
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: walking the labradors around the neighborhood, and where the only
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: real workplace hazard is stepping on some chew toy in
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: the dark, all right now.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: Meanwhile, somewhere in.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: Shanghai, a guy is feeding fifty five cats and laughing
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: all the way to the bank, which tells you something
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: about the modern economy. The real money isn't always where
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: you think it is. When everyone's going one way, you
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: got to go the other way. Sometimes it's hiding in
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: the simplest possible place, right at the end of a leash,
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: right there. Yes, So, if you'll excuse me, Moxie, I
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: think she just rolled.
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: Over there and she needs a belly rub, so clearly
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: she's trying to impress me. I think she's ready for
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: the executive chair on this new startup business that we're
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: going to have here, the Mallard Daytime Dog Concierge. On
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: that note, have a great rest of your Saturday, and
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: appreciate your supporting the podcast and all that.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: We'll have the mail bag on Sunday. Sunday Sunday. What
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: could possibly go wrong with that?
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: Well?
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Catch you then, Aloha. I think I.
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: Got all the key thing later Skater and oh yeah,
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: Austa pasta I gotta get.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: I got Austin.
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: Okay, I've checked every single box, every single box.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: Vopulation