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You Are Not Your Brain With Richard Waldman #13 · Real STRength with Sarah Draper

• speaker-0: We are we are not our brain. Our brain will take time and weaponize it. And all we have is right now. Real leaders are healers. Our brain is not our best friend. speaker-1: Welcome to the Future Walk Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Drapert. Each week on the podcast, I explore tools to help you lead your best now and into the future, and I talk with top leaders to see how they stay focused when life gets cluttered. It's time to stop reacting to your life and start leading it. Welcome to Future Walk. Welcome to the Future Walk Podcast. I'm Sarah Draper, and I'm so glad you're here. Today I'm joined by Richard Waldman, the founder of Brain Yites. He's a life coach, a clinical pastor, a veteran, a speaker, and author as well of his book, You Are Not Your Brain. Now, the Future Walk helps you step out of the external noise, the daily fires, the back to back meetings, the constant demands. To think clearly about what's most important. Richard's order to life helps you manage the internal noise that chatter in your head, the mental traps, the judgments and thoughts that keep you stuck. And both of these practices and mindsets have this same belief. You've got to take care of yourself first. For you to be your best, you've got to manage your own mind. So I am excited to explore where our work overlaps. And what leaders can learn from Richard's approach. So welcome to the podcast, Richard. speaker-0: Thank you, thank you, and thank you for having me. speaker-1: Yeah, welcome, welcome. So w as we start here, would you mind sharing a little bit about yourself, please, yourself and your work? speaker-0: Yeah, well I as I said, Leip coach had been involved with professional teaching for many years. and ⁓ as I got more involved with the human experience, people were coming to me for questions, what have we found about this, how you handled this? And I started ⁓ wondering, gee, what is ⁓ you know, about us as far as humanity, our condition. As I as I mentioned, you know, we all suffer at different times at different levels over different things. And and I began wondering, you know, what is going on here? Then I I came across the or discovered that that ⁓ our brain has the ability to create on its own, which created the judgmental chatter in our head. And what we recognize is something popped up that made me realize that we are we are not our brain. I mean, we all for example, on one hand, we all want to be at peace, you know, in a peace to to be able to laugh, carry on, and build a life. And on the other hand, we have that ⁓ Judgmental chatter in our head. Okay, that loves to beat us beat us up with niceties such as you're not good enough, you're not smart enough to get what you want. So why try? Well, when you when you come and see the ⁓ as far as what your brain wants versus what you want, I was able to witness ⁓ they say what kings and prophets wanted to see, but never saw, wanted to hear, which we are now going to hear, but they never heard it. So that was my whole goal to bring something to the table that ⁓ facilitates change. I mean, Adam and Eve were kicked out of the Garden of Eden for judging, blaming, hiding and not being the calibre. What's changed, Sarah? Nothing. We're still judging, blaming, hiding and not being the calibre. And no one's asking why. So I thought, Richard, get on your horse and see what you can find out. Go out and poke around. So that's what I did. So one thing followed another. And ⁓ you know, I wrote about it. ⁓ my book is actually the conversation between two individuals. speaker-1: ⁓ speaker-0: But ⁓ and also if you go on my website I explain the ⁓ I say the history, meaning that I believe ⁓ that today's psychology is an extension of yesterday's theology. And I came up with what I call ⁓ the order to life, which is actually a thinking system. You know, we have systems all around us. We have in our body, how many we have our ⁓ a circulatory system, our nervous system, there's the water system. There's a system so I the develop what I call it a thinking system that allows us to plug into how we think and to because there's a part I that I I write about and came up with that moves us forward and there's a part that holds us back. And do you want me to go and share that with you what what what speaker-1: Yeah, well let's I I think it we we will get yeah, let's dive into that in a in a short bit here. ⁓ because I think that's I mean that is a really important and big part of of your work and in your contribution. And it's a really fascinating thing. So I thank you. Thank you for for all of that background. So you kind of approach in a in a theological way. ⁓ you approach psychology, it sounds like, as well as just being a student and studier of human beings over time and an educator. You've kind of brought these really various backgrounds. You served in the army. You've got a lot of different perspectives that have led you to develop this order of life and to develop your your your perspectives and and approach. speaker-0: Correct. Yeah. And and the thought too was it was I I I I didn't want to ⁓ violate anybody's boundaries and I believe what I came up with was universal to everyone, that everyone can relate to it. ⁓ I don't care who you are, what you are, where you live or whatever, because we're we're all human, we all have a brain and we're all wired certain ways and you know and and the beat goes on. But yeah, that's true. speaker-1: I ⁓ I also wanna talk about your shirt real briefly here because this is a really key thing. So for those who are listening, it says if it weren't for our brains, we'd be well. Yes. So so tell us more about about that. speaker-0: Well. Okay, well it's ⁓ you got ver involved into it and and let me is it okay to display the order to like? speaker-1: Let's go ahead and do yeah, that's perfect. Yes, and so and so he's shown us his order of life. Yep, we can see it well. ⁓ but for those of you that are are listening now instead of watching, he's gonna go ahead and verbally explain it as he goes. speaker-0: Exactly. And it and ⁓ also it's on my website. And ⁓ step one, I get into the the the history of what I was doing and how I came to ⁓ around to doing it. And step two explains the order to life. And and as I mentioned, these the ⁓ dialogue that you hear me ⁓ talk about on on the ⁓ my website, you can download it. So ⁓ you can have a copy of it. But Rule, it's pretty basic, yeah. And what it is is I came up with four factors that move us forward, Sarah. And ⁓ over time is number one is being aware. Being aware of what? That our personality has evolved in more than one direction. And meaning that, you know, the image we have in our head, you know, ⁓ our self-image, it controls much of what we do and say and act and and all these sorts of things. But the image ⁓ that we have in our head usually is not a a complete image of who we are. You know, we there's things that are missing, you know. We're not You know, we're not f we don't see ourselves as being a full human being, you know, because we're not good enough, we're not smart, you know, all these different things we start seeing lack within ourselves. And so being aware that ⁓ our personality has evolved in more than one direction. There's one side that moves us forward and there's one that holds us back. Number two is is staying present. That's our point of power. Because the chatter in our head and the present moment cannot exist at the same place at the same time. Right. And what happens is our brain will take time and weaponize it. Meaning that chatter loves to propel us into the future and beat us up with what if questions we can't answer. Sarah, what if you lose your job? What if you can't pay your bills? What if, what if, what if? And when it tires of beating you up in the future, it loves to drag you into the past to remind you of all regrets, of all the stupid things that you've said and done over the years. And we don't realize that chatter end is bouncing us back and forth. between the future and the past, but not knowing that the present moment is our point of power. Because all we could we can only change in the present moment. Yeah. I can't change in the future of the past. And all we have is right now and right now and right now. Okay. Three is a conscious choice. Thinking through what we might create for ourselves and others if we act upon our current thinking. How many times have we said and done things in the leader wrote up, I wish I hadn't said that. I wish I hadn't done that. Okay. speaker-1: Right? speaker-0: So but take it because if we don't want to react to that chatter because really it wants to keep us where we are, or worse. Yeah. For connecting to what? There's a biblical ⁓ saying which I love, I use all the time. If you bring out what is within you, which you bring out will save you. If you do not bring out what is within you, which you do not bring out will destroy you. ⁓ yeah. And so and so when people, for example, ⁓ you we protect what we value. And when I'm working with people, you know, maybe run drugs or or suicidal whatever. And so the question comes up, we started we start getting into what we value. And if I, for example, let's say you're on drugs or something, but one of the questions I will get into is to say, well, what what do you love to do? Is it thing you like to do? Well, yeah, they do this, but you know, and but if I can get you moving in that area and you're successful or or there's some positive things going on. then maybe that might be more important than doing the drugs. See, so in others, if I can get somebody doing what they love or they're joined, they're getting feedback, then they'll sometimes they may say, you what, the drugs is it's keeping me from what I really want to do now. And so so now they're they're they're they value life more than they do the drugs. So it's we protect what we value. So it's all about plugging into people's values. And ⁓ because we yeah And that well and so the outside of the circle is ⁓ is judgment. And the thing we don't realize, ⁓ Sarah, is that the image in our head, the our ego, sigma if we call it the ego, which is Latin for I, meaning the self, it's judgmental by nature, which is why we're so judgmental. We judge everything, ⁓ everybody and everything. But who do we judge more than anyone else? Ourselves. Okay, so speaker-1: Right. speaker-0: You cannot have a negative state of mind until you judge something. So when next I say people, I'm talking to folks, well, the next time you're having a negative state of mind, ask yourself, what am I judging? What am I judging right now? What is the chatter in your head telling you? And then, you know, so now they're I wait a bit. There's telling me this mobile. That's not true. So now we're able to do work to do workarounds now of the chatter because they now they understand how it works and how we're wired. And so the judgmental ⁓ works with the chattering that collects the evidence. You know, it knows what we've done and haven't done or what we should do, and it loves to show us the evidence. Well, Sarah, you failed last time with what makes you think you can make it this time? Remember when someone told you that you just didn't quite have what it takes? What what makes you so we we replay all this stuff? What does it do? It and then we react. It holds us back. It holds us back. So The whole thing is if if we can realize that I am not my brain. My brain is what but I'm not I'm not that I'm not part of that. I mean, yeah, it's but I'm not that's not who I am. And so we then we can start dealing, you know, come to terms with it and start dealing with it. And ⁓ because people say, Well, Rich, how do I get rid of it? Well, you don't, because that's how we're wired. But here's the deal. speaker-1: Right. speaker-0: Here's what I suggest. Anytime something comes up unexpected, which happens all the time, right? So we call it life. Stop for a moment and say to yourself, look, I'm not going to react. Okay. I can normally he get very upset right now, but you know what? I'm not going to do that. I'm going to take a moment and think, wait a minute, how can I manage this? Because the the goal, if you will, is to be able to deal with whatever it is that's negative and and ⁓ and ⁓ discomforting. And can I deal with this and still be at peace with myself? speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: I don't allow myself to get connected to it. Because then I become, you know, if I'm angry, upset, and depressed, what what am I gonna do? I I I can't think straight. Because I'm in that in that mode. So it's just being aware that my brain is doing this. It's it it and I am not my brain. It has its own brain unto itself, but I don't have to participate in it. speaker-1: Thank you. I I appreciate gosh, all of that. I'm gonna I I jotted a couple of notes down. I wanna I wanna refer back to like step one. Part one is the awareness piece. Right. Part two is staying present. That's your power. Part three is making a conscious choice. And then four is connecting back to something. speaker-0: Yeah, to what he love in the way. speaker-1: But you love. And now before I jump to the outside of it, I wanna I I wanna connect this to kind of a process I've learned ⁓ years back when I started doing some mindfulness meditation. Because I had a very busy brain, very judgmental, internal judgmental brain, lacking awareness. Right, we were still I think saying how amazing multitasking was, and the more you got done, the more balls in the air you had it at a time. better, the more efficient, blah blah blah blah blah. Right. And and I was, you know, things were dropping, plates were falling, all this stuff. ⁓ because I was trying to do too much, not recognizing this really key piece you already said. It's like you can only do one thing at a time. So when I was learning to mindfulness meditate, ⁓ it's this kind of the same process, but in the moment one, as soon as you realize you've you've grown distracted by something, you recognize that maybe you acknowledge it. Maybe it needs honoring, but you make a choice. And I think that gets really clearly to your step three. Like you're making a choice where you're going to send your attention in that moment because your step two is your presence is your power, and your mind and actions have to meet to be present. So you make a choice in mindfulness meditation, what you're going to send your attention to. And in that practice, you bring it back to whatever your focus point was. For the meditation, like your breath or a word or something. And then so you connect it back to that thing. So I I I feel a lot or I hear a lot of parallels with this process you've created just as like the general, like over not general, but the the ongoing life awareness and and decisions you're making as you're living your life. speaker-0: Correct, correct. Yeah, and and it was interesting too is is like I I I work with individuals and couples and and ⁓ and and and I get this too. Hey Rich, you know, we we ⁓ I have this ⁓ it's on a refrigerator off it's a refrigerator made into a refrigerator magnet. Okay. So I give to be and we put it on the re literally I've done what on my on the refrigerator. Yeah. And Rich, you know what we did, we got home and 'cause I I did ⁓ new couples, all different kinds of trainings. We got our we got our kids together. And we we showed them the odors of life and we put them refrigerated and we said, This is as a family how we're going to function. That's we're gonna stay we're all gonna stay be aware, we're all gonna be in the moment. We're so now it it empowered the I'm gonna show the whole family now was rallying around this. And like for example, I was ⁓ ta one of the you know the father called me up, he says, Richard says, You were so incredible. I I took your advice. One of the kids was, you know, ⁓ was having a bad day and all this. speaker-1: Wow. speaker-0: And I asked them, you know, we w what what they were judging and they knew what I was talking about. And we talked about it. And they realized that the the what they what they were doing and they put your brain God, I forgot about yep. I can let this go now. I'm okay. So we i i it you can find out where the leak is. In other words, if upset yeah, I I said, Well, well never tell me, tell me what you're judging right now. Is it a fear? What what what are you feeling right now? Yeah. fearful if I don't get this or or whatever or maybe I'm gonna fail whatever it is. So then ⁓ we can talk about it and bring it out in the open and and ⁓ and work with it. So and the next thing we say confession is good for the soul, but when we talk, you know when we talk like you talk when when you're walking, you're edifying, you're you're discussing, you're sharing, ⁓ all these kinds of things happen and it ⁓ there's a healing process that goes on too. And I I came up also I came up with a new ⁓ description for leadership. that you might you and and here's what it is. Okay. True leaders, real leaders are healers. Leaders are healers. Because you you can work with a so called leader, but they're not a healer. They're not a healer. You you wouldn't hang out with them, you know, if if if if you're real, you know what I mean? Maybe in the service you find somebody that's over you, you know, that's ⁓ you know, they're they're not a healer at all. You know, they're not very nice people. speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. speaker-0: And so that's another thing as far as, you know, it's one thing to be a leader, but it's also something else to be a healer. Yeah. Yep. The law of attraction. Are do people want to be around you? Do do people yeah. So that's another, you know, cause you think, hey, what you're doing? What am I saying? Am I empowering people? Or am I doing the opposite? speaker-1: Starting with yourself too, right? What is it, physician, heal thyself? You've got to be healed in yourself as well before you can speaker-0: If it is to be it's if it is to be, it's up to me. speaker-1: Yeah. Wow. I ⁓ my gosh, I I love this. I I would love to get your advice or your your tools, your strategies on something that I know I I I deal with, I know others deal with too, which is the constant chatter, right? How what are some practical tools people can use when that chatter still finds its way in, despite the awareness, despite the drive, just Recognizing that chatter just it seeps in. You said, would you say find out where the leak is well figuring it out, but it's still leaking in. Like how how can people help to calm that beast or quiet that chatter internally? speaker-0: It it ⁓ it it pr well actually is is it become present. See and and here's the thing, it it takes practice and it and it's always gonna happen. It's always gonna it it's always going to happen. So it because that's how we're wired. And and so we're always gonna be hearing this thing. As and they say, Well, it was originally it's meant to protect us. But it ⁓ yeah, and I guess so, but it's also ⁓ it's protected us from enjoying life. I mean, we've we're all alive, but are we enjoying life? You know, so and and the chatter has a sublimal goal, which is to keep us where we are or worse. That's why we don't change. So constantly knowing the qualities behind it and knowing that there's an ad our my or chatter has an agenda, I'm gonna be watching. speaker-1: ⁓ so almost like thinking of it like its own little insidious little animal, like something that's trying to burrow its way back in, even though you're like you've repatched that wall a bunch of times. It's coming back. Yeah. Seeing it that way. Okay. speaker-0: Yeah, and so so just being aware of it and ⁓ you you can tell hey, well here's comes. No, nope, I'm gonna stop it right now because I know right now it's it wants to how do I say ⁓ disarm me, not as far as a living and I'm not gonna go there. So I become present. Dude, get walked. Do something. See there again, getting a walk, doing something changes your state. Bring your attention, you know, back into the present moment. You have the power over it if we will need to exercise it. speaker-1: So you because your mind can only be one place at a time. So to be present, if you're truly present, you can't be thinking about the those thoughts that couldn't have been self-defeating in the past that have have seemed to have won out other times, right? Bring yourself back to the present. Are there physical things? Like, do you ever like have someone, you know, like feel around or just do something like Really that's like a sensation or the hearing, smelling, seeing, something like that to just bring ⁓ right back to the present. speaker-0: Well, i you know, everyone can find their own path. But as long as they know women, ⁓ you know, this ⁓ there's another term I use by suggesting that our brain is not our best friend. Okay. And Tanner, you'll get a kick out of this one, ⁓ him and his wife who ⁓ I met actually ⁓ Tanner through his wife, but they have a six year old. And they kick around these terms we're we're talking about. Right. And Tanner was a couple of months, came over and said, You won't believe what his name's Declan. What Declan said, I says, What? Well, he was acting up and Brittany, we all kind of got after him and you know he's misbehaving. And about twenty minutes later, Declan walks back into the row and says, Mom, I want to apologize to you. Okay. And she says, ⁓ what for? He says, For my brain not being my best friend. ⁓ That's why I was at and I'm going, at six years old, he understands this. At six years old. speaker-1: ⁓ speaker-0: And he realized that it was the brain that incited him to do what he did and he realized that he was not his brain. And he came back and apologized to the mama. He at six years old. speaker-1: Yeah. So speaker-0: It's just being aware, practicing it, and and and if you're willing, here's the other part, to take responsibility for how you think. See, we we if we don't have that, then we're victims. Because we're we're gonna be doing whatever it says. ⁓ And ⁓ for example, vets, for example, I work with some vets, you know, suicides and things like that. And and ⁓ and they're ⁓ sometimes they're taking medication and finding out. speaker-1: Okay. Yeah. speaker-0: ⁓ we talk about the chatter, you how's that affect your the the your chatter and he said, Richard sometimes I take this stuff and it turns it up. It makes it worse. You know, so it it's coming in because when you started talking about life and this and some d do you do you really want to not live I mean do you really want or or if you could manage your chatter, would you reconsider? ⁓ you know how we wouldn't mean manage it. No one's ever told them that. That they can manage that. And that it's not who they are. speaker-1: But speaker-0: And and as you and I both know, being in the military, there's a camaraderie that exists you don't find back on the block. Right. Right? And so and so for them to understand that you're you know, you're not gonna have that back on the block because that's not how it works. And but and then plugging them into family and all these things that they have to live for, and you're right. No, I no, I no, I don't think I want to die. If I could manage this, yeah, I I I think I want to hang on. So then you know, you push up what you value. speaker-1: But yeah, right, right. So it's so so many important things there. just a recognition, right? Your brain's not your best friend. I am not my brain, taking responsibility for how you think. ⁓ it a lot of that is ⁓ almost like a reframing of of things to put yourself back in that place of agency to have ⁓ influence over over that, recognizing you don't have to think these things. And then your key is to bring bring yourself back to the present in that moment ⁓ to kind of break that cycle. speaker-0: Yeah. Do like you said, get and walk around. Do something to you know ⁓ that's a to break ⁓ you know the state of mind you're in at the moment. You know, it doesn't take much. And but there again, just do something that you love knowing, you know, whatever it is. Watch cartoons. I don't know, you know, good but ⁓ what but ⁓ but there's so many things that we can do. But see, but if we're not aware of this, we're not gonna do it. But if I could make you aware, you know, I I when I'm talking about religion and ⁓ I I say people get upset when I say ⁓ Jesus speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: didn't save anybody. And I said, Well, how can you say that? Well, if he truly had the power to save, he would have saved the world. What he taught us was how to save ourselves from ourselves. But we're not listening. Okay? Yeah. And so does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He would have saved the world. But you know, but see, he shows us where the button is, but he can't push it. Only we can. We speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: He shows us where the button is. Yeah. So in other yeah, he's in there to seat the kingdom of God and it'll be attitude for a number of things he said, which allude to that. But we only we can push the button. He can show us where it is, but we have to push it. speaker-1: What it when you work with people, what are what are some of the more common buttons or levers for that? Like s the specific things that kind of become more common go to's that people listening today could be like, ⁓ I could try that in my own life. Something specific I could try this afternoon. speaker-0: Yeah, well people f I mean being very general, you know, what what is it that ⁓ kind of knocks us out of the you know, it's depression, anger, ⁓ we're upset, we're stressed. ⁓ th these these types of things were killed, were the basic kind of things. So we go over, you know, again once again how the ⁓ our brain likes to ⁓ take time and turn it into a weapon. You know, ⁓ you should have done this, you should have done that, you know. All these kinds of things were because fears about the future. And regrets about the past. When generally people are fearful about something, it's something that hasn't happened yet. So let's take a look at it. Because what's happening if you're stressed now, it hasn't happened, you're basically giving your life away. You're not living your life. The chatter's running you. It's robbing you of life because you're listening to it. So, but if you can recognize it and say, let it go, and there's another phrase I love, it's biblical. The father doeth the work. And when I first years ago, I came across that my mother was neurotic, judgmental, and as much as I hated, I became lifer, but not in the same way. But I would worry. And so I thought, I'm gonna test this out. The next time something comes up, I'm gonna do the best I can, but I'm gonna let it go. I'm gonna say, look, Lord, the universe, whoever you want to call it, it's yours. You've got the ball. And next thing I know, it worked out. Or many times too, Sarah, instead of ⁓ getting or hoping I would get, you know, let's say ⁓ point A or whatever it was A, I had to use B instead. Okay. But sometimes B turned off better than A because I let it go. I did I listen, I let the universe take me where you want to take me. Yeah. And and so I'll find out the answer once I get there. speaker-1: Or sometimes then. speaker-0: I live the universe and it works. I cannot tell you how many times I let it go and I don't even think about it anymore. Period. And the and the trick is if you want it to really don't think about it ever and wait, wait till you get there and see what happens. And you'll be amazed. speaker-1: might not even be as important in the future when you get there. speaker-0: Because yeah, because now I can live my life. In the meantime, I can live my life. Because I'm not basically I let it go. I'm letting the universe do it. And then and like and so people go, Rich, it works, it does. And you're right. I I I didn't do A, I did B, but it was better than yeah. But you're right, I let it go. I let it go. And it's just that simple, Sarah. It's and the beauty about this is scalable, transferable. ⁓ even anybody can well, even a six year old can teach us, you know, is I can't. Yeah, and so it's very, very simple. It's a question speaker-1: those four steps. ⁓ the the letting go piece, I I I know that's always said than done, difficult to do, right? That for me that's been well, it's my mantra, frankly, is embrace the space after Victor Frankel's history and work. And for me, embracing that space ha is critical and it's a constant reminder I have for myself because I do have a tendency to want to try to control. speaker-0: Yeah, good big speaker-1: Right. And I've I've grown a lot over this last probably almost decade now in working on these things. But that's my I I still get pulled in back into that for a lot of different reasons. And so my mantras literally embraces space, like that unknowing period or that time and and being able to let go that that that's really helpful for me to have a reminder for for that exact thing you're talking about. speaker-0: Yeah, there's and it's well the and you just touched upon something I w I want to cover. The ⁓ going back to the ego. Because I kept I kept thinking about it. Well, you know, if you if you you know had it you could dissect it, what would it look like? What the what what is it made up of? Yeah, it and so what I came up with ⁓ and ⁓ is that the ⁓ our ulcer self has four needs. It wants us to fulfill, which we do. And these are not in order. speaker-1: So you gotta look like speaker-0: One of them is the need to project to the world the image in our head of who we think we are. Look at me, look at me, look how wonderful I am. The need to be right. The need to be right, the need to control, and the need to never, never be accountable. speaker-1: Yeah, yeah. ⁓ never be accountable. Interesting. Tell me more. speaker-0: Well, yeah, in other words, ⁓ in other words, as long as I'm not accountable, ⁓ I'm not going to correct what I'm doing if if ⁓ if I said Sarah, what you just said hurt my feelings. You know what I mean? And you could say, ⁓ come on, Richard, you can take a joke. Well, no, I can't. I didn't like that. You know what I mean? I well you just want to do it accountable, and ⁓ you know, I don't want to see, and also accountable is recognizing what you did wrong and also saying, I'm not gonna do it again. speaker-1: Yeah. So yeah. So that's like a universal a universal ⁓ f function of the ego. speaker-0: Yeah. And and here's another thing that we do ⁓ and we're not totally not aware of. For example, you may say, Hey Richard, look at the outfit I just got. Isn't it sharp? And and I'm going, Yeah, okay, sir, but you know, Sarah, ⁓ that's not really your color. You know, that you you know, and so you know, and so but when I'm saying here's what I'm ⁓ when I'm when I'm doing that, what I'm really doing is making you wrong for the cover you picked out. Now why would I want to do that? Why would I make Because if if I am making you wrong, what does it make me right? And we have this need to want it be right. And we go by different ways of securing that. By that's as simple as I'm judging you for the cover you picked up for your outfit. As simple as that. But that's what I'm doing. Okay, and making you wrong and so I can feel right. And why is it I have the need? Because I don't see myself as a whole person. If I saw myself as a complete person, I don't have the need to make you wrong. What the only thing I should be doing is supporting you and loving you. Period. That's it. speaker-1: Period. Right. So it'd be the whole person to be then to be able to offer that to someone else. speaker-0: We we have holes in our psyche. We're not we we don't talk about it, we're not aware of it, but we're constantly trying to fill these holes because we don't see ourselves as old because the chatter's beating us up all the time, but tells us if we're not a whole person. speaker-1: Right. So going back then to like the my brain's not my best friend. It's conspiring against us. Yeah. So you've got these four things. You've got awareness, presence, conscious choice, and connecting to what matters. And then on the outside is judgment, which is what we're going through again here. What else is on the outside? speaker-0: Thank you. ⁓ j well and also it's counterclockwise. Let me show you again. It's counterclockwise judgment works with the chatter in our head. It that's goes up it picks up the evidence it was wrong with life in the hope that we will react. And react we do by staying outside of a circle. speaker-1: ⁓ yeah, please. Thank you. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So judgment, then that's a chatter. Okay. Then that that circle, it's like unwinds you. One step forward, one step back, right? It keeps pulling you. Interesting. Yeah. Really. speaker-0: It's like a map a map, it's a point of reference. And once again, it's it's all on my website. speaker-1: Yeah. So to have a way when you find yourself in that to number one, recognize it. That's the awareness piece. And then find a way to return yourself to presence. Right. Knowing that chatter's going to have to go away if you're actually truly being present in whatever you're doing right then. speaker-0: Present. Correct. Because the the chatter in our head in the present moment cannot exist at the same place at the same time. speaker-1: Right, right. That's ⁓ that's excellent. Thank you. Thank you for that. I would love to talk to about a quote you have on your website. Sure. You have a bunch of quotes. They are lovely. There are so many interesting ones on there. One I saw that really connected with me was the universe responds to movement, both spiritual and physical. speaker-0: Yeah. Right. Wha what do you want me to to talk about it? speaker-1: Yeah, please do. Where like these are all yours, I assume. speaker-0: Yeah. Well the the th the physical is like ⁓ for example, the ⁓ with with Charles Darwin. Did ⁓ did I mention this yet yet? I'm just talking I had the conversation a few hours ago, I mentioned it too. Well with just a few hours. Okay. Charles Darwin, he wrote the book ⁓ origin the ⁓ origin species, it's about evolution. Okay. Well Darwin Darwin at the time, he was the kalop of cociology, he was a naturalist, and he believed that All the animals and life forms that we see is exactly how God made them. Exactly how God made them. And then he's looking at these finches that are on the islands. And he noticed one ⁓ a finch on one of the islands had a different kind of beak. And he thought, why is that? And he is he as he observed, he noticed there were these nut trees on the island. Well, the bird was was was pecking on the nest to open them up to eat what's inside, right? And then he said, wait a minute here. And he says, you know, I think what happened is when the finches got here, their beak was like every all the other finches. But when they started pecking on the on the ⁓ shell, nature responded by taking her beak and turning it into a tool. That allowed so he came to that conclusion about the evil that we evolved. But it evolved because they they stayed with pecking on the nut. They didn't know so they stayed with so. speaker-1: Okay. Yeah. speaker-0: So consequently ⁓ these penguins they said would be ⁓ used to fly. Now they're in the water. Okay, so he started putting all this together. And how many times is ⁓ you when you're thinking about something, you you can literally create it if you're into it. You know, if you bring out what is within you, but you bring out will say if you're doing what you love, generally speaking, you're gonna be out there talking to people, networking, doing things, and things will start happening because that's part of the law of attraction. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: Okay. So so there's there's there's ⁓ yeah, anyway, it will respond to us ⁓ you know, things can pop up out out of nowhere. They it's exactly what I need. Why? Because you're in the zone. You know, that that type of thing. speaker-1: So yeah, and I'm I mean it's the future walk podcast, right? So the walk, the movement is a big part of this in in my kind of my practice as well as is what we talk about here. And I just I love that that the universe response to movement, both spiritual and physical, like that physical act of walking does make you more creative. It helps your conversations flow, ⁓ and it helps it just helps you think forward. And it can take you out of that chatter, right? If if you're walking and your brain is thinking about all these negative things, just knowing that principle, you cannot think about two things at the same time. You can even physically send your attention like to your feet, that feeling of your feet on the ground, or if there's wind, the feeling of the wind on your skin, something that is concrete enough to draw your attention to it, especially as you begin. Like that will take your mind off of that chatter. So now I know you use tool ⁓ walking as a tool as well with with Tanner. Do you mind sharing some of the like you guys sometimes will go walk or you say you'll walk around your space when you're thinking? speaker-0: Yeah, I mean that I mean there's no there's no ⁓ how do I say rhyme or reason, it just depends on what's going on, you know, and so ⁓ or ⁓ somebody could be just going out to lunch. Hey Channel, you hungry? Yeah, yeah, let's go. Let's go get a bite and we'll kick it around. Just and you know, the thing is we we concentrate on having fun. Yeah. You know, yeah. I I was ⁓ married I you know ⁓ a second time and bottom line was my ⁓ Gala was married Linda. ⁓ she we both knew our exes, okay. And she says, Richard, you know, we're ⁓ you know, you didn't get along with Marcia, I didn't get along with Johnny, you know. And she says, You know what the reason was? They don't share our sense of humor. I never I never thought about that. And she says, and she was a real very wise woman. And she says, You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna get a commit to having fun as we as we do now. And so we're not gonna let the you know little BS that pops up get in our way. And and it was too true. We had our moments, but we you know, we we we dealt with it, moved on. speaker-1: ⁓ speaker-0: You know, we we because we the the focal point was for our happiness, our our our relationship. Yeah, and that was the most that we protect with your value. That was one of the most important things between us was our our relationship and protecting that and being happy. Beautiful. Yeah, being resourceful. Yeah, it is. speaker-1: Design that together, right? That wasn't, I think sometimes in any relationship, it's it's easy to fall into just how things have been, ⁓ and just to kind of keep going, right? Whether it's survival mode or long-term drift or something, you're just you're there, but like without without intention, there's not a lot of room for growth, and so that that movement that you're talking, or you know, that you were talking about in your quote, right, is just also that intention with another person of. Designing how you want your relationship to be, recognizing the thing that brings you joy, that brings you happiness as a as well as having fun. speaker-0: That's right. Love I in my opinion is is if you share the same value. That's what real love's about. I mean, you I don't know if you've heard the eighty twenty rule, maybe heard the eighty twenty rule. speaker-1: I've heard it in probably other contexts, so please, yeah, feel speaker-0: Okay, like for example, they they say twenty percent of the salespeople do eighty percent of the business. speaker-1: ⁓ okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that in other ⁓ occupations as well. speaker-0: And as far as, you know, ⁓ relationships go, you know, twenty percent is maybe the physical, but the other eighty percent is the spiritual and psychological. You know, that we're connected this way, you know. And so we we we identified it, we celebrated it and the and and we knew each other very well. It's like ⁓ you know, ⁓ we we've always been in the rental business. I remember there was ⁓ I had to go out and do some, you know, ⁓ at the anyway, ⁓ at one of my tenants and ⁓ I quite this Jell was doing something and then and she says something, well Richard, you said I could do that. I No, no, no, I didn't. No, I didn't. So bottom line, I get home and she's ⁓ so and so. I talked to so-and-so. I said, Yeah, I saw her too. Yeah. And she said to me ⁓ that she said to me that ⁓ we I forget what it was, but there's some damage that was done, that Richard said I could do it and had left. I said, Well, how did you respond to her? I said, I said to her right away, I said, You gonna take this back? I know this map. He would never, never say that. Do you want to re rephrase what you just told me? And so she got caught. She says, I know this man. He would never say that. You know, so we knew each other. We knew each other. We you know, yeah, you know, and so we we shared the same values and and and you know, we we were tight. We're we were we were best friends. We were best friends. Yeah, it was. Yeah. speaker-1: Thank you. That's it's beautiful to hear. Thank you. so much, so much there. I mean the the idea, goodness, the order to life framework, ⁓ just making sense of what's happening based upon the ego and the wiring and and how you can take these four steps. But recognizing these detractors, if you will, on the outside that will keep trying to pull you in the opposite direction. But now knowing that they're there and being able to counter them with just bringing yourself back to that present, back to that present moment, I think is incredibly powerful. Cause that then allows you to be that person you want to be for your for your spouse, right? For for the relationship you design to have for the person you want to be in the world. ⁓ and and other rather than letting the brain win, right? Letting the brain who's not your best friend, letting it have the control. So so that's really, really powerful. Thank you for sharing all of that. is there any like Last bit of wisdom that or one more bit of wisdom you'd like to share with people, maybe something you see most commonly or or ⁓ that's most dramatic as you've worked with people, ⁓ most dramatic that you people can overcome when when using this framework. What whatever you think would be really resonate that we've not touched on yet? speaker-0: Let me okay, let me 'cause you you have children, you must you have children? speaker-1: Two. Yeah. Two. Teenage two teenagers. Uhhuh. speaker-0: Okay. Well what you want to do? Okay. Are they still at home or Okay, all right. But anyway, ⁓ whenever y you have a chance to get together, if you have kids, future your husband there, you know, ⁓ we haven't really said this, but you know, ⁓ it's all about now the family's all about we're gonna have fun. We're gonna start as a unit, a fa and you know, show them the circle. You know what? And if we rally you know if we stay in this and and w the we honor this. speaker-1: One is, one's in college. speaker-0: We're gonna have fun. We're gonna be tight as a family. We're gonna be ⁓ you know, we're gonna have that that that you know, you don't talk, but you're connected. And and and and and and it feels so good. The kids are away, they feel connected. And let's handle have fun. And and if you're having fun, you're not having a bad day. You know what I mean? Because if you're you're not angry, upset or depressed, you're having fun. speaker-1: Fun. ⁓ Can't do two things at once, yeah. speaker-0: Okay, and and let's keep it simple. Enjoy life and have fun and support each other and laugh. Okay, that's that's it. speaker-1: That's that's beautiful, right? Doing these things brings all that joy back into life. It brings a space for it. It brings that ⁓ you know, ability to connect with it. So thank you so much, Richard. ⁓ is there anywhere like if people want to reach out to you or find you in the future, brainy yites, brainyites.com. Well speaker-0: We're we're changing. Actually we're we're going to Rich Waldman dot com. speaker-1: Rich Waldman dot com. Okay, perfect. Richwaldman dot com. speaker-0: God caught yeah yeah, and the brainite is is in the extension of that as far as our kind of our our mascot. You know, a brainite is is basically one who's who's ⁓ how do I say respects the order to life, lives within that matrix, this matrix ⁓ this this thinking system as to what a brainite does as far as how they function. speaker-1: Great, great, great, thank you. And RichWaldman dot com. And your book again? speaker-0: Is you it you are not your brain. You are not your brain. speaker-1: That that says it that says it all. And it's available on Amazon and Okay. Fantastic. Fantastic. Well, thank you so much for being here for sharing your work with us and what you're doing with helping people understand that they're not their brain, that they can manage the chatter, that relationships matter more than judgment is so important. I am now and always. ⁓ so for everyone listening, please check out his book. Please go to RichWaldman.com as well to learn more about him. And if you're finding value in this podcast, please subscribe so you can hit follow so you don't miss any episodes and share this episode with someone you know right now you're thinking about who needs to hear what Rich has to say about this. ⁓ and then feel free to leave a comment about what resonated most with this conversation we had with Rich today. So thank you for being here. Thank you for joining us. our walk podcast. It's such a pleasure to get to know you, Rich, and ⁓ appreciate you and appreciate all our listeners. And so this week as you head out into your week, just listen for that chatter and choose what you're going to do with it. Choose your support, choose where you're going to direct your attention over the judgments that might want to creep up and get into your life. So make that choice and until we see you again, enjoy your walk. Thank you. speaker-0: Here we go. Okay, sweet. Thank you so much, Sarah. Thank you. speaker-1: Yeah.