Latest / Straight Up Extra Dirty's Podcast / EP 25 - Straight Up. 🍸 Extra Dirty: Talking On The Toilet: Relationship Boundaries Gone Wrong

Transcript

EP 25 - Straight Up. 🍸 Extra Dirty: Talking On The Toilet: Relationship Boundaries Gone Wrong · Straight Up Extra Dirty's Podcast

• 0:20
  SPEAKER_05: Mike check?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_05: Pyro.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, Mike and sound sound great.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, good.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, I don't where is Mikey J?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_05: Even Biggie's getting Mikey, where are you?
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: You told him we were starting now, right?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_05: I told him we were starting now.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know what the hell's taking him so long.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_05: He's in the bathroom.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Mikey.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_05: What could he possibly be doing in the bathroom?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: I could tell you there are two things.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Give me a second.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to the bathroom.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Jesus.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_05: Are you kidding me?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_05: Who talks to somebody when they're in the bathroom?
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Time is money, Mikey.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_05: Oh my God.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_05: Even Biggie's waiting.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, there he is.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, guys.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when nature calls, gotta go.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_05: Are you kidding me right now?
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_05: For real?
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: What do you mean for real?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_05: Like you're in the bathroom, we're trying to get on, we're on set, and you're like one of the- You gotta go, you gotta go.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_05: And we're supposed to have a conversation about that through a bathroom door.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you haven't had a conversation on the toilet before?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_05: Absolutely not.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_05: Why would nobody why would I would never have a conversation when I'm in the bathroom?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_05: That is for privacy only.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_05: Nobody should be having conversations with anybody on the toilet.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_05: What?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_05: Are you kidding me?
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: I told you you were gonna talk to somebody on the toilet.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_04: Mikey G, this is ridiculous.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_04: I don't talk to anybody on the toilet.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_04: Certainly not you on the toilet.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: You're on the toilet right now.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_05: And you're talking.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_05: All right.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_05: What is your bathroom etiquette then?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_05: Because this is ridiculous, and I feel very uncomfortable because I don't talk to anybody.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_05: I've been with my husband for 18, 19 years, let me remind you.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: Not even Jack.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: You don't talk to Jack on the toilet?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_05: Alright, once in a while.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_05: But still, the point is he doesn't know him on the toilet.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_05: Does your husband know when you're on the toilet?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: Wait a second.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: Do you fart in front of Jack?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely not.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: That is 19 years with that man, as far as he's concerned, I don't guess.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_05: And as far as I'm concerned with you, that doesn't happen either.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: What are you talking about?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: My husband and I are full free whatever.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_05: What do you mean?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: That means like if he's going to the bathroom and I happen to be walking by and the door's open, we're gonna have a conversation.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_05: Why would you walk by the why would the door be open?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_05: That there is a time and place for everything in a conversation when if I'm in the bathroom.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: You've never been in a rush where you gotta go somewhere and you gotta run and grab your mascara and your husband's on the toilet.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta wait for him to get off the toilet.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_05: I never want to see that ever.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_05: I walked in once on somebody, and I never, ever, ever need to see that vision again.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_05: Because then it stays in your brain, and then you think this is the sexiest, hottest person in the world, and then all you could think about is them sitting on the fing toilet.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_05: Like, no, like, no, I don't want that image.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, no.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_05: That's what I'm thinking.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, everybody poops.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Why do people get so embarrassed when we talk about like peeing and pooping?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_05: Because you do it behind closed doors.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_05: You're not supposed to talk about it.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_05: Do you and Michael talk about it?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, like absolutely.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: We talk about was it a good one?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: Was it was it solid?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: Was it not solid?
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: Of course.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_05: Why?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_05: Why is that important?
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_05: Why?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's not important.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's just it's small talk, it's hearsay.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_05: Are you washing your hands after you're done?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: You better.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_05: No, you better.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: No, you better.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_05: You better.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: You better.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_05: I like I when I walk Biggie and I have to pick his poop up in a bag that I don't even touch anything that's plastic to plastic fingers.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I still wash my hands.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: The only time I don't ever wash my hands is when I know I'm getting directly into a shower.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know if that yeah?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_05: How do you open up the door?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, mm-hmm.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: The door's always open in my shower.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's open glass.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_05: Mm-hmm.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_05: Mm-hmm.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I don't know about you, but like, so uh okay.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_05: Do you like the roll on the like over or under?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, the toilet paper.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: This is a huge controversy.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, like we I'm we gotta tell viewers also, you need to come and talk about this on our polls.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta uh come on to our socials and tell us what what you think about this over or under, because mine is always over.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: When I clean the house, I like to fold it in a nice triangular shape and I put it like over, and it's easy if you have a guest come over for them to grab a tab, right?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: But if it's underneath, it's like you know, you Oh, you're not used to grabbing things underneath Mikey Jane.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_05: Is that what you're doing?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no, I'm just saying, like when you're picking underneath, even when you're in a public restroom and you're in the stupid thing and like you're trying to grab the toilet paper and you have to use that stupid claw, like you have to pinch and go under your reaching and you're trying to find the piece of paper.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that is pretty gross.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's gross, yeah.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: But here's the thing, you know what else?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: People are always on their phones.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: True.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: If you're gonna sit there because people's attention spans are so short, well, it's like reading a book on the toilet, right?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, if you're reading your phone, I okay.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, here we go.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just talking about sanitary here.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we are like they say you can't pages with the same hand that you're gonna wipe your crack.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_05: But they're but they're saying it's true.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_05: But they're also talk about how like never to have like an open toothbrush out there because that the my toothbrush is in the shower.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: I brush my teeth in the shower.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_05: That's an that's a good idea.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_05: I like that idea.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because then you just like when you rinse your mouth out and it's not on your chin, you don't have to wipe your face, and it's like yeah.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_05: No, I I still don't understand.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I'm not gonna have a conversation.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_05: I will say that I think that I have graduated.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_05: I will tell you how I have graduated.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_05: I would never go to the bathroom, and I'm talking about the bathroom.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Number two.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_05: Sure, yes, if that's what you want to call it, fine.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_05: Ever.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_05: Unless I was in my own house.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_05: And it had to be in my master bathroom.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: What if you're traveling and you're in another country?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_05: Right.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I mean, but I'm not gonna go in a public restroom.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what if you go into like like another country and they have a hole in the floor and it's the only place to go?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_05: That will never happen.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_05: I would rather back it up and throw it up out of my mouth.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my so wait, you're you're willing to put your face down in a public toilet.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, but you're not willing to put your fing ass down there.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_02: I will throw up.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'll say it.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely throw up.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_02: I will not.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, I've got this certain etiquette.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, like, like, like the the the flush.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_05: Let's talk about the flush.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_05: You know?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, what happens?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_05: Like, do you do you mute your phone?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_05: Like, is it is is it calculated?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_05: What do you mute it or do you just let people know you're in the bathroom and like, oh, hold on a minute.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_05: They could hear you peeing, they could hear other noises coming out.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_05: Like, what are you doing?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_05: Like, that's why I don't talk on the phone when I'm on the toilet.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and once again, your finger is going back and forth from button to button, and you're swiping and you're sliding, right?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: And you're doing a number two or number one or whatever you're doing, right?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: And you're gonna interact with your genitals, and then you're gonna go back to your genre.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_05: Well, back it up.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_05: I'm doing what?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_05: No, I'm gonna go.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_05: You're gonna interact.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_05: There's lots of paper between my fingers and my ass.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: This is true.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_05: I well, it should be with you too, unless you're doing other things in the bathroom.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what if you get one play?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, no, no, no.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_05: It's always gotta be, it's gotta be two play.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_05: It's gotta be.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_05: It's gotta be.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_05: Yep.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_05: It has to be.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: How many in your important conversations in your life have you had on the toilet?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: And don't f lie, you know there's been a lot of them.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: It might be your mom, it could be a business deal, it could be anything.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_05: I have alright, fine.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_05: I'll admit that I have had a call or two on the toilet.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_05: Nobody knows.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_05: I do hit the mute button when I know that there's gonna be any type of, you know, disclosure that I'm in the bathroom, including the echoing.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_05: You know, you gotta worry about that kind of stuff.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_05: But I work like, yeah, but I gotta worry about the germs and stuff.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_05: Like, I can't, like, okay, I'm gonna fest to something.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-oh.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, everybody you hear this?
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's coming out.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_05: It's not the phone.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_05: So to get things moving when I feel like things aren't moving, I have a very weird thing that I do.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_05: Is I will take a bottle, whether it's a toothpaste tube, or a bottle of shampoo or something, something that's around that I can grab, and I'll read the back of it, and that helps me forget that I'm trying to go, and I go.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: What do you oh, you need to relax.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: You need to relax to get the mood.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: She needs the temperature to be right.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there's gotta be I need mood lighting.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: I need mood lighting, I need sound music.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: Speaking of saxophone, lots of sounds coming out of you.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, but we put the phone on mute so people don't hear it.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_05: Well, we do.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_05: But you know, it's the other thing is, like, it's it's not like I was a single mom for many years, and I have a boy.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_05: I'm a boy mom, as you know.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_05: So, you know, when Dominic, when it was time to teach him bathroom etiquette, it's a little different.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_05: We're not wired the same way, you know what I'm saying?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_05: So that was a little different.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_05: But we don't want to have conversations, like they always put him on the toilet with a book.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_05: Maybe that's how what happened to me.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: What about when you're in the bathroom as a mom and your kids are banging on the door and they don't give you the privacy to go?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, well.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Did Dominic do that to you, like when he was a kid?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, think about it.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: The minute mom steps out of the room, they start banging on the door.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: They start banging mom! Like, how can a mom get a like serious movement if she if you're telling me you gotta be relaxed?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: I was constipated for the first 12 years of Dominic's life.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_05: First 12 years constipated because I couldn't go to the bathroom with him.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_05: No.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, yeah, I mean it's crazy, but like Jack is like a you know, he's I would tell.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_05: I can't believe I'm gonna say this.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_05: But I gotta be straight up.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_05: Like, wait, I got something better for you before I tell this story.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_05: So do your balls ever touch the water?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_05: Why?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, and let me ask you a question.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_05: Have you ever sat down and peed?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: I always sit and pee.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_05: Is that normal for a man?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think the average man does not sit when they pee, no.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_05: Does that make them special?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: No, I just happen to know that it's better for your prostate.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: God to sit while you're and pee.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm at home, I sit.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm in public, I'm standing.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_05: But you have you so most of the time you're sitting.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_05: So there are a couple of times where I've gone into the bathroom after Jack and the seat's warm.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_05: And I know he just peeed.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_05: He's gonna fing kill me.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I can't believe it's a big one.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's better for your prostate.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: It is.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: And also, like, it's like less like worried about like splashing.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_05: Stop worrying.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_05: I go, is there something I need to know here?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: But you don't want to But you don't want to splash and you don't want to get it like he's probably being polite to you, actually, by doing it.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: No, it I mean listen, I mean I keep it warm for Michael, but no, no.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: All different stories.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_05: No, but I will Okay, continue.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_05: I'll tell you something after.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Because now it's when men are when men are standing, like we can get it all over the toilet, you know?
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like he's being okay by sitting, he's ensuring it all ends up in the bowl.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_05: Well, okay, that's and that would be that would be Jack.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_05: That's courtesy.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_05: He has done this where there's a unisex bathroom and we go out to like a restaurant, and he'll say, and he'll he'll go to the bathroom first, and he said, Go to the one on the left, I cleaned it for you.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_05: He cleaned the toilet, and he yeah.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_05: So princess gets it.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: You got the princess treatment, somebody uh ahead of you cleaning the toilet.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_05: And I said, I'm gonna marry that man.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah, that was.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, was that when you were dating?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_05: He said, I just want you to know, like, if you're gonna go to when you go, just use the one on the left because I cleaned it for you.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's so sweet.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: But then there's and you can't even have a conversation with him while you while he's on the toilet.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_05: Well, you wouldn't no, I'm not, and you would never know that um you would never know that he went to the bathroom when he has gone to the bathroom.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_05: Like it's a big thing.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, so he's polite.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: He puts a seat down and all that stuff.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, cleans it all in.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_05: Seat up or seat down?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, in our house, always seat down, regardless.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_05: Even the top.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_05: I don't want to see a toilet.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_05: When I walk into a bathroom, I don't want to see a toilet seat up.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: I had two females in my house growing up, and if we left, if I left the toilet seat up, I would get in so much trouble.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's terrible.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, terrible.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: I don't blame them.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because you know what happens in the middle of the night, you get up, you go to use the toilet, and you flip it, and you don't see that the damn seat is and your butt taps the water and you go, ah, it taps that old rim f ⁇ ing.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, it's that ceramic rim, and you're like, whoa! Son of a like, woo! Yeah, no, I've had that happen before.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_05: I'm like, and you know, but yeah, I don't know.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_05: It's crazy, but yeah.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, I I guess What about farting?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: Do you fart in front of of Jack?
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_05: Or that doesn't exist in my world.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_05: I'm sorry, but it doesn't.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't flatellate.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: I do not do any of those like this.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_05: Those are called um fluffs, like the little they're not.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_05: I don't do anything.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_05: I there's no sound that has come out of me and my head.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_05: You know what?
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_05: I told him he said this to me, and I said, I'll tell you what.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_05: You record it, I'll believe it.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_05: But until I hear it.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: I want proof.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody needs to set up.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna do a sleep study.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: We wanna see if you're farting while you're sleeping.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_05: If it if I don't hear it and I don't see it, it never happened.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_05: The conversation is over.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_05: Over.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: What about poopy diapers?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have any crazy poopy diaper stories?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_05: So my my son is an angel.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_05: So, you know, anything that comes out of my son, Dominic, is beautiful.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_05: Let me just start by saying that, even though he's 27 now.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but I'm going to confess that my ex-husband changed the first poop diaper.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_05: And then when it came, I never changed a diaper in my entire life until my son.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_05: Even though I went to babysitting school from the fire department and they used to train me to be a babysitter so I can make extra money and all this stuff.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_05: I never had to change a diaper.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_05: So I'm not good at that kind of stuff.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: I don't do diapers.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_05: It's not the it's not the like put it on.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's the gagging, like yeah, he had some green stuff come out of his ass, but you know that you know he was he everything that came out of him was a scented flower.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_05: My son could do no wrong, including his ass.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: Apparently, when I was young, I used to like to finger paint.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have any you what?
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: Finger paint.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: You finger painted your crap.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: My mom came came to get me out of the crib one day, and I had taken my diaper off and I was painting on the wall with it.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's disgusting.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: Disgusting, isn't that gross?
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: I said, oh my god, mom.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I'm so sorry.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_05: That is one of the craziest poop stories I have ever heard.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_05: Do you have any other poop?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_05: Like, how do you top that?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_05: You have anything else from that?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, crazy poop stories.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: Alright, so my craziest poop story.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: Are you ready for this?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: This is the if we were six-year anniversary.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to dinner with my husband.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: We go to our favorite little mom and pop, thick and thin, the best place to pick the best pizza you can get in Booker Tone in my bed.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: So we go there.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: We sit down, we order our regular food, we're eating, we're about halfway through the meal, and I said, Michael, I don't feel good.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: So he says to me, he's like, What do you mean you don't feel good?
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: I said, My stomach is a little bit gurgly.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, you know, he's like, Well, you know, what do you want to do about it?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, well, we gotta go.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, so I was like, check, please.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I call a waitress over and he's like, Are you serious?
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Yeah.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: Now grant granted, this is our anniversary, so I'm all dressed up.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: I have like my favorite pair of jeans on, they just happen to be white.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: I have like a Gucci belt, I've got my Gucci shoes, I'm like decked, right?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: So we're I look at the bathroom in the in the in the restaurant, and it's literally like a a square, like a four by four square, and I'm like, there's no way that I'm going in that bathroom because it's like right next to the kitchen, and I'm gonna blow up the whole restaurant.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm like, there is no way I'm doing it.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: So we get the check and we start to leave, and I dart to the car, and Michael says, I'm going, I'm not gonna make it.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: He says, You're fine.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: You're you got this.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: I said, I don't got this.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: So we pull out of the the um parking lot and I see a McDonald's in the in the plaza, so I pull up to the McDonald's, I dart for the bathroom.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: I go inside, I knock over a person, I go to the bathroom, there's like the sink.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Both of the first two stalls are already like out of order, right?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: I go into the handicap stall, I don't make it.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_05: You don't even make the pants down.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: I the pants were half down.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_05: And you still didn't make it?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: I did not make it.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_05: Why did you stick your ass out so it didn't get on your pants?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: I did stick my ass out, but it got everywhere.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: And when I tell you it was it was a fing disaster.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: Then Michael comes trailing in a two minutes later because obviously I'm running and he's just, you know, he's coming around like normal pace.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: He says, Is everything okay?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I say, Did you cry?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, are you kidding?
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: I was crying, I was laughing, I was doing all of it.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, he's like, Are you okay?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: I said, No, I said, I said, there's everywhere.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a fing murder scene here.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I need some help.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, help me out.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, he's like, what do you want me to do?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I don't fing no! I'm like screaming at him, and he's like, Why are you screaming at me?
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I'm like, my pants, my pants are ruined.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I take my clothes off and it's the handicap stall, so there's this little sink.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I take my pants off and I'm like, all right, I'll just I'll try to clean my pants, you know, so that I can exit McDonald's.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: So it's an emotion sensor.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's like giving me three drops, and I'm like, I mean, this is really gross.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's fuck it's disgusting.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's like literally the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: So Michael's like, I said, Well, Michael, why don't you go to the store and get me some clothes?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: So he runs to Walmart, he gets to go buy you new clothes?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: I had to throw my clothes out.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then, wait, to make things even worse, like I call my sister because I call my sister like in tragedies.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, so he's This is catastrophic.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_05: It's catastrophic, right?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_05: It's catastrophic.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm literally sitting here waiting for Michael for you know, he had to go to Walmart, so it was like a good 30 minutes that I'm basically standing there with no pants on.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to clean everything up.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_05: Did anybody come into the bathroom?
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody comes into the bathroom by myself the whole time, and I'm just standing there, and then you know, Michael comes in, I change, and I'm on the phone with my sister, and I'm laughing, and he's like, What is so funny?
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, This is funny.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, this is like you can't write this down.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: You can't make this up.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: No pun intended, exactly.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: So literally, he changes me.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: I go to the the the bathroom people, I went up to McDonald's, and I was like, hey, you know, is there something you could give me so I can clean up after myself, you know?
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and they were like, No, we don't do that.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_01: Deny, deny, deny.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_05: I would never, ever tell anybody.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I didn't care.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to do the right thing.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: It was the right thing to clean up after myself.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_05: Well, you clean up after yourself, but you just say, you know, do you have an extra?
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_05: I would never, like, oh hell no.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_05: I'd find another way not to.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you know what?
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: They they told me we don't do that.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, that's even disgusting.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_05: That was at McDonald's?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: So I had to leave.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: Definitely not a shady.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: I had to leave and walk away from the scene of the crime.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: But it was a Gucci belt down, a pair of Gucci shoes, and my favorite pair of white jeans.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, and the ultimate.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_05: Needless to say, Did you salvage anything?
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_05: So have you ever gone to the bathroom besides McDonald's in a really nice bathroom?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_05: Like, have you ever, like, have you ever experienced a very luxurious bathroom?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_05: Like, whether it's a hotel or like what do you do in that point?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like luxurious bathroom.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_05: Like, have you ever sat on a gold throne?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, of course.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_05: And what was that?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_05: Did it feel like a different experience when you went to the gold?
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's always a nicer experience.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like, for me, like when you go into like a luxury hotel and they have like the scent booster going through the whole thing, and then you get the private What about a bidet?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love a bidet.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_05: Well, what what do you love about a bidet?
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_05: I've never used a bidet, by the way.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_05: What?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_05: I know.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_05: And every time I go to Europe, there's one there and I'm afraid to use it.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_05: Why?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_05: I'm afraid I'll never get off of it.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_03: No, I actually don't have an idea.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know how to use it.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_04: Who's gonna teach me how to use a bidet?
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_04: I have never ever used it.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_04: Every time I go to the house.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: I don't need my husband to wipe my ass.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: No, to show you how to use the bidet.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: Not to wipe your ass.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: God forbid.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: I can't.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_05: I know.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_05: We got time for that.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_05: I know.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_05: Years, that's what marriage is all about, right?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's what it's all about.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna wipe my ass and I'll wipe your ass.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_05: So we do you have a bidet in your house?
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have a bidet in my house, but would you get one?
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: In a second.
• 22:34
  unknown: Why?
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_05: Why do you like a bidet?
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because first of all, it's economic.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like you use less toilet paper, right?
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_05: How?
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_05: So, okay, again, coming from somebody that's never been on over one, right?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_05: Because you stand over it.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_05: No?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_05: You sit on it?
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_05: I swear to God.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a toilet, but it has like a plumbing in there.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: But the plumbing is directed at your at your at both genitals.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: The front or the back.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_05: Okay, okay.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_05: So so how does that make it squeaky clean?
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_05: Because when you have to wipe it to make sure that there's no resin, you still have to dry it after.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, isn't there?
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: Unless you get a fancy one of these Korean toilets now.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_05: They wiping your ass for you?
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: They they have seat warmers, they've got music, they've got aromatherapy.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: They I mean the seats are heated.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: You don't speaking of heated seats, you don't need Jack to heat your seat anymore.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah, I know.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: I've heard about that.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: I've heard about that.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_05: But then if I got one of those, it would never happen.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, so I part remember I was telling you how I read things because I have to be relaxed, because a lot of times a lot of people are constipated.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_05: And they're not for any other reason.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_05: Like they're taking all like I take magnesium to make things flow very easy in the morning.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_05: Right?
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: Magnesium makes things very flow.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_05: Is there any other alternative to that?
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there's many alternatives.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, but the positioning of your legs is very very important.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_05: Why would the positioning of my legs be important?
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_05: I'm thinking magnesium, uh, uh a laxative, like what positioning of my legs?
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_05: Doesn't it have to be in your digestive system?
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know the exact angle, but I do know a product that if your legs are in the proper angle, your rectum actually is more relaxed for you to empty.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_05: Please don't say that word again.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: Rectum?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's disgusting.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: It just sounds like you rather me say anus or asshole.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: I would rather you say ass.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_05: Not asshole.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_04: Not anus.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_04: I just want to hear ass.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_04: Don't say anything else but ass.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: Listen, when you put your legs onto this onto this product, it's called squatty potty.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god, you've never had a squatty potty before?
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: What is it gonna say?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: You're telling me about your routines and like how you do your thing.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_05: So you're telling me I'm gonna go to the bathroom easier because my legs are standing on top of something?
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: You'll have a more satisfying bowel movement.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna call bullshit on bullshit and real bullshit.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know what?
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_01: I think you should try it.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_05: I think you should try it.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_05: What is that?
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's a gift.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_05: What is that?
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's a squatty potty.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_05: This is a squatty potty.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_05: Am I supposed to put my ass in it?
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_05: You're supposed to put your So this plastic thing is gonna make me go to the bathroom?
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you put your legs on the squatty putty and it puts your legs at the right angle.
• 25:41
  unknown: Oh, oh, I feel something.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_02: Are you feeling are you moving?
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm feeling a movement.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yes! Yes!
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_05: Oh I feel like that seems to be when Harry met Sally.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: Did you know that the Romans actually, when they used to go to the bathroom, they used to do it in a trough.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: So people it was a social gathering.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, let's let's get together and crap.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, it's just it was like it was like a trough, and like if you had to go to the bathroom, like everybody would go visit the trough.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody would go visit the trough, and they would go to the bathroom.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_05: It's fucked up.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm serious, it's the way it works.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: Is it?
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: My legs keep coming up.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know why my legs are coming up.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_05: Oh my goodness.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_05: Alright.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, shout out to Squatty Potty because I'm telling you it's the best invention you've ever had.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm gifting this to you so that you can have.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_01: You look ridiculous.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_05: I don't think I've ever done a podcast, an interview, or anything.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_05: I don't think anybody's seen anything like this before.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: Nope.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_05: Mikey G, I don't know how you did this.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_01: When we talk about straight up extra dirty, we said we got straight up.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: So we're talking extra dirty.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Straight up extra dirty.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_05: All right.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_05: You know what?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna let you roll us out of here.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: So all right.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thanks for joining us, guys.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh for On the Potty, number one.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know, stick to stay tuned for maybe a part due.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's part one.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: We already talked about part two.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_01: We talked about part two more than we talked about part one.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_05: We did.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_05: We did.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: Definitely.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: But shout out to uh Straight Up Extra Dirty.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: Follow us on our uh all our socials, Straight Up Extra Dirty.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um and you can find us on Spotify, iHeartRadio, uh, iTunes.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, Apple, and uh you can watch this show literally on YouTube.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_05: Oh no, there's a pun intended here.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_05: It's a show.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_03: It's a no pun intended.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_05: So uh check it out.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_05: We want to hear, are you um above uh over or under on the toilet?
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_05: And who else has conversations on the bowl?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: No one's gonna say under, by the way.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_05: What are they gonna say?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_05: It's over or under.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_05: It's kind of like betting.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_05: Alright.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, what on that?
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_05: Let me take my drink because I'm gonna need a double martini.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_05: Straight up.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_05: Straight up.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_05: Extra dirty.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: Extra dirty and flushed.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: And flushed.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_05: Next time.