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Christ in the Center (Marriage as a Mission) Pt 2 - 325 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

0:07
Daniel Moore: Most marriages don't fall apart overnight.
0:10
Daniel Moore: They drift.
0:11
Daniel Moore: Not because of some big dramatic moment, but because of small, subtle shifts that no one really notices at first.
0:17
Daniel Moore: It's when good things, like work, kids, or just trying to keep life from falling apart, quietly take center stage.
0:25
Daniel Moore: And before you know it, your marriage starts to feel less like a relationship and more like a well-organized group project.
0:31
Daniel Moore: You're coordinating schedules, paying bills, passing each other in the hallway like coworkers on different shifts, and somewhere along the way, connection takes a back seat.
0:40
Daniel Moore: Well in this week's episode, we're talking about how to realign what matters most and get your marriage back in the right order.
0:46
Daniel Moore: God first, your spouse second, and everything else where it belongs.
0:50
Daniel Moore: Because here's the truth: when good things take God's place, they don't stay good.
0:55
Daniel Moore: They start pulling everything out of alignment.
0:57
Daniel Moore: But when you intentionally put him back at the center, something powerful happens.
1:01
Daniel Moore: You stop just managing life together and start building something meaningful again.
1:06
Daniel Moore: It's not about being perfect, it's about being intentional.
1:09
Daniel Moore: And yes, sometimes that intentionality looks like praying together when it feels a little awkward, or choosing love in the middle of a disagreement when your flesh is like, yeah, but I'd also like to win this argument real quick.
1:21
Daniel Moore: This conversation is all about shifting from drift to direction.
1:25
Daniel Moore: Because a strong Christ-centered marriage doesn't happen by accident, it's built on purpose.
1:31
Daniel Moore: Welcome to Marriage Life and More.
1:38
Daniel Moore: This is a podcast about marriage, Bible, and book studies.
1:41
Daniel Moore: We interview people that have inspiring stories.
1:43
Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and over next to me is my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle.
1:47
Daniel Moore: Hey, hey.
1:48
Daniel Moore: Thank you guys for joining us this week.
1:50
Daniel Moore: Not familiar with our show.
1:51
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1:53
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1:56
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1:58
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2:01
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2:05
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2:10
Daniel Moore: Give us a thumbs up or five-star review and Apple Podcast.
2:13
Daniel Moore: And we'd be thankful to you for doing that.
2:16
Daniel Moore: Well, this week, as we continue our series on marriage as a mission, we're going to be continuing and finishing up episode four that we started last week.
2:27
Daniel Moore: And again, if you'd like to get a copy of this book, you can do so by going to our website, marriagelife.com.
2:33
Daniel Moore: There's also a six-session study guide that goes with it as well.
2:36
Daniel Moore: This is the first book that we released here at Connecting the Gap Ministries, Marriage as a Mission.
2:42
Daniel Moore: And hope you've been enjoying these episodes so far.
2:44
Daniel Moore: So this week we're going to go ahead and get back into it, and we're going to wrap up episode four of Keeping God in the Center of Our Marriage.
2:53
Daniel Moore: So as we get started this week, last week we talked a little bit about how it's so important that we keep God first because if we don't, everything just kind of starts imploding around us and it starts becoming us at that point.
3:22
Daniel Moore: And, you know, Michelle and I, I think last week we talked through a lot of really good points about marriage and why it's so important to keep prayer and to keep reading the word.
3:32
Daniel Moore: And we talked about worship.
3:33
Daniel Moore: There's just a lot of different things that we talked about last week that as Christian couples, we really need to keep those things on our radar and make those a part of our everyday activity, our everyday life, as we are attempting to keep our marriages together and in a way that honors God.
3:51
Daniel Moore: And I think last week we covered a lot of good territory that I think sometimes isn't really thought of in marriages.
3:58
Daniel Moore: So this week we're going to take it a little bit further and get a little bit deeper into this because it's real easy for us as couples to put God on the back burner.
4:09
Daniel Moore: And I think, Michelle, you know, I'm sure you agree with me.
4:12
Daniel Moore: There's lots of times even in our own marriage where we have not kept God front and center in our life and in our marriage and our decision making, uh, the way that we've, you know, raised our children.
4:24
Daniel Moore: There's just a lot of things, a lot of different times over the span of our marriage that we kind of made a lot of those choices on our own.
4:30
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
4:31
Daniel Moore: And we didn't allow God to be a big part of that.
4:34
Daniel Moore: And honestly, when we do that kind of thing, there is something out there that's called idolatry.
4:40
Daniel Moore: And I know a lot of times we don't like to look at things in our lives as idolatry because that's kind of a nasty word.
4:46
Daniel Moore: If we sit there and say, you know, well, I've got an idol in my life, and this is something that I idolize or whatever, typically we're not very proud of that.
4:54
Daniel Moore: That's just not something that we, you know, want to go around spreading around to everybody and sharing that information with people.
5:01
Daniel Moore: But honestly, if we have something that's actually putting itself in the place of Christ in our marriage, what else can you call it?
5:08
Daniel Moore: I mean, it's got to be at some point, it's gonna be an idol in your life because anything that you put in front of God, that you put first before you put God in that equation, that's an idol in our life.
5:20
Daniel Moore: No matter how you want to look at that, there's no way to sugarcoat that at all.
5:24
Daniel Moore: And so this week we're going to talk about some different areas in just our everyday marriages, our everyday living that we have to deal with on a daily basis in our marriages that can become idols that we can actually put in front of God and put them in his place.
5:42
Daniel Moore: And so we're gonna be talking this week about guarding against the idolatry.
5:47
Daniel Moore: And the things we're gonna be covering uh this week is career, kids, and comfort.
5:52
Daniel Moore: That's three things that we're gonna talk about as we dig into this.
5:56
Daniel Moore: So, one of the biggest threats to a Christ-centered marriage isn't always loud, obvious sin.
6:01
Daniel Moore: A lot of times it's the quiet, subtle misalignments.
6:04
Daniel Moore: It's when good things slowly become ultimate things.
6:07
Daniel Moore: It's when careers, kids, and comfort quietly climb onto the throne of your heart without you even realizing it.
6:13
Daniel Moore: And the tricky part is none of those things are bad.
6:16
Daniel Moore: You know, within themselves, kids are a blessing.
6:18
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
6:19
Daniel Moore: The Bible tells us that.
6:20
Daniel Moore: You know, God rewards us as parents with children for us to raise those.
6:25
Daniel Moore: So you would think, well, surely my kids can't become an idol in my life, in my marriage.
6:30
Daniel Moore: But you know what?
6:31
Daniel Moore: They can.
6:32
Daniel Moore: God gives us good jobs.
6:34
Daniel Moore: You know, he puts us in positions where doors open.
6:37
Daniel Moore: He allows us to walk through those.
6:39
Daniel Moore: Those are blessings that he puts upon our life.
6:41
Daniel Moore: But again, we can actually put those jobs in front of God.
6:45
Daniel Moore: We put those in front of Christ.
6:47
Daniel Moore: And so we have to be super careful with that.
6:50
Daniel Moore: And, you know, we want a peaceful, comfortable life.
6:53
Daniel Moore: You know, we don't like conflict, we don't like arguments, we don't like having constant issues and chaos going on in our marriages, in our lives.
7:01
Daniel Moore: We want some comfort, we want some peace.
7:04
Daniel Moore: But again, we if we're not careful, we can put things that create comfort and peace in front of Christ as well.
7:11
Daniel Moore: And so that's something else we have to be careful of.
7:13
Daniel Moore: So all of that stuff's good, but when those good things take first place, they become that nasty little word we was talking about a while ago.
7:20
Daniel Moore: They become an idol, that four-letter word.
7:23
Daniel Moore: And idols always pull our marriage out of alignment, most generally, and whenever that starts happening.
7:29
Daniel Moore: So God designed order for a reason.
7:32
Daniel Moore: And the way that he did that, and we've talked about this a little bit before when we went through the four laws of love, um, and biblically it's set up that God's first, and then it should be us as a spouse, should be next.
7:45
Daniel Moore: And then anything else that's out there in our marriages comes after that, whether if it's kids, career, family, whatever it may be, everything else falls into place after that.
7:55
Daniel Moore: Well, when that order flips, even if it's unintentional, things in your relationships and your marriages can start to crack.
8:02
Daniel Moore: The communication can weaken, the connection can fade, and suddenly we're not building a marriage anymore.
8:09
Daniel Moore: We're just managing a life together.
8:11
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
8:11
Daniel Moore: And that's when we kind of get into that danger zone because it's real easy to uh start letting those things kind of take a precedent in our life.
8:20
Daniel Moore: And before we know it, our eyes are taking off the prize, our eyes are taken off of Christ, and we're looking at other places that are more in the world, and then we open up that door for bad things to start happening and for things to not go as smooth as we hoped they would.
8:36
Daniel Moore: And so as we get started this week, Michelle, why don't you go ahead and and start off there with the first section we're going to discuss this week?
8:44
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
8:45
Michelle Moore: Um so Jesus makes this crystal clear in Matthew 22, 37 through 39.
8:52
Michelle Moore: Love God first with everything, then love your neighbor as yourself.
8:57
Michelle Moore: And let's be real.
8:59
Michelle Moore: Your spouse is your closest neighbor.
9:01
Michelle Moore: That is so true.
9:03
Daniel Moore: Yes.
9:04
Michelle Moore: That means your job doesn't come before your marriage.
9:07
Michelle Moore: Your kids don't come before your marriage, and your comfort definitely doesn't come before your marriage.
9:13
Michelle Moore: Those things are gifts, but they were never meant to be God's.
9:18
Michelle Moore: And Matthew 633 reminds us why this order matters.
9:24
Michelle Moore: When you seek God first, everything else falls into its proper place, not perfectly, but properly.
9:30
Michelle Moore: Here's what it looks like in real life.
9:33
Michelle Moore: You got one spouse grinding at work, staying late, chasing promotions for the family.
9:39
Michelle Moore: The other is pouring everything into the kids, practices, school events, endless snacks, and rides.
9:46
Michelle Moore: And on the surface, it looks like a strong, responsible family.
9:50
Michelle Moore: But underneath, the marriage is running on fumes.
9:54
Michelle Moore: Date nights disappear, praying together fades out, conversations become transactional.
10:00
Michelle Moore: Did you pick them up?
10:02
Michelle Moore: Did you pay that bill?
10:03
Michelle Moore: At some point you wake up and realize, hey, we built a life together, but we stopped building us.
10:11
Daniel Moore: And how many times, you know, even in in our own relationship, you know, we can look back, and we've talked about this before, we actually at one point in time got our stuff out of order.
10:22
Michelle Moore: I think more than once.
10:23
Daniel Moore: Yeah, lots of different times, definitely.
10:25
Michelle Moore: In different areas, you know, when you talk about careers, you talk about children, you talk about comfort.
10:30
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
10:31
Michelle Moore: I mean, in in all reality, that there's a lot of ways that you can get misaligned.
10:36
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
10:36
Daniel Moore: And you know, this one is a touchy subject because there's a lot of parents out there that are just totally 100% sold into their kids.
10:45
Daniel Moore: And I understand that because kids, kids are our offspring.
10:49
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
10:49
Daniel Moore: They are the next closest thing to us besides our spouse.
10:52
Daniel Moore: We all live underneath the same roof.
10:54
Daniel Moore: And so we always want our kids to be successful.
10:57
Daniel Moore: We want them to flourish.
10:58
Daniel Moore: We want them to have good friends.
11:00
Daniel Moore: We want them to be able to go do things and fit in and, you know, all the typical things as parents that we want for our children, we want that.
11:09
Daniel Moore: And sometimes we go to extremes to make sure that happens.
11:13
Daniel Moore: I mean, we we get in battles, we get in fights sometimes with other parents and other people.
11:18
Daniel Moore: Um, you know, I remember, you know, several times when our kids were in school where we had to go make trips to the principal's office because kids were, you know, being mean to our kids and stuff was going on and there was issues taking place and you know, getting chased down the road in their cars and all this other stuff.
11:35
Michelle Moore: It was being bullied.
11:36
Michelle Moore: Being bullied, yeah.
11:37
Michelle Moore: It was that's what it came down.
11:39
Michelle Moore: They were harassing.
11:40
Daniel Moore: And so, you know, as parents, we're automatically going to kick into defensive mode.
11:45
Daniel Moore: We're gonna take care of our kids.
11:46
Daniel Moore: You know, that's our first priority.
11:48
Daniel Moore: And but what happens over time is especially I think, and you can correct me if you if I'm wrong on this, but it seems to me that the more kids you get, the more kids you have, that it's so much more easier to let the kids take a priority.
12:03
Daniel Moore: Because not only are you just chasing one around now, now you're chasing two, well, now you're chasing three, now you're chasing four.
12:10
Daniel Moore: And if they're all in different sports, if they have different things that they like to do at school, so they're not really in the same place at the same time because their interests aren't the same, you know, that's when the parents start getting pulled in all different directions.
12:22
Daniel Moore: And I that's when it gets real easy if you're not careful.
12:25
Daniel Moore: That little statement there, we built a life together, but we stopped building us.
12:29
Daniel Moore: That's where that can become so true if we're not careful.
12:32
Michelle Moore: And I feel like that area can be so unintentional and not, you know, realizing that you're going in separate directions all the time and that you're so wore out.
12:41
Michelle Moore: And then by the time you get to your spouse, it's like, okay.
12:44
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
12:45
Michelle Moore: And it is the leftovers.
12:46
Michelle Moore: Yes.
12:47
Michelle Moore: And so it is, I think in a lot of marriages, it's intentional.
12:51
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
12:51
Michelle Moore: I mean, it's not intentional to, you know, I'm gonna do this and I'm not gonna talk to you.
12:55
Michelle Moore: But if you really think about it, you're just pressing one foot forward after the next and just trying to get to the next day, just surviving, especially as a mom.
13:03
Michelle Moore: I mean, not necessarily as, you know, I can't speak for everybody, but I know in our schedule it was constant.
13:09
Michelle Moore: And, you know, I had the flexibility to do a lot more.
13:13
Michelle Moore: And so it was like constantly running, and you would be running with one child, and it was you know, it was always something.
13:19
Michelle Moore: And granted, we didn't have a great marriage to begin with on that.
13:23
Daniel Moore: And so I mean So it almost became a distraction.
13:26
Daniel Moore: It was the kids were a distraction away from the elephant.
13:30
Michelle Moore: So we didn't have to deal with each other.
13:32
Daniel Moore: Right.
13:32
Michelle Moore: And you know, and in a healthy marriage, sometimes I think that it's just so unintentional, and it's just not really you didn't mean for it to, you know, put your kids before your marriage.
13:42
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
13:42
Daniel Moore: And you know, it's it's real easy to get an argument with other parents about, well, my kids are my everything.
13:49
Daniel Moore: I'll do anything for my kids.
13:50
Daniel Moore: It does not matter what happens, I'm there for them, they're my first priority, you know.
13:55
Daniel Moore: And I understand that argument completely.
13:58
Daniel Moore: We have kids of our own.
14:00
Daniel Moore: And, you know, we raised all of our kids kind of with that same mindset.
14:03
Daniel Moore: We want to protect our kids to the fullest extent of what we can as parents.
14:07
Daniel Moore: We want to be there for them.
14:09
Daniel Moore: But God's intention was never for us to put our children between your spouses.
14:15
Daniel Moore: That was never his intention.
14:17
Daniel Moore: The spouse's relationship was there first.
14:20
Daniel Moore: The kids are actually learning from us.
14:22
Daniel Moore: You know, that relationship that you and I have, our kids are watching that.
14:27
Daniel Moore: Right.
14:27
Daniel Moore: And all of you married couples out there that have kids right now, your kids, you are the example that they are seeing every day on how to have a good, flourishing marriage.
14:36
Daniel Moore: And if you're putting your kids between the two of you and there's no interaction between you and your spouse, you're not showing any um, you know, sentimental times towards each other, you're not showing uh love towards each other like you should be in front of your kids because you're just so um focused on schedules and time frames and you know, got to be here, got to be there.
14:55
Daniel Moore: It's all logistics, everything that you talk about.
14:57
Daniel Moore: That's what your kids are gonna grow up thinking.
14:59
Daniel Moore: Well, a marriage is about logistics.
15:01
Michelle Moore: Right.
15:02
Daniel Moore: And that's not God's intention.
15:04
Daniel Moore: And go ahead and there was one more line there.
15:06
Daniel Moore: This this next line that you're gonna share kind of puts this into perspective of why this isn't supposed to be this way.
15:13
Michelle Moore: Yeah, and when the kids grow up or their career slows down, there's not much left holding things together.
15:18
Daniel Moore: Yep.
15:19
Daniel Moore: And you and I are right now on this precipice of having empty nests.
15:22
Daniel Moore: We've already been an empty nester once before.
15:25
Michelle Moore: And then he came back.
15:26
Daniel Moore: It's a whole different dynamic.
15:27
Daniel Moore: Yeah, he did come back.
15:28
Daniel Moore: He missed us so much.
15:30
Daniel Moore: He just had to be a little bit more.
15:33
Michelle Moore: Yeah, we think anyways.
15:35
Daniel Moore: So we're gonna have our empty nest back.
15:37
Daniel Moore: And you know what?
15:38
Daniel Moore: As a married couple, that can that can generate two things it can create fear or it can create an excitement.
15:45
Daniel Moore: Oh, I'm excited.
15:46
Daniel Moore: Because if you are in a position where you've always put your kids first and you've not poured into your spouse and you almost have become strangers at this point because you've not had enough intimate time together and all that kind of thing, the thought of your kids being gone and it just being the two of you, that could be a little bit scary.
16:05
Michelle Moore: Well, and I also think that, you know, for the first time when our kids left, it wasn't necessarily we were in a healthy, healthy place, but there was still kind of a a fear of Are we gonna be able to get along in the long term?
16:20
Daniel Moore: Well, that's just gonna work.
16:22
Michelle Moore: You're a mom.
16:22
Michelle Moore: You always worry about your children.
16:24
Michelle Moore: Right.
16:24
Michelle Moore: And you've been used to 18 years of taking care of your children.
16:27
Michelle Moore: And then I mean, like my son's gone on a trip, he's driving to South Carolina, and in my whole mind today, I'm like, Lord, just keep your hand up on him.
16:35
Michelle Moore: And I said, Hey, will you text me when you make it there?
16:38
Michelle Moore: And he's like, I'll think about it.
16:40
Michelle Moore: And it's like, I'm still your mother, you know.
16:43
Michelle Moore: There there is always something I think for mom and dads that will always have a connection with your children and that you always want to be around them and do things for them.
16:53
Michelle Moore: As Dan says, it's our time, don't worry about our children.
16:56
Michelle Moore: And I'm like, But I love my children and I want them around me all the time.
17:02
Michelle Moore: Not necessarily.
17:03
Michelle Moore: I love my children, I love to see them and I like to do things with them, but I want my husband around me all the time.
17:10
Michelle Moore: Yeah, he is my best friend, uh, you know, and we love the empty nester.
17:16
Daniel Moore: Yeah, we we just love it, and we both now realize it's time for them to be adulting.
17:21
Michelle Moore: He says that I'm not ready for that.
17:23
Daniel Moore: This is their adulting moment, and I mean two of ours are already married with children.
17:28
Michelle Moore: I know, but it's still hard.
17:30
Daniel Moore: Yeah, the other one's dating, he's pushing 30 years old.
17:32
Daniel Moore: I mean, you know, if if you and I had continued the route we were going, uh, you know, a lot of times, to be honest, the t statistics actually back this up.
17:45
Daniel Moore: There is a, I don't I don't know the percentages, I didn't look it up, but there is a percentage of people out there that actually get divorced when their kids are gone because they don't because they don't know how to cohabit.
17:56
Michelle Moore: Oh yeah.
17:56
Daniel Moore: They don't know how to communicate, they don't know how to to live together anymore because everything has been poured into their children, and that was never God's intention because those kids move on, and then we have to figure out once that happens, where do we stand now?
18:11
Michelle Moore: Well, can you even think about when you retire, both of you retire and you're with each other 24 on, 24?
18:18
Michelle Moore: I mean, just like constant.
18:20
Michelle Moore: And so to me, that's another set of life that we're gonna, you know, right.
18:24
Michelle Moore: You really get to see that person, and if you don't have a relationship, then it's even gonna be harder.
18:30
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
18:31
Daniel Moore: And so we've talked about this side of it.
18:33
Daniel Moore: So now we're gonna talk about a different kind of marriage that does it the correct way.
18:38
Daniel Moore: Why don't you share that with us?
18:40
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
18:40
Michelle Moore: Um, now picture a different kind of couple, not perfect, but intentional.
18:46
Michelle Moore: They put God first, not just in theory, but in practice.
18:50
Michelle Moore: They pray together, even if it's short and sometimes awkward.
18:54
Michelle Moore: They make space for each other even when life is busy.
18:57
Michelle Moore: They don't ignore their responsibilities, but they refuse to let those responsibilities replace their relationship.
19:04
Michelle Moore: They parent as a team, they work with a purpose, not obsession.
19:10
Michelle Moore: They protect their marriage like it actually matters because it does.
19:15
Michelle Moore: And in the middle of the chaos, their relationship stays anchored.
19:20
Michelle Moore: When God is first and your marriage is protected, everything else finds its proper place.
19:27
Daniel Moore: And this is a perfect example of how living biblically is the way to go.
19:31
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
19:32
Daniel Moore: Because in this situation here, I like how you know they parent as a team.
19:37
Daniel Moore: So they're both they're not separate ways, off different directions, not having a clue who's doing what because there's the chaos and everything going on.
19:46
Daniel Moore: No, they're they're they're a team.
19:47
Daniel Moore: They know exactly what the other parents are doing.
19:49
Daniel Moore: They've got this all planned out, it's all figured out.
19:52
Daniel Moore: They're working with a purpose, not an obsession.
19:55
Daniel Moore: They're not obsessed with making sure their kid can be in everything and anything and be a part of it all.
20:00
Daniel Moore: No, the parents actually have a plan and a purpose for what their kids are doing because they know that as they get older, the things that they're doing is building character.
20:08
Daniel Moore: It's building uh, you know, young adults as they grow older so that they can actually live on their own um, you know, securely when they're out by themselves and they're moving on with life.
20:19
Daniel Moore: Um, you know, they protect their marriage because it matters.
20:22
Daniel Moore: You know, there's a whole different uh mindset there from that type of parent and they're gonna be blessed for that.
20:31
Daniel Moore: In the long run, I think those are the parents they're gonna have, you know, the pretty good relationships with their children, I think, as they get older and move on.
20:38
Daniel Moore: Uh, they're gonna have good relationships with their grandkids.
20:41
Daniel Moore: I mean, there's a lot of stability there in that type of a relationship because God was kept in the center of all of that and they never lost focus on the purpose of being a parent and what that truly means and making sure that God was included in all of that as those kids were raised.
20:59
Daniel Moore: And, you know, I've seen several uh different couples that are very strong Christian couples that they have super great relationships with their children, but they've always kept it balanced the correct way.
21:15
Daniel Moore: And it's really interesting to me to see how, you know, a lot of times I really feel like some of those kids in those types of relationships are actually more solid than the ones that the the parents are chaotic and they're just going all over the place.
21:28
Daniel Moore: A lot of times those kids, you know, when they grow up in that type of environment, they seem to have a lot of chaos in their life later when they become an adult.
21:36
Daniel Moore: And so I think one thing that we have to remember, we've talked about this several times in several different marriage episodes that we've had.
21:43
Daniel Moore: The way that we raise our kids, the way that we run our home, our kids take a lot from that.
21:48
Daniel Moore: And when they go to run their home later, it's real easy for them to take some of the things that we do as parents and put and put it into their own homes when they start raising their own kids.
21:59
Daniel Moore: Because you And I did it.
22:00
Daniel Moore: You know, I watched my parents and I brought some of this stuff from my parents into our relationship.
22:05
Daniel Moore: And, you know, you've done the same thing.
22:07
Daniel Moore: And sometimes those aren't good things.
22:10
Michelle Moore: Right.
22:10
Daniel Moore: And so we always got to make sure that we um defer off to God first and make sure that we're being biblical and there is an order.
22:20
Daniel Moore: Yes.
22:20
Daniel Moore: And it's very biblical.
22:21
Daniel Moore: God has it set in stone.
22:22
Daniel Moore: It's God, spouse, kids, and then on down the chain.
22:27
Daniel Moore: So that's the first thing we want to talk about this week as being an idol that can take the place of God.
22:33
Daniel Moore: Now the subtle danger of idolatry is this.
22:52
Daniel Moore: Idolatry doesn't usually announce itself, it whispers.
22:55
Daniel Moore: It sounds like, I'm just doing this for the family.
22:58
Daniel Moore: Or once things slow down, we'll reconnect.
23:02
Daniel Moore: Or this season is just busy.
23:05
Daniel Moore: But the thing is, seasons have a way of turning into years if you're not careful.
23:09
Daniel Moore: And the fruit of misplaced priorities is always the same.
23:12
Daniel Moore: You end up with disconnection, frustration, and a slow drift apart.
23:16
Daniel Moore: But when you keep God first and your marriage close behind, something powerful happens.
23:20
Daniel Moore: You create an environment where the love grows naturally, where trust is strengthened, and where joy isn't dependent on circumstances.
23:28
Daniel Moore: You don't have to choose between loving your family and loving God.
23:31
Daniel Moore: You just have to keep them in the right order.
23:34
Daniel Moore: And I think that, you know, sometimes there might be parents out there thinking this right now.
23:39
Daniel Moore: It's like, well, if I don't do all of this stuff I've been doing all this time and everything, my kids are going to think I don't care and I don't love them.
23:46
Daniel Moore: You know, they're I can't tell my kids no because these their friends are doing it.
23:50
Daniel Moore: You know, they got all these excuses and whatever.
23:53
Daniel Moore: There is a proper way that you can do all of that and still have good, solid kids that get to do a lot of stuff.
23:59
Daniel Moore: It's all in um preparation and being intentional in your parenting and being intentional in your family life.
24:06
Daniel Moore: Again, if you keep that prayer scripture and the worship, like we talked about last week, that should overflow into how you run your family from the foundation up to begin with.
24:17
Daniel Moore: And so we have to be careful because this idolatry thing, you may not want to call it that, but that's really what it is when we have these little excuses and these little um things that we'll say to try to justify the way things are and what's happening at that moment.
24:35
Daniel Moore: We can justify it all we want to, but if it's taken the place of Christ, it's an idol in your life.
24:40
Daniel Moore: And that those idols have to come down.
24:43
Daniel Moore: You cannot leave those in place.
24:45
Daniel Moore: So the next one here uh on the marriage altar, where love is renewed daily, won't you share that with us?
24:52
Michelle Moore: Yeah, let's shift this for a second because marriage isn't just something you committed to once.
24:58
Michelle Moore: The real marriage altar isn't the one covered in flowers on your wedding day, it's the one you come back to every single day.
25:06
Michelle Moore: A Christ-centered marriage isn't built on one big I do, it's built on a thousand small I choose you moments.
25:15
Michelle Moore: It's waking up and deciding I'm going to love you today, even if you're hard to love and you drive me crazy.
25:23
Michelle Moore: Just kidding.
25:24
Michelle Moore: I added that last part on.
25:25
Michelle Moore: I'm going to serve and not keep score.
25:28
Michelle Moore: I'm going to forgive and not rehearse what you did wrong.
25:33
Michelle Moore: That's daily surrender.
25:36
Daniel Moore: In Romans 12, 1, it calls us to be living sacrifices, you know, not a one-time offering, but an ongoing daily surrender.
25:44
Daniel Moore: And that means marriage isn't about convenience, it's about commitment.
25:48
Daniel Moore: It's also not about winning, it's about yielding.
25:51
Daniel Moore: It's not about being right, it's about being Christ-like.
25:56
Daniel Moore: So good.
25:57
Daniel Moore: And let's be honest, that's not always easy.
25:58
Daniel Moore: No, it's not.
25:59
Daniel Moore: It's very difficult sometimes to have that kind of an attitude when crazy things are going on in our relationships.
26:07
Daniel Moore: Because sometimes, you know, dye into self, it looks like apologizing first when you're pretty sure that you're only 30% wrong.
26:14
Daniel Moore: Sometimes it looks like choosing kindness when your tone wants to come out a little sharper than it should.
26:19
Michelle Moore: I think he wrote that for himself.
26:20
Daniel Moore: Think so?
26:21
Michelle Moore: I know you did.
26:22
Michelle Moore: You can just tell by that laugh.
26:25
Daniel Moore: It's very possible.
26:26
Daniel Moore: Just kidding.
26:27
Daniel Moore: Sometimes it looks like letting go of control, even when you know your way is better, or at least you're convinced it is.
26:34
Daniel Moore: But that's where transformation happens.
26:37
Daniel Moore: And so we always have to remember, and we've talked about revelation before, how if you do get in a position where you're more like roommates than you are soulmates, and you feel like you're, you know, drifting apart, living with strangers, however, you want to describe that, we've talked several times about how to correct that, and that's to go back to our first love.
26:56
Daniel Moore: That's to go back to where it all began.
26:58
Daniel Moore: And I think a lot of times when we talk about the marriage altar, sometimes that does become a distant memory.
27:05
Daniel Moore: You know, we we say I do at the altar, we walk away from it, and then some people get further and further and further and further away from it until they totally forget about what it was like that day, and now we've got a bunch of problems out here.
27:18
Daniel Moore: But if we do keep in mind that, you know, the way it was on that day that I said I do, if we can make that scenario happen every day, you know, and I know every day's not a honeymoon, I'm totally aware of that.
27:32
Daniel Moore: Um, they do say that after two years your honeymoon stage is over.
27:36
Daniel Moore: But does it have to be?
27:38
Daniel Moore: You know, it's like there's there's things that we have to think about.
27:40
Daniel Moore: If we truly love our spouse and we want to put them, you know, first, behind God, obviously, God's first, but we want to put them right in that slot after that, then that's gonna take some intentional effort to always remember the way it was when we first began.
27:57
Daniel Moore: And if we can keep that in mind, then we don't have issues with putting kids in front of our spouse.
28:03
Daniel Moore: Uh we talked about career, we haven't talked about careers yet, but that's another one.
28:07
Daniel Moore: You know, it's real easy if we become very successful and we start making lots of money and we start focusing on, well, as a parent, I have got to provide for my family, you know, that becomes first and foremost.
28:21
Daniel Moore: Well, we do need to provide for our family because that's bibli another biblical standard that is instructed of us.
28:28
Daniel Moore: But we have to remember those blessings come from God.
28:32
Daniel Moore: That job came from God.
28:34
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
28:34
Daniel Moore: So is He going to leave us stranded high and dry?
28:38
Daniel Moore: I mean, if we do we really feel like we have to put 24-7 into a job and, you know, bow down to the altar of our boss and you know, do anything and everything to make sure we don't lose that job to keep supplying for our family, um, you know, at and at the same time putting our family on the back burner, you know, putting our spouse on the back burner.
29:00
Daniel Moore: Um, you know, I see that that happen quite often.
29:03
Daniel Moore: There was one point in time where that happened with us because I got to a job situation where I felt obligated and I put tons and tons of time in, and that took a lot of time away from us.
29:16
Daniel Moore: And I was looking at the money side of things, and it did.
29:20
Daniel Moore: It ended up imploding on us.
29:22
Daniel Moore: And it created an issue in our relationship where we started, you know, growing apart from each other.
29:29
Daniel Moore: That was just another um piece of the pie that that got stuck in there that didn't need to be there.
29:35
Daniel Moore: And so that's another way that we can have an idol in our life is our jobs and our careers.
29:42
Daniel Moore: And God wants us to have that career.
29:45
Daniel Moore: You know, he gave us the smarts and the brain to be able to go to college and get the degrees and whatever it may be to learn to do the best job that we possibly can.
29:53
Daniel Moore: And he's okay with us making good money.
29:55
Daniel Moore: There's no problem with that at all.
29:57
Daniel Moore: It's all in how we handle that, it's all in our stewardship of how we handle all of that and how do we keep those things lined out?
30:04
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
30:05
Daniel Moore: How do we keep them in order?
30:06
Daniel Moore: And, you know, again, we got to make sure that regardless of what type of job we have or how important it is to us and our lifeline and whatever, we still got to make sure that our spouses are front and foremost and that our marriages are taken care of.
30:22
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
30:22
Daniel Moore: So we got to make sure that that does not become an issue.
30:26
Daniel Moore: So another area here that we have to be careful of is our ego.
30:30
Daniel Moore: It's real easy to get an ego.
30:33
Michelle Moore: Yes.
30:35
Daniel Moore: And I I would like to think that a lot of us as Christians don't have those.
30:40
Daniel Moore: But you know, that's another one of them subtle things that just can kind of sneak up on us if we're not careful sometimes.
30:46
Daniel Moore: And some people are intentional with their ego.
30:49
Daniel Moore: They just they think they're all of that and they're just gonna be all of that no matter what you say about it.
30:53
Daniel Moore: But Philippians chapter two, verses five through eight, it reminds us to have the same mindset as Christ.
30:59
Daniel Moore: And what kind of a mindset did Christ have?
31:02
Daniel Moore: He humbled himself, he chose obedience over pride.
31:06
Daniel Moore: So that's the model for marriage.
31:09
Daniel Moore: It's not two people trying to win, it's two people trying to reflect Jesus.
31:14
Michelle Moore: How often do we forget that?
31:16
Daniel Moore: I know.
31:17
Michelle Moore: That is so good.
31:18
Daniel Moore: Yeah, it's like you know there is no winner.
31:20
Daniel Moore: No, there it's not a competition.
31:23
Daniel Moore: No, it's it's it's a team effort.
31:25
Daniel Moore: We've talked about that before also.
31:27
Michelle Moore: I love that.
31:28
Daniel Moore: And there in a marriage, there's no no place for pride.
31:31
Daniel Moore: No, really, because you and I are on level playing fields and we we both run our household, we both make decisions, uh, we both support our home.
31:42
Daniel Moore: And so there's no reason for either one of us to have more of an ego than the other because we are in this together.
31:49
Daniel Moore: This is our joint effort.
31:51
Michelle Moore: Do you see most of the time that men have more of an ego than women?
31:56
Daniel Moore: I I mean I think it could probably go either way.
31:58
Michelle Moore: Go either way.
31:59
Daniel Moore: You know, because I we're all human.
32:01
Daniel Moore: Uh now some I mean guys possibly could just because you probably see the guy being a breadwinner more often than probably you'll see a lot more stay-at-home moms, probably, than you will see stay-at-home dads.
32:17
Daniel Moore: And so I think, you know, depending on the attitude that the person has, because sometimes if it's especially if it's a one-income home, you'll have, you know, the guys, if they're the if they're the income breadwinner, you know, they may, this is my money.
32:32
Daniel Moore: You know, this I paid for all of this, I'm the one that's got the job.
32:36
Daniel Moore: They get real snarky and can get smart elic with it, and that ego can come out there, especially if there's conflict or issues that are going on and there's some problems, you know, taking place.
32:46
Daniel Moore: It's real easy to use that as a weapon.
32:48
Daniel Moore: And so that can become an ego issue if you're not careful.
32:53
Daniel Moore: And so we have to really watch all of that because it doesn't matter.
32:56
Daniel Moore: You know, you and I both work in our home.
32:58
Daniel Moore: We both have jobs.
32:59
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
33:00
Daniel Moore: And so we don't have that argument necessarily because you bring in money and so do I.
33:05
Daniel Moore: So we put it in the pool, and everything that we get um comes out of all the the income that we both have.
33:11
Daniel Moore: But even if it wasn't that way, if it was just me making the money, or if it was just you making the money, we're still in this as a team.
33:18
Daniel Moore: It's still a team effort, doesn't matter who makes the money, right?
33:21
Daniel Moore: Puts it in the bank.
33:23
Daniel Moore: It's still both of our money because we're married, and when we get married, everything becomes one.
33:27
Michelle Moore: Right.
33:28
Daniel Moore: And so we have to remember that that's how God looks at that.
33:31
Daniel Moore: He there's no place for ego in a marriage.
33:34
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
33:35
Daniel Moore: Because as soon as that ego starts flaring up, then that's gonna start making your spouse feel like they're less than.
33:43
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
33:44
Daniel Moore: And it's going to start making them feel like that they're not as important in the relationship.
33:48
Daniel Moore: There's probably going to be some verbal abuse type stuff going on of the spouse talking down to the other spouse and belittling them.
33:57
Daniel Moore: You know, you start seeing all of these things start to happen whenever those egos flare up.
34:02
Daniel Moore: And so we have to choose Christ over that.
34:05
Daniel Moore: We can't allow those egos to come in.
34:08
Daniel Moore: Now Satan wants us to have ego.
34:10
Daniel Moore: He wants us to be full of pride.
34:12
Daniel Moore: He wants us to come in and be the one man show or the one woman show, but that's not the way it is.
34:19
Daniel Moore: We choose Christ over that.
34:21
Daniel Moore: And a healthy marriage isn't built by two people demanding their way, it's built by two people surrendering to God's way.
34:27
Daniel Moore: It does not matter what you or I want.
34:30
Daniel Moore: What matters is what God wants.
34:32
Daniel Moore: That's where it comes, that's what it comes down to.
34:34
Daniel Moore: You know, you and I can have all kinds of wants and needs and whatever, but if it's not in God's plan, it's probably not healthy for us to pursue that.
34:42
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
34:42
Daniel Moore: And so we need to make sure that both of us stay on the same page and that keeps that pride and that ego down too.
34:49
Daniel Moore: Because if we're if we're both pursuing after God's way, there's really no room for you or I either one to become proud and for our ego to flare and go out of proportion and get between us.
35:01
Daniel Moore: And so I think it's just all in our perspective and how we look at things, how we keep things biblically and the foundation of our marriage and our marital relationship.
35:09
Michelle Moore: That's good.
35:10
Daniel Moore: And so when both spouses take that posture of going after God's way first, something shifts.
35:17
Daniel Moore: You'll notice that the arguments become opportunities to grow.
35:20
Daniel Moore: Because that's what anytime you and I have any kind of a uh conflict, which is very rare, but anytime that we do, we both make sure that it's a positive outcome when it's done.
35:32
Daniel Moore: Offense loses its grip faster.
35:34
Daniel Moore: And I think you and I can both say that we don't hold offense against each other, we don't hold grudges, um, we don't keep score, and grace flows more freely.
35:44
Daniel Moore: So if you if I upset you or if you upset me, we're pretty quick to show each other grace, I think.
35:51
Michelle Moore: We are.
35:52
Daniel Moore: You know, we have a lot of mercy for each other, and a lot of that comes back because of that love that we have, and again, we're trying to pursue what God wants for us.
36:00
Michelle Moore: That's it, right there in our relationship.
36:03
Daniel Moore: And so you know, the goal isn't winning the moment, it's actually honoring Christ in the moment.
36:10
Daniel Moore: That's what this is all about.
36:12
Daniel Moore: And so if we can get out of that this is all about me, I'm gonna win this fight no matter what, a mindset, and allow God to come in and transform our hearts and allow us to see our spouses through his heart and through his eyes, then you can't go wrong.
36:31
Daniel Moore: Right.
36:32
Daniel Moore: You know, I think there's there's just there's no way around that.
36:34
Daniel Moore: So is there anything you want to add to this week's?
36:37
Michelle Moore: No, this is good.
36:38
Michelle Moore: It's very, very good.
36:40
Daniel Moore: I mean, hopefully we didn't step on too many toes this week.
36:43
Michelle Moore: It's good to be stepped on though, to be quite honest.
36:46
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
36:46
Michelle Moore: I mean, we've been there and we wish somebody was stepped on ours.
36:49
Daniel Moore: Yep.
36:50
Daniel Moore: Yeah, because you can take it from us.
36:52
Daniel Moore: We went through this exact stuff and almost got divorced over it.
36:56
Daniel Moore: So we are a living example of anybody out there listening right now that everything's about your kids, everything's about your career, everything's about the money that's in the bank, everything's about your ego or the comfort that you have in your life because you want boats and campers and you know, all this big fancy stuff all the time because that's what you find your comfort in, and you're putting all that in front of your spouse and in front of your family, it's gonna implode.
37:22
Daniel Moore: There's just no way around that because that's not how God designed it.
37:26
Daniel Moore: And anything that anytime that we get out of God's plan and we get out of his design, then we are just opening up that door for Satan to get his foot in there, and it doesn't take anything for that to be destroyed.
37:41
Daniel Moore: Just want to remind you that you can go to our website at marriagelife.com.
38:10
Daniel Moore: Everything about our ministry is there.
38:12
Daniel Moore: If you'd like to purchase one of our books that we have available, there's links there to do that.
38:16
Daniel Moore: And of course, all of our platforms are there.
38:19
Daniel Moore: If you love this episode, know somebody that might gain something from it, please share it, share it to other people because that's how the podcast gets out and uh like it, and that gets us in the algorithms.
38:31
Daniel Moore: Um, so we just appreciate any activity.
38:33
Daniel Moore: If you'd like to reach out to us, we've got a form on our website that you can send us a message or you can email us at Daniel at connectingthegap.net.
38:41
Daniel Moore: We'd love to hear from you guys.
38:42
Daniel Moore: Just make comments on social media, whatever it may be.
38:45
Daniel Moore: We'd just like to hear from you and how you're enjoying this series so far as we continue here with marriage as a mission.
38:53
Daniel Moore: Next week, when we come back, uh we'll be coming back with some more brand new episodes from that series.
38:58
Daniel Moore: This week, though, as we finish up this one about keeping God in the center of our marriage, you know, at the end of the day, a Christ-centered marriage isn't built on feelings, it's built on daily decisions.
39:10
Daniel Moore: And what are some of those decisions?
39:12
Daniel Moore: Well, some of them are, you know, keep God first.
39:14
Daniel Moore: That's the first obvious decision.
39:17
Daniel Moore: Secondly, protect your marriage from misplaced priorities.
39:21
Daniel Moore: Third, return the altar of surrender again and again.
39:26
Daniel Moore: You know, if we keep God first and if we protect those priorities and keep those in the right place, and we continue back to that altar to surrender before our spouses, to not let those egos get in the way, then you can't go wrong with that.
39:41
Daniel Moore: You will have a good marriage that's based on Christ and you'll have a good foundation.
39:46
Daniel Moore: You don't need a perfect marriage.
39:48
Daniel Moore: None of us have a perfect marriage.
39:49
Daniel Moore: And no matter how hard you try to attain that, you're not going to get it.
39:53
Daniel Moore: What you need is a surrendered marriage.
39:56
Daniel Moore: Make sure that whatever happens between you and your spouse, whatever happens between you guys and God, that you stay surrendered and don't let that pride get in there and cause you to fall.
40:07
Daniel Moore: When both of you as spouses lay down pride, control, and self-centeredness before God, he does something that we could never do on our own.
40:16
Daniel Moore: God strengthens what's weak, he restores what's been strained, and he deepens what's been shallow.
40:23
Daniel Moore: God takes an ordinary love story, which is two imperfect people figuring it out, and turns it into something that reflects his grace, his power, and his glory.
40:34
Daniel Moore: When you surrender your marriage to Christ daily, you don't lose.
40:38
Daniel Moore: You finally build something that lasts.
40:41
Daniel Moore: Well, that's all for this week.
40:44
Daniel Moore: And as we go, we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode.
40:49
Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries.
40:51
Daniel Moore: We pray that you have a blessed week.