Latest / The Danger Zoo / Mongolian Death Worm / The Desert Compound

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Mongolian Death Worm / The Desert Compound · The Danger Zoo

0:02
Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger Zoo.
0:08
Hey everybody, welcome to the Danger Zoo, the department of
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anomalous and non Human Genetic entities, Reconnaissance and
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Zoological Co operations. I am the game warden.
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El Coyote here with thoughty pretty Kitty and baby bird.
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Are you girls ready to get into it?
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And are you done talking about politics?
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I wouldn't call it politics. I wouldn't call it politics
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either. I would just call it my personal
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agenda. My secret agenda?
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Anyways, the Danger Zook case file.
0:41
The back story. After decrypting the corrupted
0:44
Veil tablet recovered from the ski lodge, Huzzah Coyote
0:47
uncovers a hidden project log marked Tunnel Fang, a Veil black
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site deep in the Gobi Desert. The recovered data references
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seismic anomalies, livestock rupturing without visible
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trauma, and an EM reactive apex life form codenamed Agloe
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Corkoi. The Mongolian death worm.
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The Worm. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I had one
1:11
of those in my toilet. This.
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Morning. Oh, well, yeah, what?
1:15
Baby bird does have the tapeworm, so could be linked.
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We'll find out the worm, thought to be a crypted myth, was real
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enough for the Veil to pour resources into studying its
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natural electromagnetic discharge and acid based
1:29
internal pressure system. But the log entries end
1:33
abruptly. No extraction report, no
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shutdown procedures, just silence.
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Locals claim the sand has started to breathe and a
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shepherd boy was found cooked from the inside out.
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Something ancient has stirred, and whatever it is, it doesn't
1:48
like being watched. So the Mongolian death worm is
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feared by nomads for generations.
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It's said to dwell beneath the scorching sands of the Gobi
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Desert, described as a fat blood red warm up to 6 feet long.
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So it's pretty much American. It's rumored to split corrosive
2:06
venom and discharge deadly electricity.
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Locals believe it surfaces only during rare storms or intense
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heat, killing livestock without a trace.
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Though dismissed by the skeptics, the legends persist.
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And where folklore lingers, something usually rise beneath
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it like a tapeworm. Hell yeah.
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So, like, what are the odds that, like, it's just like a
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heat thunderstorm and they're chalking it up to worms?
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Yeah, they're freaking out for no reason, man.
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Let's go home. Yeah, job done.
2:33
Let's pack it. Up Jesus.
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I don't know why, but my body's been yearning for the sands.
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That is weird. Yeah, yeah, it's hot out here.
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Do we? Do you have some water?
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Can I borrow some water? You don't need water.
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I feel like I'm at home. Oh my God, I haven't even set it
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up. Anyways, the mission start, the
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mission code name is Red Coil. The location is the Gobi Desert,
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Mongolia. The objective investigate veil
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activities flagged by the hacked tablet.
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Determine the nature of the seismic disturbances in the red
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Sand sector. Neutralize or contain the
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anomalous biological entity code name Ogloy Corkery.
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So yeah, I don't know how to say.
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The team arrives to a stretch of red desert.
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The off road transport growls low as it crests the dune, tires
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spinning dust into the blood orange sky.
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Heat ripples distorting the horizon, warping the jagged
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silhouettes of shattered equipment and torn canvas.
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Sand lashes the vehicle's window like a grain and a grinder.
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Grinder. It's quiet only you would laugh
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at Grinder. I don't even know what that is.
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Of course, it's quiet. Too quiet for a place that once
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buzzed with Veil activity. Below, nestled between fractured
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Ridge lines and partially collapsed dig trenches, sits
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what remains of the Tunnel Fang outpost.
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The tents are shredded, some half swallowed by the dunes.
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A shattered solar panel array juts from the earth like a
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broken tooth. A cracked seismic sensor
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twitches in the wind, clicking out weak pulses as it tries to
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speak with no voice. The camp is still, except for
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the sand we notice. Every few seconds.
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The ground trembles softly. Not a quake, not a wind.
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A rhythmic, almost breathing pulse from beneath the surface.
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As the vehicle idles. A faint, high pitched wine
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creeps through the comms, rising, pulsing and vanishing.
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Then the radio hisses with static, just once, and in the
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rearview mirror, the tire tracks behind us can be seen to
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disappear. Don, Don.
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So are we fighting the Alaskan boar worm by chance?
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It is not the Alaskan boar worm. OK, well First things first,
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this this hole or crater to the West of us, I want to
5:00
investigate that. OK, so we enter from the top N
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here and you want to check? Sorry, I forgot to show you
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guys. This is what the bolt.
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This is not bull worm, the Mongolian death worm.
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That's what it looks like. That's a huge bitch.
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I was zoomed in when you did that shit.
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Yeah, that's definitely what I saw in my toilet this morning.
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Morning Glory. All right, so you go to
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investigate over here. What are you doing over here,
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Thaudi? I want to investigate the hole
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to see if it's like a normal hole, if it's a crater, if it's
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a tunnel, you know. Do you want to do a nature
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check? I stand behind him and grab his
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belt so he doesn't fall in. Oh, yes, yes, fall protection.
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Thank you very much. Yeah, we learned about that.
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That's that's good idea. You get over there, you help you
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hold him, hold him tight. What's the modifier for
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investigation again? No, it's a nature check.
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Oh, a nature check. Yep.
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OK, that'd be a 12. Let's see.
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Uh oh. Spaghettios.
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I don't like uh oh. So can we whatever that uh oh
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was, can we make it not an uh oh?
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Give me AD, Give me a reflex save.
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Oh shit. God damn it.
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I forgot, what do you add to reflex saves?
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He should do that advantage because I'm holding him.
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Does it matter because I got an AT20?
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Yeah, Oh, good. And baby bird's there.
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As you lean over looking at the tunnel, you see that it's
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opening. It's probably not big enough for
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a human, but the sand shifts violently and it just kind of
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covers it up. So like the hole is not there
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anymore or? Hell yeah.
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I mean, it, it just, it kind of just buries it.
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You're like, oh, anyways, you guys have fun.
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When we get back in the I get back in the car.
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I hope the car gets swallowed cowardly.
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Can I go ahead and use a skill since, uh, since baby bird just
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went? You could do anything with the
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power of Christ, my friend. God damn right.
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All right, I'm going to plant a a a crucifix into the ground and
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start fucking it. I don't.
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I don't know. I'm sorry.
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Whoa. Through God, all things are
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possible. Exactly, I'm going to use echo
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pulse to see if I can't contact. I mean not contact, but locate
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any objects around us. Absolutely.
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Give me a roll. Hell yeah, I got a 15.
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Oh, very nice. Just enough.
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Oh. Yeah.
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So you use your echo pulse and it reveals a violent residual
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imprint near a melted drone. A Veil operative panicked,
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screamed something about a false hive, and then was pulled
8:00
underground. What?
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A false. Hive.
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Like HIVE? Yes, hold on.
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Where's my where's my prop? God damn it I do.
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Donna, upload that prop. Give me one second.
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We'll upload this prop for you boys.
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I'll leave it to the gay warden and not be prepared.
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I have so many props uploaded I miss one damn prop.
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I don't need this. It's literally the second prop.
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I didn't miss the other ones. I don't know, I like the map
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thingy. The map doohickey is really
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cool. The map doohickey is cool.
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Oh no, I did upload it, it just didn't take for some reason.
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Why are there like 4 people in this game right now?
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Because there are four people playing this game right now.
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He meant five. He can't count.
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No, there's like 8, I swear to you.
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Well, there's. Two coyotes you've seen double
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vision. Yeah.
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Are you drunk? Now there's one coyote.
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Oh, now there's no coyote. You.
9:04
Had to reload in all right, so your echo pulse rate shakes sand
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off. It vibrated so hard through
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spiritual energy and it reveals well, it reveals these two
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drones that look messed up so much so that this drone here is
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actually connected to the sand like lightning struck it.
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It turned the sand in the glass and has melted into the drone
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itself. Oh shit, that's sick.
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But I hop out and I'm like, oh, neat.
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I come over here and I take a look at it and I play a
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recording, and the recording we hear is a Veil operative
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panicking and screaming something about a false hive.
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And then what sounds like sand covering him while he's trying
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to talk sounds like he's being buried alive.
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So I don't know what a false hive is.
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So I'm going to get back in the car.
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All right. OK, hey, yet again I say I hope
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the car gets swallowed up, you coward.
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Hold on now, I got to roll for it.
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Nope. I'm good.
10:16
OK. Well, so I think what I'm going
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to do now is I'm going to head South like 10 feet to get off of
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this loose sand. I would.
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And then, yeah, and then I'm going to go West and hop the
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fence like a cool guy. I'm going to go West and I'm
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going to go around into the front entrance because the last
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time I didn't go where I was supposed to go, everybody died.
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What? OK, so you're you're making your
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way around the front here. Give me a luck check, baby bird.
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And that is a 10 foot wall thought East.
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So you need to give me an athletics role. 17.
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Oh yeah, you're fine. You just keep making you make it
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to the entrance here. Good job.
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Why am I so scared? I.
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Don't know, but you see the ground behind you just kind of,
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oh, shake a little bit. All right, what does a 13 give
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me? But you're fine.
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A 13 gets you, They get you. You jump right over that fence.
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But do I look cool when I do it? That's the important part.
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Nobody was there to watch you. Oh, I'm so upset.
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Pretty Kitty is looking at the sun.
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Why do my eyes hurt? OK, question for Mr. Game
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Warden. Is this a door or a window right
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here on the east side of the rightmost building?
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That is a window. Darn.
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You can jump to the window if you want.
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Yeah, can I try to open the window?
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Yep, give me a roll. 5. Five, it's locked on the inside.
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Jesus. I hate it here, all right.
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I'm going to go around the building counterclockwise and
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and meet baby bird. You guys come up here.
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So as you walk into this area, you see two buildings.
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I guess I should have described this when you came in the
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entrance and you came in the wall.
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So it's two buildings. You have in the bottom in the
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southeast corner of it, just barrels.
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You don't know what's in the barrels, but could be
12:20
interesting, could not be interesting.
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The building to the left looks like kind of a barracks
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building, and the building to the right kind of looks like an
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office. And then in the northeast corner
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of this little walled off compound are some broken solar
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panels. Systematic sweep.
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Let's go. Do the barrels have soup in
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them? Soup.
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I love soup. I love soup too, that's why I
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want to. Know well both of you give me
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luck rolls. No investigation rules.
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I can't do everything with luck. 16 Oh wait, do I have a
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modifier? 15 yeah 15.
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Luck rolls are charisma. And no, it's not soup.
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What do we know what it is? Can I notice the the solar
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panels over there? Yes, you do.
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You notice there's bones in here.
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Bones, they're making bone broth.
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There's there's bones and there's liquid goop inside it.
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I'm afraid of ghosts. Yeah.
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We're going to close these barrels back up.
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That's what I think we should do.
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All right. Also I forgot to mention baby
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bird, you have these sonar buoys with you.
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Good thing we're in like around water I guess.
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Sorry, sonar grenades. No, they remind me of a of a
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very. It reminds me of a very hot
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summer. That's when you're trying to
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fuck a Bear Lake monster. She was into it.
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She was not. Neither was her husband.
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Anyways, Pretty Kitty, what were you saying?
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Oh can I see the solar panels from where I'm at?
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No, there's a 10 foot high wall in front of you.
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OK, You're just out here in the desert area.
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So if that's the case, I'm going to walk towards the tents.
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Right on. Are you going to go straight
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down? You're going to go to the right
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a little bit? Are you just going to follow the
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road and cut over? Yeah, I'm just going to follow
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the path. Good choice.
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So you're going to come down, go southwest.
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Not ominous at all. Then you once you see an opening
14:26
here, you see the opening where the sand is and baby bird and
14:30
Soddy inside the gate and you're like oh, OK, cool.
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And then you just make your way over here to this little sand
14:36
pit. Make give me a look.
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Check. Look, check, guy, That's a nine.
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That that's, that's a nine. Yep.
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All right, the sand wiggles and you're stuck.
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Your your foot gets swallowed up to the knee.
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So nothing crazy has happened, but you're not going anywhere.
15:00
Help. Did you hear some over the
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radio? No, I didn't hear anything.
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Maybe Coyote heard it. Crackles over the radio.
15:09
I didn't hear anything. Must have been the wind.
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I'm trying to coax coyotes, lazy ass.
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You know that car. I'm looking stuff up.
15:24
I bet you get that little Ford banger down here.
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OK, I can move the vehicle. I feel like that's a bad idea,
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but I'm here. I'm here for a good time, not a
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long time. I like how it turned.
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Move the vehicle southbound and I get to right here, right
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before it cuts to the West. I wonder if you know, you think.
15:49
You could turn that down. All right, I get to right here
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and car stuck. Oh no.
15:59
I'm stuck in I'm stuck in sand. Thank God.
16:04
The back end, The back end's sinking.
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I don't know what's going on here.
16:08
Let me get an athletics check. Oh no, I got to jump out, but I
16:13
get stuck in the window. So now, like my legs are stuck
16:16
in there. My vest is hooked on the door.
16:18
I was like Hab, somebody had me out of the car.
16:21
Did you did you hear something? No, I didn't.
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I didn't hear anything dude. I come over the radio, I know
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you can fucking hear me. You're such a bitches.
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Go get me. Something going on over there.
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I peek out the front. I write your paychecks, you
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stupid bitch. Oh man, he's he's got a good
16:40
point. Yeah, let's go get him.
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Thanks. All right, You 2 come out, Eric.
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I lazily reach out by hand towards you, but standing in a
16:49
safe on safe ground. You guys are absolutely fine.
16:53
The car is actually not sinking anymore, they're just sinking a
16:55
little bit and I panicked and I'm just stuck.
16:59
Well, let's go get pretty Katie first, then.
17:02
Oh yeah, he's. Sons of bitches.
17:04
Yeah, we do have to get him. I see him now.
17:07
I'm only up to my. Waist.
17:09
You're only up to your knee. Why are you going deeper?
17:11
Stop that. I'm out with baby Bird now.
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Great. Now I got to work on getting the
17:16
car out of here, you assholes. Hey, you're the one that drove
17:20
over the loose sand. You're the one that told me to
17:22
come over here. Give me the winch.
17:24
All right, baby bird, grab the winch out of there, will you?
17:27
What are you guys going to winch it to?
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This freaking trees dude we're going to tied to a tree.
17:33
Pull this on by its out. This is what we used to do.
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Down, down in the woods, down in the sticks.
17:39
Cure me out If Pretty Kitty is really stuck in there, Pretty
17:43
Kitty would make a good anchor. Yo.
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I'm only going to split in half. No, no.
17:49
The human body's stronger than you think.
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My bones. It's not, it's not that strong.
17:57
I'll gain like 10 feet. No.
18:00
You'll get super long arms. It'll be wicked cool.
18:03
Yeah, I'll be a Indigo. Well, I guess I go to I go to
18:08
help Pretty Kitty out of his sand pit.
18:11
All right, give me an athletics check. 6.
18:16
Hell yeah, that's not good. You got to pull pretty Kitty out
18:21
and he he sinks in further. He is now to the waist, but you
18:25
haven't sunk in, so that's good. Can I try to wiggle out?
18:30
Nice. You certainly can give me an
18:33
athletics check at disadvantage. All right, athletics
18:41
disadvantage. Do you know how often he falls
18:44
climbing trees He's not getting out of the spit by himself?
18:47
Yeah, I got an 11. I'll be dim a damned he
18:53
actually, out of all the years of watching 90s cartoons and how
18:57
to get out of quicksand. He lays down and he spreads his
19:01
body weight out and he slowly grabs a branch and he pulls
19:04
himself out. And Steve Irwin would be so
19:06
fucking proud of you. Exact.
19:09
All that worrying in middle school finally paid off.
19:13
Hell yeah. Now we just got to deal with the
19:14
Bermuda Triangle. Exactly.
19:19
I'm tying the winch around a tree so we pull this on bitch
19:21
out. All right, you tie it to the
19:24
tree over here. Give me a tink.
19:27
Give me a tinkering check. Oh, tinkering.
19:30
Yeah. So let's see.
19:31
Tinkering. Is that new?
19:34
It is. Well, it's not new.
19:36
It's the first time we've used it because I don't think any of
19:38
us read beyond like the first three things like acrobatics,
19:41
athletics, good to go or luck. I got, I rolled A10, I got a -1
19:47
in it'll heck in tinkering. So it's a nine.
19:52
OK, the winch hooks up to the tree just fine.
19:56
It goes to pull the car and all of a sudden the car sinks in
19:58
further and now you hear the wench dig into the tree and we
20:03
can't pull it out of the tree. It's it's dug into the bark
20:06
pretty tight. Just got to keep on trying.
20:13
I come over here and with my wizardly power of inspiration, I
20:17
whisper it in your ear. If you get this truck stuck any
20:21
further, I'm docking your pay for a fucking month.
20:25
Don't listen to him. Now roll.
20:27
Roll with advantage, because now you are serious.
20:31
Money is at play here. OK, here we go.
20:34
A roll of 6 and an 18. Nice, the winch finally just
20:43
kicks into high gear. Don't know what happened with
20:45
that but it pulls the car out. The car is on its back end but
20:50
it's up against the tree. But it's out of the sand for
20:52
sure. And you and I barely not get
20:56
smashed by this fucking car, that's all.
20:58
We'll just keep it tied to the tree so it's safe.
21:01
It's not going anywhere. It can't sink back in there if
21:05
it's attached to the tree, that's for sure.
21:08
All right. I think we should get back into
21:09
the compound. Yeah, I feel like it's safer,
21:12
even though there are dead people there.
21:14
To head back to the southeast corner of the compound wall and
21:19
jump the wall. All right, you come back to the
21:22
wall. You're right here at the corner.
21:24
You could easily walk inside. But now that pretty, now that
21:27
baby bird and I and pretty Kitty has come along with us.
21:30
He's like right next to you. Everyone avoided the sand trip,
21:32
but everyone's watching you, waiting for you to jump this
21:35
wall. But because we're all watching
21:37
you now, you got to roll a disadvantage because you got a
21:39
little bit of stage fright going on.
21:41
No, that's not how that works. You totally have that person.
21:44
You know I love to show off for the Husses, do you?
21:48
You do like to show off? Give me advantage.
21:52
What a. Very benevolent God.
21:57
Holds out with handful of rings. Let's see, we got a dirty 21.
22:05
Nice. You actually jump up on top of
22:07
the wall doing a handstand just long enough to look down at us
22:10
and give us a wink as you do a double flip off to the other
22:14
side. That was so fucking cool.
22:19
I just look at baby bird and I'm like, all right, let's get in
22:22
here. I go wow.
22:26
I say that out loud and you guys can hear me say to myself, that
22:30
was so fucking cool. We're outside.
22:34
It's very easy to hear you. There's I don't know if you if I
22:37
put that out, it is eerily silent where we are like you
22:41
don't even hear animals. So yes, everything you do could
22:44
be heard here, including Pretty Kitty screaming for your guys
22:49
help earlier that you ignored. I didn't hear anything.
22:54
Comps are bad man, I don't know what's.
22:56
Going on. My radio is acting up, man.
23:00
What are we doing? I think we should split in the
23:03
teams of two since there's two buildings.
23:05
What do you guys think? Systematically clear this place.
23:10
I'm going to go to the left building.
23:12
I'm going to right building. I'm going to the right building.
23:16
I'll I'll take the left I guess. All right, pretty Kitty, give me
23:22
an ADHD check. All right, it's just his D20.
23:26
I love it. It's 11.
23:29
Oh, you actually see everyone walk away.
23:31
You're like 00. And then you follow baby bird.
23:35
Good job. Hell yeah.
23:38
OK. Are you sure you want to stand
23:39
in front like I'm? I'm bigger than.
23:41
You, dude, I got a poop. I got a poop so bad.
23:43
I go in here to the bathroom, we walk to the first room and when
23:46
we walk in there, go ahead and give me a perception check while
23:49
I run through that room to the next room to shit.
23:52
I'm moving too fast. I couldn't.
23:54
I couldn't see anything on my way in.
23:58
That's 17. OK, on the table here you see a
24:02
tablet beep beep. It's messed up, but it still has
24:06
power. Yes it have games on it.
24:09
You don't know the passcode. Darn.
24:13
I tell you what, give me a luck check.
24:16
Are you trying to put that passcode in luck or tinkering?
24:19
Can I can I roll the vantage since I wear glasses?
24:23
No, that's not that. That might be a disadvantage of
24:28
anything. OK, you know this.
24:31
Well, no, because Glass is making you smarter.
24:33
Like that's just the role of the universe.
24:38
Incorrect. Yeah, where'd my smartness go,
24:40
man? Come on.
24:42
Oh, with your ADHD I'm sure you forgot to bring it.
24:46
Another 17. Shut up.
24:50
You pick it up and you press 1234 and use here as it opens up
24:57
and you're like scientists are. Fucking stupid.
25:06
Is there by chance Angry Birds on this iPad?
25:09
There is not Angry Birds, but what there is on the iPad is
25:16
this iPad confirms that this is the tunnel thing camp where
25:20
everyone left and you see that what they were trying to do is
25:24
they were trying to weaponize the electromagnetic apex fauna
25:27
via localized weather distortion.
25:31
So that's a lot. Of big words.
25:32
Actually give this to Coyote because I don't know how to
25:34
read. I'm just shitting and I'm like,
25:37
oh God, I'm like slide down to the door.
25:42
Why? It's under door as I'm pooping.
25:45
I'm just going through it, and I don't even open the door.
25:47
I'm just. You just hear me?
25:48
Yeah. So it looks like.
25:52
Yeah, this looks like the place. It looks like they were putting
25:55
markers in the ground, trying to guide the worm to places.
26:00
And they were using certain pulses to really piss it off, to
26:03
get it to attack things. And they were practicing on
26:07
local farm animals as well as random people who wandered too
26:12
close to the compound. That's not cool.
26:16
More random people that are wandered too close to the
26:17
compound. I wonder where they could be.
26:21
But we haven't seen anyone since we got here.
26:23
That's true. Baby bird, Pretty Kitty, what
26:26
are you doing over here? All right, we got guns out point
26:31
forward. OK, check in the bedroom.
26:34
All right, you guys go in the bedroom, give me a perception
26:37
roll. I got a 13.
26:41
Yeah, I got a 14. Nice.
26:44
You both notice that those sheets are Egyptian cotton and
26:47
it is super smooth in here. Oh, time to lay down.
26:52
You both jump on the bed a little bit.
26:56
Oh my God, what a dude. What a notice.
26:59
Oh. We look into each other's eyes.
27:02
Someone better pocket this dude. That's these expensive sheets
27:07
man. We getting used to this.
27:09
Anyways, you hear the toilet flushing when I go, oh, when I
27:12
come out, I don't know what I ate.
27:13
I'm sorry, what are we doing? Me and you're moving into the
27:17
next room and I'm going first because I'm bigger than you.
27:21
By all means, you move into the next room and I peer around the
27:25
corner for safety reasons. I'm investigating duh all.
27:32
Right, give me an investigation check. 4.
27:38
You see a club sandwich on the counter.
27:43
I eat the club sandwich. That's not good.
27:48
What do you mean that's not good?
27:49
You. Didn't even take this.
27:50
You got mold on it. Because that was a moldy
27:55
sandwich and you now take five points of damage.
27:58
Holy shit. Penicillin's good for you.
28:03
Oh no. Apparently not this penicillin.
28:06
All right, well, five points of damage.
28:08
I walk in and I go, What are you doing?
28:14
No, I'm, I'm swallowing it. I'm a, I'm a champion.
28:17
I'm swallowing it. All right, swallow it.
28:20
Like mouthful of nothing. Oh Jesus, you look like you just
28:24
turned 2 shades whiter. Thanks.
28:27
Thank you. Let's see.
28:28
I I look around. Oh no, Was that a compliment 15?
28:32
OK, I notice there's another sandwich over here and I look at
28:35
it, I go, oh, that's bad. I'm not eating that.
28:39
Did you eat that? Do you eat a sandwich?
28:44
No. OK.
28:48
Are you? Are you going to eat that?
28:50
Don't eat that sandwich study. I kind of want to eat it.
28:56
Oh, my God. All right, I don't see anything
28:57
here. I'm going to go outside.
28:58
I want to watch you throw up again.
29:01
OK, Throw up for the first time. Whatever.
29:03
OK, so this time I'm talking to just the game warden.
29:07
I pocket the sandwich. You may pocket the sandwich.
29:12
Wait. Hold on.
29:13
Yeah. No, I already left the room.
29:14
You don't have to do a sleight of hand.
29:15
You pocket the sandwich. Maybe we're a pretty Kitty.
29:20
What are you 2 doing as you lay on these sheets?
29:23
OK, we put our clothes back on because there was an
29:25
intermission, and then we get back into formation.
29:31
We peek around the corner, leaving the bedroom.
29:34
All right, you guys head north. Just follow his lead.
29:37
Now that our are empty and our hearts are full.
29:42
I'm so jealous right now. All I had was a decent club
29:45
sandwich. Decent.
29:48
Yeah, it wasn't that bad. All right, you guys head north
29:52
into the building. You don't see anything else, but
29:53
you see stairs going down and you see a locked door at the
29:56
bottom of the stairs. I.
29:57
Could shoot the lock off. Pretty kid.
29:59
He Pats my ass to let me know he's ready.
30:01
What? Preferably grasp it.
30:06
He feels a recoil from my cheeks.
30:08
We move in. All right.
30:11
When did this turn into? What are those smut novels that
30:15
women are always reading? Dude, I feel like it's always on
30:18
the verge of a smut novel. I love it all right.
30:22
What are you? What are you doing at the locked
30:23
door at the bottom of these stairs?
30:25
We're going to turn the handle. OK.
30:28
I turned the handle. It's locked.
30:31
Fuck, can we talk about the can we talk about the juxtaposition
30:35
between the two teams we have right now?
30:40
Yes, Coyotes are trying to keep you from eating moldy food.
30:44
You guys really properly clearing a house and like
30:48
advancing the story? Properly clearing my ass.
30:51
They just in the bedroom and now they're clearing.
30:56
I forgot about that. And I took a wicked shit.
30:59
Oh, I forgot the laptop. Give me that tablet.
31:03
Anyways, I'm outside. I'm just hanging out and I'm
31:04
like where there is everybody. I go outside.
31:09
Do do do do do do. Head South into the opening
31:12
room, then outside. I shoot the doorknob.
31:17
Give me a dex roll. Dexterity for shooting.
31:21
Wait, what are you? What are you shooting it with
31:22
your shotgun? Yeah.
31:25
Yeah, that's firearms dexterity. Oh, OK, one.
31:32
Roll for damage. Oh no. 2.
31:37
Well. Oh wait, wait, wait, hold on,
31:39
hold on. I roll AD 20.
31:41
What is my hold on? I forgot What's my damage.
31:43
Wait, did you fire the shotgun or did you fire the grenade
31:46
launcher? I fired the shotgun.
31:47
I'm not going to use grenade launcher I.
31:49
Don't know. 06. OK, because if you fired the
31:58
grenade launcher you would take no damage, but because you fired
32:01
the shotgun, you take damage from that.
32:03
So it splits between you and Pretty Kitty.
32:05
You both take three points of damage.
32:06
Fun thanks. Yeah, I'm not trying to kill
32:09
Kitty. Yeah, but you fucking almost
32:11
did. Hey you guys made out like
32:14
thieves on that. I took five points of damage for
32:16
eating 1/2 decent club sandwich. That's fair.
32:19
You did. I'm just out here and like, I
32:21
don't know what's going on in there.
32:22
It sounds like either lovemaking or a gunfight, I'm not sure
32:25
which. Hey, that's a thin line.
32:27
Who knows? Can I also try to shoot the
32:29
doorknob? I I scream and cover my eyes.
32:36
Was this during the lovemaking or when you shot him?
32:38
No. I shot.
32:39
The lovemaking was tender. I come running in to check on
32:43
them. Soon as I come in there's like
32:45
debris everywhere because it ricocheted and I'm like holy
32:48
shit, what is what is going on in here?
32:52
Baby Bear decided to shoot the doorknob, and I'm going to try
32:55
to shoot the doorknob now. Now I get it.
32:57
I run. I run back out in the hallway,
33:01
fire at the door. All right, I got a 14.
33:05
OK, give me damage roll. Damage Roll 1.
33:13
You take one point of damage. Oh my God.
33:17
You hit that thing squared in the lock and it ricocheted you
33:19
right and ricocheted it right back at you.
33:22
You guys are looking at a locked safe wall by the way.
33:27
He said it was a door. Oh, you should have said that
33:30
from the. Beginning.
33:31
Yeah, that's my bad. Yeah, I heard door.
33:33
There's a door. You didn't ask what kind.
33:36
What am I supposed to know? Everything is the game warning
33:38
God. Yes.
33:42
Oh, I'm doing this wrong. All right, so I got an idea, a
33:47
rare idea from. Thoughty we come out of the
33:51
smoking staircase. I kind of want to go search the
33:55
tents for a key and or something of the sorts.
33:59
That's a way better idea than eating a moldy sandwich.
34:02
I follow you out of the compound.
34:05
Oh no, I I hop. I hop the wall.
34:07
Oh my God, you hop the wall. Give me an athletics check.
34:10
You said it was dex. No, it's athletics.
34:15
Buddy Dirty 22. Nice.
34:19
You do another flip over and you land on the other side and it
34:24
sounds like when you hit the gravel, it sounds like the
34:26
gravel itself went Donna. But then you realize nobody is
34:30
over here to see you have done that.
34:32
And I say out loud, audibly, so you guys can hear.
34:35
Still so fucking cool. Anyways, I move on out here and
34:40
I come with you and we'll we come outside the compound.
34:43
We head SE towards the tent and I kind of stop at the road here.
34:48
I'm just taking in looking around.
34:51
Pretty Kitty, baby bird. What are you guys doing while
34:53
we're moving? I'm going to go search the rooms
34:56
that you guys were in. All right.
34:58
You crossed the compound to the other building.
35:00
You're in the first room. Go ahead and give me a
35:04
investigation check. Investigation I got a Nat 20.
35:08
I'm not even I got a Nat 20. You marvel at how clean this
35:14
room is and how there is no details whatsoever about this
35:17
campaign. It's almost like you're meta
35:20
gaming and that you know that you're playing a tabletop RPG
35:24
and there's nothing in this room and you should move the fuck on.
35:29
It's like God speaking. It's like, no, my child.
35:37
OK, I I walk outside and I kick over the barrels.
35:44
OK, give me a saving throw. Oh my God.
35:48
Yo. 16. Oh, you kick over a barrel and
35:52
it blows a hole in the wall next to the bed when you made love to
35:55
pretty Kitty, but you miraculously are unscathed.
36:01
No, my escape. Yo, what was that my?
36:04
Sweet. Memories.
36:07
What? You guys should have grabbed the
36:08
sheets. Jesus.
36:10
Oh, the sheets are burnt. Sheets are gone on fire.
36:13
But what you do notice is when it exploded, it wasn't just like
36:17
a flame fireball, just it was electrical.
36:23
Yo, oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.
36:26
It was electrical and super heated and just kind of
36:28
vaporized. What the fuck?
36:31
What the fuck? Yep, I hear that noise and I
36:34
come running back and I'm like, what the fuck?
36:35
What the fuck? What?
36:36
I popped back into the compound. I'm like you guys, all right?
36:39
Yeah. Pretty cute.
36:41
You're inside. I did.
36:42
I have my hands on my hips, I turn to you and I go first try.
36:48
For what? For what?
36:52
I don't even respond. I just take my hand out and I
36:55
gesture to the wall. I just kind of take it in and I
37:01
go, oh, OK, that pretty Kitty wasn't there, right?
37:05
He's still alive somewhere. I stick my hat out of the door.
37:08
Yeah, I'm good. Oh, OK, good.
37:12
I'm going to get the hell away from these barrels.
37:13
And I head back over here to Thoughty.
37:15
Thoughty what are you doing? I'm searching the tan tent.
37:19
Give me an investigation check. I'm working on I'm working on IT
37:25
12. Interesting what you see poop.
37:29
It looks similar to the sonar grenades baby bird has.
37:33
I take a look at it 'cause I'm looking over your shoulder and I
37:35
say oh cool, I've seen those. Those are veiled bio lure
37:38
beacons. It emits a high frequency signal
37:40
that agitates the worm. It can be reverse engineered to
37:43
draw similar cryptids. At least that's what I've read
37:45
in a book. I don't know.
37:47
Huh. I say no one can be trusted with
37:50
this and I put it in my pocket. OK, goes in your pocket blue.
37:57
Now I searched a blue tent while walking in a curved pattern
38:01
around the loose sand. Give me a luck check because
38:05
that that tent's real close to that sand.
38:07
There's a hole on the far side right here man, I can just walk
38:11
around the tent. Oh, so you're going to go around
38:13
this tent this way? You're going to go circle back
38:16
around the tent and then go over here and then you go to the side
38:20
of the tent. Yeah, this hole right here,
38:21
yeah. Cool.
38:23
Give me a luck check, boy. Yeah.
38:26
I hate it here. You didn't see that coming?
38:32
He's thought of everything. There's so much sand everywhere.
38:37
That's why Anakin hated. It.
38:42
Yeah, no, your foot starts to slide in it, but you have cat
38:45
light reflexes and you actually do a weird backflip and you land
38:48
on all four like a cat. You look at me going and I'm
38:51
like, what the fuck? Is that I stand up, brush myself
38:57
off and I go all so fucking cool.
39:01
That's a word for it, I guess. So you go, you go in the tent,
39:04
do an investigation, check. 3. You find nothing.
39:10
Damn. Indeed, I'm going to slowly slip
39:14
away and I'm going to go back West and just kind of get into
39:17
the van and just lay down in the seat backwards and just start to
39:21
pray. Baby Bird, What are you doing?
39:23
Did we lose? He died.
39:25
Did we lose Baby Bird? No.
39:27
I'm. Here I'm thinking about what
39:29
I've want to do. OK, so we haven't found
39:31
anything. If you don't know, I'll I'll go.
39:36
All right. So I take all my portal hacking
39:38
device and then I start like scanning things.
39:42
Scan the barrels. Shut the front door.
39:45
OK, give me a what would that be?
39:49
Technology check. I got a nun.
39:55
Don't you get a + 2 and that your whole?
39:56
Hacking. Yeah, but I I rolled the seven.
40:00
Oh, OK, yeah. So you go to you go to use your
40:04
hacking device. But I guess that's, I don't know
40:05
what's in those barrels, but all the metal here, it just starts
40:08
painting. Ding Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding,
40:09
Ding, Ding Ding Ding. Like somebody who's using
40:12
metallic bolts on satellites that they shouldn't be because
40:16
they're stupid. I put it back in my pocket I
40:21
guess. Start walking towards.
40:24
You don't say anything to anyone.
40:25
You're just like, well, kick a couple rocks.
40:29
You just look around, all right? OK, I'm going to go to the last
40:36
tent, straight South. The tent to the South, the one
40:40
buried in the sand. I don't like the way you said
40:45
that. Yeah, I'm going to get on all
40:52
fours, yo, arch my back. I'm peeking my head and I'm
41:01
going to peek my head in and make sure it's safe to go in
41:03
there. Give me a luck check. 8.
41:08
Yeah, you're cool. You don't see anything in there.
41:10
I don't, I don't trust that tone of this at all, but that would
41:14
be meta gaming so I go in. All right, you go in, there's a
41:18
lot of sand. Kind of sucks.
41:20
There's nothing in here. I didn't even investigate, I was
41:24
just making sure it was safe. You don't have to investigate.
41:27
There's nothing in here. Oh yeah, If you want to dig in
41:28
sand, dig in the sand. No, I I don't think I want to
41:35
dig in the sand. What is this like white
41:37
rectangle to the West? Oh, that's a solar panel that's
41:41
been cracked. Solar panels don't look like
41:46
that, but OK. It looks like an old mattress.
41:49
You look like an old mattress. That's what I thought it was.
41:54
I get on the radio and I say, hey, I want to come double check
41:58
my searches here. You know, I'm kind of dumb and
42:00
blind because I wear glasses. Sure, I hop out of the vehicle
42:04
and I have to make a luck check again.
42:08
Oh my gosh. Not only do I not get stuck in
42:13
here, but I feel vibrations underneath here and this whole
42:20
little weird wiggly sand just kind of softens up and just
42:26
turns like hard back to regular road.
42:28
And I'm like, what the hell is that?
42:30
Magic. The devil.
42:34
All right, Then I truck back over here and I'm just like,
42:37
what are you doing? Yeah, you know, I'm just, I got
42:40
done searching these tents and just figured someone could take
42:43
a second look because I didn't find anything and I was sure
42:45
there would be something here. All right, cool.
42:48
I'm going to. I'm going to roll for each tent.
42:51
I'm just going to roll it all at once.
42:54
A1A16A14 Well with that one, I got to go in this tent right
43:00
here and I get buried up to my waist.
43:03
Actually, this tent is being buried due to this little sand
43:06
pit above it. And you, you, you were fine.
43:10
You looked in, you didn't see anything, but you weren't going
43:12
to get sucked into it. I got a gnat 1, so I'm down to
43:15
my waist sucked into this thing. Someone Get Me Out.
43:18
I am the panic. OK, that's fine.
43:24
So before helping get out, I take advantage of the situation.
43:30
Wait a minute. I start swinging.
43:34
I got a 16. I punch you in the wait.
43:38
What's your AC? 15.
43:42
Oh good, I hit you in the nuts for one point of damage.
43:46
You forget that I'm stronger. Doesn't doesn't matter.
43:50
I had a 16. My nuts grab your foot.
43:53
You better roll, motherfucker. Anything.
43:57
Is this not what you think it is?
43:59
I don't know if that's more worrisome or not. 18.
44:08
What are you doing? I'm.
44:11
Taking this sandwich out of my pocket, making you eat it.
44:19
Roll AD. Roll AD 610.
44:23
My God, you go to shove it in my face.
44:25
I'm like, I actually through the whole ordeal of you trying to
44:29
shove it in my face. Most of it just kind of gets
44:31
smushed and thrown in places, but a little bit gets in my
44:35
mouth and I swallow it and I'm just like, oh, my stomach hurts
44:38
even more now. Why would you do this to me?
44:42
Get Me Out of the fucking sand. Shoe out of the sand.
44:51
Give me an athletics check you Dick.
44:55
Oh my God, 8. Oh my God, you.
45:01
My hands are slippery from panicking.
45:03
About the same actually. My whole body is sweating now
45:06
thanks to the sandwich and you're not able to pull me out
45:08
because I'm too slimy now. Thank you.
45:11
OK, I try again. And you go ahead, do that.
45:15
Wait, before you do that, what are you 2 doing?
45:17
I guess I'll make my way towards you guys because I heard some
45:20
screaming. You do hear lots of screaming.
45:23
Good job. All right, you.
45:25
I'm going to follow him. You guys come out of the
45:27
compound, you head down here and you just, you just stand there
45:31
watching this happen or what? I want to take a look at the the
45:34
broken fucking solar panel behind me because ADHD go bird.
45:40
Sure, give me a technology check, baby bird, What are you
45:43
doing? I'm going to watch.
45:46
Help me, good motherfuckers. I good choice.
45:49
I got a. 5. OK, you're looking at it.
45:54
It looks like solar solar panels, but you can't figure out
45:57
where the cabling goes to. Fun.
46:02
Now roll your second athletic check to get me the fuck out of
46:04
here, please. 15 Finally my hands are dried off from the
46:10
sand, absorbing the moisture out of my body.
46:12
Because I feel like I'm dying and you get a hold of my wrist
46:14
and you yank me out, popping me on my belly.
46:17
Before I let go of your wrist, I say, didn't that sandwich taste
46:20
good? And I grab your wrist slightly
46:21
tighter. I lean in real close.
46:27
You better sleep with your eyes open tonight.
46:31
I always do. Hold on, let me roll an
46:33
intimidation for that one. Oh I sorry.
46:38
I pull you in closer and I go you better eyes with your sleep
46:41
open tonight. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
46:47
I give you a kiss on the cheek before you back away.
46:51
Like wait, better, you better roll a melee attack.
46:58
Don't you fucking lie to me. It's a five.
47:02
Oh wait, no modifiers. It's. 9.
47:07
You go to kiss me and I fucking roll away and nothing happens.
47:11
Roll 1336. No kissing the game warden.
47:14
But that's Coyote, not the game warden.
47:16
Now damn it, I run away, I run away, I run away N really
47:23
fucking far up to the other trees here.
47:25
Damn, hold on, let me try a look check real quick.
47:29
Interestingly enough, as I'm running over up north to get
47:33
away from your love, I trip over some putting.
47:37
It's some little crypto thing here.
47:41
Cryo. Cryo, not crypto.
47:44
I'm an idiot, sorry. That thing's huge.
47:47
You call it little. I think it's huge.
47:49
It's this big, I pulled it up so you can see it better.
47:52
Geez. Anyways, I go oh hey everybody
47:56
get over here quick. All right, Wow.
48:00
Fine, don't get over here. This dine ass thing came out of
48:03
the ground. Wow.
48:06
I was already chasing you anyways, so I'm like right
48:08
behind you. OK, good enough.
48:10
Then I go oh check this out. This thing's like 30 feet tall.
48:16
For the listeners, we're on Albera Rodeo and I'm making it
48:19
huge so they could see it. It's it's literally like a foot
48:22
long. It looks like a Hydro Flask
48:25
Nice, but it is. I don't know why.
48:28
From the angle I was saying it looked huge.
48:31
Thanks. I wish, I wish my girlfriend
48:33
would say that. Yeah, anyways, it is a buried
48:39
cryo canister and when it's activated it creates a 15 foot
48:43
burst of extreme cold, weakening anything that's, you know, weak
48:47
against cold. And then it dawns on me.
48:49
Oh fuck. Hey, I forgot to tell you guys
48:52
the worms. Apparently weakness is cold.
48:56
And as I'm reporting this to you thought he realizes that I
49:01
accidentally clicked the on button on this cryo thing and he
49:05
notices the ground starting to freeze in a 20 foot radius
49:08
around us and the ground starts to shake.
49:13
Done. Done.
49:15
And that's it for today's episode.
49:19
Wow, we got a lot of jam packed in there, Yeah.
49:23
That was a whole, a whole lot and a whole lot of not fighting.
49:26
We took, we took damage from each.
49:28
Other. I mean, I didn't, I mean, I
49:31
guess I did take damage from you, but you know.
49:33
I took a lot of damage from pretty Kitty earlier.
49:36
You did? Yeah.
49:38
I thought he and I did. Did one damage to each other.
49:40
I thought he did the most damage to himself out of anyone.
49:43
It was worth it. Transmission lost.
49:49
Teen status unknown.