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Four Beasts in One: The Homo-Cameleopard by Edgar Allan Poe · Audiobooks & Scary Stories

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  Speaker 1: I hope you enjoy this reading, which comes from a
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  Speaker 1: work in the public domain for beasts in one the
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  Speaker 1: Homo came Leopard edgar Allan Poe Antiochus. Epiphanes is very
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  Speaker 1: generally looked upon as the gog of the prophet Ezekiel.
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  Speaker 1: This honor is however, more properly attributable to Cambses, the
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  Speaker 1: son of Cyrus. And indeed, the character of the Syrian
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  Speaker 1: monarch does by no means stand in need of any
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  Speaker 1: adventitious embellishment. His accession to the throne, or rather, his
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  Speaker 1: usurpation of the sovereignty a hundred and seventy one years
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  Speaker 1: before the coming of Christ, his attempt to plunder the
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  Speaker 1: Temple of Diana at Ephesus, his implacable hostility to the Jews,
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  Speaker 1: his pollution of the Holy of Holies, and his miserable
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  Speaker 1: death at Taba after a tumultuous reign of eleven years
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  Speaker 1: are circumstances of a prominent kind, and therefore more generally
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  Speaker 1: noticed by the historians of his time than the impious, dastardly, cruel, silly,
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  Speaker 1: and whimsical achievements which make up the sum total of
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  Speaker 1: his private life and reputation. Let us suppose, gentle reader,
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  Speaker 1: that it is now the year of the world, three thousand,
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  Speaker 1: eight hundred thirty, and let us, for a few minutes
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  Speaker 1: imagine ourselves at that most grotesque habitation of Man, the
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  Speaker 1: remarkable city of antioch To be sure, there were in
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  Speaker 1: Syria and other countries sixteen cities of that appellation, besides
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  Speaker 1: the one to which I more particularly ellude. But ours
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  Speaker 1: is that which went by the name of Antiochia Epidaphne,
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  Speaker 1: from its vicinity to the little village of Daphne, where
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  Speaker 1: stood a temple to that divinity it was built, although
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  Speaker 1: about this matter there is some dispute. By Seleucus Nikainer,
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  Speaker 1: the first king of the country after Alexander the Great
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  Speaker 1: in memory of his father Antiochus, and became immediately the
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  Speaker 1: residence of the Syrian monarchy. In the flourishing times of
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  Speaker 1: the Roman Empire, it was the ordinary station of the
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  Speaker 1: prefect of the eastern provinces, and many of the emperors
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  Speaker 1: of the Queen City, among whom may be mentioned, especially
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  Speaker 1: Verus and Valens, spent here the greater part of their time.
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  Speaker 1: But I perceive we have arrived at the city itself.
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  Speaker 1: Let us ascend this battlement, and throw our eyes upon
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  Speaker 1: the town and neighboring country. What broad and rapid river
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  Speaker 1: is that which forces its way with innumerable falls, through
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  Speaker 1: the mountainous wilderness and finally through the wilderness of buildings.
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  Speaker 1: That is the Orantes, And it is the only water
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  Speaker 1: in sight, with the exception of the Mediterranean, which stretches
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  Speaker 1: like a broad mirror about twelve miles off to the southward.
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  Speaker 1: Every one has seen the Mediterranean, but let me tell
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  Speaker 1: you there are few who have had a peep at Antioch.
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  Speaker 1: By few, I mean few who like you and me,
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  Speaker 1: have had at the same time the advantages of a
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  Speaker 1: modern education. Therefore, cease to regard that sea, and give
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  Speaker 1: your whole attention to the mass of houses that lie
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  Speaker 1: beneath us. You will remember that it is now the
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  Speaker 1: year of the world three thousand, eight hundred thirty, or later,
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  Speaker 1: for example, where it the year of our Lord eighteen
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  Speaker 1: hundred forty five. We should be deprived of this extraordinary spectacle.
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  Speaker 1: In the nineteenth century Antioch is, that is to say,
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  Speaker 1: Antioch will be in a lamentable state of decay. It
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  Speaker 1: will have been by that time totally destroyed at three
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  Speaker 1: different periods by three successive earthquakes. Indeed, to say the truth,
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  Speaker 1: what little of its former self may then remain, will
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  Speaker 1: be found in so desolate and ruinous a state that
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  Speaker 1: the patriarch shall have removed his residence to Damascus. This
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  Speaker 1: is well, I see you profit by my advice, and
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  Speaker 1: are making the most of your time in inspecting the premises,
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  Speaker 1: in satisfying your eyes with the memorials and the things
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  Speaker 1: of fame that most renowned this city. Dot I beg pardon.
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  Speaker 1: I had forgotten that Shakespeare will not flourish for seventeen
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  Speaker 1: hundred and fifty years to come. But does not the
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  Speaker 1: appearance of Epidaphne justify me in calling it grotesque? It
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  Speaker 1: is well fortified, and in this recis respect is as
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  Speaker 1: much indebted to nature as to art. Very true, there
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  Speaker 1: are a prodigious number of stately palaces there are, and
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  Speaker 1: the numerous temples sumptuous and magnificent, may bear comparison with
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  Speaker 1: the most lauded of antiquity. All this I must acknowledge. Still,
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  Speaker 1: there is an infinity of mud huts and abominable hovels.
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  Speaker 1: We cannot help perceiving abundance of filth in every kennel
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  Speaker 1: and were it not for the overpowering fumes of idolatrous incense,
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  Speaker 1: I have no doubt we should find a most intolerable stench.
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  Speaker 1: Did you ever behold streets so insufferably narrow, or houses
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  Speaker 1: so miraculously tall? What gloom their shadows cast upon the ground.
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  Speaker 1: It is well the swinging lamps in those endless colonnades
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  Speaker 1: are kept burning throughout the day. We should otherwise have
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  Speaker 1: the darkness of Egypt in the time of her desolation.
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  Speaker 1: It is certainly a strange place. What is the meaning
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  Speaker 1: of yonder singular building? See? It towers above all others,
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  Speaker 1: and lies to the eastward of what I take to
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  Speaker 1: be the royal palace, that is, the new temple of
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  Speaker 1: the Sun, who is adored in Syria under the title
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  Speaker 1: of Ilagabella. Hereafter, a very notorious Roman emperor will institute
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  Speaker 1: this worship in Rome, and thence derive a cognomen Heliogabalus.
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  Speaker 1: I dare say you would like to take a peep
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  Speaker 1: at the divinity of the temple. You need not look
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  Speaker 1: up at the heavens. His sonship is not there, at
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  Speaker 1: least not the sonship adored by the Syrians. That deity
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  Speaker 1: will be found in the interior of yonder building. He
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  Speaker 1: is worshiped under the figure of a large stone pillar,
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  Speaker 1: terminating at the summit in a cone or pyramid, whereby
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  Speaker 1: is denoted fire hark. Behold, who can those ridiculous beings
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  Speaker 1: be half naked with their faces painted, shouting and gesticulating
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  Speaker 1: to the rabble. Some few are mountebanks, others, more particularly,
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  Speaker 1: belong to the race of philosophers, the greatest poor. However,
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  Speaker 1: those especially who belabor the populace with clubs are the
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  Speaker 1: principal courtiers of the palace, executing as in duty bound
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  Speaker 1: some laudable comicality of the kings. But what have we here, Heavens?
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  Speaker 1: The town is swarming with wild beasts. How terrible a spectacle,
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  Speaker 1: How dangerous a peculiarity? Terrible, if you please, but not
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  Speaker 1: in the least degree dangerous. Each animal, if you will
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  Speaker 1: take the pains to observe, is following very quietly in
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  Speaker 1: the wake of its master. Some few, to be sure,
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  Speaker 1: are led with a rope about the neck, but these
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  Speaker 1: are chiefly the lesser or timid species. The lion, the tiger,
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  Speaker 1: and the leopard are entirely without restraint. They have been
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  Speaker 1: trained without difficulty to their present profession and attend upon
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  Speaker 1: their respective owners in the capacity of valets to chamber.
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  Speaker 1: It is true there are occasions when nature asserts her
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  Speaker 1: violated dominions. But then the devouring of a man at arms,
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  Speaker 1: or the throttling of a consecrated bull is a circumstance
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  Speaker 1: of too little moment to be more than hinted at
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  Speaker 1: an epidaphne. But what extraordinary tumult do I hear? Surely
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  Speaker 1: this is a loud noise, even for Antioch. It argues
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  Speaker 1: some commotion of unusual interest. Yes, undoubtedly the king has
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  Speaker 1: ordered some novel spectacle, some gladiatorial exhibition at the hippodrome,
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  Speaker 1: or perhaps the massacre of the Scythian prisoners, or the
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  Speaker 1: conflagration of his new palace, or the tearing down of
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  Speaker 1: a handsome temple, or indeed a bonfire of a few Jews.
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  Speaker 1: The uproar increases, shouts of laughter ascend the skies. The
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  Speaker 1: air becomes dissonant with wind instruments, and horrible with clamor
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  Speaker 1: of a million throats. Let us descend, for the love
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  Speaker 1: of fun, and see what is going on this way.
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  Speaker 1: Be careful here we are in the principal street, which
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  Speaker 1: is called the street of Timarcus. The sea of people
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  Speaker 1: is coming this way, and we shall find a difficulty
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  Speaker 1: in stemming the tide. They are pouring through the alley
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  Speaker 1: of Hroclydes, which leads directly from the palace. Therefore, the
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  Speaker 1: king is most probably among the rioters. Yes, I hear
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  Speaker 1: the shouts of the herald proclaiming his approach in the
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  Speaker 1: pompous phraseology of the East. We shall have a glimpse
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  Speaker 1: of his person as he passes by the temple of Ashima.
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  Speaker 1: Let us ensconce ourselves in the vestibule of the sanctuary.
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  Speaker 1: He will be here Anon in the meantime, let us
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  Speaker 1: survey this image. What is it? Oh, it is the
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  Speaker 1: god Ashima in proper person. You perceive, however, that he
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  Speaker 1: is neither a lamb, nor a goat, nor a sadder.
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  Speaker 1: Neither has he much resemblance to the pan of the Arcadians.
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  Speaker 1: Yet all these appearances have been given. I beg pardon
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  Speaker 1: will be given by the learned of future ages to
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  Speaker 1: the Ashima of the Syrians. Put on your spectacles and
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  Speaker 1: tell me what it is. What is it? Bless me?
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  Speaker 1: It is an abe true, a baboon, but by no
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  Speaker 1: means the less a deity. His name is a derivation
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  Speaker 1: of the Greek simia what great fools are antiquarians? But
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  Speaker 1: see see yonder scampers a ragged little urchin. Where is
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  Speaker 1: he going? What is he bawling about? What does he say? Oh?
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  Speaker 1: He says the king is coming in triumph, that he
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  Speaker 1: is dressed in state, that he has just finished putting
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  Speaker 1: to death with his own hand a thousand chained Israelitish
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  Speaker 1: prisoners for this exploit. The ragamuffin is lauding him to
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  Speaker 1: the skies. Hark. Here comes a troop of a similar description.
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  Speaker 1: They have made a Latin him upon the valor of
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  Speaker 1: the king, and are singing it as they go. Mill
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  Speaker 1: mill mill mill mill mill dicalavamus eumus homo mill mill
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  Speaker 1: mill mill decalavamus mil mill mill vyvat camille mil osit
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  Speaker 1: it tantumvini habit nemo quantum sanguinees effudet astorisk one, which
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  Speaker 1: may be thus paraphrased. A thousand, a thousand, a thousand,
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  Speaker 1: a thousand, a thousand, a thousand, We with one warrior
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  Speaker 1: have slain a thousand, a thousand, a thousand, a thousand,
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  Speaker 1: sing a thousand over again? Soho, let us sing long
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  Speaker 1: life to our king who knocked over a thousand, so fine, soho,
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  Speaker 1: let us roar. He has given us more red gallons
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  Speaker 1: of gore than all Syria can furnish of wine. Do
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  Speaker 1: you hear that flourish of trumpets? Yes, the king is coming.
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  Speaker 1: See the people are aghast with admiration, and lift up
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  Speaker 1: their eyes to the heavens in reverence. He comes, He
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  Speaker 1: is coming. There he is who where the king? Do
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  Speaker 1: not behold him? Cannot say that I perceive him? Then
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  Speaker 1: you must be blind, very possible. Still, I see nothing
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  Speaker 1: but a tumultuous mob of idiots and madmen, who are
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  Speaker 1: busy in prostrating themselves before a gigantic came leopard, and
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  Speaker 1: endeavoring to obtain a kiss of the animal's hoofs. See,
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  Speaker 1: the beast has very justly kicked one of the rabble over,
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  Speaker 1: and another and another and another. Indeed, I cannot help
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  Speaker 1: admiring the animal for the excellent use he is making
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  Speaker 1: of his feet rabble. Indeed, why these are the noble
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  Speaker 1: and free citizens of Epidaphne. Beasts did you say, take
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  Speaker 1: care that you are not overheard? Do you not perceive
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  Speaker 1: that the animal has the visage of a man. Why,
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  Speaker 1: my dear sir, that came leopard is no other than
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  Speaker 1: Antiochus Epiphanes, Antiochus, the illustrious king of Syria and the
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  Speaker 1: most potent of all the autocrats of the East. It
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  Speaker 1: is true that he is entitled at times Antiochus Epamines
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  Speaker 1: Antiochus the Madman, but that is because all people have
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  Speaker 1: not the capacity to appreciate his merits. It is also
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  Speaker 1: certain that he is at present ensconced in the height
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  Speaker 1: of a beast, and is doing his best to play
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  Speaker 1: the part of a came leopard. But this is done
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  Speaker 1: for the better sustaining his dignity as king. Besides, the
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  Speaker 1: monarch is of gigantic stature, and the dress is therefore
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  Speaker 1: neither unbecoming nor over large. We may, however, presume he
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  Speaker 1: would not have adopted it but for some occasion of
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  Speaker 1: a special state. Such you will allow is the massacre
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  Speaker 1: of a thousand Jews. With how superior a dignity the
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  Speaker 1: monarch perambulates on all fours. His tale, you perceive, is
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  Speaker 1: held aloft by his two principal concubines, Aline and Argelize,
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  Speaker 1: and his whole appearance would be infinitely prepossessing, were it
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  Speaker 1: not for the protuberance of his eyes, which will certainly
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  Speaker 1: start out of his head, and the queer color of
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  Speaker 1: his face, which has become nondescript from the quantity of
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  Speaker 1: wine he has swallowed. Let us follow him to the Hippodrome,
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  Speaker 1: whither he is proceeding, and listen to the song of
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  Speaker 1: triumph which he is commencing. Who is king but Epiphanes? Say?
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  Speaker 1: Do you know who is king but Epiphanes? Bravo, bravo.
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  Speaker 1: There is none but Epiphanes. No, there is none. So
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  Speaker 1: tear down the temples and put out the sun well,
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  Speaker 1: and strenuously sung. The populace are hailing him, prince of poets,
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  Speaker 1: as well as glory of the East, delight of the universe,
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  Speaker 1: and most remarkable of came Leopards. They have encoured his effusion.
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  Speaker 1: And do you hear he is singing it over again.
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  Speaker 1: When he arrives at the hippodrome, he will be crowned
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  Speaker 1: with the poetic wreath in anticipation of his victory at
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  Speaker 1: the approaching Olympics. But good Jupiter, what is the matter
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  Speaker 1: in the crowd behind us? Behind us, did you say, oh, ah,
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  Speaker 1: I perceive, my friend, it is well that you spoke
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  Speaker 1: in time. Let us get into a place of safety
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  Speaker 1: as soon as possible. Here, let us conceal ourselves in
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  Speaker 1: the arch of this aqueduct, and I will inform you
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  Speaker 1: presently of the origin of the commotion. It has turned
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  Speaker 1: out as I have been anticipating, the singular appearance of
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  Speaker 1: the came leopard, and the head of a man has,
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  Speaker 1: it seems, given offense to the notions of propriety entertained
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  Speaker 1: in general by the wild animals domesticated in the city.
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  Speaker 1: A mutiny has been the result, and as is usual
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  Speaker 1: upon such occasions, all human efforts will be of no
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  Speaker 1: avail in quelling the mob. Several of the Syrians have
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  Speaker 1: already been devoured, but the general voice of the four
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  Speaker 1: footed patriots seems to be for eating up the came leopard.
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  Speaker 1: The Prince of Poets, therefore is upon his hinder legs,
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  Speaker 1: running for his life. His courtiers have left him in
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  Speaker 1: the lurch, and his concubines have followed. So excellent an
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  Speaker 1: example delight of the universe, thou art in a sad predicament,
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  Speaker 1: Glory of the east, Thou art in danger of mastication. Therefore,
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  Speaker 1: never regard so piteously thy tail. It will undoubtedly be
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  Speaker 1: draggled in the mud. And for this there is no help.
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  Speaker 1: Look not behind thee then, at its unavoidable degradation. But
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  Speaker 1: take courage, ply thy legs with vigor and scud for
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  Speaker 1: the hippodrome. Remember that thou art Antiochus, Epiphanes, Antiochus the illustrious,
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  Speaker 1: also prince of poets, Glory of the East, delight of
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  Speaker 1: the universe, and most remarkable of came leopards. Heavens, what
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  Speaker 1: a power of speed thou art, displaying, What a capacity
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  Speaker 1: for leg bail Thou art developing, run Prince bravo, Epiphanes,
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  Speaker 1: Well done, came leopard, glorious Antiochus. He runs, he leaps,
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  Speaker 1: He flies like an arrow from a catapult. He approaches
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  Speaker 1: the hippodrome, He leaps, he shrieks. He is there. This
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  Speaker 1: is well for hadst thou Glory of the East, been
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  Speaker 1: half a second longer in reaching the gates of the amphitheater,
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  Speaker 1: there is not a bear's cub in Epidaphne that would
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  Speaker 1: not have had a nibble at that carcass. Let us
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  Speaker 1: be off, let us take our departure for we shall
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  Speaker 1: find our delicate modern ears unable to endure the vast
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: uproar which is about to commence in celebration of the
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: king's escape. Listen, it has already commenced. See the whole
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: town is topsy turvy. Surely this is the most populous
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  Speaker 1: city of the East. What a wilderness of people. What
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  Speaker 1: a jumble of all ranks and ages. What a multiplicity
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  Speaker 1: of sects and nations. What a variety of costumes. What
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  Speaker 1: a babble of languages, What a screaming of beasts, What
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  Speaker 1: a tinkling of instruments, what a parcel of philosophers. Come,
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  Speaker 1: let us be off. Stay a moment. I see a
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  Speaker 1: vast hubbub in a hippodrome. What is the meaning of it?
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  Speaker 1: I beseech you that, oh nothing. The noble and free
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  Speaker 1: citizens of Epidaphne, being as they declare, well satisfied of
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  Speaker 1: the faith, valor, wisdom, and divinity of their King, and
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  Speaker 1: having moreover been eye witnesses of his late superhuman agility,
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  Speaker 1: do think it no more than their duty to invest
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  Speaker 1: his brows, in addition to the poetic crown, with the
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  Speaker 1: wreath of victory in the footrace, a wreath which it
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: is evident he must obtain at the celebration of the
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  Speaker 1: next Olympiad, and which therefore they now give him in advance.