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Andy Stanley - Guardrails Part 5 The Heart of the Matter · Andy Stanley Sermons

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I was a little boy, and I mean like little boy. I lived
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in Miami, and my dad bought me a bow and arrow with those little
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rubber tip suction cup tips on the end of the arrows. You know,
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some of you remember those. I don't think they even sell those anymore.
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And so I immediately went out in the backyard and shot my sister and the
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arrow did not stick. And I was so disappointed. And she was disappointed
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too, but for an entirely different reason. And so she began to cry,
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and my dad came out in the backyard. I could, you know,
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do you have pictures that stay with you forever? And he came out
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and took the arrow, and he said he was going to spank me with
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the arrow, not stab me with the arrow, no emails. He was
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going to spank me with the arrows, because that back in the day,
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that's what you did. That's why it turned out to be such a fine,
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responsible citizen. So anyway, so he began literally to chase me with
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this arrow, and I thought, well, my mom's in the house.
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Surely there's mercy in the house. And I ran in the house, no
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mercy for mom, through the living room into their bedroom, into their bathroom,
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dead end, nowhere to go, and the only way to literally cover
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my rear was sit down, and I did, but the lid was up,
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and immediately my knees were to my chin and I was folded up in
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the toilet, stuck. This is I'm not making this off. I'm in
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church, okay, and church is I not church? So anyway, so
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I'm stuck and I still I can see I'm low towering over me as my
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dad with the arrow and he burst out laughing uncontrollable after and I escaped that
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particular spanking with the arrow. But I learned something. My behavior was forever
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modified. Do not shoot your sister with the bow and arrow. I learned
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that very important lesson. And then throughout my childhood this will be surprising.
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Throughout my childhood, I had other behavioral modification lessons. They went through middle
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school and high school and all the way through college. And this is something
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we've all experienced. In fact, we are all really really good at monitoring
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and modifying our behavior, aren't we. Because I mean, when you went
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to that new job, they said, this is how we do it here.
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When you went to college and you joined a fraternity, he said,
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this is how we do it here. So this is how we do it
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here. We don't do that, we don't dress this way, we don't
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use that language. So throughout life we've learned it in order to be successful.
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We monitor and we modify our behavior, and we're pretty good at it.
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But then every once in a while, from out of who knows where,
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and I don't know where this, We don't know where this comes from?
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Do we out of nowhere it seems, or out of somewhere? For
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sure? We say, and we do the dumbest things, and we even
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say sometimes I don't know where that came from, and the people around us
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are going, we know where it came from, right the thing and that
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does this? We know where it came from. And what we're saying when
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we say I don't know where it came from is that's not me. I
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don't think that way. I don't feel that way. Well, where did
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that come from? So where does all that stuff come from? That's what
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we're going to talk about today. We're in part five, the final episode
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of our series Guardrails. If you've been with us for a while, you
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know why we call the series Guardrails. But if not a guardrail, as
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you already know, is a system designed to keep vehicles from straying into dangerous
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or off limits area. Off limit areas, guardrails are never placed in the
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danger zone. Guardrails are always placed in the what the safety zone. That's
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right, and that's why we get in trouble sometimes when we talk about the
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kind of guardrails we're going to talk about. Guardrails are designed on the highway
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to do two things, primarily to direct us and protect us. But as
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we said throughout this series, the highway is not the only place. We
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need guardrails in our lives. We need some financial guardrails, we need some
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moral guardrails, we need relational guardrails. We need guardrails in our marriage.
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Some of you need guardrails in terms of how you parent your children because you
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were parented in such a way that you don't ever want to do what your
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parents did, but you have a tendency to veer off in the very same
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direction that your father. How your father disciplined you, or your mother disciplined
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or didn't discipline you. So sometimes even as parents, we need guardrails.
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And specifically when we talk about a guardrail outside the context of the highway or
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curves or bridges. A guardrail is actually a personal standard of behavior that becomes
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a matter of conscience, personal standard of behavior that is, I've decided for
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me, not for you, and you not for me. I've decided for
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me. There are certain things that once I begin veering in these directions,
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something's going to go off in my conscience and say, you're getting a little
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bit too close to the side of the road. Not when I'm in the
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danger zone, because guardrails aren't in the danger zone when I'm in the safety
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zone, but moving in a direction that may be dangerous for me personally or
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the people that I love. So the point of a guardrail is to light
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up our conscience before we hurt ourselves, to light up our conscience before we
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hurt other people, to begin feeling uneasy early, before it's too late.
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So today, as we wrap up this series, I want to talk about
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what I think is the most important guardrail of all for all of us to
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establish. I want to talk about how to guard your heart. Solomon,
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who was considered in the ancient times to be the wisest person that ever lives.
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Some people still think he's the wisest person that ever lived. He wrote
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the Book of Proverbs, He wrote Song of Solomon. He wrote ecclesiastes that
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were included in the Jewish the Hebrew Bible that then just got wrapped around and
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strapped onto our New Testament documents. And Solomon wrote about a lot of things.
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He wrote about money, relationships, marriage, you know, all kinds
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of relationships work well. You know what happens after a person dies, and
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what we can expect in the future, the meaninglessness of life, hope and
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life. He wrote about everything, but in the Book of Proverbs he says,
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essentially, hey, all that stuff I wrote about, it's really important.
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But there's one thing I don't want you to miss. If you forget
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everything else, I said, if you ever had that conversation with one of
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your parents, or maybe with one of your kids, if you forget everything
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else, I said, here's what Solomon says. If you forget everything else,
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I said, above all else, guard your heart. Guard your heart.
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I've said a lot of important things, but above everything I've said,
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guard your heart. Well, Solomon, why is that such a big deal?
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And he says this because or for everything, everything, everything, everything
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you do flows from it. Now, what if that that's true. And
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this isn't even like a religious thought, I mean, what if that's true.
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What if everything we do erupts from or flows from something that's on the
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in side of us. What if everything we do originates within Well, if
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that's the case, then whatever within is and we don't obviously it's not our
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physical heart, but it comes from within us somewhere. If that's the case,
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then learning to guard that within part, because it impacts the without part,
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would be super important. So the question is what does it look like?
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What does it look like to begin to guard your heart? So one
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day, a thousand years after Solomon wrote that, a thousand years later,
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Jesus is with his guys and they're doing their Jesus and their disciples thaying,
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you know, healing people and teaching and preaching. And wherever Jesus went,
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perhaps you know this, wherever Jesus went, there was a cloud that follow
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him of religious leaders, pharisees, teachers of the laws, scribes, priests,
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high priests, all kinds of people, and they would be on the
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outside of the crowd because their goal was to trip Jesus and to drive a
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wedge between he and the crowd so that once they can isolate him, they
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could arrest him. Because as long as there was a crowd, the religious
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leaders weren't allowed. But every once in a while they would work their way
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to the front of the line and say, Jesus, we have a question
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for you. And their questions were always trick questions, which makes reading the
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gospels fascinating. So on one of these particular days, a couple of guys
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made their way to the front of the crowd, and they said, Jesus,
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we have a question for you. Why do your disciples, the folks
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that follow you most closely, why do your disciples break the tradition of the
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elders. I'll explain what that is in just a minute. Why don't they
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wash their hands before they eat? To which we read that and go.
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Certainly, Jesus, your parents taught you to wash your hands before that you
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eat, and certainly your disciples' parents taught them to wash their hands before they
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eat. So what's up with this wash your hands before you eat? So
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what they were referring to is this in the Old Testament law the high priests
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and the priest and anybody that was to do sacred work before God had to
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do certain ceremonial washings to make sure they were always ready to do God's work,
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because you did not want to touch something uncles clean and then do God's
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work, so your hands had to constantly be clean well over time. And
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so this was a tradition they had. Well, actually it was a law
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they had for the religious leaders, but then they turned it into a tradition
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for everybody, and they imposed on everybody else this sort of guardrail rule that
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said everybody needs to do these ceremonial washings so they don't accidentally touch something unclean,
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like something dead or blood or something that was off limits. Ancient Jewish
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people touch that and then touch food and put the food in their mouth.
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So they said everybody needs to do these washings. Well, the law didn't
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teach that. The law said that was just for the priest, the high
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priests, and certain folks that worked at the temple. The priest and high
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priests came along and said no, all the Jews had to do it.
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So this was a tradition, not actually a law. So over time,
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over time, the temple leaders elevated the importance of this tradition to that of
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a law. So Jesus wasn't breaking one of the ten commandments in one of
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the laws. He just wasn't paying attention to one of their traditions because they
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made it up. And Jesus chuckled and thought to himself, are you crazy
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to bring this up? He said to them, Jesus replied, Okay,
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let me ask you a question. Why do you actually break the command of
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God for the sake of your tradition. You're accusing me of breaking a tradition
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that's not even a command of God. You actually break a command of God
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in order to protect one of your man made traditions. You know, one
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example of this, And basically these would be sort of their own guardrails they
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had established. But in establishing a guardrail, they violated. They're actually violating
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the command of God. I can illterrate it this way. Imagine a father
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saying to his teenage daughter, do not speak to your mom disrespectfully. Do
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not speak to your mom disrespectfully. And the teenage daughter goes, Okay,
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in fact, I heard that guardrail series. I think I'm going to set
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up a guardrail that will keep me from speaking to mom disrespectfully. Oh good,
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what's that I'm not going to speak to her at all. That way,
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I won't accidentally speak to her disrespectfully, to which the dad says,
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but that is being disrespectful. You've set up a rule to keep from breaking
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a rule that's actually a violation of the rule. Did you follow that?
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All the dads follow that, I know, okay, of teenage daughters,
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And this is what they had done. They had come up with a rule
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because the teenage daughter doesn't even really want to talk to her mom. Okay,
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So I'm going to set up a real to keep me from breaking a
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rule to get to do what I want to anyway. So that's what this
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group had done. There were some things in the law that Moses had given
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that they didn't want to keep. They didn't want to do that part of
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the law, so they came up with their own rules that would keep them
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from having to obey God's law. So basically, they were breaking the actual
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law to preserve their traditions. And so Jesus tells them exactly what he's talking
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about. He said, for God said, and then he names one of
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the top ten. This is like in the the table of contents for the
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entire law, and God said honor your father and your mother, which they
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all knew that law. But you say that if anyone declares that what might
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have been used to help their father or mother is devoted to God, they
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are not to honor their father and their mother with it. Now, his
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audience knew exactly what he was talking about. We read that and think we
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have no idea what you're talking about. So here's what he was talking talking
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about. That these religious leaders had come up with a tradition that allowed them
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to violate the law to honor your father and their mother. And here's what
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their tradition was. It's pretty crafty. They had this rule that you could
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just verbally dedicate or give away everything you owned. So a moderately wealthy person,
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very wealthy person could just say, I dedicate all my belongings to the
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temple. Everything I own I now give to the temple. But according to
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this tradition, you could use what you own to support you and your immediate
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family as long as you lived. So what they did is they came up
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with a rule that kept them from being generous because anytime somebody said ask them
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to do something, they could say, uh uh no, given, while
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I'm living. There's no giving while I'm living. There's no giving while I'm
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living, because I've already given everything to the temple. Now God allows me
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to use all this wealth to support me and my immediate family. And so
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what would happen is their aging parents would come to them needing help. Imagine
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in that culture. Imagine, I mean you think about how quickly we lose
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our eyesight. I told Sandry years ago, you know I have terrible,
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terrible eyesight, And I said, you know what we I would have starved
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by now I could be them, neither a hunter or a gatherer. I
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would not know who the enemy is and who the friends are. And I
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have to get so close to the fruit to finally pick because my eyes are
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so Imagine living in a world where you know, after a certain age,
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you can barely see. So parents needed the support of their children, just
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like they do now. And so these religious leaders, their parents would come
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to them asking for support. Get this, and they would say to their
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parents, oh, mom, oh dad, I would love to help you
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out, but I can't give you anything because I've already dedicated it to God.
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He said Jesus, he is having none of that. He says,
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thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your stupid I added
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that word, your stupid tradition. You hypocrites, You've come up with a
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rule to keep that allows you to get by with not obeying the overt will
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of God. Honor your father and your mother. Now, whenever Jesus would
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end his conversation with you hypocrites, that meant this conversation is over, okay,
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And all the people in the crowd would cheer because Jesus just made the
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religious leaders look kind of crazy, and there wasn't a whole lot of mercy
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and a grace coming from them toward the people anyway. So the religious leaders
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shrink back into the crowd, and they shrink back in the crowd kind of
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going, who came on that stupid question? I don't know when miighty you
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said it was a good question, because they would just humiliate themselves constantly in
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front of the crowd. So then Jesus, you should read the gospels.
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It's fascinating, okay. So then Jesus turns, you know, to the
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crowd, because all the you know, the religious leaders have walked off for
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the time being, He says to the crowd, listen to me. I
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want to make sure you understand what just happened between me and the religious leaders.
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I want to make sure you're clear. Jesus called to the crowd,
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the crowd to him and said, listen and understand, and then they're all
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leaning in. He says, okay, just want to make this clear.
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What goes into someone's mouth does not defile them. Because the issue was touching
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unclean things, touching food and putting it in your mouth. And they would,
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you know, they didn't understand germs obviously, but they had all these
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cleanliness rules and it was a big deal what you put in your mouth.
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And of course you over Jewish people even today there are just certain things they
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don't eat, and that was the case back then. So Jesus says,
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I want you to understand something. When you put the wrong thing in your
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mouth, it does not defile you. And defile you has to do with
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a person's relationship with God. In other words, what you put in your
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mouth does not make you unworthy to God. What you put in your mouth
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does not put you at odds with God. Now, this was a brand
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new idea, brand new idea. But here's the thing to remember. When
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you read the Gospels, Jesus was a hinge between the Old Covenant and the
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New Covenant, between the Old Testament and the New Testament. Jesus had come
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to unleash something completely new in the world. But he was born, as
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Paul says, under the law. So he is a law abiding Jew who
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is about to introduce something better than the law that supersedes the law that makes
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the law of Moses obsolete. Like your iPhone five, you know it was
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awesome during the day, but hey, you know it's obsolete. There's nothing
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wrong with it then, but something better has come along. Jesus had come
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along to introduce something better in the world. Throughout what ministry. This is
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so important, they're out his ministry. He would drop bread crumbs to let
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people know something new is coming, something new is coming, something new is
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coming, something new is coming. So this was a shift the law,
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the law, the ancient law of Moses. God's contract with Israel was all
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about staying clean. It was all vertical. Is God happy? Is God
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happy? Is God happy? Let's keep God happy? It was all eye
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to the sky. And Jesus says that day is coming to an end.
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What you put in your mouth is no longer going to defile you in the
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presence of God. But what comes out of your mouth is what defiles you.
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It's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, So it's what's
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in here that comes out of here that's the problem. It's not what I
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put in here it's the problem. It's what's already in there that comes out
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of here, that's the problem to which they're thinking. But wait a minute.
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What comes out of here are words, and that affects people. So
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you're telling me that God is more bothered, that God is more bothered by
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how my words impact people than how my actions or my words might directly impact
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God. That God is more bothered by what we say, then what we
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eat. Now this is this is new territory and the conversation in So they
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walk off. So Jesus started with a big crowd in the Pharisees and leaders.
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Now he's down to the crowd. Now he's down to him and his
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guys. They're walking off, and Peter comes up to Jesus. He says,
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hey, of course I understood exactly what you were saying, but some
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of the other guys are a little confused. So could you go over that
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one more time and maybe just go a little slow. I got it,
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Jesus, I got it. But for the for the other guys, would
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you because we well, this is so new. I mean, if we
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think if you said, if we understand you correctly, I mean, this
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is this is big news. And Jesus turns to this guys and I think
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he was having fun with him, honestly. He said this, He said,
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are you still so dull? Are you still so dumb? Are you
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not able to follow me? And they're like, follow me? So Jesus
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gathers his twelve now he's got the small group, and he says, okay,
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and he says, I'm gonna go slow. I want to make sure
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you understand this. I'm going to go slow. You tell me if I'm
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going too fast for you guys, Okay, don't you see that whatever enters
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the mouth goes into the stomach. Everybody following me like yeah, and then
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out of the body. Everybody following me, you guys, like Jesus,
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we know that dies. I just want to make sure you know I was
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not going too fast for you. Okay, into the mouth, into the
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stomach, out of the body. Kind they kind of chuckle. And then
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Jesus gets serious and he says, but the things that come out of a
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person's mouth come from the heart. The things that come out of a person's
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mouth come from inside the person. And he uses the heart as sort of
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this figure of speech. The things that come out of a person's mouth,
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they come from the heart. And now he gets real serious, and that's
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what defiles them. And it's these things, these that defile a person.
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The thing that puts a person at odds with God is not what goes in,
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it's what comes out. Puts a person into odds with God is not
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what they eat, but how their words affect the people that God loves.
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That words offend, words that offend others offend God. I'm telling you,
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as obvious as that may be to some of us, this was brand new
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territory. This was a complete reversal of everything they had been brought up to
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believe, because they have been brought up to believe that Priority number one is
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keep God happy. And you keep God happy by doing certain things, not
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doing certain things. I mean, if other people aren't happy, too bad
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God, to keep God happy. And then Jesus says this, you ready,
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if you've been daydreaming or doing something else at home. Okay, don't
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miss this far. This is super important for says Jesus. For out of
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the heart. For out of the heart came evil thoughts, murder that's an
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activity, Adultery that's an activity, sexual immorality that's an activity, theft,
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false testimony, slander. He says, from the heart comes all these things
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that defile a person. Why do these defile people? Because they hurt people.
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And when you hurt people, God loves you. Hurt God. And
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when you offend people that God loves you, offend God. And when you
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do things that harms other people, it offends God. That's what defiles a
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person in God's presence. It's not what goes in, it's what comes out
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and how it affect other people. These, he said, these these behaviors,
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these behaviors that impact other people, these horizontal behaviors, these are what
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defile a person. This is what makes God a little bit up set.
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So they're going, wait, so mistreating other people puts us ys, It
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puts us at odds with God. Not breaking dietary laws and cleanliness laws,
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Jesus says, no, I want to make sure you know. But eating
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with unwashed hands does not defile them. Now again, maybe this is the
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first time you've heard this, or maybe you wish you'd grown up in a
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church that believe this, because this is what Jesus taught, and it was
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at odds with the Old Testament, and it was at odds with their Jewish
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leaders who were doing their best the follow the law of Moses. If what
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harms people offends God, and the behavior that harms people that is sourced in
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our heart. So if what offends God is what offends people, and what
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offens people comes from our hearts, then we need to guard our hearts.
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In other words, according to Jesus, our behavior will eventually mirror our hearts,
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and our hearts will eventually show up in our behavior. But our behavior
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eventually mirrors our hearts, and what's in our hearts eventually flows out into our
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behavior. Now, the interesting thing is you already know this. You may
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not have thought thought in these terms, but you've seen this. You've seen
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this in your life, You've seen this in the lives of other people.
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Right, I mean, do you know anybody that blew up a career because
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of what came out of here? Do you know anybody that burned down a
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marriage with their tongue. Do you know anybody that alienated their children because of
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how they behaved in the home. Do you know anybody that destroyed a marriage
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because of how they behaved outside the home? And some of these very people,
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in fact, some of us are some of those very people, aren't
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we? And we look back and think, what was that? Who was
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where in the world did that come from? So as we kind of wrap
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up this series, I want to spend our last few minutes talking about four
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emotions that should ding your conscience that when you think these thoughts, are feel
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these feelings. When you think these thoughts or feel these feelings, when your
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mind starts to go down this trail, it should bother you. It should
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be a It should light up your conscience. It should remind you, or
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it should inform you that you have some work to do, because if you
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do not deal with what's on the inside, it eventually makes its way to
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the outside. And not only do you hurt you, and not only do
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you hurt perhaps the people you love the most. It's offensive to God.
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And it's not offensive to God because he's so sensitive and you know, so
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emotional it's offensive to God, because God loves the people you hurt, and
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God loves you. And when you love someone, you don't want to see
21:53
them hurt themselves. And when you love someone, you don't want them to
21:56
be hurt by someone someone else. So these should you off. These are
22:00
you can think of it this way. These are like internal tensions that deserve.
22:06
In fact, I think they demand our attention. So here they are
22:10
for emotions, guardrails for the heart, guilt, anger, greed, and
22:12
jealousy. Guilt, anger, greed and jealousy, Guilt, anger, greed,
22:18
and jealousy. When you identify these, because greeds you don't even feel,
22:22
but you may identify it. When you feel it or identify it,
22:26
you have work to do. There is something in you that has the potential
22:30
to create chaos outside of you. And our tendency, right, our tendency
22:36
is to wait until we've said something, to wait until we've done something.
22:40
That's why putting the guardrail in the danger zone. We want to put the
22:44
guardrail in the safety zone, which means we start paying attention as soon as
22:48
there is an internal tension. Guilt says, I owe you, I owe
22:55
you an apology, I owe you something because I took something from you and
22:57
you don't know about it, or maybe you do, but I'm too proud
23:00
to admit it. Gil says, I owe you. It leads to walls
23:03
and authenticity, right dishonesty. Guilt leads to secret keeping. It leads to
23:08
creating distance. What's wrong nothing, what's wrong? Nothing? What's wrong nothing?
23:11
What's wrong nothing? How long can do this the rest of our marriage?
23:15
What's wrong? Nothing? What's wrong? Nothing? What's wrong nothing?
23:17
Well, there's something wrong. I don't want to tell you because I'm carrying
23:19
something, and it seeps into our words and it makes its way into our
23:22
relationships. Anger says you owe me because you hurt me, you took something
23:27
from me. You either pay me back or I pay you back. Now.
23:32
The problem with anger, and we all know this, is that anger
23:34
leaks. Anger is not stationary. Anger is mobile. Anger leaks into our
23:41
other relationships. Another way of saying it is that anger is never isolated to
23:45
the relation of origin. That anger is never isolated to the relationship of origin.
23:51
In other words, you were hurt as a kid. You were hurting
23:52
that last job, you were hurt by that last girl, you were when
23:56
he broke up and the way he broke up and the way you found out,
23:59
And you're carrying anger, as Don Henley says, and it'll eat you
24:03
up inside because it's true. But anger says that you owe me, and
24:08
until you pay me back, I'm gonna hold this over you, and I'm
24:12
gonna hold it over anyone who reminds me of you, and long after you're
24:18
out of my life, I'm still gonna hold other people hostage to what you
24:22
took from me. Greed says, I owe me. This is what we
24:29
talked about last week. So what is greed. Greed is the assumption that
24:32
is all for my consumption. That's right. Greed is the assumption that's all
24:37
for my consumption. So greed is I owe me. And I know you're
24:40
in need, and I know there's these people that are struggling, and I
24:41
know that the churches asked, and I know that the folks at work are
24:44
raising money for And as much as my heart goes out to them, my
24:48
money does not. And as much as I feel sorry for what they're going
24:53
through, I don't feel so sorry that I'm gonna write a check because I
24:57
owe me. And oh yeah, it's heartbreaking. But when it comes to
25:02
actually writing that check, when it comes to actually giving that money, there's
25:06
something I just I can't justify it. I hope no one ever discovers how
25:10
much I have and what I did with what I had, as opposed to
25:11
helping someone else. But it's like, I just, I just I can't
25:15
do that. It becomes a filter for all of our decisions. You know
25:18
what else happens with greed? And this is mainly a guy thing, I
25:22
think, And maybe it's just because I have heard stories that relate primarily to
25:26
men when it comes to this. Men, if we're not careful because we
25:29
like stuff, men, the people in our families, the people closest to
25:33
us, will feel like they're competing with our stuff. They'll feel like the
25:38
car is actually more important than her or him. That making sure that stays,
25:44
you know, buttoned up and tightened up and you know, locked up
25:47
and insured. You know, don't go in there. I'm gonna let you
25:49
look, but kids don't touch after a while. Listen, when your children
25:52
feel like they're competing with your stuff, you have a greed problem. You
25:56
do You say, you know, I just like nice stuff. No,
25:57
you like no stuff? When you nice stuff more than you like your children
26:00
or you like other people, that's an issue that should bother you. That's
26:03
like you bumped up against the guardrail. Uh oh, something needs to be
26:07
done about that. Come on, we don't want the people we love feeling
26:11
like they're competing with something we own that eventually we're gonna leave behind and they're
26:17
gonna sell it and they're not gonna get a good price for it because they
26:22
don't care, because it's just a bad memory. Right, jealousy, life
26:29
owes me. Somebody got what I deserve. She got who I deserve.
26:34
He got what I deserved. I was in line for the promotion. They
26:38
didn't even talk to me. Boom, put her right in. You got
26:41
somebody else, what got what I deserve? Life owes me. And now
26:45
you don't like them, and now it's almost impossible to be nice to them.
26:49
You know what else happens with jealousy. This is the ickiest, ickiest,
26:52
ickiest thing. And with this rises up in me, I mean I
26:56
just I just speak it out loud because I think it is the worst,
27:00
grossest. I don't know another word I can use in public. This is
27:02
theest stuff I can think of is when I find myself secretly celebrating someone else's
27:10
loss or failure. Is there anything worse than that? Is there anything lower
27:15
than that? If that is in you, and if that is in me,
27:18
that should set off alarm bells in our conscience because it will eventually leak.
27:26
So when you feel it, when you see it, you got to
27:30
address it. When you feel it, when you see it, when you
27:33
notice it, when somebody else notices it in you, and of course you
27:36
say oh no no no, no, no, no no, but then
27:38
you walk away going oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
27:41
I think yes. In fact, I can't even admit it. I'm so
27:42
embarrassed by it. You got to address it. Now. I'm going to
27:47
give you some suggestions over here in this third column, but before I do,
27:49
let me just say this real quick. If you're not a Christian,
27:52
I have and you already know this, but I just want to make sure
27:55
you know that. I know I have no right in the world to tell
27:57
you what to do, and just because Jesus said so doesn't mean you're obligated
28:00
to do it. You've never signed on as a Jesus followers, so I
28:03
get that. So if in the midst of this, you feel like I'm
28:04
shaking my finger saying you need to I'm really not. For those of us
28:08
who signed on as Jesus followers, this isn't optional. This is what it
28:14
means to follow Jesus. I mean, this is this is one oh one.
28:18
But let me just say one more thing. If you're not a Christian,
28:19
or you're coming back, or you're considering it, what we're about to
28:22
talk about in the next five and a half minutes is why following Jesus will
28:26
make your life better and it will make you better at life, even if
28:32
you haven't come to the point and never come to the point that you can
28:33
acknowledge that Jesus is whom Jesus claimed he was following Jesus the way we're about
28:38
to talk about about to talk about this is why we say following Jesus makes
28:42
your life better and will make you better at life. It'll make you a
28:47
better husband or wife, or boyfriend or girlfriend or just friend or employee or
28:51
employer. It'll just make you a better person. That's why jesus invitation was
28:55
follow me, follow me, follow me, and I'm going to ask you
28:57
to do things that don't necessarily make any sense emotionally. But at the end
29:02
of the day, at the end of the decision, you will experience a
29:06
freedom and a peace that perhaps you've never ever experienced before. So these are
29:11
four preventative and a way heart exercises to keep you out of a ditch,
29:15
to keep you from going outside the rails. And as I said, they
29:19
are precisely the opposite of what we feel like doing or want to do.
29:25
So what do we do with our guilt? These are just four words as
29:29
we confess and not to God compre he already knows. When you confess to
29:37
God, God doesn't go what hey, somebody, come here. You're not
29:41
keeping me up to date on what's going on. I had no idea.
29:44
I'm so sorry, so sorry. Let me write that down. Okay,
29:45
you did what in a go slow because I always paying attention. But this
29:48
is what you were raised to do. You were raised. Come on,
29:52
You were either raised and tell someone you barely know and never see in their
29:55
real life, or you were told to tell God. The confession that he
30:00
and the confession that deals with guilt has to do with confession to somebody who
30:03
is in your life and ultimately to confess to the person that you hurt and
30:08
that you stole something from, and it will damage your reputation. That's what
30:14
guardrails do, minimal damage. It will hopefully temporarily maybe damage your marriage or
30:19
your relationship with your fiance or your boyfriend. But if it's temporary, then
30:22
it's minimal damage. That's the nature of a guardrail. It's minimal damage.
30:26
But the longer you carry that guilt, the longer it eats you up inside
30:30
and is gonna drive you to other behaviors that eventually you're gonna either have to
30:34
confess or somebody's gonna find out. Come on, Secrets suck the life out
30:40
of you, and secrets suck the passion and the life out of a relationship.
30:45
So if you were God and you loved you the way God ups you,
30:48
what do you think you would say. You would say, come on,
30:52
let's get rid of that. I want you to confess, And yeah,
30:55
you're gonna have to swallow your pride, but come on, your pride
30:57
is why you did what you did to begin with. Confess it. And
31:00
if you don't think you're ready to confess to the person you actually hurt,
31:03
because that's too big of a step then I would beg you confess it to
31:07
someone who is in your life, a trusted friend, somebody in your group,
31:11
somebody at work, somebody that they're not a counselor they're not going to
31:15
try to fix it for you, but you need to get it out.
31:18
And when you get it out and can look at it, chances are you'll
31:21
take that next step and eventually you will confess to the person that you hurt.
31:25
And when you do, look up here this is important. There will
31:29
be a measure of chaos out here, but there will be a level and
31:34
a measure of peace in here, and this will eventually dissipate, and this
31:41
will eventually be something you work through, but you will have set yourself up
31:45
for future success by simply doing the difficult work of confessing anger. We already
31:51
know the answer to this. Let's forgive. Do you know what forgiveness is?
31:55
Forgiveness is identifying specifically what was taken from me and decide you don't owe
32:00
me anymore. It's not enough to say I had a terrible debt, or
32:02
I had a terrible mom or my boss okay, they were terrible, granted,
32:06
but what did they take from you? What specifically was taken from you.
32:09
You've got to identify specifically what was taken from you, and then you
32:13
have to look at it and say, I'm making a decision. You don't
32:15
owe me this anymore. I'm canceling the debt. That's what forgiveness is.
32:20
It is canceling a debt to which we say, I feel like I'm letting
32:22
them off. You are, That's why I feel so bad. But you're
32:27
letting somebody else off as well, you because you're digging up all of this
32:34
out of your heart and you're saying, I will not be ruled by this
32:37
anymore. It's not going to follow me into my next relationship. It's not
32:39
going to follow me into my next marriage. It's not going to impact the
32:43
way I discipline my kids. I'm done. I am deciding you don't owe
32:46
me. You are forgiven. And what do we do about greed? We
32:55
give? We write some big to you checks. You knowing a big to
32:59
you check is it's a check that's big to you. May not be big
33:01
to me, may not be big to the person that I'm behind you,
33:04
but to you, it's a big check. It may be a huge check
33:07
compared to me, But to you, it's just a big check. You
33:08
write some big to you checks. You decide, you know what, agreed,
33:10
You're not controlling anymore. Watch this. I'm writing a check and I'm
33:14
giving it to this nonprofit and they didn't even ask. Ha ha ha.
33:16
You don't control me anymore. If you want to get serious, find something
33:20
precious, an object, not a child, okay, find not someone,
33:24
not someone, a something, not a someone as something. You find something
33:29
precious, like, don't touch that, don't go in there, don't get
33:31
your hands on that. You know, we keep it up behind glass and
33:34
you sell it and you give the money away and you go, aha,
33:38
These objects will not control me anymore. I'm not about stuff that somebody else
33:44
is gonna have to sell. And I'm not against having stuff, and I'm
33:47
not against collecting stuff. But when it becomes the priority over people, you
33:52
have a greed problem. And you can't continue to be consumed by what isn't
33:58
even yours to consume. Christians don't trust in riches. We trust in him
34:05
who richly provides. Now jealousy, we said that, you know life owes
34:10
me, But if you want to deal with jealousy, you've got to be
34:14
willing to admit what the real problem is, and it's not that life owes
34:17
you. At the end of the day, if you're honest, you believe
34:21
God owes you. This is an issue not between you and your sister in
34:27
law because she married well, or because she has something, or because she
34:30
you know, whatever it was you wanted and now she has it, or
34:32
your brother in law or your roommate because she's kind of moving on with your
34:36
life and you feel like you're in a cult to saga. It really has
34:38
nothing to do with him. It has to do with what you think God
34:42
owes you that God didn't give you. Because the truth is, see,
34:45
life happens, but God takes what happens and makes things happen. When we
34:51
receive what comes our way from his hands and ask him to do with it
34:54
whatever he pleases. I'll tell you where I've learned that lesson. I've learned
34:58
that lesson watching Christians suffer. I have watched as many of you as as
35:04
well, have watched Christians go through things with family or children, or illness
35:07
or any kind of thing financial thing that they really didn't deserve or just because
35:12
of just life happens. I mean there's no explanation, just stuff happens.
35:16
And instead of becoming bitter, and instead of spending the rest of their life
35:20
comparing their bad fortune to everybody else's good fortune, somehow, they just offer
35:24
it to God. And they are the people I have the most respect for.
35:28
And they are probably the people you have the most respect for. Why
35:32
because they just don't compare. They just receive life from God and say,
35:37
God, this is what happened. Now, what can you do with what
35:42
happened. The way you respond to jealousy is you begin to celebrate. You
35:46
begin to celebrate what God has given you, and you begin to celebrate what
35:51
God has given others. You begin to celebrate what God has given you,
35:54
and you begin to celebrate out loud. Dear Frank, congratulations on the promotion.
36:01
As you know, I was really hoping to get it. But I
36:04
am genuinely happy for you. Love. And then put an envelope and you
36:15
say, jealousy, you do not live in my heart any longer. I
36:21
am genuinely happy for you. Say, well, I don't feel it.
36:23
It doesn't matter if you feel it. You are going to behave your way
36:28
past these things that have the potential come on to pollute our heart and pollute
36:31
our soul. Who has what you think you deserve, you need to figure
36:36
out a way to celebrate them out loud. Now, for some of you,
36:39
you need to do a little bit of some mirror work. You know
36:42
what I mean. Mirror work is when you look in the mirror and you
36:45
start talking to these things. Gil, Gil, you're not living in my
36:47
heart anymore. I'm gonna be I'm confessing, Anger, you're not gonna live
36:51
in my heart anymore. I'm forgiving. Watch this, I'm gonna forgive.
36:53
In fact, I'm even gonna write a list of all the things that were
36:55
taken from me. I'm gona put an envelope decide they don't owe me anymore
36:58
because anger, you're not gonna live in my heart anymore. I'm not carting
37:00
you around from relationship. The relationship, the relationship, the relationship, and
37:05
greed. I'm going to write some big checks, okay, greed. I'm
37:07
going to be almost unhealthily generous until I can become a cheerful giver. Because
37:13
see, some of you think you got to be cheerful before you give.
37:15
That's not true. You give till you become cheerful. If you have to
37:17
wait till you're cheerful, come on, You're never gonna give, because the
37:21
cheerfulness of giving is the response to what happens when God opens your hands in
37:25
your heart, you realize, you know what, I'm actually happier and at
37:30
more. I have more peace without it than I did cling into it,
37:35
protecting it, cleaning it and ensuring it. So there's gonna be there's gonna
37:39
be so much cheer that follows into jealousy. You just did look in the
37:43
mirror and say, you know what, she or he or whoever they are,
37:45
You're not living in my heart anymore. I'm gonna celebrate them. I'm
37:47
gonna look for opportunities all day long to celebrate their success. You are not
37:52
my master. When my kids were a little bitty, you know, I
37:59
last I told you about the jars. You know, I gave them the
38:00
three jars, and we're just I was just I just have always wanted,
38:05
you know, to set my kids up for success. And because of what
38:07
I do, because being a preacher's kid, I just see things sometimes a
38:12
little bit differently. So early on, I wanted my kids when they were
38:15
little to be able to learn to pay attention to what's going on on the
38:19
inside. Because when we raise kids, I mean this is true for all
38:21
of us when we were raised, you know, it's always behavior modification.
38:23
Stand up, set up, stand up straight, tell your mom, thank
38:25
you, do this, do do do do do do behavior behavior, behavior
38:29
behavior, And we did a lot of that, of course, but I
38:30
wanted them to learn to identify what was going on on the inside. So
38:34
when I would put them to bed at night, I would just place my
38:36
hand on their chest and I'd say, hey, andrew's everything okay in your
38:38
heart? Anybody hurt your feelings today? Because sometimes kids don't know what to
38:43
do with it's hurt my feeling. I don't know what to do with that.
38:45
Did anybody lie to you today, Andrew? Andrew? Do you feel
38:47
guilty about anything? Did did I break a promise? Because sometimes parents break
38:52
problem? But did I have I broken a promise? I'm just asking them
38:55
all these questions. I just want to know, you know, what's going
38:59
on in the dat I want them to learn to process this. So this
39:00
goes on for year after year after year, and you hurt anybody hurt your
39:04
feelings, and you're you mad at anybody all that stuff. So after years,
39:07
one night I go to put Ali to bed and I see Ali,
39:10
is everything okay in your heart? Yes, Dad, I'm not mad at
39:14
anybody. Nobody hurt my feelings. You didn't break up, promise, I
39:15
added, out of aut it out of down good. I'm like good,
39:19
just just checking and you know what I thought, And that's good. She
39:24
knows the answer. She knows what to look for, she knows what to
39:27
listen for, she knows what to feel for. So let me ask you
39:30
this and we're done. Okay, come on, Is everything okay in your
39:34
heart? Is everything okay? In your heart? It's everything okay in your
39:39
heart? Is everything okay in your Heartre you mad at anybody You've been having
39:45
the same imaginary conversation with him or her for weeks? Is everything okay in
39:50
your heart? Are you obsessed? Or if there's something every time? In
39:52
fact, it's hard to even listen to it because there's something that just comes
39:54
front and center, that just churns in your gut. Is everything okay in
39:59
your heart? Cling into anything that you know? You have hurt some people's
40:04
feelings over stuff? Have you recently? Even in your heart celebrated somebody else's
40:09
failure, celebrated the fact that life didn't work out for them the way you
40:15
know, they hoped it would work out for them. If so, that's
40:20
dangerous because if it's in there, it's going to come out of there,
40:25
and it will defile you with God. Not because God is squeamish, because
40:31
God loves you and loves the people that your words and actions have the potential
40:37
to hurt. So above all else, above all else, above all else,
40:45
guard your heart, for everything you do flows from its ass