Latest / The You Project / #1695 "I Was Wrong" - Harps

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#1695 "I Was Wrong" - Harps · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: I get a team. I hope you will. I'm not
0:02
Speaker 1: sure how this episode's going to go because I don't know.
0:06
Speaker 1: I don't know I know what I want to talk
0:08
Speaker 1: about generally, and as you can tell already in the
0:11
Speaker 1: first thirty seconds, I'm not incredibly well planned. And just
0:16
Speaker 1: if YI, the way that I do these freestyle solo
0:22
Speaker 1: episodes is I have a thought or an idea that
0:25
Speaker 1: I think is broadly relevant, and I want to share
0:28
Speaker 1: insights and stories and ideas around that, but don't I
0:35
Speaker 1: don't have a script. So if periodically these are not
0:39
Speaker 1: the super slick, polished, you know, highly produced, mind blowing
0:45
Speaker 1: kind of experience that some podcasts are not mine, but
0:50
Speaker 1: some are, I apologize in advance, but I think. I
0:54
Speaker 1: think what I want to talk about today is a
0:57
Speaker 1: really important topic and a really interesting thing to think
1:02
Speaker 1: about at this point in time for all of us.
1:09
Speaker 1: And as you know, because you've already read the blurb
1:12
Speaker 1: or you've seen the title, I want to talk about
1:16
Speaker 1: the idea of being wrong and the fact that we
1:21
Speaker 1: are so reluctant to say we are wrong, or to
1:27
Speaker 1: not only say that we're wrong, but even to consider
1:30
Speaker 1: the fact that we could be wrong. We could have
1:33
Speaker 1: made a mistake, we could have fucked up, we could
1:36
Speaker 1: be completely, unequivocally, absolutely flawed in our thinking, but we
1:42
Speaker 1: don't want to say that for a range of reasons,
1:45
Speaker 1: which I will go into if I remember. But you know,
1:50
Speaker 1: here's a sentence that very very few people would say,
1:56
Speaker 1: and you will, you know, like you know, religious leaders, politicians,
2:03
Speaker 1: health experts, spiritual gurus, nutritional zealots, in general, narcissists. Most
2:11
Speaker 1: people with a platform and a decent audience would not
2:16
Speaker 1: say something like, Look, here's what I believe, but I
2:20
Speaker 1: could be wrong. Here's what I believe, but I could
2:26
Speaker 1: be wrong. And that's for a range of reasons. But
2:31
Speaker 1: the problem is that one of the many problems around
2:34
Speaker 1: this inability, or this lack of willingness to even think that. Look,
2:39
Speaker 1: I can have certain ideas and beliefs, and I guess
2:45
Speaker 1: ideologies and philosophies that I can share with the world.
2:49
Speaker 1: But if I'm genuine about this thing called personal growth
2:53
Speaker 1: and service and kindness and having an awareness bigger than
2:56
Speaker 1: me and all of these things that I bang on about,
2:59
Speaker 1: I need to know, and I do know, and I
3:01
Speaker 1: do acknowledge that I will probably say things today in
3:05
Speaker 1: this little monologue that in a week I might go,
3:10
Speaker 1: I don't exactly think that anymore, or perhaps I got
3:12
Speaker 1: that wrong, or perhaps I could have explained that better,
3:15
Speaker 1: or perhaps I didn't really articulate that in a way
3:17
Speaker 1: which lands with people. Not a bad idea, just explain
3:21
Speaker 1: fucking terribly harps, as I often do. And for me,
3:26
Speaker 1: this need that everyone has to be right. It's a
3:34
Speaker 1: self created anchor. Like if you're wrong, if you get
3:39
Speaker 1: something wrong one, it's okay. You're human. Of course you'll
3:43
Speaker 1: get shit wrong. And if you're wrong, you're wrong, it's okay.
3:49
Speaker 1: It doesn't need to be the end of you. In fact,
3:52
Speaker 1: it might be the beginning of something better, because when
3:55
Speaker 1: we know better, sometimes we can do better. Like our ego,
4:03
Speaker 1: our ego wants us to be right, and we don't.
4:07
Speaker 1: We don't like being wrong because it makes us uncomfortable.
4:12
Speaker 1: We don't like being wrong because we might, we might
4:18
Speaker 1: lose face, we might get embarrassed, we might get disconnected
4:22
Speaker 1: from the group. We want to be right. We want
4:27
Speaker 1: to be right because we want to impress people. It's
4:32
Speaker 1: like being right is being smart. Being smart is in
4:38
Speaker 1: our minds. Sometimes it's social currency. It's being connected. Look
4:43
Speaker 1: at me. I know. We don't want to look stupid.
4:47
Speaker 1: We don't want to be embarrassed, we don't want to
4:48
Speaker 1: be disconnected, we don't want to be thought less of,
4:51
Speaker 1: And so we just fucking dig our heels in because
4:54
Speaker 1: we know we're right, and we know we belong to
4:58
Speaker 1: the right group. We I hate the thought that we
5:02
Speaker 1: could be wrong, in part because our identity is intertwined
5:11
Speaker 1: with this idea that we think is right, with this
5:14
Speaker 1: belief that we think is right, that this philosophy, this ideology,
5:20
Speaker 1: this way of thinking doing being that we believe is
5:23
Speaker 1: unequivocally the right way or the right idea or the
5:26
Speaker 1: right paradigm to inhabit. But, as I've said many times before,
5:31
Speaker 1: the problem with this, the problem with knowing that I'm
5:34
Speaker 1: right in inverted commas asterisk, the problem with knowing that
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Speaker 1: I am right also means that I concurrently know wink
5:45
Speaker 1: wink wink, that everyone in the world who doesn't agree
5:48
Speaker 1: with me is wrong. Well that's all kinds of precarious
5:53
Speaker 1: for the people around you and for you, because at
5:56
Speaker 1: the moment that I think I am unequivocally right, I
6:01
Speaker 1: mean general terms, everything that I believe is true. Then
6:05
Speaker 1: I believe everybody that doesn't believe like me is is wrong.
6:09
Speaker 1: And now now I'm a wall Now I'm now I'm unteachable.
6:15
Speaker 1: Now I can't unlearn and relearn because I already know.
6:22
Speaker 1: And the you know you think about you think about
6:27
Speaker 1: the consequences of being okay perhaps with being wrong, like
6:37
Speaker 1: I'm ok to be wrong. In fact, not only am
6:41
Speaker 1: I okay to be wrong. I find it interesting and
6:45
Speaker 1: sometimes empowering when I learn something new which supersedes what
6:50
Speaker 1: I thought by you, or it undoes what I thought
6:53
Speaker 1: on you, or it proves to me unequivocally that what
6:59
Speaker 1: I was doing or that my thought or my idea
7:02
Speaker 1: or my protocol was in some way somewhere between a
7:06
Speaker 1: bit wrong and completely fucking flawed. You know, like the
7:12
Speaker 1: way that the way that I ate when I was young,
7:16
Speaker 1: I thought I ate mostly healthy. I thought the way
7:21
Speaker 1: that when I was you know, I'm talking about thirty
7:24
Speaker 1: years ago, when I was a young PT gym owner,
7:29
Speaker 1: I was training lots of people, and without going into specific,
7:32
Speaker 1: some of the things that I was teaching people back
7:34
Speaker 1: then about everything from training and progression and recovery and
7:41
Speaker 1: nutrition and genetic optimization and some of the things that
7:47
Speaker 1: I was teaching people were somewhere between completely fucking flawed
7:53
Speaker 1: and not the best device. And was there any resistance
7:59
Speaker 1: in me to say that I got it wrong? Of course,
8:03
Speaker 1: of course there was. Because I wanted to look good,
8:06
Speaker 1: I wanted to be smart. I have an ego, I
8:09
Speaker 1: have self esteem. I was the leader. I didn't want
8:12
Speaker 1: the people around me to think that the leader didn't know.
8:15
Speaker 1: But of course the fucking leader didn't know what he
8:17
Speaker 1: was doing half the time. Of course I got things wrong.
8:20
Speaker 1: Of Course I still get things wrong. And when I
8:24
Speaker 1: learned to do better and I learned to get over
8:26
Speaker 1: my own bullshit, which is still a work in progress,
8:31
Speaker 1: and I started to actually acknowledge to people that without
8:35
Speaker 1: giving fifteen reasons or rationalizations or justifications. But I just
8:39
Speaker 1: started to explain to people or share with people. Ah,
8:42
Speaker 1: I completely got that wrong. I got that wrong. It's
8:45
Speaker 1: like I got the food pyramid wrong. I've got the
8:47
Speaker 1: food pyramid wrong, because the food pyramid we now know
8:50
Speaker 1: is very fucking flawed science. In fact, it's not even science,
8:53
Speaker 1: it's propaganda. I won't go into that. Well, this is
8:56
Speaker 1: what I currently believe. Anyway, The problem is or the
8:59
Speaker 1: reality for me was I was teaching people how to
9:02
Speaker 1: eat a certain way based on a science in inverted
9:04
Speaker 1: commas that was at the very least flawed. I was
9:08
Speaker 1: teaching people to have lots of grains and lots of
9:11
Speaker 1: cereals and hardly any fats, and as as per my
9:15
Speaker 1: education around how to eat well. And that's not good
9:19
Speaker 1: or bad. That's just part of my story. And when
9:21
Speaker 1: I understood what I was doing, and when I understood
9:24
Speaker 1: the mistakes I was making, I endeavored to rectify them
9:28
Speaker 1: and to learn more and to keep learning. Which is
9:30
Speaker 1: why you know, at sixty one years young, I'm still studying.
9:36
Speaker 1: I'm literally still studying and I'm still learning. And when
9:39
Speaker 1: I finished my PhD, which will hopefully be pretty soon,
9:42
Speaker 1: I will keep learning. I will keep unlearning, I will
9:45
Speaker 1: keep learning. I will keep getting things wrong. I will
9:48
Speaker 1: keep admitting that I'm getting things right and wrong. But
9:53
Speaker 1: I will be open to I will be open to
9:58
Speaker 1: fucking up. I will be open to not knowing. I
10:03
Speaker 1: will be open to admitting that I got something wrong,
10:07
Speaker 1: because that is how I learn and grow and evolved,
10:09
Speaker 1: and that is how I be authentic and live in
10:11
Speaker 1: alignment with the stuff. The stuff that I teach you.
10:16
Speaker 1: You know, for me, there was a period of time where,
10:21
Speaker 1: talking about things that I personally got wrong, I believe
10:25
Speaker 1: that training every day was the optimal way for me
10:28
Speaker 1: to train. Now I'm talking about back in the days
10:31
Speaker 1: where I trained hard and heavy every day, which I
10:33
Speaker 1: do not do anymore. I trained differently. I still train
10:37
Speaker 1: most days, but it varies between pretty easy and quite hard.
10:41
Speaker 1: But there was a period of time there where I
10:44
Speaker 1: pretty much trained in period of time I mean years
10:46
Speaker 1: and years where I trained seven days a week like
10:48
Speaker 1: a crazy person. I trained hard and heavy and intense,
10:53
Speaker 1: and I was quite in quite good shape, and I
10:58
Speaker 1: had quite a lot of muscle, which is what I
11:00
Speaker 1: wanted at that stage. And I was quite big, which
11:03
Speaker 1: was what I wanted. That's another conversation, a flawed idea,
11:08
Speaker 1: by the way, but nonetheless that's what I wanted at
11:10
Speaker 1: the time. And then when I opened my first PT studio,
11:18
Speaker 1: I was busy than I'd ever been in my life.
11:22
Speaker 1: So all of a sudden, I had this business. I
11:27
Speaker 1: had this bricks and mortar business. I had staff, I
11:30
Speaker 1: had a team to lead. I had to run an
11:34
Speaker 1: organization and train people, train clients, educate clients and also
11:39
Speaker 1: train my trainers to be trainers in a time where
11:43
Speaker 1: nine ninety there were no personal trainers or very few.
11:46
Speaker 1: There was no qualification, there was no insurance, there was
11:50
Speaker 1: no personal training industry. So I'm trying to figure out
11:52
Speaker 1: how to how to create an industry that doesn't exist.
11:56
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out how to train clients, how
12:00
Speaker 1: to understand all the things that I didn't understand, how
12:03
Speaker 1: to deal with real estate agents and lawyers and accountants
12:06
Speaker 1: and have all these fucking grown up conversations. And one
12:09
Speaker 1: of the byproducts of that was I had to reduce
12:15
Speaker 1: my training from seven days a week to three just
12:18
Speaker 1: because I literally did not have enough time. I was
12:21
Speaker 1: getting to the gym at four thirty five o'clock and
12:23
Speaker 1: leaving at ten, and I was fucking exhausted. And so
12:29
Speaker 1: I made a decision to compromise my training and to
12:33
Speaker 1: go from seven days a week to three days a
12:35
Speaker 1: week for a period of time, knowing in inverted commas
12:39
Speaker 1: that I would go backwards, I would lose strength and
12:41
Speaker 1: I would lose size. But I literally went from zero
12:45
Speaker 1: days or maybe one day a week recovery to four
12:48
Speaker 1: days a week recovery and three days a week. Training
12:51
Speaker 1: on the three days a week, I trained as well
12:53
Speaker 1: as I could, and to my absolute astonishment, but not yours,
12:58
Speaker 1: because you're smarter than me. To my absolute astonishment, what
13:02
Speaker 1: happened in the first few weeks was because I never
13:05
Speaker 1: trained two days in a row, and by the time
13:07
Speaker 1: I got to train, I was so fucking excited and enthusiastic,
13:11
Speaker 1: and my body was so well recovered compared to normal.
13:17
Speaker 1: I got stronger, and I don't mean one percent stronger,
13:21
Speaker 1: I got ten to fifteen percent stronger. In about a month,
13:26
Speaker 1: all of my lifts started to go up, all of
13:28
Speaker 1: my aches and pains disappeared, my joints were better, My
13:34
Speaker 1: recovery was fucking astonishing, my sleep was awesome, and everything
13:40
Speaker 1: started to improve. And everything that I'd done, and everything
13:45
Speaker 1: that I had thought about recovery and about how many
13:48
Speaker 1: days I should train and how much recovery I should have,
13:51
Speaker 1: and pretty much all of it was wrong. All of
13:54
Speaker 1: it was wrong. But what was great was in the
13:56
Speaker 1: middle of learning that I was wrong, I also learned
14:01
Speaker 1: at that time in my life in that training model,
14:03
Speaker 1: I learned what would work for me, And so out
14:08
Speaker 1: of that willingness to go and by the way, I
14:10
Speaker 1: couldn't even argue that I was wrong because the evidence
14:14
Speaker 1: was overwhelming. But it also it changed the way that
14:18
Speaker 1: I communicated with people about strength and hyperch fear and
14:21
Speaker 1: building muscle and recovery and building power and building strength
14:25
Speaker 1: and improving function. Because here's what, and it's kind of embarrassing,
14:31
Speaker 1: but it's just true. Here's what. I didn't really understand
14:35
Speaker 1: how to optimize rest and recovery because I was twenty
14:39
Speaker 1: six and stupid. I didn't really understand it. I didn't
14:44
Speaker 1: really under you know, I theoretically understood it, but experientially
14:49
Speaker 1: and on a deep level, I didn't truly understand how
14:53
Speaker 1: significant it was to not only train my body optimally,
14:59
Speaker 1: but to to let it recover and to give it
15:03
Speaker 1: space away from the dumbbells and bar bells. You know,
15:08
Speaker 1: I remember many times in my business where you know,
15:12
Speaker 1: so my business started as a small fifteen hundred square
15:15
Speaker 1: foot facility in Hampton Street, Hampton, and you know, so
15:21
Speaker 1: literally a fifty foot by thirty foot room or thereabouts,
15:26
Speaker 1: with a couple of little change rooms off that and
15:29
Speaker 1: a very small kitchen, so ladies changing room, guys change room,
15:32
Speaker 1: a couple of toilets, no showers, a very small kitchen
15:37
Speaker 1: at and around fifteen hundred square foot of floor space,
15:41
Speaker 1: which compared to my subsequent studios, was tiny, but at
15:47
Speaker 1: the time it was fucking amazing. But then I went
15:51
Speaker 1: from there and that did really well, and I got
15:53
Speaker 1: pretty busy, and that fifteen hundred square foot space didn't
15:58
Speaker 1: really after a while accommodate my trainers and their clients
16:02
Speaker 1: or our clients, and it was getting a little bit
16:05
Speaker 1: claustrophobic in there. So I moved to another facility which
16:10
Speaker 1: was double that, three thousand square feet, and then that
16:13
Speaker 1: was in Hampton Bluff Road in Melbourne. And then I
16:18
Speaker 1: opened another one in Corefield, which is about twice that. Again,
16:22
Speaker 1: then I opened another one concurrently, so I had all these.
16:26
Speaker 1: Then I had another one in Brighton which was ten
16:29
Speaker 1: thousand square feet, which was at the time the biggest
16:32
Speaker 1: training definitely the biggest personal training facility in the Southern
16:36
Speaker 1: Hemisphere and maybe the world. Very very very well equipped
16:40
Speaker 1: all of that, and so I went from this. I
16:43
Speaker 1: went from this very small operation to this big operation.
16:46
Speaker 1: I also opened two other businesses. There's a point to
16:49
Speaker 1: this story, it's coming. I also opened two other bricks
16:52
Speaker 1: and mortar businesses in the health and wellness space. So
16:55
Speaker 1: at a certain time I had five standalone businesses, five
16:59
Speaker 1: lots of stuff, a team of about one hundred at
17:02
Speaker 1: that stage. And how I'd been taught and told and
17:05
Speaker 1: trained was that bigger is better, that more businesses, more locations,
17:09
Speaker 1: more staff, more income is better. And I guess it
17:14
Speaker 1: depends on your metrics for measuring better in inverted commas,
17:22
Speaker 1: or the KPIs for success. But for me, the bit
17:28
Speaker 1: that I got wrong in business is that I thought,
17:31
Speaker 1: and again, this was my wrong. It might for somebody
17:34
Speaker 1: else that might not be wrong, by the way, But
17:37
Speaker 1: as my business grew, and as my team grew, and
17:40
Speaker 1: as my responsibilities grew, and as my number of locations
17:45
Speaker 1: grew and expanded, and even as my brand and profile grew,
17:48
Speaker 1: and I started traveling and speaking at conferences, and as
17:52
Speaker 1: all of that grew, so did my exhaustion, So did
17:59
Speaker 1: my anxiety, so did at times my confusion. And I'm
18:07
Speaker 1: just speaking personally here, And so for me, what I
18:11
Speaker 1: discovered for me, for Craig Harper, the biggest business is
18:16
Speaker 1: not the best business. Now, even if for me that,
18:19
Speaker 1: by the way, all of those businesses were making money,
18:22
Speaker 1: So it's not like, Wow, I was going broke. I
18:24
Speaker 1: wasn't going broke. All businesses were in the black. Everything
18:27
Speaker 1: from the financial point of view was doing okay. But
18:30
Speaker 1: what I got wrong was I somehow thought that if
18:34
Speaker 1: I can build this fucking empire, because I that's the
18:39
Speaker 1: model of success that I grew up in, is that
18:42
Speaker 1: that more is better, that bigger is better, that more
18:46
Speaker 1: income equals more happiness, that more moving parts equals more flexibility,
18:51
Speaker 1: and more variable variables equals better outcomes. And for me
18:56
Speaker 1: that wasn't the case. And it wasn't that it was
18:58
Speaker 1: catastrophic or terrifying. But I can honestly say, from the
19:03
Speaker 1: first to fifteen hundred square foot studio to where I had,
19:07
Speaker 1: you know, some years later, a multitude of locations and
19:12
Speaker 1: different businesses and lots of people, it didn't equate to
19:16
Speaker 1: my life is better. It didn't equate to I'm happier,
19:20
Speaker 1: I'm more fulfilled. It didn't equate to enjoy, It didn't
19:24
Speaker 1: equate to calm. For some other person, my wrong could
19:28
Speaker 1: have been their right, but I got it wrong for me.
19:33
Speaker 1: And the moment that I mean, the moment that I
19:37
Speaker 1: kind of realized that this is this particular operating system,
19:43
Speaker 1: this protocol, this model, whatever you want to call it,
19:46
Speaker 1: this way of working, this way of doing life, this
19:50
Speaker 1: way of building an empire, this way of a creating income.
19:56
Speaker 1: For me, it's not optimal, optimal, And I could do
20:02
Speaker 1: a whole podcast on why. But what was good was
20:06
Speaker 1: it made me realize, or it helped me realize what
20:09
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do and who I didn't want
20:11
Speaker 1: to be. And what I don't want to be is
20:13
Speaker 1: an entrepreneur. What I don't want to be is a
20:17
Speaker 1: massive business owner with a thousand moving parts and a
20:20
Speaker 1: thousand staff. I don't want that. And it's not that
20:23
Speaker 1: that's bad, but it's just not that it's not good
20:26
Speaker 1: for me. Like for me, this the idea of not
20:31
Speaker 1: being wrong is ridiculous for me personally, because I've gotten
20:36
Speaker 1: so many things wrong. And I don't say that with
20:38
Speaker 1: false humility, I really have. You know, there was a
20:42
Speaker 1: time when my leadership model was everybody's got to fucking
20:46
Speaker 1: love me. I've got to be everybody's friend. I've got
20:50
Speaker 1: to be all things for all people. I've got to
20:52
Speaker 1: be the most resilient, the most resistant. I've got to
20:55
Speaker 1: be the happiest. I've got to be the funnest. I've
20:58
Speaker 1: got to be the best guy. I can't have any
21:01
Speaker 1: chinks in my armor. I can't let the fucking guard down.
21:05
Speaker 1: I can't let people see behind the Craig curtain. I've
21:09
Speaker 1: got to be an inspiration all the time. And every
21:14
Speaker 1: just doesn't work, does it? Because one, that's bullshit, nobody's that.
21:21
Speaker 1: But because I was insecure, and because I wanted to
21:23
Speaker 1: be liked, and because I wanted I didn't want any
21:27
Speaker 1: fucking waves. I wanted everything to be smooth sailing, because
21:31
Speaker 1: that's how life works. I'm going smooth sailing. I was
21:35
Speaker 1: the chronic people pleaser, even as a boss, I was
21:38
Speaker 1: a fucking people pleaser. And then one day, not literally,
21:43
Speaker 1: but one day I went, how I do this doesn't work?
21:49
Speaker 1: How I do this doesn't work? Even you know, there's
21:52
Speaker 1: a real m. How do I say this? There's a
21:56
Speaker 1: real I think there's a real propensity for peace. People
22:00
Speaker 1: who have a platform like me to say what they
22:04
Speaker 1: think people want to hear, to say what they think
22:09
Speaker 1: will be popular, to say what they think will earn
22:12
Speaker 1: them browning points or more followers or more likes or
22:15
Speaker 1: more friends, or more acceptance. But they're not they're not
22:21
Speaker 1: being genuine, they're not saying what they In fact, sometimes
22:25
Speaker 1: they don't even fucking know what they think, because you know,
22:29
Speaker 1: at the core of their message, it's really what do
22:32
Speaker 1: you want me to think? What do you want me
22:33
Speaker 1: to say? What will What can I say that will
22:36
Speaker 1: make you like me? What can I say that will
22:38
Speaker 1: make me more popular? How do I get you to
22:41
Speaker 1: talk about me more? How do I you know? But
22:45
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, it that also doesn't
22:49
Speaker 1: work because eventually that fizzles out. Eventually, you know, the
22:55
Speaker 1: amount of people in my journey that I've pissed off
22:58
Speaker 1: or people that have disc agreed with me or whatever,
23:01
Speaker 1: which are many, also many that have agreed, many that
23:05
Speaker 1: like and support also, but also over time what has
23:09
Speaker 1: happened quite a bit is people have circled back and gone,
23:13
Speaker 1: you know, you kind of pissed me off when you
23:16
Speaker 1: said this, or you kind of I didn't agree with this,
23:20
Speaker 1: or but I kind of get it. I kind of
23:23
Speaker 1: get it. And you know, when I share, like when
23:27
Speaker 1: I talk on this podcast, when I coach, when i'm
23:29
Speaker 1: mentor I'm well aware that I am not the popular
23:34
Speaker 1: voice I'm not the comfortable, user friendly voice. I'm well aware.
23:40
Speaker 1: I'm well aware that I could say things and do
23:43
Speaker 1: things on my platforms that will probably get more likes
23:47
Speaker 1: and follows and clicks and support. I'm well aware, But
23:52
Speaker 1: I also know that I wouldn't be being me. I
23:58
Speaker 1: would be all playing someone else. And I don't say
24:03
Speaker 1: things because I want to piss people off. I don't
24:05
Speaker 1: say things because I want to alienate anyone. I say
24:11
Speaker 1: things because that's what I believe in that moment to
24:15
Speaker 1: be true. That's what I believe to be good advice,
24:19
Speaker 1: or that's what I believe to be an interesting story
24:21
Speaker 1: that might create some insight or awareness or curiosity or
24:25
Speaker 1: inspiration for my audience. That's what I do. But also
24:28
Speaker 1: I'm well aware that in the doing of that, in
24:30
Speaker 1: the sharing and the inspiring and the storytelling and the
24:35
Speaker 1: downloading of science and different kind of ideas, I'm well
24:39
Speaker 1: aware that I will on a pretty regular basis not
24:42
Speaker 1: only will I fuck things up, not only will I
24:45
Speaker 1: get things wrong, but I'll alienate people. And guess what,
24:48
Speaker 1: I'm okay with all that. And the reason I'm okay
24:53
Speaker 1: with all that is because I don't have an option
24:56
Speaker 1: because if I choose not to be okay with that,
24:59
Speaker 1: then I've I've either got a one pretend I'm someone else,
25:04
Speaker 1: or two constantly have my feelings hurt and constantly get
25:09
Speaker 1: in therapy because people don't align or agree or support
25:14
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, you know, And I think just this
25:18
Speaker 1: propensity to be able to or this perhaps capacity is
25:21
Speaker 1: a better word to be able to, you know, reflect
25:26
Speaker 1: as I've taken you through a couple of times through
25:29
Speaker 1: the whole kind of self reflection, self awareness, self regulation,
25:33
Speaker 1: kind of you know, pathway to be able to just
25:38
Speaker 1: self reflect? Am I getting things wrong? Is there any
25:42
Speaker 1: way that this thing that I think is not true?
25:48
Speaker 1: And you know, the truth is that when we are
25:53
Speaker 1: more vulnerable, when we are more flawed publicly, when we
25:59
Speaker 1: are more open and honest with our own bullshit. This
26:05
Speaker 1: is just my opinion, But I truly believe the fact
26:10
Speaker 1: that I am not spectacular, the fact that I am
26:12
Speaker 1: not a genius, the fact that I have spoken many
26:15
Speaker 1: times about, you know, my mediocre childhood and mediocre me
26:19
Speaker 1: in the middle of my mediocre childhood. But the fact
26:23
Speaker 1: that I also I'm very hopeful and I'm willing to
26:28
Speaker 1: work hard and I'm willing to fall down and get up,
26:31
Speaker 1: and I'm willing to support and encourage you, and I'm
26:34
Speaker 1: willing for you to like me or not like me.
26:37
Speaker 1: I'm okay with all of that. I think it's being that,
26:42
Speaker 1: being a version of that, your realest, rawst, most authentic
26:45
Speaker 1: self that you can be. I think it's that that
26:49
Speaker 1: makes you actually more relatable, more authentic, more real, more
26:55
Speaker 1: potentially more likable to the people around you. When people
27:01
Speaker 1: see you, whether or not that's they read you, or
27:03
Speaker 1: they hear you, or they see you on a video
27:05
Speaker 1: or they just see you out and about. When people
27:09
Speaker 1: see you, and what they see is this flawed but
27:13
Speaker 1: relatable kind you know, human just trying to navigate the
27:18
Speaker 1: fucking mayhem that is life. And in the middle of
27:21
Speaker 1: all of that, you can share some kind of kindness
27:24
Speaker 1: or wisdom or insight or generosity or love. That's a
27:30
Speaker 1: recipe for connection, that's a recipe for engagement. That's a
27:34
Speaker 1: recipe for trust and respect. And you know that you're
27:40
Speaker 1: wrong a lot, and we know that you're wrong a lot,
27:43
Speaker 1: And it doesn't mean we've got to walk around and
27:45
Speaker 1: beat ourselves up. But if we are constantly on this
27:51
Speaker 1: chest beating kind of war path of my beliefs are wrong,
27:56
Speaker 1: your beliefs sorry, my beliefs are right, your beliefs are wrong.
28:00
Speaker 1: It's not a way to exist moving or not a
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Speaker 1: healthy way to exist. There's so much less pressure being
28:12
Speaker 1: able to go, oh, I was wrong. And also there
28:15
Speaker 1: will be times where you get it right, and there'll
28:18
Speaker 1: be times where you don't even know. Maybe you think
28:20
Speaker 1: you're wrong, but you end up being right. So it's
28:22
Speaker 1: not just a one way thing. But one of the
28:28
Speaker 1: benefits of being absolutely fine, being able to embrace your
28:34
Speaker 1: mistakes or embrace the things that you get wrong or
28:39
Speaker 1: believe that the beliefs that are flawed, is that it
28:42
Speaker 1: opens a door for you that is closed for others.
28:47
Speaker 1: And that door is the ability to unlearn and relearn. See,
28:54
Speaker 1: when you believe something that's wrong today and you believe
28:57
Speaker 1: it for the next ten years, it's still it's wrong
28:59
Speaker 1: every day. It doesn't matter how much you tell yourself
29:02
Speaker 1: it's right. And if you keep telling yourself that flawed
29:07
Speaker 1: ideology or that thing that's wrong, if you keep telling
29:10
Speaker 1: yourself that's right, you are now unteachable. You are also
29:16
Speaker 1: very hard for people to warm to because you are
29:20
Speaker 1: absolutely unapproachable unless I'm living in the same echo chamber
29:29
Speaker 1: as you. You're now in the middle of confirmation bias,
29:37
Speaker 1: and I think I'm thinking as I go, so excuse me.
29:40
Speaker 1: I'm looking out the window, eyes raised to the bamboo thinking.
29:44
Speaker 1: But I think also like having set beliefs. Do I
29:49
Speaker 1: have set beliefs? I absolutely do. I have some. Really,
29:53
Speaker 1: I have some set beliefs that I think I'm right about,
29:59
Speaker 1: but I don't know I'm right. I think I'm right,
30:02
Speaker 1: but I know i'm right. I'm sorry, I don't know
30:05
Speaker 1: I'm right. So I'm okay with that though, because that's human.
30:09
Speaker 1: And I'm also very comfortable to have friends who don't
30:13
Speaker 1: share my beliefs and who may even think with some
30:16
Speaker 1: things the opposite of what I think. Now, as long
30:22
Speaker 1: as they are what I consider to be good people,
30:27
Speaker 1: then they don't have to agree with me. They don't
30:30
Speaker 1: need to align with me. And in fact, if all
30:32
Speaker 1: of my friends have to think like me and believe
30:35
Speaker 1: like me, and agree with me and support me and
30:38
Speaker 1: align with me, then they're not friends. They're fellow cult
30:44
Speaker 1: members living in my thought cult, living in the Craig cult.
30:52
Speaker 1: So you're going to get stuff wrong. I'm going to
30:56
Speaker 1: get stuff wrong. Remember that sentence that I started with
31:00
Speaker 1: at the top of the show. It was, this is
31:03
Speaker 1: what I believe, but I could be wrong. And if
31:07
Speaker 1: you open your eyes and you take a look at
31:09
Speaker 1: what's going on in the world right now, whether it's
31:13
Speaker 1: in the political space, the religious space, the how do
31:17
Speaker 1: I get the best body space, the nutrition space, all
31:20
Speaker 1: the fucking the myriad of experts selling a myriad of
31:25
Speaker 1: ideas and programs, generally with self interest underneath it all.
31:32
Speaker 1: We know that we know that they're all getting it
31:36
Speaker 1: wrong at some stage, just like you and me. So
31:39
Speaker 1: let's not hold on too tightly to those beliefs. See
31:43
Speaker 1: you next time.