Latest / King Dems Podcast | Growth Mindset, Leadership, AI and Business Insights / Disruptive Leadership: How Ted Santos Turns Chaos into Business Breakthroughs
Transcript
- 0:00Overall, when we're speaking about leaders in general, so
- 0:03maybe across any type of situation, any type of industry,
- 0:08how would you say leaders can reframe chaos as a creative tool
- 0:13rather than a threat? Stop reframing.
- 0:15It's one of the worst things you can, because what we're talking
- 0:19about is a paradigm shift. Running with broken legs?
- 0:22That's a paradigm shift. Before we dive back into today's
- 0:24conversation, I want to share something important.
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- 1:16of therapy. Once again, this is a big
- 1:18partnership with Better Help, and I encourage you to take that
- 1:19first step. If you've been thinking about
- 1:21it, sometimes the best investment you can make is in
- 1:23yourself. Welcome to The Kingdom's
- 1:30podcast, where we share the stories of extraordinary people
- 1:33and dissect hot, relevant topics that shape our world.
- 1:37From visionary leaders to trailblazing creatives, we
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- 1:49it's transformation. The Kingdom's podcast, Your next
- 1:52breakthrough starts here. Music licencing reimagined.
- 1:59In your life, ladies and gentlemen, you'll once again
- 2:02welcome to the Kingdom's podcast, Gary, the CFO and the
- 2:07Medium Dollar Greenprint podcast through Inward Wide Podcast.
- 2:12Today I've got a very, very, very important guest cheapo VIP
- 2:19welcome fighting out of New Jersey United.
- 2:22States of. America Teddy Santos and when
- 2:28the action begins, the Co host in the studio is Noeler, the
- 2:35world's best sales expert. You also get welcome Teddy, not
- 2:45Teddy Pendergrass, but Teddy Santos.
- 2:48How are you doing today, Sir? I'm doing alright you, only you
- 2:52only forgot one line. Let's get ready to rumble.
- 2:57Let's get ready to rumble. Let's go.
- 3:00Whoa. It is it is really, really
- 3:04amazing having you on the podcast.
- 3:08You're somebody that we appreciate beyond words.
- 3:11And it's, it's great to have the great philosophers of your time,
- 3:17the great minds of your time. It's a privilege.
- 3:21You know, growing up, I, I did read a lot of the ancient
- 3:24philosophers and wish I could have conversations with them.
- 3:28But now I'm privileged, right? And now the stars have aligned.
- 3:32Everyone is in blue. Wow.
- 3:37So sit back. You know why we're giving you
- 3:39flowers by you or the leadership disruptor turning peers will to
- 3:45breakthroughs champions Today our guest is a powerhouse in
- 3:50leadership transformation. A man who doesn't just talk
- 3:54about break engineers, then Ted Santos is the CEO of Turn Around
- 4:00Investment Partners and the creator of the Disruptive
- 4:04Leadership model. Has spent over 2 decades
- 4:08transforming struggling companies into industry leaders
- 4:12and helping CEOs master cares, build resilience, and create
- 4:17what others call impossible. From Wall Street boardrooms to
- 4:20Innovation labs, Ted has 1 mission to turn chaos into
- 4:27Breakers. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and
- 4:30girls, let's make welcome the leadership disruptor himself at
- 4:34the One Unknown Scientist. Thank you.
- 4:38You'll see hands of my Co host because I'm too pumped for this.
- 4:42I have to pay the gas prices because I'm gas stock.
- 4:49So, Ted, I'm so happy to have you here.
- 4:52It was lovely meeting you the other day and getting a little
- 4:55bit of insight into who you are as a leader and what really
- 4:58makes you an expert in chaos. Basically, it's amazing to hear
- 5:03you're known for our audience who may not know who you are.
- 5:07You're actually known for helping leaders create problems
- 5:11intentionally, and to a lot of people that's a really radical
- 5:16concept. What inspired the birth of the
- 5:20disruptive leadership model that you are in charge of?
- 5:25So first I want to say thank you both.
- 5:27I also enjoyed our conversation a few days ago.
- 5:30So my pleasure to be here and to have this kind of conversation,
- 5:36especially with people who can appreciate counterintuitive ways
- 5:40of seeing the world or counterintuitive mindset.
- 5:44And I would say I learned at a very young age that disruption,
- 5:51breakdowns, problems, chaos could have the effect of pulling
- 5:55extraordinary out of people. So I I learned that at a very
- 5:58young age. That's amazing.
- 6:02Is there maybe when you say you were in that at a really young
- 6:06age, is there maybe a memory or like a job you had or maybe a
- 6:12relationship with a family member that kind of sparked that
- 6:15early on? When I say young, I mean like
- 6:20really young. I was six years old and I saw my
- 6:24mother run with two broken legs. Oh wow.
- 6:28Right. So it was New Year's Eve and she
- 6:31had taken at the time, so I'm the oldest of four children now,
- 6:35but at that time there were only three.
- 6:37And she took us to New Year's Eve party at her mother's house
- 6:40in the neighbouring town. And she comes home, I don't
- 6:44know, I, it's dark, so I'm sleep in the front seat.
- 6:47And normally we would have been in the back seat, but she drove
- 6:51her brother and his wife home and figured she didn't want to
- 6:54wake children up. So she just drives home and it
- 6:57could be 456 in the morning. And I wake up and the tree is
- 7:03wrapped. I'm sorry, the car is wrapped
- 7:04around a tree. And so I'm sitting right next to
- 7:08her in front of the radio. So I'm cut nose broken, blood,
- 7:13knee gashed. And my brother and sister are
- 7:16we're all crying and I look over to my mother and she's gone.
- 7:21So I'm just tall enough to look over the dashboard and I watch
- 7:24her run. I mean, I'd seen my mother run
- 7:27and she ran just like always. And she runs home, my father's
- 7:31home with his cousin. They come out the house in no
- 7:35time, pick us up, take us to the hospital and that's that.
- 7:39But I learned my mother had two broken legs and a broken arm and
- 7:43I saw her run. So that that event changed my
- 7:47life because I was thinking if she can run with two broken legs
- 7:54and she it was about 100 yards from home and I saw it.
- 7:59I thought human beings have something really special in them
- 8:04and we just don't know how to get it.
- 8:06So how do you get that? So at nine years old, I start
- 8:10studying human behaviour. I wanted to understand people.
- 8:14I also wanted to understand women and dating.
- 8:17So I studied a lot about women and biology and, and sexuality
- 8:23and dating and what women liked and didn't liked and, and then I
- 8:27started studying all people and you start studying neuroscience
- 8:31and I'm just, you know, a young guy.
- 8:32I'm not even in college yet and I'm learning all of these
- 8:35things. And I didn't see it as research.
- 8:38It was just me searching for this thing that I'm going to
- 8:44pull out and at 11, I start working out.
- 8:48I wanted to have cut. I wanted to build this body that
- 8:50could do great things. And I'm 5 foot six.
- 8:54I weighed 143 lbs and I was dunking basketballs, which is
- 8:58not normal for someone my height.
- 9:01And I played US football and I played the position of the
- 9:05biggest guy on the field, which was the defensive nose guard.
- 9:09And I was the way I trained as I trained, like I trained to run
- 9:14with broken legs. Mm hmm.
- 9:17So I had that mindset from six. And you know, I'm, I'm
- 9:21researching things where the woman lifts the car off of her
- 9:25child and you, you hear all of these miraculous things and you
- 9:29know that people are doing them. And I witnessed it watching my
- 9:33mother run. So I know there's something
- 9:35there. And I'm, I'm committed, like
- 9:38highly committed to pulling it out in my training is around
- 9:42running with broken legs, being able to do that now and not
- 9:46later. And so that gave me the mindset
- 9:50to train through sports to be a high performer.
- 9:53And it spilled over into other things.
- 9:56And then the second major disruption happened when I was
- 10:0121, and I received a phone call, and that call changed my life
- 10:06forever. And what I was told on that call
- 10:10is both my parents were no longer alive.
- 10:15And so now I'm at 21, my brother's 19, and my two sisters
- 10:19were 12 and 16. I'm taking over the family.
- 10:23And I still have that mindset of running with broken legs.
- 10:26And what I learned about leadership in the face of chaos
- 10:29and disruption and what I saw my brother and sisters be able to
- 10:33do this was just more confirmation that in the face of
- 10:38disruption, chaos, breakdowns, problems, that people have
- 10:43something in them and they can do extraordinary.
- 10:45I saw my sisters do extraordinary things, things
- 10:49that you wouldn't expect a 12 or 16 year old to do and kind of
- 10:52fast forwarding. But when I became a chief
- 10:55operating officer, literally all of those things that I learned
- 11:00from my parents death were transferred and being able to
- 11:04lead other people. How do you coach people up to do
- 11:07things they don't know how to do?
- 11:09And how do you turn a mediocre or a good team into an
- 11:14extraordinary, a really high performing team and so high
- 11:17performing that they don't even need you unless it's like really
- 11:22important, so self-contained. And when you have that, when you
- 11:27understand as a leader how to create those problems first, how
- 11:31to coach your people up so that they can be able to effectively
- 11:35navigate the chaos without falling apart, it allows you as
- 11:39a leader to look at other possibilities that can be
- 11:42disruptive. And your team has the capacity
- 11:45and nimbleness to be able to take on new possibilities that
- 11:48turn into break. So first of all, thank you so
- 11:53much for sharing that about your past, about your story, about
- 11:56the roots of really where this first type of belief system came
- 12:01about to the point where you've learned how to completely
- 12:05transform chaos into leadership. This is such a valuable skill,
- 12:11not just for, you know, this is a skill.
- 12:14And I said this the other day too, that just as individuals,
- 12:18this is something that as individuals, we try so hard to
- 12:23figure out how to pinpoint the chaos in our lives and kind of
- 12:27transmute it into this successful energy or something
- 12:30that actually helps us instead of hurting us.
- 12:33Or something that moves beyond that framework.
- 12:37Or even maybe that mindset that we were in at the time that that
- 12:41chaos came about in our lives. And you're able to actually do
- 12:44that for entire businesses, you're able to completely
- 12:49restructure their framework. And that is just such an
- 12:52impactful skill that I would just say is invaluable 100%
- 12:59overall when we're speaking about leaders in general.
- 13:03So maybe across any type of situation, any type of industry,
- 13:08how would you say leaders can reframe chaos as a creative tool
- 13:14rather than a threat? Stop reframing.
- 13:18It's one of the worst things you can, because what we're talking
- 13:22about is a paradigm shift running with broken legs.
- 13:25That's a paradigm shift leading, serving as a, you know, in a
- 13:29leadership capacity. When your parents died, there's
- 13:31a Are you all familiar with Malcolm Gladwell?
- 13:35Yeah, the guy that that wrote the book off Liar.
- 13:39Right, outlier tipping point. He has another book, David and
- 13:43Goliath. It's it's worth reading when in
- 13:46daviding. OK.
- 13:48And outlier is really good because the sort of punchline is
- 13:53if you practise something for 10,000 hours, you achieve
- 13:56mastery. Yes.
- 13:58So if you think about, you know, me starting to study human
- 14:02behaviour at 9, by the time I was 18, I probably had 10,000
- 14:06hours of studying, research and understanding human behaviour.
- 14:10But in his book David and Goliath, he talks about how the
- 14:14premises with David and Goliath, David's disadvantage served as
- 14:20an advantage for him in the long run because he wasn't as big as
- 14:24David as Goliath. Sorry, he had to develop
- 14:28weaponry that would support him to be an opponent that was
- 14:32significantly larger. And so his smaller size gave him
- 14:38the advantage of intelligence to use a weapon, a slingshot, and
- 14:42he defeated Goliath. So in that book, he talks about
- 14:46how losing a parent around the age of 20 is an unfortunate
- 14:51situation that is no different than David's miss for, you know,
- 14:57he said people who lose a parent develop these leadership skills.
- 15:01And one of the things that comes out of it is the loss of a
- 15:04parent creates chaos. So when that person is leading a
- 15:07company, they will they will see the chaos in the company as not
- 15:14as extreme as the chaos they dealt with with the parent's
- 15:17death. And I remember one specific day,
- 15:21because this company was growing so fast, it was falling apart.
- 15:25They couldn't sustain it. And I remember standing away
- 15:28from everyone and saying, well, I've seen chaos.
- 15:33I've seen massive chaos when my parents died and I worked
- 15:37through that. And this is not even as extreme
- 15:40as that. And I'll definitely be able to
- 15:42work through this. So it gave me this sort of
- 15:45stable foundation to not lose focus of why I was there to lead
- 15:51a company. So part of that I'm saying you
- 15:55don't want to reframe it. Mm hmm.
- 15:59You want to be able to confront it and go through it.
- 16:04You don't want to try and make it something that's more
- 16:06digestible or this feels better. Let's call it a challenge or
- 16:10it's a chaos, it's a breakdown, it's a problem.
- 16:14And some of those come that you don't see coming, like a
- 16:20pandemic or an economic crisis. And if you're more nimble to
- 16:26intentionally create chaos and problems, then when something
- 16:31comes from the competition, from the economy, from a pandemic or
- 16:35some other global event, you are in a better position to be able
- 16:39to navigate that than someone who is just, we always did it
- 16:45this way and we know how to do it, and we're good.
- 16:48And then a disruption comes and it's like what you used to do is
- 16:51obsolete now what do you do? So you're you are that you're at
- 16:55a disadvantage and you'll have to play catch up with the person
- 16:59or the organisation that's much more nimble.
- 17:03Absolutely. So reframing, reframing shrinks
- 17:07you as a leader. It's because then it becomes
- 17:10something you're already, once you say, have to reframe it.
- 17:14You're already talking about avoiding something and there's
- 17:17no power in avoiding anything. It's my work.
- 17:20A lot of it is very much about going head on and dealing with
- 17:24things instead of trying to, well, let's, let's figure out a
- 17:27positive affirmation to make us all feel better.
- 17:31It's it's not about feelings and in a cold thing to say is facts
- 17:36are not feelings. I mean, feelings are not facts.
- 17:40Sorry, feelings are not facts. They're just feelings that you
- 17:43have and they will derail you. I really appreciate what you
- 17:50talked about, you know, the resilience that you build from
- 17:54creating chaos intentional. And of course, you spoke about
- 17:59the pandemic, right? And it reminds me of what I was
- 18:04doing at the time of the pandemic.
- 18:06I was working with PwC, that's the world's second largest
- 18:10accounting firm. And before the pandemic, we were
- 18:16already discussing the possibility of, you know, remote
- 18:19working. And I was one of the equivalents
- 18:22of, you know, that style of working.
- 18:25I love remote working. And there was this team at PwC
- 18:29on PCM business continuity management.
- 18:33So they create strategies, you know, for the continuity of the
- 18:41business even in the face of, you know, what you call an act
- 18:44of God, you know, crisis, economical crisis, political
- 18:50crisis or whatever crisis, right?
- 18:52But these test has to continue. And I remember they were testing
- 18:57the possibility of remote working.
- 18:59I was one of the people who did the better testing.
- 19:01You know, we're working from a hotel accommodation, working
- 19:05from home and all, and we tried to test the disruptions, right?
- 19:12What happens? There's disruption to the Wi-Fi
- 19:15at the office, right? We have the backup, right?
- 19:18We also gave the all staff members, I think backup Internet
- 19:24for them to use in their homes, right?
- 19:26So you don't need the, the pandemic was coming.
- 19:29So when the pandemic heats, it was just plod and play.
- 19:33We're all just working from home.
- 19:35It just felt like then nothing happened.
- 19:37And, you know, a lot of the competition were adversely
- 19:40affected, you know, by the pandemic.
- 19:45I I got promoted in that year, that same year that the pandemic
- 19:51happened. And I think I even bought my,
- 19:56yeah, I think I bought a Mercedes SUV in that same year.
- 19:59You know, it just felt like when there's a casting down for
- 20:02others, there's a lifting up floor for me, just like the
- 20:05vitamin C's. But The thing is, it comes with
- 20:07being prepared for these disruptions, right?
- 20:11And I think that is like a classic organisational example
- 20:16of what's your body of work strongly stands for.
- 20:22Very good story. And I'd also like to distinguish
- 20:25something. I I think when most people say
- 20:27resilience, they're talking about an event happens and they
- 20:31recover. What you just described is not
- 20:34resilience. That's preparedness, that's
- 20:36training. You all trained for a pandemic.
- 20:40You didn't know it, but you trained for it.
- 20:42And it's no different than an athlete that trains a guy like
- 20:46Michael Jordan trains to have three defenders on him and still
- 20:50be able to score. MM Hmm.
- 20:54So it's it's it's resilience is recovery.
- 20:57It has its value, but my work is really about being able to
- 21:01navigate in real time and go through the eye of the storm.
- 21:05I think, I think I, I sort of disagree with the definition of,
- 21:10you know, the bounce back when it comes to our resilience
- 21:14because I, I have the word resilience up here.
- 21:18AI overview on Google, right? It says resilience is the
- 21:21ability to cope with adversity and to bounce back from
- 21:26stressful situations, trauma or misfortune, right.
- 21:29It can also refer to a material's capacity to resume
- 21:33its original shape after being deformed.
- 21:36So in psychological contexts, resilience involves developing
- 21:39behaviours, thoughts and actions that help you to adapt to change
- 21:44and stress. So I think people look at the
- 21:47other half of the word just to bounce back.
- 21:50But it is also about, you know, coping and driving through
- 21:54adversity. So it's more like you have an
- 21:57elastic elasticity basically, right, of a bacteria and it's
- 22:02able to withstand pressure. That's my own definition of
- 22:05resilience. I hope I'm not being
- 22:08misunderstood. No, I I get it and I'm asking
- 22:12you to consider. I'm not saying that.
- 22:15Oh, OK, OK, OK, yeah. And of course, you know, I, I'm
- 22:18trying to define properly what, in what context I'm using
- 22:21resilience. So the ability to adapt, you
- 22:24know, and drive through adversity, not just about.
- 22:28Right, right. So, so when you talk about
- 22:31paradigm shifts, when you talk about adaptation, you're talking
- 22:35about you have an existing paradigm and you can adapt
- 22:38within that paradigm and you can make that paradigm better where
- 22:42you can recover, you can do more of it, or you can do something
- 22:46different. What you've adapted, that's not
- 22:49what I'm talking about. OK, we're we're talking about
- 22:52two very different worlds. OK, you're talking about the
- 22:55world of improvement and improvements have a place.
- 22:59But when you talk about intentionally creating
- 23:02breakdowns, that's that's not an.
- 23:04So let's kind of walk through the process that you're talking
- 23:10about, that you're an expert on that has shaped businesses from,
- 23:17you know, the point where they're falling apart to the now
- 23:21they can thrive, Now they can thrive.
- 23:23Can you walk us through maybe a real life turn around story to
- 23:29where we're embracing chaos and it led to the extraordinary
- 23:33results? You know, let's talk about the
- 23:35breaking point, how we had to embrace chaos, strategic
- 23:39disruption, and obviously the results.
- 23:42But I think that's going to help a lot too.
- 23:45Give us some more insight. Give us a real life example of
- 23:49your plan in action. Sure.
- 23:52So improvements and that's the paradigm that we're given.
- 23:56We're given the paradigm where, OK, we want to make this better.
- 24:01If that doesn't work, we'll do it differently.
- 24:03And if that doesn't do, we'll just do more of what we've been
- 24:06doing and that will make it better.
- 24:07So it's it's taking what you know and stacking on that
- 24:12something more better or different.
- 24:14And so perhaps the best way to start the path of this
- 24:19conversation is the first thing for me to engage the two of you
- 24:23with a question. My question is, can you give me
- 24:26an example of something you both know?
- 24:30The alphabet. Great.
- 24:32Perfect. No, no, that's that's so
- 24:34perfect. It's just really simple,
- 24:36elegant. Do you want to add anything to
- 24:40that or something you know? I know nothing, I'm just no.
- 24:47Whoa. Alphabets are simple, OK, let's
- 24:49say numbers. Perfect.
- 24:52So you know numbers, you know the alphabet.
- 24:54We can comfortably say you both know how to speak English.
- 24:58So these are things that you know.
- 25:01Now give me an example of something you don't know and you
- 25:05know that you don't know it. I know that I don't know how to
- 25:11speak fluent German. Perfect, perfect.
- 25:15You want to copy that example? I know, I don't know the tribes
- 25:26that exist in Costa Rica, but I'd be.
- 25:29Perfect. Good.
- 25:31Well, and if, if Noella you wanted to learn German, there
- 25:35are resources, there are plenty of places you can go hire a a
- 25:40teacher. You know you can, you can learn
- 25:43German, you can go to Germany. There are many things.
- 25:46And if you want to know the tribes in Costa Rica, you can
- 25:50look it up on the Internet or you can go to Costa Rica and
- 25:56damn, what's the name of that tribe?
- 25:58I actually lived in Costa Rica. So there was a guy, I think he
- 26:03was trying to marry me off to a woman in one of these tribes
- 26:07because her husband died prematurely.
- 26:09So he was like, oh, this guy's a really good worker.
- 26:15Anyway, so now another example I'm going to ask the two of you
- 26:20to give me. This is an important one.
- 26:24Mm Hmm. Give me an example of something
- 26:27you don't know and you don't even know you don't know it
- 26:32nothing of. Course, I don't know that.
- 26:35I don't know it, so I don't know it.
- 26:39Because that's something that we would only have if we had an
- 26:45extended amount of awareness. So now we're at a point where
- 26:50we're talking about having no awareness of the subject or
- 26:56awareness of the gap or awareness of what would come
- 27:02after if we had awareness of either of those.
- 27:06Perfect. And that's is the domain of
- 27:09breakthroughs. So the domain of improvement
- 27:14happens where you don't know it and you know you don't know it.
- 27:18So you can go learn German, you can improve your knowledge, you
- 27:21can make improvements. The paradigm of breakthroughs,
- 27:26it's in the things you don't know, you don't know, and you
- 27:29don't even know you don't know it.
- 27:30So they are worlds apart. The language of that domain is
- 27:35not the same as improvement. So what One of the challenges
- 27:40and most breakthrough initiatives fail in
- 27:42organisations. Most people do not achieve
- 27:45breakthroughs because most people are taking the paradigm
- 27:49that we were given about adapting and more better,
- 27:53different, and they impose that and try to get to what they
- 27:58don't know, they don't know and don't even know they don't know
- 28:00it and it won't work. It's like trying to make a horse
- 28:06that flies as opposed to creating an entirely new
- 28:10paradigm of flying machines. You're both with me.
- 28:13You're both with me. I just, that's just a start.
- 28:16You you asked me for an example. Yeah, no, I'm definitely with
- 28:20you because I kind of want to give an example.
- 28:25Paradigm shifting, it's actually a topic for a lot of people who
- 28:29even study, not just in business or you know, any type of belief
- 28:34shifting or manifestation. And there's different spiritual
- 28:37work and things like that where paradigm shifting comes up.
- 28:41I had a coach at one point and she when she speaks about
- 28:45paradigm shifting, she is kind of saying we are so used to
- 28:50focusing on the things in the boat, which I guess would be
- 28:58beliefs, our beliefs. And then the actual paradigm is
- 29:01the actual boat. But if we're not, there's no way
- 29:06for us to be aware of what the boat is just by trying to bring
- 29:12more awareness to what's in the boat.
- 29:15OK. So it's, yeah, so should the the
- 29:20boat is like the context. Like if you had a bowl and then
- 29:23you put fruit in it, that's the content.
- 29:25But the bowl itself is the context.
- 29:27That holds. Content, right.
- 29:30So creating and sometimes creating a new context can work.
- 29:34And that could be a way that people say they reframed.
- 29:39What I'm getting at is there there is a there is a mindset in
- 29:45a language that's more analogous to running with broken legs.
- 29:48It's just counterintuitive. You don't just go break your
- 29:51legs and say I'm going to go run, right.
- 29:54Does it make sense? Except there's a a mindset and
- 29:57there's a guy named Steven Cotter.
- 29:58He's written a book, The Rise of Superman and Stealing Fire.
- 30:03And they're talking about the flow state.
- 30:05I do the two of you know what the flow state is.
- 30:08Yeah. OK, so one of the things that
- 30:11they learned is that when people are in the flow state, the
- 30:14frontal lobe shuts down. And that's the frontal lobe is
- 30:18like the conductor of the orchestra.
- 30:20It tells each part of the brain what to do.
- 30:23Well, if that shuts down and the rest of your brain is still
- 30:27performing and has you run with broken legs or has you do
- 30:30something in sports that you would describe as an outer body
- 30:34experience and you can't explain how you did it, You just did it.
- 30:39That's the the neuroscience that they've been studying and it's
- 30:44the frontal lobe that shuts down all you could say you're kind of
- 30:48your identity. The you that knows what you can
- 30:51and cannot do is no longer functioning in a flow state.
- 30:56So you don't know what your limits are.
- 30:58You don't know that you can't run with broken legs.
- 31:00You don't even consider that. And there are things that you
- 31:06know about yourself that you don't even know, that you don't
- 31:10know about yourself. There's so much you don't know
- 31:13about yourself. And we'll talk about that.
- 31:16So I can tell you. I can if you want, I can tell
- 31:21you 2 stories. 1 is how I became an accidental chief operating
- 31:25officer. That wasn't on purpose.
- 31:27It was, it was almost a joke that I did that.
- 31:31So I was, I was hired at a transportation logistics company
- 31:36as a salesman and in nine months I tripled my income and the
- 31:39other salesman were doing very well.
- 31:41So the company was now growing so fast that it was bursting at
- 31:45the seams. They could not, they couldn't
- 31:47manage the growth. And every week the there were
- 31:51two owners. One was the president, 1 was the
- 31:54CFOCFO was the money guy. And the president met with the
- 31:58sales force every week. And every week I was saying,
- 32:02hey, Mike, you know, if we take this guy in operations and put
- 32:07him here, and if we put this structure in, if we do this
- 32:10every week, I was making suggestions or right, what do
- 32:13you think if we do this? And one day he said, you know
- 32:15what? I'm sick of you telling me how
- 32:17to run my company. Do you think you can do a better
- 32:20job? And I said yes.
- 32:22And he laughed and he said, you know what?
- 32:25You know what, I'm going to just, I'm going to give you a
- 32:27chance to do that. I'll give you 30 days and then
- 32:3030 days if you don't do a better job than me.
- 32:33Never want to hear another word of you from you about how to run
- 32:37my company. So I said you have to do one
- 32:40thing, you have to, no one can go to you with their problems
- 32:44and you have to tell everyone I'm in charge and they can't go
- 32:47to you, they have to come to me. So he did that and in two weeks
- 32:52he said the job is yours, I don't need 30 days.
- 32:57And it's it's because I was stabilising.
- 33:02So you could see in two weeks that the tumultuous growth and
- 33:07sometimes we lost clients that started to calm down.
- 33:11Now I had an advantage because before that I was a sales
- 33:15trainer and as a sales trainer you do a lot of role-playing and
- 33:20we specifically trained people in the psychology of sales in
- 33:25dealing with acrimonious prospects.
- 33:27So how do you deal with conflict with a prospect and still close
- 33:31the deal? So where I started with my
- 33:35people and and also I was extracting from my parents
- 33:38death. So a lot of what I developed in
- 33:40my parents death was became now relevant.
- 33:44One of the things that I did was when people came to me, I didn't
- 33:49solve their problem the way the president did.
- 33:53I would ask them, what would you do if I wasn't here?
- 33:56You'd they go to, well, I'd go to Mike.
- 33:58Well, you can't do that any longer.
- 33:59So what would you do? And so we'd have a short
- 34:02conversation and I'd ask more questions and they'd go back and
- 34:06solve it themselves. And then they'd come to me and
- 34:08say, hey, I already know you're going to ask me this list of
- 34:11questions. I've already thought them
- 34:13through. And this is where I'm stuck.
- 34:15And either I ask another question, but I would engage
- 34:18them and they say, huh, I didn't think of that and they're gone.
- 34:21Simultaneously, I knew as a salesman that we made promises
- 34:25to clients and they were not always delivering on them.
- 34:29They were kind of laxed. So I raised the bar in
- 34:32accountability. Do you know what we promised
- 34:34this client? Do you know, why aren't we
- 34:36delivering that? Why aren't we delivering that?
- 34:38And they started taking that seriously.
- 34:41And instead of me going to them and asking why aren't you taking
- 34:44care of this client, they actually would come to me and
- 34:47say, I know you're going to ask about this, but I promise it's
- 34:49already handled. And then few things happened.
- 34:53They didn't come to me with problems because they developed
- 34:55their own capacity to solve problems and the promises to
- 34:59clients were now being exceeded on a consistent basis.
- 35:03And the other thing that was very important was the culture
- 35:08was a culture where we when we made a mistake, they would think
- 35:11up and they thought it was funny.
- 35:13I actually saw it. They would think up a lie to
- 35:16tell the client and they would spend all this time, you know
- 35:20what I told the client this time, Ha, ha, ha.
- 35:22I saw that as a salesman. I said from now on we tell the
- 35:26truth, we make a mistake. Whoever made the mistake, you
- 35:28call the client and you tell the client the error you made and
- 35:32how you are correcting it. And one woman laughed and said,
- 35:35and then we'll be out of business.
- 35:37So she started role-playing. She said, well, what if the
- 35:41client says this? What if this happens and we role
- 35:44played and she said, that doesn't sound like it's going to
- 35:47work, but you're the boss, I'll do what you said.
- 35:49And next week she said, well, it worked.
- 35:51That was luck. What if next time this happens?
- 35:55So there was a lot of role-playing and I would do it
- 35:58in front of everyone. And what it did is the
- 36:01role-playing gave them a new way of looking at managing problems
- 36:06with clients. And soon they didn't need me
- 36:09unless it was really an emergency.
- 36:12And when they said the client wants to speak to someone in
- 36:15charge, I'm like, no, what's the problem?
- 36:17Did you do this? Did you do that and they go
- 36:20handle it? Or sometimes you really do have
- 36:24to speak to the client and I would do it in front of them so
- 36:27that they could see how I handled it.
- 36:29And that way now they had a greater capacity for how to
- 36:33engage clients. I'm saying all this to say it's
- 36:38just saying we're going to be like a Nike commercial and just
- 36:41do it is not a great idea for creating breakthroughs.
- 36:44You really do have to coach your people up.
- 36:46You really have to train them to be able to handle what's
- 36:50happening now and what's possible in the future.
- 36:54So with that company, they went from coming to me asking for
- 36:58problems and then saying, I know you're going to ask these
- 37:01questions to hey, two weeks ago had this problem, partly our
- 37:05fault, partly the client's fault.
- 37:07Here's how I handled it. The client loved how we handled
- 37:10it so much that they picked up the phone and called one of
- 37:14their clients and sent one of their clients to us.
- 37:17Now my clients are selling for us because my operations team is
- 37:22like a special forces that can handle just about anything.
- 37:27Which now means that myself as a leader and the president are in
- 37:33a better position to go create new, new services for the
- 37:37clients and not be worried that our people won't be able to
- 37:40handle it. In fact, they will embrace it
- 37:43and say, you know, bring us more.
- 37:46So that transformed, you know, me as an accidental COO,
- 37:51Transform the culture, coached people up and, and, and I
- 37:56stabilised the company that was growing out of control and, and
- 37:59increased the growth rate and that allowed us to go after new
- 38:04kinds of clients that drove revenue and allowed us to like
- 38:07quadruple in revenue. So that wasn't our normal
- 38:13trajectory. We were actually on a course for
- 38:17we were going to crash and burn at the rate we were going.
- 38:20It was unsustainable, The growth we had, that's a great problem
- 38:24to have. It was just unsustainable.
- 38:26Amazing, amazing. I would say I'm going to kick it
- 38:32over to my Co host, go into the next section for for us, because
- 38:39I know that we are, it's about leaning into uncertainty, but
- 38:46it's also about paradigm shifting.
- 38:49So would you say that your expertise, if the company
- 38:54doesn't know what they don't know, that we leverage you
- 38:58finding that out or you leverage finding out what they don't know
- 39:02that they don't know and then you're training them on that?
- 39:06Sure. So part of it is what derails
- 39:10you. What are your blind spots?
- 39:13And so, you know, I've already mentioned how we have a language
- 39:17for adaptability and resilience and all those things.
- 39:21And we, we want to make that fit into a paradigm of intentional
- 39:24breakthroughs. Mm hmm.
- 39:30You in your past is what will get in the way.
- 39:33So had a client, guy was ACEO, Ivy League educated, definitely
- 39:39high IQ and running and running a great business.
- 39:44And it's growing really well. One of his challenges was to
- 39:51grow even faster into that next level and get him out of the
- 39:55weeds was he was going to have to hire someone who's maybe
- 40:00smarter than him or more capable as a leader so that he can step
- 40:06back and get stay at the helm of the wheel instead of being
- 40:09involved in operations. And what we found is what got in
- 40:13the way was an incident that happened when he was five years
- 40:17old. He's five years old.
- 40:19I think he's a middle child of three.
- 40:23And he's the only child in the car and his parents in the front
- 40:27seat, He's in the back. And his parents are having an
- 40:30argument. And the mother says stop the
- 40:32car. And she gets out the car.
- 40:33And she's really upset with the husband.
- 40:35And he's really angry with his father now.
- 40:38And he wants to save his mother. So he opens the door and runs
- 40:43out the car and crosses the street.
- 40:45And he told me he didn't even look to see if cars.
- 40:48He said he could have literally been run over but he didn't.
- 40:51So as a 5 year old his interpretation is I was a hero
- 40:57and my dad was a bully and I saved my mom from the bully by
- 41:03being the hero. What that turned him into as a
- 41:07leader was a hero in a bully because he's the guy who felt
- 41:14like he had to do everything. And so if he hired someone that
- 41:18was smart, he would micromanage them.
- 41:20He would technically be a bully to them.
- 41:23So he would be reliving this five year old in him.
- 41:27So he's aware that that incident happened, but he doesn't
- 41:32distinguish how it's running his life as a guy in his 50s.
- 41:39And even though he's highly intelligent, Ivy League educated
- 41:43and doing a good job, he's stifling the growth of the
- 41:47company to its next level. So what it allowed for is him to
- 41:52be able to bring on more qualified or higher performing
- 41:58people. And they were able to open a
- 42:01completely new division because this was a company that was
- 42:04manufacturing food, and they had for generations been
- 42:08manufacturing food under their own brand.
- 42:10They had their own brand. Well, they opened a new
- 42:13division. That was the breakthrough that
- 42:15they were now in Co manufacturing and making foods
- 42:19for other people under a completely different brand.
- 42:22It wasn't even their brand. They were just making it for
- 42:25someone who went out into the world and sold it.
- 42:28And that allowed them to take on that, allowed them to bring on
- 42:35about 20% and new revenues of untapped revenues that they
- 42:38never would have gotten and brought on the largest client
- 42:41they ever had in the company's history, which was about 90 year
- 42:44old company at the time. But that was a huge
- 42:47breakthrough. And what that breakthrough did
- 42:50is it allowed them to make products for others.
- 42:55So it created an entirely new R&D that allowed them to make
- 42:58things that their current equipment would have never made.
- 43:01And it was more profitable per square inch.
- 43:04So it and and they had a plant that was lying dormant that they
- 43:08didn't know what to do with. They were either going to sell
- 43:11it or something. But now in this place was a
- 43:14breakthrough in revenue was a breakthrough in products.
- 43:16And it also gave them a new name in the marketplace as as
- 43:20innovators. What it was was five year old
- 43:25incident that was holding him back.
- 43:28And most people don't see that. Most people, and I'll tell
- 43:31people up front, look, the five year old and you were still
- 43:34running your life and they'll say you're kidding.
- 43:36You know who I am. But when I take them, when I
- 43:39walk them through my, I call it a mindset technology.
- 43:43Mm hmm. When you walk them through the
- 43:44mindset technology, they start to distinguish and they can see
- 43:48how, Oh my God, this has been affecting my entire life and,
- 43:51and I just couldn't see it. So part of that, of what happens
- 43:55is that 5 year old will derail you when you start dealing with
- 44:00chaos, uncertainty, anything that reminds you of, of what
- 44:04happened in the past. And being aware of it just isn't
- 44:09enough. Because being aware doesn't give
- 44:13you the tools to actually go through it and be able to
- 44:15navigate and come out on the other side where it's no longer
- 44:19running your life. But before you have the tools,
- 44:23it's running your life and you're just aware that something
- 44:27happened. So awareness is in that paradigm
- 44:30of things you don't know and you know you don't know, and you can
- 44:34improve it. But in a paradigm of
- 44:38breakthroughs, it's possible to actually untrigger your triggers
- 44:43and you unlearn them. You reverse engineer and unlearn
- 44:47them. So this is no longer resilience.
- 44:50It's actually the capacity in real time to be able to
- 44:53navigate. You're not adapting, you're
- 44:56navigating something. And what derailed you in the
- 45:00past is not no longer derailing you.
- 45:02You're now in free. It's my value proposition
- 45:06ultimately to people is freedom and power.
- 45:08That's a lot of park right, but I want to talk about fear
- 45:14control and the cost of our burdens this.
- 45:18What was the last word? Fear, control and what?
- 45:20And the cost of avoidance? Avoidance.
- 45:24OK, yes. You talk about people's
- 45:28traumatic past haunting them and affecting, influencing their
- 45:37current behaviour, attitude, you know, patterns.
- 45:44And you reminded me of somebody that I know they lost a loved 1,
- 45:50you know, many years ago when we were younger and did not end up
- 45:56attending the funeral of that loved 1.
- 45:59And it sort of affected them, right?
- 46:03And they just thought in your head or discussing travel and
- 46:09that was the way to cope with the loss.
- 46:11Anytime you know talks about that person, but it brings back
- 46:17negative emotions, right? And this person now started
- 46:23using avoidance as a means of coping or stressful situations.
- 46:28And it has LED you like many delusional attitudes, which you
- 46:36know does not make sense. So how do you help such a person
- 46:39break free from that kind of? So if you're looking for a
- 46:46formula at there's there's no magic formula there's no magic
- 46:50wand. But yes, do many people do live
- 46:53a life of of avoiding yeah and that that death may have
- 46:58reminded them of something that may not be the source of it.
- 47:02So with the CEO where five years old, that was the source of what
- 47:07derailed him. So we had to get I'm interested
- 47:10in getting to the source. So I understand a loved one
- 47:14dying, but I would also want to understand if if that was a
- 47:21trigger to remind them of something that happened before
- 47:24that event. So we'd have to get to the
- 47:26source of that. But it's actually a good example
- 47:29in another way. So you said that if something
- 47:35happens that reminds them of the death of that person, they get
- 47:39any other. Thing or even any other thing,
- 47:42they just like to avoid, you know, the thought of difficult
- 47:46situations and like you cannot keep avoiding difficult
- 47:49situations. You know this?
- 47:51Yeah, the bull matador. What I'm saying is that when
- 47:56people often get upset or have fear, it's usually not what's in
- 48:02front of them. It's what it reminds them of and
- 48:05they relive the thing. So people are generally not
- 48:09upset with you. They're upset they're they're
- 48:12upset about their interpretation of you and what you remind them
- 48:16of. They may be aware with the head
- 48:19they think that that is that response is who they are.
- 48:25And they actually may have feelings because they're having
- 48:29an entire conversation with themselves about the thing they
- 48:33want to avoid. And I'm not going to let that
- 48:35happen again. And that conversation tells the
- 48:39brain to trigger neurochemicals like cortisone and other things.
- 48:43And now they say I feel bad and they're going to say, well, you
- 48:47made me feel bad. But it's really what they are
- 48:49saying to themselves that's the catalyst for all the
- 48:55neurochemicals that are being secreted.
- 48:57And so then people are stuck with, well, it doesn't feel
- 49:01right. It doesn't resonate.
- 49:02And it's like, I'm trying to avoid this, this thing.
- 49:06And, and you even ask people about intimate relationships and
- 49:10what are you committed to? What would you like in a
- 49:12relationship? And they can tell you, well, I
- 49:14can tell you everything I don't want.
- 49:16And if you think of it this way, if you're in a room, you point
- 49:19to any corner and say in that corner is everything you don't
- 49:22want. And the person is in that corner
- 49:25saying, I'm, I'm never going to let that stuff come out.
- 49:27But it's like in the other corner is everything you really
- 49:31want. But because you're focused on
- 49:33the corner that you don't want, you never actually get to the
- 49:36other corner. And then life begins to look
- 49:39hard and it looks like you can never have the things that you
- 49:41want because you're spending you're, you're spending all of
- 49:45your committed time to these things that you don't want.
- 49:49And so it becomes like a trap. I agree.
- 49:51Yeah, yeah. The mind is a complex tool, but
- 50:00it's I see this, you know, the mindset skill set, tool set,
- 50:04framework is my feelings with you.
- 50:08It's difficult to train with mindset.
- 50:10And that's why for me, as a founder, as the Ceoi just love
- 50:15to work with people that align with the mindset that I
- 50:21appreciate. Well, I don't know if it's
- 50:24difficult to to train mindset. I've heard people say that, but
- 50:29I don't know where that's written in stone.
- 50:33OK, think about this mindset, skill set, tool set, right?
- 50:40That is the order to me in my philosophy for collaborating
- 50:45with people, right? For bringing people on my team,
- 50:49right? Because in the past I've had to
- 50:52be very, very heavy for bringing on people that have a high skill
- 50:58set or poor mindset, right? And I realised that you can
- 51:05force a host to the stream or you can't force it to drink.
- 51:08And there are certain mindsets that are good for collaboration
- 51:15on certain projects, right? And it's not like certain people
- 51:20are not good people, but they don't have the required mindset
- 51:24to achieve certain difficult challenges, especially when they
- 51:30are not very much interested in it, right?
- 51:32You have to be passionate about what you're doing.
- 51:35But I'd like for you to speak to that philosophy, right?
- 51:38What do you think is easier to train?
- 51:41Is it easier to train the skill set or train a person to use a
- 51:44tool set or a mindset? Well for me I I have not found a
- 51:49lot of training people that are unwilling on mindset.
- 51:55OK, CAU querufala conchigueno to Reggie MO Vocepojeentendermi CEO
- 52:01now. Combo estas me amigos.
- 52:05No, no, I I did not speak to you in Spanish.
- 52:09What did you say? I don't know.
- 52:10I sounded like Spanish to me. I know it was Portuguese.
- 52:14Oh, I said if I forgot. I see.
- 52:18Yes, If I I said if I speak to you in another language, can you
- 52:22understand me? I dash making dollars.
- 52:26Right, exactly. And so it's the same for
- 52:30mindset. See, you don't speak Portuguese
- 52:33because no one gave you that language.
- 52:36You have the language that was given to you.
- 52:38And if you speak 5 languages, they still didn't give you
- 52:42Portuguese. Mm hmm.
- 52:44And if I would have said Ochimprat Napaz, Nakamitza,
- 52:46that's Russian for a pleasure to meet you.
- 52:48They didn't give you that either.
- 52:50But it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
- 52:53You just have what you were given.
- 52:55People have the mindset that they were given.
- 53:00And I've lived in the jungle with Mayan Indians.
- 53:03I've lived in the jungle with Costa Rica.
- 53:06I've, I've been to Greenland and Iceland.
- 53:08I, I've been to the Amazon and what I saw in all those places
- 53:14and many more in many states in the US, there's one human
- 53:18paradigm and everyone's been given the same paradigm.
- 53:22If you speak Mandarin, German, English or French or IBO, you
- 53:30still are going through the same human experience.
- 53:33And there's a language within that.
- 53:35And maybe there's a here's a way to express that.
- 53:39So I can have four basket 4 basketball players and one guy
- 53:46is really good on the playground.
- 53:48He plays in high school and he gets a lot of girls and he plays
- 53:52well, but he just doesn't make it to the NBA because when he
- 53:57plays, he says I'm going to get all the girls and he
- 54:01accomplishes that. The next guy says I'm going to
- 54:05make it to the NBA. So he trains to make it to the
- 54:08NBA, and he does. The next guy says I'm going to
- 54:12start in the NBA, and he trains. And this guy starts in the NBA.
- 54:20And the fourth guy says I'm going to break every record in
- 54:23the NBA. And that's where you get your
- 54:26Michael Jordan's and your LeBron James's.
- 54:29They're not saying I'm going to make it to the NBA.
- 54:32They're not saying I'm going to start.
- 54:34And they're not playing to chase the girls.
- 54:37They are training to break records.
- 54:40That's a mindset that's created, invented.
- 54:43It's it's there are lots of examples in the world where
- 54:47people invented a future that didn't exist.
- 54:50So for Michael Jordan to break records and saying that from
- 54:54high school, he's committing to a future that doesn't even
- 54:58exist. And so this is where those
- 55:02things from the past will say, well, you know, you can't do
- 55:06that and remember this or your your parents died and you, you
- 55:11for lots of reasons. But none of that mindset is just
- 55:16as nimble or malleable as water. So there's no such thing as
- 55:24someone who's stuck. And that's why when someone says
- 55:27to me transforming corporate culture, transforming mindset is
- 55:32difficult, or when people say change is hard, this is what I'm
- 55:36going to ask your listeners to hear.
- 55:39The only reality that exists is the one that you say exists.
- 55:44If you say change is hard, you will be right.
- 55:47As long as you think that way, you will go out of your way to
- 55:51change is hard. If you say it's hard to change
- 55:54corporate culture, you will be right.
- 55:58Now, I'm not saying you're going to just get up and go play in
- 56:02the NBA and break all records if you didn't train and prepare for
- 56:05that. So there is train, there is a
- 56:08commitment. If you're really committed to
- 56:10accomplishing something, what's the body of work required in
- 56:14that paradigm to prepare you to accomplish that?
- 56:17There are lots of examples where the facts of life existed
- 56:21before. Do you guys know who a guy by
- 56:24the name of Roger Bannister is? You should know Eddemola.
- 56:28Roger Bannister. Roger Bannister.
- 56:30That name rings a bell. So what he's known for.
- 56:35Yeah, I don't. Can't Google it.
- 56:36No cheating. I don't, I don't know him.
- 56:38It rings a bell, but definitely I I'm not a cheater.
- 56:41I really can't remember what he's known for, but I know I've
- 56:43heard that name before that. I have one.
- 56:46He's a no for. British guy.
- 56:48He's a British guy who's the first one to run the mile in
- 56:51under 4 minutes and before him, and he did that in 1956.
- 56:55Before that, the scientific fact was it's humanly impossible to
- 57:00run the mile in under 4 minutes. Humanly impossible.
- 57:04The world record for the mile is 3 minutes and 43 seconds.
- 57:08It's the same mile. So he had to break from all the
- 57:14conversations that said it's humanly impossible and train and
- 57:19do things that allowed for 359. And when he ran a 359 shortly
- 57:26after quite a few other guys ran it.
- 57:28But that from 1956 to, I forget when the current record was
- 57:33made, 2000 something to go from 4 minutes to 343, that's 17
- 57:40seconds. You can't imagine how much
- 57:42distance is in 17 seconds in a mile.
- 57:46That's huge. And they believed that it was
- 57:49humanly impossible. See, as long as they believed it
- 57:53was humanly impossible, people trained to run horrible minutes.
- 57:58Four O 1. There's a guy, 15 year old boy
- 58:01in Australia running under 4 minutes now.
- 58:04I'm laughing because I'm I've never been able to ride it in
- 58:07less or 4 minutes. No, that's, that's good, that's
- 58:14good, that's good. If you can run a mile and for
- 58:18anything, even for 459 is still it's that's not competitive, but
- 58:23it's you're in shape to run it that fast.
- 58:26Yeah. Sure, I ran.
- 58:27I used to do 5 minutes plus for, you know, overtime, yeah,
- 58:30Started going below 5 minutes, yeah.
- 58:33Yeah, yeah. If you train, if you train,
- 58:36yeah, you have to train for that.
- 58:38That's not you just woke up one day, you're smoking a cigarette
- 58:41and got to have the beer on the other hand, and it's like I'm
- 58:43going to go run a 4 minute mile. Yeah, yeah, man, hold my beer.
- 58:48I got it. Do do you know the interesting
- 58:49thing, Noela? Should we tell him?
- 58:52Should we tell him? Right?
- 58:54She I think we were just randomly speaking earlier today
- 58:57and I took up a challenge. I told her I will do 5
- 59:01kilometres in about 30 minutes. I actually thought it was a joke
- 59:05and I stood up and did it. Yes or no?
- 59:09Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 59:10Yeah. Yeah, it's that that.
- 59:12That is the I I love fitness. I love fitness.
- 59:15It's it's good to be feet and you know, I believe you're
- 59:18physically feet and mentally fit right Goes a long way.
- 59:22Right. Absolutely.
- 59:23Yeah. I've had CEOs tell me that they
- 59:27still work out. These are retired guys.
- 59:29They talk about the importance of being physically fit.
- 59:33So yeah. So do do you get what I'm
- 59:37saying? It's like, as long as you say
- 59:39it's hard, as long as you say it can't be done, you'll be right.
- 59:44And I'm not saying like it's not like a pipe dream.
- 59:49Do do you guys know who Yeah, Robert Goddard is?
- 59:55You ever hear that name? Robert Goddard.
- 59:57Robert. Goddard.
- 1:00:02I did a long time ago, like 100 years ago.
- 1:00:05I know my Goddard, No Robert Goddard.
- 1:00:09So So in the 1920s, Guy, an aeronautics engineer, said one
- 1:00:15day man will fly to the moon. And the New York Times wrote an
- 1:00:19article saying criticising him, calling him an idiot and he
- 1:00:23didn't have the intelligence of an elementary school child and
- 1:00:26blah blah blah. No, the guy's an engineer. 1960
- 1:00:29they had to write another article to apologise.
- 1:00:33What what he said was one day man will fly to the moon.
- 1:00:37It sounded ridiculous and it can't be done.
- 1:00:41And so he declared this future that did not exist.
- 1:00:47And as a nation, we we grew into it and made it happen.
- 1:00:54But we had to train and develop, but we had to develop technology
- 1:00:59that allowed for it to happen. So it's not an airy fairy pipe
- 1:01:03dream. And this is what people need to
- 1:01:06be able to distinguish. So if I told you I'm going to
- 1:01:11build a machine to fly to Mars next month, that would be a pipe
- 1:01:15dream because there's nothing in my past to support that.
- 1:01:21You just. Haven't prepared and trained
- 1:01:22myself for that. You better be of somebody.
- 1:01:25You reminded me of somebody, OK, when I was back in Nigeria, I
- 1:01:31had this right. And I used to tell them I I want
- 1:01:35you to get that impression of yourself.
- 1:01:37Like I used to try to push them. OK, Try to do this.
- 1:01:40Take this course, you know, read this book and you know, one day
- 1:01:44the person that's in me, that's it.
- 1:01:49Thank you very much for always trying to encourage me, right.
- 1:01:53But what if I don't want to be a better virtual myself?
- 1:01:57Like stop stressing me like I'm I'm not interested.
- 1:02:01I don't want to be better. Like I'm OK where I'm at.
- 1:02:04And then, you know, it hit me, hit me hard that you can force
- 1:02:12off us to the stream. You can't foresee the drink.
- 1:02:14And so me, it made me realise that you cannot help a person
- 1:02:20who is not willing to help themselves.
- 1:02:23But what would you say about that kind of mindset?
- 1:02:26There's a fixed mindset and there's a growth mindset.
- 1:02:29That's a really important question.
- 1:02:31So there was a company that did do research on people who were
- 1:02:35engaged in workshops doing breakthroughs and, and those who
- 1:02:40avoided it, those who went through it.
- 1:02:42And what they found is that there were quite a few people
- 1:02:47who would prefer to not have the breakthrough because they
- 1:02:52thought it would say in the past, like, I must have been
- 1:02:56really dumb. Like how could I not have known
- 1:03:00this in the past? So they'd rather avoid having
- 1:03:04that conversation, which would question.
- 1:03:07So let's say they walked around and said, I'm really a smart
- 1:03:10person and you can't tell me anything.
- 1:03:12And then they have a breakthrough.
- 1:03:13It's like, Oh my God, I wasn't smart after all.
- 1:03:17And and that could leave them saying, even though I had a
- 1:03:20breakthrough, maybe I'm still not smart.
- 1:03:22So people are left with this conversation in the human
- 1:03:26paradigm. Look at it this way.
- 1:03:29People really want two things in life.
- 1:03:33Well, they want to survive, right?
- 1:03:35And one way to survive is to look good or avoid looking bad.
- 1:03:40And if I have a breakthrough that makes me look bad because I
- 1:03:43was not very bright in the past and maybe I'm not bright now,
- 1:03:47it's I'm going to look bad if I have a breakthrough and it and
- 1:03:52it's not that the world sees you that way.
- 1:03:54It's how you see yourself. Would you say that that what
- 1:03:57you're describing right now, mostly the human paradigm, is
- 1:04:02why leaders are still reluctant to confront internal
- 1:04:07breakthroughs? Or do you think there is maybe
- 1:04:10more reason to that? No, that, that's a big one.
- 1:04:15So, you know, I'm the CEO, I'm supposed to have the answers.
- 1:04:17I'm really smart, I'm well accomplished.
- 1:04:19And why would I need a breakthrough?
- 1:04:22I'm already at the top of the food chain, so it's my people so
- 1:04:28and I've actually seen this like really happen.
- 1:04:30I used to do CEO roundtables and I invited current CE OS and
- 1:04:35their your revenues had to be between 100 million and a
- 1:04:38billion dollars. And then I would invite usually
- 1:04:41former CE OS, retired CE OS of Fortune 5 hundreds.
- 1:04:45And I've had former CE OS of Chase Bank, Dun and Bradstreet,
- 1:04:48Xerox Hires hotel and casinos. I've had chairman of the New
- 1:04:52York Stock Exchange. So when you bring those really
- 1:04:55heavy hitters to sit down and talk shop about CEO, you get to
- 1:04:59talk about really important things.
- 1:05:02And I had Aceo, who was still, you know, I had him come in to
- 1:05:07talk in the round table and he was still the CEO of a Fortune
- 1:05:11500. Said he had the skill of turning
- 1:05:15companies around and he had the other skill, which was to drive
- 1:05:18revenue. He said most CE OS are one or
- 1:05:20the other and he said he had both.
- 1:05:22And he was brought into a company that was underperforming
- 1:05:26and he got rid of a bunch of people and brought in quite a
- 1:05:29few of his own and it still didn't transform the culture.
- 1:05:33So then he hired an outside consulting firm and said, fix my
- 1:05:36people, they need to be transformed.
- 1:05:39And it wasn't working. So company he brought in said,
- 1:05:43hey, would you consider you transforming first before we get
- 1:05:48the people say, Oh no, no, no, I'm the CEO, I don't need that
- 1:05:52man. You have to understand I'm
- 1:05:54really accomplished. And they convinced him if you do
- 1:05:59it, then that will send us very powerful message to the rest of
- 1:06:05the organisation. So he gave in and he said when
- 1:06:08he transformed, the rest of the company just went right with
- 1:06:12him. And he said it was such a
- 1:06:14valuable lesson that whenever he wanted to go in and transform an
- 1:06:19organisation, he knew that he had to transform himself first
- 1:06:24before he could transform the rest of the company.
- 1:06:26So people are often God, they're walking around with a
- 1:06:33conversation about how great they are.
- 1:06:38And I'm not saying this is all, but sometimes that can hide
- 1:06:44things that you don't want others to see about you.
- 1:06:48And if you admit to transforming, it may be
- 1:06:53admitting to the things that you're hiding from people.
- 1:06:56You follow me on that? Yeah.
- 1:06:59And, and now you're shooting yourself in the foot because
- 1:07:03you're hiding and you, you think there's something wrong.
- 1:07:06And, and maybe I'll give you a great example of, of an
- 1:07:08entrepreneur, a person who had a really good company.
- 1:07:13And one day she said, Ted, why do I always have to be right?
- 1:07:18I said, well, maybe when you're about 5 years old, you gave the
- 1:07:21wrong answer. She said, Oh my God, yes, yes.
- 1:07:25I was five years old in the dentist's office in the waiting
- 1:07:30area with my mom. And there were other kids with
- 1:07:32their mom. And the dentist came out and he
- 1:07:35said, hi, children, who knows what this is?
- 1:07:37And I don't know whatever that was, but he said, who knows what
- 1:07:41this is? And she said, I know, I know.
- 1:07:44And she said, that's Bah, Bah, Bah.
- 1:07:46And he said, Nope. And she doesn't even know what
- 1:07:51happens after that because all she could think was I was so
- 1:07:56stupid. I was so embarrassing.
- 1:07:59I gave the wrong answer. And now she's sitting there
- 1:08:03feeling bad about herself. And she she made a promise.
- 1:08:08I'll never let myself feel that way again.
- 1:08:11So now you put her in a situation and she's ready to
- 1:08:15fight to be right because she wants to avoid that five year
- 1:08:19old incident. And most I want to say all
- 1:08:23people have that, that they don't know that it's running
- 1:08:28their life. And I'm talking to this woman
- 1:08:30and now she's 45, also Ivy League educated.
- 1:08:34And can you guess what her occupation was?
- 1:08:39A lawyer? Yep, trial lawyer.
- 1:08:45And and you know what? If you wanted a lawyer to defend
- 1:08:48you, she was going to be right. She was going to fight to the
- 1:08:51death for you. She was going to be right.
- 1:08:54She went to a top school and and learned everything.
- 1:08:59And she comes out to know the law, but known as a president,
- 1:09:04CEO of a company leading that way was crushing her people.
- 1:09:08It was almost like she was a samurai.
- 1:09:10And she just cut everyone's head off.
- 1:09:12So so people have this is what gets in a way of creating
- 1:09:18breakthroughs. There's this thing that you want
- 1:09:21to avoid and it's looking bad. So the way she survived in the
- 1:09:27world was to be right. Now, what was interesting, and
- 1:09:31it usually has two sides to it. If you put her in a in a
- 1:09:35conversation about finance, for example, she knew nothing about
- 1:09:40finance and she couldn't fight you to be right.
- 1:09:43And so in the moment, that conversation is too much for
- 1:09:47her. It's like clockwork.
- 1:09:50She would say, my tummy hurts, I don't feel good, I want to go
- 1:09:56eat. And she would literally sound
- 1:09:58like a 5 year old. This is a 45 year old sharp,
- 1:10:02very good attorney who now shrank to the five year old in
- 1:10:05the dentist's office because she can't be right about finance.
- 1:10:10So it's either fight to the death to to be right or you fake
- 1:10:13that I don't feel good and my tummy hurts and I want to go
- 1:10:16home and and this is what's running the world.
- 1:10:23I have very, very lawyers as friends and you know it.
- 1:10:26It was a very, very easy guess. Like many of these guys, people
- 1:10:30fight you to the right. And of course, you know, like
- 1:10:33have had the opportunity to speak, you know, on a very
- 1:10:36personal level with them. I went to university.
- 1:10:39That is considered the habit of Nigeria.
- 1:10:42So like we had multidisciplinaries, right?
- 1:10:46So even though I started economics, I had roommates that
- 1:10:49were lawyers and you know, we used to have a lot of
- 1:10:52conversations involved like that, right?
- 1:10:54And I love something that you said, which actually I reached
- 1:10:58to something he said in the session earlier today and I was
- 1:11:03smiling, right? Talking about leading by
- 1:11:07example, transforming yourself, threats.
- 1:11:09I spoke about a partner I had a PwC highly, highly respected
- 1:11:15guy, Tony Radile gay. He's been on this podcast with
- 1:11:18more and he he taught us something and he has this
- 1:11:24quotable quote that has been with me for the I will be with
- 1:11:28you for the rest of my life. He says what is important is not
- 1:11:33the example of your power. What is important is the power
- 1:11:37of the example. So it's important as one is the
- 1:11:40by example. Yeah.
- 1:11:47So in the current paradigm that we're given, like you're given
- 1:11:53English in whatever your language is this this looking
- 1:11:59good and avoiding looking bad and surviving by being right and
- 1:12:05other things. In that paradigm, when we want
- 1:12:09to create a breakthrough, what derails us are all these
- 1:12:13conversations that we inherit. So that woman in the dentist's
- 1:12:18office never looked embarrassing.
- 1:12:19She was not stupid, but her interpretation of what occurred
- 1:12:23had her see herself in that way and not never want to experience
- 1:12:27that again. Right.
- 1:12:30And we, we know these things happen in our lives, but they
- 1:12:34become like mines in the minefield, like they blow up and
- 1:12:38they, they derail us and we have no way of dismantling them.
- 1:12:42So we have an entire language that supports us in this
- 1:12:45paradigm and tells us how to deal with these situations.
- 1:12:50It's almost like everyone has a radio station playing in their
- 1:12:55head that they cannot turn off. And it's telling them that looks
- 1:13:00stupid or that was your dad was a bully or you're the hero for
- 1:13:05doing that. And so we have all these
- 1:13:07conversations and they shape our actions.
- 1:13:10They tell us what we can and cannot do and we're left at the
- 1:13:14effect of it. And even though we know these
- 1:13:16incidences have occurred in our lives, we don't have the tools
- 1:13:21to dismantle them and unlearn them.
- 1:13:23So we're stuck. And what what you're left with
- 1:13:26is a conversation is this is who I am.
- 1:13:28This is just the way I am, and it is what it is.
- 1:13:32And So what I'm asserting that nothing is what it is.
- 1:13:36There's an interpretation. And there's a radio station that
- 1:13:39plays that tells you who you are, what you can and cannot do.
- 1:13:44And then it says, go create a breakthrough.
- 1:13:47And as soon as a problem shows up that's unfamiliar to you,
- 1:13:52it's easy to say, well, this doesn't resonate with me.
- 1:13:55I'm not cut out for this. I'm not meant to be a leader.
- 1:13:58There are all kinds of things that that people come up with.
- 1:14:01It's like, see, here we go again.
- 1:14:03This is like being in a dentist's office.
- 1:14:05I don't know what I'm doing. And so it becomes very difficult
- 1:14:09to break out to have a paradigm shift when when the rules of the
- 1:14:14paradigm you're in and keeps you in the paradigm.
- 1:14:19And it from the examples that you've been sharing, you've
- 1:14:24shared a few of them now, it sounds like sometimes the
- 1:14:28paradigm is created based off of either trying to stay away from
- 1:14:36a certain emotion or maybe even move towards a certain emotion
- 1:14:40depending on the paradigm, you know, depending on the person.
- 1:14:44So would you say that or how would you say that emotional
- 1:14:50intelligence overall? Because I guess it seems like
- 1:14:56the root of it has to do with emotions and how we're feeling.
- 1:15:00And so we're running our whole lives either trying to avoid a
- 1:15:03feeling we felt as a very young child or trying to find more
- 1:15:07things that make us feel that way, depending on what happened.
- 1:15:10How would you say emotional intelligence intersects with the
- 1:15:16work you do as or with disruptive strategy?
- 1:15:20So when we're moving towards going into the chaos, we said,
- 1:15:23OK, we're not going to operate in paradigms anymore.
- 1:15:28How do we use emotional intelligence to navigate that?
- 1:15:34I think you will not like my answer.
- 1:15:37That's OK. So the the quick and dirty
- 1:15:43answer to your question is it's irrelevant.
- 1:15:46OK. And I guess my next question is
- 1:15:51why, like how or why or how, like a why?
- 1:15:53Or why does emotional intelligence or the connection
- 1:15:59with our emotions not matter at all when we're moving through
- 1:16:04it, or when? You're go ahead or when?
- 1:16:10When we are, I would say, I guess all I'm trying to say is
- 1:16:17release from our old emotions or our old emotional ties in order
- 1:16:21to move through chaos and build this empowerment that we have to
- 1:16:26move through things we've never been through before.
- 1:16:30Right. So what you're still doing is
- 1:16:33you're using the current paradigm to help you get into a
- 1:16:37new paradigm. OK.
- 1:16:39That's that's like stacking more of what you already know and no
- 1:16:43one expecting it to be to get you into the things you don't
- 1:16:46know you don't know. I think I'd like to drop
- 1:16:50something from the scientific perspective, you know, using
- 1:16:54neurology, right, Neuroscience. You spoke about how the frontal
- 1:16:59lobe, you know, which is actually responsible for judge
- 1:17:03pad, you know, in the brain and you have a prefrontal cortex,
- 1:17:08for example, right? And you know, all of the parts
- 1:17:11of the front of the lobe are responsible for cognitive, you
- 1:17:14know, behaviour and judgement and decision making.
- 1:17:19So in these paradigm shifts, we tend to use the subconscious
- 1:17:26mindset, right? The subconscious mind is what is
- 1:17:29at least activated. And you know, you, you sort of
- 1:17:32have like a shutdown of the frontal lobe, right?
- 1:17:35So if you're still using the frontal lobe, you or use, you're
- 1:17:39transitioning from what you know to try to, you know, know what
- 1:17:43you don't know or something, right.
- 1:17:44I, I think that's just what I will drop to the table in order
- 1:17:48to sweeten this conversation up. You are the expert, you are the
- 1:17:51pro. I'm the Joe.
- 1:17:52I'm just, you know, putting my thoughts out there.
- 1:17:56If you notice, you haven't heard me use the word subconscious
- 1:17:59once, or the word ego or consciousness not once.
- 1:18:04That's still the old paradigm. And you're attempting to use all
- 1:18:07the knowledge and the old paradigm to make a quantum leap,
- 1:18:10to make a greater breakthrough, and it just doesn't work that
- 1:18:15way. Those are things that you know.
- 1:18:17You're attempting to use what you know.
- 1:18:19Our education system is not good at getting people into the
- 1:18:24domain of things you don't know you don't know.
- 1:18:26We're also not good at helping people distinguish between
- 1:18:30thinking and having thoughts. Most people think it's a matter
- 1:18:34of semantics. They are the same thing, and we
- 1:18:36can come back to that. But let's deal with Noella's
- 1:18:39question. So what's the source of emotion?
- 1:18:42All thoughts are based on beliefs, or our feelings are
- 1:18:45based on our thoughts, which are based on our internal beliefs.
- 1:18:49So can you have a belief without a conversation?
- 1:18:52Yes. OK, give me an example of a
- 1:18:56belief that is not a conversation.
- 1:18:58So if you, if I believe that I am alive or I believe that I am
- 1:19:06clean or like I believe my body is clean or something like that,
- 1:19:10or you can have a belief about yourself or the world around
- 1:19:16you, I guess based off of your own perception.
- 1:19:19So perceptional beliefs. So if you say I am clean or I am
- 1:19:25alive, is that a conversation? So I think in this context.
- 1:19:28Is. I don't believe so.
- 1:19:31So if you say a sentence, you're saying so are we having a
- 1:19:36conversation? Yes.
- 1:19:41And is the conversation the result of words being put in a
- 1:19:46certain order and we call it a sentence?
- 1:19:49Yes. OK, so how do you have a belief
- 1:19:54without a conversation? So I'm asking here conversation
- 1:19:58with oneself, is that also? In the equation or you're
- 1:20:03talking about conversation with outer beings.
- 1:20:08Well, if you say I'm clean to yourself, the words never came
- 1:20:12out of your mouth. What?
- 1:20:12You just had a conversation with yourself, correct?
- 1:20:15Yes. OK, so that's why, that's why
- 1:20:18I'm. Observation.
- 1:20:19You know, distinguishing, Yeah. No, I didn't.
- 1:20:22I didn't say self observation, I said a conversation.
- 1:20:26OK. Your belief?
- 1:20:28A belief that I am clean, I am alive.
- 1:20:30Those are all conversations you can have with yourself or you
- 1:20:33can have with someone else you have with anyone, but they're
- 1:20:38they're conversations. Those are, you could say another
- 1:20:42word is those are thoughts that you have, right?
- 1:20:44But to have a thought, you're having thoughts in a in the
- 1:20:47context of a conversation. OK.
- 1:20:50Correct. Yes.
- 1:20:52Good. So when I asked what's the
- 1:20:54source of emotion, you said beliefs, right?
- 1:20:57And and I'm, I want to get it down to what's actually there.
- 1:21:04And the belief is a conversation you have about something
- 1:21:08yourself, right, the world. And so if you have a
- 1:21:12conversation and and it's really great that you said it because
- 1:21:16that's that's where it is. If you have a conversation with
- 1:21:19yourself that says I am clean, there may be certain
- 1:21:23neurochemicals, your body secrets.
- 1:21:26If you have a conversation with yourself that says, like the
- 1:21:30lawyer in the dentist's office that I am dumb, I'm stupid, it
- 1:21:33you're probably going to secrete cortisol and you're going to
- 1:21:37have this experience, this feeling of stress, you can get
- 1:21:40that right. So if instead of her saying in
- 1:21:46the dentist's office that I'm embarrassing, I was stupid and
- 1:21:51I'll never let that happen again.
- 1:21:53If she so that those conversations told the brain,
- 1:22:00this is not good, something you want to avoid and this is
- 1:22:04stressful and let's secrete cortisol.
- 1:22:07But if instead she would have said, Oh my God, this is such a
- 1:22:10great opportunity. And I'm not saying it in
- 1:22:13positive thinking, but if you said wow, I just learned
- 1:22:15something new today, would she have secreted cortisol?
- 1:22:20Not necessarily. Probably not if 'cause she's not
- 1:22:25giving. So if she's the body, that
- 1:22:26instruction. Exactly.
- 1:22:29She's not giving her brain the instruction and her brain will
- 1:22:33then say tell the body what to secrete.
- 1:22:36Mm hmm. If the conversation was what
- 1:22:42actually occurred, she secrets cortisol.
- 1:22:45If she said, wow, this was such a great learning opportunity,
- 1:22:48perhaps she could have secreted dopamine and it would have felt
- 1:22:51great that I just learned something new.
- 1:22:54Hey, mommy, look, I just learned something new.
- 1:22:56You know what that is? And so instead of me wanting to
- 1:23:01deal with the feeling, and I know the source is the
- 1:23:04conversation you have, and then we can go back and reverse
- 1:23:08engineer where the the sort of genesis of that conversation and
- 1:23:14then see that what actually happened is very, very distinct
- 1:23:21from the story you made your interpretation of what happened.
- 1:23:25So what happened is you're in the dentist office in the
- 1:23:29waiting area with your mom. Other children are there with
- 1:23:31their mom. The dentist comes out, he opens
- 1:23:34the door and says, children, do you know what this is?
- 1:23:36I said, oh, oh, I know. And I said X and he said no,
- 1:23:41that's what happened. At no point did anything
- 1:23:46embarrassing stupid. It never ever happened.
- 1:23:50That is your interpretation. That's a whole story and
- 1:23:53sometimes from some people write an entire novel about what they
- 1:23:58think happened and how they want to avoid it.
- 1:24:00That the conversation in that story is what's secreting the
- 1:24:07biochemicals. So if we can like, confront that
- 1:24:13and see the story you made and then have it as a distinction,
- 1:24:17this is what actually happened. This is the story I made-up.
- 1:24:20And now I can distinguish myself as a human being from the story
- 1:24:24and what happened. I'm no longer stuck with the
- 1:24:28story running my life. And I'm going to say whether
- 1:24:33it's marriage, whether it's people avoiding breakthrough
- 1:24:36initiatives, whether it's leaders avoiding transformation,
- 1:24:40it's the story that people are avoiding.
- 1:24:44They're not. And they have no way of dealing
- 1:24:47with it. They are aware that the event
- 1:24:49occurred, but they have no distinctions for being able to
- 1:24:55reverse engineer and be able to dismantle it and no longer be
- 1:24:59stuck. So once you can distinguish the
- 1:25:02story, you now have something that you may have never had in
- 1:25:06your life is a choice. Do I want to continue to live
- 1:25:10with the story or am I going to live with what actually
- 1:25:14happened? And you'll soon start to see how
- 1:25:17that story has shaped other things in your life.
- 1:25:21And it was kind of a a trap. So it's not the emotion, it's
- 1:25:25the actual conversation that you made-up that became the catalyst
- 1:25:31for the emotion. So if I only deal with the
- 1:25:33emotion, I'm dealing with a symptom.
- 1:25:37And so maybe I have to wait. People talk about how do you
- 1:25:40hack your brain or have to make positive conversations to feel
- 1:25:44good, to kind of cover up the story so that the story doesn't
- 1:25:48bother me. But if I can actually confront
- 1:25:51it and deal with it, the story begins to actually lose its
- 1:25:56power. And now, and I have the power to
- 1:25:59act. Yeah.
- 1:26:00Absolutely, Absolutely. So at no point did I talk about
- 1:26:04emotional intelligence. I know it sounds harsh to say
- 1:26:07it's irrelevant, but I really want to get to the source of it
- 1:26:10because my commitment is that people are free from the past
- 1:26:15and they have the power to move forward.
- 1:26:17And so if you don't deal with that, then you have to be
- 1:26:22resilient. But if you can deal with that,
- 1:26:25then you can go through it. And it's not this monkey on your
- 1:26:28back that wants to derail you. You can go through.
- 1:26:32Here's the punchline. Chaos is not chaos.
- 1:26:37Mm hmm. It's something occurring.
- 1:26:41It's something happening. What you say about what's
- 1:26:46happening can be the story that derails you.
- 1:26:51So what we are talking about now is self mastery.
- 1:26:57We're not talking about creating a superhuman being because
- 1:27:00things happen in life, right? I mean, I lost my parents,
- 1:27:04right? People have lost jobs.
- 1:27:06They've people have had all kinds of situations they don't
- 1:27:09want to be in. So it's not saying we're
- 1:27:12ignoring the things that happened, but it's given you
- 1:27:16power in your own life over about what happened so that when
- 1:27:23something happens that reminds you of it, you're not stuck with
- 1:27:27the story derailing you. And so now you have this level
- 1:27:32of mastery that allows you to go on what people typically call
- 1:27:36chaos. And you can see like this
- 1:27:40opening for a set of actions that will support you to get
- 1:27:45where you want. It's like for the average
- 1:27:47person, if you want to play baseball and that ball's coming
- 1:27:50at you 100 miles an hour, it's just like what just happened.
- 1:27:53It just like it just kind of looks chaotic.
- 1:27:56You don't know what to do with the ball coming that fast.
- 1:27:58But a guy who's trained for that, he has distinctions for
- 1:28:03that ball and he can see the threads and he knows which way
- 1:28:08the threads are turning and he knows what kind of pitch it is.
- 1:28:11And there are guys who see the ball coming and before it even
- 1:28:15gets to them, they're saying that ball has home run written
- 1:28:19all over it. That's mine.
- 1:28:22And that's so it's creating that kind of mindset.
- 1:28:26Not a pipe dream, not airy fairy, just do it.
- 1:28:29There is a training, there's development.
- 1:28:31It's, it's all of that, but it's actually being able to see
- 1:28:35openings for actions where other people see their story that
- 1:28:40derails them and they they haven't been able to confront,
- 1:28:44dismantle and unlearn the story. So we finally got to the punch
- 1:28:50line of chaos. Absolutely.
- 1:28:53Why? It's not really chaos.
- 1:28:55Yes, yes, yes. The goal of the goal is not the
- 1:29:01goal itself by the person you become in the process of
- 1:29:05achieving the goal. Really good yeah the journey is
- 1:29:10can be more valuable than the final destination.
- 1:29:13So chaos is never chaos. It's something that's occurring,
- 1:29:17something happening like a 2 year old wanting to tie their
- 1:29:21shoes. It could look chaotic, but for a
- 1:29:2310 year old, it's no big deal. And if you're 20 and you're
- 1:29:28having fits over your shoe string coming loose, people
- 1:29:31start to have questions. You're 20 man, and you're,
- 1:29:34you're freaking out over your shoe having to tie your shoe
- 1:29:37string. My shoe string always go.
- 1:29:39I can't tie my shoe strings. That's why I need Velcro.
- 1:29:45I need a block off. Job to say that and we'll join
- 1:29:50back soon. Wow.
- 1:29:52OK. It's just so deep.
- 1:29:54It's as deep and, you know, I appreciate your, would I say
- 1:30:00unconventional philosophy. It's difficult for people to
- 1:30:04understand the unconventional, right, or to appreciate the
- 1:30:08unconventional. If you don't understand it, how
- 1:30:10can you even appreciate it, right?
- 1:30:12And. How?
- 1:30:16Yeah. If you don't understand me, that
- 1:30:20you stand under me. You know, like lately in my
- 1:30:23life, I have decided to ignore like a lot of people and not
- 1:30:32give, you know, people too much attention.
- 1:30:36Why? Because I discovered that there
- 1:30:40are a lot of low IQ individuals. And when I was a teenager, I, I
- 1:30:45took the IQ test and I was a gifted individual.
- 1:30:50Albert Einstein 446. I am 130 something that is as a
- 1:30:55teenager. I don't even know what I am
- 1:30:56right now. I think I need to take the test
- 1:30:58again, right? So I guess I should probably be
- 1:31:03in the warm 40s or 80s. I don't know.
- 1:31:05But I know I have a very high IQ.
- 1:31:07But one thing I've noticed over time is whenever I am speaking
- 1:31:11to low IQ individuals, there's always a very serious mismatch
- 1:31:17and they can't understand what I'm saying.
- 1:31:21I don't understand the the logic behind what they're trying to,
- 1:31:26you know, argue about. Because you know, in philosophy
- 1:31:30there's something called logic, right argumentation and critical
- 1:31:33news, then right. For you to compose a solid
- 1:31:37argument, you need to have a string of logical premises
- 1:31:42before arriving at a logical conclusion.
- 1:31:45If the premises are flawed, then you have a flawed argument.
- 1:31:50But people, a lot of people right that are low I key
- 1:31:54individuals string together illogical premises to miss your
- 1:31:59conclusion. And then he's be confused.
- 1:32:01I'm like, OK, I give up. If they say anything, I I'll
- 1:32:04talk. OK, no problem.
- 1:32:06I think so. Here's here's here's here's a
- 1:32:10here's a challenge with that. Imagine we're back nine, 2100
- 1:32:13years ago. It's 1925, and we meet a guy
- 1:32:17named Robert Goddard who says we're gonna fly, man, to the
- 1:32:20moon. And it's like, well, just 20
- 1:32:21years ago, we just started flying, and now you're saying
- 1:32:24we're going to fly to the moon. And so that would sound
- 1:32:28illogical, wouldn't it? It would be like, how did you
- 1:32:30get there? And do either of you know that
- 1:32:34cars built in the early 1900s had a top speed of 40 miles an
- 1:32:38hour? Did you know that?
- 1:32:39Yes, I did, yeah. Did you?
- 1:32:42Because either. Why?
- 1:32:44In the UK that that's the for a lot of roads.
- 1:32:48Do you know why those cars were built with a top speed of 40
- 1:32:52miles an hour? I guess.
- 1:32:54No, I do. Reasons for safety, OK.
- 1:32:59Yeah, it has to be safety reasons, yeah.
- 1:33:01OK, so Noella, you're going to appreciate this.
- 1:33:04What's the fastest you've ever driven a car, Noella?
- 1:33:07Personally, maybe 1. 120, yeah. I was going to say fastest one
- 1:33:1310120 don't. Don't ask me, I have a speed
- 1:33:16demo. Don't ask, don't ask me.
- 1:33:22I've done 200 before man. Oh, wow.
- 1:33:25That's awesome. Yeah, so.
- 1:33:28So, Noella, in early nights, you would have been endangering your
- 1:33:32life. They believed that if a woman
- 1:33:36travelled in an automobile more than 40 miles an hour, her
- 1:33:39uterus would explode. That's very interesting and.
- 1:33:48And it was a scientific fact. And science is ever evolving.
- 1:33:52Science is ever evolving for sure.
- 1:33:55Can you imagine that? The person who disrupted that
- 1:33:58and said, I'm going to make a car that goes 50 mile, 50 miles
- 1:34:02an hour. Imagine they're like, you're
- 1:34:04crazy. You can't do that.
- 1:34:09Well, well, let's get to 100. But no, the, the, it may be the
- 1:34:13engine will make it with the, the human body won't sustain
- 1:34:16that. And now to fly out of the
- 1:34:20Earth's gravitational pull, you have to travel over 17,000 miles
- 1:34:24an hour. So imagine in the 19, imagine
- 1:34:27early 1900's, the woman's uterus would explode if he goes more
- 1:34:32than 40 miles an hour and a guy named Robert Goddard's.
- 1:34:35And so 40 miles an hour is the top speed.
- 1:34:38And when the Wright Brothers invented flying, that belief was
- 1:34:42still there. That conversation was still a
- 1:34:45fact of life. So imagine an aeroplane today.
- 1:34:48Imagine we never disrupted that in our aeroplanes, only flew 40
- 1:34:52miles an hour as a top speed. How many people could you put on
- 1:34:55a plane? There'd be no 747.
- 1:34:58Right. So there are lots of
- 1:35:02conversations that derail us from possibilities that are
- 1:35:06beyond what we can see right now.
- 1:35:09And so people will say, well, he was just ahead of his time.
- 1:35:13But it's, it's transforming those conversations.
- 1:35:17No different than running the mile in under 4 minutes.
- 1:35:19There are just so many examples. Copernicus telling people that
- 1:35:24the Earth was not the centre of the universe, They had a problem
- 1:35:27with that. Yes, he didn't live long because
- 1:35:30of that. And we actually, we talked a lot
- 1:35:34about technological advancement and the conversation around AI
- 1:35:39and other industries and how it's impacting every industry
- 1:35:42right now. And it's funny, just earlier
- 1:35:44we're mentioning that it's quite interesting, but quite
- 1:35:50impossible to see where AI is going to move within the next
- 1:35:56five years, next 10 years, because we cannot predict how we
- 1:36:03underestimate it. And even when we don't realise
- 1:36:06we're underestimating it, we still are underestimating it.
- 1:36:09And I think that that goes straight into kind of all of all
- 1:36:14of the disruption and all of the things that businesses have to
- 1:36:19face, not even just an AI, but there's no way to really
- 1:36:25actually plan for. All we can really plan around is
- 1:36:30how we move through or if we're able to go into a flow state
- 1:36:34during that time and allow the rest of our body to take over
- 1:36:38and trust the system or the group or whatever we've built in
- 1:36:43that system. It's really interesting to hear
- 1:36:46that kind of the stance on emotional regulation because you
- 1:36:53have a book about love and leadership and when people talk
- 1:36:56about relationships and love and all of that, it's very
- 1:37:02emotionally charged. It's a very emotionally charged
- 1:37:06topic. Your book is called Here's Why
- 1:37:08You Can't Find Love and it actually links relationship
- 1:37:13struggles to business performance and you talk about
- 1:37:17paradigm shifting. What parallels do you see
- 1:37:22between personal self sabotage and professional self sabotage,
- 1:37:28or between interrelationship when it comes to the romantic
- 1:37:31aspect and the work you're doing with businesses when it comes to
- 1:37:36maybe understanding disruption and understanding that chaos is
- 1:37:40not really chaos, What are the parallels between those 2
- 1:37:43industries? So lots of them.
- 1:37:45The first is a financial impact. So do you know that corporate
- 1:37:50America is losing $300 billion every year in workplace
- 1:37:54productivity? I have heard a similar, yeah, a
- 1:37:58similar stance for sure. Why do you think that is and
- 1:38:03what do you think the parallels of that I'm?
- 1:38:05Going to ask you what? Do you know why they are losing
- 1:38:07300 billion every year? In productivity.
- 1:38:12Divorce. No, no, no, you.
- 1:38:14You have to let her see your your well.
- 1:38:16I'm curious, I'm curious to know if it's because of an efficient
- 1:38:21or, you know, unaligned workplace relationships or the
- 1:38:24lack of quality in workplace relationships.
- 1:38:27But I haven't had any, I haven't been able to do any research on
- 1:38:31it. So I'm actually very excited and
- 1:38:34to hear your stance on it. But I don't have a stance on it.
- 1:38:38So there's an organisation called Life Innovation.
- 1:38:40They did the research and they found that corporate America is
- 1:38:44losing $300 billion every year in workplace productivity
- 1:38:49because of one word divorce. Wow, OK.
- 1:38:55So divorce and, and you can throw in there, you know, bad
- 1:39:00relationships, whether an engagement broke up or a
- 1:39:02relationship that just fell apart.
- 1:39:06And they also found, there's another organisation that found
- 1:39:09that when a person is going through divorce, their workplace
- 1:39:11performance drops by 50 to 75%, right?
- 1:39:15So imagine a divorce rate of like 53% in the US.
- 1:39:20That's a lot of people being affected and being not
- 1:39:25performing. They're really underperforming
- 1:39:27and it's not intentional. They just have a distraction and
- 1:39:32you could say they are in the midst of what appears to be
- 1:39:35chaotic. They are in a situation they
- 1:39:39never wanted to be in. Most people do not marry to get
- 1:39:43a divorce. I would assume perhaps there
- 1:39:46are, there is a percentage of people, but even if they did
- 1:39:50plan, it probably didn't go the way they wanted the divorce to
- 1:39:54go. So there's a fight if there's
- 1:39:56children, if there are assets, and just the whole dealings and
- 1:40:00courts and lawyers and all those conversations that are really
- 1:40:04designed to create cortisol secretions with people.
- 1:40:11So you are or the purpose of your book was to really bring
- 1:40:20light and information and possibly healing to the insanely
- 1:40:28damaging financial impact on the corporate world just through
- 1:40:32divorce and relationships. Are there any maybe self
- 1:40:36sabotage patterns or professional patterns or
- 1:40:42barriers or transformations between relationships into the
- 1:40:47corporate world that you've seen or you've been able to witness
- 1:40:50or even coach on at all in your practise?
- 1:40:54Sure, sure. So the the same things that
- 1:40:57derail you and breakthrough initiatives will derail you and
- 1:41:01your relationships. It's really the stories.
- 1:41:02It's the things about your past that you have a story about and
- 1:41:07this person reminds you. So I wrote the book not to
- 1:41:10provide information. I wrote the book as a guide and
- 1:41:15a journey of transformation for the reader.
- 1:41:17So I didn't write it as this is a Ted talk and Ted is telling
- 1:41:22you like I am Ted and this is a Ted talk.
- 1:41:26I I didn't write it for that. It's written in a way that it's
- 1:41:30dynamic in a way the reader can relate to it.
- 1:41:33So it's almost like a workshop. There are five women, 5 separate
- 1:41:37characters who are engaging me in a conversation about
- 1:41:41relationships. And it's like Ted, but you're a
- 1:41:44guy and how could you see it that way?
- 1:41:45And this doesn't make sense. And so the reader will go on the
- 1:41:49journey of transformation with the people.
- 1:41:52And it's based on a real situation.
- 1:41:54So I read it so that the reader, their perspective of
- 1:41:59relationships is transformed and they have a greater capacity for
- 1:42:04being in a relationship. So if we can reduce or eliminate
- 1:42:09divorce in the US, we can get rid of that $300 billion in
- 1:42:13workplace productivity because with that much productivity
- 1:42:18loss, corporations will usually tend to lay people off at some
- 1:42:23point. And that affects everyone.
- 1:42:25So I think Google, I think it's Google just announced they're
- 1:42:30going to layoff 14,000 people. That's a lot.
- 1:42:32So that means possibly the auto car automakers will layoff
- 1:42:37people and then the home builders will layoff people in
- 1:42:40the washer and dryer will let you know.
- 1:42:42It's this downward spiral. So I'd like to contribute to
- 1:42:47eliminating that. So if you can train your people
- 1:42:52to be more effective in managing chaos and conflict and problems
- 1:42:57in the workplace, they will develop the tools, the skills,
- 1:43:00competencies that they own and take them home and have better
- 1:43:05marriages. And a big part of it is conflict
- 1:43:09resolution. So when we were talking about
- 1:43:12the woman in the dentist's office, if she gets into a
- 1:43:15situation where she believes she has to fight to be right, she's
- 1:43:18in conflict with herself because there's this thing from the past
- 1:43:22she wants to avoid and there's something she wants to discuss,
- 1:43:27and now she's in conflict. So she's in a conflict with the
- 1:43:31person and not realising that she's really in conflict with
- 1:43:36this thing from the past that she's fighting to avoid.
- 1:43:40That's the essence of conflict resolution.
- 1:43:43The conflict almost never has to deal with the other person or
- 1:43:46the situation. It's the conflict you're having
- 1:43:50with yourself that you want to avoid and you haven't addressed
- 1:43:54it to be able to unlearn it. And if people could develop
- 1:44:00that, then in their marriages, the conflicts that occur,
- 1:44:05they'll, they'll find that technically there was never a
- 1:44:09conflict with the other person. There's something that reminded
- 1:44:14them and they went into this whole survival, this thing that
- 1:44:19I have to avoid. And I'm going to look bad if I
- 1:44:22allow myself to go back to that. So I have to fight, you know, I
- 1:44:25have to fight. And they end up with a divorce
- 1:44:28when really there was just a misunderstanding and the the
- 1:44:31proper questions were not being asked.
- 1:44:35There was more of a defence. They went into defence mode.
- 1:44:38That's a lot to impact. I think I like to talk about
- 1:44:41engineering growth through pressure, pressure the CA makes.
- 1:44:45Diamond engineering growth, yeah.
- 1:44:48Through pressure, right? Pressure.
- 1:44:50The CA makes diamonds. Yeah.
- 1:44:52So how can CE OS intentionally design healthy stress right
- 1:44:59within their teams to spark innovation instead of sparking
- 1:45:03burnout? So I'm going to say that as long
- 1:45:08as we as a society keep talking about how burnt out people are,
- 1:45:14we'll be right about that. We are enabling and telling
- 1:45:19people to be burnt. It's almost like we're giving
- 1:45:22people an excuse to be an underperformer.
- 1:45:27That's a conversation that really needs to transform.
- 1:45:30We're talking about burning out because when you put someone in
- 1:45:34an environment or situation and they say they really love doing
- 1:45:38this, they'll work right through for hours and never know that
- 1:45:43time went by and they'll never say I'm burnt out.
- 1:45:46So if you create an environment where people don't know how to
- 1:45:51address the conflicts they're having with themselves, it's
- 1:45:54easy to go to burnout. So it's it's not the burnout we
- 1:45:59want to address. It's the mindset of the people
- 1:46:04who are more nimble and able to manage what's occurring in front
- 1:46:08of them. And so that way chaos actually
- 1:46:11disappeared and it's just something that's occurring and
- 1:46:14I've got I have to manage that. Pro athletes are really great at
- 1:46:18this. Like the top athletes, you're
- 1:46:20running back. Football can be considered
- 1:46:22chaotic and stressful. You gave me the ball.
- 1:46:24These guys are coming to kill me, but you don't lay on the
- 1:46:28ground and say, Oh my God, don't hit me.
- 1:46:31You run right through those guys and you may have moved.
- 1:46:35Some may be more powerful and they run, they forced through
- 1:46:38and others can move there and they have the agility to take
- 1:46:42the hit, spin around and and keep going.
- 1:46:44But they trained for that and there's a mindset.
- 1:46:48It's kind of like a mindset of running with broken legs.
- 1:46:51There's this unstoppable mindset.
- 1:46:55It's interesting, you actually are trainer of CEOs and it feels
- 1:47:00like you you took, when I say some pages off 2 CEOs we've had
- 1:47:07on this show. One earlier today, the CEO of
- 1:47:10Keeper, he spoke exactly what you're talking about.
- 1:47:13He said he likes to make sure that people are passionate about
- 1:47:17the job they do in his company. If you're passionate about
- 1:47:20something, you will walk right through the fire to get it done.
- 1:47:25And he said something he said I would never, I would never work
- 1:47:28on something I'm not passionate about.
- 1:47:30If I get bored, you know, I have some sweet what I'm working on.
- 1:47:33And you know, that speaks to even what we do here myself and
- 1:47:38Noella, like we, we're passionate about communication,
- 1:47:41passionate about music. And sometimes we probably like,
- 1:47:46get what I say, maybe offers to do something we're not
- 1:47:50passionate about. And we end up not pursuing those
- 1:47:53offers because you will. That is writing a letter to
- 1:47:58burnout, right? And the CEO of Tikkor at the
- 1:48:02investment company, it's an investment source too.
- 1:48:07He said something he said his own blueprint is he likes to
- 1:48:10employ X Pro athletes. Like, for you to work with
- 1:48:15Tikkor, you have to be an athlete, right?
- 1:48:17Because athletes understand, you know, the process, the mindset
- 1:48:23of doing repetitive tasks, you know we have a discipline you
- 1:48:28don't. He doesn't like to trim.
- 1:48:30People on the mindset he. Guess people who are pre trained
- 1:48:33at athletes have that mindset, you know, ready made, you know,
- 1:48:37it's a default setting for for athletes.
- 1:48:39That's one thing you know, I really appreciate it even about
- 1:48:42my own background. You know, I was involved in
- 1:48:44martial arts very early on in life, you know, from Taekwondo
- 1:48:49to karate, judo, this martial arts.
- 1:48:51And he taught me something even till today.
- 1:48:54I'm always very confident. And if I go to because I know,
- 1:48:58yeah, I can handle business. And you know, he gives me that
- 1:49:02discipline of being able to do things even when I don't feel
- 1:49:06like doing it. If I put my mind to it, I can
- 1:49:09get it done. And another thing is, if you, if
- 1:49:12you doubt me, I think doubt is fuel for me.
- 1:49:14Just doubt me. And you'll see me do it so.
- 1:49:19Yeah, athletes actually have, you know, that discipline of
- 1:49:22getting things done even when it is difficult.
- 1:49:25And they enjoy that chaotic, you know, process.
- 1:49:29And, you know, there's something with putting yourself through
- 1:49:32difficult situations, right? Earlier on in this interview,
- 1:49:36you talked about how sometimes you discover things about
- 1:49:39yourself. And you know, it reminded me of
- 1:49:42like certain workouts. There was a time I used to do
- 1:49:46easily. Now I can do 5 kilometres.
- 1:49:49But just like, what do I tell this to be?
- 1:49:52Earlier today I just stood up and eat 5 kilometres right?
- 1:49:55But. At some point I was doing 10
- 1:49:59kilometres and I think there was a day I I think I broke about 15
- 1:50:03kilometres, exceeded it. And when you go past?
- 1:50:105. You know, that's what you do
- 1:50:12regularly when you get to 10, your body's telling you, oh bro,
- 1:50:17you're tired. When you stretch to 15, your
- 1:50:23body goes to a very, very dark place if you've got trained for
- 1:50:29it. And you know, for that I like to
- 1:50:34stretch right. So I want you to talk about it,
- 1:50:37right? When you go to that dark place
- 1:50:41and you exceed your record, right?
- 1:50:44You discover things about yourself that you never before
- 1:50:49knew where possible, right? What's the side behind that?
- 1:50:52The way the way to get there is I have to ask the two of you a
- 1:50:56question. I'm going to present both of you
- 1:51:00with a relationship, an intimate relationship and you have two
- 1:51:05different people and the people are equal in looks and tell it
- 1:51:09like they're equal in the things that you want.
- 1:51:11But here's here's what's going to happen.
- 1:51:15And one or the other in one relationship, it's going to be
- 1:51:21very passionate. That's you have a choice between
- 1:51:26this very passionate person with this person, or you have the
- 1:51:30choice of a highly committed person, a highly committed
- 1:51:35relationship with the other person.
- 1:51:37Which relationship are you choosing?
- 1:51:43Are those the only two choices? So if you want polygamy, we can
- 1:51:48create a third, but or you can have them both this, this is
- 1:51:52this is about this is it, this is game time.
- 1:51:55It's making a decision. This is a choice.
- 1:51:57This is your life. This.
- 1:51:59You're choosing. The passionate, I said if we're
- 1:52:02doing polygamy, I got it. You're going to have to make a
- 1:52:06choice, one or the other. You got to be a great decision
- 1:52:10maker here. You choose the person who's
- 1:52:13going to be who it, with whom it will be very passionate or you
- 1:52:16choose the highly committed relationship.
- 1:52:20Which are you choosing? The clock is ticking.
- 1:52:27What if I don't choose anyone? Well, I would choose.
- 1:52:33I think it's interesting because it does give a parallel to
- 1:52:40business and how we're speaking earlier about if they are
- 1:52:45working in a scope that they are passionate about, then they can
- 1:52:49work for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and
- 1:52:53there is no burnout, in which case the commitment would come
- 1:52:58naturally. Nope.
- 1:52:59Nope, you don't. Nope.
- 1:53:00You get highly committed or passionate.
- 1:53:03That's it. That sounds horrible.
- 1:53:05I was. No, but this, this is life.
- 1:53:09This is life. Life is about making these
- 1:53:11choices. Every day, every second of your
- 1:53:14life, you're making choices, and this is an important one.
- 1:53:19You're choosing that this person can be your spouse, and the
- 1:53:22choice of a spouse is the most important decision you make in
- 1:53:25your life. Hi Ted.
- 1:53:27I guess maybe that's why I don't Barry till till now.
- 1:53:32That's. All right.
- 1:53:33Yeah. I'm I'm asking you both to
- 1:53:35answer the question. It's interesting you're both
- 1:53:38struggling with this. It's a very simple question.
- 1:53:41I would very simple. If it's for so we're speaking
- 1:53:45about a life partner, then I would say and you.
- 1:53:48And if we know for a fact that the passion would be without
- 1:53:53commitment, then I would choose commitment.
- 1:53:55But I do believe that in the right relationship that.
- 1:54:01No, no, you're, you're choosing between two people.
- 1:54:03OK, this is it. It's it's really cut and dry
- 1:54:06because one person is going to be highly is going to be very
- 1:54:09passionate. The other one is highly
- 1:54:11committed. Then I would choose highly
- 1:54:12committed. OK, great.
- 1:54:15Thank you. Which of you choose he's?
- 1:54:19Choosing highly passionate. Why?
- 1:54:22Why you choosing for me? I think I'll go.
- 1:54:25I'll go with coveted. Yeah, I think I'll go.
- 1:54:27Committed. Yeah.
- 1:54:29Now, isn't this interesting? Isn't this interesting?
- 1:54:32When the red. No, no, wait, wait, wait.
- 1:54:35Hold on, Hold on, hold on. OK.
- 1:54:37When the rubber meets, When the rubber meets the road, when it's
- 1:54:40really important. What do people choose?
- 1:54:43I've asked countless people this.
- 1:54:45Question. Only one person ever said
- 1:54:48passionate, and everyone else says highly committed.
- 1:54:52Yet we talk about wanting to be passionate about things.
- 1:54:56When you look at an athlete like Usain Bolt, you don't see a guy
- 1:55:00who's highly passionate about running, because when that guy
- 1:55:03trains, he trains so hard that he vomits.
- 1:55:08When it's passionate, you do it when it feels good.
- 1:55:12In the moment, it's not feeling good and you're vomiting.
- 1:55:15This doesn't resonate and I'm out.
- 1:55:17But when you're highly committed, none of that matters.
- 1:55:20So the divorce courts are filled with passionate couples.
- 1:55:25It's filled with them, but I promise you, it's not filled
- 1:55:29with highly committed couples because those highly committed
- 1:55:32couples worked together. They're committed to making it
- 1:55:36work and they will do the training, preparation, whatever
- 1:55:40it takes to make sure they understand one another and work
- 1:55:43it through. Highly passionate.
- 1:55:46There's a feeling I want and when that's gone, man, I'm
- 1:55:50having questions. Maybe this is not, I didn't sign
- 1:55:54up for this. I'm signing up for the feeling.
- 1:55:57So in my book, the punchline is love doesn't create a great
- 1:56:02relationship. Mm, hmm.
- 1:56:04Love is a byproduct of a great relationship.
- 1:56:07So if you have the capacity for creating a great relationship,
- 1:56:12the competence, the skills, the competence to create a great
- 1:56:15relationship and two people are compatible with that kind of
- 1:56:20competence, you're going to create a highly committed
- 1:56:23relationship. If you don't possess those, why
- 1:56:27should anyone love you? Because you're going to be
- 1:56:29incompetent and all you can do is offer a feeling and that's
- 1:56:34it. But that feeling doesn't create
- 1:56:36a great relationship. It's, you know, are we
- 1:56:38compatible in the way we resolve conflict?
- 1:56:41Are we compatible and how we manage money?
- 1:56:44Are we compatible in sex? Are we compatible on how we take
- 1:56:47care of our mental and physical health?
- 1:56:49How do we want to raise and discipline our children?
- 1:56:52How do we want to educate? These are areas that will be
- 1:56:55consistent over time. And these are are the reasons
- 1:57:00arranged marriages work so well, because arranged marriages
- 1:57:04require the families to come together and they're looking for
- 1:57:08these things to be compatible. Not that, hey, we both like a
- 1:57:12certain kind of music and we like to party at the same clubs
- 1:57:16and go to the same vacation spots.
- 1:57:18Those are things that you have in common that may dissipate as
- 1:57:23you get older and then you'll say, we have nothing in common
- 1:57:25anymore and the passion is gone. But if you're highly committed,
- 1:57:30you'll talk through those things and even where it comes to
- 1:57:34areas. Well, I see it this way.
- 1:57:36You see, that way a highly committed couple can operate
- 1:57:40like water, and water is made of hydrogen and oxygen that come
- 1:57:45together to make something neither of them could have done
- 1:57:48on their own. Mm hmm.
- 1:57:51Be like water, my friend Percy. Yeah, be like water, my friend.
- 1:57:59So, so it's interesting you both chose commitment.
- 1:58:02So when, when people talk about I want to hire people who are
- 1:58:06passionate, No, I want highly committed people because they're
- 1:58:10going to go through it. And I've hired people who I've
- 1:58:13asked them to do things and they didn't know how to do.
- 1:58:16And they, they were frustrated and they, why are you asking me
- 1:58:19to do this? I don't know how to do that.
- 1:58:20And you're, you're asking me to do something that is beyond me
- 1:58:24and blah, blah. And then they did it.
- 1:58:27They never knew they could do it.
- 1:58:29They had no passion for it, But then they became good at it,
- 1:58:34like really good at it. How do you learn if you can only
- 1:58:40do the things you're passionate about?
- 1:58:43How do you learn something new? How do you get to the paradigm
- 1:58:46of breakthrough and and paradigm shifts?
- 1:58:49Because you're going to be passionate about the things
- 1:58:51you're good at. And then one day you're
- 1:58:53obsolete. You're just a, a buggy whip.
- 1:58:55You're a horse and buggy and no one is riding you anymore unless
- 1:58:59you go to New York and Central Park.
- 1:59:00They have. Absolutely.
- 1:59:04I'm trying to remember a quote right?
- 1:59:06It says when motivation fails, discipline will carry you
- 1:59:12through. When motivation fails,
- 1:59:15discipline, you know, gets the job done.
- 1:59:20And I have something on my wall here that says it's not over
- 1:59:23when you lose, it's over when you beat.
- 1:59:27OK, good. Yeah, very good.
- 1:59:30There's a quote. His last name is Marquis.
- 1:59:35It says when you make people think they are thinking, they
- 1:59:39will love you. When you make people really
- 1:59:42think, they will hate you. My work requires people to
- 1:59:48actually think. But the value of actually
- 1:59:51thinking instead of just having thoughts is so profound that
- 1:59:55allows you to see a world that may have been there and you just
- 1:59:59it was right there hidden in plain sight, and you couldn't
- 2:00:02see it. Mm Hmm.
- 2:00:04And so your actions were only shaped by what you could see.
- 2:00:08And like the guy Robert Goddard, who said man will fly to the
- 2:00:13moon, he saw a world that that the rest of the world could not
- 2:00:16see. But, and it was possible, it
- 2:00:18wasn't a pipe dream. Mm hmm.
- 2:00:22It's having access to that kind Nikola Tesla kind of innovation
- 2:00:28to be able to see possibilities and then take the actions
- 2:00:32without getting derailed because there are problems.
- 2:00:37They'll they'll be gaps. Here's where you are, here's
- 2:00:39where you want to be. And there will be problems in
- 2:00:42those gaps that you have not seen in the past.
- 2:00:45And having that highly committed will support you when working
- 2:00:49through them as opposed to being derailed and saying it's just
- 2:00:53not meant to be. Are there any trends or anything
- 2:00:59that you believe or can't think about in regard to predicting
- 2:01:06future trends for the next generation of CE OS?
- 2:01:10You have an insane, an insane background of working with all
- 2:01:16types of different CE OS, Fortune 500 CE OS, people that
- 2:01:21you've collaborated with, teams that you've built, people that
- 2:01:24you've helped in paradigm shifting.
- 2:01:27When it comes to the generation coming up right now, do you have
- 2:01:31any predictions that will define the entire generation coming up?
- 2:01:39Kind of like someone's going to the room or.
- 2:01:45Yeah. So, you know, it's interesting
- 2:01:49that generation, Generation Z coming up, you're hearing many
- 2:01:53of them turn down management positions because they say
- 2:01:57what's going to be demanded of me is not worth the money.
- 2:02:00So I'd rather, you know, just have a easy 9 to 5.
- 2:02:04That could be a challenge also could be the catalyst that
- 2:02:12starts to train people to be able to better navigate chaos.
- 2:02:18Because if we have people who are not comfortable with that
- 2:02:22and we have too many people who grew up where everyone gets a
- 2:02:26trophy just for participation, that creates an unspoken policy,
- 2:02:31which is you get rewarded even for being mediocre.
- 2:02:36And so it takes away the possibility of of people running
- 2:02:42with broken legs, right? So like you go in the gym, you
- 2:02:45work out and you break down a muscle, but that's how you build
- 2:02:48it to be bigger and stronger. So if people are avoiding those
- 2:02:52that that breakdown, what will eventually happen is there'll be
- 2:02:59a breakdown and people will have to then deal with that.
- 2:03:03They will have to lift themselves out of of the
- 2:03:05breakdown. So participation trophies will
- 2:03:08not suffice anymore. Like people will actually have
- 2:03:11to do the work. So I'm asserting people not
- 2:03:14having the capacity to deal with chaos and wanting everything to
- 2:03:18be easy and comfortable will eventually create an environment
- 2:03:24where they will have to be trained to be more committed or
- 2:03:27highly committed and and have a greater capacity for navigating
- 2:03:31the chaos. Which then I would say then
- 2:03:37creates an organisation that instead of focusing on financial
- 2:03:41re engineering where you slash jobs and slash expenses and file
- 2:03:47bankruptcy to, you know, you pay back pennies on a dollar.
- 2:03:52I'm going to say it the wrong way.
- 2:03:53First we will focus on engineering human capital.
- 2:03:59So instead of financial reengineering, it's human
- 2:04:03reengineering and and training and developing people in such a
- 2:04:08way that they are more facile and more effective in dealing
- 2:04:12with the chaos that comes. And what I assert will also
- 2:04:16happen out of that is people will become better in their
- 2:04:20marriages and their personal lives and we can mitigate the
- 2:04:23divorce rate. Right now the divorce rate is,
- 2:04:26is strangling us and we're pretending it's not happening.
- 2:04:30If so, if you think about bad divorces and, and the conflict
- 2:04:35it creates, people bring that to the workplace, even though in
- 2:04:39the workplace the difference is they tell you this is business
- 2:04:42etiquette and you, you respond to what triggers you at work
- 2:04:47like this, But at home, anything goes.
- 2:04:51So if we can and there's, there's really no training for
- 2:04:54how to be a good spouse, anything goes.
- 2:04:57People will say, well, you're getting the best of me and
- 2:05:00you're, you're getting all of me.
- 2:05:01And I there, this is, this is the real me.
- 2:05:04It's like, wow, I don't want the real you.
- 2:05:06I want the you that you give to everyone at work.
- 2:05:09I want that one right, That one who's who's a professional, be a
- 2:05:12professional husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend and
- 2:05:16actually talk about that in my book.
- 2:05:17So I'm I'm saying that we will create an environment that's
- 2:05:23unsustainable, that will force people to create an environment
- 2:05:28that is much more empowering, but it may come out of the
- 2:05:32darkness of running 15K. Whoa, that's a very, very dark
- 2:05:40place. Trust me.
- 2:05:42You see yourself beyond free perceived the limit.
- 2:05:46I can't express it in words, but you know, sometimes, and this,
- 2:05:51this is just me. Sometimes when I do, not just in
- 2:05:55terms of, you know, pushing the body, but also pushing the mind
- 2:05:59to complete certain things, I have been this kind of person
- 2:06:03who I spit myself in, you know, many challenging situations,
- 2:06:09many challenges, testing myself beyond limits.
- 2:06:14I'm a numbers guy. I love to break my own records.
- 2:06:17And sometimes when I break that record, I look back and be like,
- 2:06:23oh wow, you did that shit. And it gives me a new level of
- 2:06:28self esteem, self respect to myself.
- 2:06:31Like put some respect on my knee.
- 2:06:33The press, you know, I pushed myself to do that.
- 2:06:40Yeah, right. But you have to remember those
- 2:06:41guys from Kenya and Ethiopia run 26 miles at an unbelievable
- 2:06:46pace. Yes.
- 2:06:48And there there's a there's a huge mind shift in that.
- 2:06:51You know, they used to say once you pass 20 mile mark, it's it's
- 2:06:55really rough. And So what would have gotten
- 2:06:59you to be someone else after 20 miles is is a mindset.
- 2:07:03You said the their preconceived notions are getting to 15 K is
- 2:07:07is a lot but. Yeah.
- 2:07:10There's a different mindset even when I work out, so I've
- 2:07:13experimented. Yeah, I've got 20K by the by the
- 2:07:16way, but man, oh good, I had to skip for a whole day.
- 2:07:25Man. My legs are sore.
- 2:07:27When I've worked out, there are parts where it's like, OK, this
- 2:07:30is the part where it's going to hurt.
- 2:07:32And then I create a conversation saying, wow, if I say that
- 2:07:36that's what's going to happen and I'm going to run out.
- 2:07:39And just by altering that, not having positive speak, it's
- 2:07:43like, OK, I actually have the power to keep going.
- 2:07:46If I tell myself I don't my my body, my biochemicals will
- 2:07:51support exactly what I'm saying, that I'm going to feel pain and
- 2:07:55it's unbelievable how much powers is left in that.
- 2:07:59And I've just done this with experiments with myself quite
- 2:08:02often. Yeah, it's so important what we
- 2:08:09tell ourselves and what the stories that we have.
- 2:08:13It shapes who we are. We're going to do a quick fire
- 2:08:18round, so just shoot off a few questions to you.
- 2:08:22We're going to go back and forth and see how quickly we can get
- 2:08:28answers from you. Before we do that, I just want
- 2:08:32to say it's been such a pleasure having you hearing your wisdom
- 2:08:36and your expertise and getting some of that to our audience.
- 2:08:41We have people that are all different walks of life around
- 2:08:47the globe and we love to bring truth from different countries
- 2:08:51in and really help define that for people around the globe.
- 2:08:55So this has been such a pleasure to have you to get this insight
- 2:08:59to business leaders, CE OS, CF OS entrepreneurs and or just
- 2:09:05dreamers right now who are maybe in a startup phase or too scared
- 2:09:08to even take that first step, but they are working towards
- 2:09:11that. So thank you so much.
- 2:09:13So I'll have AI start and then we'll just kind of go back and
- 2:09:17forth and then we'll be able to close out.
- 2:09:20OK, Want to say something really quickly to what you said and
- 2:09:23it's also going back to your question about the future.
- 2:09:27And I would say that what businesses need in the from now
- 2:09:30on going forward is wisdom. We technically don't need AI.
- 2:09:34We don't need AI. We need more wisdom.
- 2:09:36You don't need to be not just the top absolutely we need we
- 2:09:41need more. We need leaders who can lead
- 2:09:43from wisdom as opposed to just short termism.
- 2:09:48And McKenzie just did a wrote an article about the difference
- 2:09:51between CEO leading short term. How do you navigate that and
- 2:09:57really deal with the long term and your investors?
- 2:09:59So yeah, it's wisdom if there's a gap in wisdom.
- 2:10:04Absolutely. The fear of the Lord is the
- 2:10:07beginning of wisdom, and for the Lord gives wisdom, and from His
- 2:10:12mouth commerce, knowledge and understanding.
- 2:10:15So. I'm, I'm a very big person of
- 2:10:19faith and I know like I don't know if other people you know,
- 2:10:25would allude to this, but I believe very much in God-given
- 2:10:28wisdom and seeking direction from God.
- 2:10:32There are times where in our human abilities, human
- 2:10:35knowledge, human understanding fills us.
- 2:10:38You know, the Bible says lean not onto your own understanding
- 2:10:42and you know, trust in God in all your ways and he will lead
- 2:10:46you the right time. And of course, if any of you
- 2:10:49lacks wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously to all
- 2:10:54without find and fold and it will be given to you.
- 2:10:57That's James chapter 1 described.
- 2:10:59That's not to put that in. I appreciate very much on your
- 2:11:06when I say not wisdom. Wisdom is property, routine,
- 2:11:09direct. Thank you.
- 2:11:13So let's fire off Rep. Yes.
- 2:11:17Are you ready to rumble? There we go.
- 2:11:23I know. OK.
- 2:11:24What book every CEO should be besides your own?
- 2:11:30Blue ocean strategy. Blue ocean strategy.
- 2:11:33Blue. Awesome.
- 2:11:34Yeah. Blue ocean at the end of Blue
- 2:11:36Ocean. Alright.
- 2:11:37I love that book. Yes.
- 2:11:39What's your greatest leadership lesson learned from failure it?
- 2:11:44Wasn't my failure, it was someone else's failure.
- 2:11:47And the person who was trained and coached from AVP level to
- 2:11:53become a president was hired as the president, had the job doing
- 2:11:57well and the failure came from, and I this is important for a
- 2:12:03lot of professional managers. One of the things that happens
- 2:12:08when you become president or a higher level manager, the
- 2:12:12employees will attempt to train you and tell you how things are
- 2:12:17around here and how they should be done.
- 2:12:20Once you buy from the employers, employees as opposed to
- 2:12:25understanding your job is there to make something happen that
- 2:12:29wasn't going to happen. The employees are not there to
- 2:12:33do that. They are there, and this sounds
- 2:12:36a little bit dictatorship like, but the employees generally are
- 2:12:41there to keep things the way they are.
- 2:12:42They're not there to have someone come in and disrupt them
- 2:12:47and have them do something different.
- 2:12:49Employees will do their best to tell you this is the way it goes
- 2:12:52around here. Even though you're the new
- 2:12:54manager, the new leader, once you buy into that, you're no
- 2:12:58longer a leader in that organisation.
- 2:13:00You're just an employee and you risk losing your job at that
- 2:13:04point. So I've seen someone get the job
- 2:13:08and lose it because they allowed the employees to train them on a
- 2:13:15lot of different things and IT just wasn't in their best
- 2:13:18interest at all. So that was a failure that I
- 2:13:22saw. And an important lesson for any
- 2:13:27person going into a new organisation, especially in in
- 2:13:30the C-Suite, that you go there to understand what's happening
- 2:13:34and then make your plan for what's possible in the future as
- 2:13:38opposed to letting the employees tell you the way it's going to
- 2:13:41be. Absolutely.
- 2:13:44OK, they also order which breeds the most creativity.
- 2:13:53Neither, it's your perspective of the playing field.
- 2:13:56No, I love that perspective. Perspective.
- 2:14:00Who is the most disruptive leader alive today?
- 2:14:05Elon Musk. That was the answer of my mind.
- 2:14:09Some people may say Trump, but Musk?
- 2:14:12OK, if leadership had a soundtrack, what song title
- 2:14:16would define yours? Music is not advanced enough to
- 2:14:20be able to make a song for me. Whoa.
- 2:14:26They would have to have a paradigm shift in music to do
- 2:14:29that. No way.
- 2:14:30OK, we we will, we will come up with this song.
- 2:14:33Don't worry if you're musicians, I don't said it right to you.
- 2:14:36You will get that song in your e-mail, a lot of press, you
- 2:14:39know, thank you very much. We, we highly, highly appreciate
- 2:14:43you. What a person shares the time
- 2:14:45with you to share their life with you because the aspect unit
- 2:14:48will measure at 5:00 this time. So love and of course, massive
- 2:14:53respect to you for joining us on the show today and of course,
- 2:14:56sharing Nuggets upon Nuggets. We can't wait to have Episode 2
- 2:15:04over to Loel Ruk. Yeah.
- 2:15:08Again, just thank you so much. Your wisdom is invaluable,
- 2:15:14especially in these times of participation trophies and not
- 2:15:23really wanting to do the work or really seeing the value of doing
- 2:15:27the work. You're helping massive, massive
- 2:15:31teams in business makeshifts that people spend their whole
- 2:15:35lives dedicating themselves to and trying to figure out how to
- 2:15:39do within their own awareness, and you're kind of speaking on a
- 2:15:43completely different level. I think it's so insightful, so
- 2:15:48valuable and essential for everyone to take in this type of
- 2:15:51knowledge and their own personal lives and again and their
- 2:15:54relationships because we are the extent of our relationships and
- 2:15:59it has a global impact for us as humans.
- 2:16:02So thank you so much for your time and your was truly truly
- 2:16:06appreciated. Thank you very much.
- 2:16:10It's been my pleasure to be here with the two of you and thank
- 2:16:13you for asking such great questions that allowed for
- 2:16:16really insightful conversation. So thank.
- 2:16:19You thank you once more and across to the audience on this.
- 2:16:23Go for something in your life. Conceive, believe, strive to
- 2:16:28thrive and achieve. Confess you guys.