Latest / Very Fine Friends / Evil Lily of the Valley

Transcript

Evil Lily of the Valley · Very Fine Friends

0:00
as you know i was grievously injured i know um and i'm ready to to tell okay this is a brave
0:22
moment for francis this is a expose so you're lucky you're the journalist i've chosen to speak
0:27
about this with. I appreciate your trust. Good. So basically, um, I was in my car and
0:36
I had like, you ever like kind of sit on your leg a little bit? Yeah. Okay. I was doing that
0:43
and my leg fell asleep and I knew it was asleep and I didn't know the extent. Right. So I turn my
0:51
car off and I go to get out of my car and I put my weight on my leg like normal and then I realized
0:57
I could not feel my foot at all so I put my weight on my like ankle all wrong and I felt my my foot
1:06
just like I went down like so fast like 90 degrees yeah like I collapsed I was like scraping at my
1:14
car trying to like not fall down and then the way it felt i was like i'm like i'll humble myself
1:22
before you like i was like no i can't even bring it down and i crawled into the car and i was like
1:30
i like threw my sunglasses i'm like no i sat there like this was your right foot yeah yeah
1:38
so you put your weight on your left leg but it was asleep no no i put my weight on my sleeping right
1:43
Oh, you got out of your car.
1:45
I always get out of my car and go left leg first.
1:49
Yeah, I did.
1:50
And then I attempted to put the right leg down and then.
1:54
Oh, yeah.
1:55
Okay.
1:56
Yeah.
1:56
All right.
1:56
And then so I sat in the car and I was like, oh, my God, no.
1:59
Oh, my God, no.
2:00
And that went on for quite a while.
2:02
And then.
2:03
And this was.
2:05
Friday.
2:06
Oh, okay.
2:07
Right.
2:08
Yeah.
2:08
Oh, yep.
2:09
And then I.
2:10
And you were like out and about places.
2:11
Yeah.
2:12
Yeah.
2:12
Yeah.
2:12
And then I sat there and I was like, it's sprained.
2:17
It's only sprained.
2:17
It's healed.
2:18
I'm healed.
2:19
I did that a few hundred times.
2:20
And now you should see me move.
2:24
Believe it, sister.
2:25
Lither than ever.
2:28
But you couldn't drive.
2:30
No.
2:31
I couldn't put a foot on the gas pedal.
2:34
So you were stuck where you were.
2:36
Yeah.
2:37
Friday.
2:38
And then you were still there Saturday too, right?
2:40
Yeah.
2:41
Yeah, because I saw you on Maps and I was like, what is he doing?
2:46
That's why I said to that.
2:48
And then you were like, well.
2:50
I had already seen you on Maps and then you sent me the text.
2:53
I had already checked where you were because I like checking in on you.
2:56
And then you were like, well, I guess I live at this old abandoned Slim Fast Factory now.
3:01
I wish it was a Slim Fast Factory.
3:03
I have a question for you, though.
3:05
A logistical question.
3:06
Okay.
3:06
Why didn't you
3:09
have Dennis Uber to where you are
3:12
and then drive you home?
3:15
That's
3:16
a long Uber.
3:19
Longer than staying overnight?
3:21
I also didn't tell him
3:23
because I didn't want
3:24
you know we just like don't want any
3:26
I didn't want conversation
3:28
about it. I didn't want to talk about it.
3:30
I just wanted to like
3:32
heal myself with the power of positive intention
3:34
and that I did.
3:35
It was a don't ask, don't tell situation.
3:37
Although, interestingly,
3:39
I was at a Motel 6
3:41
because they had a first floor room.
3:46
And they would let me come in right away.
3:48
And everyone was like,
3:49
oh, check in, set like later.
3:50
I'm like, I'm in Motel Payne!
3:51
So I think it's funny because they called me yesterday
3:54
and they were like,
3:56
hi, I'm calling from whatever the place is called.
3:59
And I'm like, what?
4:02
Why are you calling me?
4:03
She's like, was everything okay?
4:05
I'm like, it's fine.
4:09
Why are we having this conversation?
4:11
She's like, would you mind leaving us like a five-star review?
4:13
I'm like, go away.
4:18
People go there because they have to.
4:21
But to be fair, you needed them and they were there for you in your time of need.
4:26
TV didn't work.
4:28
Oh, it didn't?
4:28
The remote didn't work.
4:30
All I could do is turn on and look at the TV guide.
4:32
They want that in the review?
4:33
Yeah, that's not good.
4:35
Especially when it's not like you can get up and manually change the channels.
4:39
I mean, the checking guy was actually really cute, though.
4:41
The fat ass.
4:43
Oh, is that good or bad?
4:44
That's great.
4:45
Leave that in the review.
4:46
Yeah, I will.
4:47
TV didn't work.
4:48
Yeah, let me check in early.
4:49
Nice fat ass.
4:50
Just send the checkout guy up to my room.
4:52
I'll just stare at that fat ass.
4:53
Let's get that fat ass back on the map.
4:55
The great Tempe Bake Off, you know what I'm saying?
4:59
But I'm okay.
5:00
Good.
5:01
I'm glad to hear it.
5:02
I'm glad that you're almost back at 100.
5:05
I was worried about you.
5:06
Thank you so much.
5:08
I had FOMO.
5:09
I know.
5:10
We missed you.
5:11
We went out Saturday, and Francis was supposed to join us,
5:15
but could not, alas, because he was stuck, which I felt bad about.
5:20
It's okay.
5:21
Why didn't you tell me on Friday?
5:22
I could have come and got you or something.
5:24
I was really embarrassed.
5:25
What a dumb way to get hurt.
5:27
That's why I had to use all my powers.
5:29
I'm like, I can't deal with this.
5:32
I think it's dumber just to not have a sleepy leg and then fall over, which I've almost done.
5:41
I mean, me too.
5:42
Me too.
5:44
Yeah.
5:44
For sure.
5:45
Yeah.
5:45
For sure, yeah.
5:47
Welcome to Very Fine Friends, where friends can heal themselves with the power of their mind.
5:52
You can do it too.
5:53
Yeah.
5:54
Well, now I know.
5:55
I have you blazing the trail.
5:57
um um speaking of trailblazing we just took a very fine friend's trip to chicago yes
6:06
you got yes oh i loved it it was fun right i had a great time yeah one of my top memories of my
6:13
whole life wow that's high praise not for you well i mean i was i was no it was great it's
6:18
definitely one of my top memories of your life for sure um no it's uh i i mean i guess i didn't
6:25
quantify it like that but like people kept asking me like oh what is your favorite part and then i
6:31
was like i can't pick a favorite part everything that we were doing while we were doing it i was
6:35
like yes yeah this is where i want to be except for the museum of medieval torture yeah that was
6:42
a hard pass but the rest of it as you were in the moment like i was like yeah this that was so much
6:47
fun let's yeah yeah this is so much fun yeah even though we kept saying that aloud and strangers
6:54
were looking at us.
6:55
Yeah, they got it.
6:56
They knew.
6:57
Even the rats that I saw running across the street
6:59
looked like they were having us.
7:00
Which I did not see in time, thank God.
7:02
Oh, I saw them like two nights in a row,
7:03
but they were having fun too.
7:04
They were like jovially running.
7:05
They were like, yeah, this is the best.
7:06
They were visiting from New York.
7:08
Yeah, it's funny.
7:10
If I ever saw a rat in my house,
7:12
I would freak out.
7:14
Right, yeah.
7:14
I would freak out.
7:15
Yeah.
7:16
But when I lived in New York,
7:17
you saw them constantly.
7:19
And it was just like,
7:20
if you didn't see a rat on the sidewalk
7:23
or definitely in the subway.
7:24
They were all over the subway tracks.
7:27
Then it was like,
7:28
whoa, where are the rats?
7:30
Are they okay?
7:31
Do you think there's rats in small towns
7:33
trying to get to New York?
7:34
Yeah.
7:35
The big city.
7:35
There's a little tiny rat bus
7:37
that gets off at the Port Authority.
7:39
Perhaps a taxi of a certain sort.
7:41
Yes.
7:41
Rat taxi.
7:42
Yeah, rat taxi.
7:43
Great callback.
7:45
Quick interruption.
7:47
Every week on the podcast,
7:48
we do something where our producer,
7:51
Joe gives, Francis and I each our own secret word. Throughout the course of the podcast,
7:58
we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person
8:04
noticing. If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point. And
8:10
right before we die, we add up all the points. And then we get a prize, whoever has the most
8:17
points for guessing the most secret words. Here's Joe with today's secret words.
8:24
Jenna's secret word is deprecating. Jenna's decoy word is whomever. Francis's secret word is
8:31
bellman Francis decoy word is chronology Back to the pod Well if there not a little small town bus that take the dreaming rats to
8:46
New York, maybe we should invent one.
8:49
Uh, yeah.
8:50
It's time for the invention of the week.
8:54
Inventions.
8:58
Yeah.
8:59
It is.
9:00
I like at this point
9:01
me trying to do those transitions
9:04
and you were like,
9:05
all right, yeah, okay.
9:07
I saw you nodding and you almost rolled your eyes.
9:09
No, that's not true.
9:10
That seemed like, yeah.
9:12
No.
9:13
All right, okay, okay.
9:14
I love it.
9:15
Okay, good.
9:16
I'm giving you no indication that I don't.
9:19
Except for this.
9:21
You might even say you've invented
9:22
no indication that you don't.
9:26
What do I say to that?
9:29
I was lost in thought
9:30
because you were talking about
9:31
rats on a little bus.
9:33
like dreaming rats and then it made me think of a whole rat world
9:36
just like you know like in Howard the Duck how he's
9:39
he's got his own little duck life I haven't seen
9:42
Howard the Duck you could probably skip it
9:45
that's the one with what's her face
9:48
from yeah Leah Thompson yeah Leah Thompson
9:51
thank you yeah oh yeah I kept thinking Leah Remini
9:54
and I was like that's not it no
9:56
Howard the Scientologist
9:59
no but I like little worlds
10:03
where like everything is different
10:05
because I think like what are different things that could happen
10:07
in it
10:08
kind of like when we looked at the miniatures
10:10
like I love imagining other worlds
10:13
yeah
10:14
that's great
10:16
oh back to my invention
10:18
back to my invention
10:21
okay you're winding up
10:26
do you know
10:27
how fashion,
10:31
people love fashion. Oh, do I ever?
10:34
Do you know how
10:35
you think
10:37
that there's never going to be a new
10:40
thing and then there
10:42
is, there always is a new thing.
10:44
Yeah.
10:45
Well, I got a new thing.
10:47
You're inventing new fashion? A new fashion.
10:49
Yay.
10:51
Yeah.
10:55
Here's the new thing.
10:56
Okay.
10:57
It is gloves that the fingers come out.
11:03
They extend.
11:04
So like you put the glove on and it looks like regular hands.
11:08
But keep going.
11:09
Sorry.
11:10
You in the glove, you push the end of the glove and the finger extends.
11:15
And it could be any and all fingers at once.
11:18
So if you need to push a button that's far away, you can make your finger longer.
11:24
if you have a question in class that no one's paying attention,
11:28
your hands can get long.
11:32
You know?
11:33
Yeah.
11:34
I like that this is classified as fashion and not function.
11:38
It's both.
11:39
Which is the best hallmark of fashion?
11:41
Yeah.
11:41
What can it do?
11:42
Yeah.
11:43
Yeah.
11:44
So, I mean, I just think this is great because obviously
11:46
you can get the gloves to look like anything you want.
11:48
Any color, material.
11:50
Rocko's modern life.
11:52
Yep.
11:54
it's interesting you should say that Joe because yes.
11:57
Um,
11:58
but I just thought this came to me while I was on an elevator,
12:04
the back of an elevator,
12:06
perhaps you're like,
12:08
I don't want to step forward.
12:09
And you would be like,
12:11
Oh six,
12:12
you know,
12:12
seven,
12:12
please.
12:13
It's like,
12:14
or I put my finger out and I do it myself.
12:18
That would be so weird.
12:20
Accidentally poke you.
12:21
If you're just like,
12:23
well,
12:23
yes,
12:24
definitely this again i this will be utilized by pervs pervs they're part of our world i can't
12:32
invent around i know you can't i'm not blaming you for the pervs i'm just uh sadly that's
12:37
that's just the first thing i think of is how are pervs going to misuse this um that would be
12:45
really funny if i was on an elevator and all of a sudden there's just like like a finger extending
12:50
past me to press the button.
12:53
Yeah.
12:53
I just think it's fun.
12:55
It's easy to produce.
12:57
I know people would like it.
12:59
How quickly do they retract?
13:00
I'm still thinking about the pervs because if it quickly retracts,
13:04
someone could inappropriately poke you and then quickly retract
13:08
and you wouldn't know who it was.
13:09
It's not a controlled return, so it's not too fast or too slow.
13:12
You don't want it too fast because you don't want to jam your finger.
13:14
That's true.
13:15
Good thinking.
13:16
Yeah.
13:16
Well, the boys in R&D.
13:18
Oh, that was them?
13:19
Yeah.
13:20
Good job, boys.
13:21
Yeah.
13:22
A little something extra in your paycheck this week.
13:24
Yeah.
13:26
That's great.
13:27
Okay.
13:28
Yeah.
13:28
I don't know why I feel like this is primarily for elevators.
13:33
You know, it's like maybe we could bring back old world Hollywood.
13:37
I'm picturing them as like to the elbows.
13:40
Yes, I was too.
13:41
Okay, good.
13:42
Yeah, definitely.
13:42
I don't know why that was my thought, but it didn't even.
13:45
Yeah.
13:45
Yeah, I love that.
13:46
And the longer it is because we can have extra finger in the case,
13:50
in the casing.
13:51
So it can go even longer.
13:53
Oh,
13:54
okay.
13:54
So yeah.
13:54
What is the,
13:55
what is the,
13:57
like,
13:57
what is the finger material?
13:59
Cause it needs to be something strong enough so that you can push.
14:02
Yeah.
14:03
But it can't go like too long.
14:05
Cause like,
14:06
or it needs to be sturdy.
14:07
Right.
14:07
Right.
14:07
Yeah.
14:08
So,
14:08
but then once it's long,
14:11
can you like retract them?
14:12
Can you move them like fingers?
14:13
No,
14:13
no,
14:14
no,
14:14
no.
14:15
they're kind of like, I'm the wooden boy. Um, okay.
14:29
But you love it, right? Oh yeah. I mean, yeah. Who wouldn't want this? Uh, um,
14:39
so elevators, could we also have like, have you ever seen those like
14:45
forks, like the really long forks,
14:48
like where it's like an extendable fork.
14:50
It's kind of like a prank.
14:51
Yeah, take a bite of someone's food.
14:52
Like from across the table.
14:53
Yeah, I've seen that.
14:54
Yeah.
14:55
It's like that kind of in a way, I guess.
14:57
Not really though.
14:58
Can we, yeah, attach different things to the end of the...
15:01
Oh, the initial product is just the springboard.
15:05
Okay.
15:06
Like we can do anything.
15:08
If you can dream it, we can do it.
15:09
Tiny icicles with which to cut through cloth.
15:13
Tiny icicles.
15:14
Like finger shark toes?
15:15
Yeah.
15:16
Oh, yeah.
15:17
I don't know why that didn't occur to me immediately.
15:19
Yeah.
15:19
Yes.
15:20
Wow.
15:21
Absolutely.
15:21
Yeah, we can integrate it with our other inventions.
15:23
And people will probably...
15:25
Steve, Tony, Carmichael, Bartholomew, the boys down in R&D, they'll take care of it.
15:30
Yeah.
15:30
Don't ask me to repeat those names, though, because I've already forgotten them.
15:38
So...
15:38
Cool.
15:42
I'm also picturing it like kind of a silky material.
15:45
Yes.
15:45
Okay.
15:46
Yeah.
15:47
People would just be wearing this all the time?
15:49
Yes.
15:50
For whenever you need it.
15:51
It's once a generation, a product happens that changes the way consumers consume.
15:58
It's going to be like a watch.
16:00
Yeah.
16:01
Yeah.
16:01
Yeah.
16:02
In fact, you don't have it, you're catching side eye.
16:05
Yeah.
16:05
Yeah.
16:06
I know.
16:07
And then it also serves to keep your hands clean.
16:15
Oh, yeah.
16:15
It's the iPhone of handwear, really.
16:18
We are going to get legal clearance to use that officially.
16:21
Yeah.
16:21
It's the G1.
16:23
The Android G1.
16:27
That was actually technically before the iPhone.
16:31
I'm pretty sure.
16:32
I believe you.
16:33
You're wrong about nothing.
16:34
they were came out pretty close to each other but that was the first i'm gay no i'm gay
16:39
i can feel your breath on my neck yep they came out close to each other
16:44
yep proximity uh good gay pun thank you came to me in a dream came out to me yeah
16:54
what are some other scenarios that we would want to extend our fingers hailing a cab
17:06
hmm oh it also if you're really pissed you could keep all your fingers
17:10
the same leg and then just the middle one how what how do you trigger it how do you
17:16
so inside the glove so you know how there like little on switches like the tiny square type ones It will be polished I just trying to give you a visual
17:27
So, you put your hand in the glove,
17:29
and your fingers, you can feel where the switch is, right?
17:33
And you move it.
17:35
So, you activate it.
17:37
And then when you want it to come back, you turn it off.
17:40
It would be cool if we could get like segue technology in there
17:43
where it just kind of intuits what your fingers want to do.
17:46
so if you just slightly do this
17:48
and then retract
17:48
maybe we could do it haptically
17:51
so you could shimmy a finger
17:54
and then it activates it
17:55
again I'm thinking the perv community
17:58
yeah
18:01
we'll figure out how to do it
18:04
it'll be intuitive
18:05
it also could be
18:08
vocal coded
18:09
then that would actually stop the perv community
18:12
because then
18:13
you were saying earlier
18:15
Like what if someone pokes you real quick and then go go index finger.
18:18
I heard that.
18:21
Exactly.
18:22
Yeah.
18:23
Yeah.
18:25
Yeah.
18:26
Uh,
18:28
would you,
18:29
what would you,
18:30
in what scenario would you want to have all of your fingers go bigger as
18:35
opposed to just like a couple of them or one or two?
18:38
Um,
18:38
when you really need to get someone's attention,
18:40
it could be an SOS situation.
18:41
Oh,
18:42
okay.
18:42
Good point.
18:43
You could be needing to hold a bunch of stuff.
18:45
Good point.
18:45
That could be a name.
18:47
What?
18:48
Good point.
18:49
Oh, yeah.
18:51
Okay.
18:51
Write it down.
18:53
Hold a bunch of stuff.
18:55
Sorry.
18:55
I rarely ever have a name idea.
18:58
I had to make sure that that one didn't go by.
19:00
Keep going.
19:02
What more could be said?
19:03
If you're SOS situation.
19:05
Or if you need to hold a bunch of stuff.
19:07
Or if you're a bird lover and you want them to land on you.
19:11
But you want them to land on you, but they're still not quite sure about you,
19:15
so they've got to be several feet away.
19:17
Yeah.
19:18
What do you think the maximum length that this is extending?
19:23
24 inches.
19:24
That's it?
19:27
That's a lot.
19:28
That's two feet per finger.
19:31
Yeah.
19:31
Keep in mind, this mechanism has to be housed in the glove.
19:35
I know.
19:36
It's like...
19:37
out to here
19:39
out a long way
19:41
that's a lot
19:42
reminder
19:44
this is an elevator
19:46
based invention
19:47
that's true
19:49
so it probably won't
19:50
work as well in
19:51
service elevators
19:52
because they're bigger
19:53
because you
19:55
if you're farther
19:56
back in the service
19:57
elevator
19:57
you'd step up
19:58
a little
19:59
what if you're
20:01
pinned behind a
20:01
couch because you're
20:02
moving it
20:03
and you're like
20:04
okay
20:04
I can't reach
20:05
oh no
20:06
only it was three feet
20:06
I don't know. That didn't come up in testing.
20:10
Okay.
20:12
I guess two extra feet of fingers is probably enough.
20:17
She came around.
20:18
Yeah.
20:20
It's a real doink.
20:21
That's another name. Two feet of fingers.
20:22
Two feet of fingers?
20:24
Two finger foot. No.
20:26
No.
20:29
$5 foot long.
20:31
and they're going to be strong so they
20:37
can hold their own weight
20:39
and then obviously strong enough to press something and not collapse
20:43
trust the science
20:45
thank you, I will
20:49
great
20:52
do you want to role play a scenario in which these might be useful
20:56
yeah of course, I need the audience to understand how great they are
20:59
Okay.
21:01
Um,
21:02
all right.
21:03
We'll be in,
21:03
we'll be in an elevator.
21:04
Oh,
21:04
good.
21:05
You took it to heart.
21:06
Yeah.
21:07
Ding.
21:08
Oh,
21:09
oh,
21:09
sorry.
21:10
Oh,
21:10
no problem.
21:11
Hi.
21:11
Hi.
21:11
Nice day,
21:12
huh?
21:12
Gorgeous day.
21:13
Oh,
21:13
we're,
21:14
oh,
21:15
it's appropriate to be in this elevator.
21:16
I would rather be outside right now.
21:18
I know.
21:19
Um,
21:20
I broke all my fingers recently,
21:22
so I can't push the button for you.
21:25
Oh,
21:26
I'm sorry.
21:27
Oh,
21:28
hey,
21:28
hey,
21:29
Hey, hey, hey.
21:30
I'm sorry.
21:31
Hey, even though I'm an arm's length but two feet also,
21:37
in addition to that, away from you.
21:39
Yeah.
21:40
Here, here, come here.
21:41
What is this?
21:41
I'm going to comfort you.
21:42
Stop crying.
21:43
What is this?
21:45
Come into my giant fingers.
21:46
They're beautiful.
21:48
Here, I'm stroking your face so you don't have to cry anymore.
21:50
Your fingers are going beyond my head.
21:52
I know.
21:52
Oh, my God.
21:53
Because I want to cradle your head with my giant fingers.
21:56
This is crazy.
21:57
This is crazy.
21:57
Yeah.
21:57
But also, don't I look amazing?
22:00
Me too.
22:01
Floor, please.
22:04
I'm also going to four.
22:06
So when we get there, I can carry you out.
22:09
Keep holding your head.
22:12
It's okay.
22:14
Go to sleep.
22:15
Oh, yes.
22:16
I've been fingered.
22:21
It's okay.
22:22
It's going to be okay.
22:23
Bing.
22:24
Here we are.
22:25
Floor of four.
22:25
We both get out.
22:26
Are you scared?
22:28
Come with me
22:28
Hold my long fingers
22:29
I'll take you wherever
22:30
We need to go
22:31
Oh my god
22:31
This is great
22:32
Oh
22:32
Oh
22:33
You're getting closer to me
22:34
It's because I'm retracting
22:35
My fingers
22:36
Oh what's happening
22:36
I want to be closer to you
22:38
Oh my stomach hurts
22:39
Keep holding my fingers
22:40
Keep holding
22:42
They're going away
22:44
Oh no they're not going away
22:45
It's gone
22:46
We're holding hands now
22:47
You tricked me
22:48
They're just going in me
22:49
You're baby trapping me
22:50
Shh
22:52
All right
22:53
I'll have your baby
22:54
Oh
22:56
That ended well.
22:58
Yeah.
22:58
I could see, oh, that had multiple applications in one.
23:03
Yeah.
23:04
You know, I didn't think it would lead to love, but it did.
23:07
And a baby.
23:11
First comes love, then comes two feet of fingers,
23:16
then comes the baby of the baby carriage.
23:19
Yeah.
23:20
Yeah.
23:20
Should do that in a song.
23:22
So, listeners.
23:23
we got you
23:26
you're alone out there
23:29
if you're alone listening to this
23:31
we got you
23:32
in a warm bubble bath thinking
23:34
when is Mr. or Miss Right
23:37
gonna come along
23:38
we got you
23:41
we got you
23:42
strap on your good points
23:45
is that
23:48
Joe what do you got
23:49
I kind of like two feet of fingers better
23:51
I was thinking
23:52
I like how the one name I come with you like this is the best we can do like
23:58
pinky promise or like
24:00
Hansy Hansy hotel.
24:08
I know elevators can be everywhere,
24:10
but I always picture this at a hotel.
24:11
Bye bye Bellman.
24:15
Cause now you're doing it alone.
24:22
Great.
24:22
Now the union is going to be up our ass.
24:25
Oh, whatever.
24:31
Andy hotel.
24:32
Okay.
24:32
That was the other one.
24:33
Okay.
24:35
Joe.
24:41
I'm sticking by two feet of fingers.
24:42
Two feet of fingers.
24:43
I think the other ones are good.
24:44
Okay.
24:44
I like them all.
24:45
Thank you.
24:48
Yeah.
24:48
Great.
24:51
Yeah.
24:51
Palm
24:52
Greeter
24:57
Palm
24:58
Daddy long fingers
25:00
Oh write that down too
25:01
And palm greeter
25:03
Don't forget it
25:04
Going back to palm reader
25:07
Palm greeter
25:08
Daddy long fingers
25:12
Mommy long fingers
25:17
That's the baby that we just had
25:20
Wow.
25:21
Time will go so fast.
25:23
Thank you, baby.
25:26
Okay, another successful one.
25:28
God, we are rich.
25:29
Thank God for that.
25:30
It's about time.
25:32
Yep.
25:32
Go to veryfinefriends.com.
25:34
Pick up your handsy hotel, your palm greeter, your bye-bye bellman.
25:41
Okay, I like that because of the alliteration.
25:43
I know.
25:44
Yeah.
25:45
And then we could, like, bye-bye birdie.
25:48
Oh, maybe that's...
25:50
subconsciously where it came from.
25:55
I gonna miss you so Okay great Okay Congratulations Thank you Thank you That wraps up the invention of the week
26:08
Okay.
26:09
Well, strap on your pinky promise.
26:15
It's time for our next segment.
26:18
Your mother and I dot, dot, dot.
26:21
Kids, your mother and I
26:24
Are going to kill you
26:27
Alright, what about it?
26:32
Well
26:32
I think there's just no way
26:37
No way to break this
26:39
It's just the only way out is through, Francis
26:42
Better rip off that band-aid
26:44
Yeah, what does that mean?
26:46
Joe
26:47
What?
26:47
Honey
26:48
What?
26:50
Honey, could you come in here real quick?
26:51
Yeah, I'm here.
26:53
Hi.
26:54
Hey.
26:57
Your father and I have something to tell you.
27:01
What?
27:02
No.
27:04
Just tell him.
27:05
You've never spoken to me in all these years, I assume, because you were so in love.
27:09
I remember love.
27:12
Okay.
27:13
All right, Gerald.
27:15
Can you just...
27:16
We're just trying to do this thing.
27:18
Yes, Nadine.
27:19
I can just.
27:21
Okay.
27:22
All right.
27:23
Fine.
27:25
Gerald and I, your father,
27:28
we have some news.
27:32
And I don't want you to get upset, buddy.
27:35
Okay?
27:37
But we're getting a divorce.
27:45
Divorce?
27:46
Yeah.
27:46
I've never heard that word before.
27:47
But it's, it means he's still going to be your dad and I'm going to still be your mom.
27:56
But it's, we're just not going to be your dad and your mom in the same place.
28:04
The family's breaking up, son.
28:06
Yes.
28:07
What?
28:07
And I'll give you one guess as to why.
28:11
Yeah.
28:12
Yeah.
28:12
Yeah.
28:13
It's you.
28:13
Wait, why?
28:14
You both agreed so quickly.
28:15
It's the one thing we've agreed on in the last.
28:18
It's pretty obvious, hon.
28:19
What?
28:21
Yeah.
28:22
I'm sorry.
28:23
Do you think the fact that you agree that you're leaving because of me,
28:29
maybe that means you could stay together?
28:32
That's too tenuous a thread, I'm afraid.
28:34
Yeah, you'll still be there.
28:36
I know.
28:37
Legally, one of us has to hang on to you.
28:39
What if...
28:41
Can we arrange a custody situation?
28:45
We're trying to arrange a full time.
28:48
I'm trying to make sure your father gets full custody.
28:52
I'm insisting on rock, paper, scissors.
28:54
Best two out of three.
28:55
Okay.
28:56
But yeah, I'm sorry, Gerald.
28:58
We can't do it that way.
29:00
Why not?
29:00
Because you know I always shoot with scissors first.
29:03
That's an unfair advantage.
29:05
Nadine, you had the thing.
29:09
Yes, I know.
29:10
That's true.
29:10
I did come out of you, Nadine.
29:11
Such a gross thing to say at this moment.
29:14
Don't call me Nadine
29:16
I'm sorry
29:18
I'm very confused about the no more mommy and daddy thing
29:21
Joe, I told your mother
29:23
That
29:25
When we got married
29:27
I said
29:28
The only thing that matters to me
29:29
Is that nothing ever changes
29:31
And she said it won't
29:33
I did, I did say that
29:34
And then it did
29:37
And you were the change
29:38
Now
29:40
You get priority
29:41
I hate that
29:43
But you can't spell challenge without change, Papa.
29:47
Hold on.
29:50
He's fact-checking you.
29:53
That checks out.
29:55
See, this is another reason why I don't want to be with you, Gerald.
29:59
You had to write that down to know whether or not that was true.
30:05
I don't think I can be with a man who can't quickly see the letters C-H-A-M-G-E.
30:10
Oh, no. Don't make this your idea. I wanted to end it.
30:12
okay all right well maybe did you ever think that having this little piece of shit
30:17
was my passive aggressive way of ending the marriage yes i did actually i thought about
30:22
that numerous times yeah so maybe a smart one yeah i will i that's on you mr challenge change
30:29
i english is my second language no it's not you can't just say that because you you cooed and
30:37
and baby noised first.
30:40
Baby noises is not a language.
30:42
I did that too.
30:42
Shut up.
30:44
Your father right out of the middle of something.
30:45
We are.
30:46
And how dare you deny my French heritage?
30:50
I, you're not French.
30:52
You're Canadian.
30:53
And you're not even from Quebec.
30:55
Blew.
30:56
No, uh-uh.
30:57
Oui, oui.
30:58
Don't you dare say beef in a weird way.
31:00
Booth?
31:01
No.
31:02
God damn it, Gerald.
31:04
I turned American for you.
31:06
Nadine. Okay. All right. Well, you did a bad job. You still say a boot.
31:14
What I'm talking about, one of my pointed shoes.
31:18
You would even let me raise our son, French Canadian. That's why I don't like him.
31:22
You're from Saskatchewan. You're not from Quebec. You're not French Canadian.
31:30
You don't. All my favorite shows are from French Canadia. You know that.
31:35
Yeah, you keep saying that you're part of the Quebecois.
31:39
And I'm like, no, you're not.
31:41
Just being in the same country does not mean that you're from the same place.
31:46
Je m'appelle Gérald.
31:50
I can't.
31:51
We're not having the Canada fight again.
31:52
Okay, fine.
31:54
I already burned my passport in effigy.
31:57
Regretting that right about now.
31:59
That's right.
31:59
You can't get back into Canada.
32:01
Yeah, I'm stuck here.
32:02
So what you guys are saying is...
32:03
Oh my God, you're still here.
32:05
You came to voice because of Canada, not because of me.
32:08
No, it's you.
32:09
It's you.
32:09
It's you, for sure.
32:10
It's Canada.
32:11
She did let me do that.
32:13
The Canada thing just exists.
32:15
It just, that's like, it's like the embers of the fire are you.
32:19
And then the Canada thing is just like a wind that like blows in it.
32:23
And mostly it's your hobbies, your time taking hobbies.
32:25
That takes away from my life.
32:28
Yeah.
32:29
Yeah.
32:30
Your goddamn hobbies.
32:31
What you mean?
32:31
Like my stamp collecting?
32:33
That's exactly what I'm talking about.
32:34
Yeah.
32:35
Who, what?
32:37
19-year-old stamp collects.
32:40
And won't even let his father take one for an emergency letter that had to get out.
32:44
No, I know.
32:44
I'm the youngest collector in the nation.
32:47
Yeah, by like 37 years.
32:51
Oh, do you need to write down to do the math on that one, Gerald?
32:53
I'm doing it in my head.
32:54
It's 56.
32:55
I did it in my head.
32:56
Yeah, okay.
32:57
Uh-huh.
32:58
Mm-hmm.
33:00
Anyway.
33:02
Yeah.
33:05
You're stamp collecting?
33:06
I burned them.
33:07
What?
33:08
I burned them ahead of this conversation.
33:10
Yes.
33:11
They're aflame.
33:13
They're aflame and they're full of suit.
33:16
Suit?
33:17
What about?
33:19
Oh.
33:20
Oh, you slipped.
33:21
The Canadian slipped.
33:22
I'm sorry.
33:23
It's who I am.
33:25
They're full of suit.
33:28
You know what else we hate about you?
33:31
What?
33:31
We hate.
33:32
There's more?
33:33
Yes.
33:33
There's a lot more.
33:35
We hate that you want to be around us for dinner all the time.
33:40
Yeah.
33:40
Can't I have dinner with my wife?
33:41
Just one freaking time.
33:44
We'd like to split a Cornish game hen and not have you there.
33:47
But that's what I asked you to about your day.
33:50
Yeah, and we hate that, by the way.
33:52
Yeah, we used to have a nice, naked husband and wife dinner.
33:55
Where we didn't talk at all.
33:56
What?
33:57
Yes, before you came along.
33:59
Now I'm clothed.
34:01
Yeah.
34:02
I insisted upon it once you came.
34:05
It's another passive-aggressive thing I did.
34:07
That was a change.
34:08
Oh, you didn't need to tell me.
34:11
Wait.
34:12
Hmm?
34:12
Hmm?
34:13
Hmm?
34:13
Wait, was that an insult?
34:14
Yeah.
34:15
It was.
34:17
You, oh, you suddenly wanted me clothed, didn't you?
34:20
Hmm.
34:22
That's how you got there.
34:24
Hmm.
34:24
God damn it.
34:26
Look, I don't want to hurt my own case here, but I'm realizing, well, as you said before,
34:32
I'm 19 years old
34:33
so
34:33
it's not like
34:35
you guys have
34:35
a legal obligation
34:37
to take care of me
34:38
that really pisses me off
34:39
why aren't you still here
34:40
well no
34:41
you went to the courts
34:42
and legally
34:43
You went to Congress and you said, I'd like to change the legal age where parents are still responsible for their children to be 56.
34:52
56, yes.
34:53
And you got it passed.
34:54
And you got it passed.
34:54
I did.
34:55
They call it Joe's Law.
34:56
I'm very influential in front of a group of people.
35:00
Yeah.
35:00
Except this group, apparently.
35:01
Yeah.
35:03
Yeah.
35:03
The whole country hates you, by the way.
35:04
Oh.
35:05
Yeah.
35:06
They all hate that you did that.
35:07
Not 56-year-olds.
35:08
Well, no, 56-year-olds are just getting their freedom.
35:10
They're finally out of the house.
35:13
They're finally running around doing whatever they want.
35:15
We could have loved you.
35:17
There was a slim chance that we could have been fine with you.
35:22
Do you think it's because you don't love you?
35:25
No, I love me.
35:26
Yeah, I love me.
35:27
Does Nadine love Nadine?
35:29
Does Gerald love Gerald?
35:30
It's weird when you say it.
35:33
Yeah.
35:34
Yes, Nadine loves Nadine.
35:36
Yeah, I'm sure I'll admit it.
35:37
But does...
35:39
Oh, sorry, go ahead.
35:40
I was just going to say at one point,
35:41
Gerald, love Nadine.
35:44
I gotta ask, actually,
35:45
what's the story between Gerald and Nadine?
35:49
Well?
35:50
Hugh!
35:52
That's the story now, but
35:53
when we did love each other,
35:55
it was a different story.
35:56
I think he's asking about the chronology of it.
36:00
The timeline?
36:01
Yeah.
36:01
Yes.
36:02
Gerald, tell me,
36:04
how did you meet my mother, Nadine?
36:07
It was a French-Canadian night.
36:11
In Detroit.
36:13
Yes, she remembers it well.
36:15
I had just finished smoking a long cigarette
36:18
and putting a baguette away like a sword.
36:23
She saw me from across the parking lot.
36:26
He was talking to a young grocery cart employee,
36:34
the guy that collects the grocery cart,
36:36
and he kept saying,
36:37
it's actually whomever.
36:39
it's whomever
36:41
not whoever
36:43
and I just thought
36:46
his command of the English language
36:48
was really impressive
36:50
you never told me that
36:51
oh yeah the way you did that
36:53
the way you condescended to that young man
36:56
going whomever
36:58
remember when he said there's no I in team
37:00
and I said hold on
37:01
let me check
37:02
give me a minute
37:02
yeah
37:03
I was like he's right
37:04
yep
37:05
the broken clock is right twice a day
37:07
yeah
37:07
then we got him fired
37:09
yeah
37:10
That's right.
37:11
And we made love in the hatchback.
37:13
Yep.
37:14
Whosoever's that was.
37:15
Thank God they left it open.
37:17
Yeah.
37:19
It was magical, actually.
37:22
It really was magical.
37:23
We were just on the high of getting a poor minimum wage worker fired.
37:30
Ah, yes.
37:31
And then your wig slipped off during lovemaking, and I found out I love bald women.
37:36
Yeah.
37:36
wait nadine you're bald shut up joe we're in the middle of something we're reminiscing
37:44
yeah that's right you think your hair is real you got that from me
37:49
oh no you're right yeah turns out i don't like bald sons
37:55
well do you think that you could put your differences aside and just disregard
38:05
whoever gets in the way of
38:08
your love.
38:10
Have you learned nothing from this reverie?
38:11
Reverie?
38:17
Mon cher.
38:20
I was just thinking about that night.
38:24
That French-Canadian night.
38:28
The way
38:28
you took a head of cabbage
38:31
and put it behind my head as a pillow.
38:33
And then it came up a little bit
38:34
And it looked like Dracula's haircut.
38:36
And we laughed.
38:37
Yeah.
38:38
We laughed.
38:39
And then after you found out my wig slipped,
38:41
and then you put the wig on the head of cabbage,
38:44
and we laughed even more.
38:46
And we bought a cabbage every week and wigged it.
38:49
We wigged our cabbage.
38:52
We wigged it so good.
38:53
Oh, my God.
38:55
Every week, a different wig.
38:56
And then we moved on to other vegetables.
38:59
Yeah.
39:01
Potato didn't work so well, but it was worth a shot.
39:03
It was worth a shot.
39:04
I don't know.
39:08
What?
39:09
Gerald, were we too fast?
39:10
I think we've been too fast.
39:13
I think...
39:14
I want another shot.
39:14
I want another shot, too.
39:15
I want to make it work.
39:16
I do, too.
39:18
There's only one thing we can do.
39:20
Kill him.
39:21
We have to kill him.
39:22
This was all because of me.
39:26
Wow.
39:28
All right, come here, you little asshole.
39:33
Hmm.
39:34
That's a nice love story.
39:36
Yeah, that was really nice.
39:37
That was really sweet.
39:40
I'm glad they got back together.
39:41
You should get a French can of some time.
39:42
Yeah.
39:44
I love that the thing that drove them apart
39:46
was actually what brought them together.
39:48
Isn't that always how it goes?
39:49
I know.
39:49
It was like a Nora Ephron movie.
39:52
Yeah.
39:54
It's pronounced Zac Efron.
39:57
And she's amazing.
39:58
It's pronounced Nora Zac.
40:02
That's beautiful.
40:03
Yeah.
40:04
That wraps up your mother and I.
40:10
Kids, your father and I have decided to let you live for at least another year.
40:15
Well, now that love is in the air, should we move on to our final segment?
40:23
Yeah.
40:23
Okay.
40:25
Cool.
40:26
The final segment, the big question.
40:30
The question is very big.
40:33
Jenna.
40:34
Do you have a big question?
40:36
No.
40:38
Do you?
40:38
Yeah, yeah, I got it.
40:39
Oh, good.
40:39
Thank God.
40:40
Okay.
40:42
My big question is,
40:45
my big question is,
40:50
how would you,
40:51
and I'm going to leave this as wide open as possible.
40:53
Okay.
40:54
So you can really tackle it any way you want.
40:56
And so you don't need to ask me anything like,
40:58
what about this?
40:58
What about this?
40:59
Whatever you want to do.
41:00
This is your pony.
41:01
You ride it any way you want.
41:02
All right.
41:04
If I said you have to drive someone insane over any period of time using any method how would you do it is this similar to the what we
41:29
did a few weeks ago what was that uh where we it's like how would you psychologically torture
41:36
someone?
41:38
Is this...
41:41
Is it?
41:43
Is it?
41:44
I think it's a little similar.
41:47
Oh, okay.
41:48
I had the same thought for both, which was
41:50
immediately something with
41:51
adjusting the height of the shoes day by day.
41:55
Okay, give me a second.
41:56
I'm going to a backup question.
41:59
My backup question is...
42:00
is.
42:05
Hmm.
42:09
This does get hard sometimes.
42:10
I know it does. I apologize for making you
42:12
do the heaven lifting. No, no, no. The heaven lifting?
42:14
The heaven lifting, yeah. Look, I got heaven up here!
42:17
You got heaven on your
42:18
shoulders.
42:20
I'm gonna say...
42:22
Hmm.
42:26
Okay. Quick pivot.
42:28
Okay. How would you turn
42:30
a good person evil?
42:34
Ooh.
42:36
And clip out all the earlier shit
42:38
so it looks like it's my real question.
42:42
What a great,
42:43
great first question.
42:46
First big question
42:47
of the day.
42:49
You nailed it right out of the gate.
42:52
First thought, best thought.
42:53
I'm glad you didn't double.
42:55
I'm glad you didn't question yourself.
42:57
Yeah, I don't do that.
42:58
This is why you do all the heaven lifting around here.
43:00
Amen. Look, I got heaven up here.
43:03
He's got heaven on his shoulders.
43:05
Ooh, that's new.
43:08
Okay, if I had to make a good
43:10
person evil,
43:17
I
43:17
would
43:18
um
43:19
Alright. Let's see.
43:24
What kind of a person would I want to
43:25
like the real do-goody types
43:28
types that are
43:30
like always doing charity work and whatever that you know like they're always volunteering places
43:38
whatever the annoying kind that rub it in your face and are not like i'll i want to turn one of
43:42
those people evil yeah vegan yeah sure um saying you can make a meat out animal products
43:51
yeah that would be fun tell them later that's how i'd that's how i'd make them go insane yeah
43:58
Too bad that wasn't a good question
44:01
Maybe that was my first idea next week
44:06
So
44:10
Alright so I would start
44:12
Also
44:14
Volunteering
44:17
At whatever places
44:20
I'll pick my target
44:21
I'm going to say my target
44:24
Her name is Lily
44:25
That bitch
44:28
I hate her already.
44:29
I know.
44:30
Oh, beautiful white flower.
44:32
They're not all white.
44:35
Well, whatever.
44:36
I'm picturing white lilies like the kind you send in death.
44:40
Okay.
44:42
So we'd be at the food bank, whatever, both doing stuff, right?
44:51
I'd be like, wow, you're such a good person.
44:54
You're so great.
44:54
Like, you're really inspiring me.
44:56
Like I want to like follow your regimen and shit.
44:58
And she, of course, would be very self-deprecating.
45:03
Oh, no, no, no.
45:04
I just, this is like the least I can do.
45:06
I'm just kind of trying to give back, blah, blah, blah.
45:08
Like I feel like I got so much from the world and I'd be like, oh, okay.
45:12
All right, Lily.
45:15
You're really, really teaching me something.
45:17
And I pretend like she's inspiring me.
45:19
Like it's like a mentorship, whatever.
45:22
So I, let's say, um, she, I'd start setting up, start setting up scenarios where, uh, so like she's at a food bank, right? And we're doing food banky things. I would set up, uh, set it up so that like whatever she did actually causes like a lot of damage.
45:50
Yeah. So, um, for example, if she brings, uh, a bunch of cans of creamed corn or whatever to donate, and then she's puts him in all these different bags, I would, um, inject the cans of creamed corn with some kind of something that may, gives people food poisoning.
46:14
right maybe a paralytic oh even better a paralytic so then you'd have whole needy families that are
46:21
paralyzed and they would trace it back to like they'd be because obviously this would be like
46:27
an outbreak you'd be like how did how did this happen and they'd trace it back and they'd be like
46:31
came from the corn and then she'd be like that was my corn i did that i did that and i'd be like
46:38
lily lily you can't blame yourself this was an act of god situation right this is not
46:43
this is
46:45
this was not your fault
46:48
okay you don't give up
46:50
on trying to do the right thing
46:51
and then she would be like thank you so much
46:54
thank you so much and then the next
46:56
day we'd be
46:57
volunteering
47:00
at a no kill
47:02
shelter because she
47:04
does that too
47:05
don't worry I'm not
47:08
going to kill the animals
47:09
she is
47:11
Lily is
47:13
and yeah and uh then she'd find a bunch of poor animals that were otherwise going to be put down
47:25
if they went to a different shelter she'd find them homes right but then i would uh i would uh
47:31
in this scenario i have my own um printing press and my own paper that's been in regular
47:39
circulation for years.
47:40
So she, she's aware of this paper and it's like a local community paper.
47:44
So she's aware of it.
47:45
She doesn't know I run it and it's all been part of my elaborate plot to like
47:49
put things.
47:50
And then um I going to uh but but she also doesn know is I going to hire actors like all one day Like she was like today was my best day ever I found seven new dogs homes
48:02
And then I'm going to have stories over like the next few days of like, like local pedophile
48:11
and caught.
48:12
And it's going to be a picture of like somebody that when he's got the dog and she's like,
48:16
that was, I can't believe I got it.
48:18
I can't believe that dog went to some more of a serial killer caught.
48:22
And it's like a picture with the dog.
48:25
So then she's like,
48:26
Oh my God,
48:27
are my instincts off?
48:28
And is every,
48:29
like,
48:29
am I just,
48:30
I thought they were all good people.
48:32
And then I'd be like,
48:34
you,
48:34
you thought they were good people.
48:36
You couldn't tell that they were bad people.
48:39
Okay.
48:40
Well,
48:40
I'm sure that doesn't mean you're evil just because they were just because
48:45
you saw these people and you thought they were good people.
48:47
And then they ended up being like the most evil people in our town.
48:51
It's not like you saw yourself in them.
48:52
Yeah, exactly.
48:55
And then I'd set up another fake charity that she goes to volunteer at.
49:04
And this is a charity that gives orphans nose jobs.
49:17
because they need them.
49:19
Yeah, they're trying to get a doctor.
49:20
Not cosmetic.
49:21
Yeah, I get it.
49:22
Oh, no, no.
49:23
No, not, no.
49:23
Oh.
49:25
No, not because they need them
49:27
because they got big old honkers.
49:29
No, because they have septum problems or whatever.
49:32
Oh, okay.
49:33
I'm with you now.
49:33
Yeah.
49:34
I liked it both ways.
49:36
Either way.
49:37
Or they just need to look a little better
49:40
for the window shoppers out there.
49:41
Non-elective orphan rhinoplasty.
49:44
Yeah.
49:45
Yeah.
49:45
Yes.
49:45
that's a pretty common type of charity yeah yeah um anyway so she's gonna start volunteering
49:54
and this is the one charity i don't volunteer at she doesn't know that this is a charity that
49:58
i've set up it's a fake charity and then um one day she's gonna be there and there's gonna be a
50:09
raid by the cops.
50:11
They're going to be like,
50:13
everybody, everybody,
50:14
we found you. You're mutilating kids.
50:16
You're mutilating kids. And then she's going to be like,
50:18
this is a charity. We'll be like, this is not a charity.
50:21
This is an underground
50:23
mutilation ring.
50:25
And you're a part of it.
50:27
And then she's going to come
50:28
to me and she's going to be like, what?
50:30
This was a charity. And I'm going to be like,
50:32
that wasn't a charity.
50:34
And then I'm going to be like,
50:36
that's so clearly not a charity.
50:39
it's in an abandoned warehouse.
50:41
You expect me to believe you didn't know that?
50:43
You knew, like, you can't just call this a charity
50:47
and cover it up for your crimes.
50:49
And then she's going to, like, sorry,
50:51
like, you have to seriously, first,
50:54
the first, you paralyze a whole bunch of people.
50:58
Then, then you give those poor dogs away
51:05
to the most evil people in our town.
51:07
and because you think they're good people,
51:09
you vetted them.
51:11
And then now,
51:13
and then now you're just mutilating children
51:17
and you're calling it charity.
51:20
It's not charity.
51:21
And then she's going to go insane from this,
51:27
but then like, be like,
51:28
I think you need to lean into who you really are, Lily.
51:34
I think you need to lean into who you really are.
51:37
You are not a good person.
51:40
You are not a good person.
51:41
Maybe you'll be happier if you stop pretending like you are.
51:44
Yes.
51:45
Be your authentic self.
51:49
And then when she's in prison, she'll shank somebody and it'll feel pretty good.
51:53
Yeah.
51:53
I imagine it's like a gateway crime.
51:55
Shanking?
51:56
Yeah.
51:56
Well, as far as she's concerned, it's not even a gateway.
51:59
That's actually probably the lesser of her crimes.
52:02
Yeah.
52:02
I like how in your story she gives the dogs to pedophiles,
52:06
but that means that the dogs are safe.
52:10
Love that.
52:11
Yes, I told you.
52:12
And also serial killers, they're not killing the dog.
52:16
This was just a way to show that her moral radar was off.
52:20
Right, yeah.
52:21
Because you can't just like give these animals to anybody.
52:25
Right.
52:26
Okay, I think he worked out a viable solution.
52:31
How would you do it?
52:32
make a good person evil?
52:36
Yeah.
52:39
Well, you had a really good idea.
52:42
So I'm just going to go for a fast, easy way.
52:51
And that means I'm just going to have to start taking away the things that they love.
52:56
Oh.
52:56
You know?
52:56
Yeah.
52:57
So the love of their life, gone.
53:01
Yeah.
53:02
Do you steal them or kill them?
53:06
Have you seen John Wick?
53:07
Yeah, have you seen that movie with Jodie Foster on the subway?
53:12
John Wick.
53:13
Jodie Wick.
53:14
John Wick or Jodie Foster on the subway?
53:17
Yeah, I think her husband or her fiance gets killed,
53:23
and then they steal her dog.
53:25
I don't know if they beat her up,
53:26
but it feels right for this conversation.
53:28
And then she becomes like a vigilante.
53:33
Oh, this does not sound familiar to me.
53:37
Yeah, so basically you start picking off the things that they hold dear.
53:41
Okay.
53:43
And they go to someone for help, like the city or the commissioner or whatever.
53:50
It's called The Brave One, released in 2007.
53:55
It's always nice to know you didn't hallucinate something.
53:57
No, yeah, it's basically how you described it, yeah.
54:01
How about that?
54:02
Nice.
54:03
So anyway, no one helps her.
54:04
What is the commissioner going to do?
54:07
Nothing.
54:08
No, he campaigned on helping people.
54:12
Oh, he did?
54:14
Well, you get into bureaucracy and you realize nothing really can be done.
54:17
Well, yeah, she does, and that's when she gets pissed, right?
54:21
And then every single place she goes, the cops don't help.
54:24
Sorry, there's no leads.
54:27
Sorry.
54:28
And then slowly slowly she realizes that all of these institutions that were meant to help they don help at all And then she decides that nothing matters
54:42
Right.
54:43
And I'm her sidekick at this point.
54:45
I haven't for a while feeding her little lines here and there.
54:48
Yeah.
54:49
And then I'm just like, I'm with you.
54:50
And so like, I'm like, you know, I'm giving her the tools that she needs to slowly become like, I'm not, I'm not trying to like pull her back at all.
55:01
Yeah.
55:01
Yeah.
55:03
Yeah.
55:05
So what do you think?
55:07
I think that would work.
55:09
What are you doing this weekend?
55:12
Oh no.
55:14
What have you done to?
55:16
Everything you hold dear.
55:17
Yeah.
55:18
We'll see.
55:19
Okay.
55:20
Well, I look forward to this journey.
55:22
Thank you.
55:23
Well, we did it.
55:26
Just two good people evil.
55:28
Maybe the same person.
55:29
Oh, man.
55:30
We did double duty on Lily.
55:32
Yeah.
55:33
Sorry.
55:33
Yeah.
55:34
Sorry, Lily.
55:34
You got double duty.
55:35
Sorry, girl.
55:36
Oh, girl.
55:36
Hmm.
55:37
Well, that answers the big question.
55:39
The big question.
55:41
All right.
55:42
One final bit of business, which is secret words.
55:45
I'm telling you right now, I don't think I have it.
55:47
I wrote down very few things.
55:48
I wrote down a lot.
55:49
okay all right i'll go first then okay
55:53
and and several of these words that i wrote down by the way i said
55:59
so if they are if i'm right i'm still kind of wrong okay okay
56:05
wooden no okay you're just so pleased when you said it
56:13
you laughed like a little extra hard like i thought okay now you know what makes me laugh
56:19
it. That was funny.
56:23
Bellman?
56:23
That's my word. It is, and I said it.
56:26
Yeah. I said it multiple times.
56:27
I think maybe just twice. I know, I think you only said it once.
56:30
Well, regardless.
56:32
Oh no, you said it twice, yeah.
56:34
Damn, you got it?
56:35
I thought it was extra smooth with that one.
56:40
Well, I said it multiple times,
56:42
I think. I think I said it twice.
56:44
So that negates the two points
56:46
that I get. But I'm going to guess my
56:47
other words. You still guess it, though. That's great.
56:49
Yeah, I do feel good about that.
56:52
I'm going to guess these other words just in case it's your decoy.
56:55
Okay.
56:56
Chronology.
56:57
That's it.
56:58
Oh, yay!
57:01
My other words were reverie, pony, and commissioner.
57:03
Those all go together.
57:05
I know.
57:07
I felt really confident saying chronology because I thought I'd slipped in Bellman.
57:10
So I wasn't worried about it at all.
57:12
Yeah.
57:14
Good for you.
57:15
I realized after I said Bellman, I was like, I should write that down as a possibility.
57:19
well no well good for you for getting me to say it twice whatever
57:24
um all right
57:28
see what's up okay um pedophile no i just like saying that word lily nope plot nope
57:41
i'm like challenge but i wrote that down as part of the book i was wondering if you were
57:48
going to do that.
57:49
That's funny.
57:50
Raid.
57:51
Nope.
57:52
Orphans.
57:53
Nope.
57:53
Orphan.
57:54
Nope.
57:58
Deprecating.
58:00
That's my word.
58:01
Yes.
58:01
I can't believe you got that because self-deprecating is such a, like that is a common phrase.
58:08
Wow.
58:09
Dang it.
58:10
If I had said self-deprecating, would I have gotten it?
58:12
Well, you, yes, because you said the word deprecating.
58:16
Well, I was thinking about that because when you said self-deprecating, that's self-hyphen deprecating, which is technically one word.
58:23
Well, he still guessed it as one single word.
58:25
Yeah. No, I mean, Francis still guessed it correctly.
58:28
So we don't have this situation.
58:29
But I was almost like, am I going to be a stickler here and say that that didn't count as you saying it?
58:35
No, I think it counts.
58:36
I mean, if he guessed it, it counts as me saying it.
58:39
Well, I think even with a hyphen, I would accept it.
58:43
All right. Bye.
58:45
Yay.
58:46
I was prepared to give you more points, Francis.
58:48
Thank you.
58:48
I'm just trying to be fair to your sister.
58:51
I guess I'll get some decoys.
58:52
Okay.
58:53
I'm going to have a few.
58:55
Integrate?
58:55
No.
58:57
Silky?
58:57
No.
58:59
Mutilation?
59:00
No.
59:01
I like those back to back though.
59:03
Silky mutilation.
59:05
Underground?
59:06
Nope.
59:09
That's all I have written down.
59:11
I guess that's it.
59:12
It was whomever.
59:15
Fuck off.
59:16
Are you serious?
59:17
That's so funny.
59:18
I love that.
59:20
That's good.
59:21
Yeah.
59:21
Jenna's not one this round.
59:24
No, because he guessed my word.
59:27
So he got to also guess his word.
59:29
But.
59:30
But I said no, because my my guessing his word was negated by me saying his word twice.
59:35
Oh, right.
59:36
So he's plus one, I think.
59:38
Yeah, no, you are.
59:40
Which means you are farther in the lead now, because as of last episode, you were one and
59:45
half points in the lead and now you're two and a half i think assuming i said bellman twice
59:49
yeah maybe if i only said it once and then we'll see but basically you're still in the
59:56
it's either zero or you got a point okay wow i'm pretty sure you said it twice though i think i did
1:00:00
too yeah because i think you repeated it when i said it and i think when you went through the
1:00:05
list when you went through the names you said it again yeah nice i did i refrained from saying it
1:00:13
a third time because you had the thought yes because i had the thought well is that what made
1:00:18
you think it's because you were saying it like oh because that's what i do sometimes i'll hear
1:00:21
myself saying something you said and i'm like oh no i did it at the end i can't remember what the
1:00:25
word was but i was like shit uh i think it occurred to me after the fact that you were like i think of
1:00:34
this as a hotel thing and then you said bye-bye bellman i think you were it was like oh you were
1:00:41
You were trying to force in
1:00:43
a hotel.
1:00:45
Trying to force the bellman in.
1:00:48
Okay.
1:00:49
Well, congratulations,
1:00:51
Francis. Hey, thanks.
1:00:53
And I guess I'll try
1:00:55
and catch up next week.
1:00:57
Thanks. Bye.