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Transcript

EP 25 Parenting Children in all Stages · iRefresh Podcast

• 0:05
  After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh. Welcome. Today I have Rhonda Settles, Veronica Scott, Wendy DeMarco, myself, Christy Waters, Angela Hurley, and Laura Watson. Today we're going to be talking about family and transitions. And as I look around, we're...
• 0:34
  in similar areas of life in some parts and some parts very different. So we're just going to talk about where we're at, what's going on and hopefully our lives will encourage you in your life today. So who'd like to go first? Laura.
• 0:54
  Well, I am actually in the transition period where I have one child who just moved out a few weeks ago. He just got engaged this last weekend. So his life is changing. He's becoming his own adult, his own path. And I have one that's in college, so he's still home. So I'm in that period where the relationships has changed. He's still your child, will always be your child, and you'll always have that relationship. But as far as...
• 1:25
  in a position where they don't need you for certain things. They don't need you for a lot of things. So your desire is to be included in a lot of the things and that they want to include you in a lot of things that are going on in their life. So they're making a new picture and I'm trying to figure out how I can be a part of that picture.
• 1:45
  without forcing myself in there or, you know, photo bombing it or something to that extent, but just, you know, fitting into a new dynamic in a different way and just, you know, you can't tell them what to do, but you hope and pray that they at least come to you and ask for advice or ask for your input. And it's really, that's the only way you can really kind of give it.
• 2:06
  And we've done our due diligence when they were little and praying that, just like the Bible says, train up a child in the way they should go. And when they're old, they will not depart from it. He promises that in Proverbs. And sometimes we do go through the bumps. I know we've had a few bumps in our walk because life isn't perfect, is it, Wendy? No, it's not.
• 2:27
  I have a little bit of a gap between my kids. So I have one that's post-college, but I have one that is the just got the license and still in high school. And so the transition has been trying to learn his transition and yet and he's now moved home.
• 2:45
  And then having the other one with her and still being needed to some degree, but not by the other. So it's this juggling and then wanting to respect the fact that he's older now and he doesn't need his mother's advice too often. So now I try to be patient and not take it personally and wait for him to ask. And in her case, yeah, she still needs me, which is...
• 3:14
  I like that transition, but I know it's soon to change again. So it's encouraging to hear Laura say, you've got one there and you've survived it. So there's hope, and I appreciate that. That's good. And you are going through transition in your life as well, Angela.
• 3:35
  Yeah, I've got two young ones. One's in elementary school and then one is in middle school now, which has been a transition all of its own. Middle school is lots of fun. We'll remember to pray for you. Thank you. I need a lot of it.
• 3:51
  But beyond that, we've been, our family transitioned on a greater level. So we went through a divorce over this last year. And so just transitioning the kids through that has been my biggest just heart's cry. Making sure that they're in a position where they're surrounded and kept by God and just
• 4:11
  encouraged and I think that's been the biggest help and hope for me in the situation is just knowing who he is because who he is is he brings life and peace and hope to every situation so especially in one that was the hardest of my life
• 4:31
  he got to be the center of it. And for them, I'm starting to see the fruit of that because his presence is peace in our home. And so where it had been hard, especially probably for my son, I'm starting to see now where he's telling me things like, Mom, I'm okay, and things are good. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, you have no idea how...
• 4:55
  that ministers to me because I'm seeing prayers in action. I'm seeing God's hand on their lives. And then where something that was meant for destruction turns to something beautiful. That's good. So that's been just an encouragement of what God can do. So what I'm hearing you say is that prayer...
• 5:13
  And God's faithfulness is seeing you through this very difficult time. And other people probably lifting your hands. And so if you don't have a group of sisterhood like we are blessed with here, I encourage you, I'm going to just take a minute right here, encourage you to find some women who will pray with you and agree with you because we can't do this alone. Yes, God is with us. He is for us and he is always ever present.
• 5:39
  Sometimes we need Jesus with skin on and we need someone we can reach out to. So just real quick, just find a group. Find a Bible faith believing church and get plugged in and find some people because we do go through difficult times. We do go through hardships. And without others that are believing and agreeing with us, sometimes we don't know how to pray for ourselves and we don't know what to pray.
• 6:06
  So we're grateful for friends and the Holy Spirit that sees us through those times. So, Rhonda, how about you? Well, as you all know, all of my children are grown. I do have one that's, he's taken a semester off, but still in college. And he still lives at home. And he moved away for a short time and is back temporarily.
• 6:28
  And then two others that live out on their own, one's married and one owns her own home. So keeping the lines of communication open are so important to me. And I realized early on that if we were going to continue to get together as a family, I was going to have to take the lead on that. That my husband and I were going to have to be the ones that continue to take the lead on keeping our family together.
• 6:54
  connected. That's good. So we strive to get together every year for birthdays and holidays and just no reason days. You know, sometimes we just reach out to not the whole group, but just one or the other. Just let's connect and let's get together because we want to keep those lines of communication open. And just like Laura said, when they come and they ask for advice, then you're there to give it. But you have to have that communication before they feel comfortable to ask. Yeah.
• 7:23
  And, you know, the other thing that I think has been important for us to realize is as our children get married or as they have serious relationships, we have to understand that our family is not going to be like those other families. And we can't compare ourselves to our daughter-in-law's family.
• 7:47
  We have to allow God to make our family what it's meant to be and just rejoice for the relationships they have with those families and just continue to just to encourage and nurture and facilitate the relationships that they have with us. I think communication is really that bottom line in all of that and just to keep that open and sharing.
• 8:11
  I know you were just saying communication's key, but I want to go back to what you said earlier when we were just having a conversation earlier. You had a little thing you saw on social media. Remind us of that one. It said, for parents of adult children, keep the welcome mat out and your mouth shut.
• 8:29
  That's one of the hardest things to do as a woman, isn't it? We're girlfriends here, we can say it, right? Because I know. Do you know? I know. Veronica, do you know? Very difficult. Right. Very hard. Very hard not to interject your opinion.
• 8:49
  or to offer your advice. But I've learned as I have one that lives on his own and one that's transitioning, he's home from college but getting ready to move out again. And it's difficult not to help them, over help them make decisions and do things that they're wanting to do. It's hard to sit back and let them make what you perceive as a mistake.
• 9:18
  and watch it happen unfold before you and just stand back and say, you know, all you can do is pray. That's all we can do. And as long as we pray, then we leave it in God's hands and we wait for him to give us that opportunity to come back into the situation.
• 9:36
  That's really good. I mean, I echo exactly what you're saying because I know without my time of consistently and faithfully praying for my children,
• 9:50
  I, it's hard to let go of them. And eventually they are going to leave the nest or sometimes they come back, but eventually they do leave the nest. Do you promise? I have a 24 year old at home. Do you promise? I don't know yet, but I am not an expert on it. But I do know that the most that I can do for my children
• 10:10
  is to faithfully pray for them. Morning, noon, and night, when I feel them come, and I have an impression upon, for whatever the reason, they come to my mind, I lift it to the Lord. And he knows my mother's heart. And he knows it well enough to know that as much as I want to put my hands in and help,
• 10:31
  them through and smooth out some of the mistakes or so that they don't make them. I'm having to, you know, pull back and just say, Lord, they're in your hands. You love them far more than I. I am blessed to have had them, but your will be done. So I leave it at that. But that's my saving grace is being able just to leave it with the Lord and to pray about that. And just he knows.
• 10:59
  He knows my concerns for them, so I don't necessarily have to echo it to them. I'll just give it back to him. That's so good. I know I was not the perfect child.
• 11:10
  I know, I'm shocked. But I can remember when we were walking through some situations, you know, different situations. I have a girl, I have a boy, my son's older. They each had their own stuff, you know? And I can remember one day I was on the phone with my father, and they're in Georgia and we're here in Tulsa, and he goes, Christy, what were you doing at that age?
• 11:39
  Oh, Lord, thank you that my child is only dealing with this and not where I was. And I realize that I look back, I have praying parents, but my grandparents, their prayers availed much for me. And I am grateful that I am not the person who I was when I was in college. And I look at my children and I think...
• 12:03
  Okay, they're a little slow cooking just like I was. My husband says, Christy, I was a late bloomer. You have to remember, I was a late bloomer.
• 12:11
  get to where I needed to be until I was older. Let's give them some grace. I'm like going, Jesus, please. I wanted the perfect, what I thought would be the perfect situation. So it's good to remember that we didn't have it all together. We shouldn't expect our children to have it all together, our husbands to have it all together. That's another topic for another day. We're not going there. We're not touching that one. But it really is a season.
• 12:39
  We're grateful that we can give that grace where we need grace as well. So what else, Laura? What are you thinking? Well, just kind of feeding off what Wendy had mentioned earlier. It's just in Veronica even when you're talking about you see them making mistakes or things that you think, okay, that's not the best decision. I'm not sure you're going to like those results or I'm not sure it's going to turn out the way you think it's going to turn out.
• 13:06
  But just allowing the Holy Spirit and the Lord just to give you that peace that, you know, sometimes just like for us in different situations, we learn by making those mistakes. And, you know, they have to learn to trust in the Lord in whatever they're doing. They have to learn to trust in the Lord for the decisions they make and the path that they walk. And so it's like Wendy said, you just pray for them. It's the Lord who puts them on your heart and, you know, brings them to your remembrance. And.
• 13:31
  Sometimes it's just making an effort of, okay, Lord, what specifically do I need to pray today over them? Or what specifically do I need to address? For me, it's a relief because I think, like, man, I think about my childhood, like what you were saying, and I was like, oh, Lord, you brought me through so much. And so for my kids, I think...
• 13:50
  I can take relief, I can take peace knowing that God can do above and beyond and we can just rest in the fact of knowing that he's going to carry them through stuff even when we're not there, when we're not placed. I remember my son told me a story once about how he decided to go chase our dog that got lost in the neighborhood and it was dark and it was raining and I didn't even know that he had left the house. And so he told me that, he said, Mom, I just stopped and I prayed and I found my way home. And I was like, okay, so that to me is a story about how
• 14:19
  when we're not with them, how because we've given them a foundation, they can stop, they can pray, they can be led home or wherever they need to go. That's so good. Veronica, I know you do that a lot as well with your kids, just really pray for them and really. Sure. Absolutely. Yeah, I think a lot of it is, you know, I have to believe that the word is true and in the word it says that he hears me and he'll answer my prayers. Yeah.
• 14:45
  And I go back to the story in Daniel. When Daniel went before the Lord, his answer didn't come immediately, but he continued to pray. And in that story, the angel came forth and said, you know, I was sent immediately, but because you prayed, continued to pray, I was able to come deliver your message.
• 15:06
  And I think about that scripture a lot because, you know, we don't always see immediate results when we pray diligently. You know, the Bible says that, you know, prayers of the righteous. When we pray and we go before the Father, we have to believe that he hears us and he'll answer us.
• 15:24
  and even more so for our kids. Because we can't be everywhere. We can't be in the rain when it's dark and we don't know they've left the house to lead them home, right? That's so good. I like what you were sharing earlier. I wanna go back to you, Laura. With adult children, we've done our training. We've done
• 15:45
  Rhonda had said earlier, you know, when they're young, you're seeking the Lord, you're saying, what do I do? You feel like you're moving forward and doing everything you know to do. And then they get older and all of a sudden you go, where did I miss it? What did I do wrong? Right, Rhonda, isn't that what you were saying? Yeah, and we know we're obedient to the best of our ability, but now that you have older children, what do you do every day for your kids? I love this. This is a great tip. This is not something I've done for a year or two years, you know, or three years, you know.
• 16:15
  It's just been in the last month, and the Lord just really put it on my heart to send them a verse for that day. That's so good. And I don't send a group text. I send each one individually. And, I mean, it's just a matter of taking even a moment, and I just stop and say, okay, Lord, show me a scripture that you have for them today. And so, you know, and the Lord is faithful, like Veronica said. I mean, you will always see his hand. And so he'll give me a scripture, and I'll text them each separate, and...
• 16:43
  You know, at first I thought they're going to say, Mom, quit sending me a text every day or quit sending me a verse every day. You know, I know the Bible. I know the Word. But it's amazing the response I got from them. It was just, thank you, Mom. And, you know, once Justin sent me a text, my oldest, and he said, Mom, I love that you encourage us in the Lord. And I love that you send us these scriptures. And he goes, Mom, I just can't thank you enough. And so that was just like, okay, Lord, that was you showing me. That's so good.
• 17:12
  that if we're obedient and we do what he's asking us to do, even though it may not seem huge, it may seem kind of trivial, you never know how much it ministers to someone else when we're obedient and do what he asks us to do. Can I just thank you for sharing that idea? Because it's something that I think I want to try to find a way of incorporating with my own kids. I try to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's prompting to send word of encouragement,
• 17:42
  It's a cool song that I think they might like or whatever. I'll forward them that. But to be a little bit more intentional about it, but especially with the word, because it cannot return void. That's right. And I know that if I plant that seed, even if it's in a text or however, I think that's probably a good avenue for me right now in the transition of the age of my kids. It's really good. So I'm going to try that. Thank you. It's really good.
• 18:08
  I know as a school teacher, I look at moms that fix things for their kids, and we're talking about our kids making choices. Sometimes we agree with them or whatever. Sometimes natural consequences are a good thing.
• 18:23
  And we can't, particularly with our older kids, can't fix things as easily as we did when they were toddlers. And we thought it was so hard back then, you know. And I look back and laugh at the, wow. Anyway, every season's difficult in its own way. So if you're home with babies right now, God bless you. That is amazing.
• 18:47
  very important season and we honor that. But I look at where our kids are now and we just can't touch it sometimes and you just have to let them walk through those doors and sometimes they're the right doors, sometimes they're not and we make mistakes and we have to realize again that
• 19:04
  We make mistakes, they make mistakes, and we just help them through that process. And the example, I loved how Angela was talking about her oldest, her son, through that transition. And now she's actually seeing just the faithfulness and seeing the breakthrough. Yeah. That's good. That's so good. It is good. Where would we be without the Lord?
• 19:29
  something that I've done with my kids that has really helped to point them to God's working in their life is just to be aware of what's going on and to just to highlight for them. For example, one of my sons just seemed to have incredible favor in situations where others didn't, you know, and I would just say,
• 20:00
  You know, I kept doing that over and over as these wonderful things would be happening to him. But he seemed to maybe be focusing on the negative. And I'd say, well, what about this? Who does God love? Who does Jesus love? And I remember him one time going, this guy. Oh, that's so cute. But along that same line, a few months ago, we were out with my...
• 20:29
  So she's part of the family. And we were out with them and she was sharing about the new business that she'd started and how so many people had catered to her in starting this business and she used that word and my ears were just on fire because daily in the prayer I pray for favor over my husband, myself and my children, one of the lines says, I pray that others will go out of their way to cater
• 21:05
  And I had the opportunity, I didn't say anything that night, but I thought about that and I thought, Lord, that is so good. You specifically answered my prayer for her. That's good. And so the next day I was able to text her and let her know, this is the specific prayer I pray for our family. Wow. And you. I wanted her to know, I consider you part of our family. And you know, that little text to let her know that God had specifically answered a prayer I was praying for her,
• 21:33
  really opened a great door of communication. And, you know, we've had a lot more texts since then. We've had a lot more opportunity to communicate. And I just have really been watching, watching for God's working and then highlighting that to them so they know, yes, I'm praying, but yes, God, more work.
• 21:56
  I know you have really done well in teaching your kids to really kind of be aware and really watch for the Lord's hand. You want to share a little bit? I mean, like every opportunity I can get, I'm looking for something. Like the other day we're driving and I see light in the sky coming through. But it's not just, oh, there's light in the sky.
• 22:14
  the Holy Spirit just impresses on your heart. Like this is a moment where I want you to tell them about me moving and me working in their lives. And so it's like the heavens opening up in favor just pouring out on us. And so he shows us things all the time.
• 22:30
  I could be walking by the mailbox and there's some flowers by the mailbox and he'll start talking to me about growth and about different things. And so I feel like part of our job as moms, well, the main part of it, is to encourage them and teach them to grow in the Lord and using the things around us
• 22:45
  to build them up, to teach them reference points on this is God working in your life and this is what he wants for your life and this is about your purpose. And so I think that it's such a blessing and an honor as a parent to get to have that influence in their life.
• 23:00
  to just point them to Jesus over and over again. Amen. That was a lesson I learned early on with my kids when they were going to Vacation Bible School. And I worked, volunteered with it. And the kids, as they grew up, then they eventually started volunteering into it. But there was a thing that we called God sightings. And it trained their eyes to, they would come in each morning to the next day of Vacation Bible School, and they would share what they were doing.
• 23:25
  where they had seen God. And some would say, oh, I saw a Robin in the backyard, or I saw my little sister, my brother came up and helped her after she fell down. And so it was just little ways for them to train their eyes and their sensitivity to seeing God all around them.
• 23:41
  And so now I've watched it with the kids as they've grown older that they are still starting to develop that. And I do it as well. I could be driving along and all of a sudden I could be in traffic or stop for a moment and I look up.
• 23:56
  And there's like a splitting in the skies. And I'm like, oh my gosh, thank you, Lord. And it just, it does. It teaches me little, little lessons, life lessons throughout my entire day. That training your eye to see the Lord is also hearing it at the same time. So your senses are kind of in tune with him all around you throughout the day.
• 24:16
  And I'm not always perfect at that. I also yell at people in traffic and so I have to repent when we get, when we pull up to the school and I'm like, okay, working on patience guys, sorry. It's a work in progress. It is always just like our, our health at the heart is always progress, you know, always progressing. And so yes, we all have those moments where we have to repent sometimes quite often during
• 24:41
  Yeah, but being intentional, right? Right. Absolutely. But being aware of it. And I think it's, for me, it's been more of, okay, Lord, be quicker to make me aware of those times when I need to transition or change my perspective. That's so good. That's good. Speaking of transitions, I think.
• 25:01
  I also see several of us who have transitioned with our elderly parents. And so there are so many transitions going through. My husband's parents have both passed in the past few years, and I know that several of us have gone through things like that. So there are just so many seasons of life that we're all walking through.
• 25:21
  Wherever you are in your walk, we pray today that the Lord encourages you, that He speaks life into your situation. We encourage you to call on the name of the Lord because He's there for you. And Veronica, would you just remind our listeners where they can go to get some encouragement from iRefresh? It's my favorite place. I go on our website, iRefresh.net.
• 25:48
  and there's a link on the website where you can download scriptures and they're listed by topic. So you can look on there, find the topic, because a lot of times you don't have the scripture right on the tip of your tongue. You may be at work, you may be having a challenging co-worker that's challenging your faith, and so there's nothing like the word of God to answer a challenge.
• 26:12
  And so if you have access on your phone or, you know, on a computer, you can go on the website and immediately download the scriptures that you can then share. You know, the word is life. And it's the best way to have an answer. So that's irafresh.net. And then you can listen to more podcasts, Buzzsprout.com.
• 26:35
  Spotify, iTunes. I know y'all know them. Help me out, girls. So there's lots of ways to get encouragement, and we would love to continue to have conversations with you, and we welcome you back to visit our site, iRefresh.net.