Latest / The Power of Doing What Matters / A Life Beyond Pain: Kelly Baez on Purposeful Recovery
Transcript
- A Life Beyond Pain Kelly Baez with Dr. Clayton Skaggs Kelly Baez: I'm playing golf. I'm hitting the ball farther than I've ever hit it. And I'm just having fun, and that was so elusive before because you're just so focused on just making it through the day. Kelly Baez: It's how I start my day because it's, it just makes it a better day. Clayton Skaggs: And you said you've, done your breathing, you've done your training. Kelly Baez: Yes. Clayton Skaggs: Already. Yes. And what, what time is it out there in Idaho? Kelly Baez: it's 9:00 AM now, and I probably did it around 7:00. I am an early riser, so it works out. Clayton Skaggs: Ah, wonderful. Wonderful. Well, we appreciate you being on our podcast, and I'll give a little intro to you, Kelly, as to give our listeners an understanding of who you are and, then we'll talk a little more about your, experience at the institute and, with your- Okay your, your pain recovery So Kelly has been married almost 30 years- Mm-hmm ... she says, and she's a mother and grandmother, which she says is one of her greatest loves, which, mothers and grandmothers are, are, one of the most important roles that, that we have in our culture, for sure. For the last 30 years, she's lived in parts of the country, various parts of the country with her husband's career, and he calls her the chief operating officer of their home. It's been an adventure, and it's kept her very active. In that time, she also has gone back to school and received a bachelor's degree in Christian ministry. Today, they live in Idaho and enjoy their, their time up there in a retirement community where they love to play golf and be with friends, I know. Well, Kelly, it- it's very exciting to have you on the podcast. [Speaker uncertain 00:02:15]: Well, thank you. Clayton Skaggs: And, I look forward to our listeners hearing a bit of your stories along the way. you've been a client at the institute for about three years. Is that right? Kelly Baez: Three years, yes. It was three years in October, the middle of October. Clayton Skaggs: Fantastic. And, and, I wanna start with something you recently said to me in a visit at our Fort Worth facility. I think you said, "You know, I just don't think about my back anymore." So maybe, maybe, speak to that a little bit. Kelly Baez: Yes. You know, when I finally did come to you, it had taken over my life. That's all I thought about. And, my whole goal of going was I need to get rid of this pain. I need somebody to help me. And it just... I didn't realize how much it had just taken over. And as I went through the process of going there and learning more about my pain, and that it wasn't just one thing, and there was a lot of pieces to unravel All of a sudden, I started seeing improvements. And now, three years into it, I don't think about my back. I don't think that I can't do something because I know that I've built that resiliency. I know that I have that capacity. And in the beginning, I had no idea what any of that had to do with my back or pain, but I'm starting to understand it, and I'm and I, and I see the results, and I see how different, not only physically, but mentally too. Clayton Skaggs: So I wanted to have you speak to that before I have you talk about what your pain was like, because I am, I'm not a big fan of having people who don't think about their pain anymore actually think about it. but for the purpose of the listeners, maybe, describe how that, that pain was, controlling your life or being such a big part of your life. Kelly Baez: Well, you know, it's been 20-plus years. And there were times it was worse, times it was better. But probably the three to five years before I started seeing you, it had really, started to take a toll. I... There was a lot of things I couldn't do, and, I was having those triggers that was, that would cause the pain, and then the recovery time just for me to get back to some normalcy was starting to take longer and longer. And I would say that that is, is just like this dark cloud always over your head. And then, in 2022, I went to pick up my nine-pound puppy, and I just screamed in pain. My husband came out of his office, got me to our bed, and then I couldn't get up. I mean, I literally could not get up. I ended up going in an ambulance. Eventually getting an injection in my back that helped calm things down. But after that, I just felt in such a dark place because I had been dealing with this. I was terrified. I came home, I was so afraid to even pick up the dog because I thought, "What's gonna trigger it? What's gonna be that next episode?" Because it was getting worse, and you can't sit, you can't sleep, you can't focus. You're just ... You're filled with a lot of anxiety. And, it just got to the point where I thought, "I can't, do this anymore. There's gotta be something else that I haven't tried." And, thankfully, you know, we have some friends up here, that see you, and, Steve was a great person to sit down and have a conversation with because we had a lot of similarities in, some of our trigger points and when we would have these really bad pain episodes. And I thought, "Gosh, you know, maybe there's hope." And, it, it just completely changed, everything for me. and I started to think about my pain differently, and I think that's one of the things that the institute helps you do. Because that's all you focus on, and you have to really know the why, and you have to realize that, you know, we didn't get like this overnight. You always say it takes decades, and in my case it was. Clayton Skaggs: And that, that's great, yeah. And, and it takes decades to get to where you often are with your signals and your back troubles. And, so it's, gonna take a bit to, to recover. And- Kelly Baez: Yes ... Clayton Skaggs: so, you know, it took decades for you to get to where you were there in 20, 2022. And, and now I'd say at, about two years you were, doing really well. Kelly Baez: Yes, yes. [Speaker uncertain 00:08:16]: And I would. Kelly Baez: Yes, I would say maybe around the six to eight-month mark is when I started having, you know, full days where I didn't feel anything. And it was just being that, that, having that persistency to be consistent with my exer- you know, with my, my remedials. You know, doing, the things that you wanted me to do and nothing else. Mm-hmm. And, and having, you know, I work with Melissa, and having her on those times in between my visits really helping me to understand and really encouraging me, to continue and keep doing what I'm doing, that I'm going to be, you know, I will see improvements. And I did, and it took time, but I think that was a big, help too, because it's such a new way to look at everything and, most of the time, most of the people I know that have seen you, it takes us a while to get there. Word of mouth or just we just can't take the pain and we do some research. Mm-hmm. But, you really need, somebody that's kind of cheering you on a little bit. Clayton Skaggs: Yeah. that's a, that, that's such an important part. And, and you, in addition to our team, you also had your husband who, who would travel with you to- Yes- to St. Louis from Idaho. And, he traveled with you for those first two years, I know. Yes. And, and so, yeah, having, having that advocate, is, is so, so vital. And, and, certainly our team is, incredible with their, their support, as you're moving through that. Kelly Baez: Oh, absolutely. Clayton Skaggs: Yeah. You know, as, as you're talking through your, your story, and again, here you are three years, you're, you're just, you were just in Fort Worth and you're, talking about how you just played 18 holes back to back for the first time in your life. And- Yeah, how, how cool that is that's where you are now. and we can maybe later talk about just how much physiology you've changed. You've gained muscle, lost, lost significant, undesirable fat. And, and, and, and so for people to see and look ahead to where you are along the way in those six to eight-month periods and even up, up to two years where you're still having signals from time to time, that is so hard. And, and so maybe speak to how you just stayed on the plan, you stayed on your breathing practice, you, kept to your walking. What, what helped you do that? What helped you just really stay focused on what matters? Kelly Baez: I think, as you start seeing improvements and things like that, it really, It really helps, you, you know that there's hope out there. And then going... And then I went every, about every three months for my assessments, and I would see you would point out little things that had improved, and then I, would read your insights. And sometimes when I was- Mm-hmm ... struggling with something, you know, that little bit of reading and, and and maybe looking at something differently than how I normally looked at it was very helpful. And so those times where you kind of feel isolated and you're not able to, like, go out and play golf or you're not able to go out and do certain things, that really, just made a, made a huge difference for me. It, it kind of gave me those little pep talks and those little encouragements that I needed. Clayton Skaggs: Well, that, that's wonderful. We, we, we love hearing that. And, of course, I'm a big advocate for reading, and so that those are helpful in that way is, that, that really is, makes us feel, good and strong about those. Kelly Baez: And I would say, too, also, because my husband did go with me, he was always the big, you know, cheerleader of, like, just a big advocate. You know, he would tell me, you know, "I can see that you're doing different." he could see those things, and he was always great about, "Hey, I gotta go breathe," or, "I gotta, you know, I'm gonna make dinner, but first I gotta go breathe, do my breathing exercises." And, you know, he understood that, and he really wanted to see me get better, too. So he knew how hard it had really taken an emotional toll on me. Clayton Skaggs: Great. All right, well, let's, go ahead and read our insight for today, and I'm sure that'll surface, some, some additional stories maybe. I'd, love for you to talk about how much you love to cook and maybe a story around that. Kelly Baez: Okay. Clayton Skaggs: All right, so baseball's imperfections. What's next? There is something special about baseball in October. Whether you grew up with baseball as a centerpiece or only watch the World Series, you understand this feeling. If you don't, there are still good things below. Recently, I was at a game where I marveled at the learning and joy on and off the field. Sitting in front of me was a family of one of the players on the field. An older man, a grandfather, caught my ear and attention. He was plain-spoken, in a cap, full beard, and chewing tobacco. He was calmly barking out praise and support for all the players, on his grandson's team and their opponents. "You've got this, number two. That's great. Great play, pitcher." I was pulled into his clever and authentic banter to the players. It was clear he knew the game and he knew what mattered. This game was a five through six-year-old Little League game. It was at a community park, and the grandfather was in a lawn chair. In the middle of the game, there was a play at third base where his grandson was involved. The umpire called the play safe and said the third baseman, his grandson, dropped the ball. His grandson disagreed with the call and went back to his position. He was dejected and angry. His grandfather called out, "Hey, sometimes you do your best and it doesn't go your way." The grandson exclaimed, "I didn't drop the ball." The grandfather quickly replied, "Hey, what matters?" The grandson reflexively and reluctantly responded, "What's next?" Ellen Langer is one of my favorite authors and scientists on mind-body resiliency. She is a Harvard professor and psychological researcher who has over 50 years of work showing the impact of our attention and perception on our health. I reference her in my book and will likely many times in the future. Her work supports how undesirable stress is one of the leading causes of mental and physical disease. Her work underscores our approach in relentlessly letting go. Letting go to allow for healing and building resiliency. In a recent study, Langer and colleagues had subjects receive a mild circular bruise with a suction device commonly used in acupuncture called cupping. The researchers qualitatively and quantitatively observed the bruise's healing. They had one-third of the subjects watch a clock that paced at half time. Another one-third watched a clock that was at normal time. And a final group that was watching a clock at double time, or moving twice as fast as normal. The group that was watching the double time clock healed significantly faster than the other two groups. This is one of the many studies illuminating what you put attention to and believe can impact your body in profound ways. In the study, the group who thought time was moving twice as fast pulled their bodies and healing along with it. Yes, a phase transition. In baseball and life, there are no absolutes. It is rarely, if ever, one thing. Sometimes you get injured, sometimes you don't. Sometimes you get injured again. Some people recover from pain in weeks, some recover in months or years. Sometimes you do your best and it doesn't work out. What matters, as the wise grandfather above states, is what's next. When you relentlessly focus on what matters, the question of possible and impossible loses meaning. What matters? All right. Well, that, I think has some Some relevance for you along the way. Yes. Clayton Skaggs: And, and so maybe, well, first of all, do- anything right off the top of your head, Kelly? Kelly Baez: Well, I, think now, as I progressed, like, to the three-year mark, I don't... You know, now I think about doing all these things that I'm doing today that really matter to me is going to make my quality of life 10, 20 years from now so much better and help me to be independent and help me to just grow stronger. And I think I'm not just focused on just get out of pain or just what, what is tomorrow gonna be like. But now I'm looking forward to, like, "Hey, I know I can do even better." Clayton Skaggs: You know, that, that's the key, and then you've just been so consistent all along the journey, and I'm sure you, you remember at several of your assessments, as you, as you progressed, yeah, I, I had just, sincere excitement when I would pull your images up and pull your data up and just be, look at this. She's, actually getting younger right in front of us here." It's, it's really, you- you've-- Because of that consistency, because of you looking ahead, that, that, that's what produces these kinds of changes. It's, it, it's really exciting. Kelly Baez: it is really exciting. I mean, I just... You know, when I, first started, it was I had this little glimmer of hope. But as I've progressed through everything, it's just made such a difference, and I just see a much brighter tomorrow than I did before because I'm focused on so many things. Like you said, I love to cook. It's something that was just, so hard for me, and by the end of the day, I was just so, in so much pain. But now I do it, I'm doing multiple things at once, and I love it, and I don't, feel pain, and I'm back to enjoying things that I really like to do. I'm playing golf. I'm hitting the ball farther than I've ever hit it. And I'm just having fun, and that was so elusive before because you're just so focused on just making it through the day. Clayton Skaggs: and so here you are. you're three years, and you're not, you don't think about your back anymore. and yet you're telling the listeners because you wanna maintain that and you wanna keep doing even more things, you're doing your, daily work, your daily breathing and exercises, and, staying in your lane on other activities. Kelly Baez: Right. And you do have to make choices. I mean, I know I can't go out and do 18 holes every day. That's not realistic, if I wanna stay on the path that I'm on. But I think, about those things differently. I think, you know, yes, my most important goal is to do my, remedials, do my breathing, do my workouts. And yes, I have time for these other things But it's not everything. It's like I, have a much wider picture I think of my life than I have in a long time Clayton Skaggs: Oh, that's fantastic. and so maybe one last thing. If you were going to define what doing what matter means, how, how might you, how might you describe that? [Speaker uncertain 00:22:25]: What matter? Doing what matters. So we throw that word out a lot and- Kelly Baez: Right. it's doing what matters, but doing it with purpose, doing it consistently, and you're doing it because you know it's making a difference in your life. You know you have a, improved quality. And it's such a, it's such a powerful thing because I think I'm investing in myself. I'm investing for the long term. And so for me, it means doing it consistently, it means being purposeful. I try to really focus on what I'm doing. And the results are that even if I have a day that I'm sore and I get up after doing my remedials, maybe in the afternoon or morning, I'm like, "Wow, I feel great." And I just go on with my day. So it's really, to me, it's a bit, a big investment in myself, and I feel like, well, I'm worth that. And it, I'm sure it's worth it, the people around me, because I'm a lot happier. So I think, it, it's just, it, it, that's what it means to me. Clayton Skaggs: No, that's, great. It's a, a really good, review and, and, and, a, a wonderful description of, what it can mean. And, so, lastly maybe, is there anything that you might say to someone who is at six months, someone's at three months still having signals, and, any, any type of encouragement you might give them? Kelly Baez: You know, I know it's, it's a, it's difficult, when you've been in pain for a long time. And I would just say, you know, trust in the team that you have because you have that support, and keep doing it, and do it consistently, and really do it with purpose. And I think there's come [unclear 00:24:44] a day where you're just like, "Oh my goodness, I've felt good all day." And for me, that was one day after a long day and then making dinner. And it just popped into my head, "Oh my gosh, I have had no pain all day. I feel great." And it was such a wow moment for me. So I think you just can't stop. You... and some of us is it will be sooner, some of us it takes longer because we can all have low back pain, but what is causing that can be different for so many of us. So I think you just have to, you know, reach out to your team if you feel like you're struggling with something or have somebody to talk to because you, you will have those days Clayton Skaggs: No, that, that's fantastic. I really love, you trust, you know, trust the process, trust your team. And, to be doing it with a purpose, I think, is a, it is an additional, viewpoint that's, that's really high value because, you know, these, these, these exercises sometimes and the, the, the duration sometimes is long and, maybe somewhat tedious. And if you, if you keep in mind why you're doing them, that you're doing them for, these years down the road, for, for to be robust with your grandkids, to be robust, you know, with your family, to be robust, in, in all the things you love doing 10, 20 years from now, that's why you're doing them. Not, to have no signal tomorrow necessarily, or not to have no signal in, in, in a week or two. it's to have a robust life 10, 20 years from now. That's your, that's one of your purpose targets. Kelly Baez: Oh, absolutely. And that, and the, purpose, I mean, I feel like it's a very purposeful, way to go about your back issues. and that's what I think people have to focus on is be relentless and be purposeful and be consistent. Clayton Skaggs: Well, that's great advice, Kelly. And I think, you've just added to, you know, something that came forward from a, a recent podcast that, I think it was, Jason Saul spoke to, that sometimes this is the third way, that what he's experienced at the institute is one of those third ways. And, and, you've had a, done a great job of describing it as maybe the purposeful way. I like, your focus on purpose. Kelly Baez: Yeah. It, And I think, that's what kept me going because I, felt like I had a direction. I had something that had meaning that was going to make a difference for my outcome. Clayton Skaggs: Wonderful. All right. Well, thank you so much, Kelly. We- Well, Kelly Baez: thank you ... Clayton Skaggs: enjoyed having you on, and, keep, keep having fun out there. Kelly Baez: I will. Thank you so much. Sarah: The Power of Doing What Matters podcast. 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