Latest / Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano / The Danger of Suppression + Shame

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The Danger of Suppression + Shame · Giving Pain Purpose with Lyndsay Soprano

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Hey, guys and dolls. Before we jump into this episode, a note
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about our content today. This is created for adult audiences only. We advise
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listener discretion, so if you need a breather, take a break and come
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back later. This is Your Pain Game podcast where we talk about the game
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of living in and with chronic pain and trauma, getting to the heart of
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how to heal. I am your host, Lindsay Soprano. On the show,
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I plan on discussing with doctors, chronic pain patients, holistic practitioners,
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loved ones, and anybody that is interested in having their voice heard in the
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chronic pain and trauma world that we live in. Depression, ah, yes,
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the stopping yourself from thinking or feeling something, which it seems like our
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whole entire planet seems to be doing sometimes, doesn't It Is this suppression though
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conscious or subconscious or is it both? How when we choose to suppress a
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feeling or a thought, what's actually going on there? And we're going to
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talk a little bit about that today. Over our lives, we all suppress
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some things. I mean, let's be real, we all do it.
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So don't start pointing the finger at anybody else, right, I mean,
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some more than others. I feel pretty damn confident that my suppression is at
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the Academy Award winning level. I've been working so hard on not suppressing anymore,
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though, and it is hard to do, and quite frankly, I've
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learned a lot on how to do that and how to let go and how
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to open up, and how to be vulnerable and how to let the gates
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flow from the things that I've suppressed for so long because of this show and
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because of my guests and listeners. So I wanted to just take a quick
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second, you know, throw you guys at plug and thank you for that,
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because I'm learning and growing every time I do this. But something that
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is a big hitting issue for all of us is that suppressed emotions actually in
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dangers our health and our well being, guys, right, both physically and
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psychologically. I mean, mental pain is sometimes so much harder than the physical
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pain, at least from my perspective, and I deal with, as you
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guys know, living in chronic physical pain. And I've been the queen of
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just sucking it up. You guys. Hear me all the time on the
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show saying that I'm a bite on the chickstick It's true. I do that
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with my emotions. I do that with my pain. I do that with
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clients, I do that with money. I do it in so many places
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in my lives, even in my business, and now here I am forty
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five years old looking at myself, going wow, you could have experienced so
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much more life than you allowed yourself to do because I just sucked it up.
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And you know that outward expression of suppression of mine led to behavioral issues
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from the get go. Drug and alcohol abuse like we've talked about, from
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a scuity like you know, I mean, it's super fun if you remember
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half of it. Excessive spending that was something that I dealt with a lot,
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and theft. I've not brought up the fact that I am a closet
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kleptomaniac as well. That's to this day, surprise, surprise. It's the
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dangerous behavior that suppression can cause. And I'm the first person to say that
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that's what's happened to me. Was I trying to get attention, probably in
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some places, especially when you're a young girl. I was hurting and broken
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at such a young age, and I feel like I was destined to have
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massive amounts of health issues, and so here we are right, we're sick,
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we're broken, we're tired, and we're in pain and we don't know
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why. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about this epidemic of suppression of
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our deepest mental struggles that have led us here. And I don't want you
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guys to be afraid to start to release. It can be scary, but
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we're here together, and my guest today is no stranger to trauma, deep
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and dark suppression, sexual abuse, addiction, anxiety, and disease. We're
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going to have quite the party here today. So without further ado, I
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would like to introduce you today to my guest, Kate Seminy. Hello,
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darling, helloly I loved your introduction, by the way, and thank you
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so much for inviting me. I'm super thrilled to be here. Well,
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thank you so much. We're thrilled to have you here. And you can
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tell she's a little bit of an accent Kate here. She grew up in
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Ukraine. She is a fear and anxiety expert, a certified hypnotherapist and a
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licensed RTT, which is rapid transformational therapist. Kind of hit rock bottom in
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twenty twenty and we're going to talk about that when she found herself and her
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family in a complete isolation, and that's when everything crashed down her both physically
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and emotionally, and only through the personal growth and recovery that she went on
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she was able to find the method that liberated her from this emotional pain and
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childhood trauma and from addiction. Since such an early age of twelve, I
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identified girl. We talked about that along with a decade long of depression.
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I wish mine was only a decade. So I am rolling out the red
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carpet for you right now, and I'd like to start with your earlihood,
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childhood and what happened to you, and then let's take it from there.
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Yes, you know, now that I'm talking about it, I really become
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really aware of what is happening in my body. Right? Is it still
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triggering me? Are these memories are still triggering any emotions? I'm And it's
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it's interesting. Then now it's mostly like given, given, given, people
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need to hear that. This isn't something that I've talked to my therapist,
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which was only for a couple of sessions because I'm very impatient. I don't
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I don't like to go to therapists for years and years and uncover and uncover
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and uncover, and then you become a therapist to yourself and you're super confused
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with where it all started. But for me, it started at a very
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early age. I was sexually molested and at the age of five. My
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parents don't know about it, so if they knew English, they would probably
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no find out about it. But I remember that day till now. I
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remember the colors, I remember the smell, I remember the weather. I
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remember everything. However, as I looked at it so many times, and
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I looked at it now as it was a little bit of a different perspective
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now understanding why that happened, that it was none of my fault. However,
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I really remember the most toxic feeling and emotion we could ever have,
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shame. Shame is like this little dinosaur inside really is hungry for our body
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and for our mind. And yes, I lived with that shame for so
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many years. But because at five years old, the logic is still not
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there, the intellect is not that developed. We live in all sensations and
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subconscious mind, subconscious mind doesn't know how to deal with that. At five,
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you are on the planet only five years. How can you know that?
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Oh you know, it's not about you. Oh you know, you
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shouldn't been blaming yourself. You know, we're just a little girl in the
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circumstances, you know. So no one knew that, No one told me
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about it. And I was absolutely ashamed to say that, because at some
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deepest level I realized that that was something that shouldn't have happened, or something
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that you cannot just talk freely about. Oh. Absolutely, yeah. How
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in the world are you supposed to, especially at such a young age,
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conjure the just even the like the guts to get up and go. This
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is what happened to me. And you don't even know whether you know in
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your heart of hearts that this was not something that should be happening to me.
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How am I safe anywhere? Yes? And the trick about subconscious mind,
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which is a very good ability of the subconscious mind, is to never
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forget things. I'm sure that many people wish they could have forgotten about something
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from their past. They have this dream, I would say, a little
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bit of illusion, Let me forget. Even people come to me for hypnotherapy
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and ask me, can I forget it? Can I just get it?
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Out of my mind. And the rule of the mind is that you cannot
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forget anything. You can only look at it differently, so that what happens
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with the child, the child's mind cannot process something. It suppresses it,
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so puts it aside. It doesn't mean that you forget, but you put
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it aside. Let's associate it. I love associations. Subconscious mind works with
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associations and images. Let's put it as a capsule of those vitamins, you
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know, the capsule. And so that capsule, just a little one,
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is in our mind. That trauma. That trauma grows with us as we
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grow. It grows if it's not processed at some point when we are ready.
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So when we become more conscious, when we gain more wisdom, probably
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after eighteen twenty one, maybe twenty five for somebody it's thirty, but we
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fully become aware of Oh okay, now mind realizes that, oh you're ready
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to process it. Here you go, surprise, I'm giving you everything that
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you've suppressed now, like for me for forty five years, I mean minus
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nine. So you guys do the math from nine years old till recent day.
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The massive amount of depression that I've done hiding, being scared, feeling
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shameful, feeling guilty, feeling all these things that when you're at such a
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young age processing them. I love that you use that word because you're not
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able to exactly I just barely able to start getting ready to be doing something
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like this. And it isn't off work. Yes, yes, And though
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the child accumulates these capsules could be a criticism, could be bullying, could
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be On top of everything that happens now, it's a snowball of different events.
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They are very similar, with the similar beliefs that we believe about ourselves.
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I'm worthless. It's going to be like that forever. Something is wrong
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with me. I can't connect, I don't fit in you name it all.
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It is there. And so when that happens, when we grow up,
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we start to feel the discomfort, anxiety, fears, avoidance, go
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depends, and see attachments. So all of these things are happening. We
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like, why what's wrong with me? Well you will, And because we
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love to compare ourselves to others, were like, it's our hobby, you
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know it. It becomes our hobby. Let's compare ourselves to others. We
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start to look at other people and other people, of course, come into
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the world, come into the community, come into the friendships, and they
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show the best parts of them, and so we believe that they don't have
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that and I do. They seem happier and I'm not. And so that's
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when we start to realize that maybe there is something, maybe I'm different,
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maybe there's something wrong with me, And so that even intensifies whatever the suppression.
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It is. So when we don't listen to little fears, little behaviors,
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reactions, little emotions that are starting to rise up, or maybe a
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girl, maybe it's avoidance, the body decides to talk for us, there
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is So if we think about the levels, it first comes the thought that
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comes the emotion. The emotion comes from the salt. It just happens really
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quickly, so we only see the thing that it's just an emotion. No,
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it's very blurry, very very blurry, very fast. Right, So
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the thought comes in, then the emotion. The emotion accumulates into the feeling,
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and then the feeling then manifests into the We feel it in the body.
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Maybe it's like a little tightness in a chest or whatever it is.
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And so when we don't hear the thoughts. We're not aware of them.
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When we are not looking at our emotions, we are trying to run away
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from them or suppress them when we are, you know, don't really process
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our feelings. And then the body is like, well, if you don't
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hear those, I'm going to talk to you in the bassot that you will
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not be able to ignore when it starts to be a physical pain. It's
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not because when we have a physical pain, people are like, oh,
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my body's failing me. You know, it's betraying me. It's it's given
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me all these hard times, like what's wrong with my body now? Jody?
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Right, the body just wants to help you. Okay, hear me
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out, Hell, listen to me. I've been whispering to you for some
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time now, so maybe you need to start listening to what's happened to you.
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And I mean that's something that we talk about all the time on the
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show. The body keeps the score that over all of the things, and
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we don't. The part that talks about it is especially when you're talking about
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young age trauma that happens to us and both men and women. You know,
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now we're starting to face these demons and these horrible things that happened to
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us. And I feel that podcasting has actually opened up a really neat space
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for us to start to heal where we didn't really have this. I wouldn't
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have met you without doing something like this, right, And I think that
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when we when we find people not unlike yourself, where we can identify and
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where we can feel like we're not alone, and that I can talk about
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being addicted to dogs, I can talk about being a cop. Maybe I
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can talk about these things that I've been ashamed of or guilty of or scared
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to talk about now, and I start to feel lighter with each one of
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those things. Doesn't make it necessarily easier, but at least I know that
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I'm facing those dinosaurs right that have been so hungry and that are basically eating
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our bodies away. Whichever way you look at it, whether it's emotionally,
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sexually, physically, whatever it is, our stuff, that stuff that we
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keep back there is in the background, eating away at our well being and
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our mental health and our ability to process the fun shit that's going on around
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us. Yes, and we'll look at it with compassion and with love.
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So Okay, thank you, Boddy, Thank you for talking to me,
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thank you for showing me, because the body cannot do it the other way.
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The language of the body is the symptom. That's it. The language
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of the body is the symptom. And if there is a symptom, we
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need it. We are becoming aware of it, bring it to the surface,
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and we're like, oh, hello, symptom. Okay, what have
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I missed? Where did I miss the feeling or the emotion? So we
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start to be really more aware. I think that body really pain, and
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the physical pain teaches us to become more aware of what is not process,
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what is suppressed, and what is not expressed at some point, and what
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is avoided or what are we running away from? Yeah, and that's a
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good I'm glad that you brought it about what you're running away from because and
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I think I've mentioned this on an episode or two before, but I was
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talking to somebody months and months and months ago about the fact that my pains
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are in my feet and it's on up through my legs and up into my
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hips and up into my arms and all that my feet and my legs are
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the worst, as we've mentioned. But she said, well, then a
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lot of times when people have so much pain in their feet, it's because
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they're unable to move forward. Lindsay rolls her eyes because that's so incredibly true.
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Right stuck, You and I talked about getting stuck and how we can
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get unstuck from disease and pain, because I can't even believe how paralyzed I've
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been and how I've let it get to a place where it's screaming so loud
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at me and I still make some dumb decisions. I'm doing far better,
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but there are still things that I can be better at. And I'm like,
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wow, it's still not loud enough for you right now, lady,
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Like, what is wrong with you? Why do we hold on to that
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stuff? Yes? You know? Why do we do that? Beautiful Lindsay,
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I think this is one of the most incredible questions because really people think,
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Okay, well, why do I still if I hear that voice,
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if I know that my symptoms are talking to me to maybe you rest,
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recover whatever? So why is because the subconscious mind, the ninety five ninety
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ninety five percent of our mind, loves what's familiar. So if familiar is
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avoidance, if familiar it is suppression, then it's gonna only draw you towards
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that familiar because the subconscious mind only works. It doesn't no time, So
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subconscious mind doesn't understand the consequences. So, for example, the subconscious mind
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made the belief that this cigarette or this the shot of what is gonna help
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you relieve some of the pain. It's going to help you to forget or
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maybe make it a little bit easier. I the subconscious mind locks onto it.
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I was like, okay, well this helps as long as I have
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a shot. If I go or eight, I this. Yeah, we
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remember, we got so much happier. Oh it got so much better.
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Yes, you were not. But the mind really believes in that, and
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so the mind does in no time. The subconscious mind doesn't understand that in
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the future it can harm your body in the future, you're gonna feel guilt
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in the future. It doesn't know. It's only the logic the conscious mind
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that realizes that. But the subconscious mind will win. The more unaware we
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are, the more unaware we are, then ten out of ten the subconscious
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mind will win. And then we're going to get frustrated why we still did
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the same. So in order to break that, to interrupt that pattern,
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you have to make new pattern familiar by repetition. That's it. That's the
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first one. And people were like, well, it's so hard. You
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have to be consistent, you know, for at least nod just red wine,
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I'm the decision. Yeah, but as soon as mine locks. For
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example, long ago, I used to go and smoke when I was stressed.
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At some point I stopped smoking, and I still was kind of a
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drone to it, of course, you know, the crating. But at
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the same time I felt better, so I started to breathe easier, I
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started to let my skin clear, like you know, like all of these
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benefits are starting to show up approximately like two three weeks after you stop smoking.
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Yeah, it's not like this big long thing. You start reaping benefits
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pretty quickly when you start changing some bad that's right, you still have more
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energy, you start to have more and then your mind starts to build new
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pathways. Oh this could be good. This is also good. This is
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much better. So that's my repetition of the new behavior, of the new
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response. It works, But another question arises, Well, how do I
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get consistent? Is repeated, and I know, especially when we have five
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thousand tools being thrown us at a day, they're like, Okay, if
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you wake up and you do this and this and this, and by the
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time it's ten am, I've already done five hours of work on like meditation
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and fred Sonna doing a hot time getting in this journalinge Ri I'm like,
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this is a full time job just to take care of my health and well
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being, and it never was. And so I know that that time is
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a challenge for a lot of people, and it's a lot of things.
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We always say, well, I don't have time to do that, and
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I'll do that next week. We put things off, we procrastinate, and
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that stuff builds up too. How do we build that resiliency against almost up
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against ourselves, like we almost have to like develop another person within ourselves and
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be like, okay, like Linday's gotta find another Lindsay here that's gonna only
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stick up for the good things exactly. And that's that's when I also got
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into that trap of trying all of these methods methods at the same time.
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So what comes in more overwhelmed, And so you choose one that you feel
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works the best for you. If it's a hot tab, then do it
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every day, just a hot tap. If it's a meditation, do it
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for a month. But just meditation, I'm gonna just commit. The mind
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will draw you away from commitment for a couple of hours. The mind doesn't
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like that. Subconscious mind is like, I want to result now and here.
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It's very insatiable. It only knows now and here. It doesn't know
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that. You're like, oh, you know, for the future, it's
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gonna have some benefits. No, the subconscious mind, if we want to
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work, was the deepest, strongest mind that we have. We need to
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give it like little glimpses of somethin fifteen minutes if it's a hot beast,
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have an hour a day, and that's it. And then you see,
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Okay, in the one month, I saw this kind of a difference.
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Let's now try something else. And then you see and in the months in
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the year, you've tried twelve amazing methods and you choose one and you stick
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to that one. But no, we want it right now, We want
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it right now and right here absolute well, and that's where the addict comes
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into play. And so and I know that you had a drinking problem,
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and I myself included, and you know, it's just one of those things
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where, oh God, you latch onto it because you know that it will
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give you that little, that little dopamine hit. It will give you that.
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You know it's safe, you know it's warm and fuzzy. You also
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know that it can also lead to bad things. But we're not that person
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anymore, so we're going to be okay. But it still brings you down
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a dark and twisty pass. It's just a different one. You're like,
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jes Louise, take a breath. It's exhausting. It's exhausting when you hop
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on the addiction wheel because of it, and like you're saying, your brain
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kind of goes ooh, I think I'm gonna do this, But you can
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also get the U baby doing something else exactly is the switch that has to
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happen where you find yourself addicted to something else. Now that doesn't mean go
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out and go to the gym for ten hours a day either, like you
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can go to the wrong side. Exercising doesn't necessarily mean that it's healthy either,
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because there's all kinds of bad, healthy places that you can go where
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initially it starts out as a good idea and it's actually ends up being to
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your dutchment as well. So and that's because the root cause of the addiction
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is still there. So you stop one behavior, you stop smoking, then
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you stop drinking, you stop shopping excessively, but then you go and you
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turn it into some other excessive or obsessive behavior. Right then, why because
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the mind still wants the release, still wants the release of something that is
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suppressed. So expressing means that you are bringing it to the surface. You're
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not afraid of all of those emotions that you couldn't express. You look at
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that and you make a different meaning out of it. So when I look
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at that sexual you know, sexual abuse that I had, I now look
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at it and I was like, well, you know, my body's for
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end anyway, you know, only for a couple of years, you know,
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maybe what eighty eighty five, ninety, you know, one hundred if
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I'm very lucky, But it's for end. So it's not like it doesn't
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have to mean that I am worseless. It doesn't make me last, but
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consciously we already know that. So that's why I like hypnotherapy, because it
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makes it deeper. You have a deeper understanding of the root cause, and
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then you change you replace it with a new belief, and then you repeat
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and repeat for twenty one to thirty days new belief, and your mind only
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learns by repetition, so it surrenders. Well, okay, so I would
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like you to talk about hypnotherapy because I know people have different visions of what
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that actually is. I know there's a lot of people this might be something
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that's just in the States, But we do something called grad Night, and
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when you graduate from high school, you get locked into some dumb place.
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I was never in any of this stuff, but anyway, you get locked
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into some dumb place and you go and you play games and all stuff.
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Nevertheless, there's always going to be some hypnotist that comes in and hypnotizes the
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football players to become ballerinas on stage and make everybody last. All right,
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So we're taking something like that, which is basically a childhood memory that I
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think a lot of us have some cliche, kind of lame version of hypnosis
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like that. I'd like to clear the airwaves of that right here and foremost
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because that is a completely different thing in my mind than what you do and
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what you work on. And I want you to talk about RTT as well.
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Yes, there is a little bit of a history to that. After
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the Second World War, if you were in Second World War, hypnotherapy was
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one of the main methods how people worked with PTSD, the main methods because
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people realize logically that Okay, I'm in the quiet place now and in the
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safe place, but I still live in a wor environment in my mind.
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So the war is still happening. It's still going on. So hypnotherapy helped
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them to close their eyes, to go into that light, relaxed state,
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really process all of the events in a safe place with the hypnotherapist. But
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in about nineteen fifties, right, first antidepressants were invented, right, brought
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into the world the first the psycho therapy became more popular, and so a
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lot of hypnotherapists lost their jobs and so a lot of them became stage hypnotist.
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Entertainment. Well, if I can do that, right, I can
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do that with entertainment, right, So they started to form these entertainment hypnotists.
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However, hypnotherapy now gains even more popularity because people realize that that's not
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the same as you know, barking on the stage, you know, like
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a dog and like a Ballerine exactly. So usually hypnotherapy has different different methods,
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and so some methods include a deep TRUNS. Some methods it includes light
25:08
relax state. The RTT method is a light relax state. It's a state
25:14
of heightened awareness. We so miss that awareness in our life. So when
25:18
we go into hypnotherapy, it's not like I am hypnotizing them. No,
25:22
I'm helping clients to go into that state of mind. So I'm guiding people
25:27
to relax and go into that state of mind where we can process some memories,
25:33
when we can change the perception of the past that they can move on.
25:37
So in hypnotherapy, the client doesn't do what he doesn't want to do.
25:42
Oh that's I like that you say it that way, because you kind
25:45
of feel like almost like they're going to take you to where they want the
25:49
person to go to for the entertainment value, which is I think something that
25:56
needed to be debunked, especially for this conversation, because that's well, it
26:00
just comes with a nasty tagline associated with it, and I definitely wanted to
26:04
clear the air on that. I agree, yell and see. I agree
26:08
that usually in hypnotherapy, we go with the client wherever they go, Yeah,
26:14
I mean, why would I want to go on your your crazy journey
26:18
when I've got my own that I'm dealing with. Yes, yes, So
26:22
usually hypnotherapy is a therapeutic message and people really recognize that it's so much faster.
26:27
It doesn't eradicate the importance of the of the therapy. But very often
26:33
we go to therapy sessions for ten years. Isn't that another type of addiction.
26:38
Well, everybody therapy spit their coffee out on their lapper, ran their
26:45
current with curves. So everybody take a beat on that one, dear ward.
26:51
Imagine okay, imagine you are. You are having some problems, for
26:55
example, you're having a fear or you're having depression, and so every time
27:00
you every two weeks by schedule, you're going to your therapist, and then
27:03
you come home you feel like, yes, yes, I'm motivated, I'm
27:07
going to make some changes. I realize something. And then when something happens,
27:11
when the trigger happens, oh, I'll just go to the to my
27:14
to Jane, you know, and talk to her. I'll bring it up
27:18
next week. So what we are again putting the responsibility for our own healing
27:22
on someone. Yeah, and That's a good point because when you think about
27:26
it, when it comes to addiction. I was like, I was going
27:29
through some of my old I have one journal that I use with my therapist
27:33
that I use, and I'm on a break right now with him because i
27:34
find it to be I get to a point where I'm like, Okay,
27:37
so I'm saying the same thing this week that I said last week, and
27:41
I've made no progress, and I'm frustrated. I love my therapist. He
27:45
is freaking amazing. I can be one hundred percent vulnerable with him. I
27:49
don't there's no lies, there's no covers, because I think that you do
27:52
that and CBT anyway, sometimes people are like trying to show off for their
27:56
therapists or they're trying to make their therapists happy, and because of shame and
27:59
gil and all these things. And I've learned that through mind that there were
28:02
things that I wasn't sharing, and so I was like, well, that's
28:04
not going to help if I'm not telling my my my owl. He knows
28:07
who he is. He listens to this. So I love you. He
28:11
has helped me in so many ways. But yeah, you kind of get
28:14
fatigue and I almost feel like they might get fatigued too, like, oh
28:18
great, all right, it's Wendy. I got to talk about the same
28:19
fucking thing I talked to her about last week, right, Oh, it's
28:22
so good to see you today, you know, like, and he's not
28:26
like that with me at all. But I feel like you can get into
28:30
those types of relationships where you're basically almost you're you're so reliant on that that
28:36
you're not really making as much forward progress as you might want to. And
28:38
there's a lot of people in my world that are doing just that. They're
28:41
cutting out CBT and they're like, I got to do something else because I'm
28:45
tired of reading back in my journal from six months ago and literally the same
28:48
frickin' people, the same ficking problems are on my list, and I've done
28:53
nothing to really unpack that and really deal with what that actually means to me
28:59
and my well being, not what it means to everybody else that I'm having
29:03
problems with and there will being because I'm a people pleaser and I take everybody,
29:06
you know, I take care of everybody before me, So you know,
29:11
me out of that, all right, you know, Like sometimes people
29:15
call me and they also said like, well, I have been in therapy
29:18
for many years, you know, and they ask me about like okay,
29:21
so how many times that will I come to you? Seven years? And
29:26
I was like, okay, so you come for a session and I don't
29:30
want to see you again. And they are so shocked, they're like why,
29:33
like how I was. I honestly hope that you don't have to see
29:37
me again. Yes, because I say, my job is to show you
29:41
the rude, the reason and what to do, and then you go into
29:45
the life and make life your therapy because life is the therapy. And by
29:49
the way, I had lots of therapists who sent me the clients who said,
29:52
okay, Kate, I worked with this client, I feel there is
29:56
a resistance in the mind. Let's go, let's take them, work with
30:00
them, and they come back with maybe more awareness, you know, with
30:03
more understanding, and then they make changes. So I consider hypnotherapy as an
30:08
additional It's an addition to the therapy that makes the therapy work even better because
30:15
you come after the hypnotherapy session, you come to your therapy session, it's
30:18
like, you know what I got it? I know something I found out
30:22
something that I didn't so let's let's talk about that. And so they really
30:27
facilitate, right, it intensifies that the amazing affect of just apok therapy,
30:33
So hypnotherapy goes alongside alongside science, alongside cycle therapy. I think that's great
30:40
for you to say that too, because there isn't just one all fits all
30:45
either. And you know, we'd like you say, you gotta try this
30:47
on, you gotta try that little guy, like women know this first paragenes
30:51
you try on are never gonna work, just just not men. They go
30:53
pick up the thirty one or thirty four, whatever the hell they wear,
30:56
and it fits perfectly. It drives me insane, drives me insane. No
31:00
size fits all supposed to do for women. But it is interesting that you
31:03
know, and doing the show and speaking with people, how many more women
31:07
are in this place of disease and in illness, and all of a sudden,
31:11
we're we take on far more than men do, in my opinion,
31:15
because we're covering so many different places between kids and dogs and jobs and work,
31:22
and we're taking on the same amount of workload as they are, but
31:25
we're also also running a home and all of these things. And I'm not
31:26
saying that men don't do anything, because that is not all where I come
31:30
from. We just have to train you all to do it the right way.
31:33
But when it comes to women being sick and repressing, do you find
31:37
that in your practice that you get more women than men than your practice?
31:44
You know, the interesting part is that I get more men. That's the
31:47
way I wanted to know, right for one, That's that I wanted to
31:51
know. Thank you, what is it? Because I'm dying to know for
31:52
a lot. Because women put themselves aside. Yep. Later this time is
32:00
the you know, basketball club for my daughter. You know, this time
32:02
this year is something else, next next month. I will take care of
32:06
myself, you know, like I know it's important, yes, but it's
32:08
not about me now, Like you know, I have them. I have
32:12
to deal with my mom, with my dad, with my friends, like
32:15
no, no, no, no, I'm moving whatever it is. They
32:17
always find something that they feel like, oh, my needs will will be
32:22
put aside. But man, maybe, yes, maybe it's a combination of
32:29
the nature the hormones that they're more decisive. But that doesn't mean that we
32:34
cannot become decisive as well. Yes, we do feel this world deeper.
32:38
It's true, our nurture inside will show up. And because we feel this
32:44
world deeper, yes, we feel the pain deeper as well, but we
32:50
handle pain totally different. I mean, in my opinion as a whole.
32:52
Like I'm like, wait a second, my sweetie. I mean, he
32:54
gets the paper cut work on urgent care like instantaneously. Yes, I'm like
33:00
bleeding out of my ears and my legs are broken. And then I'm like,
33:04
all right, we can do one more lap, you know. But
33:07
that again solidifies what you just said in regards to we do put ourselves on
33:10
the bottom of the barrel, and we put everybody ahead of ourselves. And
33:14
I've been trying to reverse that in my life. I don't have children,
33:16
think God, but I do have a lot of nieces and nephews that I
33:21
love as my own. And it's a lot of work. No matter which
33:23
way you look at it, whether it's your job, your kids, your
33:25
dogs, or this or that. You know, we're all given this world
33:30
the best that we can. But man, if we're not giving it to
33:31
ourselves first, then the trickle down is horrible. Everybody else. When we
33:37
start taking care of ourselves better, everybody wins. Everybody wins. Yes,
33:43
you know, and even if we take those moms who has kids, like,
33:46
show your kids that you're putting yourself first, a bay can put themselves
33:50
first right other way, they're just going to do the same thing that you're
33:52
doing. And you know, so okay, because that's in a way that's
33:55
suppressing too, because we're suppressing our needs. And then we get resentments and
34:00
then we get anger. And what does anger do. Well, it goes
34:01
into your skin and your bones and your muscles, it goes into everything,
34:05
and then it fuels resentment, and then it fuels behavior issues and then you
34:09
blow up and now you're all mad and you don't even know what you're mad
34:13
at anymore. I mean it just the toxicity of that that ends up sitting
34:16
in our bods and creates disease and illness. It's pretty remarkable. I value
34:22
our body and it's amazingness. It's the brain, all of it, so
34:28
much more than I used to by getting sick for starters, but also by
34:32
trying to not be sick and to try to help it. Our bodies are
34:37
so incredibly, immaculately wonderful and we don't treat them that way. Yes,
34:43
And also there is a narrative that, oh, if you have a chronic
34:46
illness, that's going to take years. You know doctors, people will tell
34:52
you not as well, to disregard the doctor's job. Their job is to
34:55
treat the symptoms and to make you feel better. So from that place you
35:00
can make some decisions, or maybe you can investigate more into your health.
35:04
But usually there is a narrative that it's going to take years, it's going
35:08
to take months. But since the healing is initiated in the subconscious mind,
35:14
and subconscious mind doesn't know time, how then how then someone knows how much
35:21
the healing is going to take based on the research, If we take the
35:24
percentage of the people who come to doctors and the percentage of people who don't
35:28
go to doctors, we can't even make that assumption that, oh, this
35:32
disease takes this much recovery time. This is only based on the people who
35:37
come to see the doctor. But there are so many people who don't come
35:42
to the doctor and they recover, and we don't take those because they don't
35:45
come. They're not in the statistics for the same coons. Right mind,
35:50
right, it doesn't know time, so the healing will happen and within us
35:54
doesn't know time as well. It can happen for years or it can happen
35:58
for hours. So when we release that belief, you start to really believe
36:02
in your own body and the healing powers. It doesn't have to be months.
36:07
Who told that, just a couple of experts. That doesn't mean that
36:10
it's instant truth. And so we start do what We start to really believe
36:15
in ourselves. And so the body, when we believe in the body,
36:19
is like, oh, the healing is happening, and we start to feel
36:22
better. Yes, body is supposed is supposed to be more inert like it
36:27
does. All of a little bit later, the thought comes in, right,
36:30
the emotion, the feeling, and then the body. Yes, when
36:34
our thoughts change, the emotion change, the feelings change, and then the
36:37
body follows. But we've seen different ways and cases where people just woke up
36:43
and they felt better, They felt so much better. Yeah, dropping those
36:46
narratives that either yourself taught can be good for you or it cannot pay Yes,
36:52
And it's something it's something so simple and it's so silly, Like I
36:54
just picked up a book for my best friend and I called Mirroring, and
36:58
it's just this book about standing in the mirror and doing affirmations by looking at
37:01
yourself in the eyes, and it is so uncomfortable. I feel so silly
37:07
doing it, and I felt so dumb starting it. And I was like,
37:10
oh my god, totally ly. I mean, I'm into woo woo
37:13
stuff, right, I'm into all of it. I felt so much better
37:16
after doing it for one morning because all I did was start my morning telling
37:21
myself that I loved myself. I was like the simplest thing, and it
37:25
just shifted my mindset right from the beginning of my morning. And so then
37:30
everything that I did throughout the day yesterday was with intention for me to love
37:35
myself more and to take care of my body more and to not cancel the
37:38
dentist appointment because we all do it, and I've canceled it and canceled it
37:44
and rescheduled it. So yesterday was that day where I literally was planning the
37:46
day before. I already had my finger on the button to reschedule right for
37:51
the next day. And it really came down too. I'm starting to think
37:54
from my head down instead of my feet up, because my pain started in
37:58
my feet, and so I started there. I started to work on,
38:01
Well, how can I get rid of pain? What's wrong with my feet?
38:05
What's wrong with my feet? What's wrong with my feet? Oh well,
38:06
great, now it's up into my legs. Oh well, what's wrong
38:07
with my legs. I didn't start with my heart and my head, and
38:12
it's something that's just recently shifted where I'm like, I'm going to start top
38:15
down instead of bottom up because I got to work with my brain and my
38:19
subconscious and all the things that these narratives that have been driven into me,
38:23
or narratives that I've driven into myself where I'm never I'm always going to be
38:27
wild and crazy lindsay. I mean, let's be real here, like I'm
38:30
not going to lose myself. But that was part of what my my where
38:35
I was a little bit hesitant to do the work because I was afraid that
38:37
I was going to be wild and crazy lindsay, that I wasn't going to
38:40
be crazy and outspoken, that I wasn't going to love my truck or mouth,
38:44
that I like all these things. I was going to turn this like
38:45
full of a person that was not who I was. And I had to
38:50
move through that fear of becoming somebody different. But it wasn't becoming somebody different,
38:53
just becoming a healthier version of me. So when it comes to people
38:58
working with you, and I know that you went through a decent amount of
39:00
addiction and a lot of that came from trauma, which we've talked about.
39:04
So how did you get yourself to a place that you were ready to rock
39:07
and rolls that you could help others get to the place that you're at?
39:09
Yeah, so you my husband used to tell me. We met very early.
39:15
I was spelt eighteen. Yeah, I was eighteen when I met my
39:17
husband. And okay now, and so he told me all the time,
39:23
Kate, like, you can act to people so well, you should be
39:28
a psychologist. You know, in Ukraine in nineteen in two thousand and five,
39:31
being a psychologist it's a very it wasn't that widespread and it wasn't popular,
39:38
and it was something from the wool, even the psychotherapy at that time.
39:43
And I was like, no, no, no way, I'm going
39:46
to be someone else. And I was someone else for many many years.
39:51
And then he kept repeat him that he kept repeat in almost every two or
39:54
three years. Think, Kate, you should look into therapy and the COVID
40:00
hit and we were already in Canada, and so we were locked of course
40:04
in our house. It wasn't that strict here right here in calgar We could
40:09
go for a walk. It wasn't like we were walked. We could go
40:14
into barbecue, to our friend's house and to it outside like it wasn't a
40:17
problem. But the thing is, we slowed down, We slowed down from
40:22
the red race, and when you slow down, there is nowhere to go
40:27
but inwards. And then when I looked inwards, and I realized, Wow,
40:30
everything that I thought would make me happy doesn't make me happy anymore.
40:36
Anything can be taken away from me like this, like was a click,
40:40
and that realization probably brought me so down, Like I was like all of
40:45
my belief system crashed. Everything I believed in stopped being important to me.
40:52
Money not important, achievements not important, the job not important. Like everything
40:58
kind of became trading and can be annoying me. So I really, yeah,
41:02
I was really frustrated. I was an angry woman for those couple of
41:07
months. I was such an angry woman that my husband finally told me,
41:10
Kate, I cannot help you. Go and look for help and That's how
41:15
I don't know, maybe angels, maybe maybe my soul was just drawn towards
41:22
hypnotherapy. And it was a course of hypnotherapy audios and recordings that you do
41:28
it by yourself at home, kind of a Sould hypnosis audience. Yeah,
41:31
with some explanations and with some lectures. And that's how I started to feel
41:36
like, Wow, this is so much faster, the instant release. I
41:39
started to feel that you can feel better so much faster. How is that
41:45
possible? From kidding, yeah, from a deep depression, from from from
41:51
drinking, still from I had this strong pick in my skin. I had
41:57
this habit right to release the pain as well. Because I wasn't smoking.
42:00
I had a child and Marco was one year old, so I was breastfeeding
42:05
in smoke, right, so everything kind of was on me. But when
42:08
I tried that, I realized that, wow, it's possible instantly, probably
42:14
in a couple of weeks, I realized that this is what I want to
42:16
do. Wow. And that's how I realized that I want to help people.
42:21
If it helped me, it can help other people as well. I
42:24
love that, can you really quick? Just I want to send some people
42:29
to where you are and how to find you, But can you give us
42:32
here. I know not everybody watches the news or listens to the news,
42:36
but I would like to give us a little mini throwout to the Ukraine because
42:39
I don't know where else I could do it. But could you just give
42:43
us a little rundown from your perspective, And I know you've got family over
42:45
there, just run down real quick. I don't want to give it too
42:49
much light, but I also want to give it them as well. Yeah,
42:52
it really still breaks my heart that something like this is still happening in
42:57
the world, and as my as I would love to change it, and
43:01
I would love to, you know, to stop this word. The only
43:06
thing I can do is help with mental health, and it has been my
43:09
dream to help people from Ukraine once they do realize that, wow, hypnotherapy
43:15
can be really good for trauma. But in terms of what is happening in
43:19
Ukraine, it's as a full blown word or that is happening right in the
43:23
center of Ukraine, right in the center of Europe. And without the help
43:28
of Europe and states and all the countries right that are helping us, we
43:32
probably would have lost that game. Even with our bravery. Even with the
43:37
courage, we need help and everyone helps really as much as they can,
43:43
as much as they want. But this is how we still hold on courage,
43:46
bravery, desire for freedom, desire to finally break out of that,
43:52
let's say, narcissistic abuse from from you know, from that country. Yes,
44:00
like we are really we really want to be free. And I think
44:05
that that holds us and the help. And I think that at some point
44:09
everything is temporary, really everything ends. At some point the consequences we will
44:16
see. The only thing we can do right now is really support and really
44:22
be compassionate, and that will help a lot, a lot. I have
44:28
moved to Canada in twenty sixteen, so I really didn't see, I didn't
44:32
feel, I didn't experienced the horror that is happening right now. But from
44:37
what my parents tell me, and they are in a more safer place,
44:40
that it is really devastating how the half of the country is destroyed. Really
44:49
the probably the time that will be needed to rebuild. But I think that
44:55
anything can be rebuilt as soon as you're free. Yeah, And I think
45:00
that that's a good way to round it out, because it really does that
45:02
the word freedom and freedom from fear, and freedom from pain, and freedom
45:07
from PTSD, freedom from trauma, from all of that can come. It
45:12
is hitting places all over the world and it's people like you that help us
45:15
get out of that. And so thank you for being here. And I
45:20
don't like to use the words our thoughts and prayers because that's what we do
45:22
after every school shooting here in the United States, but legitimately, my thoughts,
45:27
my prayers, our hearts are out to you guys, and you know,
45:30
on behalf of myself and many others that feel the same way. We
45:32
love you, guys, and we got your back, yes, And it's
45:36
really nice to know that a lot of people really have that very firm,
45:42
you know, position regarding what is happening. That's that's what's important to us
45:46
and to Ukrainian people as well, that the world realizes how bad it is,
45:52
realizes that Ukrainian people just want freedom and being dependent. And I think
45:58
that any help right now, it's huge. It's any dollar that goes to
46:04
help Ukrainian people is a huge help. Well, thank you so much for
46:07
your time today. This has been incredible. But we knew it was going
46:10
to be together. We were so excited to do this episode today, So
46:14
let's talk about how we can find you. I know you've been working on
46:15
a program for women. You've been talking about nervous system deregulation and how to
46:20
reset out of pain. Can give us a little bit of what you got
46:22
going up. I know you are sold out on what you've got going on,
46:25
so can you give us a little bit about that and then we will
46:28
head on out of here today. Yay. So I'm launching the next co
46:32
hurt right of the program in the end of January. I if this episode
46:38
comes out before that, please sign up. This is a six week program
46:43
for women to come out of trauma, to come out of saffering, to
46:45
come out of the victim role that we all carry just because we didn't have
46:51
any choice when we were kids. And they can find me on my website.
46:55
I'm very active on social media. They can find me on the Instagram,
46:59
on faceboo, on YouTube, and of course on my website katesimony dot
47:04
com. I work online and in person in Calgary, so people can work
47:09
with me from any any destination in the world. I will put all of
47:14
her stuff in show notes and in social media. Thank you so much for
47:17
your time today. This has been spectacular. Thank you so much, Lindsay.
47:22
It was so much pleasure. It was so much fun being here,
47:27
and I'm sure that the audience will take some takeaways and learn something about it.
47:30
Don't know how say good, Yeah, this was wonderful. Thank you
47:32
so much. You are exclusively invited to share this subconscious awareness, mindful VIP
47:40
pain journey together. Let's get to the heart of how to heal with you
47:44
by mine and Kate's side. Do you know someone who is living in and
47:47
with chronic pain or struggling with health challenges or trauma. If you do,
47:52
please send them our way. Kate and I are here, both of us.
47:54
You can slip into our DMS on Instagram. You can email me.
47:58
I'm happy to connect you with Kate as well. I'd love to connect with
48:01
anybody with their heartfelt stories of strength and wisdom. I'm here to provide a
48:07
safe place to help you unleash and digest and be vulnerable to help your body
48:12
heal. Please follow the Pain Game Podcast wherever you digest your podcast content,
48:16
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48:24
Catch you on the other side.