Latest / Dear Chelsea / Muting JLo with Nikki Glaser

Transcript

Muting JLo with Nikki Glaser · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Good afternoon, Catherine. Karen, I always called you Karen. Oh
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: my god, that's the you know. My old assistant's name
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: is Karen, and she is really dealing with the wrath
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: of being named and she's like, I hate being called Garrett.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: We actually got an email from someone who said that
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: she's dealing with so much of like losing her love
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: for her name, that she's having suicidal ideation, like it's
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: really impacting. Yeah, maybe we should lay off the Karen
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: and move on to another name then, yeah, or just
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: stop acting like that exactly. So how's everything going? What's
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: going on in your world? Wow? So I and my
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: husband actually put our first offer in on a house. Congratulation.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: That's exciting. Yeah, we're shopping and it's all very new
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: and sort of confusing, but oh that's exciting. That's fun,
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: super stoked. We found a cute place and Alta Dina,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: which feels very far away, but think that's where I
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: sell my breast Okay, Altodina excellent vaccinated in horny breast smolk.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: You can find it there. That's exciting. Karen. Congratulations. Well
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I hope you get the house. Thank you, And but
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: you're still doing renovations on the house. Yes, and they
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: came in with what began as one estimate as ballooned
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: into a completely different numbers. So my business managers sent
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: me an email last week that sounded like I was
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: four years old. Um, they're like Chelsea in all caps.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: How could you possibly think this is an acceptable budget?
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: I was just like, fuck off. I'm like, God, they're
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: just such alarmists. Everything is so Meanwhile, you know you
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: can never trust anything with budgets and contractors. I don't
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: know what I'm doing. I mean, I've lost all Like
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I used to be so excited about projects. Now I'm
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: just like whatever, Joe's renovating his house, I'm renovating my house.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: So we've been in a rental for almost a year together,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: which is nice. It's like a little nice ending spot.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: But it's in Beverly Hills. And I told you about
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: all the plastic surgery faces I see walking around that
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I don't like that. That looks like my future. And
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I'm not down with you, know what I mean, Well,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: you still look like yourself, thankfully you don't look like
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: plastic surgery. Well, thank you, because I haven't had plastic surgery,
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: so I hope. I don't look like that. They all
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: start to look like I know, because as soon as
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: you start aging, you're like, oh, what would this look
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: like if you pull your fucking you know, cheek back, Like, oh,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I like this. But yeah, I don't want to have
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: to get a facelift, but I don't know, as I
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: probably will get one. I don't know. Joe won't be
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: down with that, but you know, he doesn't really have
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: any say in the matter anyway. I have shows coming
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: up this weekend. I am in Pittsburgh on June second.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: June three, i am in d C. I have two
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: shows in d C. There are tickets available for the
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: second show, and then I am in Philadelphia on June four,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: and then I'm back in Huntington's Long Island for my
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: third show there on Saturday night or is that a
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Sunday night, I don't know. It's this weekend though, Pittsburgh, Philly,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: d C and Huntington's Amazing. And my boyfriend is going
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: to be with me, yeah, because he's directing my special,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: so he's going to be there and I'm going to
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: drag him on stage. Excellent. I'm also going to pull
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: up my horoscope what sign are you? Oh, I didn't
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: know that. When's your birthday? Oh my god, that's my
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: sister Simone's birthday of March. Yeah, Pisces are the most.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: That birthday is probably the most. My sister is the
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: most diplomatic, easy person to get along with. Yeah, yeah,
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: she's pretty much My coolest friend is Simone. Love that
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: she's the one you're talking about retiring to Vermont with
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: right and becoming Lesbian's right. She's the sister that I'm
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: thinking romantically about futuristically. Well, not not really, because I
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: have Joe now, so I can't even Yeah, I don't
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: think we're gonna thropple up, although I think both my
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: sisters would be open to it if I could be
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: quite frank, which I believe I can be. They can
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: live in the mother in law sweet in the back somewhere.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, something like that. But I told her
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: to pack up her broken stocks because we're heading to Maine.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: I want to buy a farm, and who knows what's
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: going to happen from there on out. I'm gonna get
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: really into gardening. I know. I'm excited about our guest today.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Me too, because she's sweet and She's a comedian. She
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: hosts that HBO show which is called f Boy Island
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Right HBO Max, And she is the star of her
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: own reality show which is now on e which is
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: called Welcome Home Nicki Glazer. We have Nicki Glazer on
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: the show today. Let's talk to her. Hi, Nikki, Hello, Hello, Hi,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Hi COVID. I don't have CONVID. I just took a test.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: I thought I had it, and I sometimes you just
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: give it to just like change your life. I was
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: just coming to l A for a bunch of press,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: and I think this was the only thing I was
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: looking forward to, to be honest with you, and I'm
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: so glad it could be done remotely. But I think
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I just was like, yes, I have COVID. I gotta
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: go home. But I know, I know what you mean.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: So do you think you had it? I tested positive
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: back in um August for like the Delta Kinds, so
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: I definitely capable of getting it. But I was in
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: so my co host on my podcast and my guy
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: who opens for me on the road, he's positive right
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: now and he caught it from Natasha, but he's been
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: positive for months. Natasha is a cesspool to shout out
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: to Natasha. I just read her book that she has
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: coming out. It's called The World Deserves My Children. It
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: is the fucking funniest parenting book I've ever read. So
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: anyone listening, please go to Natasha. Oh yeah, it's so
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: good and it's so funny and Mosha her husband is
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: so useless. So for anyone who's a parent, pre order
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: this book. And even if you're not a parent and
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: you want to instill and like met the idea that
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: you've made the right decision, this book will also for you.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: That's good. Natasha, while she was possibly transmitting COVID to
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: me in this little green room backstage, convinced me to
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: freeze my eggs. I was so adamant that I don't
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: need to do that. I just know what I want.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: And after talking to her for like four minutes, Cheep
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: infected me with probably having a baby. At some point.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: I was like, don't do this to me. I don't
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: want to have to do this whole thing. But are
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: you gonna go freeze? Are you interested in having children? Nikki? No, No, Chelsea,
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not. I feel really good about not doing it,
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: but I'm just fearing that I will at some point.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: It's just I'm thirty. I'm about to be thirty eight
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: in a month, so it's the time to freeze them.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: It's probably a little too late. Yeah, I think she
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: was thirty eight when she throws hers. I'm so excited
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: to talk to you today at all, really, because your
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: most recent book meant a lot to me, and it
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: makes me excited to confer things that I'm like kind
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: of you know, avoiding, and so I actually did a
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: lot during COVID, but I'm still running from something. You
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: did a lot of therapy during COVID. I mean I've
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: always done a lot of therapy, but during COVID it
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: got bad. I got constant suicidal thoughts. I mean, I
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: was living with my parents, I was in between apartments
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: in New York. I was upgrading my life. I got
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: rid of all my furniture, got an apartment that is
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: three times as much of I ever even considered paying
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: for rent. I was like it had an elevator opening
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: onto Like I was like, I deserved this. I'm having
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: a good year. And my least started March one, and
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: I was in l A until the fifte and then
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I just never went back. I just went to my
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: parents house to just wait it out, and then I
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: stayed there, paid for this apartment for fucking eleven months
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: until I found a sub letter on the last month,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: and then I just stayed in St. Louis. I moved
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: down to my parents house, but I knew that when
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: things shut down, I was not going to be okay
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: on my own. I lived alone, but I didn't really.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I just would always go home after doing sets all
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: night long and being out all day doing podcasts, running around,
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: and I would just go to sleep. I didn't like
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I never sat alone with myself. I couldn't like be
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: alone with a book. It was just only going home
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: to sleep. And so the idea of living alone and
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: not having anywhere to go, I was so scared. So
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: I just went to my parents and then well I
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: wasn't good after a little bit. I think it just
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I was just so depressed during I mean, who wasn't
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: and I just was. I've always struggled with like suicidal ideations,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: but they just there was nowhere. There was nothing to
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: make them stop during that time, and so things were
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: going well, like I was still like co hosting Jimmy
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Kimmel and doing Zoom appearances, people still remembered me. It
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: wasn't like I was. I think initially I thought I
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: was scared of being forgotten or something, but it just
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: didn't matter. That's the other thing. It's like my parents
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: being like, but you're killing it. Things are great, Why
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: do you want to die? And I just like, I
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: just I just do. And so I think that forced
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: me to to get help. I got in recovery from
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: my eating disorder, which became I wouldn't lear during COVID
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: because there was nothing else that one I had been
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: bearing forever. And so that was I think what got
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: me to a place I am now where I am
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: brutally honest, even though I was before. You know, like
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: as a comedian, you're just like I just say everything
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: and I share everything. But I wasn't really being honest.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: And now I think, looking at how terrible my food
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: situation was in my relationship with it, it like really
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: it forced me to like get help. And that was
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: the one that was always like I quit drinking, I
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: quit smoking weed, I would quit everything else, but that
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: was like I don't want to give up binging and
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: starving and all that, And then I finally had to
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: give that up and that's where it gets all the
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: all the feelings come in. And then there's no stand up.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: That's another drug, like just going on stage and getting it,
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: just these little like dopamine hits. Doing podcasting, like I
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: just filled my life with podcast That's why I started
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: doing it four times a day. I was just like, there,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I can't just do nothing. What do people do? Yeah? Yeah, well,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I feel like you're not alone.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: A lot of comedians are out there projecting onto the world.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: They're honesty when they are hiding things underneath that like that.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: You know, I can relate to that for sure. Personally,
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: the thing is everyone has their ship. It's not like
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: you're the only one struggling with something, you know. So
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: it feels very lonely when you're experiencing an addiction, but
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: it's so common. Yeah, I think I have to talk
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: about like the reality of what my eating disorder looked like,
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: because I would say, you know, oh I would binge,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: but like, what does that really look like? What does
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: that mean? I'm also like a thinner woman. So people go, okay, sure,
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you've been what is And I would say, oh,
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: I wake up in the morning and there's like seven
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: protein bar rappers because I've started all day and I
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: eat throughout the night. They were really like seventeen. Like
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: that's the kind of honesty I'm talking about where it's
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: like you you say something shocking and honest, but what's
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: the reality is. It was thousands and thousands of calories
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: that I was putting in. And then I'm the same
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: way of like I can kind of cold turkey something
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: and put these like really hard limits on myself and
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: stick to um. But to me, something else just pops
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: for me, something else pops up to fill that. So
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: with blieve me. And when I was throwing up, I
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: just kept getting a mouth acne that just would no
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: matter how much I scrub my face afterwards, brush my teeth,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: I just couldn't. And I couldn't. It was a vanity
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: thing where I go, Okay, well, I can't throw up
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: anymore because this is giving me gigantic volcano like volcano
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: acne around my mouth. So then I go, okay, I'll
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: run six miles every day no matter what. And then
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: I fucking sprained my leg and then I'm like, okay,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: well then I'll just starve all day and call it
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: intermittent fasting. And then suddenly it's something that I can
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: I can get away with being anorexic now and just
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: call it intermittent fasting, like this is awesome. So I
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: just kept finding ways, and I think when COVID hit,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: I just I really at this moment where I woke
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: up in bed and there were all these protein bar wrappers,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: because that's all I was living on was these protein
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: bars and just starving all day and just trying to
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: figure out what to do all day, so I didn't eat,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: and that's why I would fill up my life with stuff.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: And then I realized, oh my god, this is why
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I'm living with my parents, because why I don't have
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: a Boyfriend's why I can't let anyone near me because
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: I I have rappers in my bed. I'm not being honest.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I can't let someone go grab my purse and get
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: something for me ever, because I have so many gum
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: rappers in there. Because I was also addicted to gum chewing,
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: like I was like a cigarette smoker. I was like,
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: I'm at four packs a day, like I've tried it.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: That was a small day, and I was just bloated
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: and sick from it and wasting all this money on gum,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: like having to have Amazon ship me gum on the
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: road just because this place wouldn't have my I mean,
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: it was just sick. But it was so manageable because
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: no one says anything, and I could sneak gum and
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: pop pieces without people even noticing that I was doing it.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: I would clean up the rappers in the morning, but
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: it was still like this part of my life that
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: if someone opened that door and looked in, would go,
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: what the fuck? And I think my reality show now
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: is a response to having nothing to hide, Like you
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: can go in my purse now, you can go in
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: my closet. It's a mess, but there's not food rappers,
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: it's not You're not gonna find throw up sains in
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: my toilet. There might be like ship stains, but that's
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: like an appropriate thing to be in the you know,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Like I still have shameful things, but it's not the
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: things that I'm deeply ashamed of and hiding. There's nothing
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: I'm hiding anymore. So I think I always wanted to
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: do a reality show, but I was like, I can't
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: because I'm not It would be too hard to hide everything,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: and what if they found out this one thing and
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: behind my back, the producers started a storyline and and
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: it came out because you don't really have as much
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: control as you think you have. But at this point,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, well they could find anything. And
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, yeah, all right, well I do that.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: That's fine. Yeah, that's a good way to keep yourself honest. Yeah.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I just feel like if the world watches my reality show,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: and it's like I just always have this feeling my
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: whole life of being disgusting. I can't keep a clean room,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I stain everything. My mom always saying this is why
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: you can't have nice things, Like I just I'm like
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: a dirty person, always feel like inside stained. And now
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: I just I'm like, yeah, I just have a d
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: h D. Like that's kind of how that's what it is.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: And I'm not a bad person because I'm a disaster
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: in terms of organization, like I need help. Whereas I
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: really felt like a bad person with all this eating stuff,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: which I still have shame about, but at least I
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: figured it out and it's not there anymore. And I
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: feel like with the reality show, it's my final like
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: get it. I didn't. I didn't buy new makeup. I
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: didn't do my makeup, I didn't buy new clothes, I
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: didn't straighten my house up before the cameras came. I
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: really made an effort to be like this is I
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: really want to be okay with myself. And I wanted
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: to kind of teach my mom stop trying to be
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: something for people. My mom's on the show, and it
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: was a lesson for her to like, people are gonna
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: see a side of you, literally that you might think
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: you look heavy, or something like let's see what happens,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: see what happened, Like I would go the Housewives. You
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: love all these women and they're deplorable. They're bad people,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: but you you love them, so people are gonna love
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: you and you're not deplorable. I think doing the show
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: as a test of like just self acceptance a little bit.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I like that. That's a good flip for
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: a reality show, or I mean, a good way to
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: talk about a reality show, because so many reality shows
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: are not what you see like it's not it's so ridiculous.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: You know, like these scenes that they set up, and
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: obviously you have to set up scenes, but you want
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: them to take their natural path, and I typically do
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: not watch reality television because of that. It's like I'd
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: rather watch good actors act instead of regular people act.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: But I like what everything you're saying, Nikki, and I
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: feel for you. I hope you reach out good. Reach
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: out to me. Ever, any time you ever need to
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: talk to like someone seriously, always reach out to me.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: I mean it because I feel that from you. Honestly,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: we don't know each other that well, but I you're
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: just someone who's so non judgmental, and I mean that's
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: what I find in my female comic friends. It's like
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: we just we're so honest, and thank God for other
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: female comics, you can just get so honest so fast,
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: and and we are all all there for each other.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: So I appreciate that. I really am doing well though
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: I I talked very honestly about the things I worry about,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: but I feel like overall, I'm feeling pretty confident and
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: happy and living in St. Louis and like saying, Okay,
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to live in l A or New York,
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: which was an obsession of mine because I just didn't
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: want anyone else to get better at comedy than me.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Because it's all about competition. Like I was also out
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: every night because you know, as a comedian, you're as
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: good as as many times. Like it's like working out.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: You got to do it all the time. And if
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: you're not doing it and you see someone else on
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: a lineup, you're like, she's getting better than me. And
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: it's always a she, because I'm a fucking human who
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: feels competition where and there isn't room for all of us.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: So like I ate this idea of like, don't be
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: jealous of other women, lift them up. I believe in
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: lifting other women up. But it's okay to feel jealous
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: of other women. There really isn't room for all of us.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: They kind of only have one quirky best friend in
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: in in comedy movies, like there's not two, Like you
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: might get you might not get a role because another
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: woman exists, Like I have to embrace that. Sometimes I
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: get jealous, and then it's okay for people to be
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: better than me and work harder than me, and then
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: I deserve a goddamn break. Yeah, And I also think
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: that there is room for everybody. It's just not what
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: you have in your mind. You have this idea like yeah,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: you there's a quirky best friend role. There's one in
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: each movie. But how many movies have a quirky best
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: friend role? Several? Listen, the jealousy thing is a natural
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: human instinct that happens whatever you're doing. You know, it's
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: very I have yet to meet somebody that's not jealous
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: or doesn't have jealousy or look at someone else and
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: be competitive and be like, wait, why are they getting that?
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: Why am I not getting that? It's a matter of
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: how you react to that jealousy, you know. It's it's
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: a matter of how you respond to that feeling, because
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: that is a human feeling and it's totally normal and typical.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: But anytime I don't get something and I go, oh,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: I would have liked that or something, I just go
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: look at everything you have, Like, look at what you have?
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: How could you ever ever be like I want that? Like,
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: if anything, I should take a step back and say, Okay,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna take anything any of these opportunities for
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: however many years and just be generous, you know, I mean,
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that, but you know what
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, Yes, well, Louise, Hey, I don't know if
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: you know, I've ever heard of this woman, but I
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: found her like through YouTube and looking up like how
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: to feel better and in gratitude. She has this great
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: quote about whatever your God is the universe, if you're
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: not grateful for what you have, they're not going to
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: give you any more gifts. Like I would never give
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: a gift to someone who every time I gave them something,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: they were like, I don't even like it. It's not
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: even like what I wanted and it's not enough. And
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: so that hearing that, I was like, okay, my concept
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: of God or the universe like I need to just
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: force myself to just be. So I try to do
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: the thing where you like close the night with like
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: what went well today, and wake up in the morning
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: and go what I'm grateful for my hands. I'm like
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: the just the bare minimum you know of gratitude. But
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: it's and it's okay to like you said, jealousy does
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: creep up, and I just I just mute j Lo,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: like I don't need to see j Lo on my feed.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: You know what, I see a lot of Hajlo on
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: my feet. I wonder if that's everybody is j Loo?
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Is j Loo the most pre eminent person of our
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: lifetime because I I have no problem gazing. Oh. Actually
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I watched a j Lo movie this weekend when I
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: was in whatever city I was in, wait the documentary, No,
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: not that, Yeah, but I'm all married to that. Oh.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: I watched Marry Me. I paid like twenty dollars for
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: it in my hotel room because I was like, Okay,
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I was in a city that I wasn't interested in perusing,
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: and so I was like, what am I going to watch?
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: And I looked at all the movies and I tried one.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I tried one period piece and it was a little
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: too disney Ish for me, so I had to forego that.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: And then I watched the j Loo movie. And you know,
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: it's so easy to watch her, her face, her her legs.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: You're just like, what the fuck is going on with
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: your jeans? You know, like what kind of gene pool.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I know she doesn't drink because I've been around her.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: She does not drink, so that's one thing. But she's
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: also Latino, so that's a whole Latino. Well she might
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: be Latino too. She's Latina and her fucking skin is
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: a different world. I also know she's up to some tricks.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: You know that she doesn't admit, so I know that
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: obviously she's fucking fifty something and does not our wrinkle
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: or any you know, like your skin changes. Well you're
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: probably too young, Nikki, but like around you start to
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: go like is my skin thinning? Like it's creepy on
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: my body, Like I have to lubricate when I wake up,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: when I go to bed. Now I have to lubricate
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Joe Koy's feet because he's always in my bed. He goes,
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: he goes, don't look at my feet. Don't look at
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: my feet. I go, honey, they're a cute little Filipino footbed.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: What are you talking about? I go, I can look
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: at your feet any day. I go, what are you
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: talking about? He's like, don't, don't they're so ugly. I go,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: your feet. I've had to do this with him. I'm like,
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: your feet are beautiful, there's nothing wrong with your feet,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: And he's like, really you think so when we first
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: got together, you got home. I love that he hasn't
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: secured like someone tortured him about his feet. In his path,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: he steps on them when he's getting in the shower,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: like in orangitang. He puts his tucks his toes under
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: his feet. I what are you doing? That's so bad
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: for you? How can you even stand? And he's like, oh,
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: I just fucking hate my feet to go sho you
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: walk around with him talk he's trying to hide them.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I bet something. It's so funny. That's shame that we
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: have about those, Like I'm guessing someone said something about
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: his feet, because that's such a weird thing to be
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: so obsessive about. Other people don't. And it's so sweet
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: that I love the reaction where he goes, wait, you
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: do you like them? Like it's just a sweet little
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: boy you sometimes see your boyfriend or like you know,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: even just your friends, just if you shrunk them, Like
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: the way they move or the way you go that
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: is a four year old. It's so sweet. I'm obsessed
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: with you and Joe Koit can I I know you've
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: just talked about it at nauseam, but I'm obsessed. We
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: need to. I am so come on, girl, like I
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: am so happy for you. It's you know, people love
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: to talk about Chelsea and Joe Koy the comedians being
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: like it's a thin it's just stuff. I mean, people
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: are saying, I'll tell you what we're talking about. I've
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: always been on your team and thought it was real.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: But people are like, no, it's just a thing to
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: get people to buy tickets to their show. And I'm
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: just like, you know what, it's not read humans at
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: all paid and that like as I would pay. That's
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: fucking fake create. I mean, they clearly don't know anything
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: about you, have never you know. It's just people love
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: to just be cynical. It's like the same people that
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: thought that the Will Smith slap was fake. I'm just like,
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: have you do know how to read people? Both the
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: reactions afterwards from those people they're not actors, Like, It's
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: just it makes me question people when they're like, oh,
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: Chelsea and Joke are a fake, I'm like, well, then
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: you have a bad read on people, because first of all,
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: this is old Hollywood where people are set up to
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: like for promotional purposes. Uh like that you would have
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: to have two people agree to a fake narrative, like
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: people Joe who's not fake and me who is also Like,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: I can't lie or even pretend you can vouch there
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: is a decent amount of snuggling when he's in You
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: guys are so in love. It's kind of like we're
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: waiting for it that period to go away, Like you
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: guys are like Courtney and Travis. There's a little bit
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: of that, but it's for me. I love that ship.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: I love that unsustainable obsession. Cut Ce Boots. Stuff I
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: need to know, And I'm sure you've covered this. What
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: was the moment it shifted? And I know I've I've
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: read extensively to try to find this answer. When did
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: it become who said it first? Like who addressed it first?
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: Like this I did? I was like, what did you say?
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: We're in Vegas. I was at the Barrage. He came
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: to see me perform, and I was doing my first
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: new hour of this tour, vaccinated in horny, so I
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: hadn't put it up. I just run it at the
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Bray Improv like eight shows, and so was my first
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: bigger venue, and I was nervous. I was like, funk, okay,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: I gotta remember all this. I had like eight pages
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: of notes, like I was really just getting it out
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: of feet and he was just so sweet and so
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: he showed up in Vegas and we had been hanging
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: out a lot for months but we weren't. Nothing ever happened,
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Like Joe didn't feel anything before. No, Like I assumed
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: he had a crush on me. But if I would
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: just still with that when it became unmanageable, yes, like
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: you've been through that before your guy friends. I was like,
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: if he tries to fuck me, I won't be hanging
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: out with him again. You know, you're waiting for that
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: other suitor drop because okay, so you clocked that he
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: had a crush on you. You though, you know in
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: your quietest moments, was there like were you finding yourself
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: dandream about him or was it truly just this moment
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: where it was like nothing and then everything for Yeah,
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: I mean it was a build. It was a build.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: But I was definitely not open to him. I was
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: not attracted to him. My girlfriends would all be like,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: when are you gonna admit your fucking Joe KOI. I'm like,
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not sucking Joe koy. I would be
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: the first to tell you if that were going on.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: And then so in Vegas, I remember he walked into
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: the room. My sister was there, I had some group
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: of friends there. He walked into the room and I
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: just remember seeing him and looking at him like, wait
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: a second, I want to fuck Joe koy. I think
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: I want to suck him. And then it became an
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: emergency because I had to see if his penis was
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: the right size from my Pikachu, my God, and I
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: had like I wasn't going to move forward until I
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: had all the information already seen him naked. I feel
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: like you with their Chelsea Lately parties, things get wild,
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: like wasn't there already? So if he had ever gotten
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: naked at one of my parties, that would have never
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: sucked him. But anyway, you guys were like so close,
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: did you talk about like your sex lights? Like were
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: you hearing about his dating stuff? Like was there? He
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: would have did not talk about He wouldn't talk about
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: any women in front of me. He Joe has like
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: he liked you. He just yeah, he always liked me.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: But he was never going to jeopardize our relationship. He
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: was never going to make a move on me because
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: he knew that I would go gross, get away from me,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: don't talk to me again. So he knew that it
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: had to be my idea, which was right, And I
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: just said to him, I was like you have do
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: you have a crush on me? And he was like,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: oh god, Chelsea, why do you have to Was it
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: before the show? After no, late night like two in
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: the morning you see him in this he walks in
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: your like horny for him, And so you said it
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: in that moment or did you just go oh fun,
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: did you like go back to your notes and You're
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: like I can't even like focus right now because I'm
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: like what is this feeling? And feeling? And then when
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: did you finally say do you have a crush on me?
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: When was late night like two thirty in the morning. No,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: I was able to focus. We did the show, shows great,
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: we all went out gambling, had a great night, and
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: then we were just getting more like snugly, like touchy feely,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: you know. I was like letting him know, like game on.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: And then we got back to the room in Vegas
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: and I said do you have a crush on me?
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: And he was like, well, what do you mean? And
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: I was like, Joe, either you have a crush on
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: me or don't, Like just were you touching when this happened,
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Like were you like hugging when he so, where where's
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: this coming? I needed all the details to I wish
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: I could give them to you, but we have to
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: take fucking callers. Nikki, I mean, this is okay advice
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: the podcast. I know, I know, but I I need
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: advice about it. Okay, yes, we'll get to it. But
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: I'll come on your podcast and talk about Joe and
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: I was love details. I'm gonna I'm writing my new book.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: It's called The Filipino in Me, a love story. But
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: I will give you all the details. Of course, I
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: would never lie to keep them all to myself. I
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: would never be so selfish. But okay, so this is
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: how to advice people call. We really need to help them. Okay,
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: are you you have your advice thinking cap on. Yeah,
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: I'm so good at this, amazing, I'm so glad. The
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: first question is how do you get out of something
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: by pretending you have COVID? And we're gonna take a
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: quick break and we'll be right back and we're back. Yeah,
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: we're back. Thank god, Oh my god, thanks God. We're
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: back with Nicki Glazer and my wonderful co host Catherine,
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: and we are going to start taking questions and callers. Indeed,
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: our first question comes from Haley. This all leans very
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: f boy centric today, so we're keeping it on. Haley says,
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. I've been in a new relationship for six
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: months and it's going great. He shows me he cares
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: and thoughtful ways every day and really challenges me in
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: all the ways I want to be challenged by a partner.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Shortly after we started dating, he had to go to
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: California for a month. We talked on the phone for
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: hours every day and really got to know each other.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: While he was away, we would send each other what
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: I like to call quote self portraits, which I knew
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: he was saving to his hidden photos folder. About a
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: month ago, I asked him about the self portraits and
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: if I could look through them. I'm not sure what
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: prompted me to ask. I think it was mostly out
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: of vanity, but also I liked the idea of him
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: having them in a private folder for himself. He quickly
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: told me I couldn't and I asked if I was
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: the only girlfriend in that folder. He immediately got defensive
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: and tried to tell me that asking him to do
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: anything about the contents of the folder would be an
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: invasion of his privacy. His response took me by surprise.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Since I haven't made any specific requests in that regard.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: I haven't cared for a boyfriend this deeply before. But
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: I'm put off by how sketchy he's acting about this folder.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I don't expect him to quote erase his past, his words,
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: not mine, but knowing that he had those photos of
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: me made me feel special. Now. I feel like I'm
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: an option, even though his actions tell me I'm not.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: His reaction that day felt very contradictory to the man
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: that I'm with, and I don't know what to do. Hayley,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. So they he moved to California? Did I
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: miss something? Are these back? Like? Yeah, they just spent
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: like a month apart, But that was when she was
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: like sending him these, let's say, nuty phonies And how
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: long have they been together? Six months? Six months? Somebody's
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: a better listener than the host, I'm really trying. Yeah,
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: that's a big red flag, first of all, because those
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: are pictures of you in there, So are you not
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: allowed to see the pictures of you? Regardless of what
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: other photos he has? Like, that's a big red flag. Well,
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: so I think he because she said his own words
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: were erased my past he must have definitely given some
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: indication that there were other girls in that folder and
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: he didn't want her to see those other girls? Is that,
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: like X, and is that that's what I had assumed?
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: And now upon like I've read this so many times,
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: but somehow reading it out loud, I'm like, maybe there
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: are other current girls and the absolutely current girls, or
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: first of all, if there were ex girlfriends, it's completely
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: reasonable and the right thing to do to go, oh,
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: I'm going to delete these now that I'm in a
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: relationship with you, Like that would be disrespectful to be
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: jerking off in your spare time to your ex girlfriends,
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: Like the folder should just be of you if you're
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: dating him, and it's totally normal and fine for you
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: to ask to see that, like there's nothing wrong with that.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: And the fact that he said no, yeah, that's a
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: big red flag, like I wouldn't trust this guy at all. Yeah,
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: you're absolutely right. It means there's current stuff. Because if
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: she's cool with like, okay, I understand you have your excess,
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: he could go, okay, I'll delete him right now. This
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: is a good moment to do that done. But the
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: fact that he got weird about it either he wants
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: to hold onto those which shouldn't be that important to him,
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: or something else is going on. If this sucks, I
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: hate this kind of moment where everything's great except this
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: one thing. Mmm. I wouldn't mind a guy keeping ex photos.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I kind of get horned up for him. I like
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: to see them, But you like to see his exes, yeah,
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: would his exes like I like seeing like old like
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: the hot ladies he's had in his pass. It really
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: like horns me up. But it's basically what she wants
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: and if he's not willing to give her that, that sucks.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: It's not a good So it's a it's a it's
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: a big red flag. Why don't you what's her name? Haley? Haley?
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: I think you should really like give him an ultimatum
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: about seeing that when you're in person with him, so
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: that he can either shut up or put up. And
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: if he's not willing to show those to you, then
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: like he's hiding something from you, and that's the only
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: reason that he wouldn't show them to you. So you know,
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: however you feel about that, I would definitely move on.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: I feel like he's gonna pit her to be like, oh,
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: you're the girlfriend that just wants to go through my
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: phone and you're like, no, I just wanted to see
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: a hot picture of myself, and then it turned the
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: whole thing. Right, I am only asking and this is
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: only important to me because you're being so weird about it.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: I don't care about anything else. I trust you, but
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: this reaction is leading me to not trust you, and
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: I can't get over it until until you make this right.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: And if you can't, by Yeah, if you don't trust
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: my reaction, you should trust the fact that if there's
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: nothing unreasonable in here, I won't be up. Yes, too bad.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: There's not dates on photos? Right? And that folder? Would
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: there be dates? No? There wouldn't be though, or would
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: that You can see it in the metadata like if
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: you yeah, well there you go. You should steal his
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: phone if he doesn't give it to you and fuck
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: it look through it and then you'll get your answers. Yes,
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: face ib can work wonders when someone is sleep. I
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: have no problem with people going through each other's phones.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: I think that's fine. There's nothing to hide. I think
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: you shouldn't have anything to hide. It's kind of but
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: it's kind of like the n s a thing of
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: like I'm always like, who cares if they're listening at
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: my conversation, I've got nothing to hide, And people are like, well,
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: because they can like make up stuff to incriminate you,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: they can use your stuff that you're innocent when so
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: it's a matter of sometimes I get worried that the
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: person might invent something of all the data they're collecting
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: on me and and get insane about it. But yeah,
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I generally I've whenever I'm trying to hide my phone
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: from someone, i've got something to hide, it's never because
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: it's like it's just for me. It's because I don't
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: want them to know a part about myself that I'm
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: trying to keep from them. Yeah, I think that's a
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: good point. I was just actually talking about guys who
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: don't put their girlfriends on their Instagram or their wives,
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: and they do it as like I'm just honoring like
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: her privacy, like their comedians that work the road, and
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: they go, I just like my wife just she's a
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: private person. It's like, no, you want to present as
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: a man that doesn't have a wife. You're on the
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: road when girls look you up and they go see
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: you with clubs. It's like this whole thing of like
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: I'm just being a good guy, like I just you know,
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: it's like it's such bullshit. One of my best friends
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: has a girlfriend. He and his wife got a divorce.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: He's been dating this girl for like probably two years
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: they lived together. He has never posted a photo of
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: a photo of her on his Instagram except two close friends,
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: which means like, not everybody, I'm just like you, you're
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: hiding her. I do understand. There's this whole storyline and
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: the show the Ultimatum that I'm watching right now of like, yes,
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: when you're an influencer and you post a picture, especially
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: when you're a girl and you rely on male followers,
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: if you post a picture of your boyfriend, you lose.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: You lose followers because men are just like I guess
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: we can't have her now, like it was ever an
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: option for them to get you. So I understand, like
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: it's a branding thing. Even when I post something saying
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: I have a boyfriend, I feel like less likes, just
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: like people are just like not into it. Whereas guys
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: when they're like look at my hot girlfriend, everyone fucking love,
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: they get so much more. I definitely get I still
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: get disgusting d M s when I post about Joe
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: and me. I will still get d M saying I
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: want to put my cock in your asshole, like I
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: can't wait to fuck you. So it's not good. I
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: will never go away. I have quite the opposite experience
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: because people love. People seem to love our love story, well,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: the people who believe it anyway, um and and and
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: and man, it hasn't stopped man from telling me that
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: they're going to suck me. So I think men like
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: to tell women like me that they're going to fuck
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: because they know they're never going to fuck a woman
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: like me, so they like to write that down anonymously
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: because obviously, okay, what's what do we have next? Catherine?
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: So our next is a caller? This is Brooke? Is
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: this a picture of Vladimir Putin m who is actually
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: um Borris Karloff as looking at Catherine sweatshirt Dracula, which
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: is actually done by a friend of mine, Jonah Animoy
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: and shout out all the school art, Jonah Animoy. It
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: actually does look like Vladim. I guess Dracula and Vladimir
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Putin have a similar look on their face. So that
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: works out perfectly. Uh. Well, Brooke is on the phone
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: with us today. We have callers who call in, so
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: she says, Dear Chelsea, My wife and I have been
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: together for about ten years and married for five. Her sister, Megan,
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: is married with two kids and one dog. Megan and
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: her family have poor hygiene. They appear to have no
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: awareness of the issue, and the rest of my wife's
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: family has never brought it to their attention. Their dog
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: is about eleven years old, and quite frankly, his physical
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: needs are neglected. He's never bathed, his fur is matted,
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: and he seems to have an underlying skin condition. He smells,
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: his nails are long, he has anxiety, and he barks incessantly.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: Despite all this, my wife and I have watched the
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: dog numerous times in the past. When he comes to
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: our house, we bathe him immediately. It's a chore because
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: he's not used to it, and it seems to be
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: quite painful for him to be touched in certain areas.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: I know. We do our best to groom him, but
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: it has become impossible due to the severity of the
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: matted fur. He needs professional intervention. I watched him for
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: five days by myself last year, and after that I
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: set a boundary that I would not do it again.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: It was hard to look at him as someone who
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: suffered emotional and physical neglect as a child. It is
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: particularly triggering to see him and to feel powerless to
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: intervene without creating family drama. My wife has asked me
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: repeatedly to not say anything to her sister about the dog,
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: and until recently, I reluctantly agreed. Last week, Megan asked
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: my wife if I could watch the dog again. They
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: do not want to hire someone. I stuck to my
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: guns and said no. My wife made some excuses instead
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: of communicating the underlying concerns and this kind of indirect
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: communication is the norm and her family. Instead of accepting
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: Noah's an answer, Megan proceeded to ask more specific questions
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: about the excuses my wife had made and proceeded to
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: guilt trip me via my wife, saying things like family
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: helps family. I got upset, and I decided, with my
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: wife's approval, to text her directly. I provided a list
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: of three reasons why I did not want to watch
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: her dog. I told her that I wanted to speak
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: honestly and directly, even if it would upset her. The
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: reasons were one, the dog is not bathed, two, its
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: snails are very long, and I've just spent a lot
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: of money refinishing my hundred year old hardwood floors. And
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: three he barks incessantly, which makes it difficult for me
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: to work. Megan freaked out. She called my wife and
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: her entire family sobbing profusely, misstating my words. I did
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: not say anything that was not true about the dog,
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: nor anything that her other family members are not saying
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: behind her back. My wife and the rest of her
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: family are distancing themselves from me and my comments in
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: an effort to soothe Megan. My wife thinks I went
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: too far. Megan's telling her family that she no longer
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: wants to see me or my wife ever again. My
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: in laws feel like Omegan an apology. I disagree and
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: stand by my words. I wish everyone could speak directly,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: but it's not the way they operate. What should I
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: do moving forward? Brooke? And she's here with us today? Hi? Brook, Hi,
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: it's so funny. I was listening to this email. By
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: the way, This is Nikki Glazer, our special guest. Hi
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: and Catherine, you've spoken to our producer, h I was
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: listening to this letter and you kept referring to your wife, Megan,
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: wife Megan, and I'm like, there is no way a
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: straight man is calling into this podcast a woman. I
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: was like that, be like, it's so ridiculous, Yes, Megan,
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: although I think is actually the sister in law. Correct? Correct?
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: So thank you for your time. What's the update, what's
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: the what's going on right now? With this same no communication?
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: You're being kind of ostracised a little bit. Yeah, So
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: I realized when I was rereading that that I was
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: pretty I think I was pretty angry when I wrote it,
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: and now I think I'm just exhosted, right, So so
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: that's uh, that's the update from me is just I'm
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: ready to move on this issue, and I think I was.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: I was pretty upset, and now I just you know,
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: nobody's a bad person, but I just want to figure
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: out how to move forward from this event in a
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: way that is I don't know how to repair it. So, yeah,
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: what's happening now, I think is that no one from
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: my wife's family has had direct communication with me, with
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: the exception of her mother, who sent you short text
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: saying we hope that you come to pass over the stater,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: which was Friday. She hadn't had any communication with me
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: in the couple of weeks leading up to that. Uh,
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: my wife's sister had agreed to go to the stater
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: knowing that I may be there, but I did decline
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: to go because I felt like it would be really
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: tense and if the purpose of attending would be to
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: celebrate or you know, and be with other people, I
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: didn't feel like that purpose would be achieved by my presence,
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: so I didn't go. And that's pretty much where we're at.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: What a what a bummer? Such a bummer? I mean,
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: talking to you for this short period of time, like
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: you can tell that you're a pretty rational regular You're
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: not like a hot tempered kind of person, not generally. No,
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty to the point, and I try to be
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: relatively even keeled. So I think it was really just
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: the directness of the communication that she wasn't accustomed to write. Well,
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: you just said, you said yourself that they grew up
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: in a family with indirect communication, So of course, what
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: happens when that happens when you're direct with somebody who
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: has that historical like framework then they immediately are a
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: victim and they're crying and the whole family has to
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: come and gather around them because they've never been told
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: the truth before. Yeah, yes, that's exactly it. Well, it's
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: it's almost like you look at these kind of family
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: dynamics and they're incapable of telling the truth. It's not
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: even like they know the truth and they're denying it.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: It's they cannot and they cannot take any accountability. There's
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: zero accountability that this family can take. What I'm wondering,
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: what was the sister's response to the dog is dirty,
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: it barks incessantly, it has skin issues, all these things.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: Was there any like, No, it's not like what was
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: that response? Yeah? And and part of the reason I
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: think why my correspondence to her was a little bit snarky,
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: admittedly in parts, was I wanted her to ask herself
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: that question of when was the last time that I
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: that I gave my dog a bath? Because truthfully, I
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: have made that much more often than she has. So yeah,
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: that that issue seems to be completely glossed over. Right,
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: I've been told that my wife has been told that
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: we're not to discuss the dog anymore. And that we're
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: not really invited to be around it. I guess they
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: don't want us to see whether or not they've made
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: any paying you to watch this dock? Are you getting
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: You're just expected to watch their barkie like kind of
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: neglected dog. It's just well to be to be fair
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: in families, you're not really paying your sister or your
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: sister in law. You're just like they don't want to
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: because you're not paying them. You go, okay, then you
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: don't have to, Like that's the thing. When you're not
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: paying family and they're like, I'd rather not, you just
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: drop it. You don't go why, But that's the way
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: I go, Okay, why does this woman just expect you
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: to do this with her? And she knows her dog
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: barks incessantly. It shows a lot of denial and just
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: I feel like this is a no, no, this is
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: me projecting but an alcoholic family. I was never asking
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: for payment. It's really just a I would like for
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: it to be clean before it gets here. And it's
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: been pretty egregious in the past, and I think really
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: the last straw for me was during the pandemic. We
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: hadn't been watching it because nobody was going anywhere, and
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: I hadn't bathed it, and my wife hadn't bathed it
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: in over a year, and I think he didn't get
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: a bath, right, And then it just became like really
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: essentially too far gone. And you know, I looked into
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: I called a bunch of different rumors. Nobody would accept
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: him if I didn't have proof of vaccination. And also
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: he's like a little bit aggressive when you try to
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: bathe him. And I didn't really want to bring on
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: that liability onto myself, so I just wanted to bow
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: out and not make excuses moving forward. And I think
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: I've accomplished that goal, but now I've created another problem. Well,
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: so what's your wife's status on this right now? How
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: does she Where does she sit with everything? She sits
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: where she wants everybody to get along, like so desperately
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: that she care what needs to be said. Right I
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: think the way would be for me to issue an apology,
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: which I think she knows is not likely to happen. Now.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: I really don't think you should do that. And I
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: read there because that is like renegging, like you're the
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: first person who told the truth. You could make an
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: addendum to your original conversation point of the text, like
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: you can I don't know, this might be too aggressive,
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: but to send it to everybody so that everybody is
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: copied on it, like so that there's yeah. But I mean,
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: I think not to take the responsibility on but for
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: you to just say as a follow up email to
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: the entire family, this is one option. I'm not saying
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: it's the right option, but I think it's good to
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: like lay out your case of what you said and
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: how that made you feel, how it made you feel
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: because of your circumstances and your history and your neglect
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: in your childhood, that it triggered you what you felt
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: like as a child when you weren't you know, whatever
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: you were referring to, and you take ownership of that,
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: so it doesn't take away what you say being what
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: you mean, but you're taking responsibility for it, so it's
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: not putting it on them. You're like, these are all
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: the things that really upset me because of stuff that
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: I went through during my childhood, and I can't be
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: around it. It's too upset. It's too upsetting to see
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: anything being neglected. And quite frankly, not having a bath
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: for over a year is neglect. You can put that
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: in any other term that you want, but that's what
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: it is. So there's ways to say this in a
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: nuanced way so that you're really showing how much you care.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: I know how important this family is, not only to
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: my wife but to me. I want us all to
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: get along too, and me coming out and telling you
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: how I feel, let me give you some more context
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: about why it was such an issue, and we can
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: move on from this in one of two ways, Like
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: we don't have to ever discuss the dog again. You
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: don't have to listen to anything I say, and you
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: can continue doing what you do, but just don't expect
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: us to watch your dog. It's too painful for me,
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: you know. And it doesn't have to be that dramatic.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: But it can be nuanced enough so that you're being
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: reasonable and you're taking accountability for your feelings, and then
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: they can do whatever they want with that, and ended
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: on a note saying I would love for us to
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: move forward as a family. I'm really sorry that my
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: directness cut you in this way, but I had to
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: be honest. That's a promise I made to myself a
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: long time ago that I would not look away in
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: the face of neglect and without pointing finger finger finger,
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: you already said it, They already know it. I think
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: you made your point so that you're not going to be,
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: you know, burdened with that watching that dog again. But
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: it would be better if they actually did something and
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: actually sat, because sometimes you say something and you remove it,
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: Like I like that you didn't go to satar, Like
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: I like that you didn't go to that dinner, because
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: they're just now they just have to like like sitting
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: and thinking about what you actually said. Like there's no
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: way she's looking at her dog not going fuck. Is
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: he neglected? Why haven't I bathed him? Or why someone
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: bathed him? Yeah? I like the idea of maybe sending
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: an email to the entire family because they have they've
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: read my initial correspondence. I did send another text to
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: my wife's sister asking her to have a conversation, and
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: she didn't respond to me. She responded to my wife thing,
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: I don't I don't know what a conversation would do.
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: I don't want to speak to her again. But I
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: kind of like involving other people because they're involved anyway,
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: So right, the more the merrier. Yeah, Well, and I
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: think too. At the end of the day, there is
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: a dog that's not getting the care that he needs,
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: like whether it's because he has a skin issue or
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: whatever it is. I mean, obviously there's also neglect happening.
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: I wonder, do you do they love this dog? They do? Yeah,
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: it's really it truly is a lack of awareness. It's
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: not that they don't love it. I mean, it spends
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: a lot of time with them. It's not a bad dog.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: It's just you know, it's a little anxious and it's dirty. Well,
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: that's also something good to say, like it better, Like
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: it's very clear to me that you love your dog.
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: That's very obvious. What is less obvious is the care
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: that he's receiving. And that hurts me to watch it.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: Keep bringing it back to how it makes you feel
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: instead of being like you're a fucking bad mother. Obviously, right,
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: I wonder since they since they love the dog, it's
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: probably not an issue of like, well maybe we were
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: home this dog. In some instances it might be, but
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: meybe it is something like I also really care for
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: your dog, you know, can we pay for him to
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: go to the groomer? You know once a year? Or
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: once every six months or once every three months or whatever,
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: like maybe there is some sort of compromise you can
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: have there where it's like, we'd love to see this
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: dog getting the like veterinary treatment he needs. And I
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: don't know if that's something that you want to provide for,
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: you know, your sister in law's dog. But I feel
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: like they wouldn't accept it, and and that and the
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: fact that they just closed down the dog talk like
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: this isn't about the dog anymore, like they're not gonna
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: I always find that whenever I'm dealing with a situation
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: like this where I kind of know I'm in the
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: right and I have to apologize to make things right
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: just so people can get along. It's always really helpful
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: in these kinds of emails. And I think Chelsea said
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: coming from your place, like why you got triggered, what
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: your background is with it, so that they can just
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: kind of go, yeah, that's her issue, and then everything
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: can be fine. Even though you know, but starting out
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: the email and this is just a trick of apologizing,
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: don't make any butts of like I did this, but
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: like like you said, rereading that, I was very angry
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: and I might have said some things in a way
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to say it. So take accountability for
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: maybe your tone, maybe how you could have approached things.
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: Those things will go so far in making this kind
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: of amends where you put up a boundary of just
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: saying where you could have maybe done things differently, that
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: will just give them something to grasp onto other than
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: she's just wrong and she's just kind of like placating us,
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: and um, yeah, because you can find something that you
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: would have done differently, which is a beautiful thing that
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: you're able to do even though you're freaking right. Yeah,
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: that's absolutely true. And I think that's a good point
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: because I think the way that I wrote the message
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago is not the way that
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: I would write it today. And I think I was
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: responding to being upset that no wasn't an acceptable answer
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: and we couldn't just spawn and you know the history
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: of this issue. And while I viewed it as I was,
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: you know, for myself snarky on a scale of two
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: or three out of ten, I probably would tone it down.
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: Now you could go to a zero. You know, you
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: could find something that you go I didn't need and
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: you don't need to phrase it like I was mad
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: because you didn't take no as an answer. That's again
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: putting the blame on them like I was having a
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: rough week, I was had all this. It's hard to do,
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: but like making it, giving them something so they can go, oh,
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: it's not our fault, even though you know what it it is. Like,
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: it's that kind of thing. Go so far when you're
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: dealing with dynamics like this where they take no accountability.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: But I'm sorry for the situation. Sucks. Well, let us
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: know how it goes. Okay, keep us posting. We like
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: these kinds of updates. Yes, for sure. Yeah, thank you
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: for every time. I really appreciate Thanks Brook, good luck
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: with everything. Thank you, bye bye. Brooke was so normal
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: that you know her family is a fucking mess. You
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: know she's going to be the level headed one. I'm
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: so bad. I always just take sides, you know what
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: I mean. I immediately take a person side, even if
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: that's the only story side of the story I'm hearing. Yeah,
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: I believe you, and they're the worst, and you just
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: want your partner to like kind of turn their back
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: on their family when they're being irrational too. But that
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: family dynamic is so locked in, especially when it's one
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: where they're just dealing with denial, no accountability, no apologizing,
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: Like her wife is probably struggling with separating from that.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: But it just sounds like in the long run, this
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: stuff is going to keep flaring up and there's going
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: to have to be a moment of like, Okay, I
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: can't be around you guys anymore unless you get honest.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: It's tough. Our next question comes from Live. She says,
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: I need some tough love. I started secretly seeing my
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: company's chief technology officer last summer, and I work in
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: our HR department L O L. He currently lives in
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: Florida and I live right outside of n y C.
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: Our company is based in Manhattan, so he comes into
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: the office frequently for work and meetings. I've also gone
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: down to Florida to visit him. We go out to work,
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: happy hours and functions together. We sneak off on dates
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: just the two of us, and I stay at his
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: hotel or he stays at my place when he visits.
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: I know I'm in love with him, and we get
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: along so great, and I've brought up taking things to
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: the next level because I can see and would love
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: a future and a real relationship with him. I also
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: want to mention that I'm twenty five and he's forty two,
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: and he's never been married and has never had children.
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: The age difference isn't an issue for us. But I'm
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: having a hard time figuring out what he wants out
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: of this, and he's the master of giving me vague
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: answers when I ask. He's told me he likes me
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: a lot, and he's really an awesome guy. But am
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: I being a pushover and just letting him dictate the relationship?
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: Should I continue just casually seeing him whenever he's in
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: town for work. Should I give him an ultimatum? I'm
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: scared that if I push him too hard, he'll shut
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: down and end what we have going on, which isn't
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: what I want. Also, if we end up together, should
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: we tell a company? Some days I wish I was
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: strong enough to tell him to go kick rocks, and
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: other days I want him to put a ring on
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: my finger. What would you do in my situation? Live well, Nikki?
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: Would you like to go first? I would love thank you? Okay,
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: I know it's so scary because you're scared he's gonna
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: be like, well, if you give me an ultimatum, I'm
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: just gonna choose not being with you. No, he's not.
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: This guy is having sex with a twenty five year
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: old hot thing. He's probably so in love with you.
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: This guy's never been married before, not really had relationships.
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: He's scared a commitment. You're dealing with a guy who
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: has never had a woman like challenge him. You need
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: to say, this is what I want. It doesn't have
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: to be a ring. I want a real relationship with you.
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: And if I can't get that, I'm gonna go find
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: one by And you just do it. And I know
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: you're scared and you don't mean it, but and then
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: you wait and you do not talk to him. You
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: not reach out, you don't show up on his stories.
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: You make sure that you give him nothing. And it's
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: really good because you're long distance, so he's not gonna
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: be able to like show up and see you at work.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: You need to completely cold turkey, take yourself away from
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: him and see how it feels to him. He'll freak
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: out and he will be back in no time. Read
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: the book too. I do to help you with this,
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: but it's true. Like you need to give it and
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: give it eight weeks if he doesn't come back in
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: eight weeks. And you know that's impossible to do as
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: a year old who's in love with someone, but they
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: always come back. But this guy needs an ultimatum that
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: he needs it because he'll just Why would he ever
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: decide to settle down with you and make his life
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: more difficult when he's getting what he wants to fund you,
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: when he he's available to talk to you on the phone,
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: when you're available. Where is there any reason for him
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: to lock this down anymore? You're not seeing anyone else,
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: he's in your in love with him. You got to
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: get these guys a reason to lock it down because
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: they won't otherwise. M tough love. Yeah, I would say
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: I would definitely say to be have a very direct
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: conversation with him and don't let it linger. Like if
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: he's like, hey, like, this is how I feel I
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship, and it's totally fine
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: if you don't. But if you don't, like I need
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: you to be honest with me, because then I'm gonna
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: go find somebody else and stick to that and stick
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: to that plan as hard as it is. Your twenty
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: five years old. I've been in love like six times
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: since I was twenty five, So just I'm telling you
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: this might seem like your world right now, but it's
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: if it doesn't work out. It doesn't work out, and
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: then you're gonna be on to the next person, and
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: you're gonna be so grateful that you actually gave this
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: guy an ultimatum to open up your life to meeting
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: the next person and you didn't waste time waiting for him.
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: So many girls waste so much time just giving guys
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: because they think that if I wish someone would have
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: told me this earlier, when you have a boundary that
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: you're so scared to guy, I'll be like, well then
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: I don't want you, I swear to god. They really
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: don't ever respond that way. Guys like a girl who
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: gives them boundaries. And when you're just available for him
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: whenever you think that's the best way to keep him around,
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: that's the best way to keep him around on his terms,
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: which are not is not what you want. And I
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: know you're probably thinking, I'd rather have what we have
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: now than nothing. I don't think that's gonna be true.
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: Further on down the road, you were going to lose
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: so many years of your life waiting for this guy
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: when you can have your answer now. But also your
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: self respect, Like there's a lot of self respect and
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: saying this is what I need and if I don't
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: get it, I'm gonna move on, and not in an
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: angry way. It doesn't have to be threatening. It just
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: has to be like, hey, it's totally cool if you
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: don't want to be in a relationship, but just let
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: me know because I'm gonna move on and I'd rather
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: not speak for a while until I figure out something,
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: and I'll let you know, like if we can open
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: up communication again, make sure that you are firm and
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: that you're able to stick to your plan and don't
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: call him wasted, you know, take his number out of
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: your phone if you need to. But yeah, it's gonna
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: give you a lot of strength and self confidence and
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: then you respect yourself and then the next person who
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: comes along is going to respect you just as much
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: as you respect yourself. God, the problem is is so
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: hard to do this. I'm like thinking from my five
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: year old perspective of being like yeah, yeah, yeah, it's
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: not nice to hear that from you older ladies. But
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing like you just don't. You can't. It's
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: so hard to do this ship. But I swear to God,
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: I wish I could shake my twenty five year old
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: self and listen to this kind of advice, because it's
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: the only thing that works. I did it. I froze
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: out a guy once I forget what the circumstances were.
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: I said, I don't want to be with you unless
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: you want to be in a committed relationship, and he
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: came right back like it took two weeks, and I
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: was steadfast. I did not speak to him. He called me,
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: I didn't return his calls, and then eventually he's like,
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: I want to be in a relationship, and guess what.
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: I broke up with him like three months later, because
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: I've done this. I did this when I was in
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: my twenties too, and I was strong enough to do
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: it because I was dating guys that are girlfriends and
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: then eventually they'd be like, I'm gonna break up with her,
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: and they never would and I would just hang on,
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: and so I would go, I'm never speaking you again
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: until you you you leave her, call me when you
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: guys are broken up, not And both times I've done
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: this in my life. They chose that girl over me,
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: and thank fucking god they did. Thank god, Oh my god,
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad I'm not with those fools. It's so
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: it was the best gift ever. So sometimes it doesn't work.
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: It works the way it's supposed to every single time. Yeah,
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: And I also don't understand why people cheat on girlfriends.
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: It's like, just fucking break up with your girlfriend, Like,
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: why are you an affair on a girlfriend? It's so dumb,
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: and they may read those girls. It's so crazy. I
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: just go, how could you marry You don't cheat on
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: a girlfriend and then marry her? You how could They're
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: just it's just the worst. But thank god, thank god
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: they didn't choose me. Yeah, all right, we'll keep us updated.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: Let us know what happens if you give him an
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: ultimatum and what happens. And our last question comes from Christie.
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: Christie says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend and I have lived
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: in our rented house for the past four years, and
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: I just found out that our landlord will be selling
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: the house within the month. He's selling now to take
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: advantage of the real estate market at present, and while
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: I understand. I am heartbroken. We've truly made this our
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: home for the last four years, with so many amazing memories,
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: growing as a couple and loving and thriving in our
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: small town community. Unfortunately, we're not in a financial position
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: to buy right now, which has put us in a
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: difficult spot. We have an opportunity to move in with
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: a close friend and save for all the things we
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: want but haven't been able to save for previously paying
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: off debt, getting married, maybe even a down payment on
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: our own house. This whole situation has brought up longstanding
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: issues I have with comparison, unworthiness, and self esteem. I
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: feel like a failure when I compare myself to where
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: my friends or others are at in life, and I'm
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: beating myself up for being in this position. I also
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: love our home and our life here, and I'm terrified
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: at the prospect of moving even to this new temporary solution.
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: How can I wholeheartedly embrace this new unexpected chapter in
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: my life and drop the comparison to myself and others? Christie, Hi, Christie, Hi, Hi.
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: This is this is Nikki, our special guest for the day,
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: and Catherine, you too. Okay, So you're going through a
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: little bit of a difficult time in your frame of
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: mind right now. Yeah, you don't know what's coming. You
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: have to move out of your place, that's a fact.
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: So while you had all those great experiences and all
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: that wonderful time, like, that's a big gift you got
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: from living there, So you take that with you to
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: this next thing instead of being like, but I'm going
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: miss it, I'm gonna miss it. It It doesn't matter. It's
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: time to move on. So the sooner you accept reality
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: and stop resisting reality, Hey, you're gonna be happier. You're
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: just gonna understand like, Okay, this is moving forward. That
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: was the past and you want to be in the
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: present moment and be optimistic about the future. The comparing
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: and the contrasting, like we were just talking about that,
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: you know, we're talking. That's what we're doing. Yeah, And
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: if your friends that bring out the j LO and
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: them that bring out and just get them out of
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: your feed. But listen, that's not what it's about. Your
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: life is about your experience, your journey, for lack of
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: a better term, your trajectory. What's going to happen in
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: your life? And the more comfortable you are with the
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 1: circumstances that you didn't actually ask for or expect. The
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: more you embrace them, the happier you are going to become.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: Like your brain does a thing where it moves forward
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: or gets stuck in the past, and when you're stuck
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: in the past, it becomes a depressant, and when you're
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 1: only thinking about all the good things you had instead
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: of like, that was great, I'm going to take all
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 1: those experiences with me to this next place. You have
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: a huge opportunity to get everything you got out of
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: that last place, but own this place because of this
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: opportunity that's coming up right. Totally. Yeah, I think since
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: like the past two weeks when this news broke to
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: us and everything, like, I definitely went through the motions
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: of grief a lot, like grieving our place, grieving our
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: time here, kind of feeling angry at the situation. But
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: now I'm like, Okay, this is our reality, and what
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: I'm grappling with now is just like not comparing myself
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: to where other people are at and just kind of
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: like accepting where I'm at because I do play the
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: comparison game big time, and I'm trying to step away
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: from that and just like like you said, embraced, like
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing now, this is a great opportunity,
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: but it's it's so hard for me to not play
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: that comparison game. Basically, how old are you, Christie? I'm thirty,
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 1: So I mean there are plenty of people in their
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: late twenties, thirties, even forties who, especially because of the
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: last two years that we've all been through, are like
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: living at home with their parents, which is totally fine,
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: but like, I think this comparison a lot of it
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: is like a lie on social media that like everybody
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: is buying a house, everybody's having kids, everybody is getting
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: married and having a great time. Like we post our
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: high it's our highlight reels, you know, so you might
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: find that you have an even better time now that
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: you're moving in with this friend, that you and your
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: boyfriend both a doore and you're having a great time.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: So make a highlight reel to yeah, make a highlight reel.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: And also like exercise like not going online and looking
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 1: at that ship. Just just it's give yourself a period
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: of time, like you're not going to believe how much
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: happier you are if you're not scrolling through Instagram. Chelsea.
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: You're so right, but it's so hard to do that.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: I think when people say like, oh, just take take
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: a break from that stuff, my thought when I hear
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: that is well, I'm still gonna know it's there, I'm
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: still gonna think about it, and it's still gonna be there.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: Doesn't change. But I swear to God, when I started
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: muting people, I would get triggered by a girl's skin.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: I would get triggered by a girl announcing she got
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 1: a special on some kind of thing or whatever. I
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: started muting literally everything that would trigger me on just
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: and just accepting that I'm getting triggered by this dumb thing.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: And when it's not there, when you're not seeing it
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: on your feet, it doesn't exist. It really doesn't. You
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: think it's going to permeate your your mind even when
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: it's not there. I swear to God. There used to
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: be a girl that me and my friend used to
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: send each other stuff of hers, and like, how can
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: her skin look so good? How does her life look
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: so perfect? We used to torture each other about how
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: perfect she was, And one day I muted her, and
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: I swear to God I for I don't even know
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: she exists, and I used to be obsessed with her,
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: and it really muting does work. It's this thing that
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: you go, no, that can't work for me. I'll still
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: remember it. It takes time, but it works. And honestly,
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: I'm listening to your story about having a good boyfriend,
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: like a boyfriend you love, being in a place for
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: four years that you made look so cute and that
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: you love so much, and I'm getting jealous of you.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: But I'm finding things about you. Then. I see your
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: fucking luscious locks and your your the ability for you
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: to even call into a podcast and have the courage
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: to share a vulnerable story and then get on and
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: talk to some celebrity. Like all of this stuff is
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: stuff that your friends that you're comparing yourself to could
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: not do any of that. Honestly, Like, there are things
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: about you that I'm getting jealous of right now. So
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: that is to say, like, be grateful for the things
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: that you do have, and truly, I promise you. I
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: know it just sounds like just bullshit when people are
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: like that's just like their highlight reel. That's not really
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: their lives. It really is go through your own Instagram
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: feed and look at how much how much you are
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 1: lying on it, and you'll understand that because I try
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: to put things out there like so honestly, I've gone
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: through my feed before and been like jealous of myself
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: when I really go back and I go, wait, your
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: hair didn't look like that was just like you put
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: it all to the front. My skin looks so good
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: than that. You put a filter, like we're lying. So
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: look at really mute. Muting people is a eat and
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: just try it and see if it works, and I
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: bet it will. You're so right. Like even just the
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 1: other day, I was talking about my boyfriend. I was like,
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: maybe I'll just deact me my Instagram for a little
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: while and just chill and do this move and kind
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: of like get into the group of things and like
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: enjoy it. He was like, why not, like just live
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: your life, like do this next chapter. It's going to
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: be good. He's always like just five, like just relax
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: and guy, you're so lucky to have this guy. I'm
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: jealous honestly, And if you don't have to be on
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: Instagram for your work, get the funk off it for
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: just a break. That is awesome. That you even have
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: that ability to do that. Try it. That's so fun. Yeah,
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: I honestly, I know. I think you should, and we're
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: going to order you too. It's a mandate. You're gonna
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: have to do it because seriously, like the immediacy of
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: it starts to fade. The first twenty four hours might
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, you'll reach for your phone and then go,
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: oh wait, I'm not doing that, and then it might
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: happen five or six more times, and then after twenty
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: four hours you get into the groove of not checking,
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: and then you're going to realize how much there's a
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: lift that happens where you're not consumed. It's almost like
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: that people cease to exist just to activate your social
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: media or just don't go on, like take it off
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: your things so you can't activate it on your phone
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: or check just for like, try for five days, really
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: monitor how you feel, and after five days like I
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: like this, I'm gonna go another two weeks. And also,
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: when you get up in the morning, name five things,
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: make a list of five things that you're grateful for,
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: and just say it every single morning. I'm grateful for
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: this opportunity for us to save rent. You know, so
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: we could save up for possibly getting married our own place.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: Blah blah blah. You know, I'm grateful for my boyfriend.
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful for my hair that Nikki Glazer is jealous of.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: I am grateful for whatever. Bagels. I'm grateful for fucking bagels.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: Every morning I'm like, oh my god, I fucking love
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: fucking bagels. But but you know, you are a happy person.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: We can see that just by talking to you in
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: this short exchange. You're happy. Make the best out of yourself.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: Don't let anything drag you down to make the worst
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: of you. Make the best of you, and do that experiment.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: I guarantee you're gonna have major changes and I can't
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 1: wait to hear about them when you call in for
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: an update or right in for an update. Yes, and
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: change is good. I will write in for an update.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: I appreciate this so much, and I think it's really
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: it's very true. It's just, you know, I need to
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: drop the comparison game, and that's kind of the end
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: goal for me. Also, Chelsea, I just want to say
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: I saw you in Toronto recently and I forgot my
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: glasses and you were kind of just like a blur
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: on stage. So this is really nice. Everything I look
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: at it is also blurry, So don't worry about that.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in. Thank you so much, appreciate it. Okay,
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: good luck, bye bye. She'll be fine. Yeah, she's gonna
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: she she did say when I talked to her, She's like,
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: I am sort of just looking for that, like tough love,
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: a little you can do it, get to the next step.
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: And you know, change doesn't have to be a bad thing.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: It can be a good thing. It's always a good thing.
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: I think change is always a good thing. A piece
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: of advice my mom gave me when we moved, like
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: a beloved apartment, was before you pack everything up, take
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: pictures of your space, like just your space, because you
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: have a lot of pictures of yourself in this space,
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: but not of the space. And it's one of the
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: best things we did. You know. My friend that's so interested.
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: My friend just moved from her parents, moved out her
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: childhood and she went around and just filmed like the
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: sounds of the door handles, the sounds of the creaking,
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: like would And I was like, I wish I would
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: have done that so bad, every door handle, every door shutting,
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: and opening every window unlocking, and I was like, those
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: sounds are such a great thing to capture. So I
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: hope she hears this and does that for this space
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: because I know it meant a lot to her. But
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: and then the thing about change, I like the quote
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: for some reason. There's just some quotes that like per
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: me and like really get in of. It's gonna be
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: okay because it always has been okay. You look at
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: other points in your life where you've been like God,
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: and you go, well, I'm here now being it was okay.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: It's always gonna be okay because it always has been.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: And that that's a nice reminder. Well, we'll take a
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: quick break and be back to a wrap up with
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: Nookie and Chelsea. I think you just called her Nookie.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 1: I like that. I like it. I did it all
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: for it, and we're back fabulous now, Nikki, is there
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: some advice you wanted to get from Chelsea? Yes? I
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: would like to honestly hear. How the fuck do I
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: write a book? Oh? You just gotta start writing one, girl.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: You just gotta open your computer and start. That is
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: the biggest hurdle is just started and right and just
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 1: give yourself an hour day, thirty minutes. Whatever you can
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: handle initially, and then you get into it. You start
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: to get into it. Because I just did this the
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: other day, because I was like, my book agents were like, oh,
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: we need a book proposal. I'm like a book proposal.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: I fucking wade six New York Times number one sellers.
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: I'm like, just, yeah, well, I'm not doing that. But anyway,
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'll write the book and I'll sell it.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: So you just have to start writing. I just opened
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: my computer and I just literally wrote titled The Filipino
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: in Me a love Story Chelsea Handler. And I started
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 1: writing and I wrote two paragraphs and they're not going
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: to ever end up like those are the first two
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 1: paragraphs of my book. But once you just start, it flows,
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: it comes. It comes, But you have to give yourself
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: the avenue. You just have to open that document and
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: say and write a title and start and it will
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: come to you. You're a prolific performer, a comedian, a writer,
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 1: like your creator. The first hurdle is the biggest hurdle,
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: and then it all kind of works. It's it's just starting, yeah,
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: and it's you know what's so great about it? Nikki
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 1: You're gonna appreciate the cleverness and craftiness of that artistic
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: endeavor because it differs from stand up yet it feeds.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 1: They both feed each other. You know, my books always
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: turned into a stand up special and then turn into
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 1: like a TV show that I want to develop, or
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 1: and and the and a stand up tour. So like, yeah,
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: just you know that it all works in that kind
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: of creative circle and it all goes together, and then
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: you're gonna just you're gonna get into it. I know
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 1: you will. What about from your first book to your
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 1: book you're writing now, what would you have told yourself
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 1: when you started that first book that you maybe didn't
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: know that you've learned from writing so many just the
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 1: more authentic you are, you know, like there's so many
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 1: people that are going to relate to your stories. I mean,
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: my first book was about one night stands I just did.
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: It was called My Hearts on a Life of Collection.
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 1: When night stand and my last book, it was a
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: life would be the death of a complete evolution from
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 1: my twenty year old self to my forty year old self.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: And like self awareness, self discovery, self exploration, all those terms,
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: and I was so into learning about writing and about
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: sentence structure and about storytelling. That I was soaking it
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: all up, you know. I would write, and then I
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: my editor and I worked really closely together to edit,
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 1: like three hours every morning. Once I had everything down
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: on the page, and I couldn't get enough of it because,
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 1: like I understood what certain phrases were, what words were,
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 1: how you use a clause, like when do you use it?
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: Like an M dash versus an en dash? All those
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: little things. It's fun to learn the use of language.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: That's why I'm such a I love language like I
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: love words. If I don't know a word, I have
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 1: to look it up. I can't go. Yeah. So I
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: think anyone who has a real love of language, which
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: I think every comedian does, enjoys the process of writing
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: a book. Alright, alright, it sounds like you just do it.
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 1: You gotta just started started today, Open your good computer
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 1: and just start. I mean I have started. As the problem, like,
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 1: it's just hard for me. I'll write like a ton
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 1: and I'll send it to Like I have a woman
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 1: that I kind of hired to help me structure it
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 1: and and help me figure out what the theme is
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 1: and all this stuff it's just painful. I like stand
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: up because I just get on stage and start talking
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: and the jokes kind of come out, like I don't
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: ever sit down and write. And I think it's just
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 1: being okay with being uncomfortable. I'm just getting I've structured
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: in my life so I'm never uncomfortable anymore and I
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: just do what I want. And writing a book is
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 1: it's just as uncomfortable as starting stand up and I
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 1: just have to be open to it. Yeah. Well, I
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: would argue that if you're not uncomfortable, you're not growing
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: as much as you should be totally. You know, you
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 1: have to be uncomfortable. Yes, yes, okay, I'll get uncomfortable.
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 1: I'll do it. I mean that's kind of yeah. I
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: just want to just do it like there's no trip.
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: Just put on your Nikes and put on your Nike shirt.
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: It says, just do it and then act like you're
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 1: Serena Williams and write that fucking book. Alright, alright, it's
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: as simple as that. It's simple, simple, easy, breezy. Well,
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: this was just a delight, Nikki. This was awesome, so
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: much fun. Oh my god, I love you guys. Yeah,
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 1: this is great. Thank you, so much for your time today,
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having me. And you can
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: catch a Nikki show on E her reality shows on E.
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 1: She's also on tour. It's called One Night with Nicki Glazer.
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 1: You can get tickets at Nicki Glazer dot com or
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 1: probably ticket Master right Nikki yep yep. And then my
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: podcast I do every day Monday through Thursday. Okay, And
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: where can people find your podcasts? It's just anywhere you
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 1: get podcasts. It's called the Nicki Glazer Podcast and there's
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 1: tons of episodes, but it's one of those podcasts that
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 1: you can just jump in. You don't need to like
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: listen to back ones. I think a lot of people
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: don't listen to new podcasts because they're like, oh, how
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: am I gonna catch up? Just jump on and join us.
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: It's me and my roommate, just and my producer just
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: like hanging out and talking and sharing and being really
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 1: really super honest and it's funny and it's real and
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 1: I just love it. So is that your roommate in St. Louis, Yeah,
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: well he moved out. He's he's still in the same building,
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 1: but he got a girlfriend, so we moved out. So
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 1: now I live alone, but yeah, Andrew Colin, Oh, okay, cool,
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 1: alright cool. Thank you, Nikki, I'll see you soon. Thank
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 1: you Chelsea, thank you, Gather and bye guys soon bye. So,
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: if you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, email us
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com