Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Ep. #154 “Life at Sea Changed" Everything” w/Colleen Clifford

Transcript

Ep. #154 “Life at Sea Changed" Everything” w/Colleen Clifford · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Kicking In with Kiki.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Kicking it you Ki Ki, kicking the ki Ki for
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: a little personality, switching up the storyline on God we
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: making in story.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: And hooks one day at the time.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: Much problems to the side.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Enjoy yourself, free your mind, kickin it ki Ki.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Hello and welcome back to another episode of Kicking It
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: with Kiki, Life, love and all that other ship. I
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: am your host, Arthur Kiki Chanel. I'm also a certified
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: life coach and owner of nineteen Lifestyle magazine. I am
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: a static today because I have a beautiful guest who
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: who is about to share some amazing things with you. Listen,
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: there's yeah, I'll know how I like to do. I
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: like to give them an opportunity to tell you a
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: little bit about who they are. So Colleen, tell the
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: people who you are, what you do, and thank you
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: for coming to kick it with me today.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. I know that's the normal response,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: but I know how valuable time is, and I just
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: thank you for the Yes. I'm so happy to be
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: ecstatic as well to have met you and have this conversation.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: So we like to we like to describe who we
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: are by what we do in life, right, And I'm
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: trying to reframe that a little bit in that I
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: am a person who is older in life. I'm in
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: my sixties and I've kind of coming full circle at
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: this age of you know, figuring out life, and as
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: my life is coming to an end, I am a
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: person who is really reviewing my life choices and kind
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: of coming back to being a kid. Like I am
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: a person who was and am. I try to really
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: follow the golden rule of love your neighbor as yourself,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: and so I'm a loving person. Let's just say. Career wise,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: I'm a commercial fisherwoman and that's provided my income for years.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: And within my like metamorphous of who I am, I'm
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: also a health coach. I'm writing a book. Well I
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: wrote the book, but it's in the editing stage, so
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: it's not quite done to be shared yet, you know physically.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: But yes, so I'm just a person trying to share
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: a message in life. And I've kept a promise. I
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: made a promise to my late husband, who died by suicide,
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: that I would try to make a change friends with
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: his dad through my whole process, and so it kind
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: of got from light and fluffy to really heavy, really quick.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, that's that's why
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: I'm here with you today, is to share the message
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: and if it can help someone.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: Right as well. I thank you for being here. I
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: thank you for being transparent. We're talking today about choosing
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: to live differently. We're gonna start off a little icebreaker
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: just to get you because it got a little heavy,
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: and we're gonna go back there a little bit. If
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: your mindset was a superhero, what would it superpower be?
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: Wow, I've never considered that. Uh, I'd probably have to
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: go with like Spider Spider Woman. If there's one. Spider Man. Mmm,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I love that. I like to fly, I like to
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: help people. I don't really like spiders. I quite honestly
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: wouldn't know why. I don't really know why answered that,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: but I'd say Spider Woman if there's If there's not one,
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: there should be.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Absolutely we should always have a woman superhero in every
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: form in fashion, right exactly? If mine set shifts came
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: with the flavor, what flavor would yours be? Right now?
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Chocolate?
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: Chocolate?
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah? It can answer that one quickly.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: And why would it? Why would it be chocolate? Though us.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Like makes your senses happy, dreful, just you want more.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: I love it. I love it chocolate. Mine would be
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: red pepper flakes, like pepper really because it's kind of intense,
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: but it's like excitement going on right now, Like, yeah,
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: it would probably be some like red pepper flakes or
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: something for me in this moment.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: M beautiful.
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  Speaker 2: All right, So you are a commercial fisher woman. How
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: did that happen?
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  Speaker 1: I dropped out of college. I was a binge drinker,
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: drinking my way through school and it didn't get me
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: very far. And so my friend was fishing and she said, hey,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: you want to give it a try, like just go
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: to over here and apply, And so that's what I did.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: I was ready for something, something new. Yeah, And honestly,
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: it's a great career. So I like to throw this
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: out there to any listeners. You know. I mean, for
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: women our age, you're probably not going to go commercial fishing.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: But if you have kids or someone in your family
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: who's kind of looking for something, for some type of job,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: you don't have to necessarily live in the area. You can.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: It's a great it's a great career. It's been my
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: career for thirty six years. So I'm always willing to
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: kind of help lead someone in the right direction as
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: far as applying. That's how I got my job. That's
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: kind of how it works in the industry is you
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: know someone and then you get into the industry and
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: we have all all types on the boat of people.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: So it's very international and we're all there to work
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: and that's the team players.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: I love that because it's unusual, but I can see
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: why you love it. I can see why you would
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: love it because you know you're on the water and
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: everything is all good, and then it's time to get
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: up and get this fish. Like, is there a moment
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: that stands out to you about being a fisher woman
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: that has inspired your journey to this day.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, great question, Kiki. It's it's intense. The job is intense,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: and the reward is you know, there's a lot of rewards.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: It's hard to push through it when you're doing it,
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: like sometimes living, it is really hard. When you're done,
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: you can take a huge deep breath. You got money
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: in the bank and you have time off, like I
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: am off until May wo. So it's seasonal work. You
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: are taking away from society because you're floating around on
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: a boat for days while you're under contract, but it
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: allows you space and time to fill up your bank
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: account and maybe plan a trip you've always wanted to do.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Or you know, some people have families, they're supporting their families.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: You know, someone's at home kind of taking care of
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: home base, and someone's on the boat sending home the money.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: So there's just a yeah, just it's working hard and
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: then getting the rewards.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, I love that. I love that. Would definitely
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: I need to pass that around to Like, I've kind
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: a couple of people that I can think that will
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: probably benefit from that because they don't really deal well
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: with light with society, so being out on the water
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: may be something that they need exactly.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: And we used to call it the floating rehab. And
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: I'm not insinuating the folks you're talking about are trying
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: to get away from substance abuse or anything, right, I'm
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: just saying that that was one of the reasons I
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: loved it was to to dry out for me, but
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: also just to I wasn't a desk. I didn't want
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: to sit at a desk. I like to move. Yeah,
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: it was perfect for me, and so a lot of
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: people don't realize it's out there and they don't even
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: know where to go to begin, and there are places
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: you don't want to go. So you know, I'm I'm
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: very I like to be helpful. Someone helped me get started,
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: and that's kind of how it works. You just you
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: do have to show up and hopefully, uh do the job,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: because some people do show up and they can't handle
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: it and so they might quit or whatever. But but
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: it's uh, yeah, it's available, and I'm I'm here to
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: help steer someone if if you want, I can give
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: you some information of who to contact. Yeah.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I love that and thank you for that. So
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: we're talking about choosing to live differently.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: When in your life did you make the decision to
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: live differently?
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: So I have I'm a binge drinker what they call
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: binge drinker, and that's someone who drinks four or more
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: drinks in an incident, or for a female fiber or
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: more for male. And the thing with the binge drinking
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: is you don't you know, you're not always drinking, so
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: you don't consider yourself. I didn't consider myself alcoholic because
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: I didn't drink all the time any when I did drink.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: I always didn't. I didn't always drink too much, right,
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: But the thing with binge drinking is that we call
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: it partying. Right, you're get to party, so you know,
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: anyone who parties knows what I'm talking about. There's times
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: when maybe you partied and you overdid it and then
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: you did something you regret, and a lot of times
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: for me, you know, on those instances, I would wake
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: up the next day and say, Okay, I got to
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: stop drinking, like that was crazy, right, But then you're not.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: But then I'm not drinking the next day or the
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: next week or the next month, and I'm like, I
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: don't have a problem. That was just that one time.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: It wasn't that bad. I won't do it again. But
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: the last time I drank unexpectedly binge drink, I drove
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: home drunk and something I'm not proud of for sure.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: And there's a whole explanation of why I did that.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Like some you know people would say, well that's stupid,
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: why did you do that? And the whole thing would
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: drinking as you make decisions irrationally, so but I did
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: on the drive home, I was aware enough to realize
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: how drunk I was, And then I realized I set
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: a prayer that if I got home safely without killing anyone,
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: and I should have stopped right there and gone off
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: the side of the road, but I was intent, intended
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: on getting home, that I would quit drinking. And the
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: next day I woke up super hungover and ashamed of myself,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: and I started the process of figuring out how to
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: quit drinking.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: Wow, yeah, you're welcome. Yeah yeah, Now, I know you've
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: lived through some incredibly challenging experiences, you know, from being
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: a fisher woman to losing your husband. How did those
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: experiences shape your perspective on resilience and.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Hope the when you're when you're living it and when
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: you're going through it, it can be hard to see
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: the hope, or it can be it can't feel hopeless.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: But if you just you know, you just once you
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: move through it and hopefully people a person can And
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: I was fortunate to be able to move through the
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: periods of my life that felt hopeless. That time I
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: realized how strong I am.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: I realized, uh, that I've gone through these things for
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: a reason. It's part of my life journey of becoming
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: who I am. Today, and now my question is how
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: can I take these experiences and the resilience and the
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: hope and the what I did to move through those
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: hopeless moments to maybe help society. And that's where I'm
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: at now.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: I love that because some people stay stuck in it
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: and never come from it. So I'm glad that you
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: are pouring back into yourself in a positive way instead of,
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: you know, having that victim mentality sor to speak, and
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: not wanting to change because I've been there. You know,
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: I've been there where I didn't love myself, so I
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: allow other people to love on me the wrong way.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: And I didn't have a drinking problem. It was a
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: You're not good enough. It was a mindset thing. And
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: so the more I would tear myself down with self
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: negative self talk, I would find myself in the company
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: of people that didn't mean me any good. And it
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: wasn't until I decided that I want better for myself.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: I deserve better for myself that I started to let
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: those people all off the way that they were supposed
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: to because they never should have been there in the
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: first place. I think that it was just a learning
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: experience that I needed to go through as a part
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: of who I am right now, because had I not
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: gone through those dark moments, I don't think that I
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: would be the person that you see right now.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm yeah.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: Kudos to you to realizing you're worth it right right
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: and then now you're here to help and empower other women.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: Absolutely Now, how did your personal journey of bench drinking
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: influence the way you approached growth and choosing to live differently?
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: I think my beinge drinking is something I denied for
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: a long time, Like my whole drinking experience. Honestly, I
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: didn't equate myself in having a problem. It was just like, oh,
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I partied too much that night, right, I never so
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: the beinge drinking was always just kind of not really
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: a problem for me. Growth was happening, but then i'd
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: have a little setback because I would binge drink, and
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: then i'd go through the shame because when you binge
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: drink and you do something you're not proud of that's
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: kind of out of your character or out of your
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: value set you. I would internalize that as you know,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: you're a bad person, like how could you you know?
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: Why'd you do that? Blah blah, blah, those negative self
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: talk you start doing, which kind of sets set me
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: back on my growth journey. But like, if you have
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: two buckets, maybe one bucket gets a little empty, So
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: then I'd fill it up with doing deeds of good
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: like being you know, kind to volunteering and things like
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: that to help fill up my bucket of I am
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: a good person. Even though I did that over here,
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: that's not who I am. So my whole life's been
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: my drinking. Adult life has been kind of trying to
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: balance those things, and it's you know, so for me,
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: now it's beautiful not to have the drinking because now
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: I can just focus on the growth, knowing that I'm
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: not going to have to step back with my drinking absolutely.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: What advice would you give someone who feels trapped in
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: old patterns and cycles knowing that change is possible.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I like to try to frame it this way.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: And I do this for myself too. I asked the question,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: what's one thing I could take away from my life
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: that will improve it? Kind of like starting in baby steps,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: right like, instead of for me, instead of looking at
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: the whole picture, like oh my god, I have to
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: do this, this, this, and then we'll get overwhelmeding like
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: so then you'd have paralysis because you just like got
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: you don't really know where to start. If it's done
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: with maybe one thing, what's one thing you can take away?
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: And you know, usually if we have our list of
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: things that we want to improve or you know, we
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: know what's at the top of the list. Right, we're
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: smart women, right, what's the number one thing we need
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: to stop doing? And then on the counter thing is
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: okay with that, what's one thing we could add? And
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: that's going to be different for everyone.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, I like that. I'm going to use that because
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: I can feel something bruin that I need to let
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: go of. It's there. I just have to figure out.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: It may be multiple things. I don't know, but something
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: is there that I need to let go, take away
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: and then add to. That's awesome.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: Y'all listen. I hope y'all listen to that. If not
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: rewinding and listen again.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: I love yeah. And for those people who are ready
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: to take on more than of course, you know, make
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: your lists. I'm getting rid of this and this and
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: this and this, but you know, just to not be
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: overwhelming is the point of just what's one thing right?
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: Right? Right? You want to start where it is practical.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: You don't want to give yourself a reason to set
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: yourself up to not re whatever goal it is that
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: you're setting for yourself, because we do that all the time.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: We have a list, we get mad because we only
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: do two things off the list, not realizing that those
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: two things matter.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Yeah.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: I think it's all about giving ourself grace and self
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: compassion because we don't do that enough. I find I
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: was one of those people that never celebrated the small
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: things because I was always trying to get to the
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: bigger things. But the small things matter. They're like the
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: stepping stones for the big moments, right.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And we all have to start somewhere, right, We
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: don't start at the top. Well, maybe some people do,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: they're gifted, but most of us have to practice to
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: get there.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: Yep. And it starts with baby steps, yep, baby steps.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: So let's talk about the upcoming book, Life Beyond the Bench.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: I love that name.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Oh things.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, how did you come up with a knight?
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Yeahs? This is my first time trying writing a book,
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: and so it's been you know, when I quit drinking
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I've always okay, let me back, like all these socks
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: in my head and where do we start? Okay? So
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: I like to write, and I know you do too,
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: and so I've always been kind of writing my like
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: in in secret, right, I've got my journal. I've never
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: like really shared my writing. And so a book's been
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: a dream of mine. And so I started writing on substack.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: Are you familiar with substack? Okay? So I started writing
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: on substack, and I started working with this guy who's successful,
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: a successful writer on substack. And so he's the one
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: that kind of I joined his writing program and in
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: our group, we had to come up with a theme,
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: and so he's the one to kind of really help
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: me unearth this book, like what am I writing about?
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: What's my passion in life? What's my message? What's what's
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: it about? And so that's that's how it came about.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: Nice. So when when when I'm not trying to tell
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: you to rush it or whatever, but when can listeners
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: expect to buy and support you, Like, when are you
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: doing your release? When? When is that release coming? Yeah?
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Thank you? It's May fifth, Nice? Yeah, yeah, and it's
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: actually being published, she rises publishing, which is kind of
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: like a boutique publisher to empower women. If anyone's interested
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: in writing a book or or writing a chapter in
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: an anthology, Google She riises publishing, and it's a great
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: place to start for you know, because it is a
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: challenge to get published by you know, yeah, renowned publisher.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: A lot of people are self publishing or publishing through
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: bouti Publishing, and so it's been a great way for
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: me to gain confidence in my writing and then getting
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: some feedback on it and just saying, hey, maybe I
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: do have some talent here that people might want to read.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: And so it's been inspiring and just yeah. So I
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: would highly recommend if anyone if that's like, oh I
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: want to write, Yeah, check it out.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, check out check it out, she writes publishing. I
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: think we all have a story to tell. You just
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: have to dig deep and sit down and focus enough
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: to do it. So I'm excited about your book. I
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: would definitely be getting a copy, so I cannot wait
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: till May fifth. What is the overall message that you
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: want readers to take from your book?
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: Thank you? I love your questions, can you Yeah, the
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: book is about finding your north star. I have a
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: kind of nautical theme around it, because fishing and the
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: ocean and water has been my huge thing. So the
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: north Star, for maybe those people who don't know's it's
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: mariners used to use it to navigate in the old days.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: And so the whole theme is me coming home to
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: my north Star of like who I am, like a
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: journey home within my soul. And so the book is
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: uh self. It's reflective for the reader. I don't want
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: it to be about me because that gets boring unless you're,
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: you know, someone famous. So the whole time I'm I'm
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: sharing some snippets of my life at sea, my drinking journey,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: my late husband's suicide, mental health and alcohol, and then
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: the whole time it's it's just kind of reflective for
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: the reader, like you know, some takeaways like how's it
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: going for you? And I'm not preaching to anyone they
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: have to quit drinking. I just keep asking how's it
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: working for you? And and if you decided, is is great?
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I mean there's no judgment. It's just kind of like,
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: here's some things different about right.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: And I love books that way. That way you formulate
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: your own opinion and decision and not have to have
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: somebody to blame, because we all find somebody to blame
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: at some point in time in life. But I love that.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: I love that you are sharing your experience but with
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: a different perspective. Yeah. Thanks So for listeners struggling with grief, addiction,
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: or loss, what's one mindset shift that can make a
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: tangible difference in choosing to live differently?
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Well, as we're all unique, I can only speak of
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: my mindset shift that helped me. And I know you
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: shared that you your mindset shift and was that you
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: are enough mm hmm and you deserve that with who
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: you surround yourself with, right, I'm is that I don't
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: want to like, yeah, that's y's okay. So for me,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: like I, I had a lot of shame which I
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: go into in my book through my through some through
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: incident that happened to me that I buried and so
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: and it came out and how I was the choices
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: I was making. And so for me, my mindset shift
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: was when I drove when I woke up the next day,
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: I don't even know if I slept, but after that
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: drive home drunk, I had like this mindset shift that
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: this isn't who I want to be like, I don't
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: want to show up in the world like this. And
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: so so for me, I already knew that I tried
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: over the years to uh to not have these moments
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: with drinking, but they kept still apar throughout my life,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: like sprinkled in not all the time. That's why I
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: kept drinking. But I decided at that moment that the
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: only way I could guarantee I wasn't going to do
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: this something like this again was to quit drinking altogether.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: And so it's it was a beautiful shift for me too,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: because it's not like I have to quit drinking. I'm
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: just choosing it. It's not helping me in life, it's
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: not who it's. Alcohol does not help me become the
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: best version of me. So I could drink if I want, right,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: I mean, I could put some buck in my drink
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: right here, but I'm just saying I don't need it anymore. So, right,
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: And maybe for your listeners, I didn't really answer your question.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: But maybe you know, dig deep in whatever it is
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: that's haunting you. You know, you know you're living a
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: way you don't want to live, that's not authentic to
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: who you really are. Maybe try to ask yourself the
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: question what who do I want to be? And what's
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: the first thing I can do to take away from
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: my life to be that person? And what can I add?
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: And if it means asking for help, you know I
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: was horrible. I didn't ask for help until until that day.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: I was too proud. And that's one thing I don't
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: have a lot of regrets. But my life could have
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: been a lot easier if I'd ask for help sooner.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, absolutely, It starts with the choice, right mm
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: hmm yeah, all right. So for anyone who is listening
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: that's struggling to stay positive during their trust, their tough moments,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: what is something that you can remember you doing when
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: it got tough? Because I know it probably did at
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: once upon a time, got really really tough for you,
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: because I know for me it did. My go to
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: was a journaled. I wrote my feelings out to just
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: get them out and release. That works, wonders. If you
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: don't write our journal, I suggest that you start somewhere.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Just write what you feel right about what you see
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: every other the day, write about how you felt when
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: you woke up, right about your favorite color. Just get
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: it out, and that way, when you go back to it,
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: and you don't have to read it. You can take
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: it and throw it away, burn it up, or whatever
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: you want to do. It's the point is to release
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: it so that you don't feel heavy. So what is
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: something that you did during the tough times that got
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: you through it?
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: M M generally definitely is helpful lifesaver. Actually, when I
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: was really depressed after my husband died and I went
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: into my depression, I stayed busy. And I know that
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: can be hard because sometimes you just can't get out
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: of bed. But I had a job that made me
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: get out of bed. I couldn't call in sick, and
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: so I think I just got lucky because if I
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: could have called in sick, I would have, but I
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: had to show up for work if I wanted to
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: keep my job, which I needed to keep my job,
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: And so just working through like it just kind of
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: seems like you put one step in front of each
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: other and at some point you get through it. No,
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: this isn't really helpful probably to your listeners, but I
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: would maybe find is there someone you can rely on
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: to call, like find a find that person you trust
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: or that that group. And because journaling is helpful for sure,
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: but it's still keeping you alone. So the connection isn't important.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: It was an important thing for me because when I
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: was alone, it's it's easier to feel well. You know.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: It sounds like you know what I'm talking about, right, yeah? Yeah.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: So in the asking help bit where I mentioned you know,
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: to ask for help, it's finding your wherever you can
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: find your help for yourself, you could do say hey,
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: can you check on me? Or can you you know,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: ask for what it is you need.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: Right And I think that when we go through certain
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: things in life, when you begin to heal, or you
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: decide that you don't want to be dark in the
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: dark place anymore, that pride is put to the side.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: So you do have those people that are dropped into
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: your spirit that you say, hey, I need help, Hey
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: I need a listening hear Hey I just need you
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: to come hang out with me and say and do nothing.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: I just need your presence. I thank God that I
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: have a strong support system that I didn't think I
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: had until I went to that dark place and realized that.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: You know what, my people love me. They still call
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: to check in whether I answer the phone and let
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: them know the truth that was on me. But they
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: did call. They did, you know, offer words of prayer.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: Because I had a friend of mine who said that
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: she was led to go to the altar for about
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: six months and she didn't know why because her life was,
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: you know, was good. And when I finally told her
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: what I was going through, she said, I was intervening
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: for you.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, that's amazing.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: So, whether we see them or not, someone is always watching,
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: whether they're close to you or not. What it could
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: be a stranger. Sometimes strangers can pour into you in
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: ways that you can never fathom. I have strangers pouring
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: to me every day because I work in customer service
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: and I talk to people all day. I love what
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: I do, and it's amazing how people can feel your
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: spirit through the phone and recognize you as a being
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: a good, genuine person through the phone, just by how
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: you associate with them. So I would offer anyone who's
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: listening that feels like they're alone, they're not good enough.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: You know, their struggle is as bigger than anybody else's.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: You're not alone someone You have at least one person
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: who is there, who has always been there, and you
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: may have pushed them away, but they're still there. I
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: guarantee it, reach out to them and get it.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Can I give another pluguer? Are you familiar with the
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: nine eight eight hotline, the crisis call line? Okay, it's
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: another option maybe for people. It doesn't necessarily have to be.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: It's not necessarily a suicide hotline. It is for suicide,
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: but it can also be crisis too, So you can
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: offer if you don't have someone, or you call someone
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: and they don't answer. You know, you're one person and
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: it's it's really a pivotal, critical moment. You can call
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: ninety eight eight two M.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. I would also put that in the show notes
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: so you can have that. Uh, it may not be
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: for you. You may want to pass it along to
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: someone else. We all need someone to help and look
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: out for us. We were not put here to exist
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: in this life alone, so you don't have to go
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: through it alone. Want to put that out there, you
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: guys have been listening to another episode of Kicking In
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: with Kiki, Life, Love and all that other shit. I
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: have been john with an amazing guest. She is sharing
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: some of her journey. We're not sharing everything because you
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: got to read the book. She shares more stuff in
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: her upcoming book that will be released on May fifth.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: Make sure that you go and support her and buy
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: the book. Hopefully you will gain some insights, some revelation.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: Pass it alone to someone who may need something that
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: they don't want to get from you, because sometimes we
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: have to get stuff from strangers because we are too
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: ashamed to share things with people who know us from
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: everything that we've gone through before we get off. Is
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: there any words of encouragement or empowerment that you would
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: like to leave our listeners with today about choosing to
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: live differently?
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: It's our life, right. Women are strong? You are strong,
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: I am strong, Your listeners are strong. And once you
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: know we believe it ourselves, we're like unstoppable. And so
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: whatever you can do to start believing in your strengths
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: and your beauty inside and outside, you know, write your
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: list of how wonderful you are. Not in an arrogant way,
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: but just like you know, so many badass women out
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: there right that aren't claiming it, So let's claim it ladies.
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: Right, not to exclude you men because y'all could be bad,
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: but we talk about what we know how to be
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: and that's a woman, right.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry, yeah, to you men out there sorry not fo.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it has been amazing having you here. Thank
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: you for coming to kick it with me. It has
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: been a pleasure. Yeah, I would definitely be reaching out
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: to you in the future about this book because I
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: cannot write to read it. The name alone is very catchy,
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: and just meeting you in person, not physically, but over
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: like how we're meeting it hasn't been amazing because when
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: we correspond with each other, he's like, I'm back home,
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: and I could I could feel the excitement through the
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: words that you were typing. So it has been awesome
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: to put a face to the words and the name.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: So I wish you nothing but continue success, my friend.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: I'm excited to see where you go. I would have
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: never guessed that you were sixty you know though, I
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: would have never given you that, like for real, like honestly,
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: so I was like, wait a minute.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: What, Yeah, yeah, if I was drinking, I'd say, hey,
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: let's go get a drink. We need to have more
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: talk to do.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: Right, Absolutely, But again, thank you for tuning in to
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: another episode of Kicking In Withkiki. I am back on
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: Thursdays at noon on all your streaming podcast platforms. You
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: can also catch this on YouTube and watch the person
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: behind the voice. I would love your feedback. Make sure
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: that you are sending your questions, topics, or anything to
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: Kicking and Wikiki Media at gmail dot com. So until
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: next time, purple hus Later ye
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: Check in with