Latest / Learned the Hard Way with Kier Gaines / EP 18: Money Won't Make You Feel Safe ft Tiffany Aliche (The Budgetnista)

Transcript

EP 18: Money Won't Make You Feel Safe ft Tiffany Aliche (The Budgetnista) · Learned the Hard Way with Kier Gaines

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Learn the hard Way. My name is Kire Gains.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: We talk about purpose, we talk about pressure, and we
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: talk about what it actually takes become a full comprehensive man.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: It was up, y'all. Welcome back to another episode of
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Learning the hard Way. I can see my guest at
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: the corner of my eye. Nod and stop distracting me.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: I'm working to another episode of Learning the hard Way.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: My name is Kiir Gaines. I am a husband, I
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: am a father, I'm a licensed therapist, and I am
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: a man that has a funny ass relationship with money.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's horrible. But
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: that's the reason that I invited the guests that I
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: have on today. Now a lot of men know what
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about. You know, financial security is more than
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: how much money is in your pocket. Sometimes financial security
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: can dictate how much confidence you have, how much time
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: you take to be self aware or not. It controls
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: a lot of resources you have, what in the world
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: you're able to not only obtain, but maintain and retain.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: It dictates how people look at you, how you dress,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: what style of what kind of car you drive, what
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: the quality of your living conditions are, but financial stability
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: goes a step further than that. It can also dictate
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: what type of partner you think you can deserve, you
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: think you deserve. It could dictate, ah, my goodness, the
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: level of education you have. It could dictate your health,
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: It could dictate the span of your life. So I
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: wanted to really drill into that. I know a lot
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: of times I talk to y'all about myself and financial scarcity.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I'm very open and honest about that. How good I
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: feel sometimes directly directly correlated with how much money is
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: in my bank account. When I open up that bank
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: account and it looks good, I feel good. When I
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: open that bank account and it's there's some coins missing
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: out of that joint, and you know, you start scrolling
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: to see the transactions, like, man, hopefully somebody stole my
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: card and just been running it up, And nah, it
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: was you the whole time. You did all of it.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: I don't feel so good. And especially being a man
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: in my responsibility being my family and taking care of them,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: and being the sole financial earner in my household, there's
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: a pressure with that. We talk about the prestige, but
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: there's also a pressure that comes with that that I
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: really want to talk about. But I can't just go
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: through that myself. I have the knowledge of the mental
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: health and the whatnot, but the financial piece I need
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: to bring in the expert. So today I'm bringing in
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: my homie. And I don't know if I ever told
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: her this, but I consider her a mentor. Tiffany Elite.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Let's get into the episode. So a lot of y'all
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: may know Tiffany as the budgetnista. She is a financial expert.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: She is a big homie of mine. She'll call me
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: sometimes and be like, hey, care, I got an idea.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I'd just be like, what's up, and me and her
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: could talk for two three four hours about growth and ideas.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: She has never once been even the slightest bit hesitant
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: about sharing growth possibilities with me, because I don't. I
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: think whenever people share how they're successful, it's a scam
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: because if you find a way to make a billion dollars,
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: you ain't telling other people how to make a billion dollars.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: But it always comes from the heart. She's always been
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: supportive and she's a light in this world. Tiffany, can
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: you please, can you please introduce yourself to the people.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Hey here, we'll just tell you I'm so proud of you.
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: This is awesome and amazing to see how much you've grown.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: So Yes, I am Tiffany Elice, much better known as
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: the Budgetnista. I like to call myself America's favorite financial educator.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Just go America Secrets like that, You're educator.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: I'm near Time's bestseller of Get Go with Money.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Eight weeks on the list, Let's Go.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: I have a law called the Budgetista in New Jersey
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: making financial education mandatory for middle school students. Have a
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: I used to have a podcast, Brown Ambition, but Netflix Special,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: PBS Special. I've helped over two million, mostly women, but
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: to ment to getting stay on financial track over the
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: last seventeen years. It's been an amazing ride to do
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: this thing called the bunchetista in business and to do
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: good work, to help good people and make good money.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: The last part I like how you're not shy about
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: make good money. Yes, because it is important. It's not
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: the most important thing in the world. But all of
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: our ambitis and our efforts really culminate into making money.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: The school we go to, the education we have, how
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: we move about our job is into making a living
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: for ourselves. Yes, and I love the fact that you're
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: not shy about that.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: No, because money is like the lifeblood of so much
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: of what we do. But yes, we know that that
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: money is not everything, but it is so many things.
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: You know that it is.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: What do they say, I'd rather cry in a I
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: don't know, in a rose voice in the Honda one
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: thousand percent. And so it's like, Yo, money doesn't buy happiness,
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: but neither does brokeness, you know what I mean.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: And so I think that money, up to.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: A certain extent, studies have shown it used to be
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: seventy eighty thousand. It's more now that once you reach
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: that amount of money earned, you actually don't get happier
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: the more money you make.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've heard about that. I heard about that they've
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: actually started helping people scale what a billion dollars it is,
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: because now we talk about billionaires a lot in our
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: current society, but the average person can't really conceptualize what
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: a billion dollars is. I think a million seconds is
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: what twelve days, and a billion seconds is thirty two years.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: It's crazy. It's an incredible scope of money. And then
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: people out here with several of those as the automation
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: one time, for give me an idea of how much
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: a billion dollars is If I made one hundred thousand
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: dollars a year from the time I was seventeen to
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: the time I was sixty, and so did my parent,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: and so did their parent, and so did their parent,
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: without us spending a single dime on anything, no tax,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: no nothing. If all these people made one hundred thousand
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: dollars a year between seventeen and sixty, how long would
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: it take for us to hit a billion tiffany? It
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: was so many generations that we predated the Bible.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: That's crazy, and yet it's not enough for some people.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: And yet it's not enough for some people. Now for me,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: I feel like if I make the amount of money
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I meane last year for the rest of my life,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: I'd be happy. But you know what my man Christopher
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Wallace said, more money, more problems, money, more problems. And
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: when you don't have no money, you like, hey, I'll
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: take those problems. But what you forget is when you
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: get there, they are still problems.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Well that's because it's like wherever you are there you go.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Money is a magnifier, right, what you mean so it
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: just makes you more of what you are. So if
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: you are someone who's generous for got money, you're even
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: more genius when you have money. If you're someone who
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: is a little reckless when you had little, you're even
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: more reckless when you have money. If you're someone who
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: was kind of tight when you had it, typically you're
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: even tighter. So it just magnifies who you already are,
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: doesn't make you you know, so you get to really
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: see when people have money. Oh, you've been about this.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Your money just allows you to do it more.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Nah. That makes sense because it's a similar saying about
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: money habits. If you're bad with money making one hundred
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: dollars a day, you'll be bad with money making one
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: hundred dollars a second. Yeah you blow. Do you find
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: that to be true? Is that a real thing?
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: Well, honestly I find that the people when I used
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: to do one on ones, what struck me as I
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: was the people who made less actually were better with
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: the money and the people who made more because people
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: who made less actually felt like they made less than
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: they actually did, and people who made more felt like
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: they made more than here.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: I like that.
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm like this don't guards star as you think.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Bruh, Nah, that makes sense because a soda costs the
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: same matter how much money you made, or you got
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: a couple thou woyles in the bank, Yeah, you like
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: it's nothing, Yeah, thousand longs for this bottle. But once yeah,
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: had a couple of times, you start.
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: To run out.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like or people who I think it was John
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Legend he was finding first class somewhere and someone said,
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: you don't have a private plane.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: He's like, do you do?
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: You know how much forget about owning a private plane?
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: You could pay six, like six figures on just one flight.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: So how much if I'm flying seventy times in the year,
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: is it worth you know?
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: Is it worth millions.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: Of dollars to fly when I could just fly you know,
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: like you know, first class business and be comfortable. And
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: so I think people don't have the concept of what
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: of what how much money really that it takes or
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: how much money really is. And so especially people who've
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: never had any money, you know, it's so easy to
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: go through it or so easy to hoard it when
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: you're afraid. I was talking to some of my homeboys
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: earlier today. He said, are you finding that as you
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: are around people with more money that they're actually more
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: scared than the people without. I say, yeah, because the
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: fall is far, the fall is much further.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, falling off the second step is different than falling
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: off the top. Okay, you break your back and some
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: money back. You know, you're like, I can't go back,
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: and it's a fear. I've talked about it on the
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: podcast so many times. I've even said I don't I
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: don't know. Sometimes I used to feel like I'd rather
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: not be alive, to be as broke as I was,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: which is not true, Like, as long as I'm here,
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I have the opportunity to still live a happy life
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: without money. But it's man. When I lived in that
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: apartment and we had mice chewing the rubber part between
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: the door refrigerator and a body refrigerator, and they were
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: in our refrigerator eating our food. We had roaches dripping
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: off the door when we would open the front door,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: and we had pipes busting our apartment that we all
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: our furniture and they got moldy had molder our apartment
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: for months. Like those were experiences that I feel shaped
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: me so negatively that it developed a fear based system
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: in my mom.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: You know what I call that fear? What's that post
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: traumatic broke syndrome.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: It's side yeah, that.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: And they're just like, you know, loud noises make them
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: because it reminds them of like what they experienced during war.
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: And so there's trauma in poverty.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I've seen people who I remember I had
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: a homeboy who's making six figures his master's and I
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: remember he was like, yo, you can sit down and
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: do some one on ones. I'm trying to get my
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: money together. I said sure. He's like, I'm just trying
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: to break this poverty, Like I just got to break
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: out of this poverty. And I was like, when I look,
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: I said, so this is what you make? He said, yeah,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I'm like, what poverty? You making six figures? Almost multiple six?
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Now you don't understand.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: He was still stuck.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: In the dirty mattress in the back. Both of his
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: parents were on drugs, so sometime they would come to
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: the house. Still grandma was raising all the babies, and
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: so I remember he told me one time he and
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: his girl they just had their baby. Baby had this
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: beautiful gold necklace. So you know, you trying to stunt.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: So baby Grandma, his mother comes to see the baby.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: They were wondering why she was so agitated. She didn't
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: leave out baby neckletce go on joint.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: That joint crazy word.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: So of course that trauma is crazy. So of course
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: he's like, yo, I gotta break out of this poverty.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: I'm like, but you make six figures. The poverty is
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: in the mind, not in the wallet.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: And it took forever for me to learn that. And
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: that's you know, it's funny you call it pros what
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: pro traumatic broke syndrome, because that's what trauma does. Trauma
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: freezes your mind in time, so you will grow around it,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: but you won't necessarily grow through it. There's a part
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: of you that's still stuck there. I remember when I
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: bought my first house. It was a townhouse in Okay neighborhoods.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: First house me and the ain't me bought together. And
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: my cousin pulled up on me just to check out
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: the house and were standing, were sitting in the garage,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: and I remember a car drove by and I was
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: looking in the car, and all the cars drove by.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: I was looking in the cars. My cousin said, hey, bruh,
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: you don't got to do that no more. But my
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: brain was stuck in a time where you do look
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: in all the cars when they drive by because you're
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: trying to make sure nobody about to start shooting at you.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: And I think with finances, it isn't any different. And
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: it's tough for me to talk to men about that
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: because I don't know, and maybe you see things differently.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: Let me know if you do. But when I talk
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: to men, I find that so much of our identity
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: is tied up, and I find it it's not just
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: what we have, but what we're capable of making. Do
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: you see that to be true? And all the work
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: that you be doing out on the wild.
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: So I'll say so.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: One of my friends he was going through a hard
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: time and his finances are great. He's a real estate
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: investor doing great, but you know, there's ups and downs.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: And I was like, you okay, you know He's like, man,
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: it's fine because I already know as a man, my
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: job is to fix it.
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: Or funded that broke my heart.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: It's not a lie, I said, Damn.
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: He was like, I'm out here by myself.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: I said, you're now he said, I kind of am
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: because who gonna do it? Yeah, I gotta take care
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: of my kids, I gotta take my partner, I gotta
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: fix it or funded ti fy.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: That's it. No one wants to hear anything else.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: And it really broke my heart that, like, you know,
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: because women, honestly, that's not the space. We get to
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: live in a more communal space when it comes to money,
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: living all the things.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: Like you know, the joke is, oh, you're going to
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: grow old alone.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: Every woman is like who I have my sisters, my father,
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: my mother, my neighbor across the street. Yeah, like you know,
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: like LE tell you, Like I go for my walks,
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: I walk up to my sister's house. I can hit
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: five different people's homes than a fifteen minute walk from
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: my house. For sure, I'm never gonna be by myself
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: if I don't want to. But so many men, I
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: know that's not the truth for and I think, especially now,
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: men are trying to figure out their way when the
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: financial part is not what lures women in anymore.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, women have more financial autonomy to move around
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: and make their own decisions. And I even say with
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: just with our gender identity, I feel like women are
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: becoming more liberal with men are becoming increasingly more conservative.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Women are like, hey, those traditional things you identify me as,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: now we're moving away from them. Men like, nah, I
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: need that, that's what defines me. And it's like this
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: polarizing thing, especially in the world where they just released
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: a report where there are men between the ages of
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: eighteen and thirty who having a hard time finding work.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: AI is replacing a lot of jobs. They're not enough
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: men in vocational programs. They're not enough people in vocational
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: programs to fill all of the spots that we need
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: for plumbers, for lutricians, for HVAC. So we're living in
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: a completely different world where men have to rethink this
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: entire identity that's been one way for such a long time. Yes,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: it's hard.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: It's because it's funny because I'm one of my friends.
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: He was telling like, he's like me and my girl
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: hadn't such a hard time because she told me she
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: wants to provide her He said, but you don't cook
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: her clean, And he was like, how you.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: Want the tradition half the tradition.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: The other half of that is, you know I provided
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: protect and his thought processes, Well, then you do this,
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: but she herself is a successful like women in the world.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: So he's like, so well, I got to take care
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: of everything. It's almost like your money is our money
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: and my money is yeh.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: It's going to take a lot of rethinking on size.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: I get asked this question because the gender wars are ridiculous.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: I get asked this question all the time, and I say, man,
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: I think people on both sides are going to have
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: to rethink what their roles are and then how they
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: move about it. Nobody ever want to hear that shit. Yeah,
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: they don't ever want to hear that sho.
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: You know what it is.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: What I've learned is that, like so many people are
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: talking it's almost like when you're in middle school and
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: you're talking about like, yeah, you could tell that like
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: this little boy never kissed nobody.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: He's like yeah, because you know, I grab tru up.
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: You're like, oh, you're just talking.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: All you're making that up, all right? You experience.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: So when people are talking about relationships sometimes I'm like, have.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: You been in that relationship that you're not.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: Talking you're talking about I want a strict program, ain't
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: no compromising. I'm like, have you actually been in a
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: relationship past two months.
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no compromise.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, yeah, because I'm like, do you know,
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: people like no, because that doesn't you compromise in every
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: other relationship, your kids, your mama, the dog, the neighbor.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: No, ma'am.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Like life is about compromise, you know, financial compromising otherwise,
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: and if you wanting a healthy, happy relationship, then there
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: has to be compromised. But especially when it comes to
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: like what's happening in the financial landscape, you know, there
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: has to be because one person might not make enough.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: It's so nice to say it'd be but and also too,
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: here's a thing to me, it'd be my worst nightmare
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: if I financially fully depended on another person, because what
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: happens when they're not there and people be like, oh,
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: I got a good man, so did I my good man?
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: He died.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: He died forty one years old, brand and yours and
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: just like that, baby, I have a headache on Monday
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: going off Friday.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: So what happened? So it's not like he didn't step out,
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: he didn't see, he didn't leave. He died.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: So if all of my financiers were wrapped up in him,
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: then what would I be doing now, you know, And
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: I think about that a lot that Like I think
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: in the world that we live in, at least if
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: you're living in the United States and the West, that
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: there is a place for everyone to contribute whatever that
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: might look like. You know what I mean, because you
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: just don't know what the future holds if you don't
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: know how to do anything, even if you're not working,
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: but you don't you don't know what's in the bank account,
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: you don't know where they are, you don't know anything
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: about you don't know where the savings are. There's no will,
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: there's no Then what happens if something happens to your person?
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: So what if they don't die, What if they get
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: into a car accident and now they're vegetable and now
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: you don't have access.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what did they get cancer and now they aint capacity?
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it can't work anymore exactly.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: And so so even for me as I because Jerrel
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: passed away, it'll be crazy.
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: To be five years.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: It's been five years.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: It was crazy.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: It feels like yesterday and also a million years ago.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: At the same time, it's been five years twenty twenty
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: one November. I know, and I just remember thinking like
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: so one. A few things I learned from that were
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: one because Drum never made over sixty thousand. And I
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: share that because so many men think you got to
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: make a whole bunch of money. But the average black
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: man makes sixty thousand dollars a year.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Sixty thousand is the average. And to be clear, I've
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: only I never met him in person. I've only seen
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: him in pictures. The man looked very happy, Yes he was.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: He looked he looked he looked like he had a
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: very happy marriage. Yeah, he looked like he had a
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: happy marriage, happy life. Yeah, he ain't looked like he
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: was wanting for two life.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: And so because when I met Jirell, we we were
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: in our twenties and I was making thirty nine. I
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: don't know what he was making then because he was
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: a he was a cleaning man of the building and.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: I was a preschool teacher.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: That's how I met.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Just sweeping like hey, I was like, look at him.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I know, he's swaying. One of
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: the little girls was like, because I had a boyfriend,
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: she was like, oh, miss Tevansk your boyfriend.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: She was four. Kids are so perceptive because I didn't know,
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: and I said, no, mister Mike.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: Meanwhile, we're all nineteen, you know. So but I used
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: to call my boyfriend mister Mike. You know, mister Mike
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: is my boyfriend. She said that you got two boyfriends?
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: Oh damn, and I was like what.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: But it was then that I was like, wait, does
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: he like me?
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: And then years later we got together because I didn't
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: know that, you know at the time, but she.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: Was perceptive, like you not picking up where you're putting
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: out gun.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: She saw the virush from a distance, she knew what
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: was up and so.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: But yeah, so I met him really early on. We
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: didn't start dating until like our early thirties. And then
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: I remember I was struggling to get the budgetista off
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: the ground and he told me, like, you know, why
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: don't you move in with me because we've been dating
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: for a couple of years by then, And I was like, okay.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Own some consoliday resources.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just on some like honest, see, he's very old school,
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: you know, like because I lived like up the block.
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: I was renting a room because I was broke. I
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: was running room like I just came home. Some of
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: y'all don't know what that means.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Ask your cousin if you don't know what that means.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: That's someone who's just returning home from prison.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: Yes, so oftentimes you cannot get because you don't have the.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: Credit or the money or whatever. So all you could
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: afford is a room.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah that was me.
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right, So I was writing a room for five
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: hundred dollars a month and he lived not far We
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: were living in Newark, and he's like, just move in
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: with me. He worked for housing, and he was like
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: he lived on campus, which is a funny way to
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: say he lived in housing. It was nine hundred bucks
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: a month. And I remember I was like, we could
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: split it. He said, no, I'm been paying this before
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: you got here. I got it, and so I got
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: to really focus on taking my business to the next level.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: So then the business was making about six figures a
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: year and it sounds like a lot, like one fifty,
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: but I was only taking home fifty okay, And so like,
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: because after you know, people like to tell you, gross,
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: what's the net?
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: Tiffany talk straight numbers, O case you don't know, She's
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: not going to talk around the money. She gonna talk
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: straight about the money.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And then so then, but then within the two
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: years of living with him, I went from a six
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: figure business to a seven figure business.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, you scaled in two years from a six to seven.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: From living with him, But now it took me five
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: years to get to six. Okay, but you see what
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: support look like. Yeah, you see what you know? Because
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: to me, I too want to provide her. But for
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: vision is not always here some money, babe. Sometimes for
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: vision is I got us.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: You do what you.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Gotta do for sure.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: And so I scaled to seven, and then a year
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: and a half after that, I scaled to eight figures.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: So I went from like, like you know, a million
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: to ten million. So in total, I've made over sixty
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: million dollars in business. That's gross sixty six six zero gross.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: What what amount of time are we talking about?
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: So really, I want to say within a ten year span,
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: mostly because the first five years I was just like winging,
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: you know, I wasn't really making anything. I didn't know
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: what I was doing. So really, like I want to say,
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: especially the last five or six years, yeah, that's really
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: what it like has taken off sixty.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: I'm glad that because I always say you, I love
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: when you post him, and I love when you talk
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: about him. I'm glad that you were able to get
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: the type of support that allowed you to be who
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: you could fully beat like reacial possibilities. But also I'm
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: glad that you all didn't get so tied up and
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: who makes what and what does what for who that
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: you lost the plot.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: Well, we talked through it, honestly, that's the thing. Because
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: the truth is, so I grew up in a very
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: African household. My parents are Nigerian, so communication is.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: Not exactly on the table.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: If you're not Nigerian or West African or Caribbean, Uh,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: you may not understand that.
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: Right I want.
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: I feel like so many immigrants, so children are meant
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: to be seen heard even if you're a grown child,
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: and so communication just wasn't something. So I didn't grow
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: up communicate. I didn't know you either withdraw or you blast.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: If you've ever been to like Africa, you're like, are
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: y'all happy? You 'or mad? I'm like, oh oh the
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: laughter after okay, joy.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: I see some teeth. We must be like hold up.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: But with him, I don't know who his mother, but
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: he was an excellent communicator.
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: So when I would withdraw. He'd be like, no, no, no,
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: we're not doing that. What's up?
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: Get talk about that.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: I'm like, no, it's fine. It's obviously not fine. You
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: playing Mary j blies back to back.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: I was.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: He was gonna be came downstairs, He's like, you're good.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: I was like, I'm fine.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: He was like, not be married Mary music.
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: And and so.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: But I learned he really taught me how to communicate,
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: because truth is, it's not really safe.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: In African house. It's closed to communicate.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: For sure, you know.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: So I I was able to, you know, to learn
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: how to say. This is what bothered me because I
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: assumed there was always going to be defensiveness, like well,
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: if you would have done your homework, you wouldn't have
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: got his bacon, or well, if you would have done dah,
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: you could play outside with your friends. But it was
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: always oh, I didn't know that, babe. I wish you
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: would have told me I'm sorry. I was like, I'm sorry.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: What.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: I didn't know what to do with that.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: He was quick to apologize, quick to forgive, and so
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: we were able to talk about money in a way
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: where it was hard for him because he didn't grow
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: up with much needed did I. But I grew up
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: with financial education in the household, and so I'd be like, well,
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: this is not how you raise your credit score.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: Who told you that? Or how much do you want
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: to save? Or what are your goals?
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: So in the beginning there was a little bit of
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: tussling over because he was so generous, almost too generous.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: I'm like, why are you helping out? You know raheem
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: next door?
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: But he on vacation.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: I thought he ain't have the water built money him.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: It's crazy, right, why are you having him now?
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: That's not there? And so he was so generous that
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: he never had much.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: So I was trying my best to teach him how
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: to be both generous but also you know, financially sound,
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: and so we finally came up with the plan for
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: ourselves that worked for us. So I believe that if
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: you're an adult, you should have some autonomous money for yourself,
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: but if you're in a partnership, there should be partnership
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: money as well. So I believe you should have two checking,
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: two savings, two investment accounts, two of everything, two checking
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: to two.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: Savings, two investment accounts.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: If it doesn't, do you do you suggest to operating
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: account for business.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: Well, no, if it's my business. So the BUDGETIESSA was
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: like separate. I'm talking about individual with relationship. Yeah, so
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: like he didn't have any because he didn't work for
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: the budgetista, so that was just a separate.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So the budget NESTA by itself had its own
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: set of battery.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: You're talking about the person, Yeah, the.
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: Personal So I had a checking.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: Well, actually I like to have three of everything, my bad,
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: not not three, so not two. So I had a
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: personal checking. He had a personal checking. We had a
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: joint checking that we called our bills account.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: All the bills come out, so yep, all.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: The bills came out of here. Then I had a
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: savings for myself. He had a savings for himself. Then
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: we had a joint save his account. I had an
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: investment account for myself and also retirement account.
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: He had both, and then.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: We had a joint you know, because then so for
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: it happened, because I would be like where you get
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: them new Jordian's from?
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: I know, they didn't come out the bill's account.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: And then because we had everything together and I realized
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: this is not working because I'm clocking everything dollars.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: Oh my god.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: And I'm telling you there's not a man alive, I know,
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: and that's just specific the men and nobody likes to
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: have their money now. But now I'm like and I
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: was like, okay, so he started sneaking shoe box.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, I know, I don't see no creases, bruh.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: And so I so once we had that separate because
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: then it's like, well, I know, the didn't come out
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: of the bills account. So we each count had our
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: own allowance monthly for that when in our checking account
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: how much money that we decided that we're going to
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: save for ourselves individually for whatever and then but most
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: of our money went to the collective. And so then
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: even then we went further. We decided because he was like, Tiffany,
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: I really want to pay all the bills. That's just
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: was him, and I said, okay, then I will save
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: and invest for us. So what that looked like is
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: this day to day he paid the MT. You know,
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: we didn't have any car.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: Note all that kind of stuff.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: Right, And then I say for us.
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: And so but then when it was time to buy
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: a home, I remember we were looking and looking and
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: he was like, we're not going to get no home
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: that I can't fully cover.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: I said, then we're not gonna be able to afford
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: no damn home. I was mad, I said. I was like,
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: what the hell? Because by then I was making good money,
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: you know. And I was like, oh my god, I
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: don't let your ego get in a way.
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: Let me And he said no, because what if you
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: want you don't want to do budget nest to anymore,
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: then what.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: See, that's not forecasting for the future partners, the relationships.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: It's a hard part to explain the people until they
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: arrive at the doorstat yes, yeah.
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: And I'm so glad that he said. But at the
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: time I was max. I thought it was ego. It wasn't.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: He understood if I put all the financial burden on you,
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: then you'll never stop if you don't want to, you know.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: And so he said, whatever house we get, I have
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: to be able to afford it. And so this is
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: where the savings I did and investing for us popped
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: in that we found a house. It was for clothes
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: and it was one hundred and eighty thousand dollars, but
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: the bank won a cash and I looked in our
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: bank account. We had just that because the business was
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: starting to take off and I was saving and investing
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: for us, and I said, O, baby, we could buy
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: this house cash.
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: She was like, we ain't got no one eighty. I'm like,
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: you don't never look at the damn Savis. He's like,
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: what did we get with heavy, honey?
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: Well, because you pay the bills and I've been saving
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: and investing for us, and so we bought the house.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: So all of a sudden, no mortgage. So the taxes
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: became the new rent, and so he could afford you
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: see the taxes, the taxes. Yeah, So that was the
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: way we worked that out. And I'm so glad because
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: now he's not here and I'm not dependent on like
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: he left collectively myself and Melyssa, my bonus daughter. She's
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: nineteen now, she was fifteen at the time us left
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: us collectively seven figures. This is a man who never
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: opended over sixty with life insurance and money had left,
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: like and so as a result, school is paid for
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: for her first card, paid for her her sweet six teen.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: And so like it's just this is what compromise looks like.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: And I get it. Everybody wants everybody wants to sell thinet,
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: you know, But I.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Don't know because we were really happy and we didn't
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: have all that at least not in the beginning.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: So that makes me. That leads me to a question
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: when people because you talk about having it in the beginning,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: have you noticed a shift in people's like emotional apparatus,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: the way they feel, the way they see themselves, just
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: just their entire emotional approach to life. Have you seen
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: a shift when people have less money and they move
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: into making more money?
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, you'd be smart.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: I literally have a home of a friend who's worth
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: over one hundred million dollars, and I feel like there's
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: more stress there. The other day they were talking. They
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: were like, Yo, I'm really worried about this economy. I
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: was like, you are the economy?
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: Are you talking about?
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: You? What one hundred and fifty you know?
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: And I was like, what it was?
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: What was the concern though? Is it that you won't
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: be able to accumulate more? Is it go? Well?
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: Literally the concern as if like what happens if I
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: go broke? I was like, it would take And the
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: thing is they don't have no private jet, they don't
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: have no role to work yea, there's no.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: More people bills for the most part.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: I mean, so it's not like if it'd be one thing,
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: if I'm like, well, that's because you are kind of no,
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: none of that. It's that post traumatic broke syndrome.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: I feel it, though. I empathize with that because I'm
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: always looking at the money. I'm monitor the accounts all
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: the time, and I try my best not to be
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: the husband that's like heyo, you you got to spend
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: less on this. That and the third because I asked
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: my wife to leave the law field in wanting to
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: work with the company, and then she does. I don't
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: call her a stay at home mom. She does. She
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: does so much to that term doesn't really capture, even
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: though it captures a lot. But I don't want to
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: be clocking her moves because if she was working in
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: big laws, she'd be doing all these things for herself
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: that I don't necessarily find worth the money. But it's not.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: It's not about what I find worth the money, And
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: I don't want the relationshi to be a prison cell
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: with me talking about the money with her. Whether we
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: make less or more, that woman is happy, it don't
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: matter to her as long as she can get her
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: nails done, her hair done, she can go out with
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: her girls, and we can pay for good education for
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: our daughters. She ain't chilling me. I'm a money hoarder,
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: so I'm like her.
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: That was me.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: Jirelle was the one was like the screwsy baby girl's good,
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: you good, I'm good. But for me, I'm like, no,
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: we need more. But I'll say this that it's not
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: even about clocking. So if you come up with the system,
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: the system regulates. So one of the things I learned
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: when I taught preschool for ten years was the classroom
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: is the second teacher. If I'm always like that's A,
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: that's B, that's no. There should be letters alongside in
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: the classroom. There should be everything labeled, meaning that sometimes
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: if you create the system, the system can put you
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: in the safe parameters.
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: You don't have to say.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: So once we put rules in place that he and
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: I both agreed upon when it came to money, like, okay,
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: this is the bill's account. The bill's account are for
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: the joint things. So I never worried about his Jordan's
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: because I knew it didn't come from the bills account.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: So what my breast for because we decided already what
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: goes into the Bill's account.
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: If he found extra money for himself, I know it
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: was a bill money seeing us.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: The thing, man, there's so much about finances that people
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: just genuinely don't know. Even life insurance. I didn't know
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: that rich people were using life insurance to get the bag. Yeah,
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: I didn't know that. I didn't know you could take
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: out you could you can take out a loan against
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: the equity at all types. I don't suggest that one. Hey, listen,
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: but that's the thing. You know, the financial field is
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: so health it's wide opening, and it's so nuanced. You're
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: talking about bitcoin and mean coins and stocks and bonds
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: and day trading, and then this whole gambling thing is starting.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: What people are batting on it's tiffany elite the next word.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: She says, They're gonna begin with a vowel old constant
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: and putting seven hundred dollars on.
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: Imagine.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: No, I can't. I don't like losing money's gambling. It's
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: not my bag, but it's it's just like the what
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: people consider the tools to get you financial freedom are
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: now more vast and they've ever been. But I don't
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: know if the know how follows that, and it makes
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: me a little concerned about the emotional realities of people
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: knowing that, you know, if low financially, it's sometimes low emotionally,
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: and hw financially sometimes just less low emotional, And then
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: you get concerned, Like you're Homie with one hundred and
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: fifty mils, you get concerned about can I keep it?
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: Can I maintain it? More money you make, it gets
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: expensive to make money.
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: After a wow, well, I'll say this, that.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: Money is I've told myself a long time ago that
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: the narrative I've adopted is money is easy to make.
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: And the more I said that, the more that's become true.
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: Like for me, money is easy to make. People all
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: that's easy for you to say.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: I'm like, no, it wasn't always, but I've learned to
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: say it because I remember my best friend Linda.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: I was talking to her and I was like, I'm
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: so broke girl, and she's like, well, not me. I
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: get checked. I said, how you get checked this?
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: You are on your mother's scout just like me, and she'
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: said no, it's just the thing I tell myself. I
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, I'm gonna start saying that money's easy
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: to make, Money's easy to make, and so but over time,
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: because you know that that like literally science has backed
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: this up, that there something happens in your brain, like
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: it doesn't know the difference between like what you truly
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: believe in what reality is, you know, like what you
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: if you truly believe a thing, your brain will find
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: ways to make that thing true.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: And so I've prophecy, I mean one hundred percent.
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: So if I say money's easy to make, They're like, okay,
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: like show me example. So I remember I was, I
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: was on IG Live and I said, Yo, money's easy
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: to make.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: They're like, no, it's not.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: I said, okay, hey, y'all, okay for those of you
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: who don't know men tipany The by Janista New York
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: Times bestseller, multi multi million dollar business, sixteen years in business.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: If you would like me, I'm gonna take on just
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: five people and I'll coach you for the whole year.
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: And if you would like me, if you want to
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: be one of the five, because I really don't have
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: that much time, but we'll check in every single month,
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: maybe once throughout the year. I'll fly out to meet you.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: We'll go through your business. But it's gonna be ten
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: thousand dollars fee. Ye, just five people if you type
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: five below, if you're if, but you have to pay
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: ten thousand up front.
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: We're not doing no plans, you know, no no payment plans,
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: no nothing.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: Please.
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: I think is that five five five five five five
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: five five. Money is easy to make.
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: If I would have had a link right now, they're
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: like you're doing I'm like now I'm just talking. They're like, damn, Tiffany,
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: because I definitely would be down. I know because money
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: is easy to make. Even I'm saying this now, there's
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: gonna be people hitting you, like.
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: Wall she is she still doing that program? No, But
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: I know that money is easy to make.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: And because once you start to realize that money doesn't
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: burn up and go anywhere, it's like matter.
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: Matter might change, but it always exists.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: So if money is at on this table, there is
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: someone on this side that's receiving the money or someone
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: on this side that's losing it. The problem is is
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: that you're on the losing side. What you're trying to
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: figure out is how do I get to the winning side.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: And so I've learned to monetize different aspects of my personality.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: I learned how to.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: Monetize social media because you can focus your whole life
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: of what's not Yeah, yeah, yeah, because guess what, min
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: I have a lady who cooks for me.
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: Her name is Nishe.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: She left her good job at IBM because he hates
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: She hated it, and now she cooked.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: She she cooks for me, food.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: So good that whenever someone eats it, they say who
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: that is? I didn't see me the baby showers, the weddings,
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: the funerals. Because money is easy to make, she realized, you, Oh,
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: I'm really good at cooking. I'm not saying millions are
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: easy to make, but money is easy to make. There's
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: a shift in your mind that you have to create
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: first if you're going to welcome that money in. Because
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: if you believe that it's hard to make, you're You're right.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: When people fight me, and there'll be people who watch
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: this that might fight me, but.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Like, oh that's oh yeah, in the commons, it's easy
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: for you eight figures.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And here's what I say, Congratulations you win at losing?
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: Is that what woman to say?
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: Like? What is it that you're wanting? Do you want
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: to win at losing. You're fighting so hard to lose.
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: Guess what you win?
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, Anyway, the rest of us over here who are
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: making money like it's available to you, there's nothing so
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: special about me.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: And you know I wanted to fight you on that.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: And I'm trying to absorb what you're saying because me
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: knowing you, you've never steered me wrong. But I think
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: my mindset is so hard for me to wrap my
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: mind around money being easy to make. And I think
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: the thing that you said that helps me with that
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: more is the idea that you said. I'm not talking about.
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: Millions, yes, I'm not talking about that, just money.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: And you talk about a scale of do you take on.
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: One on one people anymore? Like do you do therapy?
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: If you put out you think if you put a
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: post out saying look taking on ten new clock, both done, Yeah.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: It can happen. I think the difference between me and
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: a lot of people is have a monetizable.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: Skill, yes, but even before then, yeah, but see you
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: have a monetizable, monetizable skill because you know you can
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: make money with that.
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: Everybody has anuntizable You could.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: Watch these babies, yeah, like this, Look there's a fourteen
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: year old who's making money right now watching babies.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: I got a homie that started watching people's clothes. I
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: mean you could.
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: I remember there was literally this this Dominican guy in
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: in school, and the Dominican parent is important because he,
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: like a lot of the Fetis guys, used to go
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: to them for a lineup. And so his name was Jay,
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: but we started to call him Jay Goofay. That's why
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: I thought his name was no because it was all
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: the Dominican boys that used to go to him, be like, yo, Jay,
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: he does it good. Fade man Jay Goofai.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: So I'm like his dam's abu jago hut jesus.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: So. But Jay used to have like because we're in
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: school on campus, we don't have no car, he would
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: have literally every Friday, he would put the paper on
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: the wall or on the door of his his dorm
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: room and he could take twenty guys that weekend. People
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: be lined up to get their haircut. Because money is
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: what easy to make, like water your plans while you away.
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: Money's easy to make, and.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: We're living in more of a gig economy, so these opportunities.
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: But even before that, like I mean, you got to.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: Fight you on that so bad. I don't know why,
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: but I want to fight you. Fight you.
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: I'm not talking about millions, but I'm talking about in
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: some way, shape or form, there is a way that
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: you can monetize a thing. You know how to do
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: a thing, you have, have access, you have proximity. You
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: left live near a train station and people.
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: Want to park.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: You got a driveway. People will pay you to bark
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: in your driveway. Money is easy to make.
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: People are driving oh boards and lifts and whatever. Money
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: is easy to make. There's always money to be made.
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that the work is easy. It means
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: that the threshold between not having money and doing something.
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: That always an opportunity to.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: And So because what I want to get people out
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: of is the excuse of you know, not me, because
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: if you really believe it, it becomes true.
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: I don't want that for you.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: I don't want you to be a winner at losing.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: So I'm just not gonna accept that because yes, for
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: some people, that's not you.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: I'm not talking about you. Remember I always tell you
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: that I'm not talking about them here. I'm talking about you.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: I would tell you you are a one of one
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: don't worry about you, but such a yeah, but that's
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: not you.
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: She really does on like this, I'm not talking about you.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: You are a one of one, and so it's like, no,
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: so don't put yourself in a group with everybody else,
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: but everyone listening. Because so for a three years, for example,
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: Jorelle and I were trying to have a baby. We
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: did IVF for three year straight. I just couldn't mind.
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: My eggs were just for whatever reason, they were bad earlier,
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: I just wasn't responded. Yeah, so I couldn't. And it
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: was in that moment that I realized after three years
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: and all the shots and everything else, I said, damn,
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: how I get here? Because with all the science, like
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: he had really good insurance because he worked for the city,
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: and so without the insurance, the bill would have.
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: Been about three hundred thousand dollars.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: So you think three hundred thousand dollars and three years
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: in countless shots, I could not make a baby, and
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: yet I'm here. What that tells me is I'm a
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: product of a million Yess, if your mama would have
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: had tea instead of coffee, no care, if your father
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: would have got on her nerves, that didn't no care.
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: If she would have wear the red dress instead of
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: the pink dress, maybe you would have been a girl
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: instead of a boy. Literally, the fact that you're here,
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: you're already a walking miracle. You're telling me that money
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: is gonna be so hard. Please, You've already beat every
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: odd possible. There are more people unborn than those.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: Who are here by an astronomical number. An number, yeah,
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: I being alive. I can't remember the numbers. Being alive
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: as a miracle. Just the chances that you were the
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: egg that chose or the spurm survived. And I always
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: say life is a series of doors that leads to
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: a series of doors that leads to a series of doors.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: If you pick a different door, any series of that process,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: it changes everything and everything.
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: So the fact that you're here means you already have
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: hit the lottery. So hit the ground and figure out
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: what can I do to monetize? What can I do
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: to make more? If I'm a really good teacher, can
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: I tutor on the sides? Can I babysit? That's what
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: I used to do.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: You made me think about something, Tiffany, what's the most
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: dangerous piece of financial advice that people still.
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: Believe that they are not capable. I'm like, no, you're capable,
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: you're not confident.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: Explain that what you mean by that?
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: So like people will tell me like I can't do it.
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: I can't do them Like you're raising kids. You the
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: hardest radies.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: Daat Yeah, talk that talk.
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: These kids will have you.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: I can take my niece and nephew out, show them
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: the time of day life and you they'll ask. So
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: they do the system where it's like good day, bad day,
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: And I mean I could have took them on a
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: llama uh to Cairo, to Mars and back and they
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: could be laughed. I can have video of them laughing
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: it out with the Sultan of Brunei. And they come
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: home because they nine to ten. They come home, they
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: mom like, oh my god, how today here go a milia.
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh lord, She's.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: Like, I'm right, yo, my daughter be doing the middle
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: thumb man day we went tomorrows and Mom tall us
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: you know what tomorrow is gonna stay in and play
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: with cause.
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I should have left you here with your
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: little babby, right.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: But I'm like all of that, you think raising that
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: little person is harder than figuring out a budget and savings.
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you have the capability, you don't have the confidence.
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: You don't have the confidence. You figured out which hair
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: coach is best, You're like, nah, not the low tapeer fade.
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: They ain't me.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: You figured out your eyebrow shaped ladies, You figure out
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: the last curl. You figured out, Okay, this is this
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: outfit is best.
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: For my shape.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: You figured out like your makeup founder. All the things
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: that we figured out, I promise you those are all
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: harder than money. Money really typically is like a series
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: of just automations. You know, it's not as hard as
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: you think. You're doing way harder things.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: I promise you you are.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: You're doing way harder things. But the world has told
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: you that, Oh no, no, you leave that poor money alone. Meanwhile,
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: they're out here getting him mad. They'll tell you, oh no, no,
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: there's no money in real estate. Real estate is terrible.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: Then how come all the private equity are buying single
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: family homes. They're telling you real estate is cereble May
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: and my producer Carla talk about that all the time.
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: People like the podcast market is oversaturated.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: I would be like, y'all tripping like it's things to
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: be done in this field.
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so the thing is like you have to read
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: the room like people are doing all the talking. A
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: minute ago, they were sending all the young black and
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: brown especially men to the trades because they're like, ain't
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: no money. Now they're keeping you out the trades because like.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: Hold, because that's what all the money is. And you
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: walk out of that job when I have no profound
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: student loan debt. I have a friend who is literally
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: a judge. Her boyfriend is as an electrician. He makes
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: more than her without the student loan deck. Oh, I
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: can believe it. I can believe it. I had a
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: leak in my house. And when I tell you that
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: man had to rip my whole roof off and do
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: an evaluation to tell me that this HVAC thing about
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: it cost me fifteen thousand. I mean to walk in
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: my house. A plumber gets paid three hundred and fifty dollars.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: You don't have to do nothing.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: So now you see that's why I said money is
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: what easy to make. Now, it's what I just mean
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: that it is available on out there. It's right right,
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: right right, you know what I mean. Yes, I'm not
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: saying every it's gonna become a millionaire. But it is
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: available on out there. If you can figure out something
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: that you can do, somebody will pay for it if
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: it's useful, valuable, So you can spend your time talk
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: about what's not or spend your time figuring out what is.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: That reminds me. One of my five brothers and I
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: have a conversation. He always says he wants to be
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: a millionaire. He's like, man, I just want to sit
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: with you and learn everything because one day, like I
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: want to be a millionaire. And I keep telling him,
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: chase the purpose or chase the skill. Don't chase the money.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: You build the thing out from the skill first. If
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: you like I want to make a million dollars, you're
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: going to start dancing for your money and doing whatever
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: you can to make it, selling knives, selling fictitious perfumes.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: That's how people become grifters. When that desperation between what
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: they want to do and where they are isn't bridged
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: by actual purpose and skill. You try to shortcut that
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: joint and end up smoking yourself. Question for you and
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: your work and everything you do, Explain to me what
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: you think financial wholeness looks like, so.
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: When I wrote Gika with Money, I knew that I
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: didn't want to talk about financial freedom, which which is cool,
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: which means you have a pile of money, you ain't
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: got to work no more.
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: I'm there now.
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: If I really don't want to work anymore and I
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: just want to maintain my life, I can do that
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: because you said that.
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: By the way, care Gains is not there yet, but
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: you will be there Tiffanity Elita says care gains. I
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: don't feel that way right now because I'll get smoked
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: by by bills and overhead. But I believe you because
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: you said it. Yeah, well, yeah, you know.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: So financial freedom, that's the pile of money. But financial wholeness,
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: to me is far more powerful and important. It's when
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: you master these ten things that means that you will
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: still be all right. Right. So that's budgeting. These are
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: the foundational five. Your budget savings, save credit, debt income,
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: so that's foundational budget savings, credit that income foundational five. Right,
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: So you want to try to master those things first, right,
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: And then there's investing for both retirement and wealth. There
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: is insurance to protect your assets. There's your financial team,
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: there is your net worth and there's a state planning,
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: so investing insurance, your net worth, your financial team, and
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: estate planning.
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: That's the next five.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: So one is like foundation and the other one builds
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: from you. Yes.
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: Now, so if you there are people who have enough
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: money not to work anymore, but they don't have financial holners,
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: so they're still screwed. So let's just say you're worth
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: one hundred m's right, but you have the wrong team.
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: It was just in the news Nick Cannon his account
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: ran away with two million dollars of his That's that's
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: that team. So he might have enough money not to work,
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: but he doesn't have financial holeness because who's on your team?
• 46:32
  Speaker 3: You see what I mean?
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: If one of those things is compromised, do you not
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: have financial holdness? Do you need all ten?
• 46:37
  Speaker 3: Need all ten?
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: You know because financial because what could is he's luckiest too,
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: would have been had been twenty like Rihanna.
• 46:43
  Speaker 3: That's why she left her accounting firm.
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: And why you ain't seen Rihanna drop an album because
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: she said, let me get my bag and secure it.
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: Same thing to you.
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: P T Pain. I did a project one time with
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: T Pain.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: He talked about how he lost all his money, and
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: now he's like, I'm the only signer on all my accounts.
• 46:57
  Speaker 2: I don't care how long it takes you to sign
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: a check. But that's because they had more than enough money.
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: They didn't have financial hollness. That's why that's more important,
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: because also you can achieve financial hollness at twenty, at sixty,
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: at ninety. Because so for example, financial holeness for someone
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: who's twenty, the estate planning part might look like, your
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: mom is the beneficiary of your bank account. That's a
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: state planning for a twenty year old. I got this
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: one bank account and they say I can put a beneficiary,
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: Oh my mama. You know at forty six where I am,
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: it's a will, it's a trust, it's a holding company,
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: it's all these other things. So it gets to form
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: to who you are financially at this place, but.
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: Grows with you.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: You know. Let me just say this, if you're listening
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: and you don't know what a holding company is, or
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: you don't know what the state planning is, one, don't
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: allow that to make you feel bad. Allow that to
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: spark your curiosity and start doing research. Because I didn't
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: know what any of that was until last year and
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: I'm still not one hundred percent show what the holding
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: company is, but I know why it's important. I think
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: this is a good signal to indicate that maybe this
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: more out there that I need to learn about, because
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: you're not as far away from it as you may think.
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: Because honestly, here's the thing. So I don't know if
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: the kids still said that, but you the birthday, You
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: the birthday cake.
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: Who know, by the time this came out, they're gonna
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: be talking about your birthday. You never heard you the birthday?
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: No, that's the thing.
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah.
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: So I had to ask my nineteen year old. I said,
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: what is your the birthday?
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: She's like, sit down, girl. So it was some rapper
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: had this song where he said something about you the birthday.
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: He probably will you now on something, and anyway she
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: probably about to say it's your birthday?
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: Who knows.
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: But anyway, the kids lasted onto the Foolishes because they
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: love Foolish and they've been saying you the birthday, which
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: just made you it.
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: But then it became funny because you might be late.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: You be like, oh you the birthday invitation, look at
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: you late, and then it's like, oh you shine it.
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: H you the birthday candle, and.
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: It just became a whole UN's status. Tiffany, I don't
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: know what these kids.
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: It's only when I hear so I'll be asking a listen,
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: like what that means? She was like, this is what
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: that means.
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: But what I'm saying is there's a language and so
• 48:56
  Speaker 2: we had our own language, you know, and so, but
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: money has its own too, holding company, assets, liability. The
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: only way to learn the language is to immerse yourself
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: and do what ask Hey, listen, what's your birthday meaning? Hey?
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: What's the holding company?
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: Curiosity?
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: Hey?
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: Hey, what's you know? What are what are you said
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: something about assets? What are assets?
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: Hey?
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: What are what are liabilities?
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: You listen, listen, listen, like with any language you know.
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: But then the words you don't know, you get to ask, Like,
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: even if you don't feel comfortable asking a person, you
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: can ask online.
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: You know you can.
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: You could google it and be like, oh, that's what
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: a liability is? Something that takes money out of your pocket.
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: Here's a really good way to ask. If you're like, child,
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: I don't know what this says, I'll say, Hey, explain
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: to me what a liability is.
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: As if I'm in kindergarten.
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: I ask people that all the time, and I find
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: with men a lot of times there is this idea
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: that you should just know, you should just know. And
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: then on the other side, it's this idea that you
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: are grown to ask man, I shouldn't have to explain
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: it to you. And that even comes from other men.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: So if on one end you're saying you should just know,
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: and on the other end you're saying I shouldn't have
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: to explain it to you, where does the knowledge gap
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: get filled? And when I listen to a lot of
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: finance podcasts, they talk above my head. I've been listening
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: to prof g money markets. I had to stop. I
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: don't know what y'all boys are speaking South American Portuguese,
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: and I can't comprehend slow down. And I think that
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: there is a legitimate shame in asking people to slow
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: down and explain it to you like a kid, But
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: that shame doesn't outpace my desire to know what the
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: hell we talking.
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: Well, there's one is like first, earn your leisure, regularly,
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: regular kick the earlier. I told you, No, They're like, yo,
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: did you see the market? I mean, they're gonna totally
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: break it down for you in a way that depends
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: where from where you from.
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: You're gonna be like, oh, I recognize.
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: I like it, and I like when the breakdown isn't condescending.
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: Yes, no, not all, yeah, because it's like this is
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: how we talk, you know what I mean. And then
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: but there's other When I had my podcast Brian Ambition,
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: it's still on. The women loved it because me and
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: Mandy were gonna chitchat like girlfriends and talk about money
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: like girlfriends, and people would be like, yo, you like
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: either depending on their age. I'm like, it's like listen
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: to my big cousin or my auntie or like my
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: bestie or whatever. And so you could there are so
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: many tools, like when you read Gikos money, now that
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: you've heard me speak, you've read it twice.
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is out to me.
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: Sound is exactly.
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: So I'm not gonna do all those things, you know,
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: and so, but your job is to go find what
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: you need. I know, it would be so nice that
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: the world just drop things into our life. It don't
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: work that way. If you want to do better, you're
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: gonna have to actively be a participant in that part
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: of it.
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: That is the same way we talk about healing. Healing
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: is not going to uber eat now straight to your house. Now,
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: you're going to have to do the work to meet
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: it at the very least, at the very least, at
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: the very least halfway, because you.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: Could complain when people tell me like, oh, like people
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: will tell me because sometimes I'm like, okay, I'll tell
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: them how to raise your credit score. Oh I did
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: that before, or my aunt did that. Oh my aunt's
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: dogs cat had tried that ninety seven. And I just
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: be like, oh, you're right.
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: You're right as I live here.
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: In my palatial pad not having to worry about money,
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: what you talk about you came to ask me.
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to tell you what worked for me because
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: I used to be you. But you want to stay
• 52:03
  Speaker 3: you just say that.
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, before we keep going real quick, I want to
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: tell y'all something that I'm really excited about. That's my
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: first book. It all starts when you do, and it's
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: available for pre order right now because it's coming out
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: in just a few weeks. It's everything I've learned from therapy,
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: from my own life, and from the conversations I've been
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: having with people for years just search. It all starts
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: when you do by Care Games and pre order your
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: copy today, available whever books are sold. It's one thing
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: to ask for help, and we just talked about this
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: on the previous part episode. There's one thing to ask
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: for help. It's another thing to put yourself in a
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: vulnerable enough place to receive the help and admit that
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: you are afraid of the shortcomings that come with trying
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: a lot of times, and a lot of times in
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: the middle Hope Field, what happens is people get stuck
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: in a holding pattern because it's not so much that
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: you're afraid to try, it's you're afraid of what happens
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: when you try and you fail, and then you're reminded
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: that perhaps this isn't something you deserve.
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: I think the key is a really good I have
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: a series of really great mentors. So I mentor people
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: a lot too, and so you damn s she'll get
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: me out the way. And so for example, like one
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: of my mentees, like I remember, like her first year
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: in business, like exploded.
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: It did well, but I already knew. I said, Oh,
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: that's called beginner's luck, because you ain't doing nothing. How
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: do you know how you do that. You didn't do nothing,
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: but I knew, but I'm allowed to rock.
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: And then as I started decline, I said, it's not
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: the client, it's just business, baby like, because you're settling
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: down to the place of where your knowledge like matches
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: what your income is. In the beginning, the business likes
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: to get you all excited to get going.
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: You know, and then you're like, oh, this is where
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: I'm really at.
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: And then but but having a really good mentor helps
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: to set the expectation that you didn't do anything wrong.
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: A good mentor will share all their horror stories like oh, yeah,
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: I did that last week and this I messed up
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: and I was broke here and our peak year we
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: made ten, and last year I think we made four,
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: three or four, and so like, I don't I'm not
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: the same to say, but we still kept Remember the
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: year that we made ten, we kept two because my well, anyway,
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: somebody was overspended.
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: It wasn't me, right, But.
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: Then but we keep more than two now, so it's like, well,
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: I don't mind making four and keeping more than two
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: When I used to keep two when I made ten,
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: ten just sounds like a good thing to say.
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: Man, and you know it's it's a different thing. You
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: got to talk to different friends differently about money, because
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: some people hear you say that you made ten and
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: anything that you kept ten No no, no, no, no
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: no no no. Gross versus and book versus bank. Yes,
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: how much money you book versus how much money you bank.
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: It's very different. Yes, But these are universes that I
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: didn't know when I worked in corporate America because I
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: got my check, I cashed it and it was all good.
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: But when you venture on the entrepreneurship, I know that
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: people like to portray entrepreneurship. It's flying private jets and
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: eating cave y'all and not doing that and waking up
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: in the hotel room and doing this with champagne.
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: Even if you're making a million dollars a year gross
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: sides to entrepreneur And I know it's gonna sound crazy.
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: It's not as much as you think. No, you never know.
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: You might take home one hundred and fifty three hundred,
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: maybe if you're lucky, five hundred, but typically not more
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: than that because IRS is like, not too much on.
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: My money, and they will spank you something crazy until
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: you learn how to manage that and had to put
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: your money.
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: It cost me seven figures of making so many mistakes
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: with the IRS.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: I don't even want to talk. I don't even want
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: to talk about my mistakes with DIRS. My first year
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: being an influencer, I was like, Hey, look at all
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: this money. And then the IRS was like, yes, what's up, homes.
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: I was like, what's up? There was like, yeah, we
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: need our money? What money? That money I spent already,
• 55:34
  Speaker 1: y'all need that back? Say it's gone, same, that money's
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: out of it.
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: Same.
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: They're like, don't worry, we can take it. We're gonna
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: put you a nice little paper and.
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: We're gonna charge you a daily interest rate one thousand.
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: That's how people end up owing millions of dollars.
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: And I always wondered that until it was my turn,
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: because like, yeah, this celebrity was two hundred million attacks.
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, they tripping and then you get.
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: To you like, oh oh fifty.
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: But by the fee on top of the people they
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: get your here's the thing. The penalty from not filing something,
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: but for the penalty for not paying it is something else. Yeah,
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: and I've made all those mistakes and you have to
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: because I just paid a twelve thousand dollar penitties of
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: the day and I was like, why, there's something new
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: in New Jersey that I wasn't aware of, And I
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: was just going back and forth, and my account said,
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: just pay it and we'll fight it on the back end.
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: But even still like, and even now that I like, I'm.
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: Telling you, there's so much because for so long, like
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: even like, even though Jerell's not been here for five years,
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: I still get like whatever I get anything from, like
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: the State of New Jersey, iris, they still had his
• 56:37
  Speaker 2: name on it.
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: So oftentimes they say you didn't pay.
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: I'm like I did, because when you're married, you typically
• 56:41
  Speaker 2: pay under one Social Security if you do my married
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: filing jointly, so his was the social that we paid under.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: So for the longest, we couldn't figure out why didn't
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: I get the money because I was being I was
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: paying undermine.
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: Yes, And still to this day, every.
• 56:53
  Speaker 2: Time they hit me and they're like you, oh, I'm
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: like I don't like, you ain't paying, I'm like, oh,
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: my gosh, I did.
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: And then I'm like, how do I get my late
• 57:00
  Speaker 3: husband off of this?
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: Which I'm sure is a process.
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: It's just such a you know, but I'm just saying
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: that there's so much and so you don't have to
• 57:08
  Speaker 3: figure it out all No, but you have to start now.
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: You have to start somewhere, somewhere, if it's just starting
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: with listening to podcasts like this and saying, you know
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: what I'm gonna I'm gonna look that up.
• 57:18
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna follow more financial people online.
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna find a handful of people who speak in
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: a way that makes sense to me.
• 57:26
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna make I'm gonna make this year my credit year.
• 57:28
  Speaker 3: So that's what I tell people.
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: If you're gonna do giga with money and you're gonna
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: buckle down, you might pick like a year this is
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: gonna be my debt year, the year that I'm gonna
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: really work on paying off my real egregious debt. You know,
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: this is the year I'm gonna work on getting my
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: credit score to a seven and forty. That's the beginning
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: of perfect credit. But maybe this is the year I'm
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: really gonna buckle down on like my retirement account. Make
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: sure this is what's supposed to be. You don't have
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: to do all ten in a year to I typically
• 57:52
  Speaker 2: pick a year like, this is the year I'm gonna
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: focus on this one core thing and rock it out.
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: Like if for those of you who grow up in
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: a certain kind of neighborhood, what did they tell you here?
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: If like you're about to get jumped and it's like
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: three or four guys, but they usually tell you they
• 58:03
  Speaker 2: tell you to pick the.
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: One one dude, and you beat the shit out of there.
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: You wear his asset. So sometimes with your money.
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: It's the same big one.
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and then like whatever that is, right, you're like, oh,
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: this is the year I'm working on budgeting. This is
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: you I'm gonna work on. And you wear it out,
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: and then typically what happens is other things fall alne
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: because if you beat the mess out of that dude,
• 58:22
  Speaker 2: they're like, oh, so, for example, let's just say you
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: wear out budgeting.
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: Do you know if you budget right that that'll hit
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: your debt.
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: If you budget right and you pay things automatically and regularly,
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: your credit score is thirty five percent paying on time.
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, you hit credit too.
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: If you budget right, you know, you might realize that
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: you know, their income is actually fine, you know what
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: I mean? You budget right, you can find some more
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: money for investing. Do you see what I mean when
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: it happens, is that sometimes when you wear out one
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: of them, not even sometimes, almost always, it trickles down
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: to others. So by the time you get to them,
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: you've already done so much of the work for that one.
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: So just pick one thing and wear it out.
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: I like the idea of being conscious about what your
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: money's doing and where it's going. And I know that
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: we're talking about finance, but there is a lot of
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: cross pollination between finance and wellness, even the way you
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: attack it. Sometimes it's pretty similar. And if the audience
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: listening to this doesn't take anything away today, I want
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: you to take away the idea that it's okay to
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: ask and it's okay to have things broken down for
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: you to a granular point so that you walk away
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: with some understanding. I know, like it's kind of like
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: when you were a man and you asking for directions.
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: But I'm a man that don't mind saying, excuse me, bro,
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: how do I get here? Because what's more important than
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: preserving my ego is the fact that I'm going to
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: get to my destination, whether that be my wellness destination,
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: whether that be my financial destination. It's more important than
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: I land there, than the style points I get for
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: how I arrive there, So to land in this plane,
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: I want you to tell me what what you teach
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: people when you learn that they're spending is emotional? Like
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: they are emotional spenders?
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: What to do?
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: And where do folks even start?
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: Everybody's emotional? You're you're a human being. So one, I'm
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: going to tell you like I would say to them
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: that what doctor Green, my therapist, tells me. We don't
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: punish ourselves for being human, because sometimes I'm like, doctor Green,
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: why don't I do I noticed the right thing to do.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: I should just do this this?
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: This is a oh robot we talk about, you know.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: So one, You're not gonna punish yourself and being human.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: We're here to learn and grow. So acknowledge first that
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: you're behaving like a human. You know, I used to
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: call it kid mistakes when like a kid would do
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: a thing, I'm like, well, that's not an adult, Like,
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: of course she's gonna spill the juice.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: That's what kids do.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 2: So one, acknowledge, Oh, I'm just human. But the human
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: is also to learn, you know, So one, helping yourself
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: recognize the triggers, Like if you can look back at
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: your debit card or credit card, what happened on that
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: day that you went above and beyond? You know, did
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: you talk to your mother? Oh, she has a trigger,
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: hom you know, look at your you have an or ring,
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 2: look at my ring?
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: Like what happened at three pm? I was spike, spike
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: all the way.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: That's just like, yeah, that had me stressed out, you know,
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: you know, or like so so that's the thing, right,
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: it's when you notice yourself spending.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 3: Don't try to do anything about it. But what's the trigger?
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 3: Is it your kid?
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: Is it? Oh, it's guilt coming up because I'm a
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 2: single mother, or it's you know, anger because I didn't
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: get the thing like that I was supposed to get
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: when I was a kid and I never had a
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: good Christmas or whatever.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 3: To figure out what that thing is.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: Notice the patterns.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: Notice the patterns. And then also like you get to
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: go to like doctor Greenwood asked me, how old is
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: that person? So is that nine year old tiffany Ah?
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: That goes back to what we talk about how trauma
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: freezes you went, Yeah, sometimes it is.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 3: It's like then tell you nine to come sit next
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: to me.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: I got you.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 3: So you wanted that thing for Christmas? Didn't you know?
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 3: You really should have gotten it because they gave it
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 3: to your sister the year before. So this is what
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 3: we're gonna do. We're not gonna trick up all our
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: money on this thing.
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: We're just gonna get you that doll if that's what
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: you said you did you really want it for ten dollars,
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean? Or We're gonna get that
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: for one of yourdisis so you can watch to her
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: eyes what you wish you would have had for yourself.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 3: Do you see what I mean?
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: What does that do for people when they when they
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: frame it that way?
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 3: It gets you to one.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: It allows you to I'm not here to tell you
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: don't feel the feeling. I'm here to say, feel it
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: and then do something about it. You get to talk
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: to that person whoever nineteen year old you, twenty oh you,
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: nine year old you, You get to talk to.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 3: That person as who you are now and fix it
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 3: for yourself.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: You know in this moment, because you will find that
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: even if you were to go back and yell at
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: your dad and your mom and they say I'm so sorry,
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: what people find oftentimes, honestly, Kere, is that they're not
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: actually feeling better, and they'll be like, well, I'm not
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: not feeling better. And one thing I learned from therapy
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: is because it didn't erase the harm.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, one thousand percent if that person world to apologize,
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: that happens in therapy and you finally had a conversation
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: and your mom says, I'm sorry, but you don't feel
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: like by that and.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: Any race the harm, it just means you can move
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: forward differently, and so what you're already here now, so
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: you can go back to that version of yourself. You're
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: not going to raise the harm, but it gives you
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: the permission to move forward differently and tell that nine
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: year old version of yourself you actually don't have to
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 2: go play because I got it now, you know. But
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: then also I think that acknowledging that there are more
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: than one truth is available. One of the tools that
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 2: doctor Green gave me that I use all the time
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 2: is when I'm like, you know, kind of like you know,
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: you're spirally and then this happened, and this happened, and
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: this happened, and she'd be like, is that true? So
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: let's stop for a moment, is that true? And sometimes
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 2: like I might say, well, the economy is really bad
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: at doctor Green, I'm afraid of going broke, And she's like,
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: is that true that you could really go broke at
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 2: this level?
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 3: And there might be some truth there. She's like, okay, explore.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, well, if everything fail and then and
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: then and then she said okay, and then she said,
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: even if that's true, is it the only truth available?
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: Part always, because the other truth available is yeah, it
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 2: would have to be something crazy, because if it's crazy
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 2: like that we all broke, it would have to be
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: you know, like maybe the truth is okay, rent is
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: going up, but the other truth available is I could
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: afford it. I just don't want to pay it, right,
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 2: And so it's acknowledging that it's not this one sole thing, Yes,
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: my job doesn't pay me enough that is true. Is
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: that the only job in the universe that's this of
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 2: the truths available, so acknowledging that there are other truths
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: that surround that thing, and maybe if we leaned on
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: those truths we can find a solution we're looking for.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: I actually like that. That's in line with how I
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: talk to my clients in the world where people use
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 1: the term gas light and a lot and often misuse it.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: In the safety of a therapeutic space, I love to
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: bring up the idea like, hey, let's separate the truth
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: from the narrative that the feelings are drawn for you,
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: because anxiety is the most brilliant horror director of all time. Yes,
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: and it will exaggerate the margins of possibility for you,
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 1: make you think worst case scenario. In addition, is that true?
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: Is that the only truth? I also ask people, is
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: that a reality that is happening to you right now
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: or you predicted it and it feels like it's happening
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: right now. Those are different things. And that's not an
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: attempt to gas like you. That's an attempt to bring
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: you into the reality that's before you. Help you interrogate
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: your initial thoughts and see what the possibilities are.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: I saw a woman want to say, which I use
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 2: sometimes this trick, she said her therapist. She used to
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: tell her be where your feet are, Be where your
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: feet are, and I like, I wiggle my toes and
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I'm here sitting in this blue chair
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 2: with care.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 3: I'm not thinking like dang. The traffic. Are you in
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 3: the traffic? Are you in the car?
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 3: No, you're literally right here.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: You might get outside, ain't no traffic, And now you
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 2: just spent all that emotional energy.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 3: So same thing with your with your money.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: Yes, you might actually be homeless in this moment in time,
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 2: that's true, but for many people that's not the case.
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: You know, And I'm not saying you shouldn't work toward
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 2: whatever the whatever financial thing you need to to make
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: sure that doesn't happen. But is that actually happening to
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: you right now? You know, like, if you look at
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 2: the way you're spending, is that even likely? Because oftentimes,
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: you know, we just live in such financial fear and
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: I get it because me too, and so one of
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 2: the ways I offset the fear is putting myself in
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 2: the environment where one I have access to resources, to
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 2: people I can lean into that can kind of sign
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: a light. So part of my financial team, my financial advisor,
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: I just met with her last week and I told
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 2: her this fee I'm like her, I don't want to people,
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 2: and she said, let's let's run the projection, let's run
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 2: the play, okay for that to happen.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 3: Yes, And I was like oh, I said.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 2: Well, she said, if I were to stop working right
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 2: now and I spent three hundred thousand dollars a year,
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: I don't spend that now, when would I run out?
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 3: She was like, well past the retirement age. And I said, okay,
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: So it brought down This is why having a financial
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 2: team is one of them. It's one of the ten
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: components of.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: Right there, the whole is Yeah, see that it forgets you,
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: my homie. You say, if we're fifths, we all be drunk.
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 3: That's hilarious.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's your brain can doom scroll. Your brain
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: is a machine that tries to predict. When it doesn't
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: have enough information, it grabs whatever's out there, and you
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 1: can really hang on the fear based narratives and even
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: acknowledging that there are people out there that are struggling
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: financially because the economy is scary as here. If you
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: watch politics is scary and you know the people who
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: are in charge, and in my opinion, I don't represent Tiffany,
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: but they don't seem to have a handle on things
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: sometimes and you don't know which way is up or
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: what messaging is consistent, So scary times for sure, but but.
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: You know COVID, scary time man session, scary time man depression, scary.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: Time housing, CHRISTI is scary time civil rights?
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 3: How we know?
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 2: Like, I know, we like to think that we're like
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 2: the first humans ever walked the earth. What you think
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 2: they were doing during Black Plague? You know what, sixty
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 2: percent of people were dying. I know. We just swear
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: like it's like our parents, you know, all the older
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 2: generation always swore they had it the best and the worst.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 2: But the truth of the matter is we ain't seen
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: the best of the worst. It hasn't even been Those
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 2: kids haven't even been born yet. So whatever it is
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 2: that you're experiencing, people have lived through it. You don't
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: want to know how because you're here. I'm sorry.
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 3: Like many of our ancestors were toiling away in fields.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: You in the field, man and my fraternity they got
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: a saying even hope may be but futile when what
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: troubles you're beset, just but remember you were facing just
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: what other men have met. You may fail before, still fighting,
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: don't give up. Whatever you do, eyes front head, hot
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: to the finish, see it through.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 3: Yes, what are you? What's what's fraternity?
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: Let's play that game. Which one do you think I am?
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 3: Lord, dude, O glet me give me give me some hit. Hell, no,
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 3: do y'all y'all line dance.
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not answering any of y'all.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 3: Y'all be kicking people in your goal boots.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: That's a crazy I know you do.
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 3: You get that kind of energy.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 1: I give the gold boot people energy. You're a cue,
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: am I I feel like you are. That's a crazy
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: first guest to get. Yeah, because no, because the q's
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: be hyped or the qus be hype But I'm in
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: O mega mans status speaking. Here we go nine people
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: throwing up half signals off camera, and I remember them.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 2: I'm like when we would be dancing, don't let that
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: whatever atomic dog you look you like girl move because
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 2: that boot was coming up with it.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 1: Like I would like to think that the brothers have
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: evolved to a place a big, much more measured manion.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 3: But no, I was.
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 1: It was fun times where you go.
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 3: I went to my first year. I went to Rutgers.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 3: So the q's was heavy.
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: Lord, yeah that is second d bruh.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 3: They was heavy yard kid. But you have to watch
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 3: because you be having a good time. Your girls have
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 3: to be like girl because they was.
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 1: Going Tomic Dog come on and the next thing you know,
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 1: it's it's legs in the air and everything. Shout out
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: to the brothers of Omega five, dancing responsibly, hopping responsibly,
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: and I hurting people. There are a lot of people
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: who right now, because we speaking kind of mid at
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: the high level, there are a lot of people right
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: now that don't know where their next penny is coming from.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: They don't know how they going to make it to
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: the next day. I've been there. You need to dumb broke,
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: and I always empathize with them. I want you to
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: kind of give them something to either look forward to
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: or just a jeweler wisdom or what the next step
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: is from a financial place, and I'll give it to
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: them from an emotional standpoint.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 2: Well, sometimes honestly, when you're like hanging on to your
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 2: last rope, you just got to tie a knot in
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 2: it hold on. So there were moments when I was
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 2: broke broke where I wasn't trying to get up, I
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 2: wasn't trying to and it's like, what can I do
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 2: to just not fall completely? And so one of the
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 2: first things you can do is look at your spending
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 2: and ask yourself, I might need to drop down to
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 2: blow a noodle budget. A noodle bus budget is if
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 2: I had to eat on the noodles. Basically, if I
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 2: had to get rid of any of the excess, I'm
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 2: gonna get my nails done, I get my haircut.
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 1: I'll do that myself.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 2: I'm just paying bills, you know. And that's a temporary
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 2: budget that you drop down to when things are tight.
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 2: Sometimes you can't even afford that. And I had to
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 2: drop down to my health and safety budget. That's if
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: some of these people aren't getting paid. These people who
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 2: are actually owe because I'm only going to take care
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: of the things that maintain my health and safety. There.
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 2: I have a place to live, yeah, and you know
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 2: I have food to eat. Hey, Horizon, I'm calling you
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: on the phone that I won't be able to pay
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: for it for a little while.
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm good for setting up a phone back in
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 1: the day, like, Hey, you're going to have it next month.
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know when I get it.
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 3: You get it. But the key with that is you
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 3: have to make the phone calls.
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 2: It's not easy, but you got to make the phone
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 2: calls for the people that you're going to be laid on,
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 2: and especially post pandemic, what has happened because during the
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: pandemic so many people are struggling. So so almost every
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 2: company has some sort of I ain't got it plan
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 2: because of the pandemic. So you could call and say, hey,
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 2: next month is looking like this, I just don't have it.
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 2: So what plan do you have in place?
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 3: What thing can I do? They can freeze you, they
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 3: can reduce this. You know what I mean? Ask I remember?
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, oh, so that's and it might just mean
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 2: that some people don't get paid and you don't pay
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 2: and you're late, and yes, your credit score will go down,
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 2: but credit scores are temporary, and I promise your credit
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 2: score is one of the easiest things. It's just tips
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 2: and tricks, you know, to raise your credit score again.
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 2: And I put them all and get go with the
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 2: money in my book. Right, So that's what I tell
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 2: those people, which is you have to get really real
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 2: and then once you tighten up in that place, then
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 2: you have to figure out how to make more.
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 3: What else can I monetize? Can I make more at
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 3: my current job?
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 2: Is there a raise I can ask for how do
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 2: I deliver such overwhelming value? They would have to hire
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 2: two people if I left. You know, is it a
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 2: new job I have to look for? I know new
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: jobs are not easy, but we just talked about one,
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 2: not one hundred. Because people will tell you like.
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 3: Oh, no one is hiring.
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 2: We're talking about one job for you, you know what
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 2: I mean? Like, have you told every single friend that
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 2: you're looking for a job? Does everyone know that?
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 3: Does your social media know? Just one job is what
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 3: we're looking for for you.
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 2: That's the thing, because people will be like, oh, I'm
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 2: never going to buy a house because everybody.
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 3: What's a good thing that I'm not everybody. I'm just
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 3: looking for one little old house for me.
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 2: I bought to last year. Don't tell me people ain't selling.
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 2: I bought two in off market and undervalue, you know
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 2: what I mean? Because I ask questions and I let
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 2: people know, Oh, if you have houses for sale and
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 2: you're in distress, go ahead and hit me up.
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 3: And they did, you know what I mean?
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 2: And so you want to take yourself out of the
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 2: pool of everybody and say just me, you know, what
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: are other ways that I can I can start to
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 2: make income for myself, even if it's babysitting or tutoring
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 2: or like, what is that that I can do? I
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 2: make dinner really great, I do hair really well. You know,
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 2: like a lot of people, especially now so many of
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: our parents are aging. You know, can you be like
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 2: a I saw people post on like a Craigslist Like
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 2: my mother. I get off at five, but between five
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: and seven, there's a gap when my mother's by herself.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 2: You know, I need a caretaker to make sure she
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 2: her food, to take her medicine. That could be you,
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean, And so like that's what
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 2: I would be focused or to be focused on cutting
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 2: back as far as possible. You know, even that means
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 2: some people don't get paid and I'm putting the rest
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: of my energy and figuring out how can I make
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 2: an extra two hundred three hundred dollars a month.
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Actually, I think my advice follows along those lines.
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 1: We talk a lot about thriving, but surviving and thriving
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 1: are two different muscles, and I think sometimes we get
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: so wrapped up in the idea of progressing that we
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 1: forget that the goal and to progress sometimes it's just
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 1: to maintain. And I think from an emotional standpoint, what'll
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: be really helpful is if you think about what you
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 1: need to maintain just in a moment. This ain't about
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: reaching your ideal or your higher self. I know social
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 1: media always talks about you deserve the most in life.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 1: You should do this to get the most. That's not
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 1: where you're at right now, and that's okay, that's okay.
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: I think one of the best things you could do
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 1: is be honest about where you you are in the moment, financially,
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 1: where you are in the moment, emotionally, where you are
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 1: in the moment energetically, and just honor that feeling, not
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: necessarily with judging it, with meeting it with some type
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 1: of distain like, oh I wish I could change this.
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't be here right now. I don't deserve to
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 1: be here. It's not about shuret to deserve. It's about
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 1: what actually is and what exists and what you can
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 1: reasonably do about it with the tools at your disposal.
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: So it's honor where you are right now and know
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: that we're the big crit Forever is a mighty long
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: time and you won't necessarily be there forever. But while
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 1: you're in this space, how can you make it so
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 1: that you can maintain and that you can hold on
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 1: it until you could do a little bit better. You know,
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 1: it doesn't feel good to eat noodles when you want
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 1: when you want lobster. It don't feel good to have
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: a hankering for something and not be able to go
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: out and do it. It don't feel good when you
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 1: gotta go to the one hundred and twenty five dollars
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 1: a week daycare where it's bullet holes and some of
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: the cars around there, but that's the only way where
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 1: your baby can go so that you can work. I've
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: been there. I've been to the joint where the lady
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: got carjacked the night for the day before, in cars
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 1: sitting on bricks, and me, I'm walking my baby to
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 1: that daycare because hey, that's all we got right now.
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: You maintain, You do what you can do until you
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: can do better. And it's not about self judgment or
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: self and management. It's about self maintenance and it's about survival.
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: And that's okay. I love that. Thank you, Yeah, nah,
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: thank you, Tiffany Elita. Let's clap it up with Tiffany Elita.
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 1: The budget me stuff, man, I need, Yeah, tell people
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: where they can find you, and all that this stuff
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: I see. I'm like, this is what we Doing's not
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 1: even tell when people do a lot of podcasts. Is
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: it time yet? Can I tell these people now? Please
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 1: tell them what to tell the people they can find.
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 2: He's done all the socials Instagram YouTube LinkedIn YouTube. I
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 2: said YouTube TikTok, although I don't TikTok much. And the
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 2: budget theesto dot com. And if you want to get
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 2: good with your money, you can get my.
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 1: Book Get Gosney Go with Money.
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 2: Right there at get goos Money dot com. And I'm
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 2: gonna walk you step by step. It's funny.
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 1: It is funny. It's a good book. It's not like
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 1: one of those straight up financial books that's going to
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: boil you to sleep. I've read it twice. It's a
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 1: really good book.
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 3: And I'm gonna walk you step by step. Honestly. What
• 1:17:08
  Speaker 3: I love about Get Go with Money.
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 2: I wrote it for two types of people, the person
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 2: that wants to read it all the way through and
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 2: the person that just wants to jump.
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 3: To the chapter that they want.
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so you can each chapter stands alone as
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 2: almost like a mini book, so you can finish all
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 2: of credit and get your credit together, or if you're like,
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 2: you know what, I want to read this as like
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 2: this collective where I work through things one at a time.
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 1: I thought the bulls gonna make me feel like shit,
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 1: Like he we go, I'm terrible with money. She about
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: to remind me. Not once, not at all, not at all.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: It is very reassured. Thank you, yeah, thank you for
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: I love you so much. I love you too. All right,
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 1: let's land this plain all right, y'a already landing gear
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: coming out. I don't know why I always use that reference,
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 1: but it's funny than me. So today we talked about
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: a lot. And I don't know where you are in
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 1: your mind and your heart and your financial journey. But
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 1: this conversation spanned from having a lot to having a little.
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: And wherever you fall on that gradient is where you fall.
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 1: It is not indicative of your worth. It is not
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 1: indicative of your value. None of that money is money.
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: You are not money. Money is something that you get.
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 1: Money is something that you procure. Money is not something
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 1: that you are. And I need you to never forget that.
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 1: One thing I love about inviting tiffany on is she
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 1: talks straight numbers. She's not a gatekeeper. She'll tell you.
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 1: Nobody's gonna tell you the May eight figures. No one's
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 1: gonna give up that information. No one's gonna try to
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 1: give you the game. But she's somebody who does that. Why,
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 1: it's just out of the pureness of her heart and
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 1: the brilliance of her mind. And I think whenever we
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 1: get an opportunity to be in a room with people
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 1: who will enjoyed that level of success, it's in combing
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 1: on us to pick their brains apart. And if we
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 1: can find a person that doesn't mind having they brain
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 1: picked apart, man, we just found goal because they don't
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 1: mind serving and we don't mind being served. I want
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 1: you to just take a moment and identify where you are.
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 1: What's your relationship with money, what's your how do you
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 1: feel about yourself when you don't have money, How do
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 1: you feel about yourself when you do have money? How
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 1: close are you to your personal ambitions? And how does
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 1: that make you feel about yourself? All these things are
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 1: very much so linked to who we are. How we
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 1: are and who we are and how we are is
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 1: always going to be linked to where we are and
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: where we're going ooh, that was that was a height
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: that came off the top. But this is this is
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: senthing you love, This is sending you patience, and this
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 1: is sending you future emotional, financial, wealth, wellness and success
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 1: for sure. Until next time. My name is care Gaines.
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 1: I'm your favorite therapist. Thank you for tuning in, Thank
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: you for your awareness. Y'all be good job all Doney.
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 1: Learn the Hard Way is a production of iHeart Podcasts.
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, care Gains. We're produced by Courtney Dean's
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 1: and Cason Alexander Ashley. J. Hobbs is our senior producer.
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 1: Our executive producers of Will Packer, Doctor Joey hard and Bradford,
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 1: Alex Balden and Carla Willmarris