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Mastering Your Boundaries · Just Be True ~ A Soul-Led Podcast

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Welcome to Just Be True, a soul -led podcast.
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I'm Summer and I am so grateful that you're here
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with me today. Today we're going to be talking
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about mastering your boundaries. So we've all
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Know the need to move beyond why boundaries are sacred
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and into how to actually implement them into
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real life Because knowing something doesn't always
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translate into living it So today we're going
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to talk about that If you've ever known you needed
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a boundary but struggled with holding that then
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this episode is for you I've spoken about boundaries
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in episodes 9 and about protecting your energy
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in episode 6. So this episode can provide additional
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clarity and practical actions that you can take
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to bring in that daily practice of boundaries
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into your life. So let's get started. Energetic
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boundaries aren't about becoming distant, cold
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or unavailable. They're about learning how to
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stay connected without losing yourself. For many
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sensitives empathic or intuitive people boundaries
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weren't modeled instead. We've had to learn them
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to what we've learned to overcome is being accommodating
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being available or being understanding of our
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own at our own expense. So when we begin setting
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boundaries, it can feel uncomfortable. Even that
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we are doing something wrong and those on the
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other side of your boundaries are going to be
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agitated, irritated, and even upset. That discomfort
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doesn't mean you're doing it incorrectly. It
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usually means you're doing something new and
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often many times right. So let's start with emotional
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boundaries. Emotional boundaries are about recognizing
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where your emotions end and someone else's begin.
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For many people, especially empath, caregivers,
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and those who learned early on to manage other
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people's emotions, this line is never clearly
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drawn. So we were taught that being loving meant
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being available, absorbing, and fixing. How many
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of you find yourself as the fixer of situations,
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right? Over time, that can blur the boundary
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between compassion and responsibility. A real
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-life example of this may look like you have
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a friend who calls you often and when they're
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overwhelmed, right? You listen, you support,
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you offer comfort, but when the call ends you
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feel drained, heavy, maybe even irritated. You
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may even notice that your mood has shifted for
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the rest of the day. Carrying the weight of someone
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else's problems often show up quietly. You replay
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their words in your mind over and over and over.
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You feel the tension in your body. You stay emotionally
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activated long after the conversations ended.
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That's not impact. That's over identification.
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An emotional boundary doesn't mean you stop caring.
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It means you stop carrying. C A R R Y I N G You're
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carrying the weight of others problems Instead
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of immediately trying to fix or absorb what they're
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feeling you might internally remind yourself
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This is their experience. I can witness it without
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taking it on This is being the role of an observer
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Being in the role of observer doesn't mean you're
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detached or indifferent. It means you're present
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without merging. You're not merging into their
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energy. You're not merging into their problems.
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You're gonna witness it and you're gonna observe
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it from a safe healthy distance. You can witness
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someone's pain without stepping into it. You
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can acknowledge their experience without making
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it your own Outwardly it may sound something
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like I hear you that sounds really hard You know
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or I get what you're going through I'm certain
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Things will turn better for you Notice what's
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missing there. You're not fixing it. You're not
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sobbing it You're not rescuing it. You're present
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without overextending. You're not saying well
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how can I help you? What do you need from me
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to get through this moment? When you say words
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like that you're stepping into that and you're
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crossing that healthy boundary. Right? This is
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often where a lot of times when we don't say
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those things this is where the guilt shows up
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and you may say well if i don't fix this i'm
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being unkind if i don't fix this i'm not carrying
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enough but fixing isn't always kindness sometimes
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the way of managing our own discomfort was someone
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else's emotions So you may find yourself wanting
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to fix something because you're uncomfortable
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with the emotions that it brings up within you.
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But it's not your problem to fix. It's theirs.
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So learning to be the observer. I'm going to
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say your body will often tell you when your emotional
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boundary is needed. Tightness in this chest,
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shallow breathing, the irritation. Those are
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signals. They're not flaws. Your body is not
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betraying you is communicating with you Those
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sensations are early warnings asking for care
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not correction When you listen to them you prevent
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resentment from building up later If you notice
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yourself holding your breath Leaning forward
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energetically or tightening your body while someone
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is sharing That's often a sign that you've crossed
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from witnessing into carrying. Carrying, right?
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We're not going to carry anymore. Compassion
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allows space. Responsibility takes ownership.
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Emotional boundaries help you stay compassion
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without slipping into responsibility of emotions
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that are not yours to resolve. emotional boundaries
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don't make you less loving they make you more
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love sustainable so just sit with that for a
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moment right the next boundary we're gonna talk
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about is time boundaries mmm gotta love those
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Time boundaries are about recognizing that your
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time is also energy in motion. How you spend
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it directly impacts how you feel, how you show
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up and how much of yourself you have given. I've
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had moments in my life where I said yes even
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though everything in my body was asking for me
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to rest. I told myself it would be fine that
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I could push through that I didn't want to disappoint
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others and in those moments I wasn't checking
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in with my own energy I was not honoring my own
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personal needs I was prioritizing expectations
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of others over my own truth what I noticed was
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that even when the situation itself wasn't bad
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I would leave feeling drained disconnected or
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frustrated not because of the other person not
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because of who I was around but because I ignored
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what I already knew I already knew that I needed
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rest and permission to say no I have learned
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over the years that it is perfectly fine to say
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no. You're not less thought of, you're not less
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loved, you're not less cared for. No is a healthy
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boundaries for you to set time out for yourself
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to say no. I need time for myself. so often times
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time boundaries reveal themselves slowly right
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they're going to build themselves up with exhaustion
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and tired they're not going to show up as emergencies
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they show up as quiet signals we learn to override
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not loudly not quietly but through exhaustion
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resentment or a sense of being stretched too
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thin Tying boundaries begin when you trust yourself
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enough to pause before responding And you may
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ask yourself do I really have the capacity to
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do this right now? Making valuable time for yourself
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is not something that happens Easily Right it's
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learning to be able to take care of yourself
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and to manage your own personal time is something
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you intentionally protect. For me that has looked
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something like rest over obligation, creating
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space in my schedule where it's filled with productivity
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and allowing moments of quiet without feeling
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like I need to justify them. Time boundaries
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sound like that doesn't work for me or I'm not
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available at that time or I'm not available right
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now I need to honor my energy today so I'm just
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gonna chillax I have you know a couple of days
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of the month that I use as tub time oh I love
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my tub time I set up a nice little heater in
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the bathroom I like it nice and warm. It's kind
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of like our spa, right? I have a really long
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tub. It's like six feet long and it's a jet tub.
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It's got you know jets in it and so I have that
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and I fill it with Epsom salt with eucalyptus
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in it. I may throw some rosemary oil in there
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as well. I might even get in the mood to light
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some candles and I get in there and I just enjoy
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being in the bath and soaking in that water.
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That's my time. I don't have my phone with me.
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I'm cut off from the rest of the world and I
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am truly enjoying and connecting with that time.
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and when I've learned that it's okay and even
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necessary to say no or step away from situations
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that no longer feel healthy there have been times
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where I've left early declined an invitation
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or changed my mind when I felt uncomfortable
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but you know and I've just had to leave I'm like
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you know this isn't for me I need to go now this
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is too overwhelming This is too tiring. This
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is too much. It's perfectly okay to leave because
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many times staying would have meant abandoning
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myself or even you know abandoning yourself.
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When you honor your time you're not taking anything
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away from others. You're returning something
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to yourself and when you make space for yourself,
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you create room to breathe, recalibrate, and
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show up with presence, rather than running on
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empty. Those moments of rest aren't rewards,
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they're maintenance for your nervous system and
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your energy. So honor those moments of rest,
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embrace them and intentionally take time out
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of your schedule. to recalibrate, to re -energize,
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to rest and relax. You'll be thankful for it
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when you do. So our next boundary we're going
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to talk about, digital boundaries. Oh, today
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with social media. Let me tell you, digital boundaries
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are extremely important because access to you
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is still access. A real -life example of a digital
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boundary may be that you check your phone first
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thing in the morning and immediately feel behind,
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overwhelmed or emotionally activated before you've
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even had a chance to ground yourself. Your energy
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is already responding to the outside world before
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you've even checked in with yourself. Or maybe
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you feel pressure to respond to messages right
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away. Even when you're resting, spending time
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with loved ones are doing something that brings
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joy to you. Set the digital devices aside. Make
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time for those important moments. Digital boundaries
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are not about choosing when and how others have
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access to you. So your nervous system isn't constantly
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in a state of reaction. Digital boundaries might
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look like turning off non -essential notifications.
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Choosing intentional times to check messages
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and emails. Protecting your mornings and evenings
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from outside input. I love this one. turning
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off read receipts so you don't feel pressure
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to respond immediately and allowing yourself
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to enjoy time without your phone in your hand.
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When we give ourselves permission to step away
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from our devices even briefly we create space
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to be fully present time spent resting creating
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walking simply being. It doesn't need to be interrupted
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or multitasking. Presence is a form of self -care.
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Delaying a response doesn't mean you don't care.
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It means you're responding with the space of
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readiness instead of urgency. And there's an
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important difference there. Being reachable does
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not mean being available at all times. You are
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allowed to protect your focus, your peace, and
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your energy as you need to. You are not at anyone
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else's beck and call. Digital boundaries aren't
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about disconnecting from others. They're about
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reconnecting with yourself first. So I want to
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offer a simple challenge to carry with you for
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this next week. Choose one attentional moment
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and each day to put your device down and step
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fully into the present moment. It doesn't have
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to be long. It may even be like 10 minutes without
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your phone in the morning or a walk where your
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phone stays in your pocket. eating a meal without
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scrolling or sitting quietly without reaching
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for the screen. If I go out to dinner with family
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and friends, my phone is not at the table. It
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is in my purse. It is not pulled out for any
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reason. When I go for a walk, my phone is with
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me in case of emergencies but only for emergencies
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only. I'm not scrolling, I'm not texting, and
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I'm not calling. I'm not even accepting calls.
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My walk in nature is my walk in nature. Right?
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I meditate each morning before I go to work.
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My phone is used as a timer only so I can stop
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my meditation so I can get out of the door on
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time But that's the only thing I use it for otherwise
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this on sleep mode So I intentionally take time
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out of my day to where my phone is not a priority
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and it's not in use and So if you're just starting
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this out, you know, you may feel kind of unsettling
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It may feel strange. Pay attention to what you're
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feeling and connect with it and see why you're
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feeling that way. Right? So you may feel your
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body tensing up. Right? Or you may feel that
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you're being pulled in multiple directions of
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trying to be present and be in the moment without
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your phone but wanting to reach for your phone
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right so pay attention to that pay attention
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to why that's happening right what shifts is
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when you give your full attention to that moment
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if your mind reaches for the device out of habit
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that's okay this isn't about discipline or perfection
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it's about awareness and choice You may notice
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that time feels slower, that your breath deepens,
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that you feel more grounded and more present,
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maybe even more connected. This challenge isn't
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about cutting yourself off from the world. It's
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about giving yourself moments to return to yourself.
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And as you practice this You may find that you're
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not creating less time in your day but more spaciousness
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within your day. You know so this is the part
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that I didn't talk about enough. Holding the
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boundary with awareness and care. When you begin
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honoring yourself in new ways emotions may surface
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you might feel guilt you may feel pushback from
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others old habits and familiar patterns may try
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to reassert themselves this doesn't mean that
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the boundary is wrong it means you're paying
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attention to it holding a boundary is a mindful
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practice it asks you to slow down and notice
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what you're feeling and respond with intention
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rather than reflex often the moment you hold
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a boundary is the moment you become aware of
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how often you've crossed your own in the past
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how many times have you crossed one of these
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healthy boundaries in the past right your body
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is waking up and you're becoming more aware of
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that you're becoming more mindful of that. This
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is where self -appreciation comes in. Acknowledge
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the courage it takes to choose yourself differently.
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Recognize that honoring your own needs is not
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something to rush through. It's something to
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respect. You don't need to defend your boundary.
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You don't need to explain it repeatedly. Clarity
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consistency and compassion especially towards
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yourself are enough. Each time you hold a boundary
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with mindfulness and self -love you reinforce
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the message that your energy matters and over
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time that practice becomes less about effort
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and more about trust. boundaries are not walls
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they are invitations to meet you with respect
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honesty and presence each time you honor your
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own energy you strengthen your relationship with
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yourself and from that grounded place everything
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else begins to shift how you show up how you
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connect how you move through the world So love
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yourself, honor your boundaries, and practice
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them daily with mindfulness, self -love, and
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reflection. If this conversation resonated with
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you, I'd like to continue exploring practices
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like this. I invite you to stay connected. I
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share reflections, real life experiences, and
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grounded guidance. beyond this podcast through
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my newsletter. A space where we show things differently.
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We go a little deeper together and we learn and
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explore more. You can also visit my website just
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-be -true to explore more offerings and resources.
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and ways to support your journey. I will have
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links of both of these in the show notes so I
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encourage you to check them out. I'll say thank
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you for being here thank you for choosing yourself
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and until next time be gentle be honest and just
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be true.