Latest / DA CREW Podcast / DA CREW PODCAST SEASON 1_ EPISODE #144_ PRISON WIVES & GIRLFRIENDS WITH QUEEN ANGELA

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DA CREW PODCAST SEASON 1_ EPISODE #144_ PRISON WIVES & GIRLFRIENDS WITH QUEEN ANGELA · DA CREW Podcast

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twenty twenty by Queen Angela Get featured. Hello, Hello, Hello, and
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welcome to another episode of the Crew podcast. Welcome to Prison Wives and Girlfriends.
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I am your hosts, Queen Angela. For those that do not know
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me across these social media platforms, I'm officially known as the Queen of Collaborations
2:21
by my name is Angela Thomas Smith. I am the visionary behind the Crew
2:25
podcast, Aspiring Authice Magazine, and AA LAC and my whole desire is to
2:31
be the change that I desire to see in this world. So I am
2:38
excited about this new show, Prison Wives and Girlfriends. We're gonna give those
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that have individuals behind prison wall and opportunity to share what that journey is like,
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to share whatever is laid on their hearts to share. So I'm excited.
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I'm I'm excited. I'm excited. If you would please share this in
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your circle of influence. On tonight, I'm gonna bring my first guests up
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and allow her to introduce usself. Hi. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome,
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How are you, I'm good? How are you? I'm great? I
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can't complain's well. My name is Alexis Simone. I'm twenty five years old.
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My husband has been incarcerated in the State of Georgia since twenty and seventeen.
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We recently just celebrated one year of marriage on October the ninth, and
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we've been together since we were fourteen and thirteen. Wow, that's a long
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time. If you would, I want you to share your perspective, whatever
3:54
you want us to know about your relationship and just different things. How is
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it being a wife to someone that is incarcerated. I've heard people say that
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sometimes they feel like they're doing time too. So if you would share what
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that journey is like for you. Okay, so pretty much being with someone
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that's incarcerated, it's not what they make it look like on TV. I
4:29
actually hate the show Love After lock Up, Love During the lock Up,
4:31
Love Through lock Up because it's not as you know, fun and games as
4:36
they make it uppear. Some days, we as spouses, we have mental
4:41
battles because you know, it's a lot of things that we wish our husbands
4:46
were here to do for us. For instance, I recently moved to a
4:48
new city, and you know, it just makes me appreciate him more because
4:53
it's a lot of things that you know, it was just hard for me
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to do, you know, just being by myself. And then we can
5:00
also talk about the career struggles that come with it. Based on my sweatshirt,
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don't know if you guys can see it, but I did attend college.
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I actually work in the justice system as a probation officer, and I
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kind of feel like, you know, it's a certain level that I cannot
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move up to because I am married to an incarcerated person, a convicted felon.
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So I feel like I'm being punished for my husband's crimes. That's how
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he feels. He even went as far as to saying, Babe, you
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know, if we can get a divorce so that you can move up in
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your career, I would be okay with that. But you know, this
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is the sacrifice that that we take, you know, falling in love with
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someone behind bars. You can't help who you fall in love with. And
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I love my husband to death. I would do it all over again.
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Wow. I know a lot of people are wondering. I know a lot
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of people I am too, semi in that situation. I met a guy
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and he actually asked me to marry him. He's incarcerated. He's actually been
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incarcerated for a while. I did not know him outside when he was outside.
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He's actually in a whole nother state. I actually met him while he
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was incarcerated doing just what I'm doing now, interviewing and sharing people's story.
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Heard his story, and we just began commersating and just commersatan and having conversations
6:43
he every day, and we just built a relationship. So what has this
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journey? I know you say y'all have been together since y'all were young.
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What made you decide that, Okay, I'm gonna this is gonna be it,
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this is the person that I love, I'm gonna be here regards,
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so let's get in to the t you said, yes, let's get into
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the tea. So me and my husband, even though we did date when
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we were younger, we actually did take a break. He had a child
7:17
with someone else, so we were pretty much in that on and off stage.
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We rekindled probably like three or four years ago, and we decided,
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you know, hey, we can't see our lives without each other. He
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was incarcerated at the time, so it kind of was just I can't.
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I can't see myself without him. Like he was the first boyfriend I've ever
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had, you know, a little tea am I, but he was,
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you know, my first sexual experience. I just did a lot of first
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with him, and I wanted to continue to doing a lot of those first.
7:53
He was with me through a lot of my traumatic experiences while we were
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on a break, I was in a domestic byolence relationship. He was there
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for me through that. He's just my best friend, you know, like
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he's the person I could tell everything to. I feel comfortable with him.
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I trust him with my secrets, my thoughts, my emotions, and a
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lot of people. You know, usually if they don't know me, they
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say I come off hard. With him, I can let that wall down,
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like he's my safe space. Me and his family were very close,
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even though he did have a child outside of our relationship. I'm an amazing
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step mother to my step son. His child's mother lets me get him,
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you know, spend time and build that bond. So it's just that's that's
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my family. So even if, you know, if we weren't to be
8:41
together, like married, we would still be in each other's life. Some
8:45
kind of way. We never really stopped dealing with each other. It was
8:48
just always He's always the person that I would go back to. As far
8:52
as getting married while he was incarcerated, he actually proposed to me on April
8:58
the twenty fifth of twenty twenty two. He did it via video. That
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was the most ghettoest proposal ever, but I thought it was so romantic.
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But he proposed to me on video, got down on one need, did
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the whole shebang, And that was the part that was a little hectic for
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me. I was very scared to marry him while he was incarcerated. We
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did marriage through proxy because Georgia does not allow prison marriages at this time.
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So I just kind of had to look at it and say, hey,
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am I willing to sacrifice everything that I built for this one person if worlds
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were reversed? Would he do it for me? And the answer to that
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was yes. So that's why it was an easy It was an easy decision
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for me to make to marry my husband. Wow, So, how how
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does your family in France feel? I know you said that you were close
9:52
to his family? How do your family in France? So people when I
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say this, but I'm actually a third generation prison wife, and I just
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knew I was gonna be the one to break the cycle. So when I
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say that my grandmother, she's well educated, just like I am. She
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used to work for the district Attorney's office in our local area. My grandfather
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actually served time. He served I believe twelve years, fifteen years, I'm
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sure, I'm not sure. But she was with him through that whole time
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while still rising in her career. Same thing with my mom. She's an
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educator. My father served time, he served almost I want to say,
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eight years in prison. She was there the whole time, even though they
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did not end up being together in the long run, I saw what that
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is supposed to look like, you know, making sure you're there for him
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on his worst days mentally, because we don't know what they go through.
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And there and then you have me. At first, they were a little
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hesitant about us getting married. They were excited about the proposal, but they
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did not want us to get married. They wanted us to wait until he
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came home. He comes home in twenty twenty seven, so they wanted us
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to wait until that time. So when we got married, that's when everything
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came out about how they really felt they wish we waited. They wish that
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we didn't rush into it. Like I said, we got engaged on April
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twenty fifth, twenty twenty two, and we got married on October the sixth,
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not ninth. October sixth of twenty twenty two. So it was I'm
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still learning day by day. They throw hints every now and then of you
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know, ways that we can communicate better, because that is the biggest issue
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with me and my husband right now. He feels like he's not getting enough
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time. But you know, I have to still maintain the household out here
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because I'm doing the part of two because you are where you are so wow,
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and how is that even to man both ends of the fourth That is
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very stressful. I'm a probation offic serve. I also have another job.
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It's another government job that I do part time. Is tiring. It's very
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tiring. I'm trying to manage, you know, getting on the road and
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going to see him. He was four hours away from me, now he's
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three hours away. I did move a little closer, but not that much.
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You know. I also still have a social life. I am a
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part of a social organization. I e. A sorority, for example,
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just trying to make sure I maintain my sanity while making sure that you know,
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he knows that he's appreciated. He's the priority, and you know,
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I still have to be a wife. Even though my husband physically isn't here.
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I have to make sure he's okay, Like I have to make sure
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that I'm taking care of the household and doing my part as his wife.
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He's helped me. So it's just it's a learning experience. Like I can't
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even describe it, but I mean, as you can see, every time
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I talk about it, I start smiling because I would do it all over
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again. As long as it's with my husband, I would do it all
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over again. I wouldn't hesitate. You know, he understands the sacrifices.
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I understand the sacrifices that he makes. He understands the sacrifices that I make.
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Ad Vice versa. We work as a team, even when it comes
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to coparenting with his child. I don't do anything without my husband knowing.
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He knows everything. I feel like that's the best advice I can give someone.
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Do not lie to someone that you have behind bars, because they already
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have a million and one things running in their head. The last thing they
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need to be worried about is what their significant other is doing or what somebody
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who you know took a covenant before God is doing behind their back. Everything
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should be known, Everything should be known. That's the best advice I could
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give to somebody who recently got married to somebody that's incarcerated, or anybody that's
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dealing with somebody incarcerated. Do not lie to them. Don't lie. What
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are your visits like my visits? Okay, so our visits in Georgia.
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We get to our visits, we can only touch in the beginning and in
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the end, and then we sit across from each other with the table in
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between. The ride up there, that's a long ride, and I usually
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go up there and come back home the same day. I haven't been doing
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that much lately. I've been staying in a hotel and then coming back just
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for my safety because I don't want to fall asleep on the road or anything
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like that. The process getting into the prison, I definitely feel like they
14:50
need to work on that more and kind of make it a little more to
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where it's not so I understand it's prison, but not so strict, like
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you you know, it's spent times when I took you know, his son
15:03
or whatever to go see him, and they don't allow the kids to like
15:05
sit on their fathers that long. That really bothers me because it's like,
15:09
you know, prior to me and my husband getting married and me and his
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child's mother forming that relationship, he hasn't seen his son since his son was
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three months. So when he went away to prison, his son was three
15:20
months. His son is six seven now, so that's a long time.
15:26
So like when they first saw each other, after all that time, I
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felt like the guards should have let up a little bit. They kind of
15:33
knew the situation. Also, many times when my husband he's lost family members
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and I've had to do you know, grief visits, they're still strict on
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those. And I'm just like, you know, even though they're locked up,
15:45
they're still people. They have feelings. They can't go home or go
15:48
to the funerals to see their loved ones. Like let up a little bit,
15:52
like what if it was you You get what I'm saying. Like,
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I just feel like sometimes they forget that they are humans and that they do
16:00
have feelings. That's I feel like that's one of the biggest things that they
16:06
need to work on. But all the love E W stuff is good.
16:08
But I do feel like, as somebody who knows the criminal justice system from
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a logical standpoint and from you know, like a book standpoint, it is
16:18
a lot of corners that the State of Georgia cuts, specifically that they do
16:22
need to fix immediately. So wow, And I can only imagine if you
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say Georgia is needing to fix some things. I hate to talk about Texas
16:40
because they are they are terrible. Do Georgia offer like a I forget what
16:51
they call it. I know in New York you can have you can actually,
16:57
if you're married, you can have a overnight visit. They have like
17:02
a facility that you can go to. You can go I think they check
17:07
in on Friday and then they check out on Sunday. It's like mobile homes
17:11
or something, but it's right there on the prison property. And they get
17:15
to do that like every three to four months. But you have to be
17:19
married for a certain amount of time. You get to bring food, you
17:25
get to do all types of stuff, like you can bring your favorite DVDs.
17:30
They have a DVD player only thing you can't have is a cell phone.
17:36
I mean, it would be nice if you get that, but they
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don't do that. I wish they did, but they don't do that,
17:42
And I don't understand why. I feel like that should be something that's in
17:47
all fifty states. Like I can say, after me and my husband got
17:51
married, they did allow us to embrace each other longer, because you know,
17:56
when the guards start seeing you, they you know, I'm not gonna
17:57
say they become family, but they become more familiar with you. So,
18:00
you know, like I told them before we went in, I was like,
18:03
you know, hey, be and you know me and babe we got
18:04
married, and you know, I let them know that, and they,
18:07
you know, they kind of let us embrace a little longer. But other
18:11
than that, M no, like he can't hold me below my waist,
18:15
he can't do anything that they would, you know, like it's just a
18:21
kissing done. And then if we do too much with the kiss, they
18:23
always give us a warning and let us know. But if you do way
18:26
too much, they usually don't let you come for like the next two visits
18:30
or something like that. But it's like those two hours that's all we have
18:33
with our loved one until the next weekend, but I do Like in Georgia,
18:37
we can't go every weekend. I know some states don't allow you to
18:41
go every weekend or every day, but we could go every time they have
18:44
visits available, we can go, so and do are y'all allowed video visits?
18:55
We're allowed video visits but majority of yes, we are allowed to have
19:00
video visits. But majority of the prisons in the state of Georgia they have
19:04
a broken kiosk, So even though that's available to us, they're not able
19:08
to do it because the equipment is broken. Like at my husband's prison,
19:11
the equipment is broken, so we couldn't do a video visit if we wanted
19:15
to. Wow. Yeah, So what advice would you give someone that is
19:29
possibly considering marrying their low one that's in prison. What advice would you give
19:34
to them? I would say pretty much, do what Medea said in that
19:41
play one time. Write down all of your cons on one side right now,
19:45
all of your pros on one side. If you're able to live with
19:51
your cons and still benefit from your pros, then do it. But if
19:56
you're going to be sacrificing too much and you know you're going to have resentment
19:59
towards you, partner, don't do it because a lot of people when they
20:03
hear, oh, you know, you'll always only just be a probation officer,
20:07
like I'll never be able to move up to anything else. I'm okay
20:10
with that. I'm okay with that. I have a successful business, I
20:12
have a healthy husband, a healthy marriage, and my life is good.
20:17
I'm okay with that. So I'm not gonna have any resentment towards my husband
20:21
because hey, you're the reason why I can't move up in this world.
20:23
Like I would never I wouldn't say that to him because it's like, but
20:30
that, but that I still feel like that shouldn't because your husband made a
20:41
mistake or had an offense or whatever the situation may be, it shouldn't not
20:47
have anything to do with you. I feel like that too. But I
20:52
mean it's like I felt like at first, I was like, Okay,
20:55
I'm being punished for who I love like that, And then how I found
21:00
out that I wasn't able to move up. I went to go get like
21:03
a county badge, which is required for like all law enforcement personnel in the
21:07
county that we live in. And when I went to the jail. They
21:11
were like, you visited someone here. I said, yes, my husband
21:15
was here for a little bit before he was transported to prison. So they
21:18
went based on the visitation log. Yeah, they went based on the visitation
21:23
log at the local county jail. And they informed my employer that, you
21:30
know, I had a relationship with a former inmate there, and that the
21:33
inmate was still incarcerated and it's currently incarcerated with Georgia Department of Corrections. And
21:41
that's how I found out I cannot move up any further than what I am.
21:45
So I didn't even know prior to and we actually had just got our
21:51
marriage license, so we had time to back out. That's why my husband
21:56
was like, you know, if you don't want to go through it,
21:56
it, we don't have to. And I was like, no, we're
22:00
going through this, like I'd have been through so much stuff with you,
22:03
Like the last name gotta be the same this. I feel discrimination. It
22:07
is, I it is, but I didn't lose my job behind it.
22:14
So that's why, Like when I went to I think I went to the
22:18
Equal Opportunity Office, they said I really didn't have a case because I didn't
22:22
lose my job behind it. So yeah, so I just I just left
22:27
it alone, Like, yeah, it is crazy, but it's it's a
22:32
sacrifice. It's a sacrifice, so I would do it all over again.
22:37
Wow. Yeah, So you said he will be home in twenty twenty seventy,
22:45
twenty twenty seven, twenty seven. Oh okay, yeah, okay,
22:49
Well that's not too far away. No, it's not too far We did
22:53
most of it. I mean, he was facing sixty years at age twenty
22:59
one. They gave him a thirty year sentence. He has to serve ten
23:03
years, probation ten years, and then they suspended ten years. So you
23:08
know, when you look at it, these little ten years that he doing
23:11
now, he could have had sixty and he's doing ten. So I'll take
23:17
it, like I'll take it. By the time he come home, my
23:19
husband will be twenty nine years old. So I'll take it. He still
23:23
has life, he still have yeah, and he still have a whole life
23:30
ahead of him, because that's still that's still young. Because I'm looking at
23:33
a lot of these people in the state of Texas. They've given these guys
23:38
ninety nine years, one hundred and fifty years, they've given them all types
23:44
of crazy years. They don't want them to see They don't want them to
23:48
see outside again. Now, yeah, what they would have done in Texas,
23:55
they would have they would have fired. They probably would have fired you.
24:02
Yeah, in the state of the have fired you. I'm moved or
24:07
either moved the guy because I think I've talked to a inmate in Texas that
24:15
he had a relationship with one of the the the officers and actually had a
24:23
child by one of the officers. Yeah, okay, and I think they
24:33
ended up firing her. She ended up getting fired. But again, what
24:40
would you like to share any advice you would like to to share with the
24:42
audience tonight or anything you would like to share with them. Mm hmmm uh.
24:49
Last last bit of advice that I'm learning that Yeah, So the last
24:56
bit of advice that I'm learning is anybody that is assuming a prison relationship,
25:03
whether you're a male or female, make sure that you find your tribe.
25:07
Join some of the Facebook groups, even though some of them they do have
25:11
chaos and drama. I actually met six ladies that I'm very close to that
25:17
I talk to almost every day. We're in different states, we make sure
25:21
we check on each other. I don't have any kids, So I call
25:23
myself the rich auntie of the group. But all of them have kids.
25:26
I make sure I check on them, tell them happy birthday. You know,
25:30
just somebody that can understand you, because even though you know they glamorize
25:36
this lifestyle on TV, it's hard. It's really hard. And when I
25:41
started this process of being with my husband or whatever, I was in college
25:45
and I was nineteen years old. I'm twenty five, so you know,
25:49
it's a lot. It takes a lot on you mentally, it takes a
25:52
lot on you physically sometimes sometimes you're just emotionally drained. Also, when you're
25:59
in this situation, make sure you take care of you, because you cannot
26:03
take care of anybody if you erect yourself. I see a lot of people
26:08
in the prison life groups who make sure they go broke behind the man.
26:12
My man will not allow that. You can't. You can't do that.
26:17
You cannot nothing plus nothing equals nothing. You got to make sure you take
26:21
care of yourself so that you can take care of that man or that woman
26:26
or whoever you're trying to take care of. You got to make sure you
26:29
take care of you, so you got to be at one hundred percent,
26:30
so that they could be at one hundred percent and that's it. Wow.
26:40
Wow. So I know a lot of self care come in and play with
26:47
dealing with someone behind prison. I know it's a mental strain. So I
26:52
know a lot of self care comes in play. So how do you what's
26:56
one of your favorite self care things. I love getting my nails and my
27:00
toes done. I love that. That is so relaxing. And my husband
27:06
knows that. When I'm in the nel salon, do not call me.
27:08
Do not call me at all. That's my me time. I don't want
27:14
any interruptions. I don't even want to hear a baby. I don't want
27:17
to hear I love you. I don't want to hear nothing that. I
27:18
just want to love myself that day. So no nel salon, anything that
27:25
has to do with like pampering or grooming myself. That's what I'd rather do.
27:27
That's how I deal with my time. And you mentioned you had a
27:37
side business. If you would, I would like for you to share a
27:42
little bit about your business so that we can support. Okay, so my
27:49
side business, I actually have two. So I started my husband one while
27:53
he's incarcerated. It's called motion mindset. We sell inspirational T shirt, joggers
28:02
and sportswear for people in our situation, and they pretty much motivate people to
28:10
keep a motion mindset. And when we say that means always keep moving no
28:12
matter what, so we sell those. Those are on TikTok shop right now.
28:21
We're actually doing a mini revamp, so the website will be up right
28:23
before Black Friday and then the business that I run. I am a freelance
28:29
graphic designer. My business is called The Boss Shop LLC. We are located
28:33
out of Georgia. We actually won Best of Georgia two years in a row
28:38
for a graphic design. So I do websites, logos, I do photoshop
28:44
any type of images. A lot of women come to me to merge their
28:48
images with their loved ones if they never met them. So I do recreate
28:52
images. And you know, I like educating people on business practices, so
28:57
that's what I do in my spare time. So I have a busy schedule.
29:02
God is number one, my husband knows he's second, and then I
29:03
deal with everything else after. I mean, that's the best way to be.
29:11
I mean, you are on track, and I thank you for stopping
29:15
by and sharing with us on tonight. How can he follow you to connect
29:23
with your business? How can they follow you? Oh and I just started
29:27
another business, so I'm sorry. So I also manage artists like rappers and
29:32
stuff like that. My husband, he raps. All of his music is
29:34
released from prison and so he's on Apple Music, iTunes, Amazon Music,
29:38
He's on everything. I also have five other artists that I manage. So
29:42
if you guys want to tap in with me, my Instagram page for my
29:48
business is boss Shop Graphics and Graphics its spelled g f X. And then
29:55
my personal Instagram that you can follow me on. It's a business page two,
29:59
but it it's real r e A L dot lectury so l e x
30:04
X you r y well. I want to thank you for stopping by,
30:11
and I want you to know that you're always welcome to stop by and chat
30:17
with me week your live every fourth Monday of the month. So if you
30:22
want to stop in and share, you're more than welcome to stop in and
30:27
share and in anything. I just want to be a platform for those prison
30:33
wives and girlfriends to be able to share what's on their minds. Yeah,
30:37
not always a generalized topic. It's always whatever you want to talk about.
30:42
Again, thank you for stopping by. And I'm always in and out of
30:48
Georgia, so hey, we might have to connect. I'm open to that
30:56
fast. I will be in Georgia and November. Okay, I'll see you
31:03
then, yes, ma'am. Well, thank you for popping in. I
31:07
am box you my number so we can stay connected. You have a great
31:12
night, and again, thank you so much for dropping by and sharing with
31:17
us for tonight. Good night, thank good night, and I want to
31:21
thank everyone that has tuned in. I want you to make sure that you
31:25
go over and support my guests on tonight. Y'all be blessed. Tune in
31:33
tomorrow night, y'all. We have shows for the next ten nights, so
31:37
make sure that you are tuned in at eight pm Eastern Center Time. I
31:41
am the Queen of Collaborations and I love you guys, and thank thank you
31:45
for supporting the Crew podcast. Y'all have a blessed night.