Latest / We Talk Back / Ep. 2 "No Church in the Wild"

Transcript

Ep. 2 "No Church in the Wild" · We Talk Back

0:00
Speaker 1: Talk. We're just too unapologetically black women with an opinion
0:06
Speaker 1: who talks back. Hey, everybody's Tavan and it's a j
0:13
Speaker 1: and we talk back on the Black Effect podcast Network
0:18
Speaker 1: on I HI Radio. We are happy to have y'all
0:21
Speaker 1: back listening to us, and we got some crazy ship
0:24
Speaker 1: to talk about. The day, I text Tam and told
0:27
Speaker 1: her that our new episode, our next episode should be
0:30
Speaker 1: on open relationships, and that's based on some of the
0:33
Speaker 1: things that I've been experiencing in my monogamous relationship. Well
0:38
Speaker 1: it's so crazy because I was in a lift on
0:42
Speaker 1: the way to see this nigger, right, and he might
0:46
Speaker 1: have been somebody else's bigga. I don't know. But anyway,
0:49
Speaker 1: that's besides the part. I was talking to my lift
0:52
Speaker 1: driver and we got to chopping it up and we
0:54
Speaker 1: were talking about manifesting the things that you want your
0:57
Speaker 1: life and energy, and he was like so dope. So
1:00
Speaker 1: like I took his card and I went on with life.
1:03
Speaker 1: That night, I started doing drugs and drinking and then
1:05
Speaker 1: I just kept on, you know. And then later in
1:08
Speaker 1: that week, I was talking with my sister and I
1:11
Speaker 1: was trying to encourage her about what she thought about
1:14
Speaker 1: and how she needed to focus her energy on goodness
1:17
Speaker 1: and and then I went in my purse. It was
1:19
Speaker 1: this gentleman's car. I think it's it like a healer
1:22
Speaker 1: or spiritual guy. So long story short, we got together
1:26
Speaker 1: and we talked about spirituality and his practices to manifest
1:30
Speaker 1: good things in his life. And then I get a
1:32
Speaker 1: text message from a j and she's like, let's talk
1:35
Speaker 1: about open relationship and long behold my guests dealing Lane today.
1:41
Speaker 1: Hello everybody he's in and then open relationship at an
1:45
Speaker 1: open marriage and I was like, ship, you gotta come
1:47
Speaker 1: and tell us about it. And we didn't even know
1:50
Speaker 1: that at the point. So when we met in the left,
1:52
Speaker 1: we were talking about like love and gratitude and manifesting
1:55
Speaker 1: that through the practice. That's what Tammy was asking about
1:58
Speaker 1: was what is your this? Why? And then why do
2:01
Speaker 1: you do the prep? She didn't even ask why. She
2:02
Speaker 1: was interested in what the practice was. So then when
2:05
Speaker 1: we got together, that's when I gave her the background
2:07
Speaker 1: and why I do the love and gratitude practice that
2:09
Speaker 1: I do. And then through our conversation when we met
2:12
Speaker 1: about the spirituality and the manifesting, then she said that
2:16
Speaker 1: she had a podcast and that the topic was going
2:18
Speaker 1: to be our open relationships in an open marriage. We
2:21
Speaker 1: didn't know that at crazy. It happened when we to
2:25
Speaker 1: talk about manifesting. So it was just like the light
2:28
Speaker 1: bulbs were going off. Hold on, before we get into
2:30
Speaker 1: anything else, let's pay some bills real quick. So Dylan
2:37
Speaker 1: is in an open marriage? Has it? Did it start
2:40
Speaker 1: out open? So this is what this is what happened,
2:42
Speaker 1: and this is what was so important was I was
2:44
Speaker 1: meeting new people because I was in a new city.
2:46
Speaker 1: I was on Tinder, so I was talking to It
2:48
Speaker 1: was a couple of girls at the time, and then
2:50
Speaker 1: I met what ended up being my future wife. What happened,
2:55
Speaker 1: and I was talking to a couple other people. So
2:57
Speaker 1: when we met, we we we hit it off. But
3:00
Speaker 1: like I let her know at the beginning, Hey I'm
3:03
Speaker 1: talking to a couple other people, but I really like you.
3:06
Speaker 1: I was like, I might even date this one girl
3:08
Speaker 1: because she won't she won't let me hook up with
3:10
Speaker 1: her unless we're like boyfriend girlfriend, And and then she
3:12
Speaker 1: was like My wife was like, I don't care because
3:15
Speaker 1: I just got out of a five year relationship and
3:17
Speaker 1: I'm still exploring my options too. In that moment when
3:20
Speaker 1: we both admitted where we were at and our yes.
3:24
Speaker 1: It was like that was like the spark of a
3:27
Speaker 1: of attraction that actually allowed like a good relationship to
3:31
Speaker 1: develop because it was like at the outset of the relationship,
3:35
Speaker 1: her and I ended up being honest right away, so
3:38
Speaker 1: we didn't bring the mask like, hey, this is who
3:40
Speaker 1: I think you want me to be, this is who
3:42
Speaker 1: I am. I'm a I'm a hoe like remember one
3:51
Speaker 1: Savage and umm Rose. But then okay, so that's self
3:56
Speaker 1: awareness of like, well here's my flaws. I lust is
3:58
Speaker 1: one of my flaws. Do you accept it? In that moment,
4:01
Speaker 1: my wife, well this girl at the time, was like
4:05
Speaker 1: I accept it. Now we can really move towards something
4:08
Speaker 1: meaningful because the overall acceptance was there. So then when
4:13
Speaker 1: I start acting up, she's like, well I already accept you.
4:16
Speaker 1: But she knows that we're working through truth and we're
4:19
Speaker 1: working towards the long term, so as we continue the relationship.
4:23
Speaker 1: It was very quickly realized that we wanted to stay
4:26
Speaker 1: together like through that time, like and maybe forever. Like
4:30
Speaker 1: we this is what we said, were like, I don't
4:32
Speaker 1: know what's going to happen, but like we're going to
4:34
Speaker 1: retire with the shitty convertible on the beach. Whatever happens
4:37
Speaker 1: in between. Nothing to do is get through it together.
4:40
Speaker 1: But we're gonna get through it with communication. And that's
4:43
Speaker 1: what happened at the beginning. But guess what. I was
4:46
Speaker 1: still a liar, a ho, a manipulator at that point,
4:50
Speaker 1: but then truth came in. But I had all this
4:52
Speaker 1: residual does she actually accept me while I'm a hoe?
4:56
Speaker 1: So then I would I would be doing it in
4:58
Speaker 1: the open relationship, like I'd be going to see people,
5:00
Speaker 1: I'll be driving to see people, I'd be sucking them,
5:02
Speaker 1: and then I'd be feeling like, does she actually accept this?
5:06
Speaker 1: And then what happened was I would carry that birden
5:10
Speaker 1: around with me and then it would affect my relationship
5:13
Speaker 1: with her. But then once I started unloading it truthfully
5:16
Speaker 1: to her and she actually accepted me for it, it
5:19
Speaker 1: was like, I can actually be myself, come to be
5:23
Speaker 1: open if I tell the truth to her. But guess what.
5:26
Speaker 1: Guess what, telling the truth is hard and it makes
5:29
Speaker 1: you feel like shit sometimes because you have to admit
5:31
Speaker 1: where you've sucked up, and that's what nobody wants to do,
5:34
Speaker 1: and you have to be accountable for the other person's feelings.
5:36
Speaker 1: So while you're out being a hole, is it okay
5:38
Speaker 1: for her to be the home at that time? Because
5:40
Speaker 1: I know you guys are in a different place now
5:42
Speaker 1: so before being married, yes, But the thing is that
5:45
Speaker 1: she didn't pursue it as much as I did because
5:48
Speaker 1: she's not driven or attached to lust the way that
5:52
Speaker 1: I am. She has different flaws, which I always tell
5:55
Speaker 1: her she doesn't have flaws, her flaws like she's like lazy.
5:58
Speaker 1: But I accepted that. But it's like she really is,
6:00
Speaker 1: just like she's there to support. She supports me, and
6:03
Speaker 1: I support her. Whatever flaws end up being whatever they
6:05
Speaker 1: whatever her flaws manifest, we decided to accept them. She
6:09
Speaker 1: accepted me being a hoe, even if she isn't going
6:11
Speaker 1: to be as much of a hoe now down the road.
6:13
Speaker 1: She experimented too, way less than me because she's not
6:17
Speaker 1: as attached to it. But guess what we had that
6:19
Speaker 1: honest dialogue about it. Well, how did it make you
6:22
Speaker 1: actually feel? What did you guys do? Like she said
6:26
Speaker 1: she was getting and was like okay, so all right,
6:30
Speaker 1: so this is one thing that men don't Yeah, before well,
6:33
Speaker 1: I don't even know when she before we got married,
6:36
Speaker 1: we were engaged, she started to explore like more because
6:40
Speaker 1: we um What happened was I had done a bunch
6:42
Speaker 1: of stuff and not told her about it because I
6:44
Speaker 1: didn't feel I still didn't feel comfortable coming and telling
6:48
Speaker 1: her the truth. So then once I I had done
6:51
Speaker 1: about six things that were like hidden lies and I
6:55
Speaker 1: had to not tell her. Then when I brought them
6:58
Speaker 1: forth and I was like, this is what I did
7:00
Speaker 1: and I had to come clean. It was like basically
7:02
Speaker 1: like I'm repenting to my wife, like this is what
7:04
Speaker 1: I did wrong. She was like okay, Like she cried,
7:08
Speaker 1: there was hurt feelings, I felt like ship. But then
7:11
Speaker 1: then we talked about it and we're like, well, how
7:13
Speaker 1: do we want to approach this, and it was like
7:14
Speaker 1: let's let's do some more exploring. And that's when we
7:17
Speaker 1: got on the apps. And then that's when she got
7:19
Speaker 1: more involved in doing it and exploring, and then she
7:23
Speaker 1: started to she started hanging out with people and she
7:25
Speaker 1: she sucked some other people too, and then I got
7:27
Speaker 1: to see how that made me feel. And then we
7:30
Speaker 1: got to actually truthfully talk about it, and what we
7:32
Speaker 1: found out was like we do accept that about each
7:36
Speaker 1: other you. We can explore that, but you have to
7:39
Speaker 1: tell the truth, like and even when it's hard, because
7:43
Speaker 1: like I might be going to fux somebody and you
7:45
Speaker 1: don't want to you don't want to call your wife
7:47
Speaker 1: or your your fiance and be like, all right, baby,
7:50
Speaker 1: I just I'm leaving work, but I'm going to hang
7:53
Speaker 1: out with this girl. Like that's a hard conversation. Like
7:56
Speaker 1: it's easy in theory to sit here and be like, oh, yeah,
7:58
Speaker 1: I'll call her then when it's time to make the
8:00
Speaker 1: all and be like, I'm going to fux somebody. And
8:02
Speaker 1: you got to tell that to somebody, Yeah, you do.
8:04
Speaker 1: You pick the phone up and you call him and
8:07
Speaker 1: you tell him. And I've done that with my life
8:08
Speaker 1: and she's done that with me. Okay, So you guys
8:11
Speaker 1: have a discussion because I told Rozac what we were
8:14
Speaker 1: talking about the day and he was like, so do
8:15
Speaker 1: they tell each other before after? So y'all, y'all, So
8:20
Speaker 1: is the call to ask for permission? We've done both.
8:24
Speaker 1: We've done both where it's been like all right, we're
8:27
Speaker 1: don't ask, don't tell, just do we do what we do?
8:30
Speaker 1: And then we put it on a calendar and then
8:32
Speaker 1: it was like if we want to talk about it,
8:33
Speaker 1: we do it. Then we did. Well, let's let each
8:35
Speaker 1: other know. We have a calendar and as we call
8:38
Speaker 1: it church. No, this is good stuff. Man. The calendar
8:44
Speaker 1: is called church. So we can share a calendar and
8:46
Speaker 1: it will be like seven pm Thursday Church. So that
8:49
Speaker 1: means dick for her or I'm going out to get
8:54
Speaker 1: to hang out with somebody. And so we've done. We've
8:58
Speaker 1: done that where it's like just put on church, don't
9:00
Speaker 1: tell me we've done. Let's plan the week and tell
9:03
Speaker 1: each other when we're gonna be doing it. So on
9:05
Speaker 1: Sunday it's like, hey, I'm hanging out with somebody on
9:07
Speaker 1: Tuesday and Thursday. That's that one does. That one sucks. Church. No,
9:13
Speaker 1: church is good because it's like you, it's passive aggressive.
9:16
Speaker 1: It's like, all right, that's getting the in the calendar
9:18
Speaker 1: Church Thursday at seven. We don't even have to talk
9:20
Speaker 1: about it. If I don't see it or she doesn't
9:22
Speaker 1: see it, we don't even talk about it. But when
9:24
Speaker 1: it was like hey, baby, on Tuesday and Thursday, I'm
9:27
Speaker 1: going to yeah, yeah, well and then okay, listen to this.
9:32
Speaker 1: When this happens, this is what happens Sometimes she would
9:35
Speaker 1: get a date right and she'd be like, all right,
9:38
Speaker 1: so Wednesday's or date. Then my date would blow me
9:39
Speaker 1: off and then she would be and I'm like, that's
9:44
Speaker 1: all right. That's when you do some serious like self
9:48
Speaker 1: evaluation where you're like, oh my god, like she's out,
9:52
Speaker 1: like she's getting pipe. Yeah, because the women turned down
9:56
Speaker 1: much more dick than men get pussy, So that's easy
10:01
Speaker 1: for her. She go to Walmart ale nine and get anything.
10:05
Speaker 1: Alter process is way more intensive. Exactly swipe right, swipe right,
10:09
Speaker 1: swipe right, swipe right. I'm taking. So we did that.
10:14
Speaker 1: That was part of our process. We we we are
10:17
Speaker 1: now beyond that. At one point last year, in the
10:21
Speaker 1: year before that, we had two separate like we call
10:23
Speaker 1: him like seasons cycles where we like we really we
10:26
Speaker 1: really explored it and went hard at it. We used
10:29
Speaker 1: the apps, we we met people and we were texting people,
10:32
Speaker 1: we were planning things. That's we were having a communication
10:35
Speaker 1: all the time about it. Our relationship suffered because we
10:38
Speaker 1: were leaking so much energy into other people lust. My
10:43
Speaker 1: lust that I indulge was not getting taken out on
10:46
Speaker 1: my life. It was getting taken out to other girls.
10:48
Speaker 1: And then so then I didn't have time to Like
10:51
Speaker 1: I didn't, I wasn't putting in my my energy to her.
10:54
Speaker 1: But we already decided way back when when the stock
10:58
Speaker 1: is down, we're going to continue to talk about it.
11:01
Speaker 1: And we are. Stock was down when we were going
11:03
Speaker 1: out and hanging out with other people because we didn't
11:06
Speaker 1: we weren't each other. We were we were literally physically disconnected.
11:12
Speaker 1: I would be with you and she would be with him.
11:15
Speaker 1: And it's like, so now our relationship is suffering. But
11:18
Speaker 1: guess what, when you commit to get through that cycle,
11:21
Speaker 1: when you come out the other end and have a
11:23
Speaker 1: conversation about it, then you can adjust how you approach
11:26
Speaker 1: the open relationship. And like, I know, we don't have
11:29
Speaker 1: a lot of time right now, but it's like we've
11:31
Speaker 1: done like don't ask, don't tell, talk about everything, put
11:35
Speaker 1: it on a calendar or or do it and then
11:39
Speaker 1: tell me later. And each of them has its own
11:42
Speaker 1: set of pros and cons. But like how it affects
11:45
Speaker 1: us individually, that's what's most important, because because when I'm
11:49
Speaker 1: down and she's down, because we're out doing wasting our
11:53
Speaker 1: energy trying to find people to fuck, we're not spending
11:56
Speaker 1: that energy on each other and then and y'all actually
11:59
Speaker 1: love each other, yes, and then this will happen at
12:02
Speaker 1: the end of all these cycles, when we recommit to
12:04
Speaker 1: each other to have these conversations for each other, to
12:08
Speaker 1: be romantic with each other, it's just we just our
12:11
Speaker 1: relationship just goes so much better. Like we're communicated bout
12:14
Speaker 1: every we're cooking, we're fucking, we're making love. We're also
12:17
Speaker 1: just being silly. We have so much energy for each other.
12:20
Speaker 1: Because that energy isn't getting leaked on these new people,
12:23
Speaker 1: because it takes like if I'm gonna be present with
12:25
Speaker 1: you as a new person, like somebody that meeting for
12:28
Speaker 1: the first time, it's like you have all these great feelings.
12:30
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I'm get excited, I get the butterflies.
12:32
Speaker 1: It's a new person. They look different, they got different
12:35
Speaker 1: and then my wife, they got different asks, like they
12:38
Speaker 1: got different interests. They've never I'm an aquarius. They've never
12:41
Speaker 1: heard me talk about my spirituality. My wife has heard
12:45
Speaker 1: the conversation four million times. My wife is like, shut up,
12:48
Speaker 1: I don't care about the high y, I don't care
12:51
Speaker 1: about the chakras. And this new girl is like open,
12:54
Speaker 1: She's like listening to me, she's asking questions. Then we're
12:57
Speaker 1: fucking and then it's like WHOA, that was awesome. And
13:01
Speaker 1: then I come back to my wife and she just
13:03
Speaker 1: did the same thing, and then we're like going to sleep.
13:09
Speaker 1: We're not even touching each other because it's like, see,
13:12
Speaker 1: that's what I talk about. Like, that's why I feel
13:14
Speaker 1: like I want to open relationship because variety, but a
13:19
Speaker 1: lot of people, a lot of people can't admit to that.
13:21
Speaker 1: And I feel like a lot of men if they
13:24
Speaker 1: get to that point to where they can be honest
13:25
Speaker 1: with themselves first, because that's my my god, that's one
13:29
Speaker 1: of his things. One of his advices. He knows is
13:31
Speaker 1: like lust. And I don't want to get into his
13:34
Speaker 1: personal life whatever, but um, you know, like that's that's
13:37
Speaker 1: one of his main things. So before so we got engaged,
13:40
Speaker 1: he doesn't calculate our relationship before asking me to marry him.
13:44
Speaker 1: And we have been to me, in a relationship since
13:48
Speaker 1: twenty I would say seventeen. We met at the end
13:51
Speaker 1: of so seventeen up until now, we have been in
13:55
Speaker 1: a relationship and I dealt with a lot of things
13:58
Speaker 1: because to me, like going out and smashing people. I
14:02
Speaker 1: feel like I'm just letting somebody else use my pussy
14:04
Speaker 1: at that point, if you're not about to change my life,
14:07
Speaker 1: because I don't you know, if I'm if I go
14:08
Speaker 1: smash somebody, I'm probably trying to leave you. So if
14:13
Speaker 1: the person I'm smashing isn't about to change in my life,
14:15
Speaker 1: I feel like I don't feel like that's get back
14:17
Speaker 1: all the time to me when I started calculating that
14:20
Speaker 1: in my mind, like I'm really looking for a replacement
14:23
Speaker 1: at that point. So the only time you have six
14:26
Speaker 1: outside of your relationship is we're left to level up,
14:30
Speaker 1: is what you're saying. Do not do it just for
14:32
Speaker 1: your own fulfillment, because I don't feel fulfilled after that.
14:36
Speaker 1: I won't feel fulfilled after that for real, because now
14:39
Speaker 1: I'm older in this relationship. He had women, and he
14:42
Speaker 1: had had we had had conversations before getting engaged, like
14:45
Speaker 1: a year or two ago, about being in an open
14:47
Speaker 1: relationship or a polygamous relationship where he would have multiple women,
14:51
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm not fol that, and neither all
14:53
Speaker 1: the women that you're fucking with, because they wouldn't be
14:55
Speaker 1: stalking you the way they are. You're not being honest
14:58
Speaker 1: with people. If you were being honest with me, and
15:00
Speaker 1: if you would be honest with them, you wouldn't have
15:02
Speaker 1: the problems that you have. And like right now, I
15:04
Speaker 1: feel like you are in lust with the fucking headache
15:07
Speaker 1: of dealing with these any of them problems exactly. They
15:12
Speaker 1: have to tell me because I'm the main one, right.
15:14
Speaker 1: So that's what was happening before we got um I'll
15:18
Speaker 1: say the year before being engaged, not like the entire
15:21
Speaker 1: last year, but the ship pretty much ended maybe the
15:24
Speaker 1: end of right, and then when you asked me to
15:28
Speaker 1: marry you. But you don't facilitate the relationship prior to
15:31
Speaker 1: asking me to marry you because you put me through
15:33
Speaker 1: all this stuff. And in his mind he didn't because
15:36
Speaker 1: in his mind we weren't in a relationship. But I
15:38
Speaker 1: was being faithful to you and probably these other women too.
15:41
Speaker 1: But I can't be a hole, you know what I'm saying,
15:44
Speaker 1: Like I went through my whole phase to where I
15:46
Speaker 1: don't have to I don't feel like I just gotta
15:49
Speaker 1: get some dick from someplace else. You know what I'm
15:51
Speaker 1: saying is it has to be more of a connection
15:53
Speaker 1: for me at this point. So I'm not just going
15:55
Speaker 1: out and just sucking people for fun, and you said
15:59
Speaker 1: it or you were liked it. Didn't it doesn't fulfill me.
16:02
Speaker 1: And that was what I was gonna say. Like every
16:05
Speaker 1: the more I did it, and the more I got
16:07
Speaker 1: the shiny object, the new the variety, the more I
16:11
Speaker 1: realized like it was never going to fulfill me or
16:14
Speaker 1: fill the void. It was just gonna be like in
16:18
Speaker 1: saytable lust, I could never quench that thirst. I would
16:22
Speaker 1: drink a bottle of water, which would be the new girl,
16:24
Speaker 1: and then like six weeks, six six minutes later, I
16:29
Speaker 1: need to drink another bottle. So it's likely, but so
16:32
Speaker 1: it never fulfilled it. But guess where I got the
16:34
Speaker 1: fulfillment was with my wife every time when we after
16:39
Speaker 1: these after these whole hoodowns, whatever you want to call it.
16:44
Speaker 1: When I would come back and then we would rekindle
16:46
Speaker 1: with my wife and all my energy would get directed
16:48
Speaker 1: to my wife. Every time it would be so much
16:52
Speaker 1: deeper and more fulfilling. All right, I was. I hung
16:56
Speaker 1: out with the girl about It was probably like twelve
16:58
Speaker 1: and fifteen times, and she was a Leo, my wife's
17:01
Speaker 1: leo Leo. We hit it off, me and this girl,
17:04
Speaker 1: and it was it was almost scary because it was
17:07
Speaker 1: really good. It was really and then one time we
17:11
Speaker 1: hooked up and then and we talked about all the
17:13
Speaker 1: spiritual stuff and it was amazing. And then she I
17:16
Speaker 1: was trying to hang out with her and she was like,
17:18
Speaker 1: you know, I'm I'm telling the universe that I'm not
17:21
Speaker 1: going to hook up with men that leave me and
17:24
Speaker 1: go home to another man. And I was like that's powerful,
17:27
Speaker 1: Like that's good, you should do that. And then it
17:29
Speaker 1: also made me realize like what I was doing, which
17:33
Speaker 1: was oh wait, wait go home to another woman who
17:37
Speaker 1: she did. She was like, I'm not going to hook up. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
17:40
Speaker 1: I go home. She's like, I can't be hooking up
17:45
Speaker 1: if you're gonna just like all right. So we have
17:47
Speaker 1: this great conversation, everything's on fire. Then we fun and
17:50
Speaker 1: it's amazing. And then it's like she's becoming yeah, and
17:54
Speaker 1: she's like this is and I'm becoming connected to her
17:56
Speaker 1: because we're hitting it off because she's still knew we're
17:59
Speaker 1: talking spear virtual, we're talking ABO, it's going well. She
18:02
Speaker 1: sends me that text and all it did for me
18:05
Speaker 1: was reinforced like I need to get back home to
18:07
Speaker 1: my wife. I can't be dissipating this energy into other people,
18:11
Speaker 1: because it's not only fucking with their head, it's taken
18:14
Speaker 1: that energy out of my wife. Like, here's what happens
18:16
Speaker 1: to my wife and to me when I give her
18:18
Speaker 1: all my energy is she then gives the energy back
18:22
Speaker 1: to me, and then it's reciprocity. I love her, I
18:25
Speaker 1: romance her, I lust her, I touch her hair, I
18:28
Speaker 1: we do the thing, we go on the date. Now
18:30
Speaker 1: it's easier to do the dishes, it's easier to handle
18:32
Speaker 1: the finances, it's easier to clean the house, it's easier
18:34
Speaker 1: to move to fire. I told my guy, like, the
18:39
Speaker 1: happy life, happy wife is a real thing. It's a
18:43
Speaker 1: real thing. It's reciprocity. Yes, because I'm gonna make sure
18:46
Speaker 1: you good. If you make sure, if you make sure
18:49
Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm gonna make sure you're you're great to look.
18:52
Speaker 1: Before we move on to the next segment, let's have
18:54
Speaker 1: a word from our sponsors. So you're feeling all those
19:01
Speaker 1: good things. You're washing dishes and cooking and rubbing here
19:04
Speaker 1: and ship, Yeah, what makes you decide to go get
19:06
Speaker 1: a little side and how long? So this is what
19:10
Speaker 1: happens after the good time. So we so we're at
19:13
Speaker 1: the point where it's like we don't want to go
19:15
Speaker 1: search it like so we used the applications like bumble
19:19
Speaker 1: and the tinder and all that, and that's like seeking.
19:23
Speaker 1: That's like taking your will and putting it out into
19:25
Speaker 1: the community. This is what I'm looking for lust. I
19:27
Speaker 1: want to not Yes, I'm trying to. So if you
19:30
Speaker 1: run into someone, you meet some So that's the next evolution.
19:34
Speaker 1: We're at the point where you've come into my car
19:37
Speaker 1: and left and I just want to put a disclaim
19:39
Speaker 1: where I have not okay, And then that's that's me
19:47
Speaker 1: following my my my service oriented career and like my
19:52
Speaker 1: out in the community doing my thing. I'm not sitting
19:54
Speaker 1: at home alone when I could be reading, when I
19:57
Speaker 1: could be working out, when I could be clean and cooking.
20:00
Speaker 1: This is I'm working. And then all of a sudden,
20:02
Speaker 1: pretty face comes in the car and we work it out.
20:05
Speaker 1: Like that's different than me projectively will my comfort of
20:10
Speaker 1: my own home. So I call it like a blast.
20:13
Speaker 1: You send a blast, you send the same message to
20:19
Speaker 1: it's like boom, who yeah, who fucking a knight a night.
20:31
Speaker 1: But and then and then you get like you get
20:33
Speaker 1: ten hits back, so fifteen ignore ten, hit back, two
20:36
Speaker 1: or down. To make a plan, you pick the one, right.
20:39
Speaker 1: That's that's different than like living your life. It's like this,
20:43
Speaker 1: it's like going and spending your paycheck on drugs versus
20:46
Speaker 1: like going and like living your life and somebody's like, hey,
20:50
Speaker 1: you want to hit this j It's like I don't
20:53
Speaker 1: buy so I can try. So you don't buy the cigarettes,
20:56
Speaker 1: you don't buy the weed, you don't buy the thing.
20:58
Speaker 1: But like when somebody has a try it, and that's
21:02
Speaker 1: the same. Like we're trying to transition that to the
21:04
Speaker 1: to the open relationship and the open it's now open
21:07
Speaker 1: marriage where it's like we get to get to explore it.
21:12
Speaker 1: But this is what we called it at the beginning spot.
21:14
Speaker 1: We wanted it to be based on spontaneous human interactions
21:18
Speaker 1: like oh we lock eyes and then we just like
21:21
Speaker 1: we just look at each other and it's like okay, yes,
21:23
Speaker 1: and then we go. Then we can go to be
21:26
Speaker 1: out and just like blasting out like hey, I'm trying
21:29
Speaker 1: to funk to every girl that's out to have to
21:33
Speaker 1: because like you mentioned earlier, yeah she's getting yeah she's
21:38
Speaker 1: she's getting still gets them because like and so like
21:41
Speaker 1: I know that, because I still like they'll be girls,
21:44
Speaker 1: I don't talk to you for six months, nine months,
21:46
Speaker 1: then I cycle back through wanting to go out and
21:48
Speaker 1: get the thing, and then I'll put my blast out
21:51
Speaker 1: and then it's less responsive because when accorded constantly, if
21:56
Speaker 1: you're not courting, like you guys know this, you're getting
21:59
Speaker 1: men want you and they're letting you know. So we
22:02
Speaker 1: have to have like Pazilion, the willpower to not funk
22:06
Speaker 1: as much because we get nick thrown at us all day,
22:10
Speaker 1: all day and men have to throw to well some
22:12
Speaker 1: men I guess have to throw the day. Yeah, well
22:14
Speaker 1: that's the thing. Is like, so you you are what's
22:17
Speaker 1: getting blasted at. So it's like I see that because
22:20
Speaker 1: I've done it. Then she tells me. My wife will
22:21
Speaker 1: be like, oh this guy hit me up again. It's
22:23
Speaker 1: like you can see, Hey, where are you up to tonight?
22:25
Speaker 1: Hey you want to grab a drink. It's like the
22:26
Speaker 1: same bullshit, And it's like if you're not courting, then
22:30
Speaker 1: they don't respond because there's fifty people that have been
22:32
Speaker 1: courting them. So I'll send these blasts out like nine
22:35
Speaker 1: months later and like I get no response, because those
22:37
Speaker 1: women are like in relationship, they got twenty dudes that's
22:41
Speaker 1: been buying them ship taking them out. I just got dick,
22:44
Speaker 1: Like yeah that ship was okay. What else? And that's
22:51
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about, Like, that's what I'm talking about,
22:53
Speaker 1: Like if this person will change my life, but you
22:55
Speaker 1: just got some dick for me that everybody got the stock?
23:07
Speaker 1: What about this though? Like when it comes to jealousy,
23:10
Speaker 1: have you ever like she's like, oh baby, I can't
23:12
Speaker 1: fuck you tonight. Tyrone so good, he's tired, Like how
23:17
Speaker 1: do you deal with that? Happened? All right? Yes, I
23:22
Speaker 1: ain't gonna say no names, but he was not jealous.
23:25
Speaker 1: It makes me like it challenges your pride in your
23:29
Speaker 1: ego when the dude is like six three, he was
23:32
Speaker 1: just he was just stalling. His ass was like thick,
23:36
Speaker 1: Like we actually hung out with this couple right and
23:40
Speaker 1: the other dude. I was like, Yo, this dude, this
23:43
Speaker 1: is that dude right here, he's the man. He's in
23:45
Speaker 1: the open relationship. He's like smart, good looking, he's like
23:48
Speaker 1: kind of quirky, but he's like I know he's packing.
23:51
Speaker 1: And then she told me he was packing, and I
23:53
Speaker 1: was like I don't know, well it was. I asked
23:58
Speaker 1: because I wanted to confirmed my like, was there pussy good?
24:02
Speaker 1: I've asked, I've seen I've seen his lips, I've seen
24:07
Speaker 1: his hips in his ass, Like I knew this was funny.
24:13
Speaker 1: It's funny. But then it's like you get jealous at
24:17
Speaker 1: the beginning, and then when you go through it and
24:20
Speaker 1: you communicate about it, you get to a point of acceptance.
24:23
Speaker 1: So the jealousy is at the beginning when you're exploring
24:26
Speaker 1: and you don't know how you're going to react when
24:28
Speaker 1: she leaves you that night to go funk somebody else,
24:30
Speaker 1: or I leave her to go funk somebody else. And
24:32
Speaker 1: we've done all these different things. I mean, I d
24:34
Speaker 1: I've driven hours to go funk somebody. Yeah, so you
24:38
Speaker 1: don't know how you're gonna react. I've seen how she reacts,
24:41
Speaker 1: I've seen how I react. We both get in our feelings.
24:43
Speaker 1: But then through it, it's like you get accustomed to
24:46
Speaker 1: dealing with anything, and if you deal with things with
24:48
Speaker 1: communication and honesty, and it's like this is how I felt.
24:51
Speaker 1: It was like that really challenged my ego when I
24:53
Speaker 1: found out that he had a fucking hammer. But it's like, bitch,
24:55
Speaker 1: I knew we had a hammer, like but like mean,
25:00
Speaker 1: it's like but it's like that. So this is what
25:03
Speaker 1: I tell my friends. They're like, how can you do that?
25:05
Speaker 1: And it's like, this is the thing. We've accepted that
25:07
Speaker 1: we're going to be together to the end. So it's
25:09
Speaker 1: like if I come home and the panthers are running
25:11
Speaker 1: a train on her. She as a free will individual
25:16
Speaker 1: that wants to explore whatever, She's allowed to do that,
25:19
Speaker 1: and it's up the world. You get you get my
25:22
Speaker 1: reaction reaction, but she's allowed to be herself, and her
25:25
Speaker 1: reaction is her reaction. I'm allowed to be myself. I'm
25:27
Speaker 1: working on myself. My goal is to not be doing
25:29
Speaker 1: this in my thirties and forties. But my goal is
25:32
Speaker 1: not to be in my thirties and forties and be
25:34
Speaker 1: wishing that I had done it in my twenties. So
25:38
Speaker 1: we've been really going at it. So the goal is
25:40
Speaker 1: to be you know, when we're hitting into our thirties
25:42
Speaker 1: and forties, were like, we're actually mature. Why souls? Because
25:46
Speaker 1: we had the experiences where a lot of men and
25:48
Speaker 1: women are in these forced monogamous relationships where they're getting
25:51
Speaker 1: attention all day from other people, and they want to
25:54
Speaker 1: do it, but they don't, so they go to porn
25:56
Speaker 1: and they go to vices like other ways to stimulate,
25:59
Speaker 1: like get sucked up, whatever it is. They escape because
26:02
Speaker 1: it's like they want to be doing something, but they're
26:04
Speaker 1: afraid to tell the truth. If they tell the truth,
26:06
Speaker 1: they won't be accepted. And then once you're not accepted,
26:09
Speaker 1: then you're really going to be looking for somebody else.
26:11
Speaker 1: But we decided at the beginning, I accept you. Then
26:14
Speaker 1: we struggled, and now it's better. This is corny, but
26:17
Speaker 1: it's really like a stock. It was at twenty bucks
26:20
Speaker 1: and then it goes to thirty and then when it
26:22
Speaker 1: goes back down to twenty five, you need to give
26:24
Speaker 1: it attention. You throw more resources at it. Then it
26:26
Speaker 1: goes up to thirty five, and then it's just constantly
26:29
Speaker 1: up and down. But when you're in those down like
26:31
Speaker 1: those cycles where I was talking to you about, like
26:33
Speaker 1: we're really just sucking other people. We're not giving each
26:36
Speaker 1: other any attention. My and her stock is going down,
26:39
Speaker 1: that's when we really come together. We can say we
26:43
Speaker 1: talk about what what's been happening while the stock has
26:45
Speaker 1: been going down. It's like well, you've been talking, You've
26:47
Speaker 1: been with other girls, You've been sucking other girls, given
26:49
Speaker 1: other people your attention, you've been indulging your vices. Because
26:52
Speaker 1: the devil never travels alone. So my lust comes with
26:55
Speaker 1: my gluttony. So it's like I'm going out spending money, eating, eating,
26:59
Speaker 1: smoke in drinking, fucking the devil. It never comes alone.
27:03
Speaker 1: So it's all my favorite things, saying saying. So you
27:07
Speaker 1: find somebody that accepts you, I might be a yell po.
27:11
Speaker 1: I've been looking at yell for the best restaurants. The
27:13
Speaker 1: way have I met? It comes in these groups of challenge.
27:17
Speaker 1: You don't have somewhere to go with that information. You
27:20
Speaker 1: keep it inside and then you internalize it and then
27:22
Speaker 1: it gets expressed in negative emotion and resentment towards your partner,
27:26
Speaker 1: resentment towards your family or career, your other opportunities, because
27:29
Speaker 1: you really have this thing eating at you and it's
27:31
Speaker 1: hurting you and you have nowhere to express the truth,
27:34
Speaker 1: and then that makes you suffer and everybody around you.
27:37
Speaker 1: My fiance, he says, you know, he wants to be
27:40
Speaker 1: able to be vulnerable with me completely, Like that's his
27:43
Speaker 1: idea of being in a relationship with somebody just to
27:46
Speaker 1: be able to be completely honest and completely vulnerable. But
27:49
Speaker 1: I still feel like we're we obviously on at that.
27:51
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you a situation I just recently happened.
27:53
Speaker 1: I told you, Tammy. Anyway, we were going through it,
27:56
Speaker 1: and we went to counseling, were still going to therapy,
27:59
Speaker 1: and he said, had something really nasty to me, and
28:02
Speaker 1: so I had an opportunity to hook up with somebody else.
28:05
Speaker 1: I didn't have sex with him, I went out on
28:07
Speaker 1: a date with him. I lied to him, so he
28:10
Speaker 1: just you know, he came and brought me four dozen roses.
28:14
Speaker 1: It took me to breakfast, all just so he can
28:16
Speaker 1: just covertly get my cell phone to go through it
28:19
Speaker 1: to find the truth. Right, so then you find it truth.
28:22
Speaker 1: His hand started shaking, like, oh fuck, So now I'm busted.
28:25
Speaker 1: I didn't tell you the truth because I didn't want
28:27
Speaker 1: to hurt you, and we're not in a relationship where
28:29
Speaker 1: I feel like I can be honest in that way.
28:31
Speaker 1: So now for the last month, he's been putting me
28:33
Speaker 1: through hell basically like every and I just told him recently,
28:37
Speaker 1: if you were just consistently nasty to me, every day.
28:40
Speaker 1: I would be okay with that because that would make
28:41
Speaker 1: me leave sooner. But because you like give me all
28:45
Speaker 1: these good days and then you give me bad days,
28:47
Speaker 1: it's like, uh, like okay, we could probably get through
28:50
Speaker 1: this type thing. So that's where the open relationship argument
28:55
Speaker 1: came up the other day, which I kind of said
28:58
Speaker 1: this to him back in February because I found some
29:01
Speaker 1: emails of his and I asked him that. I said,
29:04
Speaker 1: you want to be an open relationship, but see, I
29:07
Speaker 1: don't feel like men can handle that. I don't know,
29:10
Speaker 1: I feel like they can't handle that. They'd rather be
29:13
Speaker 1: sneaking and covert. And then you know, they want ownership
29:17
Speaker 1: over all of them, all of not just you. They
29:21
Speaker 1: want ownership over all the women that they're dealing with,
29:24
Speaker 1: like even pussy they never had before. They think it's
29:26
Speaker 1: on reserve for him. This is the thing, is like
29:30
Speaker 1: men are like that. A lot of my friends, people
29:32
Speaker 1: that I know, they are monogamous and then they lie
29:36
Speaker 1: in cheat and then they don't they but if their
29:39
Speaker 1: woman does it, they will absolutely go absolutely right. So
29:43
Speaker 1: that's what So so he feels like I am now
29:46
Speaker 1: justifying what I did because of the past history of
29:49
Speaker 1: his and I kind of am I can't lie because
29:52
Speaker 1: I haven't got over the trauma of those things. And
29:55
Speaker 1: my thing is like, you have the audacity to be
29:58
Speaker 1: mad at me, now look at the ship you put
30:00
Speaker 1: me through, which I shouldn't because I shouldn't be that way,
30:03
Speaker 1: because that's really deflecting. I like with um Will and
30:06
Speaker 1: Jada Smith, like everybody was like, oh, um, so, so
30:09
Speaker 1: Jade is a bad person in relationship because Will just
30:11
Speaker 1: was like on her ass when they did a little interview.
30:14
Speaker 1: But no, she just wasn't deflecting. She was owning up
30:17
Speaker 1: to what she did. She wasn't bringing up what he'd
30:19
Speaker 1: done in the past to justify what she did. She
30:22
Speaker 1: was just owning her ship and not bringing his ship up.
30:26
Speaker 1: And exactly, yes, he definitely has ship. They're big in
30:32
Speaker 1: the public, but then look at look at what you
30:35
Speaker 1: see from look at their family and their their relationship.
30:39
Speaker 1: It's like it's very complicated because it's open, but and
30:43
Speaker 1: they're truthful, so look at how it affects their whole dine.
30:46
Speaker 1: And there's always the rumors that they were an open relationship.
30:49
Speaker 1: And I don't feel like, well, god dick like that.
30:52
Speaker 1: So many people do oh god, Okay, you were talking
31:00
Speaker 1: about you were getting reciprocity in your relationship that was
31:04
Speaker 1: based on wise and manipulation. So one would do it,
31:08
Speaker 1: the next one would do it. That's reciprocity too, yeacy, yes,
31:16
Speaker 1: because it's gonna be what you are and what you've
31:19
Speaker 1: done and what he's done, and yeah if it's not.
31:21
Speaker 1: And see, I've never given him anything to deal with,
31:23
Speaker 1: so like this is like he's shocked. He's shocked, and like,
31:27
Speaker 1: how dare you type ship? And I'm like, you've been
31:30
Speaker 1: doing this ship the way you feel. I felt that
31:32
Speaker 1: way ten times over. So my thing. So we got
31:35
Speaker 1: into argument last week and I text Tammy and I say,
31:39
Speaker 1: you know what we need to do our next episode
31:41
Speaker 1: on open relationships because to me, an open relationship would
31:45
Speaker 1: be just open lines of communication. Healthy ones don't communicate
31:50
Speaker 1: as a hair stylus. I'd be a lot of different women.
31:54
Speaker 1: I mean, no, we're innocent, let me not say that.
31:57
Speaker 1: But women do step out of their relationships out siling
32:00
Speaker 1: a bat. They're sneaky and it's just like, yeah, he
32:03
Speaker 1: did whatever, he did that and they're comfortable with it.
32:06
Speaker 1: Just everybody lying to each other. And I just think
32:08
Speaker 1: that's sick. Like, let's just be honest with one to know,
32:11
Speaker 1: and everybody has to because we're all human for whatever reason,
32:15
Speaker 1: Like men just think they're more human than women. We're
32:18
Speaker 1: more human than them, Like we all go through the
32:20
Speaker 1: same ship emotionally. I like what you were saying about
32:23
Speaker 1: being in salon and being one on one with these
32:25
Speaker 1: women and you see that, like they know what their
32:28
Speaker 1: men are up to, and then once they see what
32:30
Speaker 1: the men are up to, they're like, oh, well, I'm
32:32
Speaker 1: gonna just do that. So this is what the problem
32:35
Speaker 1: is is like now you're both in the dark. Now
32:37
Speaker 1: you don't even know the relationship that you wouldhabit. No trust,
32:41
Speaker 1: nobody knows what's actually going on. Well yeah, because if
32:46
Speaker 1: it got brought into the light, they would have to
32:48
Speaker 1: deal with it. And that's more. That's hard. That's what
32:51
Speaker 1: people don't want to do. So they sweep it under
32:53
Speaker 1: the rug, they sweep it into the closet, and then
32:55
Speaker 1: guess what happens though, when the finances go bad, guess
32:58
Speaker 1: what happens All that comes into the lights? Ny, Hey, boom,
33:06
Speaker 1: like why did I get married? Boom? That's so then
33:11
Speaker 1: we were fortunate enough my wife and I to get
33:14
Speaker 1: out in front of that and experiment with hiding but
33:19
Speaker 1: still being accepting of the hiding lying, then being out
33:22
Speaker 1: in front and talking about it. So now when I
33:24
Speaker 1: do something, I'm telling her the next day and we're
33:27
Speaker 1: coming clean because I don't want to carry that around
33:29
Speaker 1: where other people they're carrying around their darkness. It's heavy.
33:34
Speaker 1: They don't want to bring it into the light. When
33:35
Speaker 1: they bring it into the light, it's scary to look
33:37
Speaker 1: at me because and you've been pushing it away. That's
33:40
Speaker 1: when you really see how fucked up it is. And
33:43
Speaker 1: people don't want to see how funked up it is.
33:45
Speaker 1: They just want to keep going on. He was saying, so,
33:47
Speaker 1: how will we do an open relationship? So you're just
33:50
Speaker 1: gonna be given different people your phone number and stuff
33:52
Speaker 1: like that. And I made a comment just being smart
33:54
Speaker 1: at the mouth, because I said, no, maybe we could
33:56
Speaker 1: just do with people we've already dealt with before. So
33:58
Speaker 1: then last night that made him feel that I want
34:01
Speaker 1: to go back and funk with somebody I used to
34:03
Speaker 1: funk with, man, I know, And I explained to him,
34:06
Speaker 1: like I just was saying something that midst of being angry,
34:09
Speaker 1: but like you said, if it's organic, you're out, you
34:12
Speaker 1: meet somebody new. I feel like new friends can get
34:15
Speaker 1: you place as old friends can't. Right, you meet new people.
34:18
Speaker 1: So we married for fifty years, are we not supposed
34:21
Speaker 1: to engage when nobody else? Let's be honest. A lot
34:24
Speaker 1: of people say that, and then it's like, it's impossible,
34:26
Speaker 1: sounds stupid, sounds. Let's be honest, not real, that's not
34:29
Speaker 1: real life it was, and then we can get rid
34:31
Speaker 1: of the line. The monogamous relationships like fail so much
34:35
Speaker 1: because of that, because people are honest about their true
34:37
Speaker 1: human desires. Yeah there is a song. It is no
34:41
Speaker 1: church in the wild. Oh yeah, there's a thing in there.
34:44
Speaker 1: This literally sums up. We formed a new religion. No
34:48
Speaker 1: sins as long as there's permission, and deception is the
34:51
Speaker 1: only felony. So never funck nobody without telling that ship
34:55
Speaker 1: is so it. I love that song before I knew that,
35:03
Speaker 1: But then when they listen to it and it came back,
35:04
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my god, I'm like living this
35:06
Speaker 1: that sentence. So I was deceiving though, because I was
35:10
Speaker 1: fucking people without telling her. But our religions stated the
35:14
Speaker 1: only sin, the only felony is not telling me, and
35:18
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, that's where the open relationship isn't just
35:22
Speaker 1: open we fucked, we fuck, we fun. It's open line
35:25
Speaker 1: of communication with with yourself, with your partner, and with
35:30
Speaker 1: the world because you don't know where the yo. I
35:34
Speaker 1: talked to people, and maybe the reason I talked to
35:36
Speaker 1: him was because lust, But then it turns into something different.
35:40
Speaker 1: I'm able and willing and I don't have to hide
35:43
Speaker 1: talking to this person from my wife or anything, and
35:46
Speaker 1: then it shuts it down. I just want to talk
35:48
Speaker 1: to them with the open mind and see where maybe
35:52
Speaker 1: there might be something that's not lust related here as
35:54
Speaker 1: an opportunity and what do you what do? Yeah? Yeah,
35:58
Speaker 1: open that open because you said it. What are we
36:01
Speaker 1: gonna do together and not meet new people? People doesn't
36:05
Speaker 1: have to be about just sex exactly. That's I mean.
36:08
Speaker 1: I try to explain that all the time, Like, man,
36:10
Speaker 1: every guy I know I haven't had sex with. You know.
36:12
Speaker 1: I have friends that I have real life platonic relationships with.
36:16
Speaker 1: I might talk about you to them, like just to
36:18
Speaker 1: get a male perspective about different things, and I've never
36:20
Speaker 1: slept with them. Like it's very well possible. I think
36:23
Speaker 1: men try to funk every woman they come in contact with,
36:25
Speaker 1: so it's kind of hard for them to believe that
36:27
Speaker 1: we don't do the same thing. You see what I'm saying, Like,
36:31
Speaker 1: I know, he say my home girl, I know you
36:33
Speaker 1: probably sucked them. When I say my homeboy, that's really
36:36
Speaker 1: my friend. I don't want to get rid of my friends.
36:39
Speaker 1: He says this home girl, he's trying to funk them.
36:42
Speaker 1: You said your homeboy, he's trying to fuck you. Now,
36:44
Speaker 1: all of them. That's you know, that's another thing I've said.
36:47
Speaker 1: I said, you know the people that kind of like
36:50
Speaker 1: if I feel like I'm straddling a little bit frttenizing.
36:53
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not talking to them, you know, like not.
36:55
Speaker 1: I don't talk to anybody else on a day to
36:58
Speaker 1: day basis, and I don't really I'm never never want
37:00
Speaker 1: to really initiate conversation like people text me, hitting me
37:03
Speaker 1: up Instagram. I've had the same phone number since I
37:05
Speaker 1: was eighteen, mid thirties now, so you know people, and
37:09
Speaker 1: he wants me to change my phone number. I don't
37:11
Speaker 1: really want to because I have anxiety about changing my
37:15
Speaker 1: note for whatever reason, cause I'm attached to it. For
37:18
Speaker 1: whatever reason, it's my number you're in and you're allowed,
37:20
Speaker 1: So you're trying to cut my connection off people in
37:24
Speaker 1: lines of communication, people of past and potential people in
37:27
Speaker 1: the future. He projects that all your homeboys are then
37:30
Speaker 1: people that are trying to suck you because he's trying
37:32
Speaker 1: to funk all his home girl. Then that's where the
37:34
Speaker 1: fear of like, well, who are you talking to and
37:37
Speaker 1: what could they be to me? A threat? And then
37:39
Speaker 1: that threatens my position as the dominant male, and then
37:43
Speaker 1: that scares me because I'm not accepted and I'm inferior
37:47
Speaker 1: in my own self. That's why men have that that fear,
37:50
Speaker 1: because they don't want to be overtaken by the better man.
37:53
Speaker 1: That's what the long term we're committed is crucial, because
37:57
Speaker 1: then when the fucking the dude rides in out of
38:00
Speaker 1: field on his horse and he's smart and funny and rich,
38:03
Speaker 1: and I'm still like, I'm good because you're not gonna
38:08
Speaker 1: be there when this season passes, You're gonna be gone.
38:11
Speaker 1: But I shouldn't have the possession to be like, well,
38:14
Speaker 1: you can't be in my wife's life at all, because
38:17
Speaker 1: what if they don't even have sex, What if he
38:18
Speaker 1: has a business opportunity, what if he has opportunity. This
38:22
Speaker 1: connection is like, I feel like relationships are worth way
38:26
Speaker 1: more than money. Like I want to facilitate as many wholesome,
38:30
Speaker 1: fruitful relationships as possible. You learn from other people if
38:33
Speaker 1: it's just me and you, and then we get this
38:36
Speaker 1: echo chamber of like our problems and we're just reciprocating
38:39
Speaker 1: what we already know. We're not letting in new information.
38:42
Speaker 1: So part of what we wanted to do, my wife
38:44
Speaker 1: and I was have a podcast called Open. It's not
38:47
Speaker 1: about just the open relationship. It's about being open to
38:50
Speaker 1: new information, new ideas, new people, new opportunities to come
38:54
Speaker 1: to you. Because look at when you walk around with
38:56
Speaker 1: closed doors, the best thing ever might walk right past
38:59
Speaker 1: you just deflect off and never come back. With this
39:02
Speaker 1: open line of communication with my wife, I'm not afraid
39:05
Speaker 1: to have the most challenging, difficult conversation with the person
39:07
Speaker 1: that's most important to me. So y'all both haired or sexual, Yeah, yeah,
39:11
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not attracted that man at all. Like sexually,
39:14
Speaker 1: I'm I'm attracted to men in a way that's like
39:17
Speaker 1: a matter of fact, like that dude is the man,
39:20
Speaker 1: whether it's his energy, Well, you know, and that's something
39:23
Speaker 1: that's good man for you to even admit that, because
39:25
Speaker 1: in the black community, that's where the big homie ship
39:28
Speaker 1: come from. You know what I'm saying, Those memes that
39:31
Speaker 1: go around on Instagram like, oh men like other men
39:34
Speaker 1: for money too, they just call them big homies. They
39:36
Speaker 1: got call a newborn baby big homies. You got more
39:39
Speaker 1: money exactly. Thank you dealing Lane for absolutely. Thank you.
39:43
Speaker 1: I want to see you a lot more time. Man.
39:48
Speaker 1: That was a good ass conversation. Man, dam you would
39:51
Speaker 1: an open relationship or nah, I don't know, girl life.
39:54
Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like I could be down with that,
39:56
Speaker 1: but then I just think about how jealous I am
39:58
Speaker 1: in real relationships and and probably wouldn't work. Honestly, you whack.
40:03
Speaker 1: I'm not there yet. Maybe when I get older, when
40:05
Speaker 1: I get like real tired of me, get you another
40:08
Speaker 1: bitch in here. So guys, well, y'all, if you enjoyed
40:15
Speaker 1: this episode, tune in every Thursday on the I Heart
40:19
Speaker 1: Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts at. Yeah
40:22
Speaker 1: we love y'all. Come back