Latest / Women Who Lead: Leadership, Career & Influence / Stop Chasing 'Best Life': Why Peace Is The Real Win | Women Who Lead
Transcript
- I used to think happiness was a destination I had to earn, like a promotion or a corner office. Then I realized I was running on a treadmill that was already moving too fast. Let’s get real for a second. How many times have you told yourself, "Once I land this client, then I’ll relax"? Or "When my kids are older, then I’ll finally breathe"? We treat our lives like a series of checkpoints. We believe that once we cross the finish line of one goal, we get to enter this golden state of being where everything is easy and perfect. But here is the truth that kept me up at night during my Fortune 500 days: there is no such place. And even if there were, it would be boring. I spent years chasing this idea of a "best life." I thought it was a trophy I could put on the shelf. It wasn’t. It was a mirage. Every time I got closer, the horizon moved further away. I was exhausted. Not just physically, but spiritually. I felt like I was constantly failing because I couldn’t maintain this impossible standard of joy. I was waiting for permission to feel good, and the world never gave it to me. So, what if we flip the script? What if living your best life isn’t a goal you achieve, but a state you inhabit? Think about the difference between those two things. A goal is external. It’s something you do. You hit the gym, you close the deal, you buy the house. A state is internal. It’s how you show up. It’s the quality of your attention. It’s the depth of your presence. When you shift from chasing a goal to cultivating a state, the pressure drops off your shoulders. You stop asking, "Did I make it?" and start asking, "Am I here?" This is hard for high achievers. We are wired for output. We measure our worth by what we produce. But influence, real sustainable influence, comes from who you are when no one is watching. It comes from your ability to be calm in chaos, to listen deeply, to trust your gut. That is a state. That is something you can practice today, right now, in the middle of a messy Tuesday. You don’t have to do it all at once, but you do have to pay attention. What’s the cost of that silence? The silence where you ignore your own needs because you’re focused on the next big win? I see women doing this all the time. They burn out their bodies to build their brands. They sacrifice their peace to secure their status. And then they wonder why they feel empty. It’s not emptiness. It’s disconnection. You’ve disconnected from your own rhythm. You’ve treated your life like a project to be managed rather than an experience to be lived. Let’s talk about that boundary. The one you’re afraid to set because you think it will hurt your career. It won’t. It will save it. When you operate from a state of wholeness, you make better decisions. You speak with more clarity. You attract people who respect your energy, not just your results. But you can’t access that wholeness if you’re always looking forward, always rushing toward the next thing. You have to stop. Just for a minute. Breathe. Feel your feet on the ground. Remind yourself that you are already enough, exactly as you are, in this moment. I remember talking to a listener recently who was terrified of sending her work out before it was perfect. She was hiding her messy drafts. She thought perfection was the price of admission. But I told her, and I’m telling you now, that your mess is your humanity. Your imperfections are what make you relatable. They are what make you human. When you try to curate a perfect image, you create distance. People connect with struggle. They connect with growth. They connect with the real you. So let go of the need to have it all figured out. Embrace the messy draft. Write the email that feels slightly awkward. Have the conversation that makes you uncomfortable. Take the risk that might fail. In doing so, you are not failing. You are practicing the state of courage. You are choosing authenticity over approval. And that is where true power lives. Not in the polished final product, but in the brave, shaky first step. So how do we actually do this? How do we cultivate this state of being instead of chasing it? Start small. Pick one thing you do every day and do it with full attention. Maybe it’s drinking your coffee. Really taste it. Feel the warmth. Notice the steam. Don’t check your phone. Don’t plan your day. Just drink the coffee. Maybe it’s walking to your car. Feel the air on your skin. Hear the birds. See the light through the trees. These moments seem trivial, but they are the building blocks of a life well-lived. They anchor you in the present. They remind you that life is happening now, not later. When you practice presence, you become less reactive. You stop letting external events dictate your internal mood. You become the steady center in the storm. This is leadership. This is influence. It’s not about controlling others. It’s about mastering yourself. It’s about showing up as your most authentic self, regardless of the circumstances. And that is a skill you can learn. It takes practice. It takes patience. But it is worth every ounce of effort. We need to redefine success. For too long, we’ve equated success with speed. Faster promotions, faster growth, faster results. But speed kills sustainability. If you run at full throttle all the time, you will blow an engine. You will burn out. And then what? You’ll have to start over. Sustainable success is slower. It’s steadier. It’s built on rest, reflection, and recalibration. It’s built on knowing when to push and when to pause. It’s built on trusting your intuition. Your body knows when you’re off track. Your mind knows when you’re doubting yourself. Listen to them. Honor them. They are your greatest allies. When you align your actions with your values, you create a life that feels good from the inside out. You don’t need validation from anyone else. You have your own compass. And that compass is pointing you toward a life that is rich, meaningful, and deeply satisfying. Not because of what you have, but because of who you are becoming. Here is my invitation to you. Today, I want you to drop the rope. Stop pulling yourself toward some future ideal. Stop judging yourself for not being there yet. Instead, plant your feet. Stand firm in who you are. Claim this moment. It is yours. You are not behind. You are not falling short. You are exactly where you need to be to take the next right step. Trust that process. Trust yourself. You have everything you need within you. You have survived every hard day so far. You have learned from every mistake. You have grown from every challenge. You are resilient. You are capable. You are worthy. Not because of what you do, but because of who you are. So take a deep breath. Let your shoulders drop. Unclench your jaw. Smile, even if it’s small. Feel that shift? That is the state. That is the best life. It’s not a destination. It’s a choice. Choose to be here. Choose to be present. Choose to be you. I’m Deborah Doyle. Keep leading, keep being real, and I’ll see you in the next one.