Latest / RealTalkwithMikeD / Episode 74 - Having the Weight of the World on Your Shoulders, and feeling like you are Drowning!

Transcript

Episode 74 - Having the Weight of the World on Your Shoulders, and feeling like you are Drowning! · RealTalkwithMikeD

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Real Talk with Mike D. Alright, welcome back
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: to Real Talk with Mike D. I am the one,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: the only, and the original Mike D. And this is
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: the place where we keep it honest. We keep it
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: real and we talk about the things that a lot
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: of people think about but don't always have the courage
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: to say out loud. Ladies and gentlemen, I am your
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: host Mike D. And today I want to talk about
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: something that I think a lot of us can relate to.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Something that doesn't always show in your face. Something you
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: can't always explain to your friends or your family. Something
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: that you might carry around every single day while the
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: rest of the world thinks you're doing just fine. I'm
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: talking about having the weight of the world on your shoulders.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: The feeling like you're trying to hold everything together but
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: deep down inside you are falling apart. That feeling like
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: you're drowning and everybody around you expects you to keep swimming.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: And that is the hardest part. Sometimes you don't even
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: know how much longer you can keep treading water. Now
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: let's talk about just that. Because this episode is for
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: anybody who's tired. Anybody who's overwhelmed. Anybody who's smiling on
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: the outside but fighting a battle on the inside. And
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: if that is you today, I want you to know
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: something right from the beginning. You're not weak. Because you're struggling.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: You're human. Have you ever had one of those mornings
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: when you wake up, open your eyes, and before your
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: feet even hit the floor, you already feel exhausted? You
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: haven't even started your day yet, and you're already thinking
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: about everything you have to do. You've got responsibilities, you
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: have bills to pay, you've got work, you've got a family,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: you've got problems that need solutions. And you've got worries
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: that seem to multiply overnight, and somewhere in the middle
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: of all that, you're supposed to take care of yourself
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: as well. How the hell are we supposed to do
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: all that? Seriously? Who came up with this system where
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: we're expected to wake up every morning, go to work,
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: pay our bills, handle our responsibilities, maintain relationships, chase our dreams,
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: and somehow keep a smile on our faces like everything
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: is absolutely wonderful? Oh, and don't forget to drink eight
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: glasses of water. get enough sleep, exercise, eat healthy, and
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: practice self-care. Self-care? Sometimes self-care is getting through the day
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: without losing your mind. Life can be overwhelming and sometimes
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: it isn't one enormous problem that brings you to your knees.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: It's a hundred little things piling up until you can't
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: see over the top anymore. Maybe it's the bill you
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: weren't expecting. It's the car making that strange noise that
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: you know is going to cost you a shit ton
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: of money. It's the conversation you've been avoiding. It's the
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: uncertainty about your future. It's wondering whether you're doing enough,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: whether you're good enough, and whether all this hard work
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: is actually going to lead somewhere. It seems like it's
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: one thing after another, and you keep telling yourself, I'll
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: deal with it. I'll figure it out. I will get
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: through this. But what happens when you've been saying that
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: for months? What happens when every time you solve one problem,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: another one takes its place? Eventually, you get tired. Not
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: just physically tired. I'm talking about the deep down exhaustion
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: that a good night's sleep doesn't always fix. Your mind
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: won't shut off. Your shoulders feel tense. Your patience gets shorter.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Little things bother you more than they used to. And
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: you start asking yourself, why does everything have to be
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: so damn difficult? Ladies and gentlemen, that's a real question.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: And sometimes there isn't an easy answer. And here's something
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: else that I've noticed about life. When people see you
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: handling your responsibilities, they assume you're okay. You show up
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: for work, you're okay. You answer the phone, you're okay.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: you make people laugh, you're okay. You ask somebody else
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: how they're doing, you're okay. But nobody sees what happens
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: when you finally get home, when you close the door,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: when you sit down and have a moment alone with
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: your thoughts. Nobody sees the exhaustion behind your smile. Nobody
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: hears the conversations you have with yourself at two o'clock
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: in the morning. Nobody sees you lying in bed staring
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: at the ceiling wondering how you're going to make everything work.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: And because you keep showing up, people keep expecting you
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: to show up. They get comfortable with your strength. They
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: forget that strong people get tired too. They forget that
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: the person everybody depends on might need somebody to depend
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: on themselves. And sometimes the person who always says, don't worry,
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: I'll take care of it, is the same person who's
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: quietly wondering who's going to take care of them. Think
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: about that for a minute. How many times have you
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: helped somebody else through a difficult situation when you were
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: struggling yourself? How many times have you listened to somebody
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: else's problems while keeping your own bottled up? How many
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: times have you said, I'm good? when the truth was
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: you weren't good at all. I think a lot of
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: us do it because we don't want to burden anybody.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: We don't want people worrying about us. We don't want
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: to look weak. And sometimes we simply don't know how
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: to explain what we're feeling. How do you tell somebody
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: that you're overwhelmed when you can't even identify everything that's
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: overwhelming you? How do you explain that you're scared about
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: the future when nothing specific has happened yet? And how
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: do you tell somebody you're struggling when on paper your
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: life might look perfectly normal? Sometimes you don't need somebody
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: to fix your problems. You just need somebody to sit
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: beside you and say, I hear you. I know things
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: are hard right now. You don't have to pretend with me.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: That kind of support can mean more than people realize.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Because being strong shouldn't mean being alone. Now, I want
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: to talk about the feeling of drowning. Imagine you're out
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: in the ocean. The waves keep coming. You manage to
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: get your head above water. Take a breath. And before
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: you catch your breath again, another wave hits you. You
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: fight your way back up. You try to stay calm.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: You tell yourself, you can do this. But the waves
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: don't stop. That's what life can feel like sometimes. You
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: get through one difficult week and the next one is worse.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: You finally feel like you're getting your finances under control
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: and something unexpected happens. You start feeling hopeful about the
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: future and then doubt creeps back in. You have a
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: good day and you almost feel guilty for enjoying it
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: because you know there are still problems waiting for you tomorrow.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: It is exhausting. And the worst part is that when
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: you're drowning emotionally, the world doesn't necessarily slow down to
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: give you time to catch your breath. Your alarm still
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: goes off. Your responsibilities are still there. Bills, they don't disappear.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: People still need things from you. Life keeps moving even
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: when you feel like you're barely holding on. And sometimes
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: you wonder how everybody else seems to be managing. You
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: look around and see people going on vacations, buying houses,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: getting married, building careers, and posting pictures of their wonderful
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: lives and you think, what am I doing wrong? Why
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: does it feel like I'm struggling just to keep my
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: head above water? But here is something important to remember.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: You are comparing your private struggles with somebody else's public moments.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: You see their pictures not their sleepless nights. You see
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: their accomplishments not necessarily the sacrifices it took to get there.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: You see the smile but you don't know what's happening
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: behind it. And even if somebody else really is having
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: an easier time than you That doesn't mean you're failing
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: because we're all living different lives. We're all carrying different burdens.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: And you don't have to measure your progress against somebody
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: else's timeline. And you certainly don't have to punish yourself
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: because your journey looks different. Sometimes the victory isn't getting ahead.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: Sometimes the victory is making it through a difficult day
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: without giving up on yourself. And sometimes the victory is
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: getting out of bed when you don't like facing the world.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Or sometimes it's just asking for help. Or sometimes it's
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: simply admitting, I'm not okay today. Now, I want to
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: be honest about one more thing. Money can put an
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: incredible amount of pressure on a person. You work hard,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: you show up, You do what you're supposed to do.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: And then payday comes. And before you can even enjoy it,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: the money is all spoken for. Rent, your mortgage, utilities
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: and groceries, insurance, gas, credit cards, maybe unexpected expenses, and
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: somehow you're supposed to save for retirement. build an emergency fund,
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: plan for the future, maybe enjoy a little bit of
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: life along the way. Sometimes you look at your paycheck
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: and wonder whether it even had a chance to stop
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: at your bank account before everybody else claimed their share.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: You laugh because if you don't, you might cry. And
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: financial stress isn't just about the numbers, it's about what
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: those numbers represent. It's the fear of not having enough.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: It's the fear of an unexpected expense. It's wondering whether
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: you're ever going to get to a place where you
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: can breathe without worrying about money. It's wanting to do
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: more for the people you love, but feeling frustrated because
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: your resources don't always match your intentions. And that can
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: make you feel like you're failing, even when you're working
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: incredibly hard. But hear me when I say this. Your
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: bank account does not determine your worth as a human being.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Your financial struggles are not a complete picture of who
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: you are. You can be hardworking, generous, loving, talented, and
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: full of potential while still having financial problems. Those things
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: can all be true at the same time, and if
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: you're struggling financially, take things one step at a time.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Look at what you can control. Ask for advice if
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: you need it. Make a plan when you're ready, but
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: don't spend every waking moment beating yourself up over where
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: you are today. You deserve some peace while you're working
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: toward a better situation. And remember, your life is bigger
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: than your bills. There are still moments worth experiencing. There
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: are still people worth loving, and there are still dreams
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: worth pursuing. Don't let financial pressure convince you that your
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: entire life is nothing but a problem that needs solving.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: You're a person. You're not a spreadsheet. And you deserve
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: to live as well. You know, let's talk a little
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: bit about getting older. Because I think one of the
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: hardest parts of getting older is realizing that life doesn't
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: always turn out the way you imagined it would. When
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: you're younger... You have all these ideas about what your
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: life is going to look like. You imagine where you'll be,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: what you'll accomplish, who you'll love, and how everything will
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: eventually fall into place. You think that if you work hard,
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: make good decisions, and keep pushing forward, you'll eventually reach
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: a point where everything feels settled. Then life happens. Plans change.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: Relationships change. Opportunities come and go. Sometimes you make mistakes.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Sometimes other people let you down. Sometimes you do everything
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: you know how to do and still get the result
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: you hope for. And suddenly you're looking at your life
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: and asking, is this where I thought I'd be? That
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: question can hurt, especially when you feel like time is
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: moving faster than you can keep up with. You wonder,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: whether you missed your chance. You wonder whether it's too
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: late to find love, start something new, change careers, maybe
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: pursue a dream or finally build the life you've always wanted.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: And the world doesn't help because it seems like everybody
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: has an opinion about what you should have accomplished by
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: a certain age. You should have done this by now.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: You should be doing that by now. You should have
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: everything figured out. You know, who decided that your life
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: has to follow somebody else's schedule? Who decided that your
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: dreams come with an expiration date? Who decided that struggling
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: means you've somehow fallen behind? You are allowed to change direction.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: You are allowed to start over. You are allowed to
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: admit that life, the life you built, isn't the life
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: you want anymore. You are allowed to want something different
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: and you are allowed to be proud of yourself for
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: surviving things that other people might never understand. Maybe you
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: aren't exactly where you hoped you'd be. That doesn't mean
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: you're never going to get there. Maybe you're still trying
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: to figure things out. That doesn't mean you're incapable. Maybe
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: you're scared. That doesn't mean you have to stop moving forward.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: You don't have to solve the next 10 years of
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: your life today. You only have to consider what the
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: next step might be. And ladies and gentlemen, sometimes that
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: is enough. Now, here is a tough question. What happens
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: when the person who is always helping everybody else is
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: the one who needs help? Do you know how to
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: ask for it? Or do you automatically say, I'm fine.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: Because you've become so accustomed to being the strong one.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of people struggle with that. We're
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: comfortable being the person somebody calls when things go wrong.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: We know how to offer advice. We know how to listen.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: We know how to encourage somebody who has lost hope.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: But when it comes to ourselves, suddenly, we don't know
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: what to do. We tell ourselves that other people have
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: bigger problems. We convince ourselves that we should be able
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: to handle everything. We think asking for help means we're
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: admitting defeat. But that's not what it means. Asking for
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: help means recognizing that you're a human being with limits.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: It means understanding that you weren't designed to carry every
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: burden by yourself. And it means giving the people who
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: care about you an opportunity to show up for you.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: You don't have to tell everybody your business. You don't
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: have to explain every single detail of your life. Just
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: start with one person you trust. Tell them the truth.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Maybe tell them, I've been feeling overwhelmed lately and I
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: could really use somebody who could listen. You might be
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: surprised by what happens when you stop pretending everything is okay.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: And if the weight you're carrying has become too much
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: to manage on your own, Talk with a mental health professional.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: That can be meaningful as well. It's the first step.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: You don't need to wait until you're at your breaking point.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: You deserve support. You deserve support now. And please remember this.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: You don't have to earn the right to rest by
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: exhausting yourself first. You don't have to prove you're strong
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: by suffering in silence. You don't have to carry the
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: whole world just because you've been carrying it for a
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: long time. Put some of that weight down. Let somebody
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: help you. Ladies and gentlemen, that is going to do
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: it for today's episode. I greatly appreciate you listening. I
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: greatly appreciate you being here. And I know a lot
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: of us sometimes carry the weight of the world on
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: our shoulders, myself included. For years and years and years,
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I've carried so much weight on my shoulders that at
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: times it became unbearable. I had nobody I felt I
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: could talk to. And if there was somebody I could
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: talk to, I didn't feel comfortable opening up and telling
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: them my problems because I'm strong. I felt weak if
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I opened up and told people my problems. I can
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: handle it. I can do this. Tomorrow will be a
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: better day. But I want you to know that that
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: weight on your shoulders does not go away. It continues
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: to get heavier and heavier and heavier until you reach
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: your breaking point. And that is exactly where you do
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: not want to be. So if you're feeling that, And
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: if you're in that situation, please reach out to a friend,
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: a family member, and just talk. Just say, I need
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: you to listen to me. And hopefully that weight will
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: get a little bit lighter. Anyhow, I hope you all
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: have a great day. Please be the reason someone smiles,
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: and I will see you all on the next episode.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Thank you.