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"Manhood vs. Fatherhood: Why Having a Baby Won't Make Him a Man" · Relationship Coaching Group Podcast

0:11
SPEAKER_01: Hello, wonderful listeners.
0:13
SPEAKER_01: I'm Roxanne, your host, and welcome to another exciting podcast.
0:21
SPEAKER_01: But let me start by saying today's conversation may make some of you uncomfortable.
0:27
SPEAKER_01: Having a baby won't make him a man.
0:30
SPEAKER_01: A baby can make someone a father, but fatherhood and manhood require something much, much deeper than just the pregnancy test.
0:39
SPEAKER_01: Now here's a note.
0:41
SPEAKER_01: A baby doesn't magically install maturity, responsibility, communication skills, nor commitment.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: That should be pre-installed.
0:52
SPEAKER_01: And before we continue, I want to say hello to the professor, my co-host.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: Hello, professor.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: Mess some people.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: Whoa, well, hey, how you doing?
1:12
SPEAKER_01: Doing great.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: Doing wonderfully well.
1:13
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: Good, good, good, good, good.
1:15
SPEAKER_00: Are you excited about our topic?
1:18
SPEAKER_00: Yes, because you know this is this is one of those that we we deal with on a regular basis.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: So this is far too often.
1:27
SPEAKER_00: This is uh a big deal.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: But before we get started, I gotta give a big shout-out to our listeners.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, listeners.
1:35
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, all the love and support.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, um, people who've come up to us in the coffee shops, buy us coffee.
1:45
SPEAKER_00: So we decided to add you can buy us a coffee to our uh um our podcast in the little section there.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: You can click on that and you can buy us a coffee because people keep saying, Oh, we want to we know you guys love coffee.
2:02
SPEAKER_00: So I didn't even know about this buy us a coffee thing.
2:05
SPEAKER_00: So I just learned about that.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: So I just talked to the girls at the office and they just made it happen.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: So beautiful.
2:11
SPEAKER_01: I'm excited about that.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: Got it going.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: Because you know, we love our coffee and we do.
2:16
SPEAKER_01: We're we're coffee addicts, and we we have people that have been zelling us for coffee.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: Coffee money.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and because they know that I gotta have my coffee, gotta have my caffeine.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, just if you want to buy us coffee, that's great.
2:31
SPEAKER_00: Um, and just so you know, if you buy us a coffee, sometimes we don't use it for ourselves.
2:37
SPEAKER_00: We're guilty.
2:38
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we'll buy uh neighborhood kids or we might buy someone else a coffee.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: Um we love supporting local uh kids, especially in orphanages and stuff like that.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: So um we don't always keep the money to ourselves.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: We sometimes buy stuff for others.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: We love we we love you guys.
3:02
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
3:02
SPEAKER_00: We love you guys and uh pull up the chairs, folks, because this one is about to tickle some people.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: Well, before um I'm gonna make it light going in, okay?
3:16
SPEAKER_01: Having a baby, thinking that your man is gonna grow up is like buying a gym membership, hoping that it gives you muscles.
3:31
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna start it off light.
3:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh you are you come up with some stuff.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: Well, I I like to you should have your own comedy show.
3:42
SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness, no, that's not gonna work.
3:45
SPEAKER_01: But I love put throwing in a few little one-liners.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: One-liners, little yeah, little funny bone comments.
3:54
SPEAKER_01: But seriously, a baby creates responsibility, but it doesn't create character.
4:00
SPEAKER_01: And having a baby, Professor, I think you would agree, and and I'm sure all of our listeners who've experienced it, uh it's an enormous responsibility.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: That's an understatement.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:13
SPEAKER_00: It is a m put it this way: buying a car, buying a house is less responsibility than having a kids.
4:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, yes.
4:24
SPEAKER_01: Because you don't have to send your house to school.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: No.
4:26
SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to buy uh send them to college.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: Every time they they have they start basketball, so you're gonna buy a new this football.
4:35
SPEAKER_00: There's always something.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: But a girl's always something, cheerleader, it's always something.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's not cheap.
4:40
SPEAKER_01: It isn't, it isn't.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: And some women go into a relationship and think that you know having a baby, it's going to help them, you know, as a as a daughter.
4:51
SPEAKER_01: It's gonna make them a man, but and it's gonna make them responsible.
4:54
SPEAKER_01: But a man who is irresponsible for the baby may continue to be that way afterwards.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: Let me just say this before we go.
5:02
SPEAKER_00: Say this before we go on.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: I want to make it clear.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: Nowhere in here are we man bashing or woman bashing or you know, any of that stuff.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: Because there's some damn good fathers out there.
5:17
SPEAKER_00: I have a father's group, there's some awesome men out there.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: So we're not bashing that.
5:22
SPEAKER_00: What we're saying is make a choice.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: Yes, pick wisely, choose wisely, yes.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: The man that's gonna have your child, that's gonna father your child or be the sperm donor needs to be a good person.
5:38
SPEAKER_00: Yes, a good man.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: Not a not a man pretending to be a man.
5:44
SPEAKER_01: Right.
5:45
SPEAKER_01: And and and why we're bringing this topic is because we see so many women, young women, middle-aged women, and and even in their early 40s, bringing in a child for someone who they know is not responsible.
6:01
SPEAKER_01: They know and and that's why we just felt this the need to bring this topic.
6:05
SPEAKER_01: So again, as professors say, we're not bashing on anyone.
6:09
SPEAKER_01: We just want to help someone.
6:12
SPEAKER_00: Because understand that a baby doesn't make the relationship.
6:18
SPEAKER_01: Exactly, exactly.
6:20
SPEAKER_01: And you know, again, if if the men you're choosing to be the father, know that if he's someone that you can't depend on before the baby, what makes you think that you'll be able to uh depend on him after the baby?
6:38
SPEAKER_01: That's facts.
6:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
6:40
SPEAKER_00: If you can depend on him when before you even got pregnant, that if you were sick and you had a cold or something and you needed chicken soup or you know, you needed some help to put a paint on the wall and they were never there for you, what makes you think they're gonna be there for the baby?
6:58
SPEAKER_01: Exactly, exactly.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: And and it it's again, we we just can't stress you know how important it is to know who you're choosing to be the father of your child, right, Professor?
7:12
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
7:13
SPEAKER_01: You have a choice.
7:14
SPEAKER_01: Women have the choice.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: Well, men have a choice too, but women are the ones that's gonna be carrying the baby.
7:22
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
7:23
SPEAKER_01: Going through the nine months of carrying this baby.
7:26
SPEAKER_01: So we we we just you know, we just wanna make sure that we treat this topic with kid gloves.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm not doing any kid gloves.
7:37
SPEAKER_00: Okay, you know me.
7:38
SPEAKER_01: With facts.
7:39
SPEAKER_01: We we come we do come with facts.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm giving it to you straight because we both do.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: We yeah, we're not gonna mince words here.
7:46
SPEAKER_00: You know if them if you're gonna have a baby for a man.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: That's a big risk.
7:51
SPEAKER_00: That's that's a big responsibility.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: The baby doesn't keep a man.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: Too many women.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm uh I have his I have your baby.
7:57
SPEAKER_00: Uh okay.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: Then he's gone.
8:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: And then now every man is a dirt bag, every man sucks, every man's this.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: Well, you have responsibility in this too.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: You could have you you could have kept that cookie locked up.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: Well.
8:14
SPEAKER_01: Hello.
8:15
SPEAKER_01: Yep, yep.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: And you know, here's here's a little light.
8:20
SPEAKER_01: Having a baby won't turn a man into a responsible adult any more than putting on an apron on somebody and turning them into a chef.
8:30
SPEAKER_00: I like that.
8:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:33
SPEAKER_00: I like that.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: Say that again.
8:35
SPEAKER_01: Having a baby won't turn a man into a responsible adult any more than putting an apron on somebody and they turn into a chef.
8:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, isn't that the truth?
8:47
SPEAKER_00: You know, so too many, too many think that having a baby's gonna one, it's going to change that that person, that man.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: Maybe in very rare cases, uh a man has a child and he grows up overnight and this bees the best dad in the world.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: There are some.
9:08
SPEAKER_00: Not saying it doesn't happen, but there's there's some.
9:10
SPEAKER_00: Right.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: But if you're having a baby to trap a man or to make him stay, it don't work.
9:17
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't work.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't, and you know, in today's society, it that's why we're seeing it more and more in today's society that you'll even have irresponsible men who are one who are afraid of commitment, afraid of be that can't be responsible.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: And they're asking these ladies, young ladies, these ladies, to have their baby.
9:43
SPEAKER_01: And what do a lot of these women do?
9:45
SPEAKER_01: Have their babies.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: Because they go, Oh, yeah, he wants me to have and they'll have this baby.
9:52
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, they're so cute.
9:54
SPEAKER_01: He loves me so much.
9:56
SPEAKER_01: Right.
9:56
SPEAKER_01: Oh.
9:57
SPEAKER_01: And what happens too is that they have a baby, and he shows that he's irresponsible.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: He shows that he can't keep a job, he shows that he's not real he that he's out there having his fun, as they say, having his cake and eating it too, and sometimes literally.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: But um but anyway, um, I don't I think you missed that, Professor.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: But they'll come back and have another one.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: He took the words right out of my mouth.
10:27
SPEAKER_01: And they'll have an they'll come back and what?
10:29
SPEAKER_00: Have another one.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
10:32
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: You you got women out there with two, three babies for the same guy who's not there for the first time.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: Right.
10:42
SPEAKER_01: I love him.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: He might change.
10:46
SPEAKER_01: He's gonna change, yeah.
10:47
SPEAKER_01: Or stop it.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: Or I thought I I thought he changed.
10:51
SPEAKER_01: No, he showed you who he was.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I get the point about having cake and eat you too.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: Literally.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: Now, you just got it be a little bit slow, Professor.
11:05
SPEAKER_01: Wake up.
11:07
SPEAKER_01: Get that coffee.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: If you want us, if you want Professor to wake up, send him that coffee.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: All right.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: A baby needs more than a father's name on the birth certificate.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: They need consistent emotional presence, stability, and care.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: It takes a lot to raise a child.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you, the the stats show it.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: A two parent family.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: Oh, kids grow up to be way better citizens, way better uh individuals, and socially inept.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: That means they can figure shit out, they can function through life.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: It's yeah, that's facts.
11:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: They they they do advance because in a child in many areas.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: Because growing up, they depend on mother, then they depend on the father, then they depend on the mother, then they're the parents have big influence over the kids.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
12:01
SPEAKER_00: So if you don't have a dad there, you've just shortchanged that kid's life.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to hear, oh, my mother, my uh my mom was a single mom, I was okay, you're just okay.
12:13
SPEAKER_00: What would it have been if a father was in your life?
12:16
SPEAKER_01: But now sometimes, Professor, they they have role models.
12:20
SPEAKER_01: You know, if if the mother's in church, if being a single single parent, if the mother's in church, you know, they may have role models, which which is which is fine.
12:29
SPEAKER_01: But we do have a lot of single moms who do a great job.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: But yes, it is better, and I'm sure they would they would vouch that it would have been nice to have uh the a father around.
12:43
SPEAKER_01: Oh, thanks.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: Because because you have some, yeah.
12:46
SPEAKER_01: There's great some cases that you yeah.
12:48
SPEAKER_01: But that's not what it should be.
12:50
SPEAKER_01: Right.
12:51
SPEAKER_01: Well, in some cases they can't help it.
12:53
SPEAKER_01: It may be a passing of Oh, yeah.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm we're not talking about that.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: We're right about right.
12:58
SPEAKER_01: That that the father's around somewhere.
13:00
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: You pick that.
13:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'll be the ones that you know they've lost their loved one, but no, we're talking about or or or you know, and the one that ends up in jail.
13:10
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
13:11
SPEAKER_00: Pick wisely.
13:12
SPEAKER_01: Right, yes, because of the interest.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: That's you're not taking care of your kid by yourself.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: A lot of times it's parent, grandparent, uh, uh, uncles, aunties, they're all helping, and you've put the bird on everybody else.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
13:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a thought.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: That's a thought.
13:29
SPEAKER_00: I have I listen, I have a client that right now her her mother is taking care of the baby.
13:36
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that that's that's and the mother is part of the session because the grandmother is part of the session.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: Because she's like, I wanted to to go and take cruises and travel and do stuff.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: Right.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: But she said, I don't mind having a grandbaby, but I wasn't expecting for my grandbaby to be with me 24-7.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: Right.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: Right.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you have that is uh not uncommon to have where the the mother, young mother, whether she's a teen or what have you, are just not able to take care of that child.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: It goes to generally the the uh the grandmother of the of the child of the baby.
14:15
SPEAKER_01: And you have to ask yourself though, are you are you are you having a baby to save the relationship?
14:22
SPEAKER_01: You know, that he'll finally take me serious.
14:25
SPEAKER_01: Uh he won't, like you said, Professor, he won't leave me.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: He he'll marry me.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: A baby is not relationship glue.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love that.
14:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: But they do, they treat it so the baby is gonna make everything stick around.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: Ooh.
14:42
SPEAKER_00: You used it, yeah, you like that.
14:43
SPEAKER_01: I like I like that one.
14:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:45
SPEAKER_00: I'm getting good at this.
14:48
SPEAKER_01: Now, if communication or the relationship is already broken, adding a baby usually means adding sleepless nights, financial responsibilities, disagreements about parenting, right?
15:00
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: New levels of stress, which is never a sweet addition to an already broken relationship.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: Let me paint a picture for you of what Oh, you're a painter painter now.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: I'm a painter.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Okay, go ahead.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm painting this picture of what a good father is.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: He's with you from the moment he laid with you until that baby comes.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: He when you when you feel like that pickles and ice cream, right?
15:26
SPEAKER_00: He's getting it.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: You know, when you want peanut butter and watermelon sandwich, he's there.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: You know?
15:33
SPEAKER_00: Right.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: When the baby is born, he's when at night when the baby is crying, he's there.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: Everywhere he goes, he takes the baby.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: That's that's that's his right of die.
15:44
SPEAKER_00: Oh, nice.
15:45
SPEAKER_00: That's the that's a dad.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: That's a parent.
15:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you should be looking for those qualities in a man before you lay with a man.
15:55
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
15:55
SPEAKER_00: And that's what I was about to say.
15:56
SPEAKER_00: You'll you'll see those qualities, won't you?
15:59
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you you make yourself see them qualities.
16:01
SPEAKER_00: Right.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: Fake qualities.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: Fake news.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: Red flags as decorations.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, they're trying to turn the red flags into green flags.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: Well, that doesn't happen.
16:14
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't work.
16:15
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't work.
16:16
SPEAKER_01: So many people do that.
16:17
SPEAKER_01: Yes, you're right.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: And then you have to ask yourself, will a baby make him commit?
16:22
SPEAKER_01: Now, if you won't commit before the baby, again, what makes you think that he'll commit afterwards?
16:28
SPEAKER_00: Hello.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: There's your sign.
16:31
SPEAKER_01: Um a man might become a father without becoming the partner you hope he'd be.
16:37
SPEAKER_01: Now, if someone can be biologically connected to your child and still be emotionally unavailable to you, how do you feel about that?
16:47
SPEAKER_01: You know, yeah, he your child has the biology, but you you have no connection to that father that you were expecting to have.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: That is so common.
16:59
SPEAKER_00: It is, it is.
17:01
SPEAKER_00: I know I'm probably jumping the gun here, but if you happen to find a man, a good man, after you've had a child and he takes care of that child, and there are some good men out there that take care of other men's children.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: Yes, oh yes.
17:17
SPEAKER_00: Yes, kudos.
17:18
SPEAKER_00: Kudos to them.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: Yes, thumbs up.
17:20
SPEAKER_00: I I'm giving you mega praise right now.
17:23
SPEAKER_00: But the more kids you have, your dating pool has got less and less and less because a man doesn't want to take on that big type of responsibility.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: One he can work with typically, yeah.
17:36
SPEAKER_00: One he can work with, two, three, hell no.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: And you see it all.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: It gets it does get harder the more.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: It gets harder and harder, especially if you have all girls.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: A lot of men are not gonna mess with that.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: Right.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: And because of what the situation it brings.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: Right.
17:52
SPEAKER_00: So you have to think about all those things as a woman when you look for the person that you want to carry his seed inside you.
18:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: There has to be a lot uh a lot of thought.
18:09
SPEAKER_01: Yes, a lot of thought, not just oops, uh Listen, there's plenty of protective stuff out, and I don't need to go on about all that stuff.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: But if you're gonna lay with someone and you just it's just for fun or whatever, fine.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: But if you're not gonna have protection, then you've got to be prepared for the consequences.
18:25
SPEAKER_00: Right.
18:26
SPEAKER_00: And then don't go screaming, oh my god, where's he?
18:28
SPEAKER_00: He's not here for me.
18:29
SPEAKER_00: Well, you didn't pick the right guy.
18:32
SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: It's yeah, it you be careful with with your choices.
18:37
SPEAKER_01: Now, now we know that a baby's last name doesn't come with a boyfriend or husband upgrade.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: Nope.
18:44
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't, that doesn't just cause the baby has the last name that is you're not gonna get an upgrade.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: No.
18:51
SPEAKER_01: And don't be confused put with potential and reality.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: Don't confuse the two.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: Because sometimes we fall in love with who they could become, as you mentioned.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: How they want them to become.
19:05
SPEAKER_01: That too, rather than accepting who they really are today.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
19:11
SPEAKER_00: You can't look at someone today and say, Oh, if I have a baby, they're gonna be good and it by the time I get have give birth, they're gonna be they're gonna be perfect.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: Really?
19:21
SPEAKER_01: Or or you may think that when I have the when I have his baby, he'll change, he'll stop cheating, he'll get a job.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: He'll finally, you know, he'll he'll finally show me respect.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't come necessarily with the baby if he's not sure, and that's what we want you we want our listeners to know.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: You have to look at what's in front of you, yeah.
19:44
SPEAKER_01: Not the hope of what may come later.
19:48
SPEAKER_00: If you kid or a man says, I want you to have my baby, first things out your mouth is gonna be, can you take care of it?
19:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:57
SPEAKER_00: Financially?
19:58
SPEAKER_00: Are you mentally ready?
20:00
SPEAKER_00: Are you spiritually ready?
20:02
SPEAKER_01: What about are you marriage-minded?
20:06
SPEAKER_01: Are you marriage ready?
20:07
SPEAKER_01: What happened to marriage first?
20:09
SPEAKER_01: Are you gonna marry me?
20:10
SPEAKER_01: Are you all these things you should be talking about?
20:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
20:13
SPEAKER_01: If if if I'm good enough to have your baby, then I should be good enough to for you to say, I do.
20:20
SPEAKER_01: I I do I I left you speeches.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: I left you, I look, I'm looking at I left you speechless.
20:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm sitting here going, why does this not happen?
20:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
20:29
SPEAKER_00: Even as a man, picking a woman that I want to have my baby, I'm telling you right now, I I want to know everything.
20:36
SPEAKER_00: Right.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: You know, do you have family?
20:38
SPEAKER_00: What's your family history?
20:40
SPEAKER_00: You know, uh um, how do you take care of do you love kids?
20:44
SPEAKER_00: Do you like being around kids?
20:45
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm asking it doesn't matter just for men, it's also a man looking for a woman.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: You gotta ask them the same questions.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: If you want to pick gonna pick a woman to have your child, she has to be a good woman.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: Right.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: It goes both ways.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: Right, it really goes both ways.
21:00
SPEAKER_00: Because if she's a hoochie mama and running in the streets and have all the stuff up on social media and everything else, I ain't the type of woman I want.
21:07
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, it it does go both ways.
21:09
SPEAKER_01: Men have to be cautious of who's having his baby.
21:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:15
SPEAKER_01: That's but a lot of times it it really fall a lot of it falls on the woman.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't know if it's a woman up, but I have a hallelujah.
21:25
SPEAKER_01: Your picking days are over, Professor.
21:27
SPEAKER_01: So don't don't get it twisted.
21:30
SPEAKER_01: Now, I do love this saying.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: We're talking about knowing who they are before.
21:35
SPEAKER_01: This this saying, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
21:39
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
21:40
SPEAKER_01: That's facts.
21:41
SPEAKER_01: Now, dating someone's potential is like expecting popped microwave popcorn to to be popped just by putting it in the microwave.
21:49
SPEAKER_01: You just didn't wait waiting for it to get popped.
21:52
SPEAKER_01: And well, it's in the microwave, it should go ahead and be popped.
21:55
SPEAKER_01: Gotta press some buttons.
21:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you gotta press buttons.
21:58
SPEAKER_00: Gotta press in.
21:59
SPEAKER_00: And you And you gotta press those buttons and ask those questions of the person you're with.
22:04
SPEAKER_00: People wake up.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: Gotta can't be afraid to ask questions.
22:10
SPEAKER_01: Look and take note of behavior and unkept promises.
22:16
SPEAKER_01: Look at that as these are red flags.
22:18
SPEAKER_01: Don't just you know put put them on the moment you meet a person, men, woman, don't matter.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: You're going out on your first date, ask questions, see how they behave.
22:27
SPEAKER_00: Are they on time?
22:28
SPEAKER_00: Do they do what they say they're gonna do?
22:30
SPEAKER_00: All these things.
22:32
SPEAKER_00: You should be evaluating from day one.
22:35
SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: Now we spoke of fatherhood and biology, right?
22:39
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
22:40
SPEAKER_01: Being a biological father is one thing.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: Being a present father is key.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
22:46
SPEAKER_01: A present father, what do they do?
22:48
SPEAKER_01: They show up emotionally, financially, physically, and consistently.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: And you know what, professor and listeners?
22:58
SPEAKER_01: Children learn from what they see.
23:00
SPEAKER_00: Monkeys see, monkeys do.
23:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they you you show them how to behave and how to grow up in life by what they're seeing in their uh in their parental circle.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you, I you know, uh not gonna go into much of my stuff, but you know, I didn't have the greatest dad in the whole world, but thank God for the people that were around me.
23:21
SPEAKER_01: Right.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: I learned a lot.
23:24
SPEAKER_00: And but I'm telling you from example, having a good man in your in your life for your child, I wish there was that for me.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: Because I never had a father come to any of my games or do any of those things.
23:43
SPEAKER_01: And the and that that stays with you, doesn't it?
23:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm yeah.
23:46
SPEAKER_00: It does.
23:47
SPEAKER_00: I had my neighbor down the street.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: I went to play my first rugby game.
23:53
SPEAKER_00: My neighbor down the street came.
23:55
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
23:56
SPEAKER_01: You see, that's that's where the network used to, that's how the network used to work.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: But it doesn't work that way anymore because probably not.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: If it wasn't for my, you know, it there's an old saying it takes a visit uh takes a village to raise a child.
24:11
SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling you, yes, I had a yes, yes, yes.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: If I did anything wrong, I got popping back in my head, and by the time I got home, I got an ass whooping.
24:19
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
24:19
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
24:20
SPEAKER_01: So pick wisely.
24:22
SPEAKER_01: Pick wisely.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: And you know, a baby will make the man a father, right?
24:29
SPEAKER_01: But his choices and behavior will determine to the mother if his DNA was even worth the effort.
24:36
SPEAKER_00: So you can either turn out to be just the baby daddy, or you could be an actual father.
24:42
SPEAKER_01: Father.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: Right.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: And what about using the baby as leverage?
24:46
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: A baby should never, never, never be brought into this world as a means of to control someone's behavior.
24:55
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't work.
24:56
SPEAKER_01: It just does not work.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: That one is the one that because a child deserves to adult mature.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: Often I sit and I have to mediate this and say, your baby is not the porn.
25:12
SPEAKER_00: It is not your tool to manipulate, but it happens all the time.
25:17
SPEAKER_00: All the time.
25:18
SPEAKER_01: All the time.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: And before you cut me off, I was about to say I'm sorry.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: You know that one.
25:23
SPEAKER_01: I know that they got I know you got it excited.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: But a child deserves two to adult mature parents who are prepared to take responsibility for that child's well-being.
25:34
SPEAKER_01: Point blank, period.
25:37
SPEAKER_01: As as as the young people say.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: Point blank, period.
25:40
SPEAKER_00: That's it.
25:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say this arguing in front of your kids, disrespecting each other in front of your kids only primes them to behave and accept that for themselves, especially if you have a young daughter and she's hearing all this, she thinks this is normal.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: You've already failed her.
26:00
SPEAKER_00: Right.
26:00
SPEAKER_00: And and a young man hearing that, he thinks that's the way he's supposed to treat his girl.
26:05
SPEAKER_00: You've already failed them.
26:08
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and use yeah.
26:11
SPEAKER_00: Using children as pawns and in in the middle of your mess.
26:16
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
26:18
SPEAKER_00: Take them out of the middle and deal with your stuff like two grown adults.
26:24
SPEAKER_00: Definitely.
26:25
SPEAKER_00: Get some help.
26:27
SPEAKER_00: See a therapist, see a coach.
26:31
SPEAKER_00: You hear us say this all the time.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: We don't we're always available for you, but there's always there's other people out there.
26:38
SPEAKER_00: But we want you to start thinking and behaving differently to give your kid a chance.
26:47
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and they just they deserve that.
26:50
SPEAKER_01: They deserve that.
26:51
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, don't use the child, you're not gonna see the child because you're mad at the father that he's not gonna he's not gonna see the the child because of your issues with the dad.
27:03
SPEAKER_01: That that yeah, that doesn't work.
27:05
SPEAKER_01: And don't use the baby as a relationship hostage negotiator.
27:10
SPEAKER_00: No, that's if you're not together and the baby goes see daddy or grandma, it and trust me, that you got mothers who hold the baby hostage from grandparents.
27:21
SPEAKER_01: And it's it's it's really sets.
27:24
SPEAKER_01: And some some fathers who really want to be a father, they have to go to court because the mother's holding the child because they m maybe the the father has moved on, maybe maybe married someone, and then yeah, she uses the child as that's even more a hostage negotiator.
27:43
SPEAKER_00: We could talk about this for a whole because the we're we're not even touching the surface.
27:50
SPEAKER_00: We're just giving a brief synapsis because this runs deep.
27:56
SPEAKER_01: It does, it does.
27:57
SPEAKER_01: And there are questions that I would think that l ladies would ask themselves before bringing the child into this world.
28:05
SPEAKER_01: Go for it.
28:06
SPEAKER_01: One, can we communicate maturely?
28:09
SPEAKER_01: And is he responsible financially and otherwise?
28:14
SPEAKER_00: Can I go back?
28:15
SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
28:16
SPEAKER_00: Say the first one again.
28:17
SPEAKER_01: Can we communicate maturely?
28:19
SPEAKER_00: Right away.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: If you can't have a conversation without arguing and bickering, there's your sign.
28:26
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: What's the next one?
28:28
SPEAKER_01: Is he responsible financially and otherwise?
28:31
SPEAKER_00: If he can't afford to buy you a hot dog or put groceries in the fridge, right, there's your sign.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: Right.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: And then does he respect me as a partner?
28:42
SPEAKER_01: Now, this is you asking yourself, does he respect me as a partner?
28:45
SPEAKER_01: And do our goals and lifestyles align?
28:49
SPEAKER_01: And important, Professor and listeners, do I trust him?
28:54
SPEAKER_01: Trust.
28:55
SPEAKER_00: Trust comes big.
28:58
SPEAKER_00: Because if you uh I was just watching, and it's funny because I was just watching divorce court.
29:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh, you watched that too?
29:06
unknown: Yeah.
29:07
SPEAKER_00: Not meant to, but it was on when I was working.
29:09
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love it.
29:10
SPEAKER_00: And here you have a young couple not not making it because of infidelity.
29:19
SPEAKER_00: But the signs were there before they even the same thing when you were dating, and then you had a kid by him.
29:30
SPEAKER_00: And then you get married and you're still doing the same thing, and you and you you just keep letting aside.
29:36
SPEAKER_00: You saw the writing on the wall in the beginning.
29:39
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
29:40
SPEAKER_00: But because you allowed your emotions, and he's cute, and he's this and he's that.
29:46
SPEAKER_00: And it makes me feel good.
29:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it makes me feel good.
29:49
SPEAKER_00: There's more to life than making you feel good.
29:51
SPEAKER_01: Yes, indeed.
29:53
SPEAKER_01: Especially bringing a child into that mess.
29:56
SPEAKER_01: If it's a if it's messy.
29:58
SPEAKER_01: You know what her factor was?
29:59
SPEAKER_00: She said the sex is good.
30:01
SPEAKER_00: Ooh.
30:02
SPEAKER_00: That's what you based your your relationship just because the sex was good.
30:06
SPEAKER_01: And bringing a child because bringing the child because the sex was good?
30:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just just just have the sex.
30:12
SPEAKER_01: Leave the leave the child out until until both of you don't grow up.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: Have sex, be happy.
30:17
SPEAKER_00: Right.
30:17
SPEAKER_00: But don't bring a child in it, and then when he what he's deciding he's she wanna find if he's cheating on you, you know it.
30:24
SPEAKER_01: Right.
30:25
SPEAKER_01: Come on.
30:26
SPEAKER_01: And then, and that that's another question that they that women should ask themselves.
30:33
SPEAKER_01: Am I choosing him or hoping the baby will change him?
30:37
SPEAKER_01: See?
30:38
SPEAKER_01: Now, know that a a baby might expose problems you already had.
30:43
SPEAKER_01: Just what you're saying, Professor, problems were already there.
30:47
SPEAKER_01: But guess what?
30:49
SPEAKER_01: But if you already have problems with communicating, finances, commitment, having a baby won't make those issues disappear.
30:57
SPEAKER_01: You know what it'll do?
30:59
SPEAKER_01: It'll just put a spotlight on on the problems.
31:03
SPEAKER_00: It's like a giant magnifying glass.
31:05
SPEAKER_01: Big old spotlight.
31:07
SPEAKER_00: It's like that, it's like that uh uh uh donut sign, big red donut sign, hot donuts.
31:14
SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
31:17
SPEAKER_01: Now, I I I have one for you, Professor.
31:20
SPEAKER_01: Go for it.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: A baby isn't relationship glue, as we said before.
31:25
SPEAKER_01: Because with enough heat, even gorilla glue wears off.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and we have to laugh at this because if not we'd be crying because we see the devastation that it causes.
31:39
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes.
31:41
SPEAKER_00: Babies are precious, but don't ruin a baby's life by your mistakes.
31:47
SPEAKER_01: Choose wisely, be smart about when you're that's a big step.
31:53
SPEAKER_00: Bringing a baby.
31:54
SPEAKER_00: If you're playing a game of chess or monopoly, whatever, the goal is to win, right?
31:58
SPEAKER_00: Then why set yourself up for failure and have a child for someone you know that's not gonna be around?
32:05
SPEAKER_00: You just put your set yourself up for failure.
32:07
SPEAKER_00: Why do that?
32:08
SPEAKER_01: And in in in a lot of cases, not all, but in a lot of cases, you fail the baby.
32:15
SPEAKER_01: You feel you fail that child that's gonna have to grow up in the the the mess, in the situation.
32:20
SPEAKER_01: Now you should be asking yourself, what makes a man mature?
32:24
SPEAKER_01: First, let me say it's not having a baby.
32:27
SPEAKER_01: Nope.
32:27
SPEAKER_01: So if you thought it's not having a baby, but I do want to say for for all the great stand-up dads, as we said before, sometimes having a baby can lead to men standing up and being responsible fathers.
32:40
SPEAKER_01: So we do want to acknowledge that and we do say kudos to you.
32:44
SPEAKER_01: Yes, but maturity shows up in being being accountable, being consistent, responsible, respectful, being committed, and also having emotional maturity and integrity.
33:02
SPEAKER_01: If you don't see those qualities before, you might not see them after you decide to have a baby for that person.
33:11
SPEAKER_00: And I have to say this because there's a boy, he's not a young man anymore, but I'm gonna tell his story real quick.
33:20
SPEAKER_00: They had a child, he quit basketball, he would have probably been playing pro or something, but he quit doing sports, was take going to work, taking care of his kid.
33:32
SPEAKER_00: Right.
33:32
SPEAKER_00: I think the baby was like two or three, and she says that uh you take care of the baby, I'm tired of this, and she took off.
33:40
SPEAKER_00: Right, yeah, yeah.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: And he raised that that uh little girl by himself.
33:46
SPEAKER_00: Yes, and we and his his mother uh helped and stuff.
33:50
SPEAKER_00: He went back to school, he was going to night school.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: As soon as the baby was put down, he went to night school and he got his degree and all that, has a nice job, raised it, doing good for himself, has a house, doing well, flipping properties, and here comes that little scoundrel.
34:06
SPEAKER_00: Oh, wanna be back in?
34:08
SPEAKER_00: Want to be back in now, now she wants she wants to have take control of the baby so that she can get child support and all that.
34:17
SPEAKER_00: And thank God the judge was a good judge and said, Hell no.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so it's not just men, there are some scandalous women out there.
34:25
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, oh yes, we're gonna child, leave it on the man and go.
34:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh, and and that happens as well.
34:30
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, yes, I'm not gonna sit here and bash men because there's some damn good men out there.
34:35
SPEAKER_01: There are, and uh again, we say kudos to you because our listeners are diverse listeners, and we we think amazing single moms.
34:45
SPEAKER_00: Let's make that clear.
34:46
SPEAKER_00: Oh, definitely some amazing single dads, but we don't want it to just be single moms and single dads, we want it to be both mu both parents together.
34:56
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, that's where the child will get the best bang for their buck.
35:00
SPEAKER_00: Right.
35:00
SPEAKER_01: And we're we're just and listeners, we're just saying so much, and it's it, you know, and we we hope that if it isn't you that you pass this on, but we just see so so many young ladies who are not really choosing wisely.
35:16
SPEAKER_01: So we're just here to we're just here to help.
35:19
SPEAKER_01: And and we ask, uh, don't don't ask, will a baby make him a man?
35:25
SPEAKER_01: But ask, do I see a mature, responsible, respectful man who loves me before we bring a baby into this relationship?
35:35
SPEAKER_01: That's what that's what you should ask.
35:37
SPEAKER_01: Say that one more time.
35:38
SPEAKER_01: Don't ask, start from the beginning, don't ask, will a baby make him a man?
35:43
SPEAKER_01: That's that's our topic.
35:44
SPEAKER_01: But do ask, do I see a mature, responsible, and respectful man who loves me before we bring a baby into this relationship?
35:56
SPEAKER_01: That's that's what that's what you should ask.
35:58
SPEAKER_01: Because don't bring children into a relationship hoping they will transform the adult parents who will be raising them.
36:06
SPEAKER_00: And where do we what what happens when we see I I hope a hope relationship?
36:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:14
SPEAKER_00: Is that what we're doing?
36:15
SPEAKER_01: Right.
36:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
36:16
SPEAKER_01: You're hoping that things will change and he will change.
36:20
SPEAKER_00: If you see that now, then there's no hope.
36:23
SPEAKER_00: Take time, step back.
36:25
SPEAKER_00: Yes, step back and breathe.
36:27
SPEAKER_00: And stop saying this stupid nonsense.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: I love him, but I love him.
36:33
SPEAKER_00: He's gonna change.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: Stop that.
36:37
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
36:38
SPEAKER_01: Just again, just be wise.
36:42
SPEAKER_01: Now, in closing, Professor, do you have any last words?
36:45
SPEAKER_00: You know, as I have last words, I can't help myself.
36:49
SPEAKER_00: Go for it.
36:51
SPEAKER_00: I I've gotta say, relationships are getting harder and harder and harder.
36:57
SPEAKER_00: Yes, there's so many obstacles that are in the way today.
37:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
37:02
SPEAKER_00: You know, you used to be able to think, you know what, I could go to church and find me a good woman.
37:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I could go here and find me a good woman.
37:09
SPEAKER_00: Now there's so much that's easy for people to pick and choose and swipe left and right, right up and down and backwards.
37:18
SPEAKER_00: Pick wisely.
37:19
SPEAKER_00: Yes, make conscious choices.
37:22
SPEAKER_00: Don't go by your feelings or your eyeballs show you.
37:26
SPEAKER_00: Right.
37:26
SPEAKER_00: You may look buff and and sexy now, or she may look hot and and and she a fine fine one.
37:33
SPEAKER_00: They they'd all look good now.
37:35
SPEAKER_00: Oh, keep living.
37:36
SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
37:37
SPEAKER_00: Stuff starts hanging.
37:38
SPEAKER_00: After a while, everything starts dropping.
37:40
SPEAKER_00: Shit, I turned when I turned 50, everything started dropping in sacking.
37:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what the hell?
37:45
SPEAKER_00: So trust me.
37:47
SPEAKER_00: Think wiser.
37:48
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
37:50
SPEAKER_01: And Professor, I'm gonna say I noticed your last words, but I'm gonna take some some of it.
37:56
SPEAKER_01: Again, if you are, if you're out there having fun, have your fun.
38:02
SPEAKER_01: Have your fun however way you want it.
38:05
SPEAKER_01: But before you bring that baby into the world, into your relationship, that's where we're saying stop and think, look at the situation, and don't make it worse for the child to bring a child into the relationship.
38:23
SPEAKER_01: I saw on on, I don't know if this woman's married enough, but I saw this on Instagram, so it's it's it's out there.
38:31
SPEAKER_01: Her two daughters, beautiful little girls in the backseat, uh cursing, singing a song to whatever was playing, of course.
38:41
SPEAKER_01: They cut they bleep the the curse words out, but singing songs and throwing up gang sign to this song.
38:51
SPEAKER_01: And you should the comments were oh my goodness, uh they were non-ending.
38:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
38:57
SPEAKER_01: What type of mother is this?
38:58
SPEAKER_01: What so we're we're just saying, if you're ready to bring up responsible children, fine, go for it.
39:05
SPEAKER_00: There's a a a good YouTube, and I know you've seen it, where the mothers just say, stop, sit down, stop, and the dad goes, get off there.
39:13
SPEAKER_00: Why that kid freeze?
39:15
SPEAKER_00: What yeah can't go nowhere because daddy daddy spoke.
39:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, yeah.
39:19
SPEAKER_01: And then there was another one where he dad didn't even have to speak because the child didn't want to go to bed and sit snaps his fingers and pointed to the bed.
39:27
SPEAKER_01: Because mom couldn't get the so it does take two responsible parents to raise a child.
39:35
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
39:36
SPEAKER_01: It it makes it so much easier on on both parents and the and the child.
39:41
SPEAKER_00: So thank you, listeners.
39:43
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
39:43
SPEAKER_00: We hope that this episode sparked something in you to either affect you or you can share the episode with somebody else.
39:53
SPEAKER_00: Maybe let your daughters hear it and your sons hear it, says that you can put it out there.
39:59
SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes our kids don't hear what we say.
40:02
SPEAKER_00: Right.
40:03
SPEAKER_00: But if you hear they hear it from somebody else, they're like, hmm.
40:07
SPEAKER_00: They might start thinking about it.
40:09
SPEAKER_00: Right.
40:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
40:10
SPEAKER_01: So def definitely.
40:12
SPEAKER_00: You know, and be frank with your kids, especially the young girls.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: Tell them that the cookie is not to be just handed out to every Tom, Dick, and Harry to come along.
40:20
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
40:21
SPEAKER_00: You know, have those conversations.
40:24
SPEAKER_00: Because they're not having it at school with their friends, trust me.
40:28
SPEAKER_00: They back back in the day, we they used to, but not no.
40:34
SPEAKER_01: They not today.
40:36
SPEAKER_00: But if you want to have any coaching, we have offer 30 minutes.
40:42
SPEAKER_00: It's never 30 minutes.
40:43
SPEAKER_00: It's never 30 minutes.
40:45
SPEAKER_00: Sure, I was just on there the other day, it was over an hour and a half.
40:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:48
SPEAKER_00: We don't time you.
40:50
SPEAKER_00: Right.
40:50
SPEAKER_00: You know, we're here to help.
40:52
SPEAKER_00: We want to help you and take advantage of it.
40:57
SPEAKER_00: Definitely.
40:58
SPEAKER_00: We're here to help.
40:59
SPEAKER_00: So, and it doesn't matter where you are around the world, because we have listeners all over the world.
41:04
SPEAKER_00: Whatever you name it.
41:05
SPEAKER_00: We can Zoom call, we can talk to you uh via WhatsApp, you name it.
41:11
SPEAKER_00: There is some way that you can reach us.
41:13
SPEAKER_01: Yes, because uh as you say, we have you know uh people in Africa, uh all of a lot a lot of East Asia, all Europe.
41:22
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
41:22
SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
41:23
SPEAKER_00: Because I can look at our stats and it shows us everywhere we are.
41:26
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I go, what?
41:28
SPEAKER_01: And yes, and we want to thank all of our listeners from around the world.
41:33
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for for listening.
41:34
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
41:35
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here.
41:36
SPEAKER_00: One more thing.
41:37
SPEAKER_00: I know uh if you want to come to one of our meet and greets, I don't post it.
41:43
SPEAKER_00: I have to say this because I get it all the time.
41:47
SPEAKER_00: We limit the number of people that come because we don't want to have hundreds of people because then it becomes too much and it's not personal.
41:57
SPEAKER_00: We want to keep it between 15 to 25 people so that everyone can answer, ask questions, more than one question.
42:05
SPEAKER_00: So email us, first come, first serve, we'll tell you location time.
42:10
SPEAKER_00: We ask you not to share it.
42:12
SPEAKER_00: But that's the way to get to our meet and greets.
42:15
SPEAKER_01: And we also, if even if you're overseas, even if you're not in even if you're in another country.
42:22
SPEAKER_00: We can sit on the meet and greet.
42:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and and if we have three or more, uh, we could also do a zoom around the country.
42:30
SPEAKER_01: So it does you don't have it doesn't have to be local, but maybe Professor, you might even look at posting it.
42:36
SPEAKER_01: And no.
42:37
SPEAKER_01: No.
42:39
SPEAKER_00: We've done we we posted early and it was ridiculous.
42:44
SPEAKER_00: Uh we're not I can't.
42:46
SPEAKER_00: It's because then the venue we booked it one time we booked a venue for 50, and then we had P we had to do three sessions.
42:54
SPEAKER_00: You remember three sessions, yeah, and people were mad at us.
42:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so no, it is going to be first come, first serve.
43:04
SPEAKER_00: We keep the group small.
43:06
SPEAKER_00: Sounds good.
43:06
SPEAKER_00: And plus, you know, what we move around a lot, so we don't always have a big venue available to us.
43:12
SPEAKER_01: Right, right, right.
43:13
SPEAKER_01: So, listeners, we want to say this a baby is a blessing, but a baby is a relationship is not a relationship saver.
43:25
SPEAKER_01: We shouldn't bring a child into the world hoping that they'll make somebody love, commit, respect you, or even make them grow up.
43:34
SPEAKER_01: Notice the person you're choosing before making a baby because children deserve parents who are prepared to love, protect, nurture, and guide them, not hoping the baby will fix problems that the adults refuse to fix beforehand.
43:52
SPEAKER_01: And if this conversation made you a little uneasy or made you think that's okay because those are the conversations we need to have, right, Professor?
44:04
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
44:06
SPEAKER_01: So in in closing, we do want to say thank you, because we're gonna leave it at here for today.
44:15
SPEAKER_01: And relationships are a journey, and we want to thank all of you for allowing us to be part of it.
44:21
SPEAKER_01: And if this, as Professor said earlier, if this episode resonated with you, please like, follow, download, and share it with somebody who may need to hear today's conversation.
44:33
SPEAKER_01: And you can find us at relationshipcoaching group.com where you can email us if you have questions, comments, or want to learn about the services we offer, or even to learn a little bit more about us.
44:48
SPEAKER_01: Or if you want to be in that group meet and greet, you can email us there.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: And until next time, keep growing, choose relationships that bring out the best in you, and and respect your boundaries.
45:03
SPEAKER_01: And remember, there are no instruction manuals for relationships, but we have each other, and together we got this.
45:12
SPEAKER_00: We got you.