Latest / The Observatory | Discovery of Consciousness & Awareness / Beyond Goal Setting | LaRae Wright on Intuition, Presence & Letting Business Grow Through You

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Beyond Goal Setting | LaRae Wright on Intuition, Presence & Letting Business Grow Through You · The Observatory | Discovery of Consciousness & Awareness

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Observatory podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: With your hosts Scott and Lorey Wright.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Join us each week as we explore living life from
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: the inside out.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to the Observatory podcast today. First of all,
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: it's unusual that I do the introduction versus Scott, but
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: today we're going to share with you a podcast that
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: I was on with my dear friends Tessa Arneson and
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Rocky Donati. They share and started a new podcast called
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Heart plus head Work, and this podcast we had so
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: much fun. I love these ladies dearly. We had a
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: great conversation and it was something that was completely unexpected
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: for me to join, but I am so happy that
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: they invited me to be their guest. And so we've
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: decided to reshare that podcast here on the Observatory. So
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: sit back, enjoy, and let me know what you think
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: about my conversation with Tessa and Rocky.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: In this episode of Heart and Headwork, we sit down
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: with Ray Wright, my personal mentor but also a Fortune
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: one hundred executive turned mentor and advisor whose passion lies
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: in guiding leaders back to themselves. With decades of experience
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: leading major organizations through change, Ray now supports entrepreneurs and
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: professionals by meeting them where they are and helping them
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: live and lead from deep alignment, from spreadsheets and structure
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: to intuition and trust. Ray shares her journey of shifting
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: from chasing goals to honoring alignment, and how a strong
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: sense of self isn't the entrepreneur's greatest asset. We unpac
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: the trap of comparison, the power of self permission, and
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: how reframing challenges as invitations to grow can transform your business.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: This episode is soul centered, expansive, and deeply grounded, so
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: settle in.
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: Welcome to Heart and Headwork, the podcast for women who
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: want to lead with strategy and soul.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: I'm Tessa, the people connector who embraces vulnerability and dreams.
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: Big, and I'm Rocky, the strategist who thrives on logic
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: and turns vision and action.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: We combine our superpowers and founded Maven, a community that empowers.
• 2:14
  Speaker 4: Women, including Maven District, the largest collective of women owned
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: small businesses in the world.
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: This podcast is for women like you, building something real
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: and wanting more than just business advice.
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: You'll hear honest conversations, practical tools, and personal stories about
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: what it actually takes to build purpose driven businesses.
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: If you're building with your whole self, heart and head,
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: this is a space for you.
• 2:38
  Speaker 5: Join us on the journey.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: Welcome back to the podcast. Y'all. You are sitting with
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: one of my most favorite people of all time, Ray Wright.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: She is probably I don't want to put pressure on this,
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: but one of my best and biggest mentors that I've
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: ever had in for sure this chapter of my life,
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: and she's been a big part of my life for
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: the last ten years. So thank you Ray for saying yes.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Oh, you're so welcome. I feel so honored to have
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: that introduction. That's pretty amazing.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: Actually, So I want to start us off. We want
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: to dive into Ray's story and you know, some of
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: the things that she's topped me in, some of her
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: secret sauce areas in my opinion.
• 3:25
  Speaker 5: But first I.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: Want to just check in with both of you and myself.
• 3:30
  Speaker 5: How are we? Don't forget don't forget self?
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: Self?
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: Not a spoiler alert, but it is a spoiler alert
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: that may bebe over.
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: Talking about an important piece. How are we? How are you?
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: Okay, both your heads turned towards me. Here we go.
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: I woke up this morning, had a little meditation moment
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: and this podcast makes me super anxious. I love the
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: idea of it, but then when I get behind the microphone,
• 3:54
  Speaker 4: I get really stressed out. I get very shy. I start,
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: as I've already joked, distancing myself the microphone and then
• 4:01
  Speaker 4: having the hard time leaning back in. And what showed
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: up today for me and my meditation was I am scared.
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: I am scared that what we're putting out there is
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: not being helpful. So I don't actually feel so much
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: about like criticism, but man, I'm worried that it's not
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: doing anything for anybody, and wouldn't that be a drag?
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: And So the answer that I got in response to
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: that fear, once I recognized it, was I got a
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: safe space.
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: I've got people.
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: Who support me in this, and all I have to
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: do is just show up and.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Be yourself.
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: Just just be rocky, which the fear is also rocky
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: is not enough, and that's that's the underlying fear. So
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: but what it made me realize was if I show
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: up and I feel safe, I'm probably helping to expand
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: a safer space for others, and that's doing a lot
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: in and of itself and that that can be enough.
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: That's how I'm feeling this morning.
• 4:58
  Speaker 5: So here we fuck.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: Wow, that's good?
• 5:03
  Speaker 5: Do its Ray? Okay? Getting sorry?
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: How are you? Ray? I'm great. We just got back
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: from San Diego. We had an amazing weekend. I had
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: a great nephew, four, and I love when I have
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: a teacher that small. He was so full of wonder
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: and amazement, and Scott taught him how to play the harmonica.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: He didn't question it at all. He just took to it.
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: He had this imagination and put us all in a
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: train and we went up steep climbs and he was shaking.
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: It was just amazing to see his creativity and his
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: living so big at four years old, and we all start.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: There, yeah, and how much we want them to keep it.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: And how much we want to keep it. We want
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: to And in fact, I even said that to my sister,
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: his grandmother. He calls her Lovey, that's her name.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: And as we horrible.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: I said, Lovey, you know, I just hope that we
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: can always be such a good influence. And she's like,
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: I can't imagine not being anything other than that. So
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: it was it was really a lovely weekend.
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: I heard this term called instead of growing up, growing down,
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: and the idea that we are constantly as you know,
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: this four year old will grow up, and then they
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: reach a certain point where we're all trying.
• 6:24
  Speaker 5: To get back to being to four year old, where.
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: We can be like I'm imaginative and I'm playing an
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: instrument and I'm making a train out of you know,
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: all these people here so we can play the instruments
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: and have fun with it.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: I know, it's amazing how we how we spend a lifetime,
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: like you said, growing up, becoming conditioned or becoming what
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: we think we need to be, instead of just maintaining
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: that freedom to be who we are.
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: Yep, so and take to things like sure, give me
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: a harmonica, I'll learn how to play it, no big deal.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah. He looked at Scott and he's like, Scott goes,
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: do you want to play? And he said I can't,
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: and Scott goes, you just blow on it. So we
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: took it and then he blew and then intuitively he
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: blew in and out, and then he started going up
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: and down, and his curiosity guided him. He didn't need
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: anything else.
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: That's amazing.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: It was wonderful. How are you, Tessa.
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: Well, because Ray is so important to.
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: Me, safe space, you let it out, I'm gonna move
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: away from you for a second, but then just give
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: me a second back.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: I also really want to do good. Ray is our
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: first guest and she's a big person to me, and
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: I have no evidence to believe that I've ever disappointed
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: you in any way. I don't want to waste this
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: opportunity to have others get your knowledge and get some
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: of the lessons that I've been so luckily to have
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: had for the last ten years.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: Well, I have to tell you every conversation with you
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: has been delightful. There have been none of not filled
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: my soul as much has done something for you, So
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: no fear there.
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you. In a movement meditation this morning, Rocky
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: and I had the pleasure of doing Chiegong in the
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: Park so Good, which I have had Ray come to
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: Oh you've gotten to go to Yeah, well it's.
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: A special, special little place. But I always in my
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: meditations ask either Love or my ancestors, what will they
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: have me know today? And today one of my ancess
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: has popped up, which is my most favorite Grandpa and
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: he said. He said, with this fear that has been
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: popping up leading up to this event today, he said,
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: you're interesting and more interesting when you're yourself. So don't
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: be a chicken shit, go be yourself.
• 8:59
  Speaker 5: Go Grandpa.
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: That's awesome words spoken from older people and younger people.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: That is such a sentence he would have used. So
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: I just really appreciated his guidance because it also brought
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: me back to the light and like it wasn't him
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: being mean. It was such a light hearted voice and
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: it was like, yeah, I can do this. Yeah, let's
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: let's let's go be brave bys.
• 9:23
  Speaker 5: Let's not be chicken ships. Yeah, I don't want to be.
• 9:26
  Speaker 5: I don't want to be a chicken ship.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah I want to I don't intend to be that way.
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: Cheers, cheers to not being chicken ships. Anybody out there
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: who's listening, don't be a chicken ship.
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: Just be yourself. From Grandpa Grandpa, what would you call him?
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: Grandpa Hunter or Grandpa Art?
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: Was his name Art? Can I call him arty?
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: Arthur was? But Art is what he went by. I
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: had to call him arty. Yeah, but I never.
• 9:49
  Speaker 5: Minds.
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I think he's he's happy. So that
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: is where we are at, and I want to give
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: you just a little deep, deeper dive about Ray and
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: how she came into my life. I met her the
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: first day that I found out I was pregnant with
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: my oldest daughter, Lucy, and it was also the first
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: day of a really intensive program that she used to lead,
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: called the Golden Sacks ten thousand Small Business Program. What
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: I love about Ray is she's got this really deep
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: background in the corporate America which she'll speak to and
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: now she is completely opposite of that, very much so, right,
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: But that's where I met her, and she was in
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: this really transitional space of leaning into what I would
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: call maybe the heart side, but also with one foot
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: in this corporate America side. And I went up to
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: her as the leader and I said, hey, I just
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: found I was pregnant, and I burst into tears and
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: I said, I need I'll go to the doctor to
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: find out, as is tradition, I know, to see if
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: this baby is real because I had previously had a
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: miscarriage the time before that I was pregnant. And she
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: wrapped me in her arms and said, go congratch relations.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: And that was my first day that I met her.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: And forever more. I just I knew, you know, she
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: was the first person I told. I knew that she
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: was one of my people. I feel the same, and
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: since then she has weaved a really cool career that
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: I hope you give us a little insight on on
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: your background, coming from growing up, as you said, a
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: farm girl in Idaho, bear Lake, Idaho, which our team
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: is on our way to here in a week, So
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: will you tell us a little bit about yourself and
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: who you are? Who is Ray?
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so you know it was I did grow up
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: in bear Lake in on the Idaho side, and as
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: a farm girl, you know, learned a lot of things
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: about family and faith and ambition. And I was one
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: of the only ones that in my family that decided
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: to go to a four year college. So upon graduating
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: from college, I immediately wanted to have a career. I
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: graduated in finance and economics and started working for American
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Express and at the age of twenty five, that took
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: me to New York. And I never, in my wildest
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: dreams thought that I would live in New York and
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: work in New York, let alone have the career that
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: I had, So that was quite adventurous.
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: And I know you, but I don't know you nearly
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: as well as Tessa. And when we were talking earlier,
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: you were talking about both in your professional and your
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: personal life, You've had this big journey from being a
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: pure head person, purely intellectual, which of course lights me
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: up because that's also the path I feel like I
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: was on. So I have so much to learn from
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: that side of things, and I want to know more
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: about Give me that snapshot, because I'm going to relate
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: wholeheartedly to it. I was in San Francisco, You're in
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: New York, and we're both doing the same thing.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, you land in New York and it's
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: very It's a big city, it's a really diverse city,
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: and you immediately learn what, if I'm going to be
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: successful here, I have to adapt to the way the
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: city runs and to the way work runs. And even
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: though I had a really diverse group of friends, I
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: immediately knew that I was going to be most rewarded
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: for my ability to solve problems and so so familiar.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: I just leaned in, and you know, the more I
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: could solve and the more I could see patterns, and
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: the more it felt that it came easy to me.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: I was rewarded, and before long, you know, I'm climbing
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: that corporate ladder with promotions and possibility and I'm like,
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: this feels good. This feels good, and becoming more and
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: more intellectual and stimulating my mind with thinking. The only
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: time that that wouldn't happen would be when I would
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: get on an airplane and go back to visit my
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: family and be immersed back into this small culture with
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: this family, with my family, and suddenly have that comp
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: harrison that oh wow, you know, this is still family.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: No one really cares how many problems I solved, what
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: my the problems were. What really matters here is family
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: and how people feel and the conversations that we have.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: And so those two worlds had to start coexisting for me.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: But I definitely put weight and investment more in my
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: career side, and so thinking. I was just driven to
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: think more and think bigger and think broader and to
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: learn politics and to learn, you know, how to get
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: ahead and how to be competitive, and all of that
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: became part of my everyday world.
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: And I'm just hearing I think, I think, I think,
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: I think think over and over.
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: And over again.
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: Right, and and I didn't know you as this person.
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: I know you as who you are now, which is,
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: you know, a couple decades later, and so where are
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: you now so that our audience can understand that, because
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: you don't ever come into a room and go, well.
• 15:03
  Speaker 5: I think, which is like what makes you so amazing?
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Now?
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: If you don't use that terminology?
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: Well, it lasted for a really long time. I had
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: had that investment for quite a while. It really changed
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: when I got married. And I got married late in life,
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: and my husband is pretty much the opposite of me.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: He had spent ten years living by himself and doing
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: a lot of inner work, and so he was trying
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: to move away from thinking and move more into being
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: what he called being present. And I would be like,
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: what the hell are you talking about being present?
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: And he was, you can say what the fuck you
• 15:39
  Speaker 5: can say it.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: He would say, oh, you know this is this is
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: just you have to be present. And I would I
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: would be thinking again, thinking I'm just gonna say, yeah,
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: you know, how do I get there? Just tell just
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: give me the five steps. I know I can do this.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: Just tell me what are the five steps to get
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: to presence? And he'd say, you just have to feel it.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: And I'm a big emotional person, you know. I like conversation.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: I don't shy away from hard conversations, and I love
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: to have conversation. I love to communicate. I'm kind of
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: a word nerd, so I would I like to find
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: words that were more meaningful. And but he would say,
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: you just you know, you need to be present. You
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: need to be here in this moment and not thinking
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: too far ahead or too far behind. And and it
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: would show up the worst when I would get up
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: in the middle of the night to do a spreadsheet
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: and figure out when will we run out of money? Oh,
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: and he would he'd.
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: Say, what have you been there? Been there?
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: And he said, you assume then everything stays the same.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: And it wasn't even like we were running out of money.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: But I I had never been married where there were
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: two people like we had accountability to each other, and
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: so it was a whole different scenario for me. And
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: I would get that spreadsheet going and then get sideways,
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: and he was like, you got to give up the spreadsheet,
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: And so things started to change by doing that.
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: And I think, what I'm so excited for you being
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: here for is that when most of my interaction with
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: you is through what you've taught Tessa, so I know
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: you kind of as Tessa's our catalyst, if you will.
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: And what I've always seen Tessa come back with is
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: she goes to you most often when she's struggling with something,
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: and when she returns, the big message I hear is
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: so Lauray told you to just be yourself, basically, to
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: stop looking at outside forces, to stop asking questions from
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: the outside to just what does Tessa want?
• 17:37
  Speaker 5: What is testa need? How is Tessa feeling?
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: And I think that's what's going to be so cool
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: about this conversation today is essentially your secret sauce. If
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: I can sum it up, which seems pretty impossible to do.
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: But it's this idea that the sense of self is
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: our strongest asset. Whether we're an entrepreneur, a wife, a mom,
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: whatever those identities are, we can just like get rid
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: of those for a moment and come together under this
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: universal idea that we knowing ourselves is the strongest It's
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: the strongest asset we've.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Got, right, And that took a while for me to
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: figure that out. At first, I felt like it was.
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: Thank God because it makes me feel better, and I
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: don't want to hear that you did it like.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: Out of the womb.
• 18:23
  Speaker 5: I have all the answers.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, you know, it definitely took a long time
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: the first, you know, Again, like I said, I invested
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: so much in my intellect and in my understanding and
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: my ability to solve problems, and then suddenly it started
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: to unravel a bit. I moved from being a corporate
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: executive to being an entrepreneur, and it was really in
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: that transition that I started to see the first glimpses
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: of myself and to know that I had to bet
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: on myself. I had to know myself deeper, and it
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: wasn't I had to start understanding the difference between knowing
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: and thinking, and at first it was a big conflict
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: and I wasn't sure exactly the difference, but the thinking
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: was always just this intellectual database. And then something much
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: deeper was knowing myself. And I remember someone mentioning, you know,
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: to know my intuition, and I'm like, my intuition And
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: I suddenly started having experiences that we invited into our
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: lives that taught me a lot about intuition and that
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: I had always had intuition. I came with intuition, but
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: the further I moved into thinking, the more distance built
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: between my intuition and my thinking, and I had to
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: somehow make that u turn and come back to my intuition.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: And that was all through this discovery of self. Because
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: it can look on the external that the answer is
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: out there. It's out there in the next job, or
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: in the next business, the next relationship. But the one
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: thing that stays constant all the time is the relationship
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: that you have with yourself. And if anything is going
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: to grow richer and deeper, it's when you show up
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: richer and deeper knowing who you are, and then it
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: impacts what you're interacting with. So that's the whole sense
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: of self. Became a really loud voice in my head
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: that was like, this is not outside of you, this
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: is inside of you, and I had to take that dive.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: How do you remember an early moment that you shifted
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: from thinking to knowing, or like what it felt like
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: or like there were people out there that.
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: Have no one in this room, I'm not looking at you.
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: That's not okay for the people out there that have
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: that have moved away from their intuition like how did
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: you make that U turn or some early examples of
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: what that felt like.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: You know, I got glimpses now. And then I remember
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: being in New York and it was super intense for
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: a farm girl from Idaho to come to New York
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: and try to figure out politics Wall Street live by myself,
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: and it became overwhelming. And I had some very demanding
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: bosses who, you know, they played politics, and I had
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: no idea what politics meant or how you had to
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: position yourself.
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: And just for clarity, you're talking about politics like inside
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: the business, inside the.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: Business, and like actually had in corporate politics, gotch relationships
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: and how you know you shouldn't become bosses with someone
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: else's boss because then they'd be insecure. And there were
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: all of these things that power dynamics started happening and
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: that I didn't understand, and I thought I was losing
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: my mind. And so it was my first venture into
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: really seeking a therapist that could help me kind of
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: go through how I saw the world and understand how
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: the way I was perceiving things was actually making it worse.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: And I met a great therapist her named Tessa Warshaw,
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: and she I'll never forget it. She as I'm going
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: on and on about how scared I am, she asks me, well,
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: have you ever done anything where you failed? And I
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: remember looking at her like, well, no, but that doesn't
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: mean I couldn't.
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: Now there's that nasty butt, but no, but maybe this
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: is the time now.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: And so she's the first one that introduced me to
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: relying back on myself and to rely on what felt
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: right and to not start to model too much, because
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: what I what had started happening was I started to
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: model others and I would try on, oh, that style
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: from that leader, or I would try on another style
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: and find that it didn't fit me because it wasn't
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: really innate to who I was. And so she's like, no,
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: you have to go back and don't try to change
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: your personality or don't try to adapt. Just be more
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: yourself and be really confident and comfortable in who you are.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: And so I started doing that. It was harder to
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: stay with that. It helped solve maybe how to manage
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: that one situation. Then the dynamics changed, and later I
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: remember hearing her voice in my head like, have I
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: ever you know am I starting to perceive again? A
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: threat that I'm the author of. And am I really
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: being my best self, my best cheerleader, my best advocate,
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: or am I starting to buy in now to my
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: own story of that I'm that I can't do this.
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: So when we were talking earlier, you mentioned some of
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: this as like hunting versus receiving, and I would love
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: for you to tap more into that, because as you're describing,
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: you know, we're we're taking information from other people and
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: adapting how we go about things, just like we described
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: your four year old great great nephew, right, which is
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: what he's not doing quite yet. But we've all done that,
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: and you know you've probably done this. I've definitely done this.
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: How can we be better about receiving rather than hunting? Like,
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: was it a shift for you or is it just
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: a mindset?
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: I want that.
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: I'm not looking for the answer because I know there's
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: not just one answer, but I'm going to write it
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: down either way.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: Well, I think it's natural for all of us when
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: we have a perception about ourselves, we seek to validate it.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: And that's where I found that. I hunted for validation.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: So if I believe that I couldn't do something, I
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: looked everywhere to validate that me believing I couldn't do
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: it was true, and so I hunted for validation, and
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: the validation was always based on the perception that I
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: was holding. So it was wasn't ever questioning the perception
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: as much as it was like, see there, I knew
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: I was right. There's that validation. And it was with
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: my husband, Scott that he started to point that out
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: to me, that I was really seeing everything based on
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: the fact that I hunted for it.
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: How did you take that when your husband told you
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: that you were doing something ask you for a friend.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: It was interesting because you know, he's, first of all,
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: he has a tremendous way of saying it to me,
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: and he never wanted me to my feelings to be hurt.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: But I started to notice he was the only one
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: that could mirror back to me in a safe way
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: something that I had to see. And when he would
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: say that, I would be like, oh my gosh, I
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: do hunt for that. And it was like I told
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: you earlier, it's like when I'm on a mission to
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: find this green thing, you know, it's like I will
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: know it when I see it, and I see it
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, see there it is, there it is
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: and it's like, well, maybe Green's not even the thing
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: you should be looking for. And so he's the one
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: that started to tip everything up, that said, what is
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: you know, what is the perception? What is the story?
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: And what are the bigger thing than the perception of
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: the story is what are you making it mean to you?
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: And so I found that it was because I was
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: making meaning that I became a really diligent hunter to
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: validate it.
• 26:20
  Speaker 5: This makes me think of like when we when we
• 26:22
  Speaker 5: go into business and we're.
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: We're constantly taking an information from other people, Like you know,
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: at Maven, we had we had this notion that we
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: should be adopting women tenants as like our target audience,
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: and we got told by the competition, no, of course,
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: you don't want to do that.
• 26:40
  Speaker 5: You're going to kill fifty percent of your demographic.
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: And we wanted to listen to some degree because well,
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: that makes logical sense, and also we want to be
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: bigger and better than what we are now, so let's
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: go after.
• 26:54
  Speaker 5: Men and women.
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: And luckily we didn't do that because the feedback is
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: actually going to limit our potential in comparison to leaning
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: into something that felt much more real and raw to
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: Tessa and I both being women, both being entrepreneurs, both
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: wanting to make a safe space, because we needed a
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: safe space. So when we were working from that place
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: of this is who we are, this is what we want,
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: this is what we need, let's give it back in
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: spades to someone else who needs it. Then the business
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: started taking off. Then we got a better narrative, Then
• 27:27
  Speaker 4: we got a you know this this actual story that
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: was useful, and we get to have a podcast, we
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: get to have you on it, we get to empower
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: other women, And all of that came from the fact
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: that we said we're not going to listen to the
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: outer scope. We're going to listen to the inner scope,
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: because if we don't, we're limiting ourselves.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: Right because we can we can assign experts out there
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: all the time, people who have had businesses, people who
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: know all the aspects of growing a business. But if
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: it starts to become the only voice that you listen
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: to is external, then you're not really listening to the
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: voice that drew you to that potential of being a
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: business owner to begin with. And there's so many potential
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: versions of how it can show up. The one that
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: aligns truest to you is the one that you're in
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: alignment with because you will then become that you know
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: hunter on that And that's where you don't just say, oh, well,
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: if it doesn't show up this way, I'm going to
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: be single focused. You start to have this intuition that
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: guides you and prompts you, and you have discernment to
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: still make decisions and have choices and decide based on that.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: But you are driven by something that is in collaboration
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: with something much bigger than an external textbook to what
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: you're building, and that's that belief in yourself and that
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: ability to co create with all of the energy in
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: the world that is meant to be here to support
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: you to experience the best version of yourself no matter
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: what it is you're doing. So whether that's you know,
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: someone deciding to build a business, someone to be a mother,
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: someone deciding to enter into a new relationship, all of
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: those things come into that same lens of let me
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: trust myself and let me just feel and hear that
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: alignment in myself intuitively as to what it is I
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: want to build. You know, some people will give criticism
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Scott and I had a very unconventional marriage at first,
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: because right after getting married, the real estate market crashed
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: and I said to him, have you come home so unhappy?
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: You have to quit working? And he laughed at me
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: and said, you know, if I quit working, I have
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: all these obligations. I've never done that. That's just against
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: who I am. And I said, or is it? And
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: we made this commitment that he would quit on a
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: certain date. And after that he got into photography and
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: he got into nature. And I now see that had
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: he not started down that path to make the way,
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: there's no way I would have found that path. And
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: he had to. He had to start there. And as
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: he discovered it for himself, he then create created the
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: avenue for me to discover it for me. And we
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: couldn't have goal set our way to where we are today.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: So that was another thing I ended up giving up
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: all my goal setting process because I realized setting goals
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: actually narrowed the potentiality of what was out there for me.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: Can we have an audience we have to continue on,
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: We have to dive into do you mean no goal setting?
• 30:31
  Speaker 5: Animals?
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: Because I think I took lay out to lunch a
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: couple of weeks ago and was like, Therey, I don't
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: have any big goals right now. And this is where
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: you told me, oh yeah, I don't goal set anymore.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: And I was like, well, how do you get anywhere?
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: How do you how do you live?
• 30:57
  Speaker 5: I don't even know how to ask the question, how
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: do you blank? How do you do this work?
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: Because you know, as someone who has had a very
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: I am a big intuition in person. However, I have
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: been working towards a goal for so long that now
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: that I guess I am ready for share the goal,
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: I'm shifting.
• 31:22
  Speaker 5: Let's hear it.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: What's building has been a goal for a for a
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: really long time. And and Maven, I'm not saying is finished,
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: but it is built. There is a very very strong
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: presence and what we're doing. And so I don't feel
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: that drive and that I'll use the word hustle to
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: continue to exponentially just stay on that same, you know path.
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: So I asked, Larey, I don't I don't know what
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: my next goal is? Can And it blew my mind
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: when you said, oh, yeah, yeah, I don't. I don't
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: work off goals. Can we talk? Can we talk about that?
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: Because I mean, I'm still sitting with it.
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: All the entrepreneurs listening are sweating, going, no, that's bullshit.
• 32:12
  Speaker 5: You have to have goals. You must have goals. You
• 32:14
  Speaker 5: even said throw out spreadsheets. Fuck that.
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: No, we need spreadsheets, we need goals, we need calculators,
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: we need profit.
• 32:22
  Speaker 5: You know, it's just true.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: It feels really irresponsible to say, like to stop using
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: goals and to stop using spreadsheets. You still have to
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: have discernment and you have to have tools that you use.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: But I think it's a difference between tools that you
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: use to fulfill your drive that you feel versus tools
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: that become the driver.
• 32:43
  Speaker 5: Say that again and expand on that.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: So, because I started, like the spreadsheet getting me out
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: of bed in the middle of the night, the spreadsheet
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: was certainly the driver. It had a voice, It had,
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: you know, my attention. It could get me out of
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: my sleep and get me out to the computer. So
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: I had to it like.
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: Loray, you're going to run out of money.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: It was a very it was my pres It was
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: a very scary voice, you know that said, don't be
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: a fool. You're you are going to get caught off guard,
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: and this is going to be so painful, you know.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: So it had a lot of terror and fear in it,
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: and and I had to listen to it. And but
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: now I kind of smile because it I feel so
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: very different. And had I been able to see that before.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: But I put so much power in that spreadsheet versus
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: the power in me that I became. I became kind
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: not a victim, but I the spreadsheet drove me. And
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: I remember Scott and I worked with a coach in
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: the UK. Her name was Hazel Peacock. I love that name.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: And then and the very first thing she did, I
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: showed up with my notebook and everything, and she took
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: my notebook and she said there will be no notes.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: And we worked with this woman for a year and
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: I was I said, no notes. She goes, you'll remember
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: it when you need it. And I just remember thinking,
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: you have no idea who I am. I take really
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: elaborate notes.
• 34:16
  Speaker 5: And'm like, really good at this. Let me take my notes.
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: And at one point I asked her again about it,
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: and she said, tell me how many notebooks do you
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: go back to an ever reference.
• 34:27
  Speaker 5: All of them? Yeah?
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 34:30
  Speaker 5: The reality versus what you think?
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: So I said, okay, I need to lean into this,
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: But it was the start of understanding that at any
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: time we have that capacity to call upon our intuition
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: and our knowing and become resourceful to finding out an answer.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: Knowing it six months before or three weeks before isn't
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: necessarily going to do anything but prepare you to then
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: hunt for it. So it was more of about living
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: in this moment with this potential that's in front of you,
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: and then have the discernment to know where that potential
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: is guiding you and just keep listening to that intuition.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: And I know that sounds super witchy, witchy, mystic, whatever
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: I want to say, but it is such a more
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: disciplined way to live. And it's actually easier to give
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: all your power to a spreadsheet and start to believe
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: that the spreadsheet has your answer. But it's much more
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: demanding to live in the present moment and to say,
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: is my intuition telling me yes or no right now?
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: And I plugged into it and listening to it. And
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: so that was the shift. And I look and the
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: things that Scott and I are doing and the path
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: that we've been on for the last three years, there's
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: absolutely no way I would have even known who or
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: what to put on my vision board to get there there,
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't have known. And yet when we kind of
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: surrendered to our intuition and to our trusting that we
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: were ready and open to receive and we were ready
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: to you know, not question it, but to use discernment
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: to move into action it, that's when things started flowing
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: into our life that not only became more financially lucrative,
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: but it also became less demanding so that other things
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: could be created and that we have more time together.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: And again, I know this all sounds like the perfect
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: recipe and everyone's well, why don't you bottle that? But
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: the problem is that it shows up so specifically tailored
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: to who you are because it's going to teach you.
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: It comes with a lot of lessons, and the lessons
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: are really personal.
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: Well, I want to put on my little scientists classes
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: and my little scientists hat for a moment, be like,
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: because you're mentioning, you know, finances, and you're mentioning spreadsheets
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: and for business owners, finances are I mean allsuming right.
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: You're constantly trying to think, how do I get money?
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: How do I make money? How do I move money?
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: How do we make more money, how do I pay
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: for this? Et cetera, et cetera. And do you have
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: an example of something that you've done monetarily that didn't
• 37:14
  Speaker 4: use a spreadsheet, that used your intuition and was successful.
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: Because I'm listening, I need to hear that, because I
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: think most of the time we're going like, there's no
• 37:25
  Speaker 4: way you're going to do it without a spreadsheet.
• 37:26
  Speaker 5: So blow my mind right now.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: A really good example is I wanted to renovate a
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: portion of our house and I actually started to dream
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: about an addition that we were going to put on
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: the house. And I told Scott, I said, I want
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: to do this, and so why don't we get a
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: home equity alone and do this? And it was in
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: twenty nineteen and the start of twenty nineteen, and he
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: said to me, Now, he's a banker's son, So he said,
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: I think the only way we do it is if
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: we can just cash flow it. And I had kind
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: of done the numbers and I knew how much, and
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking, how am I going to get enough saved
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: to meet not only the mount that's needed, but the
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: timeline that I want to have this all come together?
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: It would just be so much easier to get a
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: home equity alone. But he was pretty adamant. So I
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: said fine, and he goes, we'll work on it. And
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: when he says that, I know that he's like now
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: truck in this intuitive, trusting space. But he went outside.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: He has we have a teepe in the backyard, and
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: he went outside and he often meditates in the teepe
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: or in his garden. And he came back in later
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: that day and he said, it's coming. The money's coming.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: And I remember thinking, like, how's it coming? Like, yeah,
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: I want to bitch. Can you just can you just
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: tell me like who and when and just some specific
• 38:49
  Speaker 2: details so that I'll relax.
• 38:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah, why am I supposed to type into a spreadsheet? No,
• 38:53
  Speaker 5: it's coming. No, I need a formula, I need a
• 38:55
  Speaker 5: starting point. I need the money. Yeah.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: So I kind of put it out of my head
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: and thought, all right, I just have to live with this.
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: And a few maybe a week or so later, I
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: get a phone call from a gentleman that we that
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: we knew, and he said, I want to introduce you
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: to someone that is looking for some help that maybe
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: you can do, and would you be in agreement to
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: go and meet with them. I didn't know this person.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: I didn't know that they needed help. I would never
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: have marketed to this person. And so I went and
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: met them, and you know, in that first meeting, he said,
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: I would love for you to help us. You know
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: how much would it cost? And I'm like, because I've
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: done my amount of what that remodel is, I'm like
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: this amount of money. And not only did I say that,
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: I also said, and I need this much upfront, and
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: I want to be paid a third, a third, a third,
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: like in the next three months.
• 39:48
  Speaker 4: It's literally aligned with the payments.
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: The way with what I knew the renovation was. And
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: he agreed to every single thing, and I walked out thinking, wow.
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: There was several takeaways. The negotiation of how the cash
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: flowed was much easier than it's ever been. I asked
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: for way more than I've ever asked for myself, and
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: it was so much easier all over. So we went back,
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: we started the remodel, COVID hit we still had the
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: remodel finish, and by November of twenty twenty, we finished.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: We finished the remodel, and the project ended shortly after that.
• 40:30
  Speaker 5: I mean that's amazing. I think that's what.
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: We have, all these quotes that were told, like you
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: gotta spend money to make money, and you've got to
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: like go out and do competitive especially in marketing, competitive
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: analysis for pricing and all of these things. And what
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: you brought up earlier that I want you to dive
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: back into because you didn't actually dive deep enough into
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: this was the idea of drive. That knowing what you
• 40:57
  Speaker 4: need rather than looking from the outside is something we
• 41:01
  Speaker 4: touched on. But it's also really knowing what you need.
• 41:03
  Speaker 4: Like you the confidence it sounds like you went into
• 41:06
  Speaker 4: that with came from the knowing of this information from
• 41:13
  Speaker 4: a completely different perspective. It wasn't a business perspective. It
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: was something that lay wanted. Which also leads me back to, like,
• 41:18
  Speaker 4: that's what you always tell Tessa, Tessa, what do you want?
• 41:20
  Speaker 4: So that seems like something really important that we need.
• 41:22
  Speaker 5: To touch on. Is this this thing you mentioned is drive?
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: What is it right? And it is what kind of
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: you start to understand that says what actually limits me?
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: And for me, there had been a couple of things,
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: being a you know, when I was in corporate America
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: and I first started my business and all my clients
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: were corporate clients. I knew because I worked so closely
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: with partners, and the partners of like Arthur Anderson and
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: Ernstein Young and big firms would bring me in as
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: a as a sub and so that pricing was always
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: very easy. But in the world of pricing for myself,
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: I was never I never really understood it. And so
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: finally one day I had a dear friend tell me,
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: you know, well, there's a coach locally that makes a
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: million dollars a year. And I'm like, there's no way,
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: There's absolutely no way they can do that. And he said, yeah,
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: he does it with ten clients. And I said, and
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: they're small business owners. Very valid you know, I'm validating
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: what this is. And he said yes, And so I
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: asked to meet with this I asked him, I said,
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: can you make a you know, a meeting where I
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: could meet this guy? And he agreed to meet with me.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: And when we got there, he asked me direct He said,
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: why is it that you wanted to meet with me?
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: And I said, I'll be very candid. I want to
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: know what you charge to make a million dollars a
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: year with ten clients. I mean, in my mind, I
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: knew the math, but I wanted to know, like, how
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: does it happen? How do you get that? Because I
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: don't see that? And he first of all kind of
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: said to me, well, you know when I when I
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: heard you wanted to meet with me, I had to
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: kind of talk to my coaches because looking at you
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: on paper made me feel uncomfortable, which I would never
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: have guessed. So we were both coming where each other
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: held a key that one of us wanted. And in
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: that conversation, as he started to explain his process to
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: me and I was questioning him, he stopped and he goes,
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: I know what your problem is. He goes, you decide
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: for people what they can pay you. And I sat
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: there for any He goes because right away you've said,
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: well this person, their business is this small, because I
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: knew several of the clients that he had. And he goes,
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: you've decided for them based on parameters. You've defined that
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: they wouldn't make that investment, and that's not your decision
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: to make. And I was shocked because he was exactly right.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: I was discounting. So I had this drive, but I
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: had a bigger answer that didn't trust myself. So I
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: had to flip drive around to really be the drive
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: that came from my knowing that if I really wanted
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: to make that kind of money, then I had to
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: trust myself. I had to know myself, and I had
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: to know the value. And so knowing the value was
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: something that he said, I tell everyone. The other thing
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: I tell them is that you'll make that money up
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: in the first year working with me, And I thought, well,
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: I could say that I easily know that that kind
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: of return is there. And then it was just this
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: really wild economy, like if I know the value is there,
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: why don't I have the drive and courage to ask
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: for the money? And it was just a really it
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: was an amazing mirror for me to see that that
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: was a lesson about my own capacity and where I
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: was the only one limiting myself. It wasn't the market,
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: it wasn't the clients, it was myself. And so I
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: had to change that drive to say, where else in
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: my life do I limit myself because of my belief
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: about who I am, and I had to lean deeper
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: and deeper and deeper into intuition because I knew I
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: can't read books and have them give me something personal
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: about me when they don't know me. The answer that's
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: really personal is myself. And so Scott and I we
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: talked a lot about it, and there are two really
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: defining moments that we took big steps that I would
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: say cracked me open to knowing myself deeper. And the
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: first one was the decision to do plant medicine. We
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: went to Peru and we did the sacred plant medicine
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: of ayahuasca, which totally blew my mind open and apart
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: from anything that I believed. And then the second thing
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: was I did a ten day meditation but passuna silent retreat,
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: silent retreat for two days, speak for ten days, y'all.
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And I mean that sounds kind of magical to
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: be honest, Like what a relief, you know, instead of
• 45:45
  Speaker 4: like telling anybody what to do, instead of having to
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: have a conversation about things, you could just shut it off.
• 45:51
  Speaker 4: But I can also imagine that being the space in
• 45:54
  Speaker 4: which my head goes, oh, yeah, I've got your full
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: fucking attention. Now, let me give you all the scaries,
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: let me.
• 45:59
  Speaker 5: Get all the things you don't want to hear.
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Because you really start to recognize the difference between thinking,
• 46:05
  Speaker 2: which is your mind very active, and you're knowing, which
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: is your intuition being activated. And in that ten days
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: for me personally, the first three days were super hard
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: because I, first of all, I wanted to be a
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: good student. That's you know, that drive in me.
• 46:22
  Speaker 5: So I raise your hand to be proud of me. Yeah,
• 46:27
  Speaker 5: I am a good dog.
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: You're you are up at four and you go to
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: bed at nine point thirty, and you meditate all but
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: about an hour of that and you're setting in in
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: the meditation hall in meditation, and it's and they're guiding.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: Some some are quiet, and some were hours of determination
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: which whatever position you sat in you could not move,
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: you know, they they discipline. The discipline was even harder
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: that you know, you weren't supposed to move. A fly
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: lands on your nose. You just let it be. And
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: I had some really painful experience. But what happened was
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: I started to get out of thinking because I had
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: to just focus so hard on my breath to get
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: through the hour. That breathing then dropped me into these
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: beautiful memories and moments that rose up that were the
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: most amazing experiences that have happened in my life that
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: just taught me such deep truths about myself. And I
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: returned more and more and more to probably that inner
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: knowing that I had when I was four and six
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: and seven. You know, I was getting back there. I
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: was shedding without you know, going through this process of
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: intentionally shedding or ripping things apart. I was just returning
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: and it was it was really beautiful at the end
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: of it. And similarly, the trip to Peru, I remember
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: after the first night being feeling very untethered. I had
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: never done anything like that that took me out of
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: my body in a way that was unfamiliar, and so
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: having that experience and not really knowing how far that
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: unfamiliar band went, and you know, could I just disappear?
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: Could something just suck me up and away. I would
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: sit next to Scott and I would say, now, don't
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: leave without having my hand, and let's not walk back
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: to our you know, the place we were staying unless
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: you have my hand. And finally he said, you know,
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: you're really preoccupied with leaving and you need to talk
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: to the shaman. And so we went and I told
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: the shaman and I said, I feel just untethered, like
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: I'm not tied anymore, even to this physical world. And
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: he said, it's because you've been shown something that is
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: unknown to you. And he said, you know, if you
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: think about it, what you know is like your house.
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: You know when you go in your house, where your
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: shoes belong, where your keys belong, where your purse belongs,
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: and everything is familiar. He goes, the medicine is taking
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: you to someplace that is unfamiliar. And so instead of
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: being consumed with the unfamiliarity of it, you need to
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: ask the medicine tonight when you drink again, what can
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: you teach me? What am I to learn? Why am
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: I experiencing this unfamiliar this part of me that's unfamiliar.
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: And so that was the best advice because the next
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: night I asked a lot of questions, and as I
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: asked those questions that it was just like I was
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: on hyperdrive with the medicine, going deeper and deeper and deeper,
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: and the answer was all about me. And that's you know,
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: that feels really kind of self serving, but it's the
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: reality is the answer is all about the gifts that
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: you have, the way you see the world. The story
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: that you've created, what it's made meaning to you, and
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: how you live in this world now that you are
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: the author of And I saw everything that I had authored.
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: I saw my education, I saw living in New York.
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: I saw the reasons why I had been single. I
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: saw the decision to not have children. I saw all
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: these elements of myself that were completely fine. There was
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: no judgment about it, but how aspects of me had
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: made all those decisions. And I could own it without regret,
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: without feeling like I had missed something, but knowing that
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: it was laying this perfect plan for me for the
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: rest of my life to live. And as soon as
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: I could open my arms to that, then I could
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: step into that potential future that was still waiting for me.
• 50:40
  Speaker 2: And I had still enough time on earth to do.
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: And I think that's now what Scott and I are doing.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: We've both stepped into what's still possible and potential for us,
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: versus staying where we're at.
• 50:54
  Speaker 3: So so what I want to be, it's so where
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: where I'm trying to live.
• 51:03
  Speaker 4: L Ray.
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: One of the famous famous lessons around here that I
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: have told time and time again that I was hoping
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: you could expand on because I think it goes right
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: with this is the idea that almost every hard thing
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: is a lesson and the way you first taught it
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: to me, because I came to you and I was like,
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: we've already had this lunch. I've already asked you this
• 51:31
  Speaker 3: question probably five times, you know, and here we are
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: again learning this same lesson, and you said you gave
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: me the bar of soap analogy. Will you tell me?
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: Will you tell these people about that? Because it's hands
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: down one of the it's allowed me to give myself
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: grace learning the same lesson over and over again. Will
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: you talk to me about that?
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I told you that. You know, the lesson is
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: different all the time. And it's as if you have
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: a bar soap and you're you know, you're you're washing
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: or you're you're cleaning something off, but you basically take
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: one layer of the soap off and it's just another
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: layer and just another layer, and that each of the
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: layers have a reason behind them or an aspect for them,
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: and you can't you can't shortcut to the middle of
• 52:23
  Speaker 2: the bar. You have to go through the layers. And
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: that was something that you know, again being analytical, I
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: kept thinking well, there's got to be a short.
• 52:31
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I'm already thinking of I mean, you can
• 52:33
  Speaker 4: break that thing and have you can throw it, you
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: can chop it, you can soak it in water, and
• 52:36
  Speaker 4: then you can bring I mean, there's a lot of things.
• 52:39
  Speaker 5: And you know that when the bar just keeps reappearing.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: And the bar keeps reappearing, And that's what I told Tess.
• 52:44
  Speaker 2: I said, the lesson keeps coming back to you until
• 52:47
  Speaker 2: you've learned everything that the lesson is meant to teach you.
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: And you know, I look in my own life and
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: I've had several things that were like that. And I'll
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: take one example that actually became a challenge for me,
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: and that was, you know, I grew up predominantly in
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: a Mormon community, and so there were I had adopted
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: a lot of rules and limitations around me about around
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: the way I lived. It was just part of the culture.
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: And one of those was not drinking. So when I
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: moved to New York at the age of twenty five,
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: you know, I was not drinking, but all of my
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: friends at the age of twenty five in New York
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: are drinking. And so I would end out year after
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: year with them, and they would they would have a
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: happy hour and they'd you know, party and play. And
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: finally it was on my thirtieth birthday that my girlfriend said,
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: you know, Laray, why don't why don't you just now
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: you're like old enough, give yourself permission. And that's the
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: first teacher that alcohol became was a teacher of permission.
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: And I had to decide in that moment, is that true?
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: Do I who is giving me more permission? Faith or myself?
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: And and obviously I decided, yeah, I think I'm old
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: enough to make that decision. And I made that decision
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: and drank champagne that night. And after that I was
• 54:08
  Speaker 2: a social drinker and could easily have it or not
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: have it or whatever. And then it was much later
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: in my life that having a business and having the
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: stress of a business that alcohol showed up as a
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: different teacher. And this time it was like, oh, maybe
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: if I just had three glasses at dinner instead of one,
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: that then I just felt better. I didn't have all
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: those worries and problems that my mind was creating. And
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: it suddenly turned and my relationship with alcohol changed, and
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: there was a lot of judgment that I had for
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: myself in that process, and I started to feel really
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: weak that I had this experience or this relationship with
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: alcohol that felt again like it was driving me versus
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: me driving it. And then all of a sudden, I realized,
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: oh wait, it's a teacher. It's here to teach me something,
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: and it's to teach me all about me again. And
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: that whole experience of going into a choice and saying
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: I don't want this anymore and recognizing what it was
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: doing for me and what it was doing against me,
• 55:12
  Speaker 2: and then me choosing was the lesson. And I remember
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: someone said, well, how long did you struggle with teacher?
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: I said, I struggled until I graduated from the teacher.
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: I finally reached a point where that teacher had nothing
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: more to teach me, and I graduated. So I never
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: felt that I had an addiction. And I know that
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: for people that struggle with alcohol, I know how real
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: that can be and feel. But for me, there was
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: just more and more lessons about myself for me to learn.
• 55:43
  Speaker 2: And it was one of the most expansive teachers and
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: also one of the hardest teachers.
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: I mean, it also sounds like the alcohol for you,
• 55:51
  Speaker 4: which can be a variety of different things for anybody.
• 55:55
  Speaker 4: We often think things are happening to us, and therefore
• 55:59
  Speaker 4: we are victims of it and there's nothing we can
• 56:01
  Speaker 4: do with it. And I think the big shift that
• 56:05
  Speaker 4: you're touching on is what if we just changed that
• 56:08
  Speaker 4: perspective for a moment and we stop thinking this is
• 56:11
  Speaker 4: happening to me and ask ourselves, why is this happening.
• 56:16
  Speaker 4: It's not necessarily happening to me. I'm a player in
• 56:20
  Speaker 4: the game, but this is an opportunity for learning rather
• 56:23
  Speaker 4: than a judgment a battle that's going to ensue.
• 56:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And that was where I had to get because
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: there were definitely times where I felt a victim to it,
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: like it was happening to me, you know, Oh my goodness,
• 56:35
  Speaker 2: I should have never drank when I was thirty. Oh yeah,
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: and the blame game games. And then suddenly it just
• 56:41
  Speaker 2: started to shift. And as it shifted, it just became
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: really apparent that this is another teacher, and it may
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: be a painful teacher, but we all have those teachers.
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: And then I started to see that you know, failed relationships, arguments,
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: you know, strained relationships with family members, all of those
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: can be teachers if we can lift them to a
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: place where we can say, what is this here to
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: teach me? Versus have a relationship with it that is
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: in conflict and that you are constantly trying to battle it,
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: versus learn from.
• 57:15
  Speaker 3: It curiosity and curiosity, and that the bar of soap
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: gets smaller and the bar time you pick it up
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: and think of it as a lesson instead of and
• 57:27
  Speaker 3: a teacher rather than something that's happening to you. Right,
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: That just helps me out so much every time I'm
• 57:34
  Speaker 3: up against that what feels like the same lesson but
• 57:37
  Speaker 3: a different layer. I have you in my mind going,
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: But the bar of soap gets easier to hold, and
• 57:43
  Speaker 3: you get through the lesson quicker. So as you're mentioning
• 57:46
  Speaker 3: this alcohol story like it's hard, hard, hard, simpler until
• 57:51
  Speaker 3: it's smaller and then it's not, and then it's not.
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: And that's that's the way it is with any of it,
• 57:56
  Speaker 2: and it's and it can also shift because the reality
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: is the bar soap is you. So you will never
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: go to no bar. You will still have you, but
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: you'll just you'll have a different relationship with yourself as well,
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: and you'll stop, You'll become more curious and inquisitive about
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: who you are and what you're meant to do, and
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: become less in conflict with yourself and what your purpose is,
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: you know, and you start to see things differently, like, man,
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: maybe there's a bigger purpose than being just being a
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: business owner. Maybe there's a purpose that is meant to
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: be something that is very creative, that's calling me that
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: there's no purpose outside anyone but myself to learn. And
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: during COVID I experienced that. I you know, I had
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: a experience where I woke up one day and I
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: told Scott I'm going to make sour dough bread. And
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: He's like really, And I said, yeah, I'm going to
• 58:52
  Speaker 2: make sourdough bread. And in making sourdough bread, I have
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: had the most powerful lesson about myself and about what
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: I can do with my hands and what I enjoy
• 59:03
  Speaker 2: doing and how it needs my attention.
• 59:06
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 59:07
  Speaker 2: Not having children, I haven't had that experience, but I
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: have soured o bread. That teaches me a lot about that. Plants, plants,
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: I have roast. Now you know that teach It comes
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: and fills the gaps of things that we're meant to
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: learn about ourselves that we haven't yet all.
• 59:24
  Speaker 4: Right, Well, if your mind is being blown about being
• 59:26
  Speaker 4: a bar of soap, because mine is at the moment, ray,
• 59:31
  Speaker 4: I just want to say thank you. I often don't
• 59:33
  Speaker 4: get the same amount of time with you as clearly
• 59:36
  Speaker 4: as Tessa does, but I would like more of this
• 59:39
  Speaker 4: because this was really beautiful to be able to talk
• 59:41
  Speaker 4: about all these things and hear about your stories, and
• 59:45
  Speaker 4: to give our audience just a little bit of a
• 59:46
  Speaker 4: wrap up, because you've said so many things like you
• 59:51
  Speaker 4: are the soap that have blown my mind. So I
• 59:55
  Speaker 4: know everybody else got a lot out of this.
• 59:58
  Speaker 5: I think to wrap it up in some of.
• 59:59
  Speaker 4: Those y takeaways, this idea that we are our biggest
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 4: asset is truly true, and I think it's easy for
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 4: us to forget that and to move ahead, you know,
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 4: move away from it by using our thinking brain and
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 4: not our intuition and betting on yourself.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, betting on yourself, owning your own destiny.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 4: I mean just pretty much everything asking yourself, what do
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 4: you want, what do you need, what's going to light
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 4: you up, et cetera. Those are all just so important things.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 4: And some of the ways to get there that I
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 4: heard was comparison of yourself to others is a deal
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 4: breaker that's just gonna chop you down into little pieces
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 4: and keep you small.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 5: And as much as small is comfortable.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 4: And small is accepted by the outside world, fuck it,
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 4: We're not here to be small.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 5: We're here to be big. We're here to be us
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 5: and that's super important.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 4: And then also this idea that instead of things happening
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 4: to us, these circumstances that occur really their opportunities for
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 4: us to learn and learn continually from those things. And
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 4: it's a never ending story of bars of soap, bars
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: of soap, bars of soap as they get smaller and
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 4: smaller and easier and easier. But it's always going to
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 4: be there.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 5: And we can't use our thinking.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 4: Brain to soak it to then break it, because I
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 4: know it would theoretically get soft enough for me to
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 4: be able to just crush it in that one moment.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 4: But it's really about the experience of it and what
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 4: is it hare to teach us and what is it
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 4: here to teach us? And those things they're huge and
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 4: they're so simple at the same time, but it is
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 4: a daily practice of continually thinking about them and getting
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 4: us there.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 3: So yeah, thinking versus knowing.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 4: Gotta be careful now about the word thing yeah, insight, Yeah,
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 4: And also I mean on this idea of heart and head.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 4: You know, we talk about it in separate spaces, but
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 4: it really is the all. It is the one thing together.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 4: It just is easy to talk about in two pieces
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 4: because it helps us get understanding behind it. But really,
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 4: when we're thinking, we're using just our brain. But when
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 4: we're knowing, we're using that whole. We're using the brain
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 4: and the intuition and all of the things that are
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 4: really just us, which is nice, and.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: That's you want to return to that wholeness where you're
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: using all of your potential and all of your gifts
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: and talents to guide that path rather than just the mind.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 3: We are all Yeah, I love that we're all one.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 4: Thank you for letting me wrap those up. You know,
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 4: I love a bullet point my brain. I appreciate that.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: I'm impressed.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: I love just you know, when you're in fear, right,
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 3: when we're being driven by fear, you had a couple
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 3: moments for us. Coming back to that wholeness and back
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 3: to that center is always your advice to me, So
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: thank you for sharing it. With the people here. I
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: feel so lucky that you all get to hear from
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 3: Loray and she's now a part of your life life,
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 3: And isn't that cool? That really so cool.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 4: My ego loves to know the answer is just inside
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 4: of you. Heck yeah, great ego stoked on this one.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 3: Put down the books, put down your notepad, put down
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 3: your Excel shed spreadsheet, put down your goal setting, and
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 3: go back to.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 4: Yourself and then use the tools which are everything you
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 4: just listened.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's amazing. I've had the pleasure of having you
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 3: facilitate medicine journey for me and for others, and I
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 3: want everyone to know where else you can find Loray.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 3: So Loray, I also love your podcast. Can you talk
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 3: about your podcast?
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 2: Scott and I started a podcast called The Observatory three
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: years ago and it's it's all about the inner journey.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: So my husband likes to say, you know, the whole
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: experience of life is you observing you, being you. So
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: the Observatory podcast is helping people see and get glimpses
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: of others that are in that process. So we have
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: and that can be found on all podcast platforms The
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: Observatory and it can also be found on Instagram as
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: the Observatory Pod and then I'm also on Instagram as
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: Loray Underscore, right, and.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: Also talk about I've also had the experience of going
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: to a recent retreat. Can you talk a little bit
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 3: about the upcoming retreats that you're hosting.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: Yes, So we've started doing very experiential retreats and they're
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 2: called You Are the Medicine Retreats, and so again you
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 2: can go on Instagram as you Are the Medicine Retreats
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: and find out when we're having them and when they'll be.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 2: But this was something that we just recently felt called
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: to and again it being less thinking and you know,
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: teaching people about how your nervous system works and all
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 2: of that. Instead of doing that, you actually come and
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: experience that. So the experience of allowing yourself to return
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 2: to knowing you are the Medicine is the whole point
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 2: of the retreats. And there four days their deep dives,
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 2: but very enjoyable because it's not classroom that you're outside,
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: you're doing various things.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 4: And I heard there were horses involved in There are
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 4: horses who have missed it.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there are horses and just a beautiful community so
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 2: of like minded people that are wanting to discover why
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: they are their medicine and they kind of know that
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: they want to go deeper with it. So yes, look
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: us up, come join us. We'd love to have you.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: And then lastly, what's lighting you up right now?
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: There's so many things. Definitely, the retreats with Scott is fabulous.
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: Another thing that I've recently started is certifying with Gabormatte
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 2: Compassionate Inquiry, which.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 5: We got to put some resources down for people about.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was such an invitation that came very lightly
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 2: to me and it kind of created this inquisitiveness and
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 2: little did I know that these I started it about
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: a month than a half ago, and the first four
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 2: months are a very deep dive into yourself and into
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 2: your childhood and it has just been magical and surprising
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 2: and beautiful to create this space of compassion and inquiry
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: into yourself. And then from there we'll spend four months
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: doing relationships that are close to you, and then the
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 2: last four months it's relationships that are more community and
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: external of you. And his work is fascinating and it
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 2: just expansive again. It's beautiful.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 4: Grow down, Grow down, so you can just become the
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 4: original version of yourself that was so big and beautiful.
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 4: And then after you've served yourself and given yourself what
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 4: you need, that's we're in the best place to serve others. Right.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 3: You once gave me this quote that was something like,
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 3: it's not about finding yourself, it's about excavating the self
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 3: that's always been there. And I still have it on
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 3: my mirror, and so thank you for being reminding me
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 3: of that every single time I see you.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 2: Oh you're so welcome, and ladies, thank you for inviting
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: me to be here. I have enjoyed this conversation. I
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 2: love these kind of deep dives, and so thank you
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: for letting me join you on your podcast.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you, You're welcome. Well, pod squad, can
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 3: I call them that? That's not I can now just
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 3: go with it people, pod community. You can find more
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 3: of us on Geneva. We engage with you there. We
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 3: would love to hear from you and what's working for you,
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 3: what's not working for you, and what's lighting you up?
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 5: You know, what curiosities do you have? Or you can
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 5: find us on Instagram. Hate it.
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 3: You can find us on Instagram at Maven dot community.
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 4: Well, thanks Ray, this is absolutely a delight. Yeah, thank you,
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 4: And this is our first foray into having an outside
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 4: guest like you had I think we had previously mentioned and.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 5: I feel so much.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 2: Really it was fun.
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 5: We crushed it.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 3: Thank you. Thanks for showing up as yourselves, both of you,
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 3: all of you, all of us.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 5: You're good.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: It's amazing.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 5: We fucking rot all right.
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 3: Well, I love your partner, love you too, Love you Ray,
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 3: Love you guys, Love you a lot.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 2: Bye.
• 1:08:18
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• 1:08:41
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• 1:08:51
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• 1:08:59
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