Latest / Hustle Rebels: Burnout Recovery for Over-Achievers / Your Job Title Is Not Your Identity: Burnout, Layoffs, and Self-Worth

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Your Job Title Is Not Your Identity: Burnout, Layoffs, and Self-Worth · Hustle Rebels: Burnout Recovery for Over-Achievers

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: When that identity started to crack, it didn't just feel like a career change.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: It felt like a part of me was dying.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not being dramatic.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's just what it feels like when the thing that you've been told is you starts to disappear.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because your nervous system doesn't know the difference between losing a job and losing a person.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: It processes both as grief.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And nobody warns you about that.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: HR certainly doesn't put that in the exit packet.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is Hustle Rebels, a podcast for people who know how to grind but are starting to question the cost.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Renee, and here we talk about success, burnout, and nervous system regulation without glorifying exhaustion or sacrificing your health, relationships, or your sense of self.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: And without pretending ambition is the problem.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into it.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to House of Rebels, the podcast for people who still want to win but aren't willing to burn themselves down to do it.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: I am your host, Renee, and if you have ever introduced yourself at a party and led with your job title before your actual name, then this episode is for you.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Also, if you've ever stayed in a toxic work environment longer than you should have because you were terrified of losing your job in the version of yourself that that job created, then you should also stick with me.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: By the end of this episode, you're gonna understand why corporations are banking on you to tie your identity to your role, what that's actually costing you in your body, your relationships, and your creativity, and the honest first step to building an identity that no one can downsize, restructure, or riff out of existence.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And real quick, if this conversation is already hitting, make sure you're already subscribed because next week I've got a guest coming in, Aaron Tisdell Parker, who has lived this story already from the inside out, and you're not going to want to miss it.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get right into it.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I want to start with something that I think we definitely don't say out loud enough.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: We were trained to do this.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: From the time that we were kids, the adults all around us asked us one question more than pretty much any other question that they had asked us.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want to do when you grow up?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Not who, what?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: A doctor, a firefighter, a manager, an author, a director of operations, who knows.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so we would spend the next 20, 30, 40 years of our lives becoming a what?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Working ourselves into the ground, chasing a title that someone else defined inside of a system that was never actually designed around your humanity.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: It was designed around your output.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I say that with confidence.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: So let's just call it what it is.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Corporations, especially large ones, have known for decades that an employee who ties their self-worth to their role is a more compliant employee.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: So just think about it.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: If your identity lives inside that job title, you're not going to rock the boat.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to push back.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: And when they ask you to stay late, again, you're not going to file the complaint.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to leave.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because leaving would just mean losing yourself.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that's terrifying.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Losing your identity is terrifying.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you stay and you overdeliver and you sacrifice your nervous system, your sleep, your relationships, your creativity, all on the altar of a role that, let me be, let me be very clear, does not love you back.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: This is also based around the alienation theory.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: I've mentioned it in a couple of episodes, and you can go back and check those out as well.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: But you become an employee ID number.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And the moment you cost more than you produce, that number gets deleted.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not being cynical, I'm being honest.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: I watched this happen in EMS, I've seen it in corporate America, I've seen it in the public sector, I've even seen it in nonprofits.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Places that literally have the word mission in their branding and still treat their people like they're disposable.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen it in the church.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I have said it.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I personally was hired to do the work of a youth pastor.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: I showed up, I poured into those kids, I did the job, every single part of it.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I was not allowed to carry the title of youth pastor because I'm a woman.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: So they called me the youth director instead.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And listen, I just let it go.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: For a lot of reasons that I won't get into here, but the biggest one is that I loved those kids.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: I loved what I was doing, and I told myself that the title doesn't matter.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Does that sound familiar?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like it can be tied into many different things.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: But when tax season came, I found out that this church, this tax-exempt institution, had classified me as an independent contractor, not an employee, a contractor.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: So they could sidestep and skirt skirt, paying employer taxes on$18,000 a year.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was making$18,000 a year, giving everything I had, and now I owed more than 15% in self-employment taxes on top of it, because they didn't want to pay their share.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: A tax-exempt organization using a contractor classification to avoid taxes on someone they were already underpaying.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: If that's not the clearest picture of what it looks like to be a number, even in the so-called house of God, a corporation, then I don't know what is.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: The industry doesn't matter.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: The playbook is still the same.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Make the employee feel chosen, make them feel like the role or the mission, the calling, the ministry, whatever it might be, defines their worth and watch them work themselves into the ground trying to protect it.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't believe me, I want you to ask yourself this.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: When is the last time your employer lost sleep over your nervous system?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: When's the last time they checked in on your identity?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I know from personal experience and from the people that I also work with.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: When you fuse your identity to a role, you stop being a whole person.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: You become a function.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And functions don't have boundaries.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Functions don't take days off.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Functions don't say, I need to go home because I've already given you 12 hours of my life today.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I spent years as a firefighter paramedic thinking I made it.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Pension, retirement, stability, the whole thing.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: That was the dream, right?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I was so wrapped up in that identity, the badge, the role, the status, the giving, that I didn't notice that what it was doing to my body until it was already done.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: The burnout wasn't just about overwork.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: It was the slow erosion of me.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: The parts of me that existed before the job, the parts that had nothing to do with emergency calls and shift rotations.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And when that identity started to crack, it didn't just feel like a career change.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: It felt like a part of me was dying.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not being dramatic.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's just what it feels like when the thing that you've been told is you starts to disappear.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because your nervous system doesn't know the difference between losing a job and losing a person.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: It processes both as grief.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And nobody warns you about that.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: HR certainly doesn't put that in the exit packet.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's the twist that I need you to hear, especially if you're someone who's driven, ambitious, and high achieving.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And especially if people call you a hard worker, like it's the highest compliment that they could ever give you.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: We are the most vulnerable to this trap because we're the ones who went above and beyond.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: We're the ones who created roles for ourselves, who got promoted, who became the go-to person, and the one that they call when everything falls apart.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And we took pride in that.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to sit here and tell you that that is wrong because it's not.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with that.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: The drive is real and it is valid.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: But but nobody tells us is that that same ambition that got us in that room can become the very same thing that keeps us trapped in it.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because the higher that you climb inside someone else's structure, the more your identity gets welded to it.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then one day, whether it's a restructure, a new administration, a layoff, a pandemic, a pivot, whatever it might be, the structure shifts.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you're the one that's standing there with all this drive and none of the context for who you are outside of it.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a personal failure, it's a design flaw of the structure.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it was built into the system on purpose.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: So what do we do with this?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be clear.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not here to tell you to just quit your job, burn it all down, and go live off the grid somewhere in Vermont.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: Although sometimes I wish I could do that, to be completely frank.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the move.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: The move is to start building an identity that exists beneath the role, one that doesn't need a title to validate it.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself this.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Who were you before they gave you the job?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: What were you curious about?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: What made you feel alive before performance reviews existed?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: What parts of you got quietly shelved because they didn't fit the job description?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's where your identity lives.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Not in the title, not in the charts, not in the corner office or the badge or the first responder uniform.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: In you, in the version of you that existed before the system got its hands on you.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what I know to be true: the people who weather career pivots, layoffs, restructures, all of it, with the most resilience and the least collateral damage, they're the ones who never fully handed their identity over to begin with.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: They brought themselves to the role and they didn't become it.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I actually want you to take from this.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, what most people miss.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Burnout isn't just about the hours, it's about betrayal.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: The moment you realize you gave the best of yourself to something that never saw you as more than a resource, your nervous system keeps score even when your ego doesn't.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, what actually changes things?
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's not the new job, it's not a promotion, it's not even more money.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Though, although, I know we all got bills, I'm not going to pretend that that's not real.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: What changes things is doing the uncomfortable work of separating your worth from your output.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Asking yourself consistently, who am I when I'm not performing without the performance reviews and without someone else telling me I'm doing a good job?
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, what you should stop outsourcing and giving away.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Stop outsourcing your sense of value to your employer's opinion of you.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Stop waiting for a title change to feel like you're enough.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Stop letting a performance review tell you whether you had a good year or not.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: You should know whether you did.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: You existed before that job.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: You will exist after it.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: And the version of you that knows that deeply, not intellectually, that's the version that builds something sustainable.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I know that this was a lot.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to try to bring it home and recap some shit.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: What was the pattern?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: So we've been conditioned since childhood to intertwine and tie our identity to a role with a very simple question of all these adults asking us, what do you want to do when you grow up?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want to go to college for?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: What, what, what, what, what?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not who, who.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: We wanted to go back to the identity of who.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Corporations benefit from that conditioning.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And they know that.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: All right, next thing, what is the cost?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: When the role shifts and it will shift, we don't just lose a job, we lose ourself.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: The alienation theory.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's grief.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: Grief that our bodies and our minds don't know any different than losing a physical person, much like a loved one.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same type of pain, the same type of grief.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes nervous system dysregulation.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: That is a burnout that goes much deeper than just being tired.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's visceral.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: It also starts to affect those that are around us as well.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: And how can you make that shift?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: First step, start building an identity that lives underneath the title.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Know who you are outside of what you produce.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because that version of you, nobody can restructure that.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody can steal that.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody can put that in an exit package.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's yours.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: So claim it.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you've heard everything that we just covered today and thought, okay, but where do I actually start doing this work?
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: I actually built something exactly for this moment.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Burn the Blueprint Masterclass.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's a short three-day video training, and you get instant access to the complete replay for only$27.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: $27.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's less than a tank of gas, which we all know is a little expensive right now, less than a dinner night out, and for three days of getting to the actual root of why you keep ending up here.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Exhausted, high functioning, and quietly wondering how you can be doing everything right and still feel this empty.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: So just quickly, here's what we unpack inside the identities that you're still performing, not living, the conditioning that's been driving this burnout from underneath, why awareness alone can't change the pattern and what actually does.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: And how to start rebuilding from your own values, not inherited ones, not ones that a corporation has handed you with a job offer.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yours.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Each day of training is about 35 minutes of core teaching.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: So if time is tight, you can move through the material efficiently.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: There's no bullshit, no filler, just some work.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: So the link is going to be in the show notes.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: $27, instant access, and you can watch it on your own schedule.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: If today you craft something open, that's not an accident.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's a signal, just like what your body is trying to tell you.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: So go burn the blueprint.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Next week, I'm sitting down with Aaron Tisdale Parker, a management consultant, former federal project manager, author, and someone who has lived every single thing that we have talked about today.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: He built a role for himself inside a federal agency, became a top performer three years running, and then watched the rug get pulled out from underneath him when the administration changed.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: What he did next and how he handled it is exactly what this show is about.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: So make sure that you're subscribed so that you don't miss it.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: That episode is going to drop next week.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if today's episode hits somewhere real for you, share it with someone who needs to hear it.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: You probably already know who that person is.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: It could even be yourself.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can also support the podcast in the show notes.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Find me on socials, and if you're ready to do this work in a real structured way, Burn the Blueprint is linked below.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: You are not your job title, you never were, and I will see you guys all next week.