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5 Tips to help you avoid Narcissists · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people.
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  Today we're going to be talking about 5 tips on how you can
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  avoid narcissists and toxic people in the future.
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  How you can cut them off faster than you normally would, get
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  them out of your life quicker. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  Tell y'all we'd be jamming and doing it when they're doing it
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  while that's playing y'all. But yes, y'all five ways to
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  avoid narcissist and toxic people before it happened.
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  Today's episode y'all make sure if you haven't already to check
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  out my book, my kids book. Remember, it's not your fault.
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  It's available on Amazon. It's a conversation starter to
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  help you talk to your kids about narcissistic toxic
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  relationships. Tell them the truth, setting
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  boundaries and things like that. You can find it on Amazon.
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  It's called Remember, it's not your fault because it's not it's
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  not your kid, your kid, kids. It's not your fault.
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  The damn sure isn't. But yes, y'all.
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  So I got I saw a video the other day.
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  Well, I saw this video a long time ago.
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  I reposted it today. It was like five ways that she
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  said she had been a narcissistic in a narcissistically abusive
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  relationship. Right.
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  A woman named Michelle's secret and she was doing into detail
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  about five ways and how she was going to avoid narcissists in
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  the future. And I was like, damn, that's
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  what those are some good ideas. So I'm going to give you her
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  five ways and I'm going to expound upon them.
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  You know, she did it in a minute, a minute long video,
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  right? She did it in a minute long
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  video. The video went pretty quickly
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  and whatnot. And I said, I'm going to break
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  it down. I'll play you her video so you
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  can hear what she had to say and that will help you give an idea.
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  I said because it'd be quicker if she it'd be quicker if she
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  did it herself, you know what I mean?
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  So check this out right here and I'll just break it down.
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  It's a minute long, OK. My turn 5 things I'll never do
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  after being married to a narcissist.
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  One, trust. I no longer immediately trust
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  people. Trust is something that needs to
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  be earned through me. 2 character.
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  I do not fall in love with anybody unless I get to know
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  their character first. So I need to know that your
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  actions match your words. Are you who you really say you
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  are? Three, I know now that other
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  people's feelings are not my problem.
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  I will not be trying to guess. There will be no more questions.
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  Like, are you OK? Did I do something wrong?
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  What's the matter? Yeah.
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  If you can't use your big boy words to express to me that you
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  have a feeling about something, don't expect me to ask you
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  what's going on with you. You need to either come to me or
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  we're done here. I ain't trying to figure that
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  shit out. Four.
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  I'll never not use boundaries again.
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  I'll never not have firm boundaries.
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  Because if I apply a boundary and you don't like it, then
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  guess what? I'm probably not for you.
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  Because me having boundaries is the space in which I can love
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  myself and you simultaneously. Because then we just get
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  enmeshed and it gets messy. And I've been there, done that,
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  not doing that again. And finally #5 I will never
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  allow someone to make me question my own sanity again.
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  Because if I apply one through 4 very well, chances are I'm going
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  to choose someone who's a quality person who is worth my
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  worth. There you go.
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  There you go. Those five ways that she used,
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  that she uses this point, going this point for after being
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  married to a toxic, narcissistic, abusive person,
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  right? And it, those ways can help you
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  out right there, right. So in the greater detail, the
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  first thing that she said, right, was that she would make
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  people earn her trust. Absolutely.
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  Yeah #1 earn. Make people earn your trust.
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  Don't just trust people Willy nilly.
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  Don't trust people because your friend recommended.
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  Don't trust people because this is a mutual acquaintance.
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  Well, our friend said this on his blind date.
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  So I should automatically trust you?
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  Or I see you on social media and you have a good social media
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  reputation, so I should automatically trust you?
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  No, Hell no. Make people earn your trust to
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  make them earn your trust. Like seriously, you have to make
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  them earn your trust. Like trust is not a given.
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  The commodity. Trust is not a commodity to just
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  be given to everybody around. Here's my trust for you.
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  Here's a little trust for you. No, make them earn it.
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  Like again, I don't even care if it's your best friend's sister
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  or brother, whatever, they still got to earn your trust.
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  They don't come in with, you know, automatic trust and
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  benefit of the doubt. That's how you get manipulated
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  easy. That's how you let your guard
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  down too early and get treated horribly for the duration of the
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  relationship dynamic for the duration, the duration of the
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  relationship, you mean. So that's what you said.
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  Number one was her second someone, she said, getting to
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  know that, getting to know their character.
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  Yeah, yeah, she used a beautiful saying.
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  Make sure that their words and their actions are matching up.
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  Don't fall in love with somebody.
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  Don't fall in love with a liar. Make sure that they're doing
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  what they're say. Make sure that their actions are
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  backed up by words. Make sure that their actions
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  like if their words are the currency, their action is the
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  gold or whatever that backs it up from the old days.
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  So you know, you had American dollar used to be backed up by
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  gold, something like that. I know it's not backed up by
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  gold anymore, but back in the day that's how it used to be.
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  You had something to back it up. Their actions back up their
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  words like don't fall in love with a liar because they cute,
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  but the guy dreads and they funny and they got they had
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  their own merchandise like impact over and say don't fall
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  in love like that. Make them earn your trust.
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  Sorry. Yeah, that is that.
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  Yeah, it was too easy. Too easy.
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  Sorry. But that happens right there.
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  It is funny, but make make sure you get to know them before you
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  fall in love with them. Because once you fall in love
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  with them and then they start to show you, show you their true
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  character, it's hard to break that tie.
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  Make sure you know them before you fall in love with them.
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  That's what she was saying. The third one is she the third
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  thing she was talking about was emotional immaturity.
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  Like if you if, if you get people that'll give you the
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  silent treatment early on. Like you just get just getting
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  to know somebody and they'll give you the silent treatment.
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  Or they're just acting off. They're just looking around, not
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  explaining themselves. And they have you guessing like,
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  hey, what's going on with you? Did I do something wrong to you?
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  And they don't explain their feelings.
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  They don't, they can't verbalize their emotions.
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  They just owe nothing. And then they treat you badly
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  because that you've done something wrong, but they refuse
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  to tell you what you've done wrong.
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  That's horrible. That doesn't work out.
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  That works for nobody. That doesn't serve anybody in
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  here but that narcissistic person.
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  Don't be guessing people's emotions.
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  Don't be guessing what you've done wrong because narcissists,
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  right? If you're dealing with a
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  narcissist and you've done something wrong and then they
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  don't tell you and you start guessing, you're giving them
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  more ammunition. Some of some narcissistic people
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  right, get mad. Some narcissistic people get mad
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  over small inconvenience, small, little small things.
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  And they know it's stupid. They know it's stupid to be mad
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  over what they're mad at. So they won't tell you what
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  they're mad at. You should know what you did
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  wrong. You should know what you did
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  wrong. Well, if you, if you don't know
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  what you've done wrong, then why am I explaining myself?
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  So you start guessing like she just said, you start guessing
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  and listing off things that you might have done wrong.
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  They had it. Look, they had a, they had a gun
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  with no ammo in it. Now they have plenty of bullets.
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  You're giving them bullets to verbally, you know, to
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  metaphorically shoot you with. Don't give them the ammunition.
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  You know what I'm saying? Don't deal with emotional
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  immature people. The faster you understand you're
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  doing an emotional immature person, the faster you can get
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  away from that person. I know people just like you
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  don't look, I'll say this. You don't have to let somebody
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  grow up on your dime on your time.
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  Like if you're dealing with a 40 or 50 year old person and
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  they're emotionally immature, what makes you think they're
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  going to grow up? Now, you know, over on my other
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  channel, I do story times, right?
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  I have a chat. I have a YouTube channel called
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  Lee Actions is right here. I'm doing a story time today
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  about a 6063 year old narcissistic abuser, horrible
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  person, horrible person. Follow that Channel over there.
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  Checking that story time out over there.
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  It's called Lee Actions. It's only on YouTube.
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  It's not anywhere on a podcast. And like that, it's my reaction
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  channel. But yeah, they don't get better
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  with age. You don't have to let them grow
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  up. Maybe if I stay a little with to
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  stay with them a little longer, they'll learn to express
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  themselves. Why you, you trying to let a
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  grown ass? How did I grate you?
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  How was your life? You going to live like you want
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  to live? The fourth thing she said
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  boundaries. She said she would no longer not
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  have boundaries. Yeah, boundaries help protect
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  you. Boundaries help keep you safe.
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  Boundaries allow you to love yourself and allow you to grow.
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  Just like Michelle said, boundaries are needed.
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  Don't let anybody disrupt your boundaries or disrupt your
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  peace, because if they if they violate boundaries early on or
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  you don't have any boundaries early on, it's very hard to
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  establish them later on. And boundaries allow you to be
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  free. Boundaries allow yourself
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  yourself some freedom in this space, right?
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  Boundaries allow your you to out people faster.
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  If you use learn how to use the word no early on.
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  Narcissistic people, toxic people hate the word no.
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  They tend to out themselves earlier when you say they
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  boundary or you do something or say something to them that makes
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  them feel uncomfortable. Like if they're trying to make
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  you feel uncomfortable and you say they boundary, they
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  typically lash out. They typically out themselves
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  faster. So learn to say no.
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  Like Michelle said, if you set a boundary and that boundary
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  disrupts them and they get angry or something like that, Y'all,
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  they probably not for you, but we'll leave.
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  What they're cute and they're funny.
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  They have everything else, but they just don't.
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  They just, they have everything else that they want.
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  They just don't respect my boundaries.
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  Then they then they don't have everything that you want unless
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  you just don't care about getting your boundaries
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  respected. A lot of people, I'm just
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  telling you, some people just like, well, they got money, Lee.
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  Money is my most, most important thing.
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  And I'll, I'll let them buy my violate my balance for a little
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  bit of money. Yeah.
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  Ain't that I can do for you Then you see what I'm saying?
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  If there's some most important things for you, ain't that I can
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  do for you Right there in that space, right there ain't
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  nothing. That's my old that's the North
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  Carolina, the southern drawl coming out.
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  There's not any. There's nothing I can do for
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  you. You know, you did Northern
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  there, right there. There's absolutely nothing I can
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  do for you, you know what I mean?
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  But boundaries help protect you. Boundaries keep you safe.
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  You want to be safe, but you not want to be safe.
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  Set boundaries only. I have a problem saying no.
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  Hey, you, you, you either learn how to say no or you become a
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  speed bump for people. You don't want to be a speed
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  bump for people. You see what I'm saying?
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  You don't have stop signs. You want to be speed bumps or
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  speed humps. You made a little speed bumps.
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  Some people use speed bumps as ramps.
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  You just jump and what not, y'all.
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  And the last thing that she listed off, y'all, we can keep
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  it short and sweet today was she's not going to make people
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  gaslight her. She's not going to let people
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  question her, make her question her own reality.
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  Because if you enforce the other four things that she said, you
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  typically don't get to this point right here.
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  But even if you do get to this point right here where they're
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  still trying to question, make you question your insanity, make
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  you question your reality, then if you like I said, if you gas
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  lighting can actually cause brain damage out gas lighting
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  can ruin your life. It can leave gas lighting for an
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  extended period of time can have a crippling effect on your life.
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  Is this person's worth you having a crippling of crippling
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  emotional mental effect on your life?
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  Believe that Cute. They got money, do they really
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  have money or you think do they really have money or you
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  gaslight yourself or you really Is it really?
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  Is it real money or is it monopoly money?
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  Do they really have money or they convince you that they just
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  tell you they have money? But this is the thing right here
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  y'all don't let people gaslight you.
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  Don't question your reality. Stand in the truth, stand in the
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  truth. The truth.
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  The truth shall set you free, the truth shall keep you there.
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  Stand in the truth. The truth is going to have you
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  being, like I said, the truth. If you keep the if you don't let
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  me, if you don't question your own truth, then you can't you
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  won't be questioning your reality.
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  You know, if you're not questioning the reality, you're
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  standing in your truth. You're standing on reality and
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  whatnot. Y'all, you're standing.
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  You know what's real. Don't question what's real.
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  Don't question the evidence in front of your eyes.
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  The, the stuff that you hear, the, the, the taste that you
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  tasted, the smell that you smelled, you know, don't do
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  that. The things that you've touched.
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  I know this is, this is a rough surface.
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  It's actually smooth. Your hands are rough.
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  Anyways, y'all, thank y'all for tuning into that episode, y'all.
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  I appreciate every single one of y'all.
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  If you haven't already, make sure you subscribe to this
• 12:53
  channel and also check out my reaction channel, My reaction
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  channel, getting live over there, y'all.
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  Anyway, y'all, of course, I think I'm thinking I'm tuning
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  in. As always, mental illness is
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  out. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I'm extremely grateful for you.
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  Have no idea? If you haven't already, make
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  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
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  Helps reach more people and click on the screen to watch
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  another video or to browse through another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
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  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.