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Sa Ep99 - Just Kidding: Whn Words Cross the Line · Seeking Approval Podcast

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Seeking Approval Podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Dr.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Chris Smith from the Iliad Methodist Church.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, life loss faith.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: And faith is not meant to be approved.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I want to take some honestly with you and have some honest conversations from the Word of God about daily.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: So join me here today on Seeking Approval.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Are we allowed to say anything we want as long as we precede it or follow it up with just joking or no offense?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was reading an article just the other day that our president actually had said, and this is not a political topic at all, is not what I'm wanting to do, but just when reading the headline, it kind of jumped out at me, or reading the article, the headline kind of jumped out at me.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: But he had made a mention when commenting about Iran.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: He used the phrase that Iran could take out Los Angeles or San Diego.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now, whether that's true or not is not what I'm discussing.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Whether he should have said it or not is not what I'm discussing.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: But it made me think of when do our words cross the line?
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because whether he should have said it or not, or whether it's true or not, saying something like that is going to ensue fear and panic.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: I mean that there's no um there's nothing good going to come out of it for the people in Los Angeles or San Diego, agree or disagree with how they're living and what they're doing and who California's you know governor are governor is and anything like that, you know, agree or disagree with it, when something like that is said, not much good is gonna come out of it.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, trying to bring that to you and I we have all heard those things where it says, you know, come on, I was just kidding.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or can't you take a joke, or you're too sensitive?
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't mean anything by it.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Or that's just how I talk.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's just how I am.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes those things can be true, but sometimes somebody isn't joking, but they're trying to mask it.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then there are times when people are overly sensitive.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: We live in a we live in one of the most sensitive eras of of uh communication that we've probably ever lived in, but there's probably more communication going on now than there ever has been.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe people, you know, fifty years ago were just as sensitive, but nobody knew about it because nobody talked about it.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: I have no idea.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: But the question is, when does that when do our words cross the line and become cruel speech or making people a punchline?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 26, 18 and 19 says, As a madman who casteth firebrands, arrows, and death, so is the man that deceiveth his neighbor and saith, Am I not in sport?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I that was when I started looking at this from the biblical point of view, and I when I that came to mind after reading that article, and this uh I read that Proverbs verse.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I'd never really noticed that before, but that's exactly what that verse is saying.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this person who says whatever they feel like they want to say, whether it's true or not, they're equating that person to someone who is casting firebrands, uh, you know, throw uh uh shooting arrows or bringing death, and then saying, hey, I was just joking.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was just joking by throwing that spear at you.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: I was just joking by trying to shoot you with an arrow.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's all just in fun.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I I I can't believe that the Bible is so clear on that about this very same, this very topic.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I guess the the thought is that that when we are able to say something like, you know, hey, wasn't I in sport?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Wasn't I just joking?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: It it doesn't change or undo what was said.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And especially in leadership, uh, you know, which it seems like I've been in leadership, you know, from my late teens.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Uh everything you say is is magnified.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Everything you say moves people.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you're any type of leader, it moves people, but what direction are you moving them?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um and we have to be careful with when we say stuff.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, going back to what our president said, um, you know, I like a lot of things he's doing.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh and I I think you know he's trying to do things to you know help, you know, many aspects of the country.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Again, this isn't a political show by any means because I'd be in over my head because I don't keep up with politics.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: But just from a a person's standpoint who hears you know what's being said, um, there's a lot of things that's said that, you know, in my mind I'm thinking, I I don't know if I would have said that.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I would have.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I'm not in his position.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not I don't deal with the things that he deals with, I don't deal with the the hatred and and death threats and attempts on of you know on my life.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so maybe he's you know doing the things he needs to do in order to make it through what he's trying to do.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: But all I know is when I hear some of those things like that, or when I hear one of the big ones that I that that people say a lot of times, uh, and this is from a personal standpoint, especially in in your workplace, when when you're the authority in your workplace starts giving you the line, you know, well, you all should just be happy to have a job.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: That is um very that gets old after a while when you hear those things.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And and I had a I had a um an administrator for many years that would say those very words of, you know, you all should just be happy you got a job.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And speaking in, you know, to the whole group uh, you know, of of you know, there's probably you know 40 something people in there.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: We all should y'all should be happy you got a job right now.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's not a good way to, you know, cause people to want to work harder when you're dealing with you know adults and professionals.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I don't know that people think all the time about what they're actually saying, about the words that come out of their mouth.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs again, 1218 says that there is that speaketh like piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise is health.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Wise words can help in a situation, but we always I mean, do we mean what we say all the time?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Words don't mean exactly the same thing in every relationship, whether it's a coworker, whether it's a uh uh leadership to a subordinate, whether it's a husband to a wife, a parent to a child, the the tone, the relationship, the history, the culture, facial expression, timing, audience, all those things matter.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Facial expression is is a big one.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's very hard to get you know tone and and meaning out of text because you can't get a lot of the other cues that you need.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um and even timing is very difficult in text because you don't know what the other person is doing in the moment.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you may send a text because it's right for you in the moment, but the person on the other end may be in you know in the middle of something stressful.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: They may be in the middle of you know blowing out the candles on their birthday cake.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And here, you know, here you're sending a text that you know is one of those piercing type texts where you're needing an answer or you're wanting to get your point across, and you know, there your timing was way off.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so the the timing of it, the the the words, the the relationship.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's why that that article struck me uh whenever I was looking at it, whenever I was reading it, because then I'm I'm thinking about all those things like, well, what's the timing?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Why you know, why would this timing is is he trying to defend something that he's doing as far as with this you know war that's going on in Iran?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I know he's he's taking a lot of uh of heat uh for that.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Is he trying to is he trying to say, you know, hey, I'm I'm keeping you all safe because they they could strike America, but you know, was the timing right?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Did he word it right?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what got me thinking, like, how often have I been wrong in what I've said?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: How often have I have I miscommunicated, not because what I said was untrue, but because all the factors around it was wrong.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: I I had I had the wrong time.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: I had the the wrong, maybe the wrong intent.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's very difficult as a leader, and I and I'm trying to cut him some slack as well, it's very difficult as a leader when everything you say is you know well documented, everything you do, as I said, moves people one way or another.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody else would have said that, if the if the regular person would have said that, you know, hey, at any point, you know, uh, you know, Tennessee could, you know, attack Georgia and and bomb them and all that stuff, people would care less because it's just some person talking.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're in that that that point of leadership, your words, they move people.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um I remember years ago we were I was at church and it was a group of uh older men, uh they were probably in you know like 60s, 70s uh or so uh at that time.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I've always, you know, just out out of slang, I'll always, you know, say like, hey man, or hey, hey boy, how you doing?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just part of uh how I've always you know talk, being on job sites, things like that, you know, no disrespect to it.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a you know, it's just something that comes out not thinking about it.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know, hey boy, what's going on?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And uh so I walked, I was walking around shaking hands during the fellowship time, and I got to that uh group, there was three men standing there talking.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: I got back there and I said, Boys, how y'all doing?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And uh one of the men, he was kind of standing to my right.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was kind of walking up toward his left shoulder, and he turned and looked at me with a very serious look on his face.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: He turned and looked at me.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: He says, Don't you ever call me boy again?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: At first I thought he was joking, you know, so I kind of like chuckle a little bit.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: He wasn't joking.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Just something that simple where I there was really no meaning or intent in it, other than just a normal way I would walk up to any group of men, like, well man, how y'all doing?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Boys, how's everything going?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it was in his world, that was uh uh that was a slanderous comment to call him a boy.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: And uh never thought about it uh until that moment.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And ever since then I think about it.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: I try to be very aware of how I approach people and how I how I even greet them.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I missed the mark, I'm sure, many, many times.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I try my best.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Colossians 4 6, we're actually studying Colossians on Wednesday night right now in uh our Wednesday night uh study.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: But it says, Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: How ye ought to answer.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Wisdom recognizes that I don't speak to everybody the exact same way.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I never said boy to that man again.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Not because I was scared or anything like that, just because I it it I understood now that you know some people don't like that.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, you know, it doesn't bother me if somebody you know walked in and said, Hey boy, what's going on?
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'd say, How you doing?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, great, how you doing?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: So wisdom helps you to understand how you carry yourself and speak to yourself.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now, one of the problems, one of the reasons why a lot of people have this uh courage without consequence when it comes to communication is because of uh our internet, social media use, uh being able to hide behind fake names and usernames and some cartoon profile picture, burner accounts, uh comment sections where people can say anything and jump out and never have to suffer the consequences for it.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: They just drop a bomb and leave.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you know, these keyboard warriors out there and with hundreds and hundreds of miles between you and the person you're talking to.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And there's been situations and it's and it's quite hilarious whenever people have confronted those, uh physically confronted those who have you know made comments or said things uh that are derogatory or negative, and then the person gets to confront the one who said you know the words that were so hurtful or derogatory, and a lot of times things change.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I was uh watching some videos of these guys who get on there like with MMA fighters, and you know, just I mean, they just talk what we what we would say, they talk trash to them, and then they actually see them face to face and immediately becomes like, oh man, you know I was joking, I you know, I I could never really fight you and all that.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like that's not what you were saying in the comments.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And and that that that uh invisibility uh is is what makes uh people I guess a little more uh apt to communicate the way they do.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then that bleeds over into their everyday life.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think there's a a lot of people who'd be ashamed or maybe not, I don't know, of what they say through social media, text message.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh if if everything was not, I think a lot of people would be very ashamed in what they say and what they do.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um James 3 and 5 says, even so the tongue is a little member and boasteth great things.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Today I James might have to uh add that on his uh keyboard swipes with some folks.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Uh because one sentence, one post, one screenshot, one comment can cause a fire, which is you know, kind of that's the the verse uh that I first went to when I after I read the article uh of what Trump said about Los Angeles, San Diego.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I went to first of like, you know, does he not understand like just something that small saying those words can cause so much panic?
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because I mean there are there are again lay the political stuff aside.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think we have become overly politicized in America.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Overly.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think everything almost today that somebody does, everybody wants to point a finger to some sort of political agenda.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: So this this and that's why I have to keep saying over and over in in this episode, I'm not I have there is nothing political about this.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't I could care less about politics in in this in this format.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: What I what I do care about is that there are some innocent people, you know, women, children, you know, men, boys, even girls.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: There's some innocent people who are living in those areas of Los Angeles and San Diego who I'm sure, you know, hate the situation that they're in there.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Hate, you know, they hate the the the population, you know, the homeless population that's just ruining the streets and all those things.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure they hate it, but they're kind of stuck in an area where they can't really get out of it.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then you hear something like this, there's a possibility you could die any moment.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, there there could be, you know, you know, 100-pound bombs falling on your head right now.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: And you hear that, and all it does is it stirs a fire and panic inside these people.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I just don't think there's a there's any a good time for for a cruel tongue to kindle a fire like that, whether it's through social media, whether it's you know, because somebody is attacking you.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't I don't think there is, and again, I'm not trying to put myself on a pedestal because I've missed the mark, and I have to be very cautious about the things that I've said.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And and I think the problem is that that people confuse their strength, or they they confuse their aggressive speech with their strength.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that happens in so many places.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: People again, they they become like these keyboard warriors, they can hide behind a screen or or uh a webcam or a username.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Uh everybody does it.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Politics does it, people on TV do it, social media, even Christians do it.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um and also um we think that we can say things, maybe not because of our strength, but because of our perceived invincibility.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I've never heard a time of of me, just uh you know, there may you you may maybe you lived in a different environment, but I never lived in an environment where there was foul language used, dirty jokes being told, or anything like that.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: I've you know, I've always worked in a place you know where kids were around so there wasn't a lot of that, you know, job site, you know, kind of speak.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I've heard it on job sites uh a lot, but you know, in in my professional everyday life, you know, I've always been around an area where it was kind of, you know, your speech was was uh I won't say protected as far as constitutional, but it was protected as far as you know, keep everything clean.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: But today it seems like that we have more preachers doing what I call pulpit cussing.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: They they say things that they shouldn't say, but they say it, you know, in a way because while I'm preaching it out of the pulpit, I can say these things.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: And you have so many, you know, so-called Christian people telling dirty jokes.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: They say it in hushed tones with uh you know foul language, but they say it quietly like it makes it okay.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Uh people are using are confusing their their strength or their invincibility because uh they feel like you know nothing's gonna happen to them.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: So they confuse that with strength.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that's that's that's not the case.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Very simple.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: Going back to Proverbs again, 15.1, a soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: People are using words and they don't understand what it's doing to the other people.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like when we, you know use the foul language and we tell the dirty jokes, what is the other person on the other end thinking?
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like what what good's coming out of that?
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do we all of a sudden think like, you know, man, this is gonna make me cool?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then on top of that, if you're talking to a person who may be borderline on following the Lord or going to church or whatever, and then they hear somebody who, you know, has you know Christian music playing and has the Bible laying on their desk at work or is constantly inviting people to church and they hear you, that then what are you doing there?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: What it how are you affecting them in that way?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: And trying to control those things, that's where the real strength comes, not in what you say, but how you control your mouth.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we live in a in a in a nasty, dirty world, and we're as as long as we subject ourselves to it, it's almost impossible in today's world unless you cut off the TV, cut off the social media, and you just, you know, you don't do any of it.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: I don't do a whole lot of it.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have a I don't have social media accounts.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we have uh we have a couple TVs hanging on the wall in our house, but we don't watch it, or I don't watch any of them, I don't have time.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: But the real strength comes in in holding that tongue.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 16 speaks to that.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: He says, He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he that ruleth his spirit uh than he that taketh the city.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, listen to what that's saying.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: God's definition of strength is somebody who can control their anger, and somebody who controls what they do, how what they say, how they react.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: You are stronger than a true warrior wielding a sword or a gun.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's a lot.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's saying a lot out of the Bible.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: So the Bible has a lot to say in these things.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: Uh uh you go back to the Roosevelt quote, speak softly and carry a big stick, and you'll go far.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's so many people today that have lost that.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: They they speak loudly and they they ain't got no strength behind it.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've got so much more that I'd like to say in this.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm already getting up on 20 minutes in this episode, and I really I really try not to go overboard with these topics because I could really talk for a while on these.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: These are some of the topics that I've uh got that I want to cover in the coming days and weeks are topics that um it's not just focused on the Bible, but it's everyday topics that are happening out there.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's kind of the series I'm in right now, is uh everyday things and and how do we look at it, how should we look at it from a biblical point of view.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: So these are really fun topics to talk about, and I would really love to have uh you know banter back and forth, you know, somebody talking on the other side, but it's just me and the microphone and now you listening.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thankful that you are listening.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: I have so much more I'd like to say um in this topic, but I guess I would just say, you know, we need to be more careful about what we say, what we type, what we put out there to the world, because what we what we say does it it does matter, and people do hear it, and it does affect people, especially if you're in your type of leadership.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't mean in in your workplace or in your church, I'm talking about in your home.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: Are you a leader in your home?
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: In your friend group?
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: Are you a leader in your friend group?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um are you the man of the house?
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh are you the mom that's watching over children?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: What we say matters, uh, and we can't always cover it up or mask it with just joking.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think God would be more pleased with our with our conduct and our speech if we would try to if we would try to control this uh hateful speech, arrogant speech that we have uh grown accustomed to, if we would do as the proverbs said, and try to control that and live a more godly life.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining us today on seeking approval.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, our faith oftentimes grows in quiet places.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: I hope today's conversation gave you something worth carrying throughout the rest of this day.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: And join me, Dr.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Chris Spencer, again next time as we continue thinking, learning, and walking together until this praise and peace to you from seeking approval and healing the Methodist Church.