Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / 5 Things To Expect When You Leave A Narcissist

Transcript

5 Things To Expect When You Leave A Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So what can you expect to happen when you finally decide to leave
• 0:04
  a narcissist? When you finally decide to walk
• 0:07
  away from that toxicity? When you finally decide that you
• 0:10
  had enough and you're it's time to go.
• 0:12
  It's time to take your flap, your little empathetic wings and
• 0:17
  leave and fly away from the toxicity.
• 0:19
  What happened? What can you expect?
• 0:21
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all.
• 0:23
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:24
  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist, here to help you
• 0:27
  understand the mind of a narcissist.
• 0:29
  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:49
  Welcome back, folks, welcome back, welcome back.
• 0:51
  So yeah, y'all what to expect when you finally decide to leave
• 0:56
  toxicity, when you finally decide to try to escape, when
• 0:59
  you finally decide that enough is absolutely enough, what
• 1:03
  happens? What can you expect?
• 1:05
  So it can go a few different ways, y'all.
• 1:07
  And I notice, I notice, y'all see me, you know, filming in the
• 1:10
  backseat right now. Tomorrow, Saturday is the 5th
• 1:14
  will be, I'm in St. Louis, MO for my next in person
• 1:17
  workshop. There's still some seats
• 1:18
  available. Mental illness.net/events for
• 1:21
  the Saint Louis workshop. But yes, y'all, this can get
• 1:26
  kind of choppy. The waters can get choppy.
• 1:28
  We're dealing with toxicity, we're dealing with narcissistic
• 1:31
  abuse, we're dealing with an emotionally abusive person.
• 1:33
  What kid? What will happen when you leave
• 1:35
  though? So a few different things can
• 1:37
  happen, right? The narcissistic person in your
• 1:39
  life can absolutely just decide to leave you alone.
• 1:44
  Now, does this happen a lot? No, right?
• 1:49
  Most narcissistic people are not just going to let you go free,
• 1:53
  let let let you go Willy nilly, right?
• 1:54
  That just doesn't happen too much.
• 1:56
  But some of them absolutely will.
• 1:58
  Y'all, some narcissist, they're done with you because some of
• 2:02
  them, y'all, let's be real, when you decide to leave, some of
• 2:05
  them are pushing you away. So when you when you decide to
• 2:08
  finally leave, they are fine with it.
• 2:10
  This is part of the grand scheme of things.
• 2:12
  This is part of their plan. In the 1st place they are fine
• 2:15
  with you leaving because they wanted you to leave.
• 2:18
  The reverse discord does happen. So they wanted you to leave the
• 2:22
  whole time. They just didn't.
• 2:24
  They just didn't want to be the the bad guy.
• 2:27
  They didn't want to seem like the bad guy in this situation.
• 2:30
  So they pushed you away and then you left.
• 2:33
  So now they can feel better. They now they feel better.
• 2:35
  Like what? I'm not the one who left.
• 2:37
  So hey, I'm not the bad guy here.
• 2:40
  You decided to be you. You're the one who decided to
• 2:43
  leave. You're the bad guy here.
• 2:45
  So they will, they will try to do things like that to you.
• 2:48
  They absolutely will. A lot of them will absolutely
• 2:51
  try to make it seem like you are the bad guy in this situation,
• 2:54
  like you are somehow the villain, you know, because you
• 2:58
  left and they will leave you alone.
• 3:00
  They will move on quickly. And I feel like just because I
• 3:04
  say they will leave you alone and they'll move on quickly,
• 3:06
  don't let that entice you to go back, y'all.
• 3:09
  Because I know there's some people out there, when you hear
• 3:11
  me say that, you're like, well, Lee, I don't, I don't want to
• 3:14
  be, I don't want them to be with somebody else, y'all?
• 3:17
  That's part of healing right there.
• 3:18
  That's part of getting away. Their chances are they're going
• 3:22
  to be with somebody else, right? You're going to end up with
• 3:25
  somebody else sooner or later, right?
• 3:27
  So just like chances are they're going to end up with somebody
• 3:30
  else too. So you have to be OK with that.
• 3:33
  You know, we're not like if you leave them, you have to be done.
• 3:36
  You're not leaving them to teach them a lesson.
• 3:39
  Don't do that, y'all, because that never works.
• 3:42
  They never learned a lesson that you're trying to teach them,
• 3:46
  right? So don't leave them because you
• 3:47
  want to teach them a lesson. Leave them because you learned
• 3:50
  yours. I saw that quote somewhere.
• 3:53
  That's like, we don't leave toxic relationships to teach, to
• 3:56
  teach the toxic person a lesson. We leave because we finally
• 4:00
  learned our own lesson. We we we learned our lesson.
• 4:03
  So we left. That happened.
• 4:05
  Yeah. That's so damn true.
• 4:06
  Don't leave this person to try to get them to change their
• 4:09
  behaviors. I'm going to leave and hopefully
• 4:11
  they'll come back. No.
• 4:13
  So what you can expect when you leave is for them to be some of
• 4:16
  them to be done with you. Don't expect them to change.
• 4:20
  Don't expect them to change all the time.
• 4:22
  That's what so many people do. Well, maybe if I maybe if I
• 4:25
  threaten to leave, if I leave them, they don't finally be the
• 4:28
  wake up call that they need. They'll hit their rock bottom
• 4:31
  and they'll finally be done. No, that y'all, that just
• 4:34
  doesn't work for everybody in these situations, right?
• 4:36
  That doesn't happen. Like they don't like you leaving
• 4:40
  might not be their rock bottom moment.
• 4:42
  So expect this right here. This is what you need to expect.
• 4:46
  You leaving might not be their rock bottom moment, but that
• 4:50
  does not mean you're not worth anything.
• 4:53
  Maybe I'll just they didn't love me enough, Lee.
• 4:55
  Maybe I'm not worth anything to them.
• 4:57
  Why don't get that shit in your mind y'all?
• 5:00
  Don't start letting your mind wander to those spaces right
• 5:03
  there where you feel inadequate because somebody else chose not
• 5:06
  to change their behaviors. That has nothing to do with you.
• 5:09
  That's on them. So what can you expect when they
• 5:12
  leave? You can expect to go through
• 5:14
  your own cycle of your do, your own feelings.
• 5:16
  Because again, the narcissist might just absolutely,
• 5:19
  absolutely leave you alone. But there are the narcissists
• 5:25
  out there that will not leave you alone, right There are the
• 5:29
  narcissistic toxic people that we if you leave them, you can
• 5:33
  expect them to who try to Hoover the hell out of you and
• 5:36
  hoovering, even if they Hoover you or try to come back into
• 5:39
  your life, it is also not a sign of your worth or value.
• 5:43
  Just because they Hoover you or try to get you back, does that
• 5:46
  mean that they value any value you any more than the person who
• 5:50
  doesn't try to Hoover you? They look at you like most
• 5:53
  narcissists have a transactional mindset.
• 5:56
  What can you provide me? What can I get from you?
• 5:59
  They're thinking like that. They're not thinking like, well,
• 6:02
  I love this person so much, I'm going to try to get them back.
• 6:05
  No, they're thinking this person is going to give whatever I got
• 6:09
  from them to someone else. So I need to stop that.
• 6:13
  I need to put an end to that. Whatever that looks like, I need
• 6:15
  to put an end to that right now. So some of them will just try to
• 6:18
  come back into your life to be disruptive, to be aggressive, to
• 6:22
  just to be an agent of chaos within your life.
• 6:26
  And yes, a lot of narcissists enjoy being agents of chaos.
• 6:31
  They love the chaotic nature of the way that they live.
• 6:33
  They love it, they get a high from it, they enjoy it.
• 6:37
  So that's one thing that you can absolutely expect as well is for
• 6:40
  narcissistic people to behave like that.
• 6:42
  They can, they can get a high and enjoy the chaotic nature of
• 6:45
  the relationship and do some damage to you.
• 6:48
  So some of them you can expect them to reach out and just lose
• 6:52
  their minds. Another thing you can expect
• 6:54
  when you leave a narcissist is for some of them to absolutely
• 6:57
  try. If you have kids, if you have
• 6:59
  businesses, if you have whatever, they'll stall the
• 7:02
  breakup or the divorce. They refuse to like y'all
• 7:06
  leverage. Most narcissist want some type
• 7:10
  of leverage in the relationship to be able to feel safe within
• 7:14
  the relationship. And what does leverage mean?
• 7:16
  Leverage means kids, leverage means businesses, leverage means
• 7:19
  leases and car payments and things like that.
• 7:22
  Something where it makes you harder to leave.
• 7:25
  So in these situations right here, you can expect narcissists
• 7:29
  to to to exercise whatever leverage they have.
• 7:34
  They really can. They can, they will exercise
• 7:36
  whatever form of leverage that they have.
• 7:38
  They will absolutely try to exercise it in this situation
• 7:42
  because it benefits them. They're going to try.
• 7:44
  The narcissist are going to try to do things that benefit them.
• 7:49
  That should not come as a shock or surprise to anyone, right?
• 7:53
  They're going to try to do anything that they feel like can
• 7:56
  benefit them directly because it benefit because it benefits them
• 8:01
  directly. You see, they're going to do
• 8:03
  what they feel like they need to do in order to benefit
• 8:06
  themselves directly, so they will try to just stall the
• 8:09
  process and use whatever leverage they have to keep you
• 8:13
  right where you are. Another thing that you can
• 8:16
  expect is for them to try to exhaust you.
• 8:18
  What's that? Four things. 1234, That's 4.
• 8:20
  I might have lost count, y'all. What'd I say?
• 8:22
  Leave you alone. Some of them try to Hoover you.
• 8:26
  Some of them leverage. That's three.
• 8:29
  So that's 4. Four.
• 8:30
  Yeah. Another thing you can expect is
• 8:33
  for them to literally y'all, and it's going to sound crazy, you
• 8:37
  can expect for narcissist to literally like some of them will
• 8:41
  lose their minds, Some of them will absolutely, absolutely lose
• 8:45
  their minds and try to attack you and try to harm you and try
• 8:48
  to end your existence right. Some of them will go crazy
• 8:53
  again. This is why I tell sometimes,
• 8:56
  sometimes the most dangerous part and the scariest part about
• 8:59
  a toxic relationship is actually leaving the toxic relationship
• 9:03
  because the your abusive person might try to end your existence.
• 9:08
  So in this state, in this situation right here, this is
• 9:11
  what happens. You're going to have to prepare
• 9:12
  for them to some of them to get dangerous and to exhaust all
• 9:16
  options, right? That's what they will do.
• 9:18
  They will get dangerous and try to take you on the body.
• 9:20
  They try to set you up in situations like male or female.
• 9:24
  This is like has nothing like that.
• 9:26
  Gender is irrelevant here in this situation because you can
• 9:28
  get the narcissistic woman that will yeah, some of the some of
• 9:32
  them, the narcissistic women will try to frame you for
• 9:34
  something. The narcissistic men will try to
• 9:36
  set you up and frame you. It doesn't matter.
• 9:38
  The gender is irrelevant in this situation.
• 9:40
  The narcissistic, yes, not non binary folks will try to set you
• 9:45
  up right. I just feel like, yeah, the
• 9:47
  gender is irrelevant right here. You know what I mean?
• 9:49
  They will absolutely try to. Some of them will try to set you
• 9:52
  up and ruin your life. So it's just like you have to
• 9:55
  prepare for them to try to ruin your life or try to end your
• 9:57
  existence. Some of them will.
• 9:59
  Y'all was like, some of them will do this when you least
• 10:02
  expect them to. Then this is one of the main
• 10:04
  phrases that I hear. I don't think they'll do that,
• 10:07
  Lee. Alright, look, I hear that too
• 10:09
  much. I hear it way too much.
• 10:11
  I don't think they'll do this. I don't think they'll do that.
• 10:13
  They absolutely will. If you don't think they will,
• 10:15
  they will. I promise you they will.
• 10:17
  If you don't think that, they'll try to end your existence.
• 10:19
  Some of them. Some of them may.
• 10:20
  Maybe. And this is not me trying to
• 10:22
  scare you into staying, Willie. If it's going to get dangerous,
• 10:24
  I might as well stay. No, I didn't say that either.
• 10:27
  Right. I didn't say that either.
• 10:30
  So it just got you. You got to be prepared for them
• 10:32
  to try to end your existence #5 I didn't made a list.
• 10:36
  I didn't even make thought making a list, y'all #5
• 10:38
  Exhaustion. They're going to try.
• 10:40
  They're going to try to wear you down, right?
• 10:42
  They're absolutely going to try to wear you down.
• 10:44
  They will. They'll try to wear you down.
• 10:45
  And this will be the last one. Yeah.
• 10:47
  I don't like to make these videos too long.
• 10:49
  They're going to try to wear you down by showing up at your job,
• 10:53
  showing up at your house, blowing your phone up, using the
• 10:56
  kids as leverage. They're going to you're having
• 10:59
  your friends and family members reach out.
• 11:01
  Them reaching out to you is good.
• 11:02
  They're going to try to exhaust you into giving them another
• 11:05
  chance or allowing them to come back into your life or you
• 11:08
  coming back into theirs. Don't give in once you made the
• 11:11
  decision to leave you, you probably want to stay gone
• 11:14
  because if you don't, they're going to take this as they're
• 11:17
  going to do it next. The next time you try to leave,
• 11:19
  they're going to just do the same thing again.
• 11:20
  They were like, well, it worked last time, so I'm just going to
• 11:23
  do it again and again and again. So protect your peace in these
• 11:26
  situations. Y'all, when you decide what to
• 11:28
  expect when you leave a narcissist, like for how the
• 11:31
  narcissist is going to act, you have to worry about yourself in
• 11:34
  this situation. We're about your feelings, we're
• 11:36
  about your safety, we're about how you're going to move
• 11:39
  forward. And you know, like I say, in
• 11:41
  order in order to fully heal y'all, I did write a course.
• 11:44
  It's called finding your why, How to heal from narcissistic
• 11:48
  toxic relationships, How to heal from narcissistic abuse.
• 11:51
  Everything y'all is available in my website, mentalillness.net,
• 11:56
  my one-on-one coaching, my courses, my support group.
• 12:00
  I have a support group called the Mental Healers.
• 12:01
  All of it is available at mentalillness.net.
• 12:05
  You probably see it scrolling across the bottom of the screen
• 12:07
  here. Y'all make sure you hit the
• 12:08
  subscribe button. Be safe, take care of yourself,
• 12:11
  take care of it, take care of each other and I am out.
• 12:13
  Peace. Before you go, make sure that
• 12:16
  you hit the subscribe button if you haven't already.
• 12:18
  Y'all you already here just hit the button.
• 12:20
  Also you can find my coaching, my courses, my one on ones,
• 12:23
  everything is available at my website, mentalillness.net, kids
• 12:26
  book, self love journal. Also check out joining the
• 12:29
  channel memberships as well. Y'all thank you so much for
• 12:31
  being here. I'm super grateful I'm out.
• 12:33
  Peace.