Latest / Dear Chelsea / Minisode: Offed in Bermuda with Rosebud Baker and Andy Haynes

Transcript

Minisode: Offed in Bermuda with Rosebud Baker and Andy Haynes · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to a couple's Counseling with Chelsea.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: I am here with my friends Rosebud Baker and her
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: husband Andy Haynes.
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: Hi.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Rosebud and Andy, thank you for being here today as
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: a couple. So as you have gotten to spend all
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: these years together. How many years have you been together?
• 0:14
  Speaker 4: Now?
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Five?
• 0:15
  Speaker 5: It'll be five.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's not even not really long of a time.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: But within the five years, do you think that your
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: performance within the relationship has improved? Learning to get to
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: know somebody, meeting someone else's needs, Like, how do you
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: think that you have changed from the beginning of the
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: relationship to now.
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: I think in the beginning of our relationship, I genuinely
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: had no idea how to be a partner to someone.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: You're nodding, Andy.
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: She was never like a not compassion now, but when
• 0:47
  Speaker 4: I first started dating rosebudg she was like a fairal child.
• 0:51
  Speaker 5: She was.
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: You would go into her cupboards and there would be
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: like a half eaten open box of saltines and an
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: empty Tabasco sauce and that was her entire pantry. Like
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: she was at home, I was on the road, and
• 1:04
  Speaker 4: you know, she just was.
• 1:05
  Speaker 5: She had like one towel. You know. It was like
• 1:07
  Speaker 5: very it was just a very different person.
• 1:10
  Speaker 6: Yeah, but I was always I always decorated. Well, let's
• 1:13
  Speaker 6: just say that.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: And do you think you had a big hand and
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: not changing her personality, but where her relationship her ability
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: to be within a relationship is. Now, do you feel
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: like you had a big hand in that.
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: I think I probably changed what she thought she needed
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: out of a relationship maybe, or like maybe I changed
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: like the type of partner she thought she needed. Is
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: because I don't think I'm her type. If you go
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: back to twenty nineteen and you're like pick a guy
• 1:43
  Speaker 4: out of a lineup, I don't think I'm I think
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: I'm like in the waiting room, you know, and I'm
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: number seven, you know. But I think that really changed
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: a lot because Rosebud's can I can I say this?
• 1:56
  Speaker 4: Rosebud's dad is very stoic, and you know how we're
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: like usually attracted people that are kind of like the
• 2:01
  Speaker 4: opposite sex parent. So I think that I was kind
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: of the anti that to some extent because her dad
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: is like immovable.
• 2:08
  Speaker 6: I went to it's like hugging a ghost.
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: I went on a trip with him to the Bahamas,
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: and I was like, partially like does Rosebud want a
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: divorce and they're just going to an accident's going to happen, Like.
• 2:19
  Speaker 5: That's the full time.
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: I was like, just divorce me, like I won't fight you,
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: Like you don't have to have me killed in the Bahamas.
• 2:26
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: If anything, you've learned how to be less trusting in
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: a good way.
• 2:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah, just by being a part of my family.
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: Yes, I want to be now that I've gotten a
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: little taste of it. And also it's trusting or more
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: trusting less I want to be. So I want to be.
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: I want to be like one of the characters from
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: HBO's industry. I want to be just a cold blooded capitalist.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: I would love it.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: What impact do you think you've had on Andy since
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: you've been married and now that you have a kid that.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: I think Andy's learned how to kind of go okay,
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: My feelings aren't necessarily the facts I get. I can
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: get through this day by just like planning ahead and
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: getting what I need to get done done, and I
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: can deal with my emotions later. And I think I
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: don't even know if that's healthy, but it seems like
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: it's balanced him out.
• 3:16
  Speaker 6: A little bit.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I mean it sounds healthy.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I mean if you have an emotional reaction to everything,
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: that's not conducive to being like and even imbalanced, because
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: there's a time and a place for those kinds of emotions,
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: just like there's a time and a place for certain conversations, right, Yeah,
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: So like, yeah, you want to be able to mitigate
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: your emotional response in certain situations. Yeah, and then in
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: other situations, it's totally acceptable to be like, you know,
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: if you think something's wrong with you internally and you
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: feel your organs are suffering, you know what your organs
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: feel like when they're moved around, You.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Know that is like you can have a reaction to that.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: But I hear a.
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: Big change for us, Like when you had it was
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: like earlier this summer when he was going through all
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: of that. I that was like a big way up
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: call for me where I was like, oh, I got
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: to be a better partner about Like. Also, I don't
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: like sick people. It's not it's not I don't like
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: I get upset around sickness and I get up.
• 4:15
  Speaker 6: I feel, yes, it feels to me.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I I don't really afford myself it seems
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: like a luxury. And of course there's I'm not talking
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: about people who are like, you know, deathly ill, or
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: people who are like what's the word when they're it
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: never stops, yes, whatever, But I'm talking about just like
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: the flu or like with a.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: Guy a few weeks ago that I'm sleeping with who limped. Yeah,
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: I went to dinner and he had and I was like,
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: what's wrong with your leg? Why are you why limping? Yeah,
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: it's like on my knee. I'm like, no, no, no,
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: There's something like animal in us where we want them
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: to be put down.
• 4:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah, got to leave.
• 4:54
  Speaker 6: The pack, right.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: I've always felt that about certain men, certain men where
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: I was like, you're because I'm like, I'm kind of
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: a pussy.
• 5:04
  Speaker 5: I'm a huge pussy in a.
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: Lot of ways we've gotten but I also could survive
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: like for a month in the woods without any help,
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: you know.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Like it's a weird obviously very bright.
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but also I'm like I was raised in this
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: like wilderness and kind of outdoorsy and all that stuff
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: like that, And so I think I still have this
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: thing where like if I meet a guy and I'm like,
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: you're pathetic, you know, like I have this weird animal
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: thing where I'm like, we got to kill him, we
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: gotta He's going to slow us down and we're gonna
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: miss the winter.
• 5:32
  Speaker 5: We're not gonna be able to get over that pass.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: And that's what happened to me when you had your ulcer.
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: I know, so you understand. Yeah, but I did realize
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: I need to be a better partner.
• 5:40
  Speaker 5: But I'll say it good.
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I do think that the biggest thing that I
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: learned in the relationship recently is that I have to
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: keep certain things for certain people.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: Like I.
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: I do think like you can't go full don Draper
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: and have like another family, but you can go like
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: I'm going through all this stuff and I'm not going
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: to bring it to my wife or my kid or
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: like the dinner table.
• 6:04
  Speaker 6: Well, the first thing is we don't eat at the
• 6:06
  Speaker 6: dinner table.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: But also so I'm so sick of the dinner table,
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Like who wants to sit down and have a full
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: dinner every night.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: I want to eat on the sofa. I want to
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: eat on the floor. I don't want the formality, Like
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: I don't like that. I don't want to style to me.
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it does We went to her grandpa's house in
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: March and had like a big sit down dinner and
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: all the people came and brought the food.
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: And I was like, this is you know, this is
• 6:34
  Speaker 5: how it should be. Yeah, like a Sunday Road you
• 6:37
  Speaker 5: want to be?
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: You want to be a Kennedy is basically what?
• 6:39
  Speaker 5: Oh man?
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: And do you see how dysfunctional that family is?
• 6:42
  Speaker 5: Bring me on? I love it. I'm already.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: You mentioned early before that Rosebud is the bread winner.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: So how as a modern man does that impact your
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: your feelings out the relationship? Is that something that you've
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: ever had to struggle with? Does that bother you? Did
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: it bother you?
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: I definitely had to get used to it because there's
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: kind of you might know this because you've been in
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: relationships where you can be in a relationship where you're
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: both kind of doing something and then all of a sudden,
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: one person's doing this. And there was this feeling when
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: she started to get a bunch of stuff where it
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: was like should.
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: We like be together?
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: Like you're not going to bring me on red carpets?
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: Like a feeling like that, like should we even be
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: together because you're doing so well? And it was like
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: all insecurity, and then I think I've gotten used to it,
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: you know, like I I think that it ebbs and flows,
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: and I think there'll be times where I'm probably doing
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: a lot and she wants to not do as much.
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: But she also, I mean, she's so much better at
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: making eye contact and being personable, So maybe.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: Not, you know, but I haven't noticed your eye contact
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: issue yet.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're I'm working on actively.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: I during what we're discussing, like your burgeoning success, like
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: having it happen in the beginning, How did that make
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: you feel to see him feel that way?
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: I expected it a little bit, And just to be clear,
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: like I don't I haven't achieved like anything that I
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: actually want to achieve yet, Like I mean, I've achieved
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: more than I thought I would at the beginning, but
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: this I don't even have a Netflix special out yet,
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean. So it was kind of
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: like it was good that we went through this early
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: because I was like, it's good to just get these
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: feelings up and out. I'm like, if you don't get
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: them up and out and you don't like examine them
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: and you don't look at them and go like, oh,
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: this is probably bullshit. I probably don't need to feel
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: this way, but this is how I'm feeling.
• 8:50
  Speaker 6: Then that's good.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: But there was a part of me that got really
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: upset and got really defensive. You know, there was a
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: defensiveness about just feminism on a feminism level, you know,
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: like this would never be a conversation if you were
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: doing better than me.
• 9:06
  Speaker 6: Yeah, never be it.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: But then I thought about it, and I was like,
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: there have been comics that I've dated that we're doing
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: better than me, and I did have those same feelings.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: So I was like, this is more about like us
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: both being comedians than it is about men and women.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: And I think at the end of the day, that's
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: just something that we have to We just got to
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: support each other through it and like be there for
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: each other through it.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I think airing out that kind of stuff is
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: so important because the longer you ignore a problem, you know,
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: the bigger it gets. Kinds if you're being dishonest about
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: that and you're not being honest about your insecurities and
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: labeling them, Like we're all insecure and it's impossible not
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: to be envious of someone achieving something that you haven't
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: yet achieved.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So denying that is.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: More problematic than actually exposing those feelings.
• 9:54
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and I won't deny that.
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: It like a lot of it came from like being
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: a man, you know, Like I was like, I want
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: her to design the living room, and I just want
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: to write a blank check because I make that kind
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: of money and I provide for my family.
• 10:06
  Speaker 5: And there was a lot of that that I wanted.
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: And also there was like a competitiveness in comedy, right,
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: Like we're both comics, and I'm so progressive.
• 10:16
  Speaker 5: I get jealous of women.
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: Comics too, But you know, it was like, wow, she's
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: like doing a lot of the stuff that I want
• 10:24
  Speaker 4: to do. And so that was like it was all insecurity,
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: and I think we it was like bumpy, but we
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: like navigated it pretty well to like a place where
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: it's like pretty comfortable. And I really did a lot
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: of like even though I'm jealous, even though I'm insecure
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: type of stuff, I'm like gonna make sure she knows
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: I'm really proud of her, you know, because I think
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: that was always really important that even if I had
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: those feelings that I wanted her to know that I
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: was like so stoked that she had got cast on something,
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: or that she got a job writing for something, or
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: now that she's like doing this special Like it was
• 10:57
  Speaker 4: always important for me for her to know that, even
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: if I felt some type of way.
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Well, it's interesting though, because you're saying it comes down
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: to you guys being comedians, and you're saying a.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: Little bit of both, because I'm wondering if she were.
• 11:08
  Speaker 6: Saying a little bit of both too.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because like if you were in the financial
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: world and crushing it financially, would that have had the
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: same impact on you?
• 11:16
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: So it is more I.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: Think about being comedians and being in the same business
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: because that's just naturally competitive.
• 11:22
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it is, And I think but he did.
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: He was like, I remember when my first day at SNL,
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: I came home and Andy had this big sign up
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: that's in congratulations, you know, and he was like waiting
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: for me and was excited when I got home, and
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: I was like, and I knew how he felt, you know.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: So the fact that he was able to do that
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: and kind of like rise above it meant so much
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: to me because I I'm like, you didn't even have
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: to do that, you know.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's all for this week with Rosebud and Andy
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: tune in next time as we continue couples counseling with Chelsea.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: You can check out Rosebud and Andy's podcast, It's called
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: Find Your Beach. Andy will be on tour in Dallas,
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Oklahoma City, and Tulsa in September, Amsterdam on October twenty fifth,
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: and then he has two dates in Milwaukee in December,
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: so check out his Instagram and TikTok at I'm Andy
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: Haynes hy Nes for tickets to those dates and for more,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: and you can find both Andy and Rosebud on YouTube.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: Rosebud will be taping her.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: New special on September sixteenth in New York at the
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Village Underground and you can get tickets to this and
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: more of her dates at rosebud Baker dot com and
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: you can find her on Instagram and TikTok at rosebud Baker.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: Upcoming shows that I have. I'm coming to Texas, I'm
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: coming to Saint Louis in Kansas City, and then I
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: at the King's Theater on November eighth, and I have
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: tickets on sale throughout the end of the year in December,
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: so if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Beth
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelseahandler
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: dot com for tickets.
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: Okay,