Latest / Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home / Bob Tiede - Unlocking the Intersection of Leadership, Parenting and Curiosity

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Bob Tiede - Unlocking the Intersection of Leadership, Parenting and Curiosity · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Riley.
• 0:04
  Speaker 3: And I'm Ryder and this is my Dad's Show.
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: Hey everybody, it's KCJ Cox with the quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: I'm excited to announce we have a brand new sponsor joining the show, which is called LatitudeSitkacom, a Latitude 57.
• 0:20
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• 0:28
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• 0:38
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• 0:40
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• 0:40
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• 1:01
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• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Stay on land and go ITVing, hiking, hot springs, yoga, take a massage in.
• 1:09
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• 1:18
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• 1:24
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• 1:25
  Speaker 3: The majestic views will blow you away and, as I mentioned, I cannot wait to get there in June.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: So with that, let's welcome LatitudeSitka to the podcast and get right to today's episode.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: Well, hey, everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dadcast.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: We are in season four, the tail end of season four, and today's next guest comes to us by the talented Debbie Wolfe, who I worked with for called I don't know five or six years at our time at K-Force, and I reconnected with her and she.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: I reconnected her for not only multiple reasons, but what intrigued me about something she posted about was our next guest, whose name is Bob TD, who I knew immediately.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: I was going to like this gentleman because he is all about curiosity and he has a blog that talks about leading with questions.
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: He's got multiple books he's written.
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: One of the favorite titles I love is which is now that's a great question which is our two words that I always coach my clients on in business, about listing for those two words, which tells me it's been a successful meeting.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: He also has another book out called Leading with Questions how Leaders Discover Powerful Answers by Knowing how and what to Ask Him and Michael Marquardt published that book.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: But with all that said, we're here to talk to Bob, the dad and grandpa, and we're going to get wisdom from Bob today, and we're going to learn about how Bob has worked hard to become that ultimate quarterback or leader of his household, and now how he's working hard to become that ultimate quarterback or leader of his grandfather household.
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: So, without further ado, mr TD, welcome to the quarterback dadcast.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: Casey, my pleasure to be here.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: You know, I know you obviously were a quarterback, and what quarterback doesn't like TD's, that's me let's go, my last name Touchdown.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: And before we talk about gratitude, you spent time at the Harvard of the West Coast.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: Three years at Central Washington University, as you said, the Harvard of the West Coast.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: In fact, when I've been to Harvard, they refer to themselves as the Central Washington University of the East.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: So good.
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: Oh, I love it.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: Okay, so we always start each episode gratitude.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: So tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad or grandfather today?
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Wow, well, I've been blessed my favorite title titles.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: I have two of them Our dad and grandpa and the dad of four adult children, all married, all good marriages, thankful for that.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: And then eight incredible grandkids that range in age from two to 24.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: And just just approved.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: So the fact that they're all in good health at this point and thriving and doing well, and all of them have a spark in their eye and are excited about life.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: All is good in that TD household at this point, or the TD extended family.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: Familyful of touchdowns.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: Well, what I'm grateful for today.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: So we are recording on October 10th at Tuesday, and today is my son's last high school senior year regular season golf match that I'll ever get to watch, and so I'm grateful.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: Even though it's raining today in Seattle weird right I'm going to go out and brave the elements and just enjoy watching them.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: He's got a tournament in early next week.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: It'll be the district tournament and then they take a few months off and then they have the state tournament in the spring.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: But I'm just this time is flying by way too fast, and so I'm just grateful to I got to go out and watch and just love them, support them.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: Well, enjoy that liquid sunshine yeah exactly.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: So you briefly talked about dad, grandpa.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: You got four kids.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: Tell me a little bit about, if you can that's a lot of grandkids, but like to tell me a little bit about maybe your, your immediate family what everybody's up to and who's inside the TD huddle Wow.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Well, my son is the oldest.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: He actually lives from where I'm sitting right now, only about a half mile away.
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: Nice.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: And he has a small business, custom software Just really love them.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: And then we've got three daughters, and my oldest daughter is in Tallinn, estonia, and a whole long story.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: She's married to a Russian, he's an American citizen now and they had a publishing for an author named Josh McDowell throughout Europe.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: And then my middle daughter, becca, is actually my executive assistant, and what a joy to work with her.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: She makes her dad look better than I deserve on a consistent basis.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: And then our youngest is Sarah, and she's now a mother of two fabulous little boys that are age three and two and happily married and lives again in the area.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: The three of the four kids live in our area.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: So as we say we may, we may be empty nesters, but the nest ain't empty very often.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: Love it and tell me how you and your wife met.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: Well, I always say it was a half blind date.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: We were students at the Harvard of the Midwest, the University of South Dakota, and oh, in my sophomore year, early in that year, I saw my fraternity brother having a coke with his girlfriend and another girl.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: And so later I said who was that other girl?
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: And he said he named her.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: And I said was she dating anyone?
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: He said, well, I don't know, but I can ask my girlfriend.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: And so he did, and nope, and so he set it up.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: And Sherry always says that it wasn't blind for him, but it was blind for her.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: He was actually double blind because, you know, they had the annual from the year before.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Only the annual staff had mislabeled.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Everybody was one name off, so by my name.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: She looked at another guy and said, huh, okay.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: But then when I showed up it's like, well, this isn't the guy in the picture.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: But that's how we met, casey, you love this.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: First two dates were football games.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: There we go, well, who won or lost?
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: But but, casey, it turned out that my wife was was actually being deceitful, meaning I marry her thinking she loves football.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: From the time we got married on she's never wanted to go to a game, but she has many other great qualities.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Fantastic.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: And do I have?
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: My notes are correct 53 years.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: Yes, well, it will be.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: This December, december 21, will be 53 years.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Wow, a good start.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: I always say I'm still on probation.
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel that one I think one of the best pieces of business advice I've gotten in my life.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: I've actually I always like that 20, maybe I'm just got a screw loose, but I some of the business advice I ended up using in personal life and my one of my first mentors in business he said, casey, asked me do you want to be right or do you want to get what you want?
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: And quick I said, why won't both?
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: He goes well, you can't, you got to pick one.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: I was like, okay, then I want to get what I want.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: He's like good answer.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: I mean, your ego's not in the way.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, good.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: And I'm like maybe I should use out on my wife, like because so often us guys the ego gets in the way and we want to be right and convince and try to.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: In the end that does not solve anything, it just creates more conflict.
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: And so I've learned that you know, being right sometimes in marriage is not good.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: But getting what I want, which is a happy wife, happy life I'm not saying we roll over all the time, but pick and choose when I'm going to, you know.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, that's.
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: That's great advice.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: And wow, there is so much.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: You know it well wisdom is wisdom wherever we apply it.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: There you go, and so you know wisdom from home applied to business, will work, and it'll work the other way also.
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: Love that.
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: Okay, I always love this question.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: Specifically, with all the wisdom you're going to drop on us today, bob, is I love for you to take, take us back in time and describe what it was like for you growing up and then talk about the impact your parents had on you now that you're a father and grandfather.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Well, Casey, I grew up so incredibly blessed.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: Casey, I'll ask you a question Did you pick your parents?
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: Did you pick when and where you'd be born?
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: That is a negative.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: I did not do that.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: Neither did I.
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: Neither did I, and you know, blessed with incredible parents and I'll explain in a moment or share that in a moment.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: But but you know, through no credit of my own, I sometimes say you know when, when, when little Robert was about to be born, the good Lord might have said, hey, this one has no chance of making it unless we put him in a really good home.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: After World War II, my father made the Normandy invasion.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: People say well, well, did he survive?
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: And I say well, that took place in 46 and I was born in 49.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: So what do you think?
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: And yes, obviously he survived.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: But after World War II, my dad and two of his brothers got married within six weeks of one another.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: They had survived the war, they married their you know sweethearts, and my dad was one of five children, four boys and a girl, and they all established family farms within five miles of one another in southeastern South Dakota and they all started having children.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: So my sister and I have only one sibling.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: My sister and I have 10 first cousins all close to our same age.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: We all went to the same school, from 1st to 12th.
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: We all went to the same church, the same church as our grandparents and Casey, we just thought that was normal.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: And one of the things that, as I reflect back in that group of cousins, five of us are boys and from the time we could start walking and, again, all our dads are farmers.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: So we're on farms and from the time we could start walking, we're following our dad around and we owned our own farms.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: But we did a lot of harvest work together, a lot of hay work together.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: And one of the things I just remember is, again, we're boys but our dads, in other words my dad and uncles, are calling us men.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: And and another thing I don't ever remember, casey, there must have been times that we were dumb boys, but I don't ever remember my dad or uncles calling us dumb boys.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: They always called us men.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: And an experience I remember I'm thinking maybe I'm nine and today they're coming to our farm to do the grain harvest.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: My uncle Harold always ran the big combine and it pulls into the farm yard.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: He gets off, he sees me standing there.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: He says Robert, which field should we start in?
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: And I'm looking at our field, said Uncle Harold.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: I think we ought to start in that one.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: He said oh, Robert, that's a good choice.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: I wish I could ask him today Uncle Harold, do you remember that?
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: Did I accidentally pick the right one, or was it like it didn't make any difference?
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: But you made a nine year old feel like he was incredibly wise, love that and and so, in other words, I grew up in a very affirming we work together.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: The only time I remember my dad yelling at me was when we tried to load cattle.
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: My dad, he, had an instinctive feel for cattle in terms of if people move this way, they'll move that way.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: I didn't have any of that.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: And so I was always when we load cattle in the wrong place and the cows stairs went the opposite way, they should have gone.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: But that's my only complaint about my dad was he didn't understand that I wasn't gifted at loading cattle like him, but in every other way.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: Absolutely affirmed.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: Wow, did you get a chance to talk to your dad about his time at war?
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: Yes, you know one of his stories.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: He actually was not on one of the first waves to hit Normandy.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: Those first waves were brutal and when he landed, the beach had been taken, and that's January, I'm sorry, june 6.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: And he fought until June 21st.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: On June 21st in the morning he was wounded.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: And when he was wounded he thought this is probably it.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: When the medic got to him, he said am I going to die?
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: Which I think would be a normal question, and the medic said let me take a look.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: He said no, no, son, you're going to make it.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Well, he got taken back to a surgery area and obviously they had some kind of triage and while he thinks he was shot at about 8.30 in the morning, they first got to him about 4.30 in the afternoon in terms of doing surgery, and at that point his arm had completely turned black.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: And so he's thinking OK, I've survived, I'm going to survive, but I think they're going to have to take my arm.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: And just before the gas mask to put him out was put on, the surgeon said Son, any question?
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: He said are you going to have to take my arm?
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: And the surgeon said let me take a look here.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: He said no, no, no.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: He said you're going to wake up with your arm.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: My dad said that was the greatest news, as they put the ether mask on him to put him to sleep, as knowing he was going to wake up.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: And then the rest of his career.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: My dad first language was German and he could speak fluent German, and so his second assignment was guarding German prisoners, and he said he actually really enjoyed that.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: He said none of the prisoners he guarded were Nazis.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: He said there were boys that had been drafted into the German Army.
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: He said they were just kind of glad to be out of the fight and he said I always had the feeling that they were envious because it was like, how did you get to America and be able to fight for the Americans?
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: And so that was his assignment.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: But, hearing that story of that morning has always been one of the incredible stories of just imagining a young soldier being hit, wonder if he's going to die later, wonder if he's going to lose his arm, and then, as you've been putting to sleep for the surgery, hearing nope, you're going to wake up with your arm.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: That's what's so intriguing.
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: I think my generation.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: I'm almost 50.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: And you think back.
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: For some reason it's hard to even visualize that surgeries happened back then.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: They had the technology because technology changed so much.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: But your dad made it and that surgeon learned from.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: They learned just like the surgeons today learn, and I'm just so grateful I've never had to experience what your dad went through.
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: What a blessing not to have to go through that and go into war.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: I mean, hopefully that's something we'll never have to see in another generation.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: But man, what a just an interesting time.
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: I can't even imagine the impact that had on him as a dad, leaving their comeback like, okay, I made it.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: And then getting married and having a family, and was he a farmer then for the rest of his life?
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: Farming was his major occupation, but later probably about your age, about 50, he became president of GM.
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: I've heard of that.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Not that GM.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: He started a kind of a part time small farm insurance business and he was president of German Mutual Insurance, which was kind of a two county in South Dakota farm fire insurance company.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: But I always have fun saying, because it's true, he was president of GM German Mutual Insurance.
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: Nice little team and he actually loved that.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: My dad was a people person and he always said the two jobs, farming and insurance, work so well together Because, as a farmer, when it rained and no farmer could be in their fields, he knew he could find them in their farm yards.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: And after a couple you know wet days of being out talking to people, he said it was kind of fun to get back on the tractor when everything dried off and have a couple of days just yourself.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: So he was back and forth.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: My dad was definitely a people person.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: And tell me about mom.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: My mom was first of all, well, a school teacher, but of only one room schools.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: That was her whole career and back in the day she only had one year of college and that qualified her to become a school teacher and they met at the county fair and fell in love and you know, and then the war came and she prayed every day for my dad's safe return and, thank God, god answered that prayer and he returned safely and they were married and she thought her teaching school was done, but where they lived, you know, I don't know the story, but the local school board of that one room schoolhouse fired the teacher and came over and said Clara, her name was Clara, clara, we need a teacher, would you teach?
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: And so she taught, I think for a year and a half there before I was born, and again, mom was my teacher.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: You know one of the things growing up, my mom.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Well, it's been one of the, I guess, consternations of my life.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: Casey, I find that I'm easily readable.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: People can look at me and know if I'm happy or sad or frustrated.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: But I don't have that ability to read others.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: And so here I am, easily read, but I don't read in terms of people Like I could be walking, you know, up the farm yard, drive from the bus to the house and walk in and my mom would say, robert, what's wrong?
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: It's like, what do you mean?
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: What's wrong?
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: She was always right, there was something wrong and yet at the same time I couldn't read.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: But she just had a way of always knowing what was going on with Robert and my mom and my dad.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: They were my cheerleaders.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: You know we talk about parenting Wow, one of the things parents can do.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: You know you talk about your going to the golf tournament today the golf me with your son just being there to be the cheerleader, to support him, encourage him.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: You know my parents were always in my corner, whatever I was doing.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: They were cheering for me.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: You know they thought Robert could do anything.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: And the fact is, every parent ought to have that kind of view and encouragement to their kid, because the fact is, all of us can do so much more than we even imagine we can do, but especially when somebody's cheering for us and saying you can do it, you're gonna, you can do it, love it it is.
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: I mean, I think confidence is.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: Confidence is something that is, you know what a gift that we can give our kids and I think it they got to be real at times.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: It's like even my kids, you know, say you know, three feet four, it's not gonna be a center in the NBA.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: You know you can't really lie to them.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: But like inspiring them with you know, not just always beating them down and saying why don't you make that play and why don't you grade this.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: It's like ask this is maybe a nice spin into curiosity.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: Like ask more questions to help them understand what's possible.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: Or ask more questions to how you can be a better parent.
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: Or ask more questions how you can show up better to get the most out of them, versus trying to convince them.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Casey, I know you're right, but I immediately thought of Spudweb.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: I think he was following three four, yeah, one of the shortest NBA players ever.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: But I'm just wondering what his parents said to him that made him believe he could play basketball and not.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: You know, it's one thing to it's great if you can play on a high school team, a college team, but he made it all the way to the NBA.
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: And won a dunk competition.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, incredible, incredible.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: But yeah, helping our kids well, understanding where their strengths are and encouraging them where their strengths are.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: Yep, you know, as I say, god made no junk.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: Everyone that he created has talent, special talent.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: When we uncover that talent and that strength well, in basketball terms, in your area of strength, you're hard to guard.
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: That's right, it's almost like the visual.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: When you said that when I talked to, my daughter plays basketball in high school now and she is really scrappy, never gets tired, good three-point shooter but loves playing defense, and ever since she's a kid I always said honey, so ready to take the leash off, and I always help, helped her, I mean.
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: I always say you're a pit bull, there's bunnies or whatever.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: Pit bull is hungry for today You're at the beach and I'm going to take your leash off for the next hour and run.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: And we always talk about flicking the switch, you know, but to that point it's.
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: You said the word believe is one of my favorite words.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: People can't see.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: There's a belief sign behind me, inspired by.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: Ted Lasso.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: But I think, as parents specifically dads, just because this is more podcasts for dads inspiring belief in kids is what a gift, man, it's like when you believe in yourself and you believe what you do matters.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: I mean, they're words, but when you truly believe.
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: Look out, and I know you.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: I can see your head not on your head, it's like, but why, and I don't.
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: I see a lot of parents don't do that.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: They judge, they push, you know, but instead we just slow down and ask questions on how to help inspire that belief.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: Now, what a gift you can give your child.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean absolutely, absolutely.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: You know what's the statement.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Intention integrity.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: It recruitment.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: We are McCann Partners and I am Megan McCann, the CEO and founder.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: Mccann Partners is a Chicago based IT recruitment firm.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: We support a growing portfolio of innovative organizations, from Chicago based startups to companies with a global footprint.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: We are dedicated to creating a more equitable and diverse workforce and are proud that more than 70% of our talent placements since 2020 have been diverse hires.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: We take pride in our work and invest time to hone our skills.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: Case in point, our work with Casey Casey helped me and my team learn new habits of success and unlock the skills we already have been using the superpowers of humility, vulnerability and curiosity.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: If you, the listener, are curious about our experience with Casey and his impact on the team and our business, please reach out to me via LinkedIn.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: You know we're discouraged but we live for encouragement and we all need encouragement and we never have so much encouragement that we say stop it.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: And to encourage our kids, our grandkids, with, you can do it.
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: Interesting story right now Casey, one of our grandsons, is now in his first year at the Air Force Academy.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: And he grew up in Estonia and in basic and you know we're now in October, so in June was basic and in basic you get yelled at and for most now he's an American citizen.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: He was born here but grew up in Europe and for most of the you know first year that we're going through basic, it was kind of a discouraging time because they're being yelled at and they've never been yelled at.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: Well, our grandson actually said it was such an encouraging time and it's like, wait a minute, his name is Kai Kai.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: How could that be encouraging?
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: They were yelling at you.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: He said, yeah, they were yelling, but all the other cadets beside me were saying we can do this, you can do this, kai, and just feeling the encouragement, that was something new.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: He's an.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: He's a elite swimmer.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: He's going to swim or is swimming for the Air Force Academy, but his experience in Estonia was that the team didn't cheer for each other.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: They weren't against each other, but there just wasn't part of the culture, wasn't?
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: Hey, you can do it, we can do it, kai, you can do it.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: Go, kai go.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: And here he was feeling that encouragement from his classmates, the the other first years going through basic.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Well, we hope for all our kids and grandkids that they're around a group of kids that's cheering them on, but for sure their dad and grandpa ought to be cheering them on.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: That's right.
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: What a great mindset your grandson has.
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's his perspective.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: There's always perspective that there's always some way to look at it differently.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: And, bobby you're making me think of, I met a fantastic gentleman by the name of Bill Bill Meyer, who is he does some mindset work.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: He used to be a former coach, golf coach for big, big schools here in the Northwest, and he taught my son two powerful words that I, he also taught me that was mainly for golf a mindset in golf.
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: And those two words are even though and so the framework was, let's say, the you know golf, golf's a tough, very hard sport, but and it's a game of misses and you're, you're never gonna always be elite, and the days that you don't play well, he taught my son to say, hey, even though I didn't shoot the score, I wanted to.
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: I fill in the blank something positive.
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: I had a great bunker shot on six, I had a great drive on nine, I hit seven out of nine greens, like it's, it's spinning it to the positive.
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: And so, like I joked to them, because he and I were like he said, every good coach steals something from someone else I said, well, I'm stealing that, I'll make sure I give him love.
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: Coach Meyer, thank you, my man.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: But I think about it like and I've shared with my kids like, and even in business, let's say you miss your quarterly revenue goal.
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: Even though I missed my number this year, I still did this, I still did that, I still did this, and so it's like it gives you encouragement or strength or positivity to kind of go into the next year.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: So it's because no one's gonna succeed with getting yelled at and beat down to your word.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: Use your word.
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: Bobby, need encouragement.
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well, I've just written, even though down, there you go, that is.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: That is fantastic, simple, you know.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: Can I share a proverb with you that I use frequently when I think of parenting, please, and I got this from my colleague of 24 years, josh McDowell.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: And when I say a proverb, it's not in the scriptures, it's not a proverb from Proverbs, although those are great too, please here.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: I'm not suggesting they're not, but rules without relationships lead to rebellion.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: And my colleague would always say you know, when your child, son or daughter are pushing against the rules me many times want to then push harder on the rules, and he'd say, no, don't do that.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: Now's time to push harder on the relationship and it's a bit counterintuitive.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: But when you push on the relationship, then you suddenly see that some of the things come back into balance.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: It's, you know, can you give an?
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: example like that.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: Well, casey, I'll ask even you do you love it when somebody tells you what to do?
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: The only time I like when that happens is when I'm really really bad at something and someone tells me how to do it and they give me answers.
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: So, like I am not handy, I stink at handiwork, but I'm a great secondhand Like I could help someone do it.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: I just my mind doesn't have the.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: So if you told me, go hammer that, but majority of the time no, I want to make it my idea.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: And you make a great point there.
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: But in general, most of us don't like being told what to do.
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: Well, guess what Our kids and grandkids don't love being told what to do.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: But when we ask them, hey, what do you think would be the wise thing to do here, suddenly now, well, questions Telling creates resistance, asking creates relationships, and you can apply that to business, you can apply that to sales, but you can apply that especially to all human relationships.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: You can apply that to your spouse, your children, your grandchildren, and just simply taking time to ask and then listen.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: And so often, as parents, we do want to tell them what to do.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: We actually know the right thing, the wise thing.
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: If they'd only do this, that would solve the problem and we're probably right.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: But what was that saying that you started with today?
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: Do you want to be right?
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: You want to be right, or do you want to get what you want?
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: So do you want to be right, or would you like your kids, your grandkids, actually to grow?
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: In other words, what you want is for them to internalize and make better decisions out of their desire, versus being squashed and sometimes with a child I mean you can squash them so that they say the right thing.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: But I remember one statement of saying he may be sitting down on the outside, but he's standing up on the inside.
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: In other words, you may get them to conform for the moment, but you haven't actually changed their heart.
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: Bob, I would love to understand if you can describe what did your love of curiosity come from?
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: Well, that's another confession, casey, you know, in one of the books you referred to.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: Now that's a great question.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: The first chapter is a confession and in that chapter I share that for most of my career I've been a benevolent dictator, and not out of evil intent, but my only paradigm of leadership was the job of a leader was to tell people what to do, to give them direction.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: Now, I did say benevolent.
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: I grew up in that home where I was taught to say please and thank you.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: And again, the only paradigm of leadership was that the job of a leader was to give direction.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: So I didn't come to that, at least as I think about it, out of an evil intent to control.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: It was like no, if you're a leader, you need to figure out what needs to be done, tell the staff what to do, but say please and when they do it, say thank you.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: That changed for me you referred to.
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: It's now the third edition of Leading with Questions, but it was the first edition of Leading with Questions.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: When I found that book in 2006, I mean, I love books, casey, and probably every book I've ever read business leadership books there's a morsel in there, a takeaway.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: But when I found this book.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: It literally changed my life, my leadership.
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: For the first time I saw another paradigm of leadership, and that was that a leader who leads with questions would be more effective.
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: And it well, it instantly made sense.
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: I only had one question as I read that first edition why hasn't anyone ever shared this with me before?
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: Because he was filled with stories of leaders literally from around the globe, not just Americans, but who were leading with questions and the questions they were using.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: And you know, at a really simple level, if you can imagine your whole team seated around your conference table, if you are the benevolent dictator and so you think, now here's an opportunity, I have to figure out what we need to do and then I'll tell them.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: Now contrast that with a leader who leads with questions.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: And so they say gang, here's the opportunity.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: What do you all think we might do?
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: And then listen, what are the odds that you might hear an idea better than anything you were thinking?
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: It's not a guarantee, but hearing now from eight, nine other people, the odds are one of them may have a better idea than you were thinking.
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: And then, second, when you empower them to move forward with their idea, how hard are they gonna work Extremely hard, because whose idea are they implementing?
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: Theirs.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: And so a leader who leads with questions, and there's more to it than just that.
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: But if you just understand that is gonna be so much more effective.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: I mean, I embraced it and it was actually that it turned me into the curiosity beginning to say, wait a minute, the leader who asks is benefiting by hearing things they hadn't thought of.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: Now they still.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: You know, the whole team shares ideas and the leader thinks, no, I don't think so.
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: The leader's still in charge.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: But then also the wise leader at times would say, ha, casey has shared an idea.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: That's not how I would approach it.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: But if I let Casey go with his idea and he's gonna climb the mountain differently than me, but he knows where the peak is, in other words, he knows where we need to get to, let me let him try.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: And when you do that enough one of the things that happens with your curiosity is rewarded you begin to say, wait a minute, casey had a great idea, but the best thing about his idea was that he now owns that idea.
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: And if I let him go with that, wow, he feels like, hey, I have a boss who believes in me again, the believe word trust me and like, wow, I gotta make sure that I'm actually trustworthy.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: He gave me freedom to run with my idea.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: And go back to your kids.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: It's again in so many times asking them hey, what do you think would be the wise thing to do here, and how would you do that?
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: What would be the first step?
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: And letting them run with their idea and giving them freedom.
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: Now again, you're gonna be wise.
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: As a parent and grandparent, you know there may be times you'd have to say I'm not sure that would be wise.
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: In fact, son or daughter, grandson, can I share what might be wiser?
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: And even then you're asking kind of permission to share.
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: Hi, I'm Leslie Vickery, the CEO and founder of ClearEdge, a company dedicated to transforming the business of talent.
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: Through our three lines of business ClearEdge, marketing, recruiting and rising that help organizations across the recruitment and HR tech sectors grow their brands and market share while building their teams with excellence and equity.
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: I believe we were one of Casey's very first clients.
• 40:40
  Speaker 4: He helped our sales and account teams really those people on the front lines of building and developing client relationships in so many ways.
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: Here are a few.
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: He helped us unlock the power of curiosity.
• 40:51
  Speaker 4: For me it was a game changer.
• 40:54
  Speaker 4: I was personally learning all about Ted-based that's, tell, explain, describe, questioning and that really resonated with me.
• 41:02
  Speaker 4: We also learned about unlocking the power of humility and unlocking the power of vulnerability.
• 41:08
  Speaker 4: Casey taught us to be a team player, to embrace change, to stay positive.
• 41:14
  Speaker 4: He is one of the most positive people I know.
• 41:16
  Speaker 4: He believes that optimism, resilience and a sense of humor can go a long way in helping people achieve their goals and overcome obstacles.
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: And I agree Casey's book when the Relationship, not the Deal it is a must read.
• 41:31
  Speaker 4: Listen.
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: Whether you're looking for coaching and training or a powerful speaker or keynote, casey is one of the people I recommend when talking to companies.
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: The end result for us, at least as one of Casey's clients our own clients would literally commend our approach over all other companies, from the way we were prepared in advance of a call to how we drove meetings, to how we follow up.
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: It sounds really basic, I know, but let me tell you it is a standout approach that led to stronger relationships.
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: I encourage you to learn more by going to kcjcoxcom.
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: You have nothing to lose by having a conversation and a lot to gain.
• 42:14
  Speaker 4: Now let's get back to Casey's podcast, the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: And actually I've never been turned down by a son, a daughter, a grandson when worded that way.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm not sure if that would be wise.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: Can I have your permission to share what might be wiser, sure?
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: Dad.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: And then you go back to and after you share that, hey, what do you think Right?
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: And you really, especially as they grow a bit older, I realize that at one in two there may be commands of things to protect them Do not go on the street but as they get older, asking them questions, what do you think, what do you think would be wise?
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: I'm not sure if that'd be wise.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: Could I share what I think might be wiser?
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: And after you do, what do you think?
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: What would be the steps?
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: You're involving them versus son.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: Here's what you need to do.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: Love it.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: I have a equation I teach leaders and sales teams that says H plus V plus C equals leadership, or H plus V plus C equals relationship, and I think the elite sellers or relationship builders or the elite leaders always display humility, vulnerability and curiosity.
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: And so when you were saying that, that was just like hitting me in the face numerous times Just I was like I'm going to get hit down on the ground here because you the one I think I loved your humility, you shared the vulnerability to ask and be open to a new idea, and then your curiosity was further inspired.
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: So I'm curious, though, how at what I mean at the stage of life, when you've really got into this that you know people in life, because curiosity, I think, is a superpower that unlocks everything.
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: How did you have, or tell me how you were able to check your ego, to be able to say, wow, I can't be like this beloved, beloved dictator, like you said, but like be a curious leader.
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: Tell me how you were able to kind of check your ego.
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: Casey, that's.
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: That's a great question.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: Yes, I got it.
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: Yes, you said it.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking it was rather easy From this point of view.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: I've always desired to be as effective as possible and so in the strength finder you know assessment my number one strength is maximizer.
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: And something interesting about maximizer at least I think it's interesting is a maximizer loves excellence wherever they can find it and in other words, it doesn't have to be original.
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: With them, if they're doing something, casey comes along, says Bob, hey, have you ever thought about doing it this way, that that you know and you consider and say, wow, that'd be more effective.
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: It's like I'm instantly there Because I see that it'd be more effective.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: In other words, there's nothing within the maximizer that says no, I didn't think of that, so I can't do that.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: So as soon as I began to see that the leader who leads with questions would be more effective, it was like not really having to check my ego, Because that just wiring within me wanting to be effective, it's like anytime I see something that will allow me to be more effective, it's like I'm there.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: My only regret is why didn't I know that, figure that out here that earlier?
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: I think that's uncommon.
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: I think I think you're an uncommon person to think that way and I think it's a gift, because I see a lot of times when the most the best meetings a leader or a dad can have is we're doing less talking and more asking.
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: And it's funny.
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: When I started this podcast nearly four years ago, shout out Ty Nunes, 86, my receiver in college.
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: Bob, he helped get the thing off the ground, but I would have never thought that this podcast I'm practicing what I teach every day.
• 46:43
  Speaker 3: It helps me be a really good listener, it helps me ask good questions to get my guest talking, which is then I transplanted to give it to my wife, my kids, my coach, my clients.
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: I coach and I'm like, oh, and I learned, you know the Socratic method, which is you know the power of asking when someone asks you a question, well, tell me what you think.
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: And when you do it, man, it's a gift.
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: What a gift you get.
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: Because then you're getting, like you said earlier, bob, you're helping other people, inspire their gifts, you're unlocking what they might be able to share with the world.
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: Well, casey, what you're sharing there is that you know you're the host of the podcast, but you're the greatest beneficiary.
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: You're the number one student hearing all the input and it's free therapy every time.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I so identify my blog leading with questions.
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: 90% of the posts it posts twice a week, 90% of the posts are guest posts, and I'm the number one student.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: I'm learning from incredible leaders throughout the world who've written guest posts for my blog.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: And if my subscribers were limited to only what I know, in other words, if, on your podcast, it was completely limited to only what Casey knows, yeah, there'd be some wisdom there.
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: But when you're inviting all sorts of guests to come on, it's like you're learning.
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: But the people following your podcast are getting great ideas from a variety of people, and you know, Casey, that that takes humility on your part to have invited multiple guests, knowing that the end result is your subscribers to your podcast, as well as yourself, are the beneficiaries.
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: Well, I think I think I, you know.
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: I think this is a gift to playing football.
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: Do you know who Uncle Rico is?
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: Bob, I don't.
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: He's a character in the movie Napoleon Dynamite.
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: Okay, and so whenever I mentioned I played football in college, I make fun of myself, and so Uncle Rico is a character in that movie where he always talks about throwing the ball over the mountain.
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: So I tongue cheek.
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: Sometimes you don't want to be the guy who is used to play a little pigskin back in the day, but I think playing football of you know you're only as good as your last play.
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: You run really hard for seven seconds and then you get back and huddle in your rest for 20 seconds.
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: 20 seconds and either I can sit back and huddle like God.
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: You guys see that throw.
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: I was really good man.
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: I'm doing having a hell of a game.
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: Guys.
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: What do you guys think?
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: All of a sudden, as I'm bragging about myself to my team, all of a sudden now we get a penalty for for me being a moron.
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: The huddle, which I think God never did, and my quarterback coach at the time he's now the Office of Coordinator at Arizona State University got him bo Baldwin, fantastic coach.
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: He said I don't remember why he said it, or said it in college, but he said, casey, if you ever have to tell people in life how good you are, you're not that good when you're great.
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: They will tell you.
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: And it always like stood back for me.
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: So it's like you know I was, I would call lucky, right guy, right time, right place.
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: You know my corporate journey I was, I had, I had, I had made probably more success than I thought I was ever going to have in life.
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: But it's like who cares?
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: I got I have to answer this podcast.
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: I think it helps me just further cement that mindset of a yesterday was a great day, great, let's have a better day tomorrow.
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: Or if today was a bad day, okay, I'm gonna have bad days.
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: How can I reset, have a better day tomorrow, even though, even though you're right, exactly, even though I would love to?
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: Um, but I'd love to understand if you so I was like asking a guest, like to have a reflection, like because no one's perfect, we are flawed humans.
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: As you think back to your days when you're raising kids, can you think of times where maybe you weren't your best, where curiosity could have helped you become a better father at the time.
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: Certainly, certainly, is a trigger, a story you might want to share.
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: Well, I want to go back to something I learned from my mom.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: My mom and I actually have a similar temperament, and that is, my mom could become quickly angry with me, and, and no doubt I deserved it.
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: But about five to 10 minutes after she might yell at me, my mom was back.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: Robert, I'm sorry, I got angry.
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: Will you please forgive your mom?
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: And and and from that I find that well to my consternation.
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: There were times, many times, with my kids, that I did the same, meaning I got angry at them, and then in my language, it'd be like there was a check in my spirit, like oh no, yeah, you get angry.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's really going to help them be better.
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: No, he won't.
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: And so, in humility, to go back to your child and get face to face or maybe on your knees you know they're sitting on their bed or whatever and saying I need to ask you forgiveness.
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: I got angry and and that was wrong.
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: That was wrong.
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: Will you forgive your dad?
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: And you know, thank God, my kids always dead, my kids always dead.
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: And and my mom modeled that and and she did it out of genuineness, she wasn't just, you know, like, okay, I'm going to do this to teach something.
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: It was just the way it was, but it did teach something and I find that with my kids it's it's in a sense taught the same thing.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: Hey, my dad does make mistakes, but when he does, he owns them.
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: And again at five and six and seven, they may not be able to process this in terms of doing it, but all of us are going to make mistakes and and to know how to recover from those.
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: And the same thing again works.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: Works in business and and you know all human relationships when we own our stuff.
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: Casey, yeah, I'm reflecting.
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: I need to ask you forgiveness.
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: I was out of line when I did such and such and will you forgive me?
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: I've never had anybody say no.
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: Now, you know, I realize you know there probably are things one could do that are unforgivable.
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: I thank God have not gone to that extreme, but there's something about people that own their stuff that draws us to them.
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: It's like, okay, I can trust this guy, I can trust, you know, this woman because of that, and you know, and for me, I'm a follower of Christ I'm actually reflecting there a spiritual value also, and that is, none of us are getting to heaven because we live such a good life.
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: We're getting there because of a God who forgives us.
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: And so in demonstrating that, that yeah, your dad is not a perfect man, yep, but he seeks to do right and when he doesn't, he seeks forgiveness I think that's maybe counterintuitive, but when we model that reality to our kids of when necessarily humbling ourselves before them, there's something about the relationship and it also, I think, gives them permission that they know they don't have to be perfect either.
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: Or again, it's not permission to commit errors and misbehave, but just to understand okay, when I do blow it, it doesn't mean my whole life is now down the drain.
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: There's a way to recover from that, casey.
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: I have a few other things written down that might be helpful to parents.
• 55:23
  Speaker 2: One of the things with my kids and grandkids is, and with even others, is I don't ask why.
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: You know somebody does something.
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: It's a natural thing.
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: Why'd you do that?
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: Well, I find that that why question always creates a defensiveness, and so, instead of asking why and I learned this from someone else not original with me I'll ask what or how.
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: Hey, what caused you to make that decision?
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: How'd you come to that conclusion?
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: And I find that asking what or how versus why did you do that creates a conversation.
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: When we ask why, we immediately feel judged.
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: When we ask what or how, we don't immediately feel judged, and yet it's the same question.
• 56:19
  Speaker 2: In other words, it's a way to get there, it's a way to ask a son or daughter what caused you to make that decision, but then you're listening.
• 56:31
  Speaker 2: Another principle is, you know, instead of catching your kids doing things wrong and correcting them and I'm not saying we don't need to do that, but make a point to catch them doing right things.
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: And then and I just recently learned this is that when you catch them doing something right, instead of just saying, casey, wow, that was so good when you did such and such.
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: Now, please hear, that's not a bad thing what I just said, but here's a better way.
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: Casey, do you realize how good you were when you did such and such?
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: Followed with another question Casey, where did you learn to do that?
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: And just a kind of even a more powerful way to compliment somebody Again, whether it's a child, a colleague or whatever is.
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: Casey, do you realize how good you do that In fact, casey, let me just use it right, casey.
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: Do you realize what a great host you are as a podcaster?
• 57:35
  Speaker 2: Where'd you learn to become such a great host, casey?
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: I read leading with questions Bob.
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: Do you see how that feels differently?
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: Just saying.
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: Casey, wow, you're a great host.
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: And me saying, casey, you're a great host.
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: That's not like a bad statement, but it even adds horsepower to your affirmation.
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: Again, I'm thinking to your child and grandchild, but colleagues also of wow, do you realize how good you are at that?
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: Where'd you learn to do that?
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: I got this from a mom she said.
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: Every day when her daughter came home from school she'd said I would ask honey, how was school today?
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: And she said I was always disappointed because the most I would get was a one word answer Fine, okay, boring, good.
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: And she said one day I'm reflecting on that and I realize the old insanity definition is doing something over and over, expecting different results.
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: And she said I realized it wasn't her problem, it was my problem.
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: I needed to come up with a better question.
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: So she said I sat and thought for a while and when my daughter came home that day, instead of saying honey, how was school today, I said honey, can you tell me about your day today?
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: And she said at first I wasn't sure she actually heard me because it was a long silence.
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: But then my daughter began to speak and she went on for five minutes telling me about her day and she said, as I'm sitting there listening, I'm smiling, saying yes, the better question Can you tell me about your day?
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: Versus how was your day today?
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: And, of course, for those of us who study questions, the difference between those two is a closed question and an open question.
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: A closed question is they're not wrong to use if you're just looking for a yes or no or a one word answer.
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: You know you're driving, we're driving together.
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: Hey, do I take a left here?
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: Yes, you take a left here.
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: Okay, that's all I needed to know.
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: But so there are times we use that closed question but for conversations, an open question that cannot be answered in one word.
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: And that's what I got from that mom.
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: Can you tell me about your day?
• 59:57
  Speaker 3: today.
• 59:58
  Speaker 3: So now we're going to get into semantics, but I love what she said and it's this like serendipity that you and I met.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 3: Call it God, call it universe, call it serendipity, whatever it is.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 3: It is like I'm grateful, bob, because I'm a few years behind you, but I'm carrying your torch To them a sprint to the finish line whenever that happens.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 3: And so I teach the same thing to my clients and I tell them to practice on their kids.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 3: They're the hardest people to sell to, hardest people to get to talk.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 3: If you can get your kids talking, you'll get anybody talking.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 3: And even when I use that mom I think she used a modifier she says can you tell me, which I think is still closed, because I could say no, I don't want to, and what I found through trial and error is putting a number in the question.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 3: So if I said, hey, ryder.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: If I said, tell me about your day that was good, well, did you have fun?
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 3: Yep, if I said, hey, ryder, tell me two things about your day that made you smile, tell me two things that would make school better, describe.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 3: And then, if they tell me anything which I'll keep putting, the key is putting a number in the question because our human mind says, well, he said two things, I got to think of two things.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 3: And then the powerful thing is I call the second level, ted, which is, you know Ted stands for tell me, explain, describe.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 3: When I say, oh, wow, tell me more about that.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 3: I've yet to have someone say, hey, screw off, casey, I don't want to tell you more about it.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 3: I'm done talking about me.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 3: The power of tell me more, oh, describe why that was so fun.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 3: Tell me what it was like to be there.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 3: They keep talking and it's gold, and I wish I learned this at age 41.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 3: And the gentleman who taught me this framework, his name is John Kaplan.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 3: He called me the most unconsciously competent person he's ever trained.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 3: And I said, john, that doesn't sound good.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 3: And he laughed.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 3: He goes no, it's good.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 3: I'm going to give you the framework to teach what maybe comes unconsciously to you.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 3: They didn't even realize you're doing it, but I'm going to help put a framework around it so you can teach it.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, that makes sense.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 3: And I just wish that I could turn back time and not memorize the PowerPoint deck, not memorize what I'm supposed to say to my son or daughter or my wife.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 3: But hey, and this is a question I teach when I go, even now, when I go to businesses, I said hey, bob, thanks for your time.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 3: Before we get started, describe what would be an ideal outcome for you in the time we have today.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 3: Weird, I got the answer to the test again and, bob, guess what my GPA is when I have the answer to the test Four?
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 3: Still, I've yet to mess that up.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 3: Even going to Central Washington, I didn't mess that up, you know.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 3: Well, this has been fun.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 3: This has been so fun and I could talk all day long, but I know we want to keep it close to an hour as we could.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: I know our guests have gotten a ton out of this.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 3: I have two pages of notes, but I want to make sure that people can learn more about you, because I know that you've intrigued them, for people that love following blogs, that people love following books, that people just want to learn more about Bob Teedy, touchdown, teedy.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 3: Tell me what is the best way I can make sure people know how to connect with you and learn more about the great work you're doing for all of us.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: My blog is leadingwithquestionscom.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: Just run those words together leadingwithquestionscom, type them into the browser and bang, you'll be there.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 2: And once you're there, let me just point a couple of things.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: If you'll kind of cursor to the bottom right, there's a place to enter your email and then click on Subscribe and you'll be joining leaders from 190 some countries who are committed to increasing their leadership effectiveness.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 2: And into your inbox every Monday and Thursday will come another post with what I call turnkey ready questions that you can immediately turn around to ask Colleagues or clients or prospects or friends or family, and usually wrapped in a story so you understand how that question was used or how it benefited or how it was answered.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 2: And it's usually the story that motivates you to look for who could I ask?
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 2: Because I'd like to ask this question of someone.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 2: And then, once you're there, also on the top, you'll see the word books.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 2: If you click on there, I have five free eBooks.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: Several of them are also free audio books, mp3, just like your blog or your podcast, where they can be downloaded to their smartphone and they can listen as they run, drive, walk or sit in the rocking chair, but at any rate and those books are available in multiple languages.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: So you some of you listening fluent in English, yes, but your first language is still the language you love and you can look at are available in Chinese, spanish, portugal, polish, albanian I'm forgetting what else but in multiple languages, with more coming on a regular basis.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: And then so there's.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: So there's that Also at the bottom.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: If you go to leading with questions that come in the cursor to the bottom, you'll see links to multiple recent posts and also there's a search bar up at the top right.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: Type in anything, type in parenting, and suddenly you'll see a whole bunch of posts related to parenting and again, places where I've learned from the wisdom of others.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 2: And at any rate, invite the guests, your guests, to subscribe to leading with questions dot com.
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: Wow, and if you're listening to Casey's podcast for the first time, the first thing is a subscribe to Casey's podcast.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: And then go to leading with questions dot com.
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 3: So everybody at home, I would encourage you to do this.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 3: And what Bob did not share that to further round out his humility is when he first started this blog, he wrote as many things he could, he could figure out, and then you realized he couldn't do this alone.
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 3: And he's built relationships with thousands of people around the world and he has guest blog articles that come up on Mondays and Thursdays, like he talked about, and he's sharing this wisdom with all of us.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 3: So I would encourage you, if you've taken the time to listen and you made it this far and you sure hope you got some notes in front of you take the time to continue learning from Bob, who's a grand father and a grandfather and success leaves clues everybody and let's follow the success that he's laid in front of us.
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 3: It's now, bob, to go into what I call the lightning round, where I go random on you and my job is to ask you quickly questions.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 3: Your job is to answer them as quick as you can, but, more importantly, my job is to get a good glad deal.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 3: Okay, are you ready?
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 3: I'm ready?
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 3: Okay, true or false, you once scored seven touchdowns in a game.
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 3: The University of South Dakota.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, I wish, but I'd be false.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 3: That's false.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 3: Okay, true or false, you once kicked a 68 yard field goal for the Dallas Cowboys.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: Oh, again, I wish, but no false.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 3: I giggled.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 3: I don't know why I even asked that.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 3: See, I got a screw loose.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 3: Okay, if I was to come to your house for dinner tonight, tell me what we would eat.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: Well, what I love and so I'd go get it, because Casey's coming for dinner is we would have a beef roast, mashed potatoes and gravy, fresh sweet corn and pumpkin pie for dessert.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 3: I'm getting hungry there, bobby hungry.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 3: Tell me the last book you read.
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 2: Wow, wow.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 2: What was the name of it when the relationship, not the deal?
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 2: I see it across from me.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 3: I did not tee him up with that everybody that is I, just that it's gonna look like we, so I swear I got to that up.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 2: It is right there.
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 2: Thank you for sending it to me.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 3: You bet Appreciate that.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 3: Tell me what would be one song in your phone that your grandkids would be like, what grandpa Bob listens to?
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: that song, oh my goodness, what would surprise them.
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 2: Well, casey, I'm a fan of Southern gospel, okay, and my kids and grandkids all roll their eyes and occasionally I'll pull up one and my favorite group ever they two of the members have died, but was called the cathedrals and I loved everything they ever sang.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 2: One of their songs was is that wedding music?
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 2: I hear and you know they, if I started, they all roll their eyes and I'm saying this is one of the greatest songs ever.
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 3: Nice.
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 3: If there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: He asked.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 3: He asked oh, I love that.
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 3: Okay, now, bob, all your books, they're getting crushed.
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 3: My book getting crushed, and, he asked, is now leading all the charts, is going everywhere.
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 3: It's an airport, it's in the Barnes and Noble's, it's in wherever you can go.
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 3: People cannot stop talking about this book.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 3: And now Hollywood wants to make a movie out of this book.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 3: Bob, and you are now the casting director and I need to know who will start you in this critically acclaimed, hit new movie.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: Tom Hanks, my favorite actor.
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: Tom Hanks.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: There we go.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: Tom can play anything, he can play anything.
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 2: So so you know you just a guy you would trust, yeah, to play you and to do.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 2: You know, when I say do you justice, it's not that I'm better than anyone else, but I just think here's the ability to make any, to be that character, and after a while, when you watch a Tom Hanks movie, you lose track that he's Tom Hanks because he's that person in that movie.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 3: Truth.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 3: I'm big Tom Hanks fan.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 3: I could see it.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 3: I could see him playing this role too.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 3: Okay, if there were.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 3: If you and your lovely bride of 53 years in December, we're going to go on vacation, just you two, no kids, no grandkids.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 3: Tell me where you're going Paris, nice, nice, that sounds good, okay.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 3: And then last question Tell me two words that describe your wife.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 2: Smart and beautiful.
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 3: Boom There'll be more You're going to get to.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 3: The lightning round is over.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 3: We both giggled, but we both had a fun.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 3: This hour and seven minutes flew by.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 3: I could talk to you for eight more hours about curiosity, because it is something I'm addicted to.
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 3: Again, a superpower dads If you get curious, it will unlock so much right in front of you.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 3: I want to thank our sponsor, latitude Sickle, for your continued support.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 3: If you have not yet ever been to Alaska, please visit Latitude Sickle, latitude 57.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 3: Check them out.
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 3: Make a trip, take your team up there, take, do an event.
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 3: Whatever you got to do, go visit this island.
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 3: That I did, and it is fantastic.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 3: I think I saw more bald eagles than I've ever seen in my entire life and everybody up there, like I, was like oh wow, another eagle.
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 3: And they're like dude, they're everywhere.
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 3: Stop telling us that, but I couldn't get past how many eagles there were.
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 3: So I want to thank them for their continued support of this podcast.
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 3: I want to thank everybody for listening and, if you've never taken the time to go into Apple or Spotify or wherever you consume your podcast, to leave us a review, that would be a huge, huge help and huge ask, as more we inspire other dads to listen and build this community.
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 3: We're just going to continue to help build better kids of people in the community.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 3: People are trying to just make positive impacts the world and with that, bob, thank you so much for spending some time with me on this Tuesday morning and I'm grateful for Debbie making the introduction to us.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 3: But it's been fun spending time with you.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 2: You see, I'm grateful to Debbie too, and I'm grateful for this opportunity.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 2: It's just, you're a great host, there's been lots of fun and you know I'm looking forward to our relationship continuing.
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you a touchdown Park and live Amen.
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 3: See you, man.