Latest / Captivate the Mic: Master Public Speaking & Video, Build Confidence and Boost Visibility / The Power of the Pause: Culture, Change & Real Connection

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The Power of the Pause: Culture, Change & Real Connection · Captivate the Mic: Master Public Speaking & Video, Build Confidence and Boost Visibility

• 0:05
  This is Elaine with Captivate The Mic, and I am so excited for this amazing episode that I got to do with Ron Reich.
• 0:12
  All about leadership, mission statements, workplace culture.
• 0:17
  Dig in.
• 0:18
  You're gonna love it.
• 0:19
  So happy that you're here.
• 0:21
  Welcome everybody to Captivate the Mic with Elaine Williams and I have the biggest treat for everybody.
• 0:29
  This is the first male on the podcast because he is such an amazing spiritual earnest, good-hearted master trainer, communicator, friend.
• 0:44
  Ron Reik, I'm so happy that you're here.
• 0:47
  Thank you so much for coming and spending some time with us.
• 0:50
  Elaine, it's always so good to see you and I'm always glad to be here.
• 0:55
  I always have so much fun with you, Ron, because we both love human potential and training and there's so many nuances and I just love that.
• 1:06
  And that's one reason I wanted to have you, and you give us hope because unfortunately, many, like many women, I, I work mostly with women, but sometimes we've had to deal with gentlemen who were not quite so evolved as you.
• 1:22
  Yeah.
• 1:23
  And I say that with love and I know it's a gross generalization and we're gonna dig into that.
• 1:27
  But, I love you have been a consultant.
• 1:31
  You train all over the world.
• 1:34
  I keep hoping that I'm gonna get you to write a book.
• 1:37
  What is your opinion and what's happening?
• 1:40
  We're in the first part of 2025 and on social media, it has been like, whoa.
• 1:48
  Everything's it's like a dumpster fire.
• 1:50
  I'd love to know what your take is on it.
• 1:53
  What has the vibe been for you and your trainings and the, and your business world?
• 2:00
  I think Elaine my right, right now, what's happening?
• 2:05
  I think a lot of people are taking a step back and I'm not sure I wanna say reevaluating, I think.
• 2:14
  I think they're taking a step back and just trying to take a deep breath and evaluate, okay, this is what's going on from so many different perspectives.
• 2:28
  How does it impact me?
• 2:30
  How does it impact my business?
• 2:32
  And what do you know?
• 2:33
  What do I, what do we need to do moving forward?
• 2:39
  And for me, that does make sense.
• 2:43
  It really does.
• 2:44
  One of the biggest mistakes people make is are making decisions.
• 2:50
  Based on emotion or just reacting so quickly and it is okay, stop everything or move forward.
• 2:59
  Oh my goodness.
• 3:00
  Quickly, everybody, just, and it's alright, settle down, let's take a look at this.
• 3:07
  But, and again, my, the thing I always recommend to people, Elaine, is, within emotional intelligence, the PRD model.
• 3:15
  If I'm emotional or if I need to make a decision and I'm being pressed, PRD, pause, reflect.
• 3:26
  And then decide how am I going to handle this?
• 3:30
  Do I need to respond on the spot?
• 3:33
  Can I ask for some time?
• 3:35
  Elena, I need to think about this.
• 3:38
  You need to gimme a day to think this through.
• 3:40
  Maybe I need to, get some advice from somebody else before I make a decision.
• 3:46
  And I think a lot of people are just taking a step back, reevaluating and just saying, okay, this is what's happening.
• 3:55
  What do we need to do?
• 3:57
  And for me.
• 4:01
  No matter what, I, I am such a big believer, and you know this in the serenity prayer of just, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
• 4:13
  I can't change what's going on around me right now.
• 4:16
  I can't, that I just have no control over that.
• 4:20
  What do I control?
• 4:22
  My reaction, how do I deal with these types of things?
• 4:26
  And just letting people know, clients, friends, family, whatever it might be is like okay.
• 4:33
  Here you, this is my thinking on this.
• 4:36
  We are gonna be okay.
• 4:37
  We are.
• 4:38
  And I believe that with every fiber I have too I really do as a nation and just as everything we'll be okay.
• 4:46
  And with, as with any type of new situation, there's gonna be some rough spots.
• 4:53
  There are gonna be some bumps.
• 4:54
  Of course there are.
• 4:56
  So be it.
• 4:58
  So be it.
• 5:01
  I love that because I know when I'm on my spin bike, that's when I scroll and luckily I've been.
• 5:10
  Focusing more on music and dance because the Grammys so inspired me last week.
• 5:16
  Yeah.
• 5:16
  But it does feel like there's a lot of people going, the sky is falling, the sky is falling.
• 5:22
  And what's interesting is I like to think of myself as not so reactive, but maybe I should just stop scrolling for a week, because I still feel like it gets in my psyche and my yes soul, yes.
• 5:37
  And see Elaine, that's one of the things over which we have control, right?
• 5:42
  That that's exactly right.
• 5:44
  And yeah, I get that.
• 5:46
  And part of, part, one, one thing too, and actually this is just occurring to me in the moment.
• 5:53
  The one thing that I talk to people about.
• 5:56
  When we're going, when we're talking about change in the workplace or really anywhere, is that okay?
• 6:02
  What's the goal of the change?
• 6:03
  What's the goal of the change?
• 6:05
  The rah part and all that Fine.
• 6:08
  One thing though, that I always like to recommend to people to what's not changing, what's not changing for you?
• 6:19
  Oh my gosh.
• 6:21
  I love that.
• 6:22
  It's so profound.
• 6:23
  But it's like an anchor, isn't it, Elaine?
• 6:25
  Exactly.
• 6:26
  I, for example, you sing, I'm on my spin bike.
• 6:30
  My spin bike.
• 6:30
  That's not changing.
• 6:31
  Elaine.
• 6:32
  And for me too, I'm still walking Jasmine every day.
• 6:36
  We're still going for our walk runs.
• 6:38
  You know what?
• 6:39
  Whatever it might be.
• 6:40
  Lori's still here.
• 6:41
  It's okay.
• 6:43
  These things are not changing.
• 6:46
  So yes.
• 6:46
  The world has shifted and there's a lot going on.
• 6:50
  It's not oh my goodness, everything in my life is different Now, that's not true.
• 6:55
  That's just, I love that.
• 6:56
  But yeah.
• 6:57
  Yeah, human beings, we don't like change.
• 7:00
  We all know it's part of life and all the things, but I love that and I do feel like this is a great analogy for some of the stuff that's happening in the US right now.
• 7:11
  Because you are a change agent.
• 7:12
  You get brought in to help with workplace culture, help define the missions, help people be more effective.
• 7:20
  You're always doing stuff like this.
• 7:22
  And I love that.
• 7:23
  First of all, this is what's not gonna change.
• 7:26
  Duh dah.
• 7:28
  That's so okay, everybody take a deep breath.
• 7:30
  All right.
• 7:30
  That's right.
• 7:33
  We're still gonna still have a roof over my head.
• 7:36
  Just all of these things.
• 7:38
  And you know what, Elaine if you don't mind, because you're reminding me of something else, and I don't think you and I have actually ever talked about this.
• 7:47
  Okay?
• 7:47
  There's another model.
• 7:49
  I like to recommend to clients.
• 7:51
  This is more of a of when you're having, you need to have a difficult conversation with somebody.
• 7:58
  Although off the top of my head, I think it applies to change as well and very simply.
• 8:05
  You ask the people with whom you're working or if it's one colleague, whatever it might be.
• 8:11
  First of all, I'm sorry, here's the situation itself.
• 8:14
  Spell it out and on a document, spell it out.
• 8:17
  Here's the situation with which we're dealing.
• 8:21
  Second, what's wrong with it?
• 8:24
  In other words, how why do, why are we changing?
• 8:27
  How is your perspective different than mine?
• 8:31
  How, how is it different than mine?
• 8:34
  Write it down.
• 8:36
  And then thirdly, and this is the part that I really like, what could be right about it?
• 8:44
  What could be right about what I've talked to you about or what we are considering here.
• 8:51
  And then last and not least, what are the steps we need to take in order to solve this issue?
• 8:59
  Real quickly.
• 8:59
  I'll give you an example, please.
• 9:02
  Yeah.
• 9:02
  Years ago I'm working for a vendor.
• 9:05
  Okay?
• 9:06
  Two day class.
• 9:07
  At the end of each day day one, they asked us to do a real quick, I.
• 9:12
  Written survey with the participants.
• 9:14
  Just a quick snapshot, how did the day go for you?
• 9:17
  Small group.
• 9:18
  Seven people end of the day.
• 9:20
  And I'm thinking to myself, we had a great day.
• 9:22
  Just a great day.
• 9:22
  I'm sure I'm flipping through the evals.
• 9:25
  Oh yeah, we had a great, oh, dun, the last one.
• 9:30
  And I was like, ah, the last one.
• 9:33
  Wait a minute.
• 9:34
  The feedback she had written down, you talked too much.
• 9:40
  I was thinking to myself, okay, first of all, everybody had left, so I was the only one in the room, so I didn't need to pause and reflect.
• 9:49
  I wasn't going to say something quickly get being serious again, my first reaction, no way.
• 9:57
  No way.
• 9:58
  No chance.
• 9:59
  No, I did not talk too much.
• 10:01
  I don't do that.
• 10:03
  It's about a 10 minute walk.
• 10:06
  From the office back to the hotel where I stay.
• 10:08
  I was in DC the entire walk back.
• 10:11
  Elaine.
• 10:12
  I'm thinking no.
• 10:13
  It wasn't a no chance.
• 10:14
  No.
• 10:15
  And I'm thinking to myself, I know what's going on here.
• 10:18
  I do.
• 10:19
  Yep.
• 10:19
  She's a know-it-all.
• 10:21
  She's got a big mouth and she thinks she's, she's the cat's meow here.
• 10:25
  It wasn't me.
• 10:26
  No chance.
• 10:27
  So I get back to the room.
• 10:29
  I'm sitting there and I'm still thinking about it, and now I start to think about something.
• 10:36
  My old boss, the best boss I we had her on the show, Barbara Fulmer said to me years and years ago, you know what Ron?
• 10:44
  Every once in a while, it seems to me it happens maybe once a year, maybe every 15 months or so, you fall into the trap where you tend to tell all the stories in class and you don't give the participants the opportunity to tell stories.
• 11:03
  And I was thinking to myself, you know what?
• 11:05
  Self-talk run.
• 11:08
  You're falling into that trap.
• 11:10
  You're falling into trap.
• 11:13
  And my point is simply using the model, what was the situation, Ron?
• 11:18
  You talk too much.
• 11:20
  What's wrong with it?
• 11:21
  Now she's a big mouth.
• 11:22
  She's a no it all, no chance.
• 11:24
  No.
• 11:25
  What could be right about it?
• 11:28
  And then I was like, wow, there is some merit to it.
• 11:33
  And Elaine to this day, I still don't completely agree with her comment that I talked too much.
• 11:38
  There was some merit to it.
• 11:40
  So what did I do the next day in order to solve the problem?
• 11:44
  Hey folks, who has a story about this, right?
• 11:48
  No.
• 11:48
  So does that mean you got the feedback in the middle of the training?
• 11:53
  Exactly.
• 11:54
  This was after day one.
• 11:55
  We still had day two to go, so I changed my behavior.
• 12:00
  Boom.
• 12:01
  I love that.
• 12:03
  I'm like, oh, I always think of getting feedback at the end, but that's even more brilliant.
• 12:09
  And then, one of my mentors talks about letting people put their voice into the room, and I know I've always.
• 12:19
  And group dynamics.
• 12:20
  Believe it or not, I used to be shy, but I always feel like I'm really getting that I'm in the class or the workshop or the seminar when I've gotten to share or process like that just means I'm like, I'm in, I'm engaged.
• 12:35
  And I also know,'cause I a tendency to be vulnerable and sometimes funny and sometimes by me going and being vulnerable, I've seen it happen where it gives other people permission.
• 12:48
  To do the same, and so that's one of the reasons when I'm in a group dynamic, I will try and then I also consciously will be like, shut up Elaine.
• 12:58
  'cause I love to talk too.
• 13:00
  It's a different situation, but I, I really try to consciously be aware of how much am I putting my voice in the room, and again, Elaine, you're, you are reminding me of something that my old colleague Dave pointed out to me many years ago, and I always remember this.
• 13:18
  He was like, Ron, he said, remember, he said, the women in your classes often, not always, many of them will be hesitant to speak up quickly.
• 13:31
  I.
• 13:32
  Give them time.
• 13:33
  Give them time as you, as they get to know you better, as they become more comfortable and as they get more comfortable with their surroundings, they will start sharing.
• 13:46
  I.
• 13:46
  And that has been my direct experience where again, I need to be aware.
• 13:51
  Just, just again, using you as the example here.
• 13:53
  Oh, Elaine, she's so quiet over there.
• 13:55
  She doesn't say anything.
• 13:57
  Give her a chance.
• 13:58
  Give her a chance.
• 13:59
  Give everybody a chance because you're not sure what's going on.
• 14:04
  And that, that goes back to again, for me, Elaine let's tie it into how critical relationships are.
• 14:14
  If I'm doing a session where I don't know the people, I want to be in that room at least an hour before we start.
• 14:24
  So when people come in, I can chat with them.
• 14:27
  I can get to know them a little bit.
• 14:29
  More importantly, they can get to know me a little bit and building rapport.
• 14:34
  It's so great.
• 14:36
  Exactly.
• 14:37
  He's a nice guy.
• 14:38
  Oh, okay.
• 14:39
  He's, he's, we're already talking just a little bit about maybe the content or whatever it might be.
• 14:45
  I don't need to be as nervous as I was.
• 14:49
  And that is so important just to, again, establishing the rapport, establishing the psychological safety.
• 14:57
  And it's and that's where it's boom.
• 14:59
  And all of a sudden, who has a story about this?
• 15:02
  I do.
• 15:02
  I do.
• 15:03
  I'll add to that.
• 15:05
  And the best thing that can happen for me is for me to just keep my mouth shut.
• 15:10
  Yeah.
• 15:12
  And facilitate.
• 15:12
  And to me, that is true mastery when you can step back and create the space and allow the others to come in and do the work, if you will.
• 15:21
  Yeah.
• 15:21
  I love that.
• 15:23
  I love that.
• 15:24
  Someone a, a master facilitator.
• 15:27
  I read this somewhere or someone shared it with me, just said, you know that you are really doing a good job when you can sit back and drink tea.
• 15:38
  And now a quick message.
• 15:41
  If you are a speaker, coach, author, or someone who wants to climb the corporate ladder, and you know you need to work on your executive presence, your ability to speak powerfully and succinctly with vocal variety and vocal power and presence, I would love to have a chat with you and see if it's the right fit.
• 16:03
  Now we're back to the show.
• 16:09
  And we'll be right back after this break.
• 16:12
  So my name is Elaine, and if you haven't known, stop.
• 16:17
  Yep.
• 16:17
  And let everybody just do their thing.
• 16:20
  It's yeah, I don't have to worry about anything.
• 16:22
  They're doing all the talking.
• 16:24
  Yes.
• 16:25
  I have heard a version of that as well.
• 16:27
  I love that.
• 16:29
  And so I would love to ask you, I had the privilege of knowing you and working with you for a while.
• 16:34
  I would love for you to talk about, maybe the company you're working with, helping them create a mission statement that they really.
• 16:44
  Own that.
• 16:45
  It's not just here, we're putting this on you and Yeah.
• 16:50
  Tell us about that.
• 16:51
  This has been so much fun.
• 16:54
  It really has.
• 16:56
  I met Jeff at a session and we just, we were talking just randomly, just chatting.
• 17:03
  I knew he was the owner of a heavy duty towing company.
• 17:08
  In the Midwest and we're just chatting a little bit.
• 17:11
  I, I'm just trying to get to know him.
• 17:13
  And he was like, oh yeah, Ron.
• 17:14
  He said, things are going so well.
• 17:16
  He said I'm just so happy with where we are, we're growing and so forth.
• 17:21
  And he said to me, he said, the one thing I want, I'd like to establish a formal culture.
• 17:29
  And I was like, wow, okay.
• 17:31
  We talk some more.
• 17:32
  One thing leads to the next and.
• 17:38
  I talked to him in depth.
• 17:39
  I talked to his right hand man, if you will, in depth as well.
• 17:43
  I was ready to go out there and we were ready to start doing the actual work to help them to develop a culture.
• 17:50
  Yeah, I talk, what do you wanna accomplish and what's it like to work there, and just all these other things.
• 17:55
  And then I got a call from Maya, who was the second in command.
• 18:00
  He said to me, we're going in a different direction.
• 18:03
  My instant reaction was uhoh.
• 18:06
  I just lost this, right?
• 18:08
  Instead of coming out Ron and doing the work, what we'd like you to do, would you please come out here and spend some time with us just so we can get to know each other better.
• 18:21
  We'd like you to spend time with some of the drivers of the trucks, get to know the people who work here, take a look at who we are, what we are, how we do things, what the current culture is.
• 18:36
  And I was like, you guys, if you are willing to do that is fabulous because I did that in another life before and I don't need to get into that part right now.
• 18:47
  Long story short, I went out there for three days and had so much fun.
• 18:52
  Just so much fun spending time with all different kinds of people.
• 18:58
  The top people in the organization, the people, the customer service reps the, the people in the office.
• 19:05
  I was out in the field with some of the tow truck drivers going to accident scenes.
• 19:11
  Just talking with them.
• 19:12
  What's it like to work here?
• 19:13
  What's it all about?
• 19:15
  And that is so important to gather all of that information because this way everybody owns it.
• 19:26
  In other words, once, once we start doing the actual formal culture work, it's not okay, folks from senior management, this is what we've decided culture will be.
• 19:38
  It's no.
• 19:38
  So many different people at so many different levels had input into it.
• 19:44
  And in I won't get into all of the details here, Elaine.
• 19:48
  In a day and a half, actually a day and three quarters we established defined values for the organization.
• 19:59
  We came up with a formal culture statement by which everybody agrees, and by which everybody will live.
• 20:10
  And it was fun.
• 20:13
  It was fun.
• 20:14
  It was an intense day in three quarters.
• 20:17
  Everybody, because again, these people are not used to this kind of work sitting down.
• 20:23
  Sure.
• 20:23
  And just, we were doing a lot of standup activities.
• 20:25
  I don't mean to imply we were sitting the whole time still in a totally different type of thinking.
• 20:32
  In which they were involved.
• 20:34
  And it was, it's, it is always fun and I find it funny, at the end of day one, all of them were just like, I am so tired.
• 20:44
  I can't see strain.
• 20:45
  I'm just so tired.
• 20:47
  And I was like, they weren't used to using their brains that much.
• 20:50
  Exactly.
• 20:50
  Yeah.
• 20:52
  Exactly.
• 20:53
  And at the end of day two, same thing.
• 20:56
  And then though the key is what we decided to do, those were the first two days with the more senior leaders.
• 21:03
  Although we had input from a lot of people.
• 21:06
  Then we had the managers come in for day three and four.
• 21:10
  We took them through the entire process of how we came up with.
• 21:17
  The values, the defined values, the culture statement, and then we talked about how they could use it what was important to them, what was applicable to them.
• 21:29
  And it's working.
• 21:31
  It's just working.
• 21:33
  And so you started with the.
• 21:35
  People that were not in leadership at first, I talked I talked to the leaders in the initial conversations.
• 21:43
  Yes.
• 21:43
  And then once I went out there, Elaine the senior leaders were not very involved at all.
• 21:48
  No, not at all.
• 21:50
  And to me that is such a sign of psychological safety that Jeff, the owner and the other leaders have created, and the information people were sharing with me was amazing.
• 22:04
  It was just like.
• 22:05
  Oh, I love it here.
• 22:06
  I love it here.
• 22:07
  It is so much fun.
• 22:08
  And also not just the fun stuff.
• 22:11
  There are some things we need to do differently.
• 22:13
  There's no two ways about it.
• 22:16
  The other thing people need to be aware of here, and I give Jeff and Maya so much credit and the other leaders, because I said to them upfront, it was like, you need to be aware of a couple things here, folks.
• 22:29
  Number one, you're probably gonna lose some people.
• 22:34
  Some people are gonna leave where it's I don't like this, I don't want anything to change here.
• 22:38
  And it's and they were like, we know that and that's okay.
• 22:41
  Okay.
• 22:41
  And I said, it really as important, you may very well need to let some people go who are not going to buy into this.
• 22:50
  And they're like, we know that too.
• 22:52
  And that, it just doesn't get any better than that.
• 22:55
  And again, it's just, it's all about what is best for this organization.
• 23:01
  But, and also what I'm hearing though is, I think one of the reasons I get so excited talking with Ron is I like so many people, I worked in a lot of hotel restaurant comedy clubs and there were many.
• 23:15
  Toxic environments and a lot of times everyone was just doing the best they could, but so many times people got promoted because they were there or because, sometimes it's like the worst reason why people get promoted and then they're trained to do the.
• 23:31
  Checkouts, but they're not trained how to manage people or how to motivate how to communicate.
• 23:36
  And so I get so excited because I think what would be possible, and one of the things thinking about you working with the people who were not in the leadership so many times, that your people in lines, dealing with clients and customers, the ones in the trenches, a lot of times they have insights.
• 23:59
  Brilliant things'cause they know what it's like to execute or not.
• 24:04
  They are they're on the front lines.
• 24:07
  And many times in my experience, the higher ups don't listen.
• 24:13
  So many times you have these people who wanna contribute, then yes, some, there's always a couple who wanna complain, but a lot of times there's people who wanna contribute or have ideas.
• 24:22
  But if you keep squelching that down, they go.
• 24:26
  You know what?
• 24:27
  Quiet, quitting what?
• 24:28
  Fine.
• 24:29
  That's right.
• 24:29
  And it's heartbreaking.
• 24:30
  It's heartbreaking when you care about.
• 24:32
  What you do and you put pride in whatever.
• 24:36
  If you're digging ditches, you're like, I wanna be the best dig ditch digger, and I have a better idea about how to, be more efficient.
• 24:43
  Anyway.
• 24:44
  So I just think there's so much healing that happens.
• 24:48
  Oh, like that experience of being heard, being seen, being, gotten, being appreciated like that is I, when I was.
• 24:57
  An employee, I would just feel like so much loyalty if I felt like my manager knew what I was up to and understood my goals and what drove me.
• 25:07
  I would work holidays and weekends and the shitty shifts because they got me.
• 25:14
  They'd be like, Elaine, can you scrub this with a toothbrush?
• 25:16
  I'd be like, yes, you got it.
• 25:18
  Because I felt like I was in partnership with them.
• 25:21
  But then when I had the experience of, working with a lot of no offense and Alpha males who, you know for whatever reasons it was like oil and water, or I was a high eye and they were a d, all that stuff I would feel myself like really detaching.
• 25:38
  And not having the best attitude'cause I just felt so frustrated and not respected, not heard, not gotten.
• 25:45
  So anyway, I think the work that you do is so profound.
• 25:50
  And that is the end of part one with Ron Reich in leadership.
• 25:54
  Make sure you stay tuned for part two where he goes deeper into so many great things.