Latest / The Christian Reeve Podcast / Erika Botha | The Christian Reeve Podcast | #103 |

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Erika Botha | The Christian Reeve Podcast | #103 | · The Christian Reeve Podcast

• 0:02
  Hello and welcome to another episode of the Christian Reef
• 0:06
  podcast. Today's guest is professional
• 0:09
  relationship, coach who's hailing all the way from Ontario
• 0:12
  Canada. Her name is Erika, Botha.
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  Welcome to the show. Hayden Erica fine.
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  Thanks. And you Christian, I'm doing
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  great early morning year late afternoon day where you are.
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  So yeah, let's do this about it's about 33 p.m. where I am
• 0:27
  right now. You need your afternoon.
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  See a sty I like the idea that I think I think the Spanish of it
• 0:35
  right you know I mean I mean I love food so I'm like oh another
• 0:40
  excuse to eat. I'm right there, right?
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  Yeah, I just want to ask you this real quick right off the
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  bat. So obviously off camera.
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  You mentioned that you're originally from South Africa,
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  which I didn't know obviously, my extensive research failed me.
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  But people think that I'm from the UK with my accent so I guess
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  the two of us today have the same accents.
• 1:09
  So yeah, that's the, that's the thing.
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  Like what would I listen to your accent?
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  I in certain videos. I could hear the slight
• 1:16
  Canadians why I could tell that maybe you might be from
• 1:19
  somewhere else or something like that.
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  But I didn't really think much of it because I've actually had
• 1:23
  ironically quite a few Canadians on the show and their accents of
• 1:27
  Reigns, do you know? And I mean, it's normal, same in
• 1:31
  the UK. Men will be in South Africa.
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  Well, as you have like, different accents, depending on
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  where you're from, but yeah, I got to ask that's that's quite,
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  that's a massive change. In terms of climates culture,
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  everything, what prompted, your move from South Africa to
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  Canada? Or when did that happen?
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  Well, the big reason was safety to just move because I want, I
• 1:54
  want safety. I want to feel that I can sleep
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  in the evenings, and don't worry about the things.
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  So don't know if, you know, You're following the news in
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  South Africa. But yeah, it's unsafety right
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  now and we moved to Canada to secure a safer environment for
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  our children. So I have three daughters and
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  that's what we did. We did it eight years ago and
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  okay. Now, so we settled in we
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  Canadians now. So not not.
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  We haven't changed the accents yet we Canadians.
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  So was it much of a culture shock for you or I mean, how did
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  you guys kind of adjust to The no, no, you know, because it's
• 2:34
  still wasting World waste and V. I think if you had to emigrate
• 2:38
  to Thailand or something like that, where we have to use to
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  get to you, you get used to the food and all of that.
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  Know the only big difference here is that things is working.
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  This is a first world country thinks is working.
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  So if you go into a government institution, wow, you get help.
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  And fix is working, which is not the guys in South Africa.
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  Yeah, yeah. I got a I got a touch on this
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  real quick. Shout out to Buck much the coal
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  and so there's be. So yeah, I have friends in South
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  Africa and they tell me this stuff all the time that like
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  random the electricity goes out, or sometimes the internet just
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  goes out for no reason and my friends will often say like, oh
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  yeah. So for instance we've done video
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  calls with each other sometimes or like instance lives and
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  they'll be like I'll say to them o your internet speed off and
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  it's like oh yeah, they probably just turn the internet or For
• 3:32
  another. What looks like quite a normal
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  thing to do? Yeah, we call it load shedding
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  with the electricity and, and, you know, now you get two hours
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  and then somebody else don't get two hours of electricity
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  because, you know, Monday, mornings day, plants have to
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  start up and they saving up electricity over here.
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  It's okay. So, that's interesting.
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  So it's like a business thing business decision that the
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  companies make to save money of course.
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  Yes. Because there's no not
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  accompanies the electricity suppliers, right?
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  Is not enough electricity so they have to save it up.
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  And especially in winter months when there is, of course, a huge
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  demand for electricity. They don't keep their houses
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  warm with gas. There is no gas, it's just
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  electricity. So yeah, it's it's a government
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  decision. So anyway, I have electricity
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  24/7, hopeless. Awesome, awesome.
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  What before we before we move on, I just want to ask
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  obviously, you're currently living in Ontario, Canada.
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  So, what are the best and worst things about Ontario, Canada.
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  So I'm actually living listen to this.
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  I'm living in London is a province.
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  I'm living in London, Canada. So rich.
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  And and, and no changes. We have detains River year as
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  well. Do you really know?
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  Really hello. Okay with no initiative.
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  When the English people had emigrated year, they had just
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  recreated, the whole of England in Ontario's.
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  Is there anything over in? Because it's obviously as you
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  say, it's a very tiny Place. London in Canada, isn't it?
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  So it's like, is there anything that's reminiscent of that?
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  Or is it just a completely foreign Pace by comparison?
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  It just happens to have the same name.
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  It's these four hundred thousand people.
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  Yeah. But no.
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  Except from from that, there is no comparison.
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  It's way smaller than London. So we don't have to Queen here.
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  So although did we have the governor general who represents
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  the queen in Canada, but now besides that, there's millions
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  of trees where I'm living, we call it a Forest City.
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  So it which is the same as in London.
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  UK. So yeah.
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  But yeah. And and and We have a lot of
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  rain. We have a lot of rain in London,
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  where I stay so it's exactly is exactly my London.
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  Yeah, you're right. Let's get straight into your
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  work. So what, exactly.
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  I know, I kind of some of these questions are gonna be a bit
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  basic, but, you know, I really want to just get like, your
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  words, your interpretation. So what exactly are your
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  responsibilities as a A ship coach and how do you help
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  people? So, I want to say relationship.
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  Coaches / counselor. Okay, so I'm doing both.
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  So, let me just help you a little bit on that as well as
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  counseling is when you go back to the post and coaching in when
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  you're looking at the future. So, I feel that I cannot do the
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  one without doing the other one and I do have a psychology
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  degree and I'm doing counseling for the past 20 years.
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  So, I've recently like three years ago, only did my coaching
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  certification because I feel well they see something new and
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  I want to explore that. So but so my responsibility is
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  when you come to me and you have any issue with your relationship
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  I first of all go and look at. What is the issue here?
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  Is it you is it your partner? What is going on here?
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  So that's where I start off and then from there on we say all
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  right. How do we fix this?
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  Because we also have to accept that these different people in
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  the world and we're all different.
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  And I always say like we have different manuals that we live
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  by. So say for instance you are the
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  washer and I am the dryer. So we both have the same goal
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  and that is to clean the clothes, right?
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  So but I have a different function then you and we both
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  have the same goal, so the same in a relationship.
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  If you have both the same goal to live happily ever after, but
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  you two different people and you wired differently and you have
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  your manual which is started in your in your home.
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  The way that you have been raised by your parents, the
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  examples that you saw there. Now, some of that examples we
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  have to say, thank you know, that's not for me.
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  So In Sum we can adapt, you know, I had grew up in a
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  household where my parents when they were upset.
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  Talk to each other, like food weeks, sometimes.
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  Two weeks or more. You know, I did my mom will say,
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  tell your dad. We're going to eat.
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  You have to come to the table that come to the table.
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  So, so that is an example that I didn't want to carry through in
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  my own marriage. I'm married now for 26 years,
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  congrats, that's how I navigate it and then at the end of the
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  day. Okay, so this is the advice that
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  I can give you. You follow it.
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  This is the habits that I think you have to work on this list of
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  changes that I think you can make.
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  And really Christian, I make it sound very easy, but it is that
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  easy real. It is a relationship is easy,
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  just take yourself out of it, a little bit stand on this side,
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  see what's going on and do it and love each other.
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  What are the kind of most common problems that people tend to
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  come to you with and like what What would be obviously a con a
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  con sum up everything. But like what would be your kind
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  of initial response as far as like this is what you need to do
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  or that's what you need to do. So the biggest issue is trust
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  the same old. Same old.
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  We know this for many years trust.
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  So why don't we trust each other?
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  Why don't we just go in that direction and make the other
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  person trust you? And I'm talking about silly
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  things like Trust of phoning me when you light that's how it
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  start of silly things like that. So I trust that we have an
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  appointment at you. Will be Dave tonight at home at
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  5:00. So if you late just phone me.
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  So now I start building trust, I trust that you see where I'm
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  going with little small things, I don't talk about your about an
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  affair. That's something completely
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  different but I want to trust you, I want to know that if you
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  tell me that you're going to prepare food tonight that you
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  will do it small little things. And I start trusting you
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  because, you know, What? The first need of a woman is
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  security. And what is security?
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  Is that that trust that I know that you will love me forever.
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  And so it starts with that, that is a woman's first need.
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  And her first want is security. That's a really great Point as
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  well because one of the things I've really made sure to do in
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  the last couple of years is to make sure like my word.
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  Is my bond. I know that's like, a really
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  obvious thing to say, but it's true.
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  Like, if something really simple, like I will be there at
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  10:00 p.m. and then you show up at 10 p.m. because obviously, if
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  you just don't and then the person questions you and you
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  say, oh yeah, this came up, but you didn't have the respect to
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  say this, came up, I'm sorry or let them know ahead of time then
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  I suppose it's like you just don't have any respect for that
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  person, you know, like for instance, before, before we We
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  came on, we were talking about, you know, like basically I made
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  a mix up because I'm a silly fool and I thought that we were
• 11:50
  doing the podcast later and you, and you let me know what when we
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  were actually doing it as IR. Kate, no problem.
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  We'll do it at that time, right? And one of the things I said to
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  you straight away was no, I want to honor the original time
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  because I really, you know, I find it important to not waste
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  people's time. Like as I'm sure, you know,
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  You've encountered this quite often with podcasting and
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  peering on people shows and such some people really don't respect
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  people's time. I mean, I've had it, I've had
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  plenty of people know show and I never receive any correspondence
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  I've had situations where I'm due to appear.
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  Like there was one just this Sunday.
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  I was supposed to appear on someone's podcast nothing just
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  nervous. So can you see?
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  It's a small thing like that immediately.
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  Establish trust between you and me.
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  So if he's anything in the future that happen and I think
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  oh my gosh, I want to work with Christian on this thing.
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  You know, I already have a trust relationship with you.
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  So in the slime, in any relationship, if you tell me, I
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  will go and pick up at a grocery store of the work break.
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  Then do it, do it. I know sometimes it's
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  inconvenient but do it that person little things like that.
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  I started building the trust in a relationship which make me
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  immediately like like I liked you immediately because listen
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  because okay, I like you anyway because I'm watching your
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  Instagram and your tick-tocks and things like that.
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  That I enjoyed. See you had it right there.
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  That's an endorsement. Now, you need to go check it
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  out, good. But I like you because I can
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  trust you and That's how it work.
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  If you don't trust somebody immediately, you start not
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  liking somebody. So it's it's small little things
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  that you can build this easy easygoing relationship.
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  But what do you do? If, you know, you're going into
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  a relationship with someone who has trust issues.
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  So it's not the full of anyone in the relationship, it's, you
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  know, previous year, maybe it's the relationship with their
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  parents. Maybe it was the relationship
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  previous relationship, which ruined their bases for being
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  able to trust people. How do you overcome that?
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  Where do you start with that? Why do you want to go into a
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  relationship that you cannot trust somebody, right?
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  I get where you're coming for busy, you're coming at it from a
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  logical perspective, right? Which I'm totally there with
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  you. I'm like yeah I think you know
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  trust in a relationship is you can't what you kind of
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  relationship without trust but there are many people out there
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  that have trust issues. You know, I've been in
• 14:40
  relationships before where there were trust issues and I didn't
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  put make them that I wasn't Deciding factor behind, why?
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  There was a level of distrust there.
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  And those people told me it comes from, from my past from
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  other things, I've experienced. So, like, what do you do in
• 14:57
  those scenarios, that let's say a couple comes to you, and one
• 15:01
  of them has trust issues and the other one is trying to say,
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  look, I can't deal with this, this they don't.
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  Trust me, I've never given them anything.
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  A reason to not trust me, like how do you tackle tried, right?
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  Because of a previous girlfriend.
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  That Haven't you know in on time pad an affair or whatever they
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  say I get that so counseling because you have to know that
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  every other person is not the previous person is not, your
• 15:32
  parents is not your previous girlfriend boyfriend.
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  Whatever the case is, it's that Easter, it's not and you have to
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  go for counseling and it's easy as that, it will probably take
• 15:43
  one or two sessions and to over it.
• 15:46
  So and you can have this amazing wonderful relationship.
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  So if y'all don't that eyes, I'm telling you, it is the truth.
• 15:57
  We just have to. So why did yesterday thing?
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  What is a belief? Okay, so a believe is something
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  that is in your mind and that you hear or see over and over
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  and over and over again. So you're not going to trust
• 16:14
  somebody because you saw something.
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  Over and over and over again. So what do we need to do?
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  We need to reverse that belief and put something else more
• 16:24
  positive in your thinking, and in your head, which will make
• 16:28
  you believe. So what I will do when you come
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  to me is, I will ask you in your new relationship.
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  What is in that relationship that you don't trust that you
• 16:39
  cannot believe and that's how we start in fixing.
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  This and having a new belief in your mind that okay, I couldn't
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  trust the other person and it's unfair for me to take.
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  Do you to say to this person that I also know trusting you?
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  It's very unfair. So it's creating a new belief in
• 17:00
  your mind and then you thinking so really it's like one or two
• 17:03
  sessions and I can change that. So in a simple context is
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  basically like going from negative thinking to positive.
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  Thinking, you're trying to push that person into that more
• 17:14
  positive mindset. So like okay.
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  Okay. A up to your example.
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  If they don't trust their partner, you can say, well, tell
• 17:21
  me some positive things about your relationship right now and
• 17:24
  be like, okay, and you, maybe you can say things to them.
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  Like, or what? If this person never lets you
• 17:30
  down. If this person, I mean, this
• 17:33
  does person does this this and this for you and that denotes
• 17:37
  trust, that's an example of trust.
• 17:39
  As for example, with that example, you gave earlier with
• 17:42
  it. You said that all this person
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  always honors their meetings and they always You know,
• 17:47
  communicate with you and they always come through on their
• 17:50
  word. I guess that's like an example
• 17:52
  if that way you can help to establish that trust at least a
• 17:55
  small level and then help them to build up to that more area
• 17:59
  where they need to be so to speak, right?
• 18:02
  It's exactly what you're saying, is taking your negative beliefs
• 18:07
  and fill it up with some positive beliefs about the new
• 18:11
  person. So now I will go through with
• 18:14
  you and if you name examples that you We cannot trust this
• 18:17
  person in my question to, you will be and this is now if you
• 18:20
  if you're in a single relationship these different
• 18:22
  relationships, right? But if you're in a single
• 18:25
  relationship and you you just start it off, you're not married
• 18:28
  yet, you know, you don't. So then my question would be why
• 18:31
  do you want to be in a relationship with this person
• 18:34
  that you cannot trust? So perhaps the he's reasons why
• 18:37
  you cannot trust this person. So yeah, I can marriage a little
• 18:41
  bit more difficult, if there is reasons why you I trust this
• 18:47
  person. So yes then probably couples
• 18:49
  counseling. We need to do that so that I can
• 18:51
  understand why the other person act in an untrustworthy way.
• 18:56
  And what about when people cheat in a relationship?
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  Where do you start with that? So let's say a couple comes to
• 19:05
  you or a married couple or whatever.
• 19:07
  The case may be, maybe they one person's cheated on the other.
• 19:10
  Maybe they both cheated on the other whatever.
• 19:11
  Like so they've basically destroyed each other's trust my
• 19:14
  cheating on each other or one of them is cheated or something.
• 19:17
  Where do you go with that? Like do you think that it's
• 19:21
  salvageable or is it a case by case basis?
• 19:25
  Okay, yes, oh, yes, it's definitely solvable.
• 19:29
  So the thing is, was, This like a once off because sometimes you
• 19:36
  go through difficult times in your relationships really tough
• 19:41
  times. And in this, tough times can be
• 19:43
  four years one stage. You just need somebody else to
• 19:49
  listen to you. And that's how a relationship
• 19:52
  starts, that, that communication port.
• 19:55
  And so perhaps, that's the only reason why you have been in this
• 19:59
  other relationship. Because if you Had got
• 20:03
  everything out of your current relationship.
• 20:06
  He would have been no reason for you to have an affair, right?
• 20:10
  Because then you get everything in your in your current
• 20:13
  relationship. So but it is fixable you have to
• 20:18
  forgive, you have to move on, you have to fix what was wrong.
• 20:22
  So they have to be a few changes, you cannot just say,
• 20:25
  okay, yeah, I forgive you and we'd move on.
• 20:27
  No. They have to be a few changes
• 20:29
  because there was a reason why you Had an affair and all
• 20:34
  everything that was missing in your relationship.
• 20:37
  You have to bring that back and fix that up.
• 20:40
  But if it is your first and your forth Affair now get out of
• 20:45
  there. So one is okay we can fix that
• 20:50
  up. We all needed some stage in our
• 20:53
  lives, you know? Not all.
• 20:55
  But I mean if you're not in a good relationship, is this,
• 20:59
  there's something missing and you will probably find it with
• 21:02
  Somebody else, OK, this is a bit out there but bear with me.
• 21:07
  What if, what if you have one person in the relationship?
• 21:10
  Who's and by the way, for anyone thinking, who about me asking
• 21:14
  this question, I'm only asking out of curiosity, this is
• 21:16
  nothing to do with me, okay? So there's just we do it, we do
• 21:19
  it for the listeners, right. What one thing, one thing that
• 21:22
  I've read a lot about is how people can be like either
• 21:27
  serial, cheaters in relationships or just be Come
• 21:32
  on, I suppose like addicted to the idea of cheating, so it's
• 21:35
  not so much that they want to cheat on their partner.
• 21:37
  Like they could love their partner to bits and they just
• 21:39
  want to be with that person forever but they're so
• 21:43
  enthralled by the idea of cheating.
• 21:46
  You know, like they're so excited by that.
• 21:47
  Maybe maybe even, that's the only way that they can really
• 21:51
  find the frill that they're seeking as far as their relation
• 21:56
  romantic relationships are concerned.
• 21:58
  But what's the, what advice would you give to people that
• 22:01
  are in that kind of space? Space where they're still trying
• 22:03
  to figure out what kind of a relationship would work for
• 22:05
  them, and obviously, they almost kind of need to cheat and
• 22:09
  relationships. Hey, don't shoot be in a
• 22:14
  permanent relationship. I know a few people like that.
• 22:19
  Some clients that had come to me.
• 22:21
  You should not be in a fixed permanent relationship because
• 22:26
  you living on that and renal and throw that you get for being in
• 22:31
  love. Dane with six months is over and
• 22:34
  you don't have that fro anymore in.
• 22:36
  You think how I had fallen out of love?
• 22:38
  No, that is where the real deep romantic that amazing love comes
• 22:44
  in. So but people like that, they
• 22:46
  living on death row, you will probably see the day had done,
• 22:50
  some extreme sports, or always have something that I focus on.
• 22:54
  So, say they, they focus on just cycling and they will cycle.
• 23:00
  I crazy and it chiefy. And the next moment cycling is
• 23:03
  done and they put away their bikes forever and then the next
• 23:07
  new thing come and that is probably like climbing
• 23:10
  Kilimanjaro. Yeah.
• 23:12
  Normally type of person you know, that lives on and that
• 23:17
  excitement. So but now, they just have to
• 23:21
  never ever be in a permanent relationship.
• 23:23
  Just lived a life. Do what I need to do conquer
• 23:27
  girls. Leave them conquer girls to
• 23:29
  leave. Damon.
• 23:30
  And it's not my suggestion, but That's all they left.
• 23:33
  So this kind of leads me to my next question, what are your
• 23:37
  thoughts on on poly relationships?
• 23:40
  So remember the exact terminology but basically a
• 23:46
  no-go. Interesting, I'll go.
• 23:49
  Okay, why do you why do you think that?
• 23:51
  You mean like imagine having more than one woman?
• 23:55
  Why? So gloomy no with polyamorous, I
• 24:00
  believe is the term. That's that's just one of the
• 24:04
  terms. But basically, it's the type of
• 24:06
  relationships where both people in the relationship consent to
• 24:11
  the idea that they have multiple, maybe multiple sexual
• 24:14
  partners or they have more multiple at relationship, so
• 24:19
  interesting. Okay.
• 24:20
  See, you don't know how, how can get even work if you?
• 24:26
  Well, what hear me out. So using I'm very much a
• 24:32
  Alchemist type of person that like the I just I just can't
• 24:35
  like it would just break my heart like, but that's just me.
• 24:38
  Exactly. Here's the thing is the thing.
• 24:41
  That's just me personally. Like when I look at the logic of
• 24:45
  what these people are talking about it.
• 24:46
  And that's actually makes sense, because I can't remember the
• 24:50
  exact thing. So, obviously when I do the
• 24:52
  Clips later for this, and I get all the official names, I'll
• 24:55
  have it written out and everything, but there's two
• 24:57
  versions polyamorous this one and there's another Polly.
• 25:00
  So what one, Ali represents specifically sexual.
• 25:04
  So you'll have a relationship with a person, you know, a
• 25:08
  normal relationship but then you have different sexual partners,
• 25:11
  okay? And it's all consented.
• 25:13
  It's not like they find out later or anything like that.
• 25:15
  It's you both consent to that. You're both happy with that.
• 25:18
  The other one is where you have many relationships, but maybe
• 25:24
  that they're not, they're not sexual at all.
• 25:28
  It's just many relationships with different people for
• 25:30
  different things. I'm not so sure.
• 25:32
  Oh, how that one works. Like with the ins and outs, but
• 25:34
  that's basically the fundamentals behind it.
• 25:38
  So, the idea being that like, One person.
• 25:42
  Like if you take the sexual version like you just you can't
• 25:45
  be satisfied by one person. You need to be with lots of
• 25:48
  different people, but you still want to stay with that one
• 25:51
  person because you love them and like you're there for the
• 25:53
  relationship. So, I mean, it's interesting,
• 25:55
  you say that you don't think that those kind of relationships
• 25:58
  can work or, why do you think that?
• 26:01
  No, no, no, no. So we must remember dead.
• 26:06
  Marriage is coming from the Bible.
• 26:09
  That was where it was. Instituted.
• 26:12
  So and idea was to have one woman in this amazing
• 26:17
  relationship forever, love whatever.
• 26:20
  So how I cannot think to myself that my husband, which I'm
• 26:26
  married for 26 years, which we have this amazing relationship.
• 26:30
  I share everything with him. He knows my jeans and my out.
• 26:35
  I know his intent to a out. He's out.
• 26:37
  We have, we do a lot of things. Together and I don't want to say
• 26:41
  we do everything together because I have issue with that
• 26:44
  as well. You have to have your goal
• 26:45
  friends and so on. Yes.
• 26:47
  So yes, very important. But yeah.
• 26:51
  So I cannot think that I've seen them off tonight to another
• 26:56
  woman's bed and tomorrow morning.
• 26:59
  He walks in here and I'm lovey-dovey with him again.
• 27:03
  I will want to know everything that went on in that dreams but
• 27:07
  now and do also jokes beside I cannot I think that that is real
• 27:12
  intense. Deep love.
• 27:14
  The love that I feel for him is so intense and so amazing that I
• 27:22
  cannot think to share him with anybody else.
• 27:25
  And that's why jealousy comes in.
• 27:26
  You know, the Bible also talks about jealousy and envy.
• 27:30
  So we allowed to be jealous of people that we love we serve as
• 27:35
  well. A god that is jealous of us.
• 27:38
  But in these something else in this is I envy you that you
• 27:42
  drive a fancy car live in a fancy house, you know, half a
• 27:46
  wonderful sexy girlfriend, you know, all of that kinds of stuff
• 27:50
  that is Envy, but jealous. Yes, I am surely jealous of him
• 27:55
  because I don't want to share him with anybody else.
• 27:58
  He's mine, it's absolutely model given that we're talking about
• 28:02
  jealousy, I know, I imagine that this will kind of tie into what
• 28:06
  we were talking about with trust issues, but obviously jealousy
• 28:09
  is quite big. Common theme in relationships
• 28:12
  when you get people come to you with issues of Jealousy.
• 28:16
  What are your kind of tips and tricks for handling that in a
• 28:20
  relationship? How do you solve the issue of
• 28:23
  jealousy in a relationship? So with jealousy, dude.
• 28:28
  Okay, jealousy and envy is this crazy jealousy that you want
• 28:33
  that? You feel like I want to just
• 28:35
  lock her into her room and nobody's supposed to see you and
• 28:38
  to very get more More is controlling jealous, right?
• 28:43
  So, and that is very bad and and Manila bit manipulative, I never
• 28:48
  can say that word. And so, so that is not a good
• 28:52
  thing and for that is also some reasons why a person do that.
• 28:57
  And then there is a healthy jealousy and that one is like
• 29:01
  I've just explained like I don't want to share my husband with
• 29:05
  other women so but that's do. I allow him to have girlfriends?
• 29:10
  No, of course, if you want to, if you want to talk to women at
• 29:15
  a party or something, I will think nothing of it because I'm
• 29:17
  so secure in my relationship with him that I don't worry
• 29:22
  about that. I have friends that phone in and
• 29:26
  he's in HR and I have my friends that phone him and asking for HR
• 29:30
  advice and I don't mind that I don't care about that, you know,
• 29:35
  and the same from my side. I have men friends and that's
• 29:39
  okay, but we We not we so secure in our relationship and we don't
• 29:45
  try to make each other jealous. If he come to me and he will
• 29:47
  tell me that you don't like that.
• 29:49
  I talk to that guy or that guy, I will stop it immediately
• 29:53
  because I never ever want him to feel insecure in our
• 29:57
  relationship. Okay.
• 30:00
  Hypothetically Let's say that your husband says that, but the
• 30:05
  person that you're talking to, you know, is strictly work or
• 30:09
  like there's nothing to it. You know, that that's the case
• 30:12
  that there's nothing to it purely business, whatever the
• 30:14
  case may be, but he's still not comfortable with it.
• 30:17
  Do you not think that that's a bit of an issue that he needs to
• 30:20
  resolve and not you know, I understand that you're kind of
• 30:24
  right? Yeah.
• 30:26
  But I still feel like that's going into that - Tennessee
• 30:30
  area. You know me?
• 30:32
  Yes yes yes absolutely. So the next question is why is
• 30:37
  he feeling like that? Is it because I make him feel
• 30:40
  insecure, you know, or is it as you say something that is coming
• 30:45
  from his boss from previous relationships from whatever, you
• 30:50
  know that he is feeling that way?
• 30:52
  Or is it? Basically that he is a
• 30:54
  controlling person and want to take my whole life into his
• 30:58
  hands and want to, you know what I mean?
• 31:01
  It's just That's bad. This is go back to what you said
• 31:05
  before, about how, you know, it's you should be able to have,
• 31:10
  you know, Friends of the opposite sex and everything.
• 31:12
  And that should be fine or or same-sex, whatever the case may
• 31:14
  be, whatever your relationship is, you should be able to have
• 31:17
  friends and it not be an issue with your partner.
• 31:21
  So, to what we were talking about, like, You know, I've been
• 31:26
  in relationships like this where I've been told like, who I can
• 31:28
  and can't be friends with and back.
• 31:30
  Then I kind of accepted it. But but now I question it and if
• 31:34
  I was in a relationship now, I wouldn't I wouldn't accept that
• 31:37
  but you can't tell me who I can and can't be friends with.
• 31:40
  I just don't think that that's healthy because, you know, for
• 31:44
  me at least, this is just my personal belief, but I think it
• 31:46
  all boils down to that issue. With trust that you mentioned
• 31:51
  earlier that, you know, the base Foundation of a relationship.
• 31:54
  A ship is trust and if you truly trust your partner, then you
• 32:00
  will never, you know, question any kind of relationship they
• 32:04
  might have with a friend or something like that.
• 32:05
  Now don't don't get me wrong. If something is off, if you just
• 32:10
  sense that maybe they're cheating, maybe something's off
• 32:14
  then. Absolutely question it.
• 32:16
  I'm not, I'm not, I'm not saying don't question things but I
• 32:19
  don't think it's okay to tell your your significant other who
• 32:23
  they can and can't be friends. For like that or who they can
• 32:27
  and can't talk to, you know, like I mean, I think it's one
• 32:31
  thing. If like, for instance, let's say
• 32:32
  I was in a relationship and I'm having coffee, like, every week
• 32:37
  with like a female friend or something.
• 32:39
  I could understand why, like, my partner might be upset with that
• 32:43
  and like, especially if I'm not taking her out, but I'm taking
• 32:45
  this other person now. Like, that presents an issue,
• 32:48
  but if it's like, I don't know. They were work colleague or, you
• 32:53
  know, there's like another In for it or whatever the case may
• 32:56
  be, I would kind of expect my partner to be more understanding
• 33:00
  and trust me. Yeah, just trust me, you know,
• 33:04
  so you have a friend. Let's make this example, your
• 33:07
  coffee example, you have a friend, go friend, you go out
• 33:11
  with her every week. You have a coffee date
• 33:14
  Wednesdays. 3:00, same place. Now, you now you fall in love
• 33:19
  with this other woman, so why can you not stop?
• 33:24
  #Coffee dates Wednesday's 3:00. So, that's it, I'll stop you
• 33:30
  that. That's different.
• 33:32
  Because if I'm having coffee with a friend and then I somehow
• 33:37
  fallen in love with this other woman, then it becomes my
• 33:39
  responsibility to then make a decision either.
• 33:44
  I'm going to leave my partner, like go to her, tell her to her
• 33:47
  face, this in. I've fallen in love with another
• 33:50
  woman. I'm sorry, Bubba blah, this
• 33:53
  relationship must end. Or I'm going to break off the
• 33:57
  friendship and say, I want to stay with my partner.
• 34:00
  I'm sorry. You know, I'm getting feelings
• 34:03
  for you, and this isn't appropriate and end the
• 34:05
  friendship like that. To me, is that your two options
• 34:09
  now, obviously, other people will just maybe have the affair
• 34:13
  and not just ruin their life that way, and that's their
• 34:15
  decision. But that's a very that's a
• 34:18
  different example from from what I was talking about, you know
• 34:21
  what I mean? It's, yeah, I think, I think
• 34:22
  with that, that's a very clear-cut Vision, you're either
• 34:26
  choosing to show your partner. Respect or you're choosing to go
• 34:31
  somewhere else with it, you know.
• 34:33
  So but you just afraid with this friend.
• 34:37
  She's your school friend forever, right?
• 34:39
  Yeah. You have coffee.
• 34:42
  That's the thing that you do for our long ever.
• 34:45
  Now, you have another woman you fall in love and everything
• 34:49
  hunky-dory. So you can invite your
• 34:52
  girlfriend to this to the Scoffs he dates and say hey come and
• 34:56
  join us. If you I mean you should feel
• 34:58
  comfortable to do that but is no reason for you to break off a
• 35:03
  long friendship, you know, because that was a friendship.
• 35:08
  If you were to fall in love with her and made her, you love her,
• 35:11
  you would have done that a long time ago.
• 35:13
  I agree. Yes, it is a very fine line in
• 35:17
  this. But, you know, it's like also,
• 35:20
  how did you grow up? I had grew up with a lot.
• 35:24
  Of brothers. So for me to talk to men, they
• 35:27
  was for many my house, including my dad.
• 35:30
  So for me, it's easy relationship to have
• 35:34
  relationships with with me, you know.
• 35:36
  So, so yeah. Me and my husband, we had talked
• 35:39
  about that this week, is it? You know, it's easy for you to
• 35:42
  talk to me because I'm used to talking mean, that's how I grew
• 35:46
  up. That was my, that was my
• 35:47
  buddies. So I had played, there is some
• 35:51
  Crooks. Did you play tennis and Crooks
• 35:53
  in Island cut. So, again, terrorists,
• 35:57
  terrorists and Crooks we call it terrorism.
• 35:59
  Crooks, I think so, we played something similar called cops
• 36:03
  and robbers. I seem to recall, it's okay.
• 36:06
  Yeah, yeah, same thing. So we had played that so I had
• 36:10
  to play that I couldn't play. Oh wow, okay cool.
• 36:16
  Yeah I get it. Yeah.
• 36:19
  But anyway interesting topic very sensitive drop topic and
• 36:24
  Yeah, if you have issues with that I mean just going to a
• 36:28
  counselor, I think people hold back sometimes for too long and
• 36:32
  not resolving the issues, it's the same thing.
• 36:34
  Like when you have a pain, when you go to a doctor, you stop
• 36:38
  having a pain in your leg, she will because you want to know
• 36:42
  what's going on here. Something is wrong.
• 36:44
  So why? And then you go to the doctor
• 36:47
  and the doctor said, are, you know what, this is, this apple.
• 36:51
  It's a lot of little bit of inflammation, fix it up.
• 36:54
  What are you doctors say? Hey, this is cancer.
• 36:57
  It's stage one we can fix it. Get to chemo, or whatever.
• 37:00
  But stage for. Sorry, we have to put off your
• 37:03
  leg. So, so that's the same thing
• 37:06
  with a relationship, just go. Oh, we have if small issue here,
• 37:10
  go to counselor, just sort it out and go on with this
• 37:14
  wonderful relationship why waiting years, don't Things Fall
• 37:17
  Apart. It's like you go in to talk to a
• 37:19
  friend and you discuss it and somebody professional that knows
• 37:22
  what to do and easy peasy. We can have a wonderful amazing
• 37:26
  life, why struggle? So I don't get that.
• 37:32
  Obviously quite a few times in the in the conversation you've
• 37:35
  mentioned this this really long marriage as well as a
• 37:39
  congratulations. That's amazing. 26 years of
• 37:41
  marriage. Fantastic.
• 37:45
  What would you say are the biggest lessons that you've
• 37:47
  learned in your with throughout your marriage?
• 37:54
  Awk dog, dog, dog. And a little bit more talk.
• 38:00
  Now, my husband is not the talkative I'm the token is The
• 38:04
  Quiet One. But, but yeah, it's it's what
• 38:09
  you sign up for that. If you're in a marriage, that is
• 38:12
  the second need of a woman is open and honest, communication
• 38:17
  funny that it's never ever. One of the needs of men means
• 38:20
  needs is honor and respect sex. Friendship and then help he
• 38:27
  needs somebody to help him. You can see it, never pitch up
• 38:30
  in a minute, I don't want you to.
• 38:31
  But anyway, talk talk, talk it, really, it really, it's open and
• 38:38
  honest communication and say what it is.
• 38:40
  You know, we also like when we in an argument, it's like I'm I
• 38:45
  have the right to say what I feel and he has the right to say
• 38:51
  what you feel. Remember, we're two different
• 38:53
  people. With two different manuals.
• 38:56
  I don't want him to become the washer.
• 38:59
  If I am the washer, he's the dryer.
• 39:01
  He has another role to play in this relationship.
• 39:06
  So, and and the other thing is to forgive, I think a lot of
• 39:11
  times I had to say, okay, it is what it is and I forgive you,
• 39:16
  for whatever you had said or did wrong and continue from there.
• 39:21
  And we, we work on our A ship all the time Christian, we've
• 39:26
  never stopped working on it. So once a year, we going on some
• 39:31
  kind of marriage Retreat, even that I am a marriage.
• 39:34
  Counselor, we do that, we that weekend.
• 39:38
  We work on our marriage, that's what we do.
• 39:42
  And and if we need help with some issue with just going to a
• 39:45
  counselor one or two sessions, will resolve it and click
• 39:49
  continue the because it's it's like going to a dog.
• 39:54
  Here, it's like fixing up. What's going wrong yet?
• 39:57
  But doesn't look, so create a conflict of interest for you.
• 39:59
  Personally given that you know, you have this extensive career
• 40:02
  as a relationship coach and counselor to then see another
• 40:06
  one yourself. Do you know find yourself
• 40:07
  sitting there being like? Well that's not how I would do
• 40:10
  that. I do that sometimes.
• 40:15
  You know what, I tried to go in there with the fing of I am just
• 40:20
  an attendee I'm just going to take whatever is Here and
• 40:24
  whatever written in this book and follow it to the T.
• 40:28
  And I always take something back from that I use in my own
• 40:31
  practice. So, but I use it, I've go in
• 40:35
  there and we do it and we do all the exercises.
• 40:38
  We don't think. Oh, what do I still have to do
• 40:42
  this again? Yes, we doing it.
• 40:45
  And you know what's interesting? Sometimes we go into those
• 40:48
  weekends and I think we don't have any issue and then
• 40:52
  something is popping up because Life is dynamic, right?
• 40:56
  It's like now at this stage, go with it.
• 41:00
  So all my kids from University had moved back into the house.
• 41:05
  So he's a new dynamic in our house.
• 41:07
  So my husband will always work for from home.
• 41:12
  He's back in the house, every day, we all back in the house,
• 41:16
  five people. So it's life is dynamic.
• 41:19
  You've been challenged by new issues, new problems every day.
• 41:23
  And Can you relationship handily sometimes?
• 41:26
  Not because you never ever experienced covid before, you
• 41:31
  know? So it's yeah.
• 41:33
  So it's it's your eyes always something that you can work on,
• 41:37
  to make it more perfect. okay, but what point do you kind of
• 41:46
  Realize. If maybe something's not going
• 41:50
  well because obviously I know, you know, you're a religious
• 41:55
  person. You really believe in marriage
• 41:57
  and everything. I get that I get where you're
• 41:58
  coming from and that I know that there's a narrative that, you
• 42:01
  know, in a marriage. You know, you work for all these
• 42:04
  things just like in a normal relationship, you work through
• 42:07
  these things, you keep working on it.
• 42:08
  But obviously there Comes A Time, there comes a point in
• 42:10
  certain relationships where that's just not possible, you
• 42:13
  know, it's just not working, it's not compatible, there's
• 42:17
  something. And you just need other people.
• 42:20
  Maybe you are garbage other you know me they could be a million
• 42:22
  different things. How do you find that point?
• 42:25
  How do you know I guess when to walk away that makes sense.
• 42:31
  So I will not walk a bit way without seeing a counselor.
• 42:37
  I will not do that. The reason for that is
• 42:40
  sometimes, you're so into your own head into your own stories
• 42:45
  and lies that you tell yourself, but somebody else.
• 42:49
  That's objective can see. But okay, what is really going
• 42:52
  on you? And Some perspective into this
• 42:56
  situation. So sometimes it's a little tweak
• 43:00
  of just being kind. Kindness is my first thing that
• 43:04
  I always proclaimed to people. But yes, sometimes you have to
• 43:09
  walk away and I give that advice as well.
• 43:11
  I'm currently busy with one of my clients.
• 43:14
  It take, please get out of here. There's no way that you can fix
• 43:18
  it. There is like Affairs and money
• 43:23
  issue. Shoes and everything else going
• 43:25
  on alcoholism. So there's no way that that can
• 43:29
  be fixed. So but this first of all, go to
• 43:34
  a counselor and make sure what you think in your mind is going
• 43:38
  on. That that is really the case
• 43:40
  because we can, we tell ourselves all these stories,
• 43:43
  right? That's how we work from from our
• 43:46
  backgrounds in situations where people are in abusive
• 43:50
  relationships, whether that's physical or mental.
• 43:53
  Or anything else in between, where do you start with people
• 43:57
  like that? You know, I for instance, I've
• 43:59
  been speaking to someone recently, who was in an abusive
• 44:02
  relationship and, you know, I was really pushing them to get
• 44:06
  away from it. And I was really just trying to
• 44:08
  say as much kind of shockworthy stuff to make them realize like,
• 44:12
  hey, you're wasting your time. You need to get away from this
• 44:15
  person. You know that.
• 44:16
  I was really pushing that message and I think it worked
• 44:18
  for the most part, so success. But when you get those people
• 44:21
  come to you in a Enough capacity and you can clearly see the
• 44:27
  abuse their or okay. Maybe a better example, a couple
• 44:31
  comes in to see you and you can tell that maybe the guy is
• 44:37
  abusing the woman. Maybe not physically, but maybe
• 44:39
  because I think that physical physicality, why?
• 44:42
  It's horrible and it's awful. I feel like it's not as damaging
• 44:46
  as mentally and obviously it can be but like, mentally.
• 44:51
  It's always much more challenging because Belief
• 44:54
  systems get stuck in someone's head, you know, like the person
• 44:57
  drives down the person's sense of self-worth or they make them
• 45:01
  believe that they make them scared to do things.
• 45:05
  They make them scared to walk away.
• 45:06
  Like I guess what I'm? I guess.
• 45:09
  What I'm asking you is firstly how do you identify that as a
• 45:12
  professional coach and counselor?
• 45:15
  And secondly how do you go about handling that once you've kind
• 45:20
  of identified that that's that's the case.
• 45:24
  So, answering the last question. First with five words?
• 45:29
  Get out of there immediately. So, get out of there
• 45:35
  immediately. Nobody deserve it to be abused
• 45:39
  physically, mentally, nothing like that.
• 45:42
  So on your first question it's we trained to identify?
• 45:46
  Did we look at certain things? We listen to certain things.
• 45:49
  I mean, I'm doing this for 20 years already.
• 45:53
  So I'm so drained and and I can win a couple walking it don't
• 45:58
  take me too long to identify what the issues is.
• 46:02
  Is because I'm trying to do this.
• 46:05
  I'm doing it, experience, everything else but get out of
• 46:09
  there and you know what, one out of nine men in America.
• 46:15
  It physically abused, that's interesting.
• 46:19
  It is right. So yeah, they've been beaten up
• 46:23
  as well, so it can go the other way around as well.
• 46:27
  But what are those telltale signs a couple walks into your
• 46:30
  office? How do you know?
• 46:32
  How can you tell? Because sometimes it's not
• 46:33
  always that obvious, you know? Like, like I, for instance, the
• 46:38
  obvious, it's very obvious, okay?
• 46:40
  But so obvious, let's take a look.
• 46:42
  So you got you go first after you for years to thing.
• 46:50
  Do you see how I sit? I sit up straight.
• 46:55
  I'm not like one that. I mean, it wouldn't make sense
• 46:59
  for you to do that notice. But but like, Right.
• 47:03
  Okay. But let's see.
• 47:06
  If that couple walks in and They don't immediately appear to
• 47:13
  present that because obviously people want to present the best
• 47:15
  case thing if they got to counseling coaching.
• 47:17
  I mean it's not a nice scenario to be in because in a way you
• 47:22
  are being judged you know, mean you're being judged by the
• 47:24
  Council of Coach lot. Obviously not judged in it in a
• 47:27
  mean way but to you it's going to feel like what they're
• 47:29
  analyzing me, they're dodging my behavior.
• 47:31
  I need to put on the best kind of version of myself.
• 47:34
  So if you are being mentally abused by someone, It might not
• 47:40
  be as easy to identify that genomic because I've seen it in
• 47:43
  relationship. Sometimes it's like really
• 47:44
  subtle. It could be something as simple
• 47:47
  as like, the man, every now, and again, just kind of Stops, a
• 47:53
  particular trailer for the woman's, you know, putting out
• 47:56
  there or whatever, you know what I mean.
• 47:57
  It's like maybe she's trying to say something he's not on and
• 48:00
  and then he just carries on like gas lighting, for example,
• 48:03
  really. I guess that's what I'm driving
• 48:05
  at it with. This is like how do you deal
• 48:07
  with things like that, gas lighting and and helping people
• 48:11
  to get through that like for instance in a scenario like that
• 48:14
  would you kind of work to try and get that one of the people
• 48:17
  the person is being abused like alone and then you can kind of
• 48:21
  do Communicate, I'll let me just yo, let me stop your immediately
• 48:25
  there. So when a person is abused, the
• 48:30
  person will not say something in front of the abusive because
• 48:35
  they know they will getting abused again.
• 48:37
  Either with their words or beaten up or what the case is.
• 48:42
  So for me, how I do is, what I do is I have normally I have
• 48:48
  these Retreats couple Retreats if you go to my website.
• 48:51
  You will see there. I have couple Retreats so in the
• 48:54
  beginning of the retreat, I only see the person's separately, the
• 48:59
  individuals separately. So women separately.
• 49:03
  I see the man separately a year from both of them.
• 49:07
  What is the issues? Now again she if she's been
• 49:12
  abuse, let's use the normal way. If she's been abused, she will
• 49:16
  not probably tell me but I will know it, but the questions are
• 49:21
  all. Asked way, she's on touring it.
• 49:23
  Remember, I'm trying to do this. So, and, and then I will talk to
• 49:28
  the husband. And then only after I understand
• 49:31
  the total issue year, then I will bring them together into a
• 49:35
  room and we will resolve issue by issue by issue and that's how
• 49:40
  we do it. I call it my make-it-or-break-it
• 49:43
  weekend after that weekend you know you know if this is going
• 49:48
  to work or not work, I know normal counseling is Week after
• 49:53
  week of the week. But what I found with that is,
• 49:55
  he's way too much time in between that you don't see,
• 49:59
  somebody six days, you can have a few fights in six days.
• 50:04
  So in a weekend we tackle it. We do it.
• 50:08
  We get it over and done with it. That's the way I prefer it.
• 50:13
  Obviously you mentioned. He began to talk about some
• 50:16
  telltale signs, one of them being a person's posture.
• 50:18
  But there are there any other sort of telltale signs that Give
• 50:21
  it away. So yes, the way they talk, you
• 50:26
  can know, if somebody is putting up a show, if I'm sitting here
• 50:31
  and I talk to you like this Christian, you will understand
• 50:35
  that I am in my holy mode right now, you know.
• 50:38
  So you can see you when I'm natural and when I'm not it's
• 50:42
  like some postcards as well, you know, a person is like, oh my
• 50:46
  God, this is so so unnatural this is really not you but you
• 50:50
  know how I am right now. This is Exactly the way I use
• 50:53
  this is the way I coach and and that's exactly with people, as
• 50:57
  well. You know, when a person is not
• 51:01
  giving you they all now, in the beginning, remember, it's very
• 51:05
  difficult to open up. So the first hour or so, a
• 51:08
  person will really struggle, but that's where my job come in.
• 51:12
  To make that person feel calm and relaxed, like, okay, you
• 51:15
  just talking to a friend to start trusting me, building a
• 51:18
  trust relationship with that person.
• 51:20
  And then they will start opening up by me.
• 51:22
  Asking the right questions and building the trust relationship.
• 51:26
  What would you say about the biggest relationships between?
• 51:32
  people bought people that have relationships in South Africa
• 51:35
  and then people in Canada, like what the biggest difference is
• 51:38
  there I don't think this any difference is anywhere in the
• 51:45
  world. No even is love.
• 51:48
  Not even a culturally of course we but we handle it.
• 51:53
  Different cultures you know? You get like the tribes who have
• 51:57
  different relationship. The Ramones have different
• 52:00
  relationships. Oh yes, culturally.
• 52:02
  But love is love and is this basic natural laws in the world
• 52:10
  how to handle laughs? You have Trust I'm sitting how
• 52:13
  many thousand kilometers from you both understand what
• 52:17
  trustees we both understand what the affair.
• 52:20
  He's so and we both understand what is love that total
• 52:25
  immersion in this amazing feeling?
• 52:28
  Let me frame the question. Another way then If you get
• 52:33
  different scenarios where, you know this let's take religion as
• 52:38
  an example, okay? Obviously in some religions,
• 52:40
  it's strict rules on the relationship than others and
• 52:45
  presumably. You must get lots of different
• 52:46
  types of people come to you from my different backgrounds,
• 52:49
  different cultural beliefs and so on and so forth.
• 52:51
  Like how do you kind of navigate that, you know mean like it how
• 52:55
  do you kind of get around those kind of Differences Nation ships
• 53:03
  from starting with the Viewpoint.
• 53:05
  We all have our own manual that we live by, so it's not for me
• 53:10
  to judge your relationship. It's for me to make sure that
• 53:14
  you follow the basic rules of a relationship.
• 53:18
  So I don't judge you. So I had a client that the wife
• 53:25
  State on the top floor, each state at the bottom floor, they
• 53:29
  both have kitchens everything in their houses.
• 53:32
  Oh wow. So yeah, it rather so do you
• 53:37
  yes. So you see it's not for me to
• 53:40
  judge. No, no, I would, I wouldn't
• 53:42
  judge them ever. I just find Tristan like works
• 53:45
  for them or not work for them but because it sounds funny for
• 53:49
  me, living in the same house as my husband or 99.5 percent of
• 53:54
  people living like that. So for these people, they said
• 53:58
  we're both professionals. We need space.
• 54:01
  So the kitties out of the house. So let's get this to work
• 54:06
  because we want to stay married forever.
• 54:08
  So the workout when I need my space, I need to be my own
• 54:11
  place. I need to get home, wind down,
• 54:14
  I'm they were so, and then just do what I have to do and they
• 54:19
  visit each other and sneak up to each other's room sometimes in
• 54:23
  the evening seduce, each other. So so we can't quite be fun.
• 54:28
  It's like going to your Your neighbor's door and yeah.
• 54:32
  So so I are you different kinds of stories but at the end of the
• 54:38
  day, this basic rules they trust each other.
• 54:42
  They loved each other and I respect each other like talk to
• 54:46
  each other. They have fun together.
• 54:48
  Remember, we're not in the old times anymore, if you think
• 54:51
  about the old times where what is that?
• 54:54
  Bridget in the move? The show on Netflix Bridget.
• 54:59
  And Right Richardson. He said, yes.
• 55:02
  If you say it's alright, you pronounce you didn't this way.
• 55:06
  I don't have any idea what this show is but you have to go and
• 55:10
  watch it. It's a romantic or.
• 55:13
  Okay. I think it's easy, easy English.
• 55:15
  Oh and anyway, so Woman married there because they couldn't look
• 55:20
  after themselves in that times. They remarried to really
• 55:24
  survive. That was the only way to survive
• 55:27
  is to get married and I'd have a man that look off to you but
• 55:31
  nowadays, women don't marry for that reason anymore.
• 55:35
  You know, we want to have fun. We want to feel loved.
• 55:38
  Hmm, no, no, I totally get where you're coming from on that.
• 55:43
  I must say, I really do agree with this concept and this is
• 55:47
  something I've learned in my twenties as well for a long
• 55:50
  time. I had this idea that like, I
• 55:53
  need a relationship because, you know, I need to fill that hole
• 55:56
  that empty void, you know, that depression aggressive.
• 55:59
  And then I realized actually the issue was that I just wasn't
• 56:02
  happy and I needed to address that.
• 56:04
  But what Ivory has I personally need and this is what I'm
• 56:08
  looking for. One day in the relationship is
• 56:11
  basically like a someone who is as independent as I am someone
• 56:16
  who like, you know, respects when I need my space.
• 56:21
  They need their space. We have like different lives,
• 56:24
  but we share a life together as well, if that makes sense.
• 56:28
  Like, I think that's so important, like, like, I don't
• 56:32
  understand these couples and I'm not trying to be judgmental
• 56:35
  here, but I guess I am being over.
• 56:38
  Don't understand those couples that need to like be together
• 56:42
  every waking moment of the day and like be I just, I don't get
• 56:46
  that, I don't understand, cannot I cannot, I cannot my life is
• 56:52
  one of the things that I need to start doing with with couples is
• 56:55
  I'm doing the wheel of life. So we love life.
• 56:58
  I gave you 10 aspects of your life, which is health career,
• 57:02
  family, friends, and all of that kind of fee, and a relationship
• 57:06
  just make out a little A small piece of that.
• 57:09
  So you have nine other things that you have to work on and
• 57:14
  your relationship. So 10 things in total, to make
• 57:17
  your complete person, my spiritual life, you know,
• 57:20
  although that me and my husband go to church together, but my
• 57:23
  relationship with God is something that I have to work on
• 57:27
  something that you have can work on my career is something that I
• 57:30
  work on something that he works on.
• 57:33
  So, life is exactly as you say, to full of A little, a lot of
• 57:39
  aspects and a lot of time mentions.
• 57:43
  So so how can this person be the full cake?
• 57:48
  It's only it's a small portion or Brody complete you and fill
• 57:53
  in and live with you in the other areas.
• 57:57
  Like I mean Jim my husband is going to church with me.
• 57:59
  My health issues is my issues if I don't want to run or walk or
• 58:04
  exercise, it's my issue. But I like to Go on a walk with
• 58:08
  him, you hear what I'm saying? But it's my thing.
• 58:12
  So yeah, so I completely agree with you.
• 58:16
  What do you do in scenarios? Where your professional life is
• 58:22
  getting in the way of your relationship or vice versa.
• 58:25
  Maybe your relationship is a too overbearing and it's interfering
• 58:28
  with your work life. Like, I guess what I'm saying
• 58:30
  is, how do you achieve that balance?
• 58:32
  Like cuz sometimes it's going to happen.
• 58:34
  Sometimes work is too much and you just don't have your time.
• 58:36
  The time being No, or maybe, you know, I don't know.
• 58:40
  One, one person in the relationship is going through a
• 58:42
  difficult time. So you're having to be there
• 58:44
  more. And it means you're neglecting
• 58:46
  your work. Like, how do you deal with those
• 58:48
  scenarios? Right?
• 58:50
  Right. And isn't that the scenario of
• 58:54
  our times? That is the thing.
• 58:57
  It is what happenings we spend. So much time working and
• 59:02
  prioritize our work over our relationship now.
• 59:07
  Christian, every scenario is different.
• 59:10
  If this is your livelihood and you're going to get fired, I'm
• 59:14
  not the one that will be able to tell you, hey, spent less time
• 59:18
  at work. That's that's difficult.
• 59:22
  So really every scenario is something that I look into and
• 59:27
  say okay where can we make a little bit of adjustments that
• 59:31
  can work for the wife or the husband to feel that they still
• 59:35
  important although that you spend?
• 59:37
  Sixty or seventy percent of your time at work.
• 59:41
  So then there is cases where work is Escape Route.
• 59:46
  I don't want to be at home. I just want to be at work, so,
• 59:49
  so that's the other thing. But who am I to judge?
• 59:53
  If you, if you are somebody that have to work two jobs to just
• 59:57
  feed your family and, you know, so and then I will probably
• 1:00:02
  start with the thing of getting the wife to appreciate the
• 1:00:06
  husband. To say hey thank you, my dear.
• 1:00:09
  Did you work so hard to provide for us?
• 1:00:13
  What do you do in scenarios where people are from different
• 1:00:17
  faiths? So let's say you've got like a
• 1:00:19
  Christian person in the Muslim person or a sick person and
• 1:00:24
  Hindu, something like that where there might be potentially a
• 1:00:26
  conflict of interest. Like how would you approach
• 1:00:29
  that? So so so difficult really so
• 1:00:34
  difficult but I saw a And again, not for me to judge at all.
• 1:00:40
  You can fall in love with anybody so but it's really,
• 1:00:44
  really difficult. So here is where respect come
• 1:00:47
  in. I have to respect your
• 1:00:50
  viewpoints. Remember we have different
• 1:00:52
  manuals with different people. So if your religion is of the
• 1:00:58
  same base as mine, it is easy to navigate through that.
• 1:01:02
  If I believe like Christian religion is love, is is He's or
• 1:01:08
  everything. And if you have the same
• 1:01:11
  Viewpoint in your religion, it's easy to navigate through that.
• 1:01:15
  I just have to respect you. With probably will not go to the
• 1:01:18
  same churches. We will probably serve
• 1:01:20
  differently, but devices, and the values is the same, it's
• 1:01:26
  okay, but it's where you get the real, the real big differences
• 1:01:31
  that cannot work. It cannot do you think that's
• 1:01:38
  purely because The religions are just too restricted.
• 1:01:43
  I mean okay. I guess what I'm trying to say
• 1:01:45
  is like That's a real test of let your faith versus how much
• 1:01:54
  you want the relationship to work.
• 1:01:55
  Is it not? Because I mean if you really
• 1:01:58
  wanted the relationship to work, you'd find a way around it, you
• 1:02:01
  know? I mean, you'd all you'd be, I
• 1:02:04
  don't know, maybe less devout in your particular religion, you
• 1:02:07
  know, because there are different levels, of course,
• 1:02:10
  right? And and again, you know, I can I
• 1:02:13
  can get method. I can fall in love with
• 1:02:16
  somebody. That is it on the other side of
• 1:02:20
  the extreme? Christian's, you know, that feel
• 1:02:23
  that probably have to kill or whatever they have to do, or
• 1:02:29
  lift together with lots of women or something like that.
• 1:02:33
  That's not my values. It's all about the values.
• 1:02:37
  If you even like, if you Muslim is also different Muslims, it's
• 1:02:42
  like, you're you like normal, but inside it and then you get
• 1:02:48
  Isis, you know, it's like, Faith.
• 1:02:52
  But is that the same values? Definitely not.
• 1:02:55
  So it's all about the values at the end of the day and respect
• 1:03:00
  for each other. I have to respect you for a lot
• 1:03:03
  of things that is different. I'm in my employ in your
• 1:03:07
  relationship in my marriage. I have to respect my husband for
• 1:03:10
  a lot of things that he thinks different than I do, and that's
• 1:03:15
  okay because it keeps it interesting and it makes him his
• 1:03:18
  own person which I love And do. And I've learned to love that he
• 1:03:24
  loves more, I cannot even watch a war movie Christian.
• 1:03:29
  He knows everything about every war in the whole world.
• 1:03:32
  So I can't watch a horror movie. There's no love in that.
• 1:03:36
  So, I love War. I love War.
• 1:03:45
  I love war horse. So, I've had some questions from
• 1:03:58
  some of my viewers and I'm not so familiar with this.
• 1:04:01
  So, first of all, are you familiar with the be ACP and the
• 1:04:06
  CCPA? That's my first question.
• 1:04:10
  What is that? Why?
• 1:04:11
  That deserves wonder? If you could help me on that?
• 1:04:13
  They're basically as I understand like different
• 1:04:17
  personality types. No, and I think it's
• 1:04:20
  institutions within the sphere of counseling and coaching.
• 1:04:24
  As I understand one of them is possibly from Canada and the
• 1:04:28
  other is from another region in the world, but there's no point
• 1:04:33
  if you're not familiar with them, we can just move on from
• 1:04:35
  that. That's not important.
• 1:04:36
  Let's move on. Let's go.
• 1:04:39
  Talk about love. So, which theories or approaches
• 1:04:44
  to relationship, counseling, do you tend to use?
• 1:04:47
  Is there any light popular ones that you subscribe to any
• 1:04:50
  particular techniques, anything like that?
• 1:04:53
  So, I am registered and a relationship counseling
• 1:04:57
  Institute coaching Institute. So, in the actually sickled in
• 1:05:02
  Seattle, okay, I'm registered with them but my, my coaching
• 1:05:09
  and counseling, Being is strictly based on everything
• 1:05:12
  that is biblical. So if the Bible say you have to
• 1:05:15
  have respect for your for your partner, or your husband, then
• 1:05:19
  that's how I believe. If your Bible say you have to
• 1:05:21
  love them. Unconditionally forgive them,
• 1:05:24
  70s times, 7 times, that's what I believe the Bible say.
• 1:05:28
  You have to get out of the abusive relationship, that's
• 1:05:31
  what I believe. And that's how I handle it.
• 1:05:34
  So, and I start off with kindness, that's my big thing
• 1:05:38
  because with Kyle Is, you can fix everything in the world, you
• 1:05:43
  know, we are just before we had started up, we had talked about
• 1:05:47
  your volunteering, and I'm also very involved in volunteering,
• 1:05:51
  and it's like that kindness that we spread.
• 1:05:55
  And yeah. So so for me, it's all the
• 1:05:58
  biblical principles that we're I'm what I'm doing.
• 1:06:01
  You get clients that are not religious.
• 1:06:04
  Yes, yes. All the time but there's the
• 1:06:07
  same rules for everyone. Relationship the same rules as I
• 1:06:12
  mentioned before we love to same.
• 1:06:14
  You, if you, if you're not religious, you do want respect
• 1:06:19
  in your relationship. You do want trust in your
• 1:06:22
  relationship. You don't want to be abused, you
• 1:06:25
  know. So, so it's the same principles
• 1:06:28
  everywhere in the world. What would you say are some of
• 1:06:32
  your sort of biggest success cases when it comes to your
• 1:06:35
  career in relationship coaching and counseling likes a
• 1:06:39
  particular one? Stand out for you as far as
• 1:06:41
  where you took a be a failing relationship or something that
• 1:06:45
  seemed like boomed and you were able to sort of transform it.
• 1:06:50
  Now, all relationships that come to me.
• 1:06:52
  Feels like do me for me. But that's not the case.
• 1:07:08
  So I'm thinking back of this couple and I were married like
• 1:07:13
  for 20 years and then the wife found out that their husband
• 1:07:20
  actually had an affair for the past 10 years.
• 1:07:26
  Yes, how do you keep it secret for danger?
• 1:07:30
  Yeah, that's commitment. That's that must be serious
• 1:07:34
  offense and he had stayed in the marriage because of of the kids
• 1:07:40
  you want the kids to go out of the house and all of that.
• 1:07:44
  So anyway, for me, it was to go back, 20 years back.
• 1:07:49
  He said, all right, why did you fall in love?
• 1:07:52
  What at change in the meantime and through this Time and
• 1:07:57
  because your Dynamic, your personality, develop as well,
• 1:08:00
  you have kids life happened to you.
• 1:08:03
  So what happened in that in that time and what is it now that you
• 1:08:07
  can love in this person. So now I must tell you.
• 1:08:11
  You did, leave this relationship of 10 years because it 10-year
• 1:08:15
  relationship is also like a 10-year marriage.
• 1:08:17
  They must be issues there as well, right?
• 1:08:20
  So and yeah, and they still happily married and I think it's
• 1:08:25
  now like Probably 50 years, okay, but I got a pro be more
• 1:08:30
  here. Like, how his obviously?
• 1:08:34
  Imagine the wife found out about the affair.
• 1:08:36
  She's confronted by my gosh, right?
• 1:08:39
  So, like, how did you convince her to forgive him?
• 1:08:43
  And begin, that sort of recovery process like where do you start
• 1:08:47
  with that? It's forgiveness.
• 1:08:52
  Take a while to bring back. Now I have to build trust back
• 1:08:57
  in the relationship. It's start with small things.
• 1:09:00
  She needs to see his cell phone and have the force code on his
• 1:09:08
  cell phone. He have to be very open and
• 1:09:10
  honest. Now she will not trust him when
• 1:09:14
  he tell her I'm late for work, you know, he will probably have
• 1:09:17
  to take his cell phone but On FaceTime and show her around.
• 1:09:22
  I'm really in my office. It's stupid little things like
• 1:09:26
  that. That will start building the
• 1:09:27
  trust now. So he wanted years to other
• 1:09:31
  thing, you wanted to work on the marriage of the, I had talked to
• 1:09:37
  him and explain to him. What is the two scenarios you
• 1:09:40
  stay with the one or your stay with the other one?
• 1:09:43
  The one scenario sound way better the 20 years then the 10
• 1:09:47
  years, so it is It's really as a starting with small trust and
• 1:09:55
  two years. Christian, two years is the
• 1:09:57
  minimum that it will take for you to build that draws.
• 1:10:00
  A lot of people is in a hurry. So my question to her was also
• 1:10:06
  If you can have an amazing marriage with this guy that you
• 1:10:10
  had fallen in love with and that you thought you married to
• 1:10:15
  again, what two years, be okay for you to wait that out and to
• 1:10:21
  answer was yes, I will work for two years and I had that see
• 1:10:25
  them constantly really. I saw them very frequently for
• 1:10:30
  two years. For that two years.
• 1:10:34
  The first counseling was really intense, that was over a
• 1:10:38
  weekend. And then after that, I saw them
• 1:10:41
  through that, two years in the beginning, I saw them like
• 1:10:44
  weekly after that. We can because they needed to
• 1:10:47
  work on quite a lot of stuff. And after that, it reduced like
• 1:10:51
  once a month once every two months.
• 1:10:53
  So yeah. But through that two years, I
• 1:10:55
  saw him till they had come and say, okay, I'm good.
• 1:10:59
  What advice could you give to people that are aiming to
• 1:11:01
  become? I should coaches or counselors.
• 1:11:08
  First of all, you have to ask the relationship that you can
• 1:11:11
  prove that it works because I think it go through the turmoil
• 1:11:17
  of a relationship and a hardship of a relationship.
• 1:11:21
  It's like, if you read on my website and everywhere and my
• 1:11:26
  book and everything is, I'm talking about the struggles that
• 1:11:29
  me and my husband went through. So so I think one of the things
• 1:11:34
  is to really experience it in real life.
• 1:11:37
  Let me give you an example. If I asked you to become a
• 1:11:42
  person that helped women experiencing birth pains.
• 1:11:49
  So I'm not sure if you will be good at that.
• 1:11:52
  Christian, you've never experienced birth pains.
• 1:11:55
  Do you start giving birth? I don't know.
• 1:11:58
  Life is life is pain. Does that count?
• 1:12:07
  Do you see what I mean? It's like it's like you go to a
• 1:12:13
  guy that tell you come to me and we both billion dollar business
• 1:12:18
  and Danny arrives there with the old car don't have an office
• 1:12:23
  it's like okay you know so so I think that's important to have a
• 1:12:29
  relationship that works for you. You do have relationship coaches
• 1:12:34
  that just focusing on Singles but for me and Mike I'm focusing
• 1:12:38
  on marriages. So I know exactly the
• 1:12:42
  difficulties that you experience day-to-day dynamics that happen.
• 1:12:46
  Like I say something happened. Your husband loses job tomorrow
• 1:12:50
  morning and wow. What did, what did I namak
• 1:12:53
  change in our house. So it's all of that.
• 1:12:57
  So yeah. So did that get certified?
• 1:13:02
  I don't believe in these coaches to just pop up everywhere right
• 1:13:06
  now. And say oh I'm a coach no, get
• 1:13:10
  certified know your things especially when you work.
• 1:13:14
  I think probably for weight loss or something like that.
• 1:13:17
  It can work but you and you were with people's psychological
• 1:13:22
  Minds, you have to know what's going on there.
• 1:13:26
  It's, you have to know the way that people think the way the
• 1:13:29
  brain works and and all of that. So so you're in my case, I have
• 1:13:34
  a psychology degree. I'm doing this for 20 years.
• 1:13:38
  And I've recently three years ago, that my certification and I
• 1:13:44
  already had done two certifications and I'm going to
• 1:13:47
  do another one because I want to teach myself the whole time and
• 1:13:50
  keep up-to-date about new discoveries of new things
• 1:13:53
  happening. So I'm interested actually just
• 1:13:56
  tying into this because obviously people want to know
• 1:13:58
  how you got into it originally. So as you said growing up, you
• 1:14:02
  know, your parents didn't have the best relationship.
• 1:14:04
  And you also mentioned that, you know, your marriage Served as a
• 1:14:08
  kind of way of educating you as well and these things together
• 1:14:11
  make perfect sense as far as like, why or how maybe you at
• 1:14:15
  least got into the idea of becoming a relationship coach or
• 1:14:19
  counselor but what was the kind of inspiration for that?
• 1:14:23
  Was it just those two things and you start thinking about it and
• 1:14:25
  you thought okay wife achieve success in my marriage and I've
• 1:14:29
  been able to make this a positive thing, I'd like to help
• 1:14:33
  other people do this or was there something else that
• 1:14:35
  inspired you to do it like what Okay.
• 1:14:39
  And how it happened was, I did study psychology.
• 1:14:43
  I was always interested in that always helping friends out with
• 1:14:47
  their relationships but then my own marriage failed.
• 1:14:52
  So, and we were at the stage where we want to get a boost.
• 1:14:56
  Oh, wow. Yes, and day, I didn't, I long
• 1:15:02
  story started with me, not believing in God and my husband
• 1:15:06
  and My child was born at 29 weeks, long, traumatic story.
• 1:15:10
  When you go through a trauma, this I'm telling you, the first
• 1:15:13
  thing that goes, is probably your marriage.
• 1:15:16
  And so, then I started praying for my husband for two years,
• 1:15:22
  two years is Magic. Number, it seems to me like it's
• 1:15:24
  what do years. I started praying for my
• 1:15:26
  husband, Yugi stormy all martians boob praying wives
• 1:15:31
  every single day because I surrender to God and say God, I
• 1:15:34
  don't know why my child had to go through Spain and birth and
• 1:15:38
  everything but I cannot be without you anymore.
• 1:15:42
  At that stage. My husband said, well, I don't
• 1:15:44
  believe in God anymore. So you do this on your own and
• 1:15:50
  then I sent him an email, which one of my co-workers had seemed
• 1:15:53
  to me. That there is a marriage seminar
• 1:15:55
  at a church and I thought there's no way that my husband
• 1:15:59
  will go to this. He's a non-believer right now,
• 1:16:02
  but anyway, I forward the email to him didn't say anything and
• 1:16:05
  to reply back we go. Going, oh, wow.
• 1:16:09
  Wayne do this marriage. Seminar at the church, he gave
• 1:16:12
  his his life back to God over that seminar.
• 1:16:16
  We started working on our relationship, but six months
• 1:16:19
  after that, we went back to this same seminar and the people that
• 1:16:23
  was to present it recognized as it.
• 1:16:26
  But you have been here just recently and we said, yes, but
• 1:16:30
  we needed to really, you know, work on the things that we
• 1:16:35
  missed over that weekend is so Things.
• 1:16:38
  And then they started involving us in their Ministry and that's
• 1:16:43
  how we started. So and that was like 20 years
• 1:16:47
  ago and we started being part of the ministry and do counseling
• 1:16:51
  and present seminars and and all of that and, you know, and doing
• 1:16:56
  a TV show and yeah, so congratulations, that's awesome.
• 1:17:01
  That's awesome. What what are your kind of like
• 1:17:06
  ultimate goals that you want to achieve in this field?
• 1:17:08
  Because obviously you've had these had a long career and as
• 1:17:11
  you've said, you want to get some kind of additional
• 1:17:14
  qualifications and stuff like that.
• 1:17:15
  Is there any other particular goals that you're aiming to
• 1:17:17
  achieve in the future? Yes.
• 1:17:20
  And I don't have this goal of building this million-dollar
• 1:17:27
  trillion-dollar coaching business.
• 1:17:30
  No, not at all. I saw what changed it made in my
• 1:17:35
  kid's life, if you have a happy marriage, I saw that.
• 1:17:41
  And I, if I think if we had divorced, And what happened now
• 1:17:48
  of the 26 years. There's a complete difference in
• 1:17:52
  my house. So for me, my only Amy's that
• 1:17:56
  everybody that I see, can have what I have and give the kids.
• 1:18:01
  This this gift of growing up in a happy household and and beside
• 1:18:07
  that. It is so nice to just be in love
• 1:18:11
  and love somebody and doing fun things together.
• 1:18:15
  So that is My biggest goal is keeping families together and
• 1:18:20
  that was forever because I saw the difference in my life.
• 1:18:25
  Okay, one of the things I found on your on your website, which I
• 1:18:29
  kind of found, kind of quite interesting, is you mentioned
• 1:18:32
  that religion, helped you to manage your finances better.
• 1:18:36
  Please tell us more like, how exactly did that?
• 1:18:39
  Make a difference as far as what helping you to resolve your
• 1:18:42
  financial issues? I don't spend my money on some
• 1:18:47
  junk anymore. So, and in the beginning, I've
• 1:18:52
  asked myself the question, what would Is bought this so and I
• 1:18:59
  had buy some magazines that I don't want to say so.
• 1:19:03
  But in my question was, but Jesus Boyd by this with Jesus by
• 1:19:08
  another set of dinnerware. Oh my gosh.
• 1:19:12
  Christian, you don't know man, but maybe, maybe maybe genus
• 1:19:17
  Jesus loves dinner pies. Yeah, come on, come on.
• 1:19:23
  I mean it did the Last Supper Maybe he loves.
• 1:19:31
  So not like I had hundreds of plates, okay, it still helped me
• 1:19:40
  to navigate for that. So, right now, I am a
• 1:19:43
  minimalist, I don't have a lot of things.
• 1:19:46
  I've changed my whole life and we creating memories because my
• 1:19:53
  memories with my kids and my Friend is building our
• 1:19:56
  relationship and I make sure that I give to the poor.
• 1:20:00
  That's the way I Think. Jesus wanted to handle our money
• 1:20:03
  and and we being blessed. We really being blessed a lot.
• 1:20:08
  So so yeah, that's how it helped me, making sure I don't buy the
• 1:20:13
  wrong magazines anymore, so it was less to do because I don't
• 1:20:17
  know what when I sort of read that on your website, I thought
• 1:20:19
  maybe the church kind of gave you particular, like strategies
• 1:20:23
  or whatever. So you're You're talking more
• 1:20:25
  kind of like you you read scripture and kind of looked
• 1:20:29
  into that and took away from that.
• 1:20:33
  So your own personal understanding and then you use
• 1:20:36
  that to help you sort of manage your finances rather than being
• 1:20:40
  given a particular tools or techniques.
• 1:20:43
  Hi. Right.
• 1:20:44
  And I think we also make religion way more complex than
• 1:20:49
  what it really is. So it's easy to just ask the
• 1:20:53
  question would Jesus do this? Would he go to this place with
• 1:20:57
  you handle? My husband who's also his child
• 1:20:59
  the way that you handle team right now, Erica?
• 1:21:02
  Now, you wouldn't, you know, you wouldn't go in and buy another
• 1:21:07
  set of dinner plates of the, I had 100 already, what's the
• 1:21:16
  biggest life lesson that you've learned so far?
• 1:21:20
  Be yourself, easy be yourself. I think we try to be somebody
• 1:21:27
  else. I've made all the time and I
• 1:21:31
  think now that I'm way older, that was my biggest lesson.
• 1:21:35
  I've learned, why did I always try to be somebody else?
• 1:21:39
  So I struggled, I couldn't and I do this week, I want to be that
• 1:21:43
  person the next week. I want to be somebody else's.
• 1:21:45
  Like I have to change my personality is here, so no.
• 1:21:48
  So just be yourself. Brilliant.
• 1:21:52
  As we draw things to a close for today, do you have any upcoming
• 1:21:55
  projects or some final thoughts that you'd like to share with
• 1:21:58
  our listeners? My business is is really simple.
• 1:22:02
  I do three things, I have a communication Workshop.
• 1:22:07
  I have a Couple's Retreat and I see women individually.
• 1:22:11
  So I don't have this many things to that, come up with three
• 1:22:15
  things that I do. I do extremely well, I focus on
• 1:22:19
  that and that's what I do. So, I've written a book and I
• 1:22:24
  plan, if you're talking about upcoming things to write another
• 1:22:28
  boobs, but that's a plan. It's not, it's not okay, wait,
• 1:22:34
  what was the name of your current book so that our
• 1:22:36
  listeners can go check that out. You plus me equals plus, okay,
• 1:22:42
  and they can get that on Amazon or my website, there's a link to
• 1:22:46
  the Amazon to the Amazon link. So yeah, on my website, easy
• 1:22:52
  peasy. Excellent.
• 1:22:53
  Excellent. Well, thank you very much for
• 1:22:56
  being on the show. It's been an absolute pleasure.
• 1:22:58
  I've really enjoyed awesome. Station.
• 1:23:01
  Thank you. We had a lot of fun and law of
• 1:23:04
  thank you very much and yeah, it's ought to all my listeners
• 1:23:08
  on the Christian. We podcast we got a new camera
• 1:23:10
  by the way. I mean look at that.
• 1:23:13
  It's probably the best camera I've ever owned in my life.
• 1:23:16
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I was actually not that
• 1:23:23
  expensive as well and I sort of had a really good camera for a
• 1:23:27
  while then it broke. And so Can sort of see the
• 1:23:31
  massive decline in just in my video, not in anyone elses, and
• 1:23:36
  then now that we've come back with this.
• 1:23:38
  So, I had to make note of that. But anyway, wow, tastic, when
• 1:23:46
  you Tick Tock and do Instagram videos.
• 1:23:48
  So, thank you very much for being on the show.
• 1:23:52
  Erica, and thank you to everyone listening to the Christian.
• 1:23:55
  We podcast be safe, be well, and I'll see you in the next one.