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How to Handle Criticism · The Daily Writer

• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Hey friends, welcome to episode 112 of the Born to Create Podcast.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Kent Sanders, and this is the show where we explore the mindset, habits, and skills to help you make a bigger impact in your life and creative work.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we are in the middle of about a two-month stretch of the podcast where I'm just answering listener questions.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I've had a blast doing this, and I hope that you've enjoyed it as well.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Today we have a question that is really a significant one because it gets to the heart of something that trips a lot of us up when we're involved in any kind of creative work.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And this deals with the issue of criticism and how to handle it.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Jacqueline sent in a question and she says, Someone has given me unsolicited criticism about a video I put on Facebook.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: They had some good suggestions, but I didn't ask for their feedback.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: How do I deal with this situation?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Jacqueline, first of all, I want to say, congratulations.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason I say that is because you have put yourself out there by creating a video.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that takes a lot of guts.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's an awesome first step.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Just by virtue of you being criticized by somebody, that means you've had the courage to first of all put yourself out there.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: So you deserve some praise and some acknowledgement just for doing that.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, a lot of people never do that.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people just kind of hang back in life and they never put themselves out there or put their ideas or their content out there.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I think video is especially hard because we all tend to critique ourselves more when we see ourselves on video, at least I do.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: So congratulations, I think that's awesome.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I wanted to kind of set that framework first of all.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: But second of all, you've really hit on a major topic for creative people.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Criticism can be hard to deal with, and I don't think that there's anybody who enjoys receiving criticism.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And many times we artists are sensitive types who can easily take things really personally.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's how I can tend to operate.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: I remember that when I was a worship pastor, there was one Easter Sunday when I had worked really hard to put together a special service.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not every Easter service I realize is special, but this one year I had worked really, really hard to put together something that was going to be very cool.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'd actually organized a small orchestra for our church just for the occasion.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, anybody who's ever been in worship or music ministry in a church knows that Easter and Christmas are the times of year when your attendance is the biggest.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: So again, I had worked really hard to try and make this special for our congregation.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, our church had two services, and after the first service, someone came up to me and gave me this two-page handwritten note listing all the things that had gone wrong with the service.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: And at first I was just kind of taken aback because I mean, who gives you this two-page handwritten note after the service?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because that means that they have written it like during the service.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: So at first I thought it was like some kind of a joke, or I just didn't know what to think of it.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: But as I read through it, I realized that this lady had listed all the things she didn't like about the service.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And this was not a visitor, this is somebody who was a regular part of our church.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I've got to tell you, I was totally devastated by this.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: However, when we had our staff meeting the next day and I read this horrible note to the staff, I thought they would all take my side and go, oh yeah, she's so horrible, and how dare she criticize all this hard work that you did.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, actually the opposite happened.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: All the other staff at the church mostly agreed with the comments that this lady had given.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Even though the timing of giving me the note after the service was totally off and I didn't ask for her feedback, she actually had made some valid points that helped me to grow and improve as a worship pastor.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, in other words, once I got past the emotional hurt of all of her comments and receiving them right after one of her services, I began to see that she actually had some valid points.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the fact that our staff, you know, who were my biggest allies at the church, the fact that they agreed with a lot of her points drove home the concept that sometimes there is some valid points that people make when they criticize us.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I would say that's a good approach for this situation.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: The person who criticized your video meant well, but they should have asked permission to give you this long string of comments.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: So what do you want to do with this feedback?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's really the question is you've gotten this feedback, what do you want to do with it?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I would suggest looking for the nuggets of truth in this person's criticism.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Did they say anything that was helpful or that can help propel you forward or make you better as you create future videos or as you create future content?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Many times criticism that people deliver in an unhelpful way actually has some truth in it.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: So basically we can become bitter or we can become better.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: We can become bitter when we just get angry and we become resentful because someone had the audacity to criticize us, or we can become better by stepping away from the emotions of that moment, and we can see if there's any truth to what they said, and we can use that to propel us to greater heights as a creative.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Also, I would say try and watch your emotions whenever people criticize you.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: It is so easy, and I have done this as well, it's so easy to react to criticism right away and to fly off the handle, especially on social media where everything is so instantaneous.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot tell you how many times over the years where I have typed out something on Facebook and posted it and then immediately thought, uh, that's kind of negative, or that's kind of biting, or that's very sarcastic or cynical, and it's going to come across the wrong way.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I have typed it out and posted it and then immediately deleted it.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the thing is that once it's out there and we leave it out there, we can't take back those words.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And especially if you respond to somebody's criticism in a very kind of sarcastic or bitter way, or like a jaded way, and they see that, there's no way you can take that back.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: And plus, just to be really honest about it, you know, people can take screenshots of text messages and social media posts and all that kind of stuff, and they can come back and use it against you if you say something that's really harmful.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I would encourage all of us to be very, very careful about the things that we say on social media because you know, let's just let's just be honest.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: We like to think that people have the best of intentions, but the truth is that there are people out there when they get angry enough that they will screenshot those things and and they can use them against us in the future.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen it happen before, and it could happen to any of us.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: So we all need to be really careful about how we respond online to negative comments and criticism.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Jacqueline, I hope this helps.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: This is uh something I have struggled with a lot in my life is knowing how to deal with criticism.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope this is helpful for you.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is how I think about criticism, and um, once again, I hope this is helpful to you on your creative journey.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, friends, those are my thoughts.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I would love to hear what you think about this episode and how you deal with criticism.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can do that by leaving a comment on this episode at KentSanders.net slash one one two.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or you can also head over to Apple Podcast and leave a rating and a review for the show as a whole, which I would definitely appreciate.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, remember that you were born to create and designed to make a difference.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: See you on the next episode.