Latest / In The Driver's Seat / When Someone Else Gets What You Want
Transcript
- ep31 final draft in the driver's seat: I'm happy for them, but when is it going to be my turn? Someone gets the opportunity you've been hoping for, falls in love, or starts the kind of life that you want. You're happy for them and you're also reminded you're still waiting. The conclusion you draw from their success influences what you believe is available to you. If you see it as evidence that your chances are getting smaller, you You can start talking yourself out of pursuing something that you want. That's where I believe jealousy comes in, along with a belief we may not have recognized. I don't think it's possible for me. I believe there are infinite possibilities for experiencing what our hearts desire. Someone else having something wonderful gives us something to be inspired by. We can look at it and start imagining our own version. Today we're going to explore that moment of comparison, what it reveals about what you want, and how to stay open for the possibilities for your own life. Welcome to In the Driver's Seat. I am Lisa French. If you'd like more conversations about intentionally creating a life that you love, follow or subscribe so you can join me for the next episode. Let's start with the part that can feel a little uncomfortable to admit. You love your friend. You want good things for them. Then they tell you their wonderful news. And somewhere in the middle of being happy for them, you feel that little sting. Perhaps they've met someone and you've wanted a relationship for a really long time. You're excited to hear about it. You want to know all about their new person. You want to see a picture, of course, of them. Then later, when you're home by yourself, you start thinking about how long you've been hoping to meet someone too, and wondering if you'll end up forever alone. Both feelings are there happiness for your friend and disappointment about your own situation. It's easy to start judging ourselves for the feeling before we've even understood it. Now we're disappointed, jealous, and annoyed with ourselves for being jealous, and that's quite the emotional load to be carrying around. The feeling gives us somewhere to start. Sometimes it is touching a desire we've had for years. Sometimes it brings up a fear that we're running out of time, and sometimes it reveals a belief about who we are. Who gets to have the good things in life? They always get what they want. Things come easily to people like them. I suppose some people are lucky. Notice where those thoughts put you. You've separated yourself from the group of people who experience what you want. And once you've done that, it's easy to start finding reasons to stay there. You decide meeting someone would be a waste of time. You stop looking for the opportunity that interested you. You dismiss an idea before you've learned enough about it to make an informed decision. That's how a conclusion in your mind begins affecting your participation in your own life. Of course, jealousy has more than one source. I'm talking about this particular kind, where someone else having something feels like less is available to you. It's as though there were a certain number of wonderful lives to go around and someone has a claimed another one, leaving less for you. I don't believe that. I believe there's an infinite amount of abundance. Someone else having abundance of anything doesn't lessen your chance of having it too. Their loving relationship hasn't used up the possibility of love. Their happiness hasn't taken a portion of happiness away from you. There are specific situations where people are competing for the same thing. If you both applied for a one position and they were hired, you've lost that particular opportunity. That's real disappointment. You've put in the effort, pictured it, pictured yourself doing the work, and now you have to reconsider your next step. I believe sometimes that position wasn't meant for you. You're being redirected towards something better suited for the life you want, even if you can't see it yet. You can feel disappointed about the opportunity and still trust that there's more ahead for you. We sometimes take one close opportunity and make it a prediction about the rest of our lives. That didn't happen because it's never going to happen. That's a much bigger claim. And it's when we start living even though we have no way of knowing it. I want my beliefs to keep a door open for possibilities I haven't even encountered yet. That brings me to something I think gets overlooked in comparison. We're often responding to a feeling we imagine someone else has. Picture someone you know posting photos from a trip. They look relaxed, they're having breakfast outside somewhere beautiful with no apparent concern about what time it is. You see the photos while eating something over the kitchen sink because you're running late to work. Well, yes, their morning looks pretty amazing. At first you think, I want to go there, and perhaps you do, but there's more to explore. The part that grabs you could be their freedom to take time away. It could be having someone to travel with, having the money to enjoy themselves, or simply having a morning where they aren't rushing. Those are all different desires. Recognizing which one resonates with you gives you something much more useful than wishing you had their life. Because you probably don't want every part of their life. You see something that they're enjoying and And you realize you'd love to experience it too. Even when two people want the same general thing, the details can be very different. We both want a beautiful place to live. Your beautiful place might have mountains outside the window. Mine has sugary white beaches nearby. Someone else wants a little place downtown where they can walk everywhere. Freedom, comfort, freedom. Connection, adventure. We each have our own ideas about how we want to experience those things. There are a lot of ways to be inspired without adopting someone else's entire life. Their experience can help you recognize a desire you hadn't put it into words. It can also help you realize that something you've been pursuing no longer appeals to you as much as you thought. When the news started spreading about me uprooting my great life in Iowa to move somewhere I had never been in Florida, people told me I inspired them to go for dreams of their own. I shared my story then, not to brag, but to teach people if I can do big things, they can too. Hearing about others doing just that made me so happy. Perhaps you admire a person's Business success, then hear about the travel and the schedule involved and think, I would want to do that differently. That's useful information too. You're learning what fits the life you want to create. And this is where I'd love to see us get more curious about each other's success. When you believe someone else Having abundance leaves less for you, it can be tempting to explain away their achievement. They had help, they knew someone, they got a lucky break. Sometimes people do have advantages, and our circumstances are different. But when we use those differences to conclude, well, that could never happen for me, we've decided that their way of receiving it was the Only way available. I believe there are so many ways for abundance to come into our lives. Someone else found love through a friend. Someone received an opportunity through connections that they had. Your experience can unfold through people and circumstances you haven't encountered yet. You don't have to know every detail of how it will happen. To believe it's possible for you. So when someone shares something wonderful, enjoy their happiness and tell yourself, I would love my own version of that. Let yourself picture it. What would you enjoy about having that experience? What would it feel like? Give that possibility some attention before you start listing all the reasons it's available to someone else and out of reach for you. In my recent episodes, I've talked about emotion and how important it is in my understanding of manifestation. Believing that something is possible for you is a big part of that too. When you look at someone else's happiness and feel inspired, you get to experience some excitement about your own future. You begin picturing what you'd enjoy. Your thoughts move toward what you want to create. I think there's a very different feeling, and I would love to experience that than in keeping a running account of how many other people have received it before you. And you can spot the practical difference. When you're interested in a possibility, you're more willing to have a conversation, explore an idea, or take a step toward it. Your brain is scanning for the ways to make it happened. When you've decided it's unavailable to you, those same opportunities are easier to miss. That's one reason I'm mindful about what I tell myself. It also takes some pressure off of when you stop requiring every first reaction to be perfect. A jealous moment is something you can explore. You can recognize that it touched a tender spot and give yourself a little grace Before deciding what to do with it. I would hate for someone to hear this conversation and turn it into another reason to criticize themselves. Well, I felt jealous, so now I've just ruined my manifestation. You still have choices after an uncomfortable feeling. You can be authentic about wanting something, appreciate the good in someone else's life, and begin considering your next step. Now, about That question. When is it going to be my turn? I understand the impatience, especially when you've been making an effort. You've been showing up, learning, trying, and you'd like to see something happen. Waiting can be even harder when you've imagined exactly how everything has to unfold. You've decided where you'll meet the person. Which opportunity will change your life? Who needs to call you and how soon it all should happen? You've practically assigned everyone their part. They may be completely unaware of their role in your production. Meanwhile, something else comes along and gets very little consideration because it doesn't look like the plan that you made in your head. This is why staying open. to how it will happen becomes a practical part of trusting the process. For me, trusting means believing that what I desire is possible for me while letting go of how it will arrive. I can have a clear desire and still be curious about an expected route of delivery. Suppose you want work that gives you more flexibility. You've been concentrating on one Of position because it seems like the obvious answer. Then someone mentions a different position you hadn't considered. It piques your interest. Following that interest could begin with a chat. You ask what the work involves. You learn about the schedule and the skills and whether it fits your needs. That information helps you decide whether to explore further. You're paying attention and responding as you learn. That's how to act on those little nudges. Something interests you. An idea keeps coming back. You feel drawn to learn more, contact someone, or go somewhere. You take a reasonable step and see what becomes clearer. You can use your judgment throughout. Going with the flow includes adjusting to the information that you receive. There's capacity for discovery when you're willing to move without having every step settled in advance. I think this is especially useful when we're comparing ourselves with someone who seems to have everything. We see their success and our own situation feels unfinished. But we're still making decisions. We're still meeting people and discovering things about our lives. Our desires can become clearer through that process. There's more happening than a simple tally of who has what. So here's what I'd like you to try next time. Someone's good news brings up that when's it going to be my turn, feeling? Give yourself a moment to identify the part of their experience you want. Be specific. If it's the freedom you see in their life, describe what you'd do with more freedom in yours. If it's companionship, think about the kind of relationship you've been dreaming of. Then notice the conclusion you've drawn about your chances. If you've already decided it's too late or people like you don't get that, put that belief into words. Seeing it clearly gives you something to examine. From there, take a step that supports your desire. It could be gathering information, making a connection, or exploring an idea you've been putting off. Choose something you're willing to follow through on. That gives your attention somewhere to go after the comparison. You've learned something about yourself and And you're using it. I believe someone else's success is an invitation to imagine more abundance in your own life. There's so much we haven't experienced yet. So many people we haven't met and possibilities we haven't imagined. I want to stay curious about those possibilities. I enjoy seeing good things happen for people as well as participating in. Creating the life I love. If you would like help with creating abundance in your own life, a link to my free visualization guide is in the description. Thank you for spending this time with me. Until next time, remember you're always in the driver's seat of your own life. And I'll see you in the next episode.