Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 29 | Flamboyant Versification

Transcript

29 | Flamboyant Versification · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: Matejo.
• 0:01
  Matt: Yes.
• 0:02
  Eric: Born and raised in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
• 0:06
  Matt: Sure was.
• 0:06
  Matt: Sure enough was.
• 0:07
  Eric: Let me ask you something, and I hope this is not presumptuous.
• 0:11
  Matt: Okay.
• 0:11
  Eric: Have you ever been to a little place called Hershey Park?
• 0:15
  Matt: The sweetest place on earth, baby.
• 0:17
  Matt: Ah.
• 0:17
  Matt: Are you kidding me?
• 0:18
  Matt: For a long time it was the only uh amusement park that I went to, aside, of course, for Dutch Wonderland.
• 0:29
  Matt: That's a place.
• 0:31
  Matt: Oh fuck, yeah, it's a place, man.
• 0:33
  Eric: Dude.
• 0:33
  Eric: Okay.
• 0:34
  Matt: It is shitty.
• 0:34
  Matt: Anyway, yeah, I've been to Hershey Park.
• 0:37
  Matt: So not in a lot, not in a while, not in a good number of years at this point, though.
• 0:42
  Eric: So uh so I I I got a little story to relay, but first I'm gonna open with kind of my my not tirade against Hershey Park.
• 0:50
  Eric: They're they're a lovely place.
• 0:52
  Eric: Okay.
• 0:53
  Matt: But but I just want you to know you're talking to someone who once had to dress up and pret uh and present a report on Milton Hershey in like fourth grade.
• 1:02
  Matt: So watch your tone, young man.
• 1:03
  Eric: I am so happy you brought up Milton Hershey.
• 1:06
  Matt: Yes, yes, I played him once in a class.
• 1:09
  unknown: Oh my god.
• 1:10
  Eric: We're gonna put a pen in that.
• 1:11
  Eric: We're gonna come back to that at some point.
• 1:12
  Eric: Oh but Matt, so you know Disney World, right?
• 1:18
  Eric: Disneyland, Disney World.
• 1:19
  Eric: You go to the Magic Kingdom, right?
• 1:21
  Eric: And there's this statue of Walt Disney, and like so I've heard uh it's there, and if you've ever seen the statue, it it's like 10 feet tall.
• 1:32
  Eric: Uh Walt is like just out, eyes up to the sun, holding holding hands with Mickey.
• 1:39
  Eric: Yeah, it's and like pointing like inspirationally off into the distance.
• 1:43
  Eric: Saying everything the light touches I own.
• 1:47
  Eric: It's so inspiring.
• 1:48
  Eric: It's so good.
• 1:50
  Eric: But then you go to Hershey Park.
• 1:52
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:53
  Eric: The statue of Milton Hershey is about three-quarters scale of normal.
• 2:02
  Eric: Yeah, sure.
• 2:04
  Eric: His eyes are downcast, hat in hand, as if to say, please, please know that I had Disney dreams on a Hershey budget.
• 2:18
  Eric: All right.
• 2:19
  Matt: Now, first of all.
• 2:20
  Matt: Yeah.
• 2:20
  Matt: All right.
• 2:21
  Matt: So while since if if you're gonna be putting words in Sir Hershey's mouth.
• 2:28
  Matt: Was he knighted?
• 2:29
  Matt: No.
• 2:30
  Matt: Okay, I'll let's say like what first of all, there are several statues of Milton Hershey.
• 2:36
  Matt: I assume you're talking about this one in the fountain.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:40
  Matt: Okay.
• 2:41
  Eric: I wouldn't say his eyes are downcast.
• 2:44
  Eric: He looks like he's he's like on his last dollar.
• 2:48
  Matt: Like in his defense, he is standing in a fountain.
• 2:52
  Matt: He wants to protect his hat from the spray.
• 2:55
  Matt: Brandon, he's still holding it closer to the water.
• 2:58
  Eric: Like, and I'm sure he was going for like humility and grace and like just welcome to my butt damn, it looks like it's like, yeah, here you go.
• 3:09
  Matt: All right.
• 3:09
  Matt: Well, Eric.
• 3:10
  Matt: You got a scrambler.
• 3:11
  Matt: Folks, I want you to know the one of the reasons it's called the sweetest place on earth is anywhere in Hershey, Pennsylvania, but like primarily around the factory in the park, smells like chocolate.
• 3:21
  Eric: Like as soon as you're within a mile of of Hershey, Pennsylvania, you can smell it.
• 3:26
  Matt: And that is for two reasons.
• 3:27
  Matt: I don't know if you knew this there.
• 3:29
  Matt: This might be news to you.
• 3:30
  Matt: So also, anywhere around main city of Hershey, you the street lamps have Hershey Kiss's uh covers on them.
• 3:39
  Matt: Uh but that's just a bonus for the listeners who haven't been to Pennsylvania.
• 3:43
  Matt: But the if you're around the immediate factory, the smell of chocolate is from the factory.
• 3:47
  Matt: Yeah.
• 3:48
  Matt: But the rest of the smell of chocolate is being pumped out of various uh vents through on the street throughout the I didn't like that.
• 4:01
  Matt: Yes, they they did double down on let's make let's make certain it smells like chocolate.
• 4:08
  Eric: Let's cover up that sewage runoff.
• 4:12
  Eric: Um so I say all of that.
• 4:17
  Eric: So I can say this.
• 4:18
  Eric: Sam and I were recently uh we were we were releasing recently in Lancaster PA, and we stopped over at Hershey on our way out to go catch uh we didn't go to Hershey Park, we went to Zoo America, which is like the zoo, which is really cool.
• 4:35
  Eric: They've got like a lot of really kick-ass, like it's all it's all American animals.
• 4:40
  Matt: It's Hershey Park's zoo.
• 4:41
  Matt: Yeah, that's what it is.
• 4:42
  Eric: But but just keeping in the theme with the grim, dark Hershey legacy.
• 4:50
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 4:50
  Eric: Um, Zoo America has a vulture problem.
• 4:54
  Eric: What do you mean?
• 4:55
  Eric: Uh we went there, uh-huh, and as we come out, like we we go, we we came through like the walkways where we were like reptile house that was really cool, saw the alligators and stuff like that.
• 5:05
  Eric: Uh we come out into like where the paddocks are.
• 5:08
  Eric: Okay.
• 5:09
  Eric: And in the first paddock, we see like, oh, they have like this huge display of like black vultures.
• 5:15
  Eric: And and like, oh no, they're they're just hanging, they're like all hanging out in there.
• 5:21
  Eric: And I'm like, damn, yeah, these vultures are like, oh, they just keep them in the same paddock as the bear.
• 5:26
  Eric: Dope.
• 5:26
  Eric: Okay.
• 5:27
  unknown: Oh no.
• 5:28
  Eric: We quickly realize the black vultures are in every single paddock.
• 5:34
  Eric: We we start to look around, we're like, they're in the trees, they're on the grass, they are flying and circle.
• 5:41
  Eric: Matt, there are hundreds of them everywhere.
• 5:45
  Eric: And I'm like, do they just have and like we noticed some of them were tagged, and we're like, do they just have like like a lot of these?
• 5:52
  Eric: And then we saw the sign.
• 5:54
  Eric: And the sign it said, I saw the sign.
• 5:58
  Eric: Said the sign said, While the black vulture is a native species to Pennsylvania, these are still wild animals.
• 6:07
  Eric: Do not approach them.
• 6:08
  Eric: We are working with the federal government to have them removed.
• 6:12
  Matt: Yeah, first of all, it just this is a general rule of thumb for the listeners as well.
• 6:16
  Matt: Don't approach a vulture.
• 6:17
  Eric: Don't approach a vulture.
• 6:19
  Eric: Uh so I asked, so curiosity officially peaked.
• 6:24
  Eric: I I asked uh uh like someone who worked there, I was like, yo, what's up with the vultures?
• 6:28
  Eric: And they're like, Yeah.
• 6:31
  Eric: We don't know why they came, but about two years ago, they started coming here and they've just kept coming.
• 6:39
  Eric: Jeez.
• 6:40
  Eric: They they and the black vulture is a federally protected species.
• 6:46
  Eric: Yeah.
• 6:46
  Eric: So they can't do anything about it.
• 6:48
  Eric: They had to get they had to get in touch with the government.
• 6:50
  Eric: The government gave them a runaround for like a year saying, oh, of course.
• 6:54
  Eric: And then the government finally started helping, and they were like, sorry, dog, we can only remove a certain number of them a year, and you have like way more than that.
• 7:04
  Eric: And they the ones they removed, they removed them, took them elsewhere in the state, and released them and tagged them, and they came back.
• 7:14
  Eric: So there were dozens with tags on them.
• 7:17
  Eric: So there are dozens they removed and they all just came back.
• 7:20
  Eric: And and they were like, we don't know why they're here, because like it's not like we don't leave fucking, we don't live feed any of the animals, like it's all done back like back in the facility, like there's no rotting food or anything.
• 7:32
  Eric: They're like, they'll follow the bear around and just eat his poop, and they don't even do that normally in the wild, and they've caused a fuck ton of property damage to the surrounding houses.
• 7:42
  Eric: We've had to pay out so many insurance settlements.
• 7:45
  Eric: There it is a nightmare.
• 7:47
  Eric: Like, while they're explaining this to me, at least 10 of them are circling in the air above.
• 7:53
  Eric: It was the bleakest shit ever.
• 7:57
  Eric: That all said, Zoo America fucking rules.
• 7:59
  Eric: You should go support them.
• 8:02
  Eric: Despite the vulture problem.
• 8:05
  Matt: Please keep your eye avert your eyes from the vultures.
• 8:10
  Matt: Don't look at them in the eye.
• 8:11
  Eric: As they circle the Milton Hershey statue.
• 8:13
  Matt: Just go about your chocolatey adventure.
• 8:29
  Matt: Hello and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This, a podcast answering all of life's least pressing questions.
• 8:38
  Matt: My name is Matt Shea.
• 8:39
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 8:41
  Matt: And this is number 29, folks.
• 8:43
  Matt: Welcome and uh happy Thanksgiving to you, Eric.
• 8:47
  Matt: Happy Thanksgiving to you, Matt Matthew.
• 8:51
  Matt: Okay.
• 8:52
  Matt: Does it 29 episodes doesn't know my fucking name?
• 8:55
  Eric: I am thankful for our friendship, Matt.
• 8:58
  Eric: We're just gonna keep plowing on ahead.
• 8:59
  Eric: I am thankful for your companionship and your understanding.
• 9:03
  Matt: And I, you and yours, Eric, and all of you, of course, listeners, for listening to our bullshit.
• 9:11
  Eric: Oh, we're so grateful for that.
• 9:12
  Eric: We're so thankful.
• 9:13
  Matt: We are here and you've been submitting these questions now for over a year.
• 9:18
  Matt: It is astonishing to everyone.
• 9:21
  Matt: Uh so Eric, you know, why don't we had a our cold open did go a little bit along there, talking about the exploits of Milton Hershey and the vultures and whatnot.
• 9:29
  Eric: Yep.
• 9:30
  Matt: Um, so should we jump right in?
• 9:32
  Eric: Let's jump right in.
• 9:33
  Matt: All right, Eric, let's jump right in.
• 9:34
  Matt: Our our first question today comes from Eva Laviva Loca on Instagram, who writes Why do squirrels, slash cats, slash deer, slash drivers jump out in front of cars?
• 9:50
  Matt: Tales old as time, Matt.
• 9:52
  Matt: Tales old as time.
• 9:54
  Matt: And I do believe, Eric, there there may be I think there's a slightly obvious answer here.
• 10:00
  Matt: And I think it's uh, you know, a a pre a response, a predatory, you know, defense mechanism of I think they interpret the vehicle coming at them as a big old predator.
• 10:11
  Eric: Oh, I thought the obvious answer was because they're dumb as shit.
• 10:14
  Matt: Oh, well, that's very judgmental of the squirrels and the deer, and the people that are included in here.
• 10:20
  Matt: Yeah.
• 10:21
  Matt: The people the inclusion of drivers is a little confusing in this question to me.
• 10:25
  Matt: Uh, I assume she means like people jumping out from like you're like they're waiting to make a turn, hear you come barreling down the street with the right of way, and they just jump out in front of you.
• 10:37
  Eric: Yeah.
• 10:37
  Matt: I assume that's what they mean.
• 10:38
  Matt: In which case, I think the explanation there is they're an asshole.
• 10:42
  Eric: Yes, they're they're assholes.
• 10:44
  Eric: Uh but deer and squirrels, however, I'm not going to put that kind of moral judgment on the deer and squirrels.
• 10:49
  Eric: They are beautiful creatures in this kingdom.
• 10:51
  Matt: No, I don't I they they they certainly don't have any malice behind what they're trying to do.
• 10:55
  Eric: No, goodness no.
• 10:58
  Eric: Whoa, whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:01
  Eric: But maybe cats also cats might possess malice, but they'll also never just jump in front of a car.
• 11:07
  Matt: Yeah, I don't know that I've seen a cat jump out in front of a car.
• 11:11
  Eric: No.
• 11:11
  Eric: As the intelligence goes up, their spite and malice also like increase.
• 11:15
  Matt: Now, deer and squirrels, on the other hand, are very guilty of this.
• 11:19
  Matt: Yep.
• 11:20
  Matt: I no, what I'm saying is I'm pretty sure that you know, if you were to ask a biologist, they would say that uh it's they they're seeing for squirrels and deer, they're seeing a predator come at them and they go into the they're they're freeze.
• 11:36
  Matt: Well, they evade the they they're like, oh shit, here it comes freeze first, and then they're judging it as uh, oh, he's coming right at me.
• 11:43
  Matt: So they try to zigzag away from it.
• 11:45
  Matt: Because like a squirrel will do that in a park as you approach it, right?
• 11:49
  Matt: You walk up to it and it's like, oh fuck you, boom, boom, boom, zoom, zoom, zoom.
• 11:53
  Matt: You're not getting my nuts.
• 11:54
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:55
  Eric: Well, I think it's I think the other the other side of it, if we're just doffing our our biology hats.
• 12:01
  Eric: Hello, Eric Poach, amateur biologist.
• 12:04
  Eric: Um yeah, I think there's also like the whole thing is like they might just be crossing the road, but then as soon as they realize a car's coming, like a a lot of prey animals, their survival instinct is to just, oh, I'm gonna stay very still so that way it can't see me and it moves away.
• 12:22
  Matt: Yes.
• 12:23
  Eric: Not realizing that there ain't no brakes on this train.
• 12:27
  Matt: So you you're saying uh uh as an amateur biologist, you're saying that as an amateur biologist.
• 12:32
  Matt: That's what the deer in the headlights thing is about.
• 12:34
  Matt: Like I think that the deer thought of it as a shock, like uh, oh, and like they just everything goes blank because they don't know what to do.
• 12:41
  Eric: Well, it is shock and evolutionary-wise, that has served them.
• 12:45
  Eric: Like those ones survived because the ones that got shocked into freezing survived because predator's like, oh, where the fuck they go?
• 12:50
  Eric: My vision's based on movement.
• 12:51
  Eric: What the fuck?
• 12:52
  Eric: And then they and then the deer's like, haha.
• 12:55
  Matt: Now, if I could put on my um professional biologist how for just a second.
• 12:59
  Eric: Oh, okay, professional biologist.
• 13:01
  Eric: Matt Matt Shea, professional biologist.
• 13:03
  Matt: Yes.
• 13:03
  Matt: Uh well, you can be professional anything as long as you uh try.
• 13:07
  Matt: So the uh okay.
• 13:10
  Matt: As long as you have ambition and and foolish confidence.
• 13:14
  Matt: Yes.
• 13:14
  Matt: The so what I think is interesting uh as a professional biologist, the squirrels will frequently, you know, house themselves in in a car, like in a hood.
• 13:26
  Matt: We've all seen the TikTok of all the walnuts uh, you know, built up in the car.
• 13:31
  Matt: You know what I'm talking about?
• 13:32
  Matt: I do.
• 13:33
  Matt: So like they'll store things in there.
• 13:35
  Matt: So like they're familiar with the fact that a car is not alive.
• 13:40
  Matt: So like why do they say I guess you know it's big and scary as the only thing, and it's confusing, and they're sitting there on the side of the road, they got their walnuts, they're trying to get back to their Chevy suburban that they've been housing housing those nuts in, and they just freak out when uh when a big old truck comes at them.
• 13:59
  unknown: Yeah.
• 14:00
  unknown: Yeah.
• 14:02
  Matt: Alright.
• 14:02
  Matt: I mean, I wonder why are we leaving it at that or are we are we missing something bigger?
• 14:08
  Eric: Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna take off my amateur biologist hat, put on my professional philosopher hat.
• 14:13
  Eric: There you go.
• 14:14
  Eric: Um I wonder if the squirrels, like, do squirrels think cars are animals?
• 14:20
  Eric: Like, do they is this like you know how you know how on the in the beautiful ocean?
• 14:25
  Eric: Yeah, you you got the shot of like the the the big old whale shark, and then there's those little fish that just kind of like chill on, or like on the savannah with the humble rhinoceros and little birds that just chill on his on his on his shit.
• 14:39
  Matt: The cohabitation, so to speak.
• 14:41
  Eric: Yeah.
• 14:41
  Eric: I wonder if the squirrels are like have been trying to strike that bargain with cars.
• 14:47
  Eric: And it's just and I wonder like how the squirrels feel that they're like, man, every time I think we're cool, like this one let me put nuts all up in its grill, literally.
• 14:54
  Matt: And here comes this one.
• 14:55
  Matt: What a betrayal.
• 14:56
  Matt: What a top, yeah, top ten animal kingdom betrayals.
• 15:00
  Matt: And perhaps they are so overwrought with emotion from what they perceive to be a betrayal by this car now coming at them.
• 15:11
  Matt: They're not sure how to go on, Eric.
• 15:14
  Eric: They're not sure how to go on.
• 15:15
  Eric: Matt, also, is there a religious significance here for the squirrels?
• 15:19
  Eric: Because not all squirrels get hit.
• 15:20
  Eric: Not all squirrels.
• 15:21
  Eric: Some squirrels got this very near misses.
• 15:22
  Eric: Like, do they go back and they're like, I was spared.
• 15:25
  Matt: I oh, you think it's like your judgment.
• 15:27
  Eric: It's like a judgment thing.
• 15:28
  Eric: I wonder if that's like their coming-of-age thing.
• 15:31
  Eric: Like, they're like, you must, you must run across the Black River.
• 15:34
  Matt: I wonder if squirrels later will compare, like, you know, achievements, like, be like, oh yeah, there's there's big cheeks, big Sheiks McGuffin over there.
• 15:46
  Matt: Who has who has dodged 18 cars.
• 15:50
  Eric: Fuck.
• 15:51
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:52
  Eric: And like he's he's like the squirrel pope, essentially, by that point.
• 15:56
  Matt: He's the squirrel king, yes.
• 15:57
  Matt: He's the god king of the side.
• 15:58
  Matt: He's the Earl of Squirrel.
• 16:00
  Matt: Earl of Squirrel, baby.
• 16:02
  Matt: Uh Big Sheiks McGuffin.
• 16:04
  Matt: Um the so I like that.
• 16:07
  Matt: I like the.
• 16:08
  Eric: So I think there's a part of it where like they obviously don't want to die to the card, but I think a lot of them they're like, I have to do this.
• 16:14
  Eric: I have to do this.
• 16:15
  Eric: Sometimes it does feel like they're doing I'm like, you had every opportunity to not do this and you did it.
• 16:20
  Matt: Yes.
• 16:21
  Matt: They've you you waited to do this.
• 16:24
  Matt: You chose this, you could have run across this black river minutes ago, seconds ago.
• 16:30
  Eric: You could have just stayed on the side.
• 16:31
  Eric: You could have just been watching cars pass.
• 16:33
  Eric: You know they weren't gonna veer into your little hidey hole.
• 16:36
  Matt: You could have just not moved and you would have been fine.
• 16:39
  Matt: But no, they know that it's a challenge coming at them.
• 16:42
  Eric: Yeah.
• 16:42
  Matt: One they must rise to.
• 16:44
  Eric: And one one day amongst them, one squirrel will rise up.
• 16:48
  Eric: He will not just be the dodger of cars, he will be the car slayer.
• 16:53
  Matt: I'm sure you know what, Eric, I'm sure there's are some car slayers out there already.
• 16:57
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 16:58
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 16:58
  Eric: There has to, like, statistically speaking, there has to have been one where the squirrel won.
• 17:04
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 17:04
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 17:05
  Matt: Human lives have been lost to evading a squirrel.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: Ugh.
• 17:10
  Matt: No question about it.
• 17:14
  Eric: We just don't even pay.
• 17:16
  Eric: Fucking wake up, people.
• 17:17
  Eric: Sorry, I'm gonna take off my professional philosopher.
• 17:20
  Eric: I'm gonna put on my professional uh tinfoil hat.
• 17:23
  Eric: Wake the fuck up, sheeple.
• 17:25
  Matt: The Earl of Squirrel comes for us all.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 17:28
  Matt: Well, you know, I I do think there's a war going on.
• 17:32
  Matt: I've told you, I think I've told you before, I'm not sure if I've talked about on the podcast, that my my dad has a war with the squirrels in in the backyard.
• 17:38
  Eric: Oh, no doubt.
• 17:39
  Matt: There, I mean, he's forever uh trying to chase them away from various bird feeders.
• 17:44
  Matt: Um, and the contraptions and and and traps he's put out.
• 17:49
  Matt: It's very funny.
• 17:49
  Matt: They get around everything.
• 17:50
  Eric: My grandmother, who is one of the most empathetic and compassionate human beings I've ever met in my life, yeah, who bears no ill will towards any human being.
• 18:01
  Eric: No, that's sweet.
• 18:02
  Eric: Despises squirrels.
• 18:04
  Eric: That is that is where she took any any any room she had in her beautiful heart for for hate, it all went to squirrels.
• 18:12
  Eric: Like that was the price she paid for just being like radiating joy and and love to every everyone else.
• 18:19
  Eric: Well, you gotta you gotta get it out somewhere.
• 18:21
  Eric: Yeah, it's gotta come out somewhere.
• 18:23
  Matt: You know, you gotta let some of that that inherent rage out somewhere.
• 18:28
  Matt: You know?
• 18:29
  Eric: My dad used to hunt squirrels in our backyard with an air rifle.
• 18:32
  Matt: Wow.
• 18:33
  Matt: That oh, that that my dad has not gone that far.
• 18:36
  Eric: He would he would make the most like this ram shackle blind, and I say blind, in that he opened a back window on the house a crack and slid the air rifle out.
• 18:45
  Eric: Did he kill did he kill squirrels this way?
• 18:48
  Eric: Oh, he killed he killed, yeah, he killed a good number of squirrels this way because they were destroying our garden.
• 18:52
  Matt: Um I'll tell you this, they are targeting your your father's car every day.
• 18:56
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 18:57
  Matt: Every day on the Black River.
• 18:58
  Eric: He I would find him back there, like with his fucking air rifle primed on primed on him, and he'd just go, Don't tell your mother.
• 19:06
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 19:07
  Matt: No, my dad would just like grease up the rope that the bird feeder's on.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:14
  Matt: Well, he put it once he put uh uh this this was hysterical.
• 19:18
  Matt: He put a like have you seen those?
• 19:20
  Matt: Like they almost look like a frisbee, like an upside down, like a like a like a pot cover almost.
• 19:26
  Matt: Like, so like they'll put it, he'll put that over a hanging bird feeder with like a greased up chain.
• 19:32
  Matt: Uh, and the I I've watched him watch um uh the squirrel go down this greased up chain, go to the like slowly approach the edge of the the discus that is uh the protective covering, and it'll hold on to that with its back feet, swing forward, grab the bird feeder, and like pull it up to it and like eat from it while uh doing this circus allay act off of the side of the thing.
• 20:00
  Matt: And my dad's just looking from the kitchen going like unbelievable, these sons of should have gotten an air rifle.
• 20:07
  Matt: I should have gotten an air rifle.
• 20:08
  Eric: Yeah, life finds a way.
• 20:10
  Matt: Life finds a way.
• 20:12
  Matt: Um and indeed the squirrels do on the Black River.
• 20:15
  Matt: Yep.
• 20:16
  Matt: Uh so so Eric, uh, I think we've answered the question.
• 20:20
  Matt: Do we did we not?
• 20:21
  Eric: Holy war is the answer.
• 20:23
  Matt: So Eva Laviva Loca.
• 20:25
  Eric: Yeah.
• 20:25
  Eric: Thank you, Eva.
• 20:26
  Matt: Thank you very much for the question.
• 20:28
  Matt: And um, now Eric, yeah, I think you know what something we haven't done in quite some time.
• 20:35
  Matt: Oh.
• 20:36
  Matt: There are some questions, Eric, that we receive that, you know, we just don't think we have the time to dedicate to.
• 20:43
  Matt: You know, we can't get to them all.
• 20:44
  Eric: No, no, no, no.
• 20:46
  Matt: But I uh Inos, uh these questions the listeners gave us and they deserve their due.
• 20:52
  Matt: Yes.
• 20:53
  Matt: So I think we let's why don't we clear out some of the backlog with a little segment we like to call Fast Five.
• 21:00
  Eric: Fast Five!
• 21:02
  Matt: Uh for those of you who haven't listened to the past episodes where we've done a fast five, we're gonna answer five questions now in five minutes.
• 21:10
  Matt: We got this.
• 21:11
  Matt: You know, sometimes Eric and I have a habit of just sort of going on.
• 21:17
  Matt: This time we don't have that benefit.
• 21:19
  Matt: So, Eric, I am gonna set uh I'm gonna set the clock here.
• 21:23
  Eric: Set the clock, baby.
• 21:23
  Eric: I'm ready.
• 21:24
  Eric: I got the oh, I got the queue up.
• 21:26
  Matt: As we've done in the past, the first one's for free.
• 21:28
  Matt: You can read the question and I'll start it after you give us the question and and who's submitted it.
• 21:33
  Eric: Our first question from uh Lindsay Barr.
• 21:38
  Eric: Uh Your wife.
• 21:40
  Matt: Yes.
• 21:40
  Matt: Simply Lindsay on Instagram.
• 21:42
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 21:43
  Eric: What's the best fall activity go?
• 21:47
  Matt: Okay, well, you got the apple picking.
• 21:50
  Eric: Apple picking.
• 21:50
  Eric: Uh bonfires, dog.
• 21:52
  Eric: Bonfires.
• 21:52
  Eric: Like, cause 'cause like so many fall activities get like in there.
• 21:56
  Eric: Like you can get cider at a bonfire.
• 21:58
  Matt: You could do apple picking and then It ends at a bonfire.
• 22:01
  Eric: Oh my god, yes.
• 22:03
  Matt: When we did when we were working at to bring it back to an episode or two ago when we were working at the haunted trail, they had bonfires for after the haunted trail.
• 22:12
  Eric: Here's what you do fucking uh you you hat trick it, you pumpkin picking and apple picking during the day, carve your pumpkins at night as you wait for the haunted trail to get open, do the haunted trail.
• 22:23
  Eric: Once you're done, bonfire, boom, and you know cider.
• 22:26
  Matt: I gotta say this right now the smell of a bonfire, a campfire in general, my favorite smell in the world.
• 22:32
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 22:33
  Matt: And look at that.
• 22:34
  Matt: We've we got 10 seconds left of the first minute.
• 22:37
  Matt: Our next question comes from DCT Morris on Instagram.
• 22:40
  Matt: Will umbrella hats ever come back in style?
• 22:44
  Eric: I don't think they were ever in style.
• 22:46
  Eric: I think it was just how willing was society to allow them.
• 22:50
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 22:51
  Matt: Were we more accepting in the 1980s?
• 22:54
  Eric: Yeah, we were more accept, we were more tolerant of them back then.
• 22:57
  Eric: I will I don't think they were ever in style.
• 22:59
  Matt: Were we more tolerant of them?
• 23:01
  Matt: There are I feel like you see them in films depicting a nerd only.
• 23:05
  Eric: Uh usually a nerd or some kind of asshole.
• 23:07
  Eric: Um so in that case, I would say if if if we're not gonna tolerate them, like it really is just up to you.
• 23:13
  Matt: Also, they don't really protect anything functionally as an umbrella, just your head.
• 23:17
  Matt: No, just your knife.
• 23:18
  Eric: Yeah, just if you don't want rain on your face or if you want to keep the sun out of your eyes, but then you can just wear a hat.
• 23:22
  Matt: Just wear a regular hat with a regular brim.
• 23:25
  Eric: Just wear a fucking hat.
• 23:26
  Matt: Just wear a hat, man.
• 23:26
  Matt: Just wear a hat.
• 23:27
  Matt: Just wear a regular hat.
• 23:28
  Eric: Just wear a hat.
• 23:29
  Matt: Put in that uh Dr.
• 23:30
  Matt: Hammond uh hat, you know, go on so far.
• 23:33
  Eric: Please, please just wear a hat.
• 23:34
  Matt: If you need the full coverage.
• 23:35
  Matt: Anyway, Eric, would you like to continue on?
• 23:37
  Eric: Why are red onions not called purple onions?
• 23:41
  Matt: And that one's from Sarah Feldman on Instagram, of course.
• 23:44
  Eric: I can only assume because of legislation passed defining colors.
• 23:50
  Matt: Oh, interesting.
• 23:51
  Matt: Um I mean, uh to be honest, I don't necessarily I mean, I guess when you they're more red.
• 23:57
  Matt: They're more they're more purple once you peel them.
• 24:00
  Eric: They're more purple once you peel them.
• 24:02
  Eric: They're more red before they're peeled.
• 24:04
  Eric: Also, we don't know people back then when they were invented.
• 24:07
  Eric: Um, you know, they might have had a different layout of rods and cones in their eyeballs, so maybe they looked more maybe they looked more red.
• 24:14
  Matt: And you know, this is way more than we have a minute uh to do, but you know, technically we don't know.
• 24:19
  Matt: This is something I've thought about all the time.
• 24:21
  Matt: What you perceive as red, what you perceive as purple, I could see as green, I could see as orange, but we have the same vocabulary.
• 24:27
  Eric: Oh, that keeps me up at night.
• 24:28
  Eric: I love it.
• 24:29
  Eric: Keeps me up at night.
• 24:30
  Matt: But anyway, I think it is because they're more red.
• 24:33
  Matt: They're more red, but they're red ish, like a burgundy on the outside.
• 24:37
  Matt: Yeah.
• 24:37
  Matt: And isn't that really in the red family after all?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:40
  Matt: Okay.
• 24:41
  Matt: Uh, Eric, shall we move on?
• 24:43
  Eric: Age old question TP over or TP under, and that's by Abby Boone13 on Instagram.
• 24:50
  Eric: What kind of fucking psychopath does it under?
• 24:54
  Eric: I mean, why?
• 24:55
  Eric: Just a piece of shit.
• 24:58
  Matt: It's more work.
• 25:00
  unknown: Yeah.
• 25:00
  Matt: What bastard?
• 25:02
  Matt: You were inv- First of all, and then you have to, you're telling me there is a world where you're ripping that off under style and not flipping it over to your.
• 25:14
  Eric: You're telling me you're telling me this is anything other than like a crazy happenstance?
• 25:19
  Eric: Like you changed it in the dark and didn't realize you were fucking it up so badly.
• 25:22
  Matt: Eric, if I change it in the dark and I realize it's fucked up, I'm changing it.
• 25:28
  Matt: Yeah, I'm changing it.
• 25:30
  Eric: You're because you're yeah, you're a well-adjusted member of society, Matt.
• 25:34
  Eric: The fucking arrogance of it.
• 25:35
  Matt: If you poop and you use your TP under, you need to go back to having an outhouse.
• 25:43
  Matt: I'm just gonna say it.
• 25:44
  Matt: Fuck you.
• 25:45
  Matt: Fuck you.
• 25:46
  Matt: Get out to the outhouse.
• 25:48
  Matt: Go out to the outhouse.
• 25:50
  Matt: Get 55 seconds left.
• 25:53
  Matt: For does a staircase go upwards or downwards?
• 25:56
  Matt: And that's from Dairy King 11 on Twitter.
• 26:00
  Matt: Uh well, huh.
• 26:03
  Matt: I think it depends.
• 26:05
  Matt: Well, you mean if you're if you're looking at it up or looking at it down.
• 26:08
  Eric: No, I think it depends which way it was built.
• 26:10
  Matt: Interesting.
• 26:11
  Matt: What I was gonna say is if there'd be no reason for the stairs at all, if not for a second floor, right?
• 26:18
  Matt: Yeah.
• 26:19
  Matt: So then if from that perspective, it has to be up 25 seconds.
• 26:23
  Eric: It has to be up unless we got a basement situation.
• 26:26
  Eric: Oh that's what I mean when I say which way you built it.
• 26:30
  Matt: If I'm building from a ground floor to a second floor, if you're building a house as a professional architect, wouldn't you start with the basement and go up?
• 26:37
  Matt: Don't you have to foundation we have?
• 26:39
  Matt: Who can say?
• 26:40
  Matt: I can say who can say so you but I have to depend on it.
• 26:47
  Eric: Fuck.
• 26:48
  Matt: I'm gonna know.
• 26:49
  Matt: We'll never know.
• 26:51
  Matt: We'll never know.
• 26:52
  Matt: We failed.
• 26:53
  Matt: We failed to answer the question, Derek.
• 26:55
  Matt: No, that's you know what?
• 26:56
  Matt: That's unacceptable.
• 26:56
  Matt: We have to say it depends.
• 26:58
  Matt: It depends.
• 26:58
  Matt: It depends.
• 26:59
  Matt: That you that that that's the best answer we we could come up with.
• 27:03
  Matt: Perhaps we have to revisit this one day.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 27:06
  Matt: Uh but thank you, Derek11, uh, for the question, of course.
• 27:10
  Matt: Thank you, Derek King.
• 27:11
  Matt: Thank you, Derek King.
• 27:12
  Matt: Uh so and uh Abby Boone 13, Sarah Feldman, DC T.
• 27:16
  Matt: Morrison simply Lindsay.
• 27:18
  Matt: Thank you all for the questions.
• 27:20
  Matt: Uh, Eric, I gotta say, yeah, haven't done a fast five in a while.
• 27:24
  Matt: I'm exhausted.
• 27:25
  Matt: That was good.
• 27:25
  Matt: Blood's pumping.
• 27:26
  Matt: Oh, blood is pumping, baby.
• 27:28
  Matt: I'm ready.
• 27:28
  Matt: I'm I'm red in the face.
• 27:31
  Matt: Whew.
• 27:31
  Matt: So, Eric.
• 27:32
  Eric: All right.
• 27:33
  Matt: Uh shall we move on now to uh our last question, uh our big last big question of the day, I should say.
• 27:39
  Eric: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 27:41
  Matt: So, our last big question of the day, Matthew.
• 27:43
  Matt: Oh, this I am so excited about the origin of this question.
• 27:47
  Eric: Dear listeners, this question comes from the very first email question we have ever received on this show.
• 27:59
  Matt: It happened.
• 28:01
  Matt: Someone typed our email into an address bar, wrote a question, hit send.
• 28:06
  Matt: And and of course, that email is you didn't ask for this gmail.com.
• 28:11
  Matt: Write us those letters.
• 28:13
  Eric: Grant asks, what is the cat in the hat's backstory?
• 28:17
  Eric: Is he a hero or a villain?
• 28:19
  Eric: How did he acquire thing one and thing two?
• 28:22
  Eric: Are they his children?
• 28:24
  Eric: Servants?
• 28:25
  Matt: Employees?
• 28:26
  Matt: Now, Grant, I gotta say thank you for the question right off the bat.
• 28:31
  Matt: Eric, I feel very strongly about Dr.
• 28:35
  Matt: Seuss.
• 28:36
  Matt: Do you do?
• 28:37
  Matt: I do, I do.
• 28:39
  Matt: I I I've enjoyed the tales as a child.
• 28:43
  Matt: I enjoyed Seussical from day one.
• 28:45
  Matt: I don't care what anybody says.
• 28:47
  Matt: It didn't need to grow on me.
• 28:49
  Matt: I didn't need to be part of the cult renaissance surrounding Seussical, baby.
• 28:54
  Matt: Okay, okay.
• 28:55
  Matt: I didn't mean to come out so defensive right out of the gate.
• 28:57
  Matt: No, that's fine.
• 28:58
  Matt: That's fine.
• 28:59
  Matt: Listen, so what I'm saying is I feel a connection to the cat in the hat.
• 29:05
  unknown: Okay.
• 29:06
  Matt: And I had never previously considered whether or not he was a hero or a villain.
• 29:11
  Matt: He simply was the fucking cat in the fucking hat, man.
• 29:15
  Matt: Cat and hat.
• 29:16
  Matt: That said, he does cause quite a disturbance.
• 29:20
  Matt: A ruckus, one might say.
• 29:22
  Matt: One might say.
• 29:23
  Matt: So to refresh everybody, now Eric, it should come as no surprises.
• 29:27
  Matt: I did a little bit of research on the cat and the hat ahead of time.
• 29:31
  Matt: I like to be one of us should be prepared.
• 29:34
  Matt: Yep.
• 29:35
  Matt: So I did a little bit of research, assuming that there was a backstory.
• 29:40
  Matt: Surely somewhere along the line, Theodore Geisel said, Oh yeah, Cat in the Hat came from this planet, this country of note.
• 29:51
  Eric: Also, nice, nice dropping his actual name there.
• 29:54
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:55
  Matt: Just sliding in, Theodore Geisel.
• 29:58
  Matt: I told you I feel very strongly about Dr.
• 30:00
  Matt: Seuss.
• 30:01
  Matt: Eric, there is none.
• 30:03
  Matt: There's none.
• 30:03
  Matt: I can't.
• 30:04
  Matt: I'm I if you go to the wiki, the Dr.
• 30:07
  Matt: Seuss wiki, of course there is one.
• 30:10
  Matt: There is no real backstory of the cat in the hat.
• 30:14
  Matt: Here's what it says: the basic description.
• 30:16
  Matt: The cat in the hat is a tall, anthropomorphic cat who wears a red and white striped hat and a red bow tie, and sometimes has an umbrella with him, mostly green, blue, or red.
• 30:27
  Matt: And he this says he is a farm cat of the short story The Cat in the Hat.
• 30:32
  Matt: And of course has gone on to be the overall symbol of Dr.
• 30:36
  Matt: Seuss.
• 30:37
  Matt: Yeah.
• 30:37
  Matt: He's he's the yes.
• 30:39
  Matt: The main mascot, if you will.
• 30:40
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 30:41
  Eric: And then of course portrayed by Michael Myers.
• 30:44
  Matt: Famously portrayed as Michael Myers.
• 30:46
  Matt: And let's not forget that he does come back.
• 30:52
  Eric: He does come back.
• 30:53
  Eric: I and real talk, I'm I'm I'm I'm thinking about this right now.
• 30:56
  Eric: I don't think I ever read the sequel.
• 30:58
  Matt: The sequel being the cat on the hat comes back.
• 31:04
  Matt: So basically, what happens for to give you all a very quick reminder, refreshing.
• 31:09
  Eric: Yeah, give us that give us that refresh.
• 31:11
  Eric: Give us that that recap.
• 31:14
  Matt: You've got these two adorable children.
• 31:17
  Matt: Their their parents are go away, say don't get into trouble.
• 31:21
  Matt: All of a sudden, bang a boom ba boom ba boom.
• 31:23
  Matt: Here comes the cat in the hat.
• 31:25
  Matt: He opens up a crate, and thing in one and thing two come out, they cause a ruckus, and then they go away.
• 31:32
  Matt: They go away seconds before the parents re-enter the house.
• 31:35
  Eric: They just fuck right off.
• 31:36
  Eric: And like, is the house like completely restored and so the house is completely restored.
• 31:41
  Eric: Oh, the fish.
• 31:42
  Eric: So their parents didn't leave it completely alone.
• 31:44
  Eric: They've left a fish to essentially babysit them.
• 31:47
  Eric: Or at least the fish has taken upon themselves to babysit the children.
• 31:50
  Eric: Because the fish is constantly throughout the story going, stop this.
• 31:54
  Eric: You can't do this.
• 31:55
  Eric: You're fucking up.
• 31:56
  Matt: Yeah, absolutely.
• 31:58
  Matt: Uh now to give you a um a refresher on the cat in the hat comes back, uh-huh.
• 32:03
  Matt: Uh here it is direct from the wiki.
• 32:05
  Matt: The cat in the hat made a return appearance in 195 in this 1958 sequel.
• 32:09
  Matt: He returns to the Walden's house where Conrad and Sally are seen working in the snow with shovels, not having time for the cat's bad tricks again.
• 32:18
  Matt: No, no.
• 32:19
  Matt: On this occasion, he leaves Thing One or Thing Two at home, but does bring along Little Cat A nested inside his hat.
• 32:28
  Matt: Oh.
• 32:29
  Matt: Little Cat A doffs his hat to reveal Little Cat B, who in turn reveals Little Cat C.
• 32:36
  Matt: And so on down to the microscopic Little Cat Z, who turns out to be the key to the plot of the problems being solved.
• 32:44
  Matt: The crisis involves a pink bathtub ring and other pink residue left by the cat.
• 32:49
  Matt: So the little cats from the big cats hat are working hard.
• 32:54
  Matt: At the end, during Little Cat Z's booming process, all of the cats are blown back into the cat's magical hat.
• 33:01
  Matt: The book ends with a burst of flamboyant ver versif versif versification.
• 33:08
  Matt: Versification?
• 33:10
  Matt: Versification.
• 33:12
  Matt: Versification.
• 33:13
  Matt: A burst of flamboyant versification with the full list of little cats arranged into a metrically perfect rhymed quatrain.
• 33:22
  Matt: It teaches the reader the alphabet.
• 33:27
  Eric: So fuck.
• 33:29
  Eric: Actually, Matt, after hearing that, I'm seeing a lot of parallels between cat in the hat and Buddhism.
• 33:36
  Matt: Okay.
• 33:37
  Eric: And for real, like I've been researching Buddhism a lot uh the past couple.
• 33:42
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 33:43
  Eric: It's a fascinating, it's a fascinating uh practice.
• 33:48
  Eric: So so so buckle up with me.
• 33:50
  Eric: Okay.
• 33:50
  Eric: Buckle up with me.
• 33:51
  Eric: Uh in Buddhism there's the concept of the four noble truths.
• 33:56
  unknown: Sure.
• 33:56
  Eric: And the first noble truth is there is suffering.
• 34:01
  Eric: Yes.
• 34:01
  Eric: Um many people erroneously translate this because it's translated from the Sanskrit word dukkha, which uh our closest translation of that word is, you know, our our flailing translation of that word is suffering.
• 34:14
  Eric: But dukkha just refers to not just physical pain or suffering, it just refers to like the general idea of like unsatisfactoriness of the way things are.
• 34:25
  Eric: Oh um, and a lot of Buddhism talks about like our we cling to things which causes dukkha, which causes suffering.
• 34:35
  Eric: Okay, yeah, sure.
• 34:37
  Eric: So in the first book, the cat in the hat represents dukkha.
• 34:42
  Eric: Yes, like he he represents uh that concept of suffering, these material objects being destroyed and ruined, and like the anxiety the kids feel, and like thing one and thing two, it's literally like just like it's the word for these unstoppable things that we cannot prevent.
• 34:59
  Eric: That's the big that's the other big refrain in Buddhism is like it's gonna happen.
• 35:04
  Eric: You're going to like bad things are going to happen.
• 35:07
  Eric: There's no way like you can avoid this.
• 35:10
  Eric: Um, but as the like the famous saying goes, pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
• 35:16
  Eric: And I think that the cat is trying to teach them is like, look, your shit's all gonna break, Doug.
• 35:21
  Eric: You're your your curtains are gonna get ruined, your everything's gonna, you're gonna grow old, you're gonna die.
• 35:25
  Eric: It's fine, like, it's okay.
• 35:26
  Eric: You don't have to suffer for it, though.
• 35:29
  Eric: And like he shows them, like, look, you're all like out of a tizzy, like over this ruined house or whatever, but now I'm gone.
• 35:36
  Eric: Everything's fine.
• 35:37
  Eric: You realize like it's it's fine.
• 35:40
  Eric: You're fine.
• 35:40
  Matt: And the fun's gone too.
• 35:42
  Eric: The fun's gone too.
• 35:44
  Matt: Now you're back to your boring little fucking life, Sally and Conrad.
• 35:48
  Eric: Yeah, it's about it's like you need to embrace this inevitable change if you're gonna live in the moment, children.
• 35:54
  Eric: Wow.
• 35:55
  Eric: Then we get to the second book, and you start describing to me that the cat, the cat comes back, the cat represents the suffering of duca.
• 36:02
  Eric: And he takes off his hat, and there's a cat under that hat, and then there's takes off his cat hat and there's a cat under that hat, and like so on and so forth.
• 36:09
  Eric: Um well, if if that doesn't represent the Buddhist concept of samsara, the realm of material things in which Duca propagates, like, dude, it's just cats the whole way down.
• 36:21
  Eric: It's the it's the entire cycle of it's the entire cycle of rebirth.
• 36:24
  Matt: You're making a c you're making a strong case here that the cat in the hat is Buddhist.
• 36:29
  Eric: Yeah, man.
• 36:30
  Eric: It's it's like I don't think he's a villain or a hero.
• 36:33
  Eric: I think in the truest Buddhist sense, he simply is.
• 36:36
  Matt: Oh, he simply is.
• 36:39
  Matt: Interesting.
• 36:41
  Matt: Okay, so he is he a hero or a villain?
• 36:43
  Matt: He's neither.
• 36:44
  Matt: But then let me ask you this, Eric.
• 36:46
  Matt: We have we have other parts of this question to address.
• 36:48
  Matt: What about thing one and thing two?
• 36:50
  Matt: First of all, thing one and thing two, not as children.
• 36:53
  Matt: We can we can rule that out.
• 36:55
  Matt: The cat is a fucking cat.
• 36:57
  Matt: Cat is a fucking cat.
• 36:58
  Matt: Thing one and thing two, yeah.
• 37:00
  Matt: Thing one and thing two are they're human-like, but they are not by they're certainly not cats.
• 37:06
  Eric: No, they're they're explicitly called things.
• 37:09
  Matt: They're explicitly called things.
• 37:12
  Matt: Not even named.
• 37:13
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 37:15
  Eric: But well, I think they are they are they have like labels, so like they know, and like who gave them those clothes that says thing one and thing two?
• 37:22
  Eric: I you know, I that could very well be the cat.
• 37:26
  Eric: That very well could be the cat.
• 37:28
  Eric: Maybe he needed some way to keep track of them.
• 37:30
  Matt: Yeah, that that I can see that being his uh his his doing there for sure.
• 37:35
  Matt: But so I think uh I don't think I think they're servants and employees both seems very derogatory, but I do think they seem to be in the service of cat in the hat, because even in Susicle, they only really pop up with cat in the hat, you see.
• 37:58
  Eric: Yeah.
• 37:58
  Eric: Are they like the little birds on his rhinoceros?
• 38:02
  Eric: Do they like is that like they know like if their thing is causing a a ruckus, as I as I've kept saying.
• 38:11
  Eric: Um if they know where if they know the cat is gonna be giving them a steady supply of ruckus to cause.
• 38:18
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 38:18
  Eric: Oh, you th so you're saying they need to cause a ruckus.
• 38:22
  Eric: They need I think they need to, and the cat recognizes their naturally destructive nature.
• 38:26
  Eric: So I think he's almost like aiming it.
• 38:28
  Eric: Like he's like, he's like, look, I'm gonna give you, I'm gonna give you all a healthy outlet.
• 38:31
  Eric: Because I think it's the cat that cleans everything up at the end.
• 38:34
  Eric: And so like he's like, Look, I'm gonna use you guys, I'm gonna let you guys wreck this fucking house, teach these children the meaning of suffering.
• 38:40
  Matt: Well, the cat does some wrecking too.
• 38:42
  Eric: And he does do some wrecking, yeah.
• 38:44
  Eric: But then I'm gonna clean up behind you, like because it oh fuck, man.
• 38:48
  Eric: Because like if now he might be a hero, because if he didn't do this, like they could probably be world-ending threats on their own.
• 38:56
  Eric: They possess supernatural powers, man.
• 38:59
  Matt: They are they are the Mew of this world, of the Seuss world.
• 39:04
  Eric: They they are, they're they're the Exodia.
• 39:08
  Matt: Yeah, they they are they could be an unstoppable force, as you put it.
• 39:12
  Matt: But although it should I don't know, actually, because if you recall, Conrad does at one point stop them with a net, which is pretty upsetting, actually, Conrad, when you think about it, to to be capturing someone and you're taking advantage of their size, for one thing.
• 39:26
  Eric: Yeah, it's kind of fucked up, Conrad.
• 39:27
  Matt: Kind of fucked up, Conrad.
• 39:29
  Matt: I think Conrad's the villain.
• 39:30
  Eric: I think Conrad, oh yeah.
• 39:31
  Matt: I think the longer I sit with it, Conrad and Sally are the villains.
• 39:35
  Matt: The anti-heroes.
• 39:36
  Eric: They're the villains in their own story.
• 39:38
  Eric: They like they they're they're so I'm just gonna take it back to Buddhism real quick.
• 39:42
  Eric: They're clinging so hard to this idea of like the nuclear family and having and like they have like they've chained themselves so hard to like we must be good children, like like we everything must be perfect.
• 39:55
  Eric: I know that like the things can show like, look, you care about this thing that doesn't matter so much.
• 40:02
  Eric: All I have to do is put some paint on this curtain and your day is ruined.
• 40:05
  Eric: What the fuck, dude?
• 40:06
  Matt: Like, stop you're so into into this preconceived notion that you have that when I, the cat, literally bring in bursting, bustling life into your house, all you can do is be upset about it.
• 40:22
  Eric: You reject it, dog.
• 40:24
  Eric: I'm like, why are you rejecting that?
• 40:26
  Eric: Be in the moment.
• 40:27
  Matt: Now I'm gonna leave, and guess what?
• 40:30
  Matt: You're gonna be back to your boring little life, and all this excitement happened, and at the end of the day, it was still fine.
• 40:37
  Matt: It was fine.
• 40:38
  Matt: Stop clinging Conrad, piece of shit.
• 40:42
  Matt: Conrad and Sally.
• 40:44
  Matt: What are you, fucking six?
• 40:46
  Matt: God damn.
• 40:48
  Matt: You should know better.
• 40:48
  Matt: You should be live, you you kids, you should be having fun with me, the cat.
• 40:53
  Matt: Yep.
• 40:54
  Matt: And my things.
• 40:55
  Matt: And my things.
• 40:56
  Matt: That sounds a little bad to put it that way.
• 40:58
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 40:59
  Matt: But nevertheless, Eric, you know, I so what we've learned is the cat and the hat is Buddhist.
• 41:04
  Eric: Is Buddhist, yeah.
• 41:05
  Eric: Cat and the hat, the cat in the hat might be a Buddha.
• 41:08
  Eric: Like, I'm I'm I hope that's I'm not elevating him even further.
• 41:11
  Eric: Yeah, he might be a Buddha or a bodhisattva.
• 41:14
  Eric: I can't I can't be sure.
• 41:16
  Eric: Sh sure.
• 41:18
  Eric: A bodhisattva is a uh is is a is someone who has attained enlightenment but is delaying their final, their like like has basically promised like, look, I've attained enlightenment, I'm ready to escape the cycle of samsara, but I'm actually gonna stay behind for a bit to help as many people as I can before I go.
• 41:35
  Matt: Wow.
• 41:36
  Matt: Yeah.
• 41:37
  Matt: Well, uh just to make sure, to follow up on the thing and the to one and the second thing as well.
• 41:43
  Matt: I uh I looked at them up on the wiki, very, very little information about them.
• 41:50
  Matt: It just says, in terms of what they are, are human-like twins from The Cat and the Hat.
• 41:55
  Matt: They, of course, do not appear and The Cat and the Hat comes back.
• 41:58
  Matt: They do make an appearance in Zeusical, and they also appear in the TV series The Cat and the Hat knows a lot about that.
• 42:04
  Eric: Ah, I was about to say, in all this time, we didn't end a joke with just one rhyme.
• 42:09
  Matt: Hmm, didn't we?
• 42:11
  Eric: Hmm.
• 42:12
  Matt: Hmm.
• 42:13
  unknown: Hmm.
• 42:13
  Eric: Hmm.
• 42:14
  Eric: Namaste.
• 42:15
  Matt: I think, Eric, I think we've I think we've answered the question.
• 42:19
  Eric: Oh, I think we answered the shit out of that question.
• 42:21
  Matt: I mean, I think my mind has been, dare I say, enlightened.
• 42:27
  Eric: Oh, Matt, what's that?
• 42:29
  Eric: Right on your forehead?
• 42:30
  Eric: I think I see your third eye uncalcifying.
• 42:33
  Eric: Here it comes.
• 42:34
  Matt: And what does it see?
• 42:36
  Matt: A pink sky, baby.
• 42:39
  Matt: A big old pink sky.
• 42:40
  Matt: Me and the cat living our lives.
• 42:43
  Matt: Oh, the thinks you can think, my friends.
• 42:47
  Matt: Oh, man.
• 42:48
  Matt: So Grant.
• 42:49
  Matt: Uh Grant, truly thank you.
• 42:51
  Eric: Thank you for being our first email, Bubby.
• 42:53
  Matt: Thank you for the question.
• 42:55
  Matt: Uh, and of course, of course, if you have a question for the show, you can submit it to us via uh Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, as you as many of you have at uh you letter you didn't ask pod, the letter you didn't ask pod, all three of those networks.
• 43:11
  Matt: But you can email us you didn't ask for this spelled out at gmail.com.
• 43:16
  Matt: Send us your letters.
• 43:18
  Matt: Send us your you know, honestly, honestly, you could send us a complaint.
• 43:23
  Matt: We'll allow it.
• 43:24
  Matt: We'll allow it.
• 43:25
  Matt: We'll allow it until we won't, until we can't stop it.
• 43:31
  Matt: Until the deluge is too great and we are overtaken.
• 43:35
  Eric: We have to change our names and go into protective hiding.
• 43:38
  Matt: Until we're finally and for once and for all canceled.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 43:43
  Matt: Uh it's coming, uh, I'm sure that day will come and come soon.
• 43:47
  Matt: But in the meantime, Eric, uh, before we go, I think we it I think we have time to do uh a couple more questions that have been submitted to us that that are related to questions we've done in the past.
• 44:00
  Matt: So Matt, are you suggesting that we We trying to circle back?
• 44:04
  Matt: I'm trying to follow up.
• 44:06
  Eric: Circle back follow up.
• 44:07
  Matt: A little circle back follow-up.
• 44:09
  Matt: I think it's time.
• 44:10
  Matt: Now and it's specifically, Eric, these questions that uh we're gonna present now, uh we've got two of them.
• 44:17
  Eric: I was gonna ask, what what hard-hitting topic are we are we Eric?
• 44:21
  Eric: It's one we've uh it's one we've explored many times.
• 44:25
  Eric: Many times, I I would say.
• 44:27
  Matt: That topic is, of course, bread.
• 44:30
  Eric: Oh fuck, man, this is gonna be it.
• 44:32
  Matt: Now, most of the both of these really um are referring to the free bread, the gin restaurant.
• 44:40
  Matt: And of course, we uh we did do a definitive ranking of the best chain restaurant free breads.
• 44:49
  Matt: Yep.
• 44:50
  Matt: Uh as as as we did back in, it was episode 19.
• 44:55
  Matt: Uh the false scrivener.
• 44:57
  Matt: That's Eric.
• 44:57
  Matt: Uh if you haven't listened to that, go back, give that a listen.
• 45:02
  Eric: That re that definitive ranking, by the way, that one like of my friends who who who listened to the show, that was a good one.
• 45:09
  Matt: It's our most recent one, too.
• 45:10
  Matt: I don't think we've done one since, no?
• 45:12
  Eric: No.
• 45:12
  Eric: Uh we got to get one in here.
• 45:14
  Eric: We got a good one in the pipeline.
• 45:15
  Eric: I can't wait for it.
• 45:16
  Eric: Got a couple, actually.
• 45:17
  Eric: Yeah.
• 45:18
  Eric: Uh but that the bread ranking is the one I've had the most of my friends come up to me and say, How dare you?
• 45:24
  Matt: A lot of people a lot of people have strong feelings about our bread ranking.
• 45:29
  Matt: And they can't help that they're wrong and we're right.
• 45:31
  Matt: I they can't help it.
• 45:32
  Matt: And if they really felt that way, they could have written us an email.
• 45:35
  Matt: Yeah.
• 45:36
  Matt: Uh so that uh I say I'm just putting it out there for you.
• 45:40
  Matt: Yeah, just putting it out there.
• 45:42
  Matt: I'm just saying.
• 45:43
  Matt: I'm just I'm just saying just saying, friends.
• 45:46
  Matt: I don't know what character I just became.
• 45:48
  Matt: Um but these come to us from Updog PM, who, of course, uh uh along with uh Amy Sanka Coffeeface uh had the Twitch debate about bugles that they requested our uh our help for.
• 46:03
  Matt: So you can check that out on Up Dog PM's Twitch stream.
• 46:08
  Matt: Uh and the second one comes from Dairy King 11.
• 46:11
  Matt: That's right, the second time today.
• 46:13
  Eric: So Dairy King Eleven getting two questions in one episode.
• 46:16
  Matt: And well, we did, you know, Eric, I do feel I do feel, you know, he uh he he referred to it on Twitter, our our our treatment of him in the last episode as a roast.
• 46:28
  Eric: Um and I did we clap back on him so fucking hard, man.
• 46:33
  Matt: We did.
• 46:33
  Matt: We clap back a little hard too hard.
• 46:35
  Eric: A little too hard, like we a little too hard.
• 46:37
  Eric: We obliterated Dairy King, and for that, we are sorry.
• 46:41
  Matt: And and so we wanted to include both of these questions in one episode to this is our olive branch.
• 46:48
  Eric: Yeah, Dairy King as as as a way to say we're sorry, we clapped those cheeks so fucking hard on you.
• 46:55
  Matt: We we bowed down before the Dairy King.
• 46:59
  Eric: The 11th of his name.
• 47:01
  Eric: With utmost humility, please forgive us for roasting you so goddamn bad.
• 47:05
  Matt: Dairy King 11's question is When is it acceptable to eat the bread on the table?
• 47:12
  Matt: Can you eat it as soon as it's put down?
• 47:14
  Matt: Do you have to wait for your food to come?
• 47:16
  Matt: Should you wait a few minutes so you don't seem like a starving savage?
• 47:21
  Matt: Yep.
• 47:21
  Matt: From Dairy King.
• 47:22
  Matt: And uh Eric, you want to read us Up Dog PM's?
• 47:24
  Eric: Updog Updog PM's question is Is there a line when it comes to free bread?
• 47:30
  Eric: They sometimes say it's unlimited, but is there such a thing as asking for too much of the free bread?
• 47:36
  Eric: These are good questions.
• 47:37
  Eric: These are good and they're intimately intertwined.
• 47:40
  Eric: Intimately intertwined.
• 47:41
  Matt: Shall we st they are intertwined, but shall we, as a starting place, can we start with Dairy King?
• 47:46
  Eric: Oh, absolutely.
• 47:47
  Eric: Uh that was gonna be my suggestion.
• 47:48
  Matt: Because he does ask, he he they they are even asking what is the acceptable starting place?
• 47:54
  Eric: When can you eat it?
• 47:55
  Eric: I'm a firm believer, as soon as that bread is down on the table, you can eat it.
• 47:59
  Eric: Like it the whole thing.
• 48:00
  Eric: As soon as it's there.
• 48:01
  Matt: Sometimes it's there before you are.
• 48:03
  Eric: Yeah, oh yeah, for sure.
• 48:05
  Eric: You do not have to wait for your food to come.
• 48:07
  Matt: That is insane.
• 48:09
  Matt: Why would you even as far as I'm concerned, the window for the bread is between the time it touches the table, yeah, and the time the food gets there.
• 48:20
  Eric: Now, there is such a thing to speak to should you wait a few minutes so you don't seem like a starving savage, there is something to be said about uh one of two scenarios.
• 48:30
  Eric: Scenario one, obviously, don't be reaching for bread before the basket has even touched the table.
• 48:36
  Matt: Calm down, dude.
• 48:37
  Eric: Like, don't try to like call paw in at your server as they try to just put your bread down.
• 48:43
  Matt: The other one is You can't take the you can't take the ship to Cheddar Bay until it docks.
• 48:48
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 48:49
  Eric: Correct.
• 48:51
  Eric: But here's the thing, here's the scenario, Matt.
• 48:53
  Eric: And and I feel like you have to have found yourself in this scenario.
• 48:57
  Matt: I'm sure I have.
• 49:00
  Eric: You're in a group of people.
• 49:01
  Eric: Let's say there's there's five, let's say there's six of you.
• 49:04
  Eric: Hey feds.
• 49:06
  Matt: I said feds.
• 49:06
  Matt: Hey feds.
• 49:08
  Matt: I was hanging out with the feds.
• 49:09
  Eric: You're hanging out with some feds.
• 49:10
  Eric: Uh the basket comes down.
• 49:13
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 49:14
  Eric: There are six of you.
• 49:16
  Eric: There are four pieces of bread in that basket.
• 49:19
  Matt: Yeah.
• 49:20
  Matt: Yeah, that's an immediate ask for more bread.
• 49:22
  Eric: Yeah, it's an immediate ask for more bread.
• 49:24
  Eric: I was like, oh, can we get another?
• 49:25
  Eric: And usually they'll just be like, oh, hey, can we can we get another one?
• 49:29
  Matt: Uh could we any chance we could get four more?
• 49:32
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 49:33
  Eric: Yeah.
• 49:33
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 49:34
  Eric: And in that situation, let's say, let's say, let's say the unthinkable happens, Matt.
• 49:38
  Matt: What's the unthinkable error?
• 49:40
  Eric: Oh, the unthinkable is the server looks back at you like, oh, that will cost extra.
• 49:45
  Eric: I don't think that's ever happened to me, Eric.
• 49:47
  Eric: But it could.
• 49:48
  Eric: There's a non-zero chance.
• 49:50
  Matt: If that happens, Eric, that's the last time I'm eating that in in that establishment.
• 49:54
  Eric: Oh, for oh, for sure.
• 49:55
  Eric: But in the meantime, there's bread on the table.
• 49:57
  Matt: In the meantime, there's bread.
• 49:59
  Matt: Well, you gotta pay for it, I think.
• 50:00
  Matt: You got to.
• 50:01
  Matt: You're telling me otherwise, there's six of us, there's four things, and you want two people to what split it?
• 50:07
  Matt: No, no.
• 50:08
  Eric: Let's go, let's go, let's go with the even, let's, let's, let's add some more trolleys to this problem.
• 50:13
  Eric: Uh, they put the they put the bread down and they say they say it costs extra.
• 50:19
  Eric: And they're like, we'll order more.
• 50:21
  Eric: Fuck you.
• 50:22
  Eric: I just want to say, fuck you, comes out of my mouth before I can stop it.
• 50:25
  Matt: Yeah, 100%.
• 50:26
  Eric: Before I can even stop it.
• 50:27
  Eric: You can't help it.
• 50:28
  Eric: There's the righteousness within you boiling up.
• 50:30
  Eric: But then they say, Oh, actually, we're now out of bread.
• 50:35
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 50:36
  Eric: That's the last, that's the last basket of bread.
• 50:39
  Matt: And I'd say, I'm sorry, is this the end of days?
• 50:44
  Matt: There's a bread strike happening.
• 50:46
  Matt: I'm sorry.
• 50:47
  Matt: Is the is is the rapture taking place?
• 50:50
  Matt: What where did the bread go?
• 50:53
  Eric: There, I don't know, man.
• 50:55
  Eric: All I know is bread bread strike.
• 50:57
  Eric: Bread strike.
• 50:58
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 50:59
  Eric: I know.
• 51:00
  Eric: A yeast shortage.
• 51:01
  Eric: The bakers will rise.
• 51:07
  Matt: Listen, they so the okay, so the breaker, the breakers have risen.
• 51:11
  Matt: What is wrong with me today?
• 51:14
  Matt: The bakers have risen.
• 51:16
  Matt: Yep.
• 51:16
  Matt: And now there's no bread.
• 51:18
  Matt: I mean, that's just a complete breakdown.
• 51:20
  Matt: I don't know what I'd do.
• 51:21
  Eric: I don't know what I'm imagining you you're standing on the table ripping your shirt off, ripping myself, flagellating myself before the waiter.
• 51:31
  Eric: Oh damn you.
• 51:32
  Eric: I think you're like casting the bread down to the floor.
• 51:34
  Eric: Pay them what they are due.
• 51:36
  Eric: Cast it away.
• 51:38
  Eric: Let the bread gods know we've paid sacrifice.
• 51:41
  Eric: And meanwhile, I'm like, well, we could just cut the pieces of bread in half and just like okay.
• 51:47
  Matt: You could, but we should, as customers, we shouldn't be put in that position.
• 51:51
  Matt: No.
• 51:51
  Eric: No, no, no, no.
• 51:52
  Eric: Goodness no.
• 51:53
  Matt: So I would immediately ask for more bread.
• 51:55
  Matt: Yeah.
• 51:56
  Matt: But that's a that's a that's an outlier.
• 51:58
  Eric: That's an outlier.
• 51:59
  Eric: But all that to say, no, like as soon as bread is on the table, I would say as soon as your server, like if we're talking about just in terms of not looking like a breadthy bitch, um, as soon as your server has turned and is walking away from your table, that's when you can just reach over and start taking bread.
• 52:19
  Matt: And Eric, let me ask this follow-up question to this follow-up question.
• 52:23
  Matt: Yeah.
• 52:24
  Matt: Like, have you ever actually to address the the other question?
• 52:29
  Matt: Is there a line when it comes?
• 52:31
  Matt: And what is the window?
• 52:33
  Matt: Because I said previously uh that I think the window for eating this bread is from the time you receive it to the time your food comes.
• 52:42
  Matt: And you may continue to eat it, perhaps, and perhaps you got something with a nice sauce that is very dippable.
• 52:48
  Eric: Yep, yep.
• 52:50
  Matt: But I think you're doing that with remaining bread.
• 52:53
  Eric: You've got to you've gotta start you've gotta start portioning out that bread.
• 52:57
  Matt: My question to you, Eric, is have you ever ordered or if it's free, it's not really ordering.
• 53:04
  Matt: If have you ever requested additional bread after receiving your entree?
• 53:09
  Eric: Yes, but only at one location and it was Outback Steakhouse.
• 53:13
  Matt: Interesting.
• 53:14
  Matt: Well, I thought for sure you're gonna say Red Lobster for the Cheddar Bay biscuits you feel so strongly about.
• 53:18
  Eric: Well, I've gone, I've never I've only gotten the Cheddar Bay biscuits from Red Lobster.
• 53:23
  Eric: So if you recall, I have gone, I have never sat down and eaten a meal at Red Lobster.
• 53:30
  Eric: I've just gone and picked up biscuits.
• 53:33
  Matt: Perhaps I need to go back and listen to episode 19, the false scrivener.
• 53:37
  Eric: But I have done be simply because that fucking bread roll is such a good breakfast.
• 53:43
  Eric: Like, I I will legitimately just take the loaf.
• 53:45
  Eric: I like I don't take it to eat.
• 53:47
  Eric: I'm like, I'll say, I'll say, like, hey, could you bring me one of those loafs?
• 53:49
  Eric: Can you like wrap it up?
• 53:50
  Eric: And they're like, yeah, sure.
• 53:51
  Eric: They're delicious.
• 53:52
  Eric: They're delicious, absolutely delicious.
• 53:54
  Eric: But yeah, is there a line?
• 53:56
  Eric: I feel like once plates are cleared, if you're still asking for bread, that's weird.
• 54:02
  Eric: I don't think it's ethically wrong.
• 54:04
  Eric: I just think it's weird.
• 54:05
  Matt: I think if you've asked, I I think it is slightly unorthodox, I'll say, yeah, to to request bread after getting your entrees.
• 54:14
  Matt: I do think it's atypical, but I don't think it's unacceptable.
• 54:17
  Eric: Yeah.
• 54:18
  Eric: Yeah.
• 54:18
  Matt: Especially if you have something dippable.
• 54:21
  Eric: I think if here here's the line.
• 54:23
  Eric: Here is the line.
• 54:24
  Eric: I figured it out.
• 54:27
  Eric: If they have brought you the check and you ask for more bread, that is the line.
• 54:33
  Eric: That is a hard line.
• 54:34
  Eric: That is a hard line.
• 54:35
  Eric: Because I think if you have if you have paid and you are fucking, if the check is on the table, and you uh it I don't think they'd even do it.
• 54:44
  Matt: Because most most establishments I've been to, yeah, once you get your check, that waiter disappears.
• 54:51
  Matt: After they've been tipped and the transaction is officially over, they want you to get out.
• 54:57
  Eric: I am so happy you brought that up.
• 54:59
  Eric: They're not coming back.
• 55:00
  Eric: So here's the shitty position.
• 55:02
  Eric: Here's the third trolley.
• 55:04
  Eric: Okay.
• 55:05
  Eric: You're a server, right?
• 55:06
  Eric: I am.
• 55:07
  Eric: You you bring you bring you bring you bring the check, you lay it down.
• 55:11
  Eric: There, here you go, folks.
• 55:12
  Eric: Here you go.
• 55:13
  Eric: Whenever you're ready.
• 55:14
  Eric: And whenever you're ready.
• 55:16
  Eric: And the guy pulls out his wallet, you see his wads of cash.
• 55:19
  Eric: There they are.
• 55:20
  Eric: And he's like, oh, by the way, can we get another order of bread?
• 55:24
  Eric: Hasn't paid yet.
• 55:25
  Eric: Hasn't tipped you yet.
• 55:27
  Matt: I mean, if he hasn't tipped me yet, I gotta do it.
• 55:29
  Eric: I know.
• 55:30
  Eric: And I think you have to, and that, and that's what's so super shitty about it.
• 55:33
  Matt: I think it is shitty, but you know what I might do?
• 55:36
  Eric: What?
• 55:36
  Matt: Uh he says, so there he is.
• 55:38
  Matt: Can you give that can you give me that line again, Eric?
• 55:40
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 55:41
  Eric: Oh, uh sorry, I mean you're gonna hear the foley sound of my wallet filled with cash opening.
• 55:47
  Eric: Oh, can we get another order of bread?
• 55:50
  Matt: Okay, now zoom in on my face, which real quick, you'll see my eyes as they look, they're looking you in the eye, and then suddenly they clock down to the wallet, then back up to your eyes.
• 56:01
  Matt: Yeah, sure.
• 56:01
  Matt: Let me go get your some bread, of course.
• 56:04
  Matt: One more look down to the wallet, and then I'm off.
• 56:07
  Matt: And I come back and I give you your brown bread for the Cheesecake Factory.
• 56:11
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 56:12
  Matt: Here you go.
• 56:12
  Matt: Oh, here you are, sir.
• 56:13
  Matt: Did you have time to uh fill out that uh fill out the fill out the check?
• 56:18
  Eric: And it's just his entire wallet.
• 56:19
  Eric: He's like, here, here, my son.
• 56:22
  Eric: You passed the test.
• 56:24
  Matt: $4,000.
• 56:25
  Matt: Thank you.
• 56:26
  Matt: Fuck yeah.
• 56:29
  Eric: Yeah.
• 56:29
  Eric: I I feel like that entire concept, I'm I'm just gonna, folks, this is this is just gonna be me.
• 56:35
  Eric: This is gonna be raw Eric Poach for a second.
• 56:38
  Eric: Raw Eric Poach.
• 56:40
  Eric: You gotta love it.
• 56:41
  Eric: If you are ever the kind of person who leverages the fact that another human being is depending on you for their tips and their wage into you getting service that you know you should not be getting or special treatment, say it.
• 56:56
  Eric: You're a fucking piece of shit, and I hope you tear your ACL.
• 57:00
  Matt: I hope you tear your ACL.
• 57:02
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 57:02
  Matt: Fucking Christ.
• 57:03
  Matt: Fuck you, man.
• 57:05
  Matt: How dare you!
• 57:06
  Eric: Also, side note if you're ever the kind of person who says, I don't tip because the American tip system is is parasitic and blah blah blah blah, then you're not allowed to eat out.
• 57:16
  Eric: You're not allowed to eat out.
• 57:17
  Eric: A, yeah, the tip system sucks.
• 57:20
  Eric: It's awful.
• 57:20
  Eric: B, you still need to fucking tip.
• 57:22
  Matt: You still need to tip, you still need to tip if you can't and and this is true, this is true.
• 57:29
  Matt: You know, uh if we're gonna get into semi-serious territory for a second, if you're going to say you can't afford to tip, then you can't afford to eat out on my baby.
• 57:40
  Matt: Sorry, babe.
• 57:41
  Matt: I'm afraid to say, and by the way, that tip should be I uh should start with a two and uh nothing else, because 15% is no longer the acceptable minimal tip.
• 57:52
  Eric: Yeah, sorry, Doug.
• 57:53
  Eric: That's the price.
• 57:53
  Matt: The the last time I gave 15% to somebody was when they were openly rude to me.
• 57:59
  Matt: That was the last time.
• 58:00
  Eric: Oh, yeah, they would have like 20 is 20% is the default.
• 58:03
  Eric: Like you would have 20% is the default, and like I would have to get exceedingly bad service.
• 58:07
  Eric: And when I say bad service, I mean the server is actively like heart like causing me harm.
• 58:13
  Eric: Because like, what my food comes late?
• 58:14
  Eric: Why the fuck am I holding the server responsible for that?
• 58:16
  Eric: They're not cooking it.
• 58:18
  Matt: Also, the the tip has a has great power.
• 58:20
  Matt: If I if I could tell you for just a second, because the most of these, when you are tipping somebody, this is their livelihood.
• 58:27
  Matt: Because the system is broken, the system sucks.
• 58:32
  Matt: As so many systems in in America are.
• 58:35
  Matt: It is broken, and so they're relying on these tips.
• 58:38
  Matt: And so you're gonna say, oh, they were a little late with my cheddar bay biscuits, so I'm giving them 10%.
• 58:43
  Matt: Fuck you.
• 58:44
  Matt: Fuck you.
• 58:45
  Matt: But the so 20 is the minimum, but here it it behooves you to do this because if I could give you a little anecdote, Eric.
• 58:53
  Eric: An anecdote, please.
• 58:54
  Matt: And a little anecdote.
• 58:55
  Matt: At a former place of uh uh employment of mine, uh, I went with some coworkers to the bar next door, right?
• 59:00
  Matt: Yep.
• 59:01
  Matt: Uh and this was one of this was uh early in my time there, so I knew uh uh that I would be coming to this bar quite a bit.
• 59:08
  Matt: You know, it's right next door.
• 59:09
  Matt: It's gonna be the afterwork bar, you know?
• 59:11
  Matt: Yeah.
• 59:12
  Matt: Yeah.
• 59:12
  Matt: So the the bartender, for some reason, you know, we were it was after work just hanging out, how to drive home, all that stuff.
• 59:18
  Matt: So I was just having a beer, just a single solitary beer.
• 59:22
  Matt: And the bartender, he was really, you know, for for lack of a for lack of a better expression, he was really busting my balls.
• 59:29
  Matt: You know what I mean?
• 59:30
  Matt: Yeah.
• 59:31
  Matt: He was just giving me some shit for the sake of giving me some shit.
• 59:34
  Matt: And, you know, everybody's laughing.
• 59:36
  Matt: And it's right, um, it's the borderline of like, okay, the first couple jokes were funny.
• 59:42
  Matt: Oh god.
• 59:42
  Matt: And now I'm sort of like, okay, now I'm getting less okay with it, you know.
• 59:47
  Matt: But everybody's having a good time, so I'm having a good time too.
• 59:51
  Matt: So what I did, Eric, for this person who I was starting to think was getting to be a little rude.
• 59:57
  Matt: Gotta be sick, gotta get I uh Eric, I ordered one beer.
• 1:00:01
  Matt: This is we're talking a happy hour beer, so like six bucks, whatever it was.
• 1:00:05
  Matt: I tipped him 25 bucks.
• 1:00:08
  Matt: And guess what?
• 1:00:09
  Matt: He shut the fuck up.
• 1:00:10
  Matt: Me and that bartender were best buds for years.
• 1:00:13
  Matt: For years.
• 1:00:15
  Matt: For years.
• 1:00:16
  Matt: I never gave him another tip that encroached.
• 1:00:19
  Matt: No, but he'll never forget it.
• 1:00:21
  Eric: But he'll never forget it because always tip your bartender well.
• 1:00:24
  Matt: I did him, I did him solid.
• 1:00:26
  Matt: Did him solid.
• 1:00:27
  Matt: And also just always tip the bartender.
• 1:00:28
  Eric: That's also the trick to getting your order just taken immediately.
• 1:00:31
  Eric: Like the first drink you buy, tip hard.
• 1:00:33
  Matt: Tip so hard.
• 1:00:34
  Matt: And you know, I always tipped him well, of course.
• 1:00:36
  Matt: I just never went so far above and beyond.
• 1:00:38
  Matt: But when I walked into the bar from then on out, he saw me and said, usual, Matt, you know, over other people.
• 1:00:45
  Matt: Be like, usual, and just put it on the bar for me.
• 1:00:48
  Eric: So what I'm saying is, yeah, just fucking tip people.
• 1:00:52
  Eric: Side note, this is a pro tip.
• 1:00:54
  Eric: Proach pro tip.
• 1:00:55
  Eric: Poach pro tip.
• 1:00:56
  Eric: Pro pro pro poach tip, coach poach tip.
• 1:00:58
  Eric: Pro poach tip.
• 1:00:59
  Eric: Fun fact.
• 1:00:59
  Eric: Uh so I re and I imagine a lot of people are finding them themselves in this situation more and more because less people are just using cash as a rule.
• 1:01:07
  Eric: Um, I found myself at a wedding, uh, and I was at the open bar, and I'm getting up at the bar, I'm like, oh fuck.
• 1:01:14
  Matt: I'm gonna stop you right now.
• 1:01:15
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:01:16
  Matt: This is my wedding.
• 1:01:17
  Eric: No, was not your wedding.
• 1:01:18
  Eric: All right.
• 1:01:19
  Eric: This is this, yeah.
• 1:01:19
  Eric: This this was this was just a couple weeks ago.
• 1:01:22
  Eric: And I got up to the open bar, I get my drink, I'm like, fuck, I have nothing with with which to tip this person.
• 1:01:26
  Eric: P.S.
• 1:01:27
  Eric: If you don't tip at an open bar at a wedding, you're a piece of shit.
• 1:01:30
  Eric: Um, so I asked him, I asked the bartender, you can do this, and 90% of the time their answer will be yes.
• 1:01:37
  Eric: Just ask, hey, do you have a Venmo?
• 1:01:39
  Eric: I can send your tip.
• 1:01:40
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:01:40
  Eric: And they'll fuck like some of you like even have started carrying little signs or they'll have the little QR code.
• 1:01:45
  Eric: If you're ever in a situation where you don't have cash, but you're at a free, like, free bar situation where you're like, you need to tip, just ask them if they have a Venmo.
• 1:01:52
  Eric: And then Venmo them the tip.
• 1:01:54
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:01:54
  Matt: You can tip there's always uh in this day of age, there's always a way to tip.
• 1:01:58
  Eric: There's always a way to tip.
• 1:01:59
  Eric: There's no excuse.
• 1:02:00
  Eric: Tip.
• 1:02:02
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:02:03
  Matt: Eric, I think we I think we went a little far down.
• 1:02:05
  Eric: I think we went a little far down a rabbit hole.
• 1:02:07
  Eric: Uh, but yeah, bread.
• 1:02:08
  Eric: So so anyway, back to the bread.
• 1:02:11
  Eric: Uh the line is if the check has come, you best not be ordering bread.
• 1:02:15
  Matt: Yeah, and I think you know, you reach degrees uh of you know, if the plates have been cleared, really not cool.
• 1:02:24
  Matt: Uh and I'd say even after you get your food, you're starting to enter the gray area of when it's like, uh, you know, we're past the bread phase.
• 1:02:34
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:02:34
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:02:35
  Eric: Let go.
• 1:02:36
  Matt: But uh let it go, man.
• 1:02:37
  Matt: Let it go.
• 1:02:38
  Matt: Uh so anyway, updog PM, Dairy King 11.
• 1:02:42
  Matt: Thank you for the question.
• 1:02:43
  Matt: Thank you for the questions.
• 1:02:44
  Matt: Thank you for the question.
• 1:02:45
  Matt: Uh and that, you know, that's gonna just about do it here for us.
• 1:02:49
  Matt: Dingle dangle do it.
• 1:02:51
  Matt: Dingle dangle do it here on episode 29.
• 1:02:54
  Matt: Uh Eric, can you believe it?
• 1:02:55
  Matt: The next one's the big 3-0.
• 1:02:57
  Matt: Oh, three-o, baby.
• 1:02:59
  Matt: Uh Eric, I I think we, as we've already said, uh, I already reminded everybody they can submit their questions to us.
• 1:03:06
  Matt: Uh, you didn't ask pod, the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook.
• 1:03:11
  Matt: They can already do that.
• 1:03:13
  Matt: I've already told them they can submit their questions at you didn't ask for the sigmail.com along with letters, recommendations for local legends, so on and so forth.
• 1:03:22
  Matt: I already told them that.
• 1:03:23
  Matt: Is there any other business that uh we uh we should bring to the our our fans' attention?
• 1:03:29
  Matt: Nah, I've said my piece.
• 1:03:31
  Matt: All right, good.
• 1:03:32
  Matt: Uh so you know, if you haven't already, drop us a review, especially on Good Pods.
• 1:03:37
  Matt: Uh, if you haven't tried out Good Pods, uh give this episode a listen on Good Pods.
• 1:03:41
  Matt: Why don't you?
• 1:03:42
  Eric: Give it a listen, give it a listen, give it a like.
• 1:03:43
  Matt: Let's uh manipulate those charts.
• 1:03:45
  Matt: If you're going back to the false scrivener uh for a definitive ranking, head on over to Good Pods.
• 1:03:51
  Eric: It's a good one.
• 1:03:52
  Eric: It is a good one.
• 1:03:53
  Eric: You get to listen to me use the wrong word for an entire episode.
• 1:03:55
  Eric: It's great.
• 1:03:56
  Matt: It's a great time.
• 1:03:58
  Matt: Uh so get you know, give us a listen, give us a rating, and uh of course on the Apple Podcasts and everywhere else, the Pod Chaser, drop us some stars, why don't you?
• 1:04:07
  Matt: If you could.
• 1:04:08
  Matt: After all, it's a nice way to say thank you.
• 1:04:12
  Matt: You see how I brought it around?
• 1:04:15
  Matt: Yep, that was good.
• 1:04:16
  Matt: That's good.
• 1:04:17
  Matt: You see what I did there?
• 1:04:18
  Matt: Yeah, I'm a fucking professional quality.
• 1:04:21
  Matt: That's what twenty-nine episodes get ya this level of quality.
• 1:04:26
  Matt: Alright, that's enough patting on the back.
• 1:04:28
  Matt: From all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
• 1:04:30
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea.
• 1:04:32
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:04:33
  Matt: And you didn't ask.
• 1:04:34
  Eric: But I would tip you with a fox.
• 1:04:36
  Eric: I would tip you in a box.
• 1:04:39
  Eric: I would tip you in a boat.
• 1:04:41
  Eric: I would tip you with a goat.
• 1:04:46
  Eric: I I could I could, I would tip you in a house.
• 1:04:50
  Eric: I could, I would tip you as a mouse.
• 1:04:53
  Eric: I ordered these green eggs and ham, so I'll tip you for them, Sam.
• 1:04:57
  Eric: I am.
• 1:04:58
  Eric: Thank you.
• 1:05:03
  Matt: As well as you should.
• 1:05:05
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:05:05
  Matt: That's how commerce works.