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Mental Mondays with Black Girl Interrupted Podcast · Black Girl Interrupted Podcast

0:00
Speaker 1: What's up? What's up? What's up? Y'all, y'all already know
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who it is. It's your girl ass. Bring y'all another
0:06
episode of Black Girl Interrupted podcast. And you know what,
0:10
I'm gonna do something different. I'm gonna switch it up
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on y'all now. So, yes, I'm still gonna I'll be back.
0:17
Y'all just have to give me some time. But for
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right now, right now, right now, y'all just have to
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let me get back into this. Y'all have to let
0:29
me get back into my space. But tonight I sat
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down with a couple of friends and I said, I
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want to start doing something different on Mondays. Let's start
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doing our mental health Mondays. So Mental Mondays. I'm gonna
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go live every Monday a thirty pm Central time now
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and thirty Eastern time for mental Mondays. And the reason
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I selected this is because mental health is at an
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all time high right now. The unliving rate is at
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an all time high, particularly in a black community. Yes,
1:16
this is men's mental health a month. What is mental
1:20
health for everybody? Not just men, everybody. And I want everybody, everybody,
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everybody to take care of your mental That's what I
1:32
want to every want to do. So I want to
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start doing these weekly check ins. I just want to
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know how you're doing. I want to know how you're feeling.
1:39
I want to know how your week has been, how
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has your day been. And the reason I want to
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do this is because last week or two weeks ago,
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I myself was taken into the hospital by the police
1:58
for attempting to un alive myself. This is my first
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time ever speaking about it out loud. M y'all bet
2:15
with me. Everyone that's new to my life, everyone that's
2:17
new to my chat. I'm very emotional. I'm a very
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very very emotional person, and I just want people to
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know that you're not alone. I want people to know
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that you don't have to sit in this by yourself.
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So last week before last m H, I had an
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altercation with my mother and my sister. He sus hey,
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I love you, don't forget y'all tap the screen, show
2:57
your girls some love. And I was already in a
3:04
mental state of being overwhelmed and overstimulated. Just bought a
3:19
house with my husband back in April. And you would think,
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you know, you should be happy. I should be in
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a beautiful state of mind right now. I should be happy.
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I should be over the moon, but I'm overwhelmed. I
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work at a company that is not good for my
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mental I'm on my fourth mental health leaf with my job.
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Let me back up a little bit. So on May
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the fifth, May the seventh, I had a nervous breakdown.
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I work from home. It's overwhelming. A lot of people say, oh,
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I want to work from home or just working from home.
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It is beautiful, it's great, but they don't tell you
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the mental part of it. They don't tell you the
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mental side. They don't tell you how work never leaves.
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They don't tell you the things that you experience working
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from home. Yes, it's beautiful. You don't have to sit
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in traffic, you don't have to get up and get dressed,
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you don't have to do all this, that and the third.
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It's beautiful. But after a while it starts to affect
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your mental So here I am. I'm having a meltdown.
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I call my mom and I say, Mom, I need
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you to get over here now. She says, I can't go.
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I can't leave right now. I get it. I understand,
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I respect it. My mother was in the process of
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having her home remodeled, so I call the employment assistance
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program that we have through my job. At this point,
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I tell I say, you know what, I gotta go.
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I gotta get out of this house. I'm about to
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tear everything up. I'm about to crash out. I go
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to the die. My doctor immediately says, I'm pulling you
5:05
off work effective today. I don't care what anybody says.
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I'm pulling you off work effective today. I said, Okay,
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I gotta get my mental in chest. So here we
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are a few weeks later after this, again this transpired,
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made the seventh made the fitting. Somewhere around there, I
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have an altercation with my mother and my sister. Mind you,
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my mental state is not in I'm not in the
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best mental state. Let me say that, let me be honest.
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Has thus I'm not, but I keep going, you understand,
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I keep going. I just you know, my mom is
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trying to get in our house. You know, hey, I'm
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just happy to be around my mom till we have
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an altercation, not a physical but a verbal verbal altercation.
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My sister jumps in. It just goes from there. In
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this moment, I'm like, you know what, I'm done. I
6:08
can't do this anymore. I'm tired, y'all. I'm tired. Life
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would be so much better for people if I was
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not here. That was thought process is if I just ended.
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I want to be free. I'm tired. I want to
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be in peace. So I pulled six bottles of pills
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and I set it on my cabinet. I send my
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mother a text? Can I tell her? Basically? I told
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her take care of my kids. I'm tired. I want
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to be free. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired.
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I felt more of a burden than I did. It's
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a blessing. Police come the first time they come, because
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they came twice. First time they come, I'm like, you
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know what, get the f out of my house. I'm
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cussing everything because I don't want to be saved. Let
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me go. I wanted to die. I just wanted to
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end it right then and there in that moment. Because again,
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y'all have to understand, depression and anxiety is real. Some
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things are easier than others for people. You know, people say, oh,
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depression is not real. Yet it is. It's absolutely real.
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I live it every day. Hey baba, I love you.
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Life would be easier if my kids would be much happier.
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I wouldn't be a burden to anybody. So the second
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time the police. The first time police come, I'm like, no, no,
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I deactivated the alarm, no one could get in my house. Nothing.
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I just wanted to just leave me. The second time
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they come back, my son comes, my son comes, and
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I let my son in, and this time it's t
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It's two police officers at this point, it's two, not one,
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just two. So I grabbed my son and I immediately
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fall into my son's arms because, y'all, I'm hurting. I'm hurting.
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I'm hurting. I'm hurting, I'm hurting, and I just wanted
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to pain to stop. So one of the officers, Officer Harris,
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comes in and he says, talk to me, what's going on,
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miss Ashey, what's what's going on? What's what's the problem.
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And I say, I'm tired. I'm tired. I need peace.
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I'm tired of hurt and I'm tired of the pain.
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I'm over it. I just can't seem to do anything right.
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So this police officer says, sit down and just really
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talk to me. In that moment, I'm like, why are
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you even here? You know, because in my mind. I'm thinking,
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just go leave me alone, just let me, just let
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me unalive myself and be done. And he said, I
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can't even let you do that. So I said, I
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don't want to talk. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying
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right here in my house. This officer tells me, he says,
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I can't leave you like this. He said, if I
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leave you and something happens to you, that wouldn't sit
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right with me. I didn't care in that moment. I'm
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just I'm being honest with you. I didn't care. I
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just wanted just let me, just just let me lay there.
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So he talked to me, and this man prayed over me.
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This officer prayed over me. And in that moment, I'm
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holding I'm still holding my son. I'm still hugging my son.
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And I told my son, I said I need you.
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I said, I fight because of y'all. I'm still here
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on this side because of my children. My son says,
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I need you too. So I had to fight. I
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had to fight because I figured and realized I'm bigger
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than my pain. I have a husband, I have six
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beautiful children, three that are biological, two beautiful grand babies.
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What would life be would like be like for them
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if I left. So I go, I go to the hospital.
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I let them take me. I get there. I'm high
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as a kite. And this is my first time saying this.
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I took some of those pips I did, and I
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just wanted to stay. I just wanted to lay there,
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just leave me. So I go, I go, and they
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kept me twenty four hours. I go, I go, and
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all the way that I pray and I say, God,
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if you give me out of this, I won't do
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this again. Please. I prayed all the way and I
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heard God say, I've never left you. I never left
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you because if I wasn't here, I wouldn't you wouldn't
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still be here. I pray, and I can't praying.
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Speaker 2: Man.
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Speaker 1: Let me tell you, I don't ever think I prayed
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that hard in my life until that day. And I
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asked God, I just need you to remove those intrusive thoughts.
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I need you to pull me out of the dark,
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because see, the dark was safe for me. The dark
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was a place that I wanted to be because see,
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when I'm in the dark, can't nobody heard me. You
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can't hear me in the dark. I'm protected in the dark.
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At least that's the way that I'm feeling that I'm
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protected in the dark. But how can you be safe
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in a prison that you created for yourself. When I
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look back at my life, I look at how hard
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I was taught to be. I was taught not to
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depend on anybody. I was taught to be independent. I
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was taught that. I was taught to be that way.
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I was taught that you don't tell people what goes
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on in your house. I was taught you just pray
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things away. Let me say this, and I'm a firm
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believing God because baby's seven times that I tried, God
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kept me every time. Every time God kept me. God
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didn't leave me nowhere. God kept me saying I've been
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with you this entire time. So when I reached out
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to my therapist and told her, she said, you needed
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this to happen for the shift to come. And I said, okay,
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God said you needed this shift in order for your
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life to change. You needed a shift that they happened.
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Speaker 2: Spirit.
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Speaker 1: I get on this live today not for sympathy, not
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a cloud, but I know there's somebody that's going through
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exactly what I'm going through right now, and I want
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to encourage you. I want to love on you. Mental
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health is important, and a lot of people are not
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taking mental health care. It's a lot of people think, oh, oh,
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what are you depressed about? You got this and this
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and this, And just because I have all of that
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doesn't mean I can't be depressed. And I want other
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people to understand and know you're not by yourself. You're
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not on this journey alone. Let's walk together. Let's hold
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each other's hand. Let's be a safe space for everybody.
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Because people are scared to tell their business. I'm not
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scared to be vulnerable and transparent with you, guys. I'm
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not afraid of that.
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Speaker 2: No more.
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Speaker 1: You understand I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. My husband
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told me, he said, they you just yes so much
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of your life, I said, because my experience could help somebody.
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So I'm supposed to get up here and I'm supposed
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to share it. I'm supposed to let people know what
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goes on so I can help somebody. Depression is real.
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My traumas are real. My traumas are to the point
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where I bled on my children. You understand I bled
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on my children. I failed my children in the beginning,
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I hurt my children. In the beginning, I wasn't the
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best person to people because I was told to be hard.
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I never got to a place in my life where
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I could just be soft. And being hard, y'all, it
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got me arrested. I've been in jail before. I've been arrested.
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I used to kick holes in my BOM's wall because
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my temper, because I wanted to be hard all the time.
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Now I can be soft. Now I'm finally a place
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in my mind that I could be safe. I laid
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there in that room, y'all, with my husband sitting next
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to me, and I prayed and I cried. Then I asked, God,
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soften my heart, but don't change it. I don't want
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to be angry anymore. I don't want to be bitter
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with people anymore. I don't want to be that weak.
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What I'm grieving now is I've had to go no
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contact with my mother, the one woman. I love everything
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about this woman, but she's dangerous to my mental How
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do you deal with it? How do you learn to
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distance yourself from the very same person that you love
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but they're a tricker to you? How do you do that?
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How do you cope with that. Did I want to
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go that way with my mom? No? I didn't. But
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I needed it for me. I needed it for my peace.
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I needed it for my sanity, because if I'm in
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chaos over here, and I'm in chaos over there, where
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is it safe for me? Where is it safe? I
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don't want to be angry anymore, y'all. I don't want
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to fight. I don't want to argue with people anymore.
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I don't want to do this anymore. I want to
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one day be able to sit down and cohesively have
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a beautiful conversation with my mother and my sister without
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the emotions, the trauma that I've carried. I'm ready to
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let it go. I don't think people understand how trauma
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and what it does to you physically, what it does
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to you mentally, what it does to you emotionally. I
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was so emotionally detached from people I'm married to a
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man that I was afraid to let leave me. I
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was afraid. If you ask me today how I feel
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one day at a time. Today, I'm in a good space. Mentally,
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I'm in a good space today. I'm back on my meds.
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But I'm afraid all at the same time. And I'm
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afraid because I don't know what peace looks like. I
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don't know what that looks like. I've never had that.
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I've never had a sense of peace. I've never had
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a space where I can relax, where I could take
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a load off, where I could just sit down and say,
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you know what.
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Speaker 2: I.
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Speaker 1: But today I am. I got up today. I thank God.
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I gave God all the glory today when I woke up,
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because I could not have woke up today. God could
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have took me two weeks ago. God could have said,
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how your time is up, let's go. But God left
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me here. God told me, he said, you have to
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understand and realize the things that you have. I say,
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but God, make me explain it to me. Show me.
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God says, you have a house, you got a roof over.
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Yet he said, there's somebody out there that doesn't. You
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got food on your table. You got somebody out there
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that doesn't even know where their next meal is coming from.
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God says, you have a job. I say, but he said,
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but there's no but you're employed. There's somebody that's getting
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a pink slip today. There's somebody that got walked out
21:54
of their job yesterday, says, you have a purpose here.
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He's saying, you know what your purpose is? I say,
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for God? He said, there's no butt. You have purpose. Period.
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I kept you here for a reason. Period. He didn't
22:20
even stop and explain to us. But why me? He says,
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why not you? If I tell y'all, there are some
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days that I don't even understand why God keeps blessing
22:38
me the way that he does. There are some days
22:56
and I asked God, what is my purpose? He says,
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you know what it is? And I've told you and
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I've showed you. He say, as big as your mouth is,
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use it. Talk to people, he said, because baby, you
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know how to get them. He said, your energy.
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Speaker 3: You just.
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Speaker 1: And I say, but God, He say, there's no butt. God,
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you know what your purpose is. You stand in your
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own way. I say, but God, but I don't. He said,
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you know what your purpose is? You dim your own life.
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He says. You get out there and you advocate for people.
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You tell them your story, talk to them about your
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mental health, let them know that it's okay to not
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be okay some days. So I'm letting y'all know it's
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okay to not be okay, So it's okay to self
24:02
isolate for a moment. See me, when I self isolate,
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I do it, and I do it for weeks at
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a time, and there are a lot of people that
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didn't understand that. And I didn't realize that self isolating
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was doing more bad than it was good for me.
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But I thought it was okay. But the most dangerous
24:34
place to be is in your thoughts. Those intrusive thoughts
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look safe to me. The dark looks safe to me.
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I wanted to be there. I didn't want y'all in
24:47
my space because I didn't feel like you understood. I
24:52
didn't feel like you even understood what I had going
24:54
on until I made that post the other day. And
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I contemplated on even posting that because when people look
25:06
at me, they're like, oh, Ashley, but you look so happy,
25:10
but I'm drowning. My therapist told me, she said, Ashley,
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you have high function you are a What does she say?
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I have high functioning depression, which means I walk around
25:25
and act like everything is okay, and I'm drowning on
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the inside. And I don't tell people because I don't
25:30
want to be a burden of people. I don't want
25:31
to bother people because you know why, because y'all have
25:34
your own issues, not realizing that when you tell people
25:42
what you have going on, you're not walking by yourself.
25:51
And I felt alone. That's why I took That's why
25:57
I grabbed those pills because it's the easiest thing for
26:00
me to do. Let me put myself out of my misery.
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If you're struggling, man, talk to somebody. Please reach out
26:13
to somebody. Don't sit by yourself. Don't sit in the dark.
26:16
Don't sit alone, because we see you. We love you.
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Speaker 3: Man.
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Speaker 1: You're needed, You're wanted. Y'all drop in the comments. Today
26:33
is Monday. We're doing our mental mondays. Let me know
26:36
how you're feeling. How are you doing today, what happened today?
26:43
What can we do to get you over the hip,
26:45
over the hum What do we need to do? Do
26:48
you need us to just love you? Do you need
26:50
us to just be an ear? Do you need us
26:52
to just be a shoulder? What do you need for
26:54
us to do? What do you need us to do
26:57
for you? What we need for you is we need you,
27:07
We need you here, We need you here. You're wanted,
27:11
You're needed, your loved baby, don't never feel like you're
27:17
not Never feel like you're not appreciated. Stop fighting with
27:23
people to be appreciated and acknowledged, because I'm tired of
27:30
fighting to be in spaces that I don't even fit in.
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You understand because God created you in his likeness. God
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created you to be different. God didn't want you to
27:43
fit in everywhere. You understand because not every space is
27:46
meant for you. But I was fighting for that. I
27:50
wanted to be in those spaces. I wanted to be loved.
27:52
I wanted people to accept me. I wanted people to
27:54
just acknowledge me. So I was doing things for people
27:57
to see me, for people to acknowledge me, for people
27:59
to say, oh, my god, there's Ashley right there. Oh
28:02
she's just I strived for that validation. I begged for
28:08
the validation because I didn't feel like I was getting
28:10
it at home. I didn't hear my mother tell me
28:17
she loved me. A lot of times. All I heard
28:25
was you remember this, you remember this, you remember this.
28:29
Stop taking me back to an address that I no
28:31
longer resided. Give me the grace. No, I was not perfect, people,
28:37
Let me, let me, let me, let me tell y'all.
28:42
I was a horrible mother in the beginning. I was
28:45
a horrible person in the beginning. I didn't know how
28:47
to be a friend. I didn't know how to be
28:48
a girlfriend. I didn't know how to be a mother.
28:50
I didn't know how to do any of that because
28:52
I was so I was so jaded. I was so broken,
28:55
you know what. Let me let me rephrase that. I
28:57
was craped because he broken. You can't be replaced, you understand.
29:01
So I was cracked. So I didn't know how to
29:08
love people. The first man that was supposed to ever
29:12
loved me was my father beat me and I ended
29:20
up in hospital. The man that was supposed to love
29:25
me try to underlie my mother because my mother.
29:28
Speaker 2: Left him, and.
29:31
Speaker 1: She left him because he did some things to my
29:34
sister that were inappropriate. I'm not ashamed to share my story.
29:43
I'm not ashamed to tell y'all that, because see, these
29:46
are things that go on in our household that we
29:48
don't talk about. We don't discuss these things because people
29:53
are afraid. But this is my healing, this is my healing.
30:09
So I carried that I'm a domestic abuse survivor. I
30:18
started looking for love with men because I didn't get
30:24
that love from my father, but I still loved him.
30:27
Though I still loved my dad despite everything he did,
30:32
I still fought for a relationship with my brother, I
30:35
mean my father. I wanted to be in the streets.
31:02
I wanted to party, I wanted to go out. I
31:04
want the club. So I didn't love my children properly.
31:14
The reason I I I couldn't, And you know what,
31:18
let me back up, the reason I accepted the bare
31:21
minimum from people is cause I wanted to be loved
31:25
so bad and it didn't matter where the love came from.
31:32
So I would in these abusive relationships. I'm a domestic
31:35
abuse survivors three children, three different men. My mother raised
31:47
my children.
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Speaker 2: She did.
31:53
Speaker 1: See. There are a lot of people out here that
31:56
won't even talk about that. There are a lot of
31:58
people out here that won't even address that. But this
32:01
is my healing, This is our healing, This is our time.
32:04
This is our moment where we released, where we let
32:08
the trauma go. You understand this is our moment. This
32:11
is not my moment. This is our moment. I created
32:14
this space for us to be able to release. So
32:25
I left went to Atlanta after Katrina, left my children
32:32
with my mother, got arrested. I didn't trying to hustle,
32:52
got caught up, went to jail now once but twice,
33:02
started drinking real heavy. There were the days I'd wake
33:07
up was drunk before twelve noon, but I would still
33:13
get up and go to work. I was facing twenty
33:18
years in prison. This was my first attempt. I just
33:29
couldn't do right. I just couldn't get it together. Six
33:36
months after that, I attempted again. One way or another,
33:43
I'm gonna get out of here. I can't do this
33:53
that since the ten years probation, I come back to Texas.
34:01
I have my third baby. By this time, y'all have
34:03
two children. To come back. I had my third baby
34:09
and oh nine. In two thousand and nine, I went
34:12
back to school. I'm doing everything right. I don't have
34:18
no call. Still living in home with my mom with
34:21
my three children. Depression sets in again. I remember these
34:29
days like they were yesterday, y'all, like they were yesterday.
34:36
That was my third attempt. After I had my baby.
34:44
I did. I did because in my mind, y'all, I
34:54
again I felt more of a burden than I did
34:56
a blessing. Ere I had my mother's raising my children.
35:00
I'm working at Jack in the box, I'm going to school.
35:03
I don't have no card, nothing, So what was my purpose?
35:11
What was my purpose? So my third atten was in
35:16
twenty ten. I got okay after that, and my mother
35:26
get into it again. At this time. You know, me
35:28
and my mother were like cats and dogs. Hey, pool,
35:35
I leave this time. I say, you know what, I
35:38
can't come back here. I go back to Atlanta. This
35:43
is twenty fifteen. At this point, doing good. I got
35:52
a roommate, things not going well with her. Here comes
35:58
attempt number four. I'm asking God, why do you keep
36:03
taking me through this? Man?
36:04
Speaker 2: I'm tired.
36:05
Speaker 1: Well, my body just can't take no more. I I
36:07
just can't keep doing this. This is twenty fifteen. By
36:10
fourth or tenth, I move out. At this point, I'm
36:22
going from pillar to post in Atlanta. I lose my job.
36:33
There's this cycle all over again. My last attempt was
36:40
in twenty seventeen, twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen. That was a
36:45
temp number five. Maybe God really does need me here,
36:53
maybe he really wants me here. I leave Atlanta. I
36:57
moved to Mississippi with a guy. My children still in Houston.
37:04
I try to come back to Houston, get an apartment
37:08
down here. My Mom's like, I No, I know what
37:16
I gotta do now, I get a hustle more. I
37:24
gotta get back to you. So I gotta get back
37:25
to text. I gotta be back on my babies, man,
37:27
my kids, or why I'm still here. I get back
37:31
to Houston twenty eighteen. I'm good.
37:33
Speaker 2: You know.
37:33
Speaker 1: I'm in my own place. Got a car now, nice job.
37:36
I'm good till twenty twenty one. My niece Go's missing February.
37:59
February twenty twenty one. My niece Gool's missing March for
38:08
twenty twenty one, I lose my dad. I didn't even
38:22
get a chance to say so. I'm dealing with that.
38:32
I'm dealing with the loss of my father. I'm dealing
38:34
with we don't know what my niece is until July.
38:51
They find my niece's body along with another young lady
38:59
bury behind the shop is Plaza in Georgia. I'm devastating
39:09
because I'm still grieving the loss.
39:10
Speaker 2: Of my dad.
39:14
Speaker 1: I'm still trying to fight, y'all. I'm still trying to
39:16
push through. I lose two more people in twenty twenty one.
39:32
I'm like, God, I can't do this.
39:34
Speaker 2: I'm tired.
39:41
Speaker 1: March tenth of twenty twenty two, I lose my godmother.
39:49
I say, God, I'm tired. I end up having it
39:56
is directed me in twenty twenty two health issues. There's
40:05
my dreams of having another baby. They don't tell you
40:13
how your emotions are after you have a hysterectomy. I
40:22
broke down one day. I broke down. I call my
40:32
k my children at like two o'clock in the morning,
40:34
one o'clock in the morning. This was a tip number six.
40:43
This was a tip number six till finally I tell
40:49
my doctor, I say, you know what, I just can't
40:51
do this anymore. I need something. My depression is getting
40:56
the best of me. My anxiety is all over the place.
41:00
I've got blackout shades throughout my whole apartment. I no
41:07
longer wanted to be in the light anymore. Twenty three
41:17
rolls around. It's a fan of good Year until a
41:25
couple of weeks ago, when I had a complete nervous breakdown,
41:36
and those pills look wonderful to me. They did. I
41:46
wanted it. I wanted every pill that was in the bottle.
41:54
I wanted every pill.
41:57
Speaker 2: I did.
42:04
Speaker 1: So when I send my mother that text, I told her,
42:07
my Mo'm tired, take care of my children, you know.
42:13
I told her, remember me, and here I am today.
42:26
I'm here today. Yo. We gotta keep fighting. We gotta
42:36
keep fighting, y'all. We gotta let the world see us.
42:44
I know it's easier said than the I know it is,
42:53
but we gotta stop. And we gotta think about who
42:55
we would leave we will be leaving behind. We're needed
43:02
in this world. We're needed. Some of y'all may not
43:06
feel like you are, but I need you. Some of
43:13
y'all don't feel like you love. I love you. I
43:17
want you to win. I want y'all to win. I
43:23
want everybody to win. I wish I could just take
43:29
the pain away from everybody. I wish I could. But
43:35
please don't give up. Please don't sit by yourself. Everybody
43:43
has a strong friend. Check on that strong friend. Y'all.
43:45
Let me tell you something. We take all the time
43:49
out of our days to share foolishness on social media.
43:56
We take our time out of our days to get
43:58
on these social media platform forms and we talk about
44:02
how black men ain't this and black women ain't that
44:06
we always talk about politics and things, but we never
44:10
stop to think about our mental We don't never stop
44:13
to talk about our mental We don't never stop to
44:16
create safe spaces to talk about our mental We don't
44:20
do that. And then when you hear about someone that
44:27
you know that's battling depression or depression has defeated them,
44:33
Oh my gosh, I should have reached out. Now is
44:36
the time reach out to that strong friend. You don't
44:44
understand what a text to do to a person's day.
44:48
You don't know what that hug would do to a
44:51
person's life. You just don't even understand to seek just
44:54
to have somebody say, you know, Ashley, I'm proud of you,
44:58
or just to text me and say, hey, you know what,
45:00
since I love you, I'm just checking on you. Everything good.
45:03
We gotta start doing that before it's too late, before
45:08
we get into spaces like this. Because I could be
45:12
gone right now, but God told me I got a
45:16
bigger purpose here. God says I have something greater for you.
45:23
You can't see it because you're letting the devil cloud
45:28
your mind and your judgment and your thoughts. You're letting
45:32
the devil do this and that to you and you
45:36
not even listening to me. I'm telling you, any storm
45:42
I bring here too don't mean I'm not gonna bring
45:44
you through what you understand God has told me. Just
45:50
because I bring you to a storm, don't mean you
45:52
gotta get wet every time it rains. We gotta start
45:58
fighting to be in spaces that we don't even belong.
46:00
And you understand. We gotta stop looking for acceptance for
46:04
people that do nothing to our lives. But we're all
46:08
guilty of it. So I get on this platform today
46:11
and tell y'all, today is Monday. This is mental Monday.
46:15
Protect your mental take a break, detach yourself from things, refocus.
46:24
You gotta relax, relate and release. You understand. I'm up
46:29
here to day. This is my release for me. Right now,
46:33
I'm sharing, and I'm telling y'all I've been in a
46:36
dark space for the last month. I attempted to take
46:41
to unlive myself. I did that. So my door is open,
46:52
my line is open, my inbox is open. If we
46:55
need to talk, if I need to get you over
46:58
a hump, or you need to get let's make safe
47:01
spaces like that for each and ever last one of us.
47:05
We don't do that, y'all like, and it upsets me
47:08
because we don't do this. We talk about everything that's
47:13
not of importance instead of focusing on what's really important.
47:18
Do y'all understand the unlive and rate and Black men
47:22
is thirty I believe it's thirty six or thirty seven
47:25
percent higher than white's, Asians and Latinos. Between the ages
47:31
of twenty five and thirty six, black men black women
47:37
were struggling because we trying to carry the weight of
47:40
the world on our shoulders, because we're trying to be
47:42
mim we trying to be the working woman, were trying
47:45
to be entrepreneurs. When are we gonna stop and take
47:49
time for ourselves? When are we gonna stop and say,
47:51
you know what, I gotta take care of me right now.
47:55
I just told my sister earlier today. You gotta start
47:59
telling people no, it doesn't matter if they get upset
48:02
with you. You have to protect your piece and your mental
48:05
at all times. Baby. You have to stop trying to
48:09
reach out to people that ain't reaching back for you.
48:16
So I shared to I got on here today and
48:19
I wanted y'all to know what I had going on
48:23
because I love y'all you understand what I'm saying, Like
48:27
I don't think y'all really truly understand that my circle
48:32
of people I love y'all, Like y'all are so good
48:36
for my mental right now, Like y'all are so good
48:38
for my peace right now. The energy is what I
48:41
needed right now. I needed to get out. I needed
48:44
to get up here today, and I needed to tell y'all, man,
48:46
I've been struggling, and I've tried seven times, y'all seven
48:51
You understand I've attempted seven times to take my life,
48:57
seven with the most recent being two weeks to go.
49:02
I'm not shamed to share my story like that with nobody.
49:09
I'm not ashamed. I'm not I'm not afraid to tell
49:11
nobody that I'm struggling now, I'm drowning. Y'all help me,
49:17
but I want to. I want to reach out before
49:19
I even get to the point, before it gets too
49:22
dark for me. You understand right now, I'm in a light.
49:25
It's bright. I woke up today. I woke up refreshed,
49:28
you know, in a in a beautiful space. I woke
49:32
up today differently. I gave God, like I said, my
49:37
praise and worship at the end of the night, when
49:41
this is over, I'm gonna thank God for the day,
49:44
put my music on and reflect on what what did
49:47
I do productive today? And that's getting up here and
49:52
loving on y'all. So anybody that's watching, dropping the comments,
49:57
let me know how are you feeling today? Today? Is Monday?
49:59
Is mental Monday? Yes, I know June is Men's Mental
50:03
Health Awareness Month, but every day is mental health awareness
50:07
every day, every day, not just June, not just May,
50:12
every day every day. So I need everybody, everybody that's watching,
50:19
let me know in the comments, how are you feeling today?
50:23
What happened yesterday? Did you wake up today and today
50:28
just wasn't so good? Do you need me to pray
50:32
with you? What do you need me to do. I
50:35
want to be a safe space for somebody, because you
50:37
know what, we didn't have these safe spaces back then.
50:43
Don't be afraid and ashamed and embarrassed because you're struggling.
50:50
My sister K three mother, she says, today was rough,
50:53
but I'm pushing to make it. Let me tell you something.
50:58
You have a beautiful business that I need you to
51:01
really walk into your purpose. This lady here, let me
51:04
tell you something everybody does comment and everybody is in
51:06
the follow Everybody reach out to somebody. My sister Ka
51:13
three mother does nails beautiful, but she's afraid encourage her.
51:20
I need someone to encourage her. My brother trap crystals.
51:24
My brother does jewels.
51:27
Speaker 3: You know.
51:30
Speaker 1: My brother. I'm reading a comment. Shaw, I'm still here,
51:36
I promise, Okay, Bubba. My sister Babe says, today has
51:45
been a headache. These last two weeks have been a headache,
51:47
but I'm pushing through. They gonna My sister Kim, Hey Kim,
51:52
that's my girl. Let me tell you something, my sister says.
51:59
She say that the devil was visited day. She said,
52:01
I'll be trying to let everything go, but it's hard.
52:03
Let me tell you something. Let me tell you what
52:04
my therapist told me. My therapist told me. If you're
52:07
gonna be upset or be mad, be mad about it
52:09
right then and there. If you're gonna be angry, be
52:12
angry about it then and there. Because whatever happened yesterday,
52:19
you can't change what happened yesterday. Because today is Monday.
52:22
So whatever happened on Sunday, you can't change what happened
52:24
on Sunday. You gotta focus on the day. My sister
52:28
Nikki says, I've been in dark places and felt the same,
52:31
but snapped out of it. God has a purpose for me.
52:33
God absolutely has a purpose for you. He absolutely does.
52:40
And a lot of us stand in our own way,
52:41
a lot of a step on our own tools. I
52:45
need everybody that's in the comments, please tap in with
52:49
my girl, Kimberly Latis. She is a coach. She's a
52:53
life coach. So if anybody that is struggling, she is
52:57
a life coach. She is licensed. Tap in with my
53:00
sister Kimberly Latis LLC. She's in the comments. Y'all tap
53:05
in with her. When I tell you, thank you, Miss Mairah.
53:11
Peace to you, baby, Peace to you. Let me tell
53:14
y'all something you don't know who can help you. You
53:23
don't know who can help you. You don't know who's path.
53:32
Uh ohh, my lives stopped, y'all. Let me go back.
53:48
Speaker 2: Oh I know it.
54:02
Speaker 1: I see Wow, So they took my live. I can't
54:10
go live until tomorrow. Let me see. Yeah, I can't
54:21
go back live until tomorrow. That's crazy. But they get
54:29
on here y'all very much. So this is crazy.
54:37
Speaker 2: Y'all.
54:42
Speaker 1: But they get on these platforms, y'all, and they talk
54:45
about all types of stuff. Kim, come over to Facebook,
54:49
let me tell her, y'all. Let me get back over here, y'all.
55:00
Hold on, why I tell you, Oh yeah, I definitely
55:23
want to hold on, y'all. I'm still here with y'all.
55:53
Let me go back, all right. Why I tell you,
56:00
this is crazy, baby, these folks hell and then who y'all,
56:08
let's let's get back to this.
56:20
Speaker 2: All right.
56:21
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna even worry about that because see, and
56:24
that's the problem with these platforms. This is what upsets
56:27
me with these platforms. Let me hold on, y'all. I'm
56:37
still here with y'all. This is this is the type.
56:41
This is what I'm talking about when I see conversations
56:46
like this definitely need to be had. Conversations like this
56:51
need to be had, and for y'all to clip conversations
56:55
like this, this is why people suffer in silence. This
56:59
right here is exact why people suffering silence is because
57:03
y'all clip and y'all monitor conversations like this. This is
57:08
absolutely disgusting to me. I think I think this is
57:13
absolutely disgusting to me. Let me let me. This is
57:23
what I don't understand is that y'all clip these lives
57:30
when we need to have conversations like this, and then
57:33
y'all wonder why people suffer in silence is because when
57:36
people try to create safe spaces, the devil comes in
57:39
and tries to attack, kill, and destroyed this right here.
57:44
I'm gonna keep talking. I'm gonna keep holding spaces like
57:48
this because what you're not gonna do. You're not gonna
57:50
silence me. You're not gonna stop me from advocating for
57:55
people in their mental health. That's not what y'all are
57:57
gonna do. And I think this is crazy. Y'all put
58:00
these y'all put these these resources out here, but then
58:03
when we get up here to have these conversations, y'all
58:06
want to clip us. This is mad, crazy, and I
58:09
don't like it. This is why we need to create
58:12
our own platforms. We're gonna figure out a way around this.
58:15
TikTok may not want us over here over that, but
58:18
guess what we're gonna We were gonna. We're gonna stay
58:20
over here with Facebook. Let me find my suster, kim,
58:23
let me see everybody say baby, let me tell you.
58:32
I love y'all. I love y'all. I love y'all. I
58:35
love y'all I do. I love y'all so much. I
58:39
love you everybody. I do. But this is crazy. And
58:43
then you wonder why people suffer. But it's imperative that
58:49
we have conversations like this. You want to know why,
58:53
because this conversation could save somebody's life, This conversation could
58:57
take care and hear one person. But for y'all to
59:01
clear me like that, TikTok. Say let's say less, baby,
59:06
say less, absolutely say less. We good over here, We
59:11
good over here, We good over here, we good over here.
59:15
We gonna make it do what it do. You understand,
59:17
we gonna make it do what it do. We gonna
59:20
make it do what it do. That's what we gonna do.
59:23
This is r This is crazy. I promise this is crazy.
59:28
But anyway, back to our conversation, back to what I
59:32
was saying, But your mental health is imperative. And I
59:37
want people to know that I love y'all. I want
59:40
y'all to know that I'm thinking about y'all. I want
59:42
y'all to know that I'm gonna forever be praying for you,
59:45
and I want you all to pray for me. Pray
59:49
did I come out of this this season that I'm
59:52
in right now, because it's rough. It's been hard for
59:55
me in this season. It's been very rough for me.
1:00:02
And I shared that video because I know somebody's going
1:00:09
through it. I know somebody's going through it right now.
1:00:16
I know, right now somebody's in a space where they
1:00:18
don't know if they want to sink or swim. I
1:00:22
know it's somebody right now in a space that's dark.
1:00:32
I know somebody right now is in a space that
1:00:34
looks them for them. But don't sit in the dark.
1:00:42
Come sit over here with me on the bench. Come on,
1:00:45
sit over here with me, and let's ride this ride together.
1:00:52
Let me love on you real quick. Let me tell
1:00:59
you all that it does get easier. Do some days?
1:01:05
Look them, they do a lot of days. But I
1:01:13
gotta free myself from that. I gotta free myself from
1:01:17
this prison. I gotta let this trauma go.
1:01:23
Speaker 2: I I have to.
1:01:24
Speaker 1: Let it go. But I wanted y'all to know I
1:01:33
appreciate y'all that I love y'all. I appreciate y'all reaching
1:01:44
out to me. I appreciate y'all allowing me to be
1:01:49
the most vulnerable that I've ever been with no judgment.
1:01:56
That's what I love about y'all. It's regardless if I'm
1:02:02
up or down, if i'm higher lower, if I'm good
1:02:04
or bad, y'all love me anyway. Y'all help me on
1:02:11
those dark days. And I don't say it enough, but
1:02:14
I appreciate y'all. I thank y'all for helping me make
1:02:20
my way out of the dark on those dark rough days.
1:02:26
I appreciate the prayers. I appreciate the messages. I want
1:02:31
y'all to know I see.
1:02:32
Speaker 3: Them, I see them, I see them.
1:02:42
Speaker 1: I feel them.
1:02:43
Speaker 2: You know.
1:02:46
Speaker 1: I want y'all to know that I may not say
1:02:50
it enough, but I do. I appreciate it. And I
1:02:52
love y'all so much. And we got this. Whatever's going on,
1:03:04
let it go, whatever's going on, let it go. Know
1:03:18
that your pain it'll subside. I love your tool, baby.
1:03:31
I want you all to know that all days won't
1:03:40
be dark. I want you to know that even on
1:03:47
those dark days, God is still there with you. God
1:04:00
kept me, God will keep you too. But I want
1:04:13
y'all to know that I love y'all. I appreciate y'all.
1:04:18
I see y'all, I feel y'all. I hear you. I
1:04:24
hear y'all, and I'm forever grateful. But it's beautiful circle
1:04:32
of people that I have. I'm grateful for that. I'm
1:04:38
grateful for my three beautiful children. I'm grateful for my
1:04:45
amazing husband. But I'm even more grateful for myself that
1:04:56
God kept me here today. I'll forever be grateful for that.
1:05:02
I'm grateful for every day that that man gives me
1:05:05
above the ground. But I do ask that y'all pray
1:05:11
for me, keep me close to y'all. I need it,
1:05:20
I do. But I love y'all. Black Girl Interrupted will
1:05:27
be back. Give me some great shall I'll be back.
1:05:35
I just needed a moment to regroup. I needed a
1:05:39
moment to reset. I needed a moment to recenter myself
1:05:49
to realign. I'll be back though, and we're gonna stap
1:05:57
big this time. But I love y'all. I love love, love, love,
1:06:04
love love love y'all so much. When Black Girl Interrupted
1:06:09
will be back, I don't know, but I'll be back.
1:06:17
I love y'all. Happy Monday. I hope everyone has had
1:06:23
a beautiful week a weekend. I'm sorry. Happy Father's Day
1:06:31
till they amazing fathers. I celebrate y'all every day. Take
1:06:38
care of your mental y'all. Protect your peace at all costs.
1:06:45
Disassociate yourself from those that trigger you. Disassociate yourself from
1:06:49
the ones that you feel are no good for you.
1:06:54
It's okay to start telling people know. I know I do,
1:07:00
but I love your happy Monday and I'll see yo. Soul,
1:07:06
God bless you.